IT was a thunderbolt. Alfred hung his head, and said humbly1, “I did but go upstairs for one moment to wash my hands for dinner; and he was gone.”
Mrs. Dodd went on in her low stern voice, almost as if he had not answered her at all: “By what right did you assume the charge of him? Did I authorise you to take him from the place where he was safe, and under my eye?”
Alfred replied sullenly2: “He was not very safe, for he was almost burnt to death. The fire liberated3 him, not I. After the fire I ran away from him: he followed me; and then what could I do? I made the best of it; and gave up my own desires to try and cure him. He longed for the sea: I tried to indulge him: I hoped to bring him back to you sane4: but fate was against me. I am the most unfortunate of men.”
“Mr. Hardie,” said Mrs. Dodd, “what you have done was the act of a madman; and, if I believed you to be anything but a madman, the sight of you would be intolerable to me; for you have made me a widow, and my children orphans5.”
With this she gave a great shudder6, and retired7 in tears.
Alfred rose, pale and defiant8. “That is her notion of justice,” said he bitterly; “pray is it yours, you two?”
“Well, since you ask my opinion,” said Edward, “I think it was rather presumptuous9 of you to undertake the care of my father: and, having undertaken it, you ought not to have left him a moment out of your sight.”
“Oh, that is your opinion, is it? And you, dear Julia?”
Julia made no reply, but hid her face in her hands and sighed deeply.
“I see,” said Alfred sorrowfully. “Even you are against me at heart. You judge by the event, not the motive11. There is no justice in this world for me. I’m sick of life. I have no right to keep the mistress of the house out of her own room: there, I’ll go, my heart is broken. No, it is not, and never shall be, by anything that breathes. Thank Heaven, I have got one friend left in this bitter world: and I’ll make her the judge whether I have deserved this last injustice12. I’ll go to my sister.”
He jumped up and hobbled slowly across the room, while Julia and Edward sat chilled to the bone by those five little words, so simple, so natural, yet so incredible, and to the hearers so awful. They started, they shuddered13, they sat petrified14, staring at him, while he hobbled across the room to go to his sister.
As he opened the door to go out he heard stout15 Edward groan16 and Julia utter a low wail17. He stood confounded a moment. Then he hobbled down a stair or two. But, ere he had gone far, there was a hasty whispering in the drawing-room, and Edward came after him in great agitation18, and begged him to return; Julia must speak with him. He turned, and his face brightened. Edward saw that, and turned his own face away and stammered19 out, “Forget what I said to you. I am your friend, and always must be for her sake. No, no, I cannot go into that room with you; I’ll go and comfort mamma. Hardie, old fellow, we are very unhappy, all of us. We are too unhappy to quarrel.”
These kind words soothed20 Alfred’s sore heart. He brightened up and entered the drawing-room. He found Julia standing21 in the middle of it, the colour of ashes. Alfred was alarmed. “You are unwell, dearest,” he cried; “you will faint. What have I done with my ungoverned temper?” He moved towards her with a face full of concern.
“No, Alfred,” said she solemnly, “I am not the least ill. It is sorrow, deep sorrow for one I love better than all the world. Sit down beside me, my poor Alfred; and — God help me to speak to him!”
Alfred began to feel dire22 misgivings23.
“Yes,” said she, “I love you too well to let any hand but mine wound you.” And here she took his sinewy24 hand with her soft palm. “I want to soften25 it in the telling: and ah, how can I? Oh, why can I not throw myself body and soul between you and all trouble, all sorrow?”
“My Julia,” said Alfred gravely, “something has happened to Jane.”
“Yes, Alfred. She met with a terrible accident.”
“Ah!”
“She was struck by an unfortunate man; he was not in his right mind.”
“Struck? My sister struck. What, was there no man by?”
“No. Edward nearly killed him afterwards.”
“God bless him.”
“Alfred, be patient. It was too late.”
“What, is she hurt seriously? Is she disfigured?”
“No, Alfred,” said Julia solemnly; “she is not disfigured; oh far from that.”
“Julia, you alarm me. This comes of shutting her brother up. May Heaven’s eternal curse light on those who did it. My poor little sister! How you weep, Julia. My heart is lead.”
“I weep for you, darling, not for her.”
“Ah, that is how they talk when those we love are —— One word! I shall never see my poor little Jenny again; shall I?”
“Yes, Alfred; if you will but follow her steps and believe in Him, who soothed her last hour, and made her face shine with joy like an angel’s while we all wept around. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, he said he had but one true friend in the world. Alas26 it is so; you have but me now, who pity you and love you more than heart can utter; my own, my beloved, my bereaved27.”
