The author at his master’s command, informs him of the state of England. The causes of war among the princes of Europe. The author begins to explain the English constitution.
The reader may please to observe, that the following extract of many conversations I had with my master, contains a summary of the most material points which were discoursed2 at several times for above two years; his honour often desiring fuller satisfaction, as I farther improved in the Houyhnhnm tongue. I laid before him, as well as I could, the whole state of Europe; I discoursed of trade and manufactures, of arts and sciences; and the answers I gave to all the questions he made, as they arose upon several subjects, were a fund of conversation not to be exhausted3. But I shall here only set down the substance of what passed between us concerning my own country, reducing it in order as well as I can, without any regard to time or other circumstances, while I strictly4 adhere to truth. My only concern is, that I shall hardly be able to do justice to my master’s arguments and expressions, which must needs suffer by my want of capacity, as well as by a translation into our barbarous English.
In obedience5, therefore, to his honour’s commands, I related to him the Revolution under the Prince of Orange; the long war with France, entered into by the said prince, and renewed by his successor, the present queen, wherein the greatest powers of Christendom were engaged, and which still continued: I computed6, at his request, “that about a million of Yahoos might have been killed in the whole progress of it; and perhaps a hundred or more cities taken, and five times as many ships burnt or sunk.”
He asked me, “what were the usual causes or motives7 that made one country go to war with another?” I answered “they were innumerable; but I should only mention a few of the chief. Sometimes the ambition of princes, who never think they have land or people enough to govern; sometimes the corruption8 of ministers, who engage their master in a war, in order to stifle9 or divert the clamour of the subjects against their evil administration. Difference in opinions has cost many millions of lives: for instance, whether flesh be bread, or bread be flesh; whether the juice of a certain berry be blood or wine; whether whistling be a vice10 or a virtue11; whether it be better to kiss a post, or throw it into the fire; what is the best colour for a coat, whether black, white, red, or gray; and whether it should be long or short, narrow or wide, dirty or clean; with many more. Neither are any wars so furious and bloody12, or of so long a continuance, as those occasioned by difference in opinion, especially if it be in things indifferent.
“Sometimes the quarrel between two princes is to decide which of them shall dispossess a third of his dominions13, where neither of them pretend to any right. Sometimes one prince quarrels with another for fear the other should quarrel with him. Sometimes a war is entered upon, because the enemy is too strong; and sometimes, because he is too weak. Sometimes our neighbours want the things which we have, or have the things which we want, and we both fight, till they take ours, or give us theirs. It is a very justifiable14 cause of a war, to invade a country after the people have been wasted by famine, destroyed by pestilence15, or embroiled16 by factions17 among themselves. It is justifiable to enter into war against our nearest ally, when one of his towns lies convenient for us, or a territory of land, that would render our dominions round and complete. If a prince sends forces into a nation, where the people are poor and ignorant, he may lawfully18 put half of them to death, and make slaves of the rest, in order to civilize19 and reduce them from their barbarous way of living. It is a very kingly, honourable20, and frequent practice, when one prince desires the assistance of another, to secure him against an invasion, that the assistant, when he has driven out the invader21, should seize on the dominions himself, and kill, imprison22, or banish23, the prince he came to relieve. Alliance by blood, or marriage, is a frequent cause of war between princes; and the nearer the kindred is, the greater their disposition24 to quarrel; poor nations are hungry, and rich nations are proud; and pride and hunger will ever be at variance25. For these reasons, the trade of a soldier is held the most honourable of all others; because a soldier is a Yahoo hired to kill, in cold blood, as many of his own species, who have never offended him, as possibly he can.
“There is likewise a kind of beggarly princes in Europe, not able to make war by themselves, who hire out their troops to richer nations, for so much a day to each man; of which they keep three-fourths to themselves, and it is the best part of their maintenance: such are those in many northern parts of Europe.”
“What you have told me,” said my master, “upon the subject of war, does indeed discover most admirably the effects of that reason you pretend to: however, it is happy that the shame is greater than the danger; and that nature has left you utterly26 incapable27 of doing much mischief28. For, your mouths lying flat with your faces, you can hardly bite each other to any purpose, unless by consent. Then as to the claws upon your feet before and behind, they are so short and tender, that one of our Yahoos would drive a dozen of yours before him. And therefore, in recounting the numbers of those who have been killed in battle, I cannot but think you have said the thing which is not.”
I could not forbear shaking my head, and smiling a little at his ignorance. And being no stranger to the art of war, I gave him a description of cannons29, culverins, muskets30, carabines, pistols, bullets, powder, swords, bayonets, battles, sieges, retreats, attacks, undermines, countermines, bombardments, sea fights, ships sunk with a thousand men, twenty thousand killed on each side, dying groans31, limbs flying in the air, smoke, noise, confusion, trampling32 to death under horses’ feet, flight, pursuit, victory; fields strewed33 with carcases, left for food to dogs and wolves and birds of prey34; plundering35, stripping, ravishing, burning, and destroying. And to set forth36 the valour of my own dear countrymen, I assured him, “that I had seen them blow up a hundred enemies at once in a siege, and as many in a ship, and beheld37 the dead bodies drop down in pieces from the clouds, to the great diversion of the spectators.”
