A continuation of the state of England under Queen Anne. The character of a first minister of state in European courts.
My master was yet wholly at a loss to understand what motives1 could incite2 this race of lawyers to perplex, disquiet3, and weary themselves, and engage in a confederacy of injustice4, merely for the sake of injuring their fellow-animals; neither could he comprehend what I meant in saying, they did it for hire. Whereupon I was at much pains to describe to him the use of money, the materials it was made of, and the value of the metals; “that when a Yahoo had got a great store of this precious substance, he was able to purchase whatever he had a mind to; the finest clothing, the noblest houses, great tracts5 of land, the most costly6 meats and drinks, and have his choice of the most beautiful females. Therefore since money alone was able to perform all these feats7, our Yahoos thought they could never have enough of it to spend, or to save, as they found themselves inclined, from their natural bent8 either to profusion9 or avarice10; that the rich man enjoyed the fruit of the poor man’s labour, and the latter were a thousand to one in proportion to the former; that the bulk of our people were forced to live miserably11, by labouring every day for small wages, to make a few live plentifully12.”
I enlarged myself much on these, and many other particulars to the same purpose; but his honour was still to seek; for he went upon a supposition, that all animals had a title to their share in the productions of the earth, and especially those who presided over the rest. Therefore he desired I would let him know, “what these costly meats were, and how any of us happened to want them?” Whereupon I enumerated13 as many sorts as came into my head, with the various methods of dressing14 them, which could not be done without sending vessels15 by sea to every part of the world, as well for liquors to drink as for sauces and innumerable other conveniences. I assured him “that this whole globe of earth must be at least three times gone round before one of our better female Yahoos could get her breakfast, or a cup to put it in.” He said “that must needs be a miserable16 country which cannot furnish food for its own inhabitants. But what he chiefly wondered at was, how such vast tracts of ground as I described should be wholly without fresh water, and the people put to the necessity of sending over the sea for drink.” I replied “that England (the dear place of my nativity) was computed17 to produce three times the quantity of food more than its inhabitants are able to consume, as well as liquors extracted from grain, or pressed out of the fruit of certain trees, which made excellent drink, and the same proportion in every other convenience of life. But, in order to feed the luxury and intemperance18 of the males, and the vanity of the females, we sent away the greatest part of our necessary things to other countries, whence, in return, we brought the materials of diseases, folly19, and vice20, to spend among ourselves. Hence it follows of necessity, that vast numbers of our people are compelled to seek their livelihood21 by begging, robbing, stealing, cheating, pimping, flattering, suborning, forswearing, forging, gaming, lying, fawning22, hectoring, voting, scribbling23, star-gazing, poisoning, whoring, canting, libelling, freethinking, and the like occupations:” every one of which terms I was at much pains to make him understand.
“That wine was not imported among us from foreign countries to supply the want of water or other drinks, but because it was a sort of liquid which made us merry by putting us out of our senses, diverted all melancholy24 thoughts, begat wild extravagant25 imaginations in the brain, raised our hopes and banished26 our fears, suspended every office of reason for a time, and deprived us of the use of our limbs, till we fell into a profound sleep; although it must be confessed, that we always awaked sick and dispirited; and that the use of this liquor filled us with diseases which made our lives uncomfortable and short.
“But beside all this, the bulk of our people supported themselves by furnishing the necessities or conveniences of life to the rich and to each other. For instance, when I am at home, and dressed as I ought to be, I carry on my body the workmanship of a hundred tradesmen; the building and furniture of my house employ as many more, and five times the number to adorn27 my wife.”
I was going on to tell him of another sort of people, who get their livelihood by attending the sick, having, upon some occasions, informed his honour that many of my crew had died of diseases. But here it was with the utmost difficulty that I brought him to apprehend28 what I meant. “He could easily conceive, that a Houyhnhnm, grew weak and heavy a few days before his death, or by some accident might hurt a limb; but that nature, who works all things to perfection, should suffer any pains to breed in our bodies, he thought impossible, and desired to know the reason of so unaccountable an evil.”