What could soften such a shock as this? It fell, and his anguish28 was frightful29, all the more so that he ascribed the calamity30 to his imprisonment31, and mingled32 curses and threats of vengeance33 with his bursts of grief. He spurned34 the consolations35 of religion: he said heaven was as unjust as earth, as cruel as hell.
She cried out and stopped his mouth with her hand; she almost forced him to kneel beside her, and prayed aloud for him: and when at last his agony found vent10 in tears, she put her innocent arms round his neck and wept with him.
Every now and then the poor fellow would almost shriek36 with remorse37. “Oh, if I had only been kinder to her! if I had but been kinder to her!”
“You were kind to her,” said Julia softly, but firmly. “Oh, no; I was always sneering38 at her. And why? I knew her religion was sincere: but my little mind fixed39 on a few phrases she had picked up from others, and I——” He could say no more, but groaned40 with anguish. And let his remorse be a caution to us all. Bereaved we all must be, who live on and on: but this, bereavement’s bitterest drop, we may avoid.
“Alfred,” said Julia, “do not torment41 yourself. We girls care little about a few sarcasms42; it is the cold heart that wounds us. You loved Jane, and she knew it well, and joyed in it. You were kinder to her than you think, and so her dying thoughts were for you. It was for you she asked, and made your father send for you, and poor I hoped you would come. And, dearest, her last act was to write a few words to you, and trust them to her who she knew loved you better than heart can utter. Since it was her wish, let us try and read them together, the last words of a saint (I have never seen them), and, if they do not prove words of love, then I will let you think you were not a good brother to her you and I, and poor, poor Edward, have lost.”
He made a sad sign of assent43; and Julia rose and got the enclosure. But, as Jane’s last written words reappeared on the scene in a somewhat remarkable44 way, I will only say here, that both these poor young things tried in vain to read them, and both in turn burst out sobbing45, so that they could not: so they held the paper and tried to see the words out of their streaming eyes. And these two mourners had the room to themselves till midnight; for even Mrs. Dodd’s hostility46 respected Alfred then; and as for Julia, she was one of those who rise with the occasion: she was half wife, half angel from Heaven to her bereaved lover through all those bitter hours.
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1
humbly
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| adv. 恭顺地，谦卑地 | |
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sullenly
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| 不高兴地，绷着脸，忧郁地 | |
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liberated
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| a.无拘束的，放纵的 | |
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sane
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| adj.心智健全的，神志清醒的，明智的，稳健的 | |
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orphans
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| 孤儿( orphan的名词复数 ) | |
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shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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defiant
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| adj.无礼的，挑战的 | |
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presumptuous
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| adj.胆大妄为的，放肆的，冒昧的，冒失的 | |
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vent
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| n.通风口，排放口；开衩；vt.表达，发泄 | |
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motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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injustice
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| n.非正义，不公正，不公平，侵犯（别人的）权利 | |
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shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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petrified
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| adj.惊呆的；目瞪口呆的v.使吓呆，使惊呆；变僵硬；使石化(petrify的过去式和过去分词) | |
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groan
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| vi./n.呻吟，抱怨；(发出)呻吟般的声音 | |
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wail
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| vt./vi.大声哀号，恸哭；呼啸，尖啸 | |
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agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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stammered
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| v.结巴地说出( stammer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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soothed
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| v.安慰( soothe的过去式和过去分词 )；抚慰；使舒服；减轻痛苦 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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dire
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| adj.可怕的，悲惨的，阴惨的，极端的 | |
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misgivings
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| n.疑虑，担忧，害怕；疑虑，担心，恐惧( misgiving的名词复数 )；疑惧 | |
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sinewy
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| adj.多腱的，强壮有力的 | |
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soften
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| v.(使)变柔软；(使)变柔和 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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bereaved
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| adj.刚刚丧失亲人的v.使失去（希望、生命等）( bereave的过去式和过去分词)；（尤指死亡）使丧失（亲人、朋友等）；使孤寂；抢走（财物） | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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calamity
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| n.灾害，祸患，不幸事件 | |
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imprisonment
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| n.关押，监禁，坐牢 | |
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mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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vengeance
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| n.报复，报仇，复仇 | |
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spurned
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| v.一脚踢开，拒绝接受( spurn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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consolations
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| n.安慰，慰问( consolation的名词复数 )；起安慰作用的人（或事物） | |
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shriek
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| v./n.尖叫，叫喊 | |
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remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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sneering
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| 嘲笑的，轻蔑的 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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groaned
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| v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
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41
torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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sarcasms
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| n.讥讽，讽刺，挖苦( sarcasm的名词复数 ) | |
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assent
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| v.批准，认可；n.批准，认可 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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hostility
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| n.敌对，敌意；抵制［pl.］交战，战争 | |
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