I was going on to more particulars, when my master commanded me silence. He said, “whoever understood the nature of Yahoos, might easily believe it possible for so vile38 an animal to be capable of every action I had named, if their strength and cunning equalled their malice39. But as my discourse1 had increased his abhorrence40 of the whole species, so he found it gave him a disturbance41 in his mind to which he was wholly a stranger before. He thought his ears, being used to such abominable42 words, might, by degrees, admit them with less detestation: that although he hated the Yahoos of this country, yet he no more blamed them for their odious43 qualities, than he did a gnnayh (a bird of prey) for its cruelty, or a sharp stone for cutting his hoof44. But when a creature pretending to reason could be capable of such enormities, he dreaded45 lest the corruption of that faculty46 might be worse than brutality47 itself. He seemed therefore confident, that, instead of reason we were only possessed48 of some quality fitted to increase our natural vices49; as the reflection from a troubled stream returns the image of an ill shapen body, not only larger but more distorted.”
He added, “that he had heard too much upon the subject of war, both in this and some former discourses50. There was another point, which a little perplexed51 him at present. I had informed him, that some of our crew left their country on account of being ruined by law; that I had already explained the meaning of the word; but he was at a loss how it should come to pass, that the law, which was intended for every man’s preservation52, should be any man’s ruin. Therefore he desired to be further satisfied what I meant by law, and the dispensers thereof, according to the present practice in my own country; because he thought nature and reason were sufficient guides for a reasonable animal, as we pretended to be, in showing us what he ought to do, and what to avoid.”
I assured his honour, “that the law was a science in which I had not much conversed53, further than by employing advocates, in vain, upon some injustices54 that had been done me: however, I would give him all the satisfaction I was able.”
I said, “there was a society of men among us, bred up from their youth in the art of proving, by words multiplied for the purpose, that white is black, and black is white, according as they are paid. To this society all the rest of the people are slaves. For example, if my neighbour has a mind to my cow, he has a lawyer to prove that he ought to have my cow from me. I must then hire another to defend my right, it being against all rules of law that any man should be allowed to speak for himself. Now, in this case, I, who am the right owner, lie under two great disadvantages: first, my lawyer, being practised almost from his cradle in defending falsehood, is quite out of his element when he would be an advocate for justice, which is an unnatural55 office he always attempts with great awkwardness, if not with ill-will. The second disadvantage is, that my lawyer must proceed with great caution, or else he will be reprimanded by the judges, and abhorred56 by his brethren, as one that would lessen57 the practice of the law. And therefore I have but two methods to preserve my cow. The first is, to gain over my adversary58’s lawyer with a double fee, who will then betray his client by insinuating59 that he hath justice on his side. The second way is for my lawyer to make my cause appear as unjust as he can, by allowing the cow to belong to my adversary: and this, if it be skilfully60 done, will certainly bespeak61 the favour of the bench. Now your honour is to know, that these judges are persons appointed to decide all controversies62 of property, as well as for the trial of criminals, and picked out from the most dexterous63 lawyers, who are grown old or lazy; and having been biassed64 all their lives against truth and equity65, lie under such a fatal necessity of favouring fraud, perjury66, and oppression, that I have known some of them refuse a large bribe67 from the side where justice lay, rather than injure the faculty, by doing any thing unbecoming their nature or their office.
“It is a maxim68 among these lawyers that whatever has been done before, may legally be done again: and therefore they take special care to record all the decisions formerly69 made against common justice, and the general reason of mankind. These, under the name of precedents70, they produce as authorities to justify71 the most iniquitous72 opinions; and the judges never fail of directing accordingly.
“In pleading, they studiously avoid entering into the merits of the cause; but are loud, violent, and tedious, in dwelling73 upon all circumstances which are not to the purpose. For instance, in the case already mentioned; they never desire to know what claim or title my adversary has to my cow; but whether the said cow were red or black; her horns long or short; whether the field I graze her in be round or square; whether she was milked at home or abroad; what diseases she is subject to, and the like; after which they consult precedents, adjourn74 the cause from time to time, and in ten, twenty, or thirty years, come to an issue.
“It is likewise to be observed, that this society has a peculiar75 cant76 and jargon77 of their own, that no other mortal can understand, and wherein all their laws are written, which they take special care to multiply; whereby they have wholly confounded the very essence of truth and falsehood, of right and wrong; so that it will take thirty years to decide, whether the field left me by my ancestors for six generations belongs to me, or to a stranger three hundred miles off.
“In the trial of persons accused for crimes against the state, the method is much more short and commendable78: the judge first sends to sound the disposition of those in power, after which he can easily hang or save a criminal, strictly preserving all due forms of law.”
Here my master interposing, said, “it was a pity, that creatures endowed with such prodigious79 abilities of mind, as these lawyers, by the description I gave of them, must certainly be, were not rather encouraged to be instructors80 of others in wisdom and knowledge.” In answer to which I assured his honour, “that in all points out of their own trade, they were usually the most ignorant and stupid generation among us, the most despicable in common conversation, avowed81 enemies to all knowledge and learning, and equally disposed to pervert82 the general reason of mankind in every other subject of discourse as in that of their own profession.”