I told him “we fed on a thousand things which operated contrary to each other; that we ate when we were not hungry, and drank without the provocation29 of thirst; that we sat whole nights drinking strong liquors, without eating a bit, which disposed us to sloth30, inflamed31 our bodies, and precipitated32 or prevented digestion33; that prostitute female Yahoos acquired a certain malady34, which bred rottenness in the bones of those who fell into their embraces; that this, and many other diseases, were propagated from father to son; so that great numbers came into the world with complicated maladies upon them; that it would be endless to give him a catalogue of all diseases incident to human bodies, for they would not be fewer than five or six hundred, spread over every limb and joint35 — in short, every part, external and intestine36, having diseases appropriated to itself. To remedy which, there was a sort of people bred up among us in the profession, or pretence37, of curing the sick. And because I had some skill in the faculty38, I would, in gratitude39 to his honour, let him know the whole mystery and method by which they proceed.
“Their fundamental is, that all diseases arise from repletion40; whence they conclude, that a great evacuation of the body is necessary, either through the natural passage or upwards41 at the mouth. Their next business is from herbs, minerals, gums, oils, shells, salts, juices, sea-weed, excrements, barks of trees, serpents, toads42, frogs, spiders, dead men’s flesh and bones, birds, beasts, and fishes, to form a composition, for smell and taste, the most abominable43, nauseous, and detestable, they can possibly contrive44, which the stomach immediately rejects with loathing45, and this they call a vomit46; or else, from the same store-house, with some other poisonous additions, they command us to take in at the orifice above or below (just as the physician then happens to be disposed) a medicine equally annoying and disgustful to the bowels47; which, relaxing the belly48, drives down all before it; and this they call a purge49, or a clyster. For nature (as the physicians allege) having intended the superior anterior50 orifice only for the intromission of solids and liquids, and the inferior posterior for ejection, these artists ingeniously considering that in all diseases nature is forced out of her seat, therefore, to replace her in it, the body must be treated in a manner directly contrary, by interchanging the use of each orifice; forcing solids and liquids in at the anus, and making evacuations at the mouth.
“But, besides real diseases, we are subject to many that are only imaginary, for which the physicians have invented imaginary cures; these have their several names, and so have the drugs that are proper for them; and with these our female Yahoos are always infested51.
“One great excellency in this tribe, is their skill at prognostics, wherein they seldom fail; their predictions in real diseases, when they rise to any degree of malignity52, generally portending53 death, which is always in their power, when recovery is not: and therefore, upon any unexpected signs of amendment54, after they have pronounced their sentence, rather than be accused as false prophets, they know how to approve their sagacity to the world, by a seasonable dose.
“They are likewise of special use to husbands and wives who are grown weary of their mates; to eldest55 sons, to great ministers of state, and often to princes.”
I had formerly56, upon occasion, discoursed58 with my master upon the nature of government in general, and particularly of our own excellent constitution, deservedly the wonder and envy of the whole world. But having here accidentally mentioned a minister of state, he commanded me, some time after, to inform him, “what species of Yahoo I particularly meant by that appellation59.”
I told him, “that a first or chief minister of state, who was the person I intended to describe, was the creature wholly exempt60 from joy and grief, love and hatred61, pity and anger; at least, makes use of no other passions, but a violent desire of wealth, power, and titles; that he applies his words to all uses, except to the indication of his mind; that he never tells a truth but with an intent that you should take it for a lie; nor a lie, but with a design that you should take it for a truth; that those he speaks worst of behind their backs are in the surest way of preferment; and whenever he begins to praise you to others, or to yourself, you are from that day forlorn. The worst mark you can receive is a promise, especially when it is confirmed with an oath; after which, every wise man retires, and gives over all hopes.
“There are three methods, by which a man may rise to be chief minister. The first is, by knowing how, with prudence62, to dispose of a wife, a daughter, or a sister; the second, by betraying or undermining his predecessor63; and the third is, by a furious zeal64, in public assemblies, against the corruption’s of the court. But a wise prince would rather choose to employ those who practise the last of these methods; because such zealots prove always the most obsequious65 and subservient66 to the will and passions of their master. That these ministers, having all employments at their disposal, preserve themselves in power, by bribing67 the majority of a senate or great council; and at last, by an expedient68, called an act of indemnity” (whereof I described the nature to him), “they secure themselves from after-reckonings, and retire from the public laden69 with the spoils of the nation.
“The palace of a chief minister is a seminary to breed up others in his own trade: the pages, lackeys70, and porters, by imitating their master, become ministers of state in their several districts, and learn to excel in the three principal ingredients, of insolence71, lying, and bribery72. Accordingly, they have a subaltern court paid to them by persons of the best rank; and sometimes by the force of dexterity73 and impudence74, arrive, through several gradations, to be successors to their lord.
“He is usually governed by a decayed wench, or favourite footman, who are the tunnels through which all graces are conveyed, and may properly be called, in the last resort, the governors of the kingdom.”
One day, in discourse57, my master, having heard me mention the nobility of my country, was pleased to make me a compliment which I could not pretend to deserve: “that he was sure I must have been born of some noble family, because I far exceeded in shape, colour, and cleanliness, all the Yahoos of his nation, although I seemed to fail in strength and agility75, which must be imputed76 to my different way of living from those other brutes77; and besides I was not only endowed with the faculty of speech, but likewise with some rudiments78 of reason, to a degree that, with all his acquaintance, I passed for a prodigy79.”
He made me observe, “that among the Houyhnhnms, the white, the sorrel, and the iron-gray, were not so exactly shaped as the bay, the dapple-gray, and the black; nor born with equal talents of mind, or a capacity to improve them; and therefore continued always in the condition of servants, without ever aspiring80 to match out of their own race, which in that country would be reckoned monstrous81 and unnatural82.”
I made his honour my most humble83 acknowledgments for the good opinion he was pleased to conceive of me, but assured him at the same time, “that my birth was of the lower sort, having been born of plain honest parents, who were just able to give me a tolerable education; that nobility, among us, was altogether a different thing from the idea he had of it; that our young noblemen are bred from their childhood in idleness and luxury; that, as soon as years will permit, they consume their vigour84, and contract odious85 diseases among lewd86 females; and when their fortunes are almost ruined, they marry some woman of mean birth, disagreeable person, and unsound constitution (merely for the sake of money), whom they hate and despise. That the productions of such marriages are generally scrofulous, rickety, or deformed87 children; by which means the family seldom continues above three generations, unless the wife takes care to provide a healthy father, among her neighbours or domestics, in order to improve and continue the breed. That a weak diseased body, a meagre countenance88, and sallow complexion89, are the true marks of noble blood; and a healthy robust90 appearance is so disgraceful in a man of quality, that the world concludes his real father to have been a groom91 or a coachman. The imperfections of his mind run parallel with those of his body, being a composition of spleen, dullness, ignorance, caprice, sensuality, and pride.
“Without the consent of this illustrious body, no law can be enacted92, repealed93, or altered: and these nobles have likewise the decision of all our possessions, without appeal.”
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motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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incite
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| v.引起，激动，煽动 | |
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disquiet
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| n.担心，焦虑 | |
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injustice
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| n.非正义，不公正，不公平，侵犯（别人的）权利 | |
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tracts
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| 大片土地( tract的名词复数 )； 地带； （体内的）道； （尤指宣扬宗教、伦理或政治的）短文 | |
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costly
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| adj.昂贵的，价值高的，豪华的 | |
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feats
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| 功绩，伟业，技艺( feat的名词复数 ) | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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profusion
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| n.挥霍；丰富 | |
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avarice
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| n.贪婪；贪心 | |
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miserably
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| adv.痛苦地；悲惨地；糟糕地；极度地 | |
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plentifully
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| adv. 许多地，丰饶地 | |
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enumerated
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| v.列举，枚举，数( enumerate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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dressing
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| n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料 | |
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vessels
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| n.血管( vessel的名词复数 )；船；容器；（具有特殊品质或接受特殊品质的）人 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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computed
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| adj.[医]计算的，使用计算机的v.计算，估算( compute的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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intemperance
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| n.放纵 | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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vice
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| n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的 | |
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livelihood
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| n.生计，谋生之道 | |
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fawning
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| adj.乞怜的，奉承的v.（尤指狗等）跳过来往人身上蹭以示亲热( fawn的现在分词 )；巴结；讨好 | |
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scribbling
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| n.乱涂[写]胡[乱]写的文章[作品]v.潦草的书写( scribble的现在分词 )；乱画；草草地写；匆匆记下 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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extravagant
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| adj.奢侈的；过分的；(言行等)放肆的 | |
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banished
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| v.放逐，驱逐( banish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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adorn
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| vt.使美化，装饰 | |
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apprehend
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| vt.理解，领悟，逮捕，拘捕，忧虑 | |
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provocation
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| n.激怒，刺激，挑拨，挑衅的事物，激怒的原因 | |
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sloth
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| n.[动]树懒；懒惰，懒散 | |
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inflamed
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| adj.发炎的，红肿的v.（使）变红，发怒，过热( inflame的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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precipitated
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| v.（突如其来地）使发生( precipitate的过去式和过去分词 )；促成；猛然摔下；使沉淀 | |
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digestion
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| n.消化，吸收 | |
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malady
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| n.病，疾病(通常做比喻) | |
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joint
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| adj.联合的，共同的；n.关节，接合处；v.连接，贴合 | |
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intestine
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| adj.内部的；国内的；n.肠 | |
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pretence