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discourse
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| n.论文，演说；谈话；话语；vi.讲述，著述 | |
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discoursed
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| 演说（discourse的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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strictly
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| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
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obedience
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| n.服从，顺从 | |
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computed
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| adj.[医]计算的，使用计算机的v.计算，估算( compute的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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corruption
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| n.腐败，堕落，贪污 | |
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stifle
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| vt.使窒息；闷死；扼杀；抑止，阻止 | |
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vice
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| n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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bloody
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| adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染 | |
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dominions
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| 统治权( dominion的名词复数 )； 领土； 疆土； 版图 | |
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justifiable
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| adj.有理由的，无可非议的 | |
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pestilence
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| n.瘟疫 | |
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embroiled
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| adj.卷入的；纠缠不清的 | |
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factions
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| 组织中的小派别，派系( faction的名词复数 ) | |
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lawfully
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| adv.守法地，合法地；合理地 | |
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civilize
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| vt.使文明，使开化 (=civilise) | |
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honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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invader
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| n.侵略者，侵犯者，入侵者 | |
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imprison
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| vt.监禁，关押，限制，束缚 | |
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banish
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| vt.放逐，驱逐；消除，排除 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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variance
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| n.矛盾，不同 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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cannons
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| n.加农炮，大炮，火炮( cannon的名词复数 ) | |
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muskets
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| n.火枪，（尤指）滑膛枪( musket的名词复数 ) | |
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groans
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| n.呻吟，叹息( groan的名词复数 )；呻吟般的声音v.呻吟( groan的第三人称单数 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
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trampling
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| 踩( trample的现在分词 )； 践踏； 无视； 侵犯 | |
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strewed
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| v.撒在…上( strew的过去式和过去分词 )；散落于；点缀；撒满 | |
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prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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plundering
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| 掠夺，抢劫( plunder的现在分词 ) | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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vile
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| adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的 | |
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malice
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| n.恶意，怨恨，蓄意；[律]预谋 | |
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abhorrence
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| n.憎恶；可憎恶的事 | |
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disturbance
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| n.动乱，骚动；打扰，干扰；(身心)失调 | |
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abominable
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| adj.可厌的，令人憎恶的 | |
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odious
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| adj.可憎的，讨厌的 | |
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hoof
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| n.(马，牛等的)蹄 | |
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dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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faculty
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| n.才能；学院，系；(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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brutality
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| n.野蛮的行为，残忍，野蛮 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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vices
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| 缺陷( vice的名词复数 )； 恶习； 不道德行为； 台钳 | |
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discourses
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| 论文( discourse的名词复数 )； 演说； 讲道； 话语 | |
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perplexed
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| adj.不知所措的 | |
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preservation
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| n.保护，维护，保存，保留，保持 | |
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conversed
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| v.交谈，谈话( converse的过去式 ) | |
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injustices
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| 不公平( injustice的名词复数 )； 非正义； 待…不公正； 冤枉 | |
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unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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abhorred
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| v.憎恶( abhor的过去式和过去分词 )；（厌恶地）回避；拒绝；淘汰 | |
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lessen
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| vt.减少，减轻；缩小 | |
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adversary
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| adj.敌手，对手 | |
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insinuating
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| adj.曲意巴结的，暗示的v.暗示( insinuate的现在分词 )；巧妙或迂回地潜入；（使）缓慢进入；慢慢伸入 | |
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skilfully
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| adv. (美skillfully)熟练地 | |
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bespeak
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| v.预定；预先请求 | |
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controversies
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| 争论 | |
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dexterous
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| adj.灵敏的；灵巧的 | |
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biassed
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| （统计试验中）结果偏倚的，有偏的 | |
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equity
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| n.公正，公平，（无固定利息的）股票 | |
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perjury
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| n.伪证；伪证罪 | |
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bribe
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| n.贿赂；v.向…行贿，买通 | |
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maxim
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| n.格言，箴言 | |
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formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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precedents
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| 引用单元； 范例( precedent的名词复数 )； 先前出现的事例； 前例； 先例 | |
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justify
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| vt.证明…正当(或有理)，为…辩护 | |
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iniquitous
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| adj.不公正的；邪恶的；高得出奇的 | |
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dwelling
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| n.住宅，住所，寓所 | |
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adjourn
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| v.（使）休会，（使）休庭 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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cant
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| n.斜穿，黑话，猛扔 | |
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jargon
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| n.术语，行话 | |
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commendable
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| adj.值得称赞的 | |
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prodigious
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| adj.惊人的，奇妙的；异常的；巨大的；庞大的 | |
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instructors
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| 指导者，教师( instructor的名词复数 ) | |
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avowed
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| adj.公开声明的，承认的v.公开声明，承认( avow的过去式和过去分词) | |
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pervert
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| n.堕落者，反常者；vt.误用，滥用；使人堕落，使入邪路 | |
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