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| n.假装，作假；借口，口实；虚伪；虚饰 | |
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faculty
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| n.才能；学院，系；(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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repletion
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| n.充满，吃饱 | |
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upwards
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| adv.向上，在更高处...以上 | |
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toads
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| n.蟾蜍，癞蛤蟆( toad的名词复数 ) | |
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abominable
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| adj.可厌的，令人憎恶的 | |
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contrive
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| vt.谋划，策划；设法做到；设计，想出 | |
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loathing
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| n.厌恶，憎恨v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的现在分词)；极不喜欢 | |
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46
vomit
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| v.呕吐，作呕；n.呕吐物，吐出物 | |
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bowels
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| n.肠，内脏，内部；肠( bowel的名词复数 )；内部，最深处 | |
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belly
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| n.肚子，腹部；(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分，膛 | |
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purge
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| n.整肃，清除，泻药，净化；vt.净化，清除，摆脱；vi.清除，通便，腹泻，变得清洁 | |
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anterior
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| adj.较早的；在前的 | |
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infested
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| adj.为患的，大批滋生的（常与with搭配）v.害虫、野兽大批出没于( infest的过去式和过去分词 )；遍布于 | |
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malignity
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| n.极度的恶意，恶毒；（病的）恶性 | |
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portending
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| v.预示( portend的现在分词 )；预兆；给…以警告；预告 | |
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amendment
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| n.改正，修正，改善，修正案 | |
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eldest
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| adj.最年长的，最年老的 | |
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formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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discourse
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| n.论文，演说；谈话；话语；vi.讲述，著述 | |
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discoursed
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| 演说（discourse的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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appellation
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| n.名称，称呼 | |
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exempt
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| adj.免除的；v.使免除；n.免税者，被免除义务者 | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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prudence
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| n.谨慎，精明，节俭 | |
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predecessor
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| n.前辈，前任 | |
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zeal
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| n.热心，热情，热忱 | |
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obsequious
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| adj.谄媚的，奉承的，顺从的 | |
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subservient
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| adj.卑屈的，阿谀的 | |
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bribing
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| 贿赂 | |
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expedient
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| adj.有用的，有利的；n.紧急的办法，权宜之计 | |
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laden
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| adj.装满了的；充满了的；负了重担的；苦恼的 | |
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lackeys
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| n.听差( lackey的名词复数 )；男仆（通常穿制服）；卑躬屈膝的人；被待为奴仆的人 | |
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insolence
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| n.傲慢；无礼；厚颜；傲慢的态度 | |
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bribery
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| n.贿络行为，行贿，受贿 | |
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dexterity
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| n.(手的)灵巧，灵活 | |
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impudence
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| n.厚颜无耻；冒失；无礼 | |
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agility
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| n.敏捷，活泼 | |
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imputed
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| v.把（错误等）归咎于( impute的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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brutes
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| 兽( brute的名词复数 )； 畜生； 残酷无情的人； 兽性 | |
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rudiments
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| n.基础知识，入门 | |
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prodigy
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| n.惊人的事物，奇迹，神童，天才，预兆 | |
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80
aspiring
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| adj.有志气的；有抱负的；高耸的v.渴望；追求 | |
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81
monstrous
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| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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82
unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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83
humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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84
vigour
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| （=vigor）n.智力，体力，精力 | |
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odious
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| adj.可憎的，讨厌的 | |
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lewd
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| adj.淫荡的 | |
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87
deformed
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| adj.畸形的；变形的；丑的，破相了的 | |
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88
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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complexion
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| n.肤色；情况，局面；气质，性格 | |
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90
robust
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| adj.强壮的，强健的，粗野的，需要体力的，浓的 | |
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91
groom
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| vt.给（马、狗等）梳毛，照料，使...整洁 | |
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enacted
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| 制定（法律），通过（法案）( enact的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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repealed
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| 撤销，废除( repeal的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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