The supermarket is full of elderly people who look lost among the dazzling hedgerows. Some people are too small toreach the upper shelves; some people block the aisles1 with their carts; some are clumsy and slow to react; some areforgetful, some confused; some move about muttering with the wary3 look of people in institutional corridors.
I pushed my cart along the aisle2. Wilder sat inside, on the collapsible shelf, trying to grab items whose shape andradiance excited his system of sensory4 analysis. There were two new developments in the supermarket, a butcher'scorner and a bakery, and the oven aroma5 of bread and cake combined with the sight of a bloodstained man poundingat strips of living veal6 was pretty exciting for us all.
"Dristan Ultra, Dristan Ultra."The other excitement was the snow. Heavy snow predicted, later today or tonight. It brought out the crowds, thosewho feared the roads would soon be impassable, those too old to walk safely in snow and ice, those who thought thestorm would isolate7 them in their homes for days or weeks. Older people in particular were susceptible8 to news ofimpending calamity9 as it was forecast on TV by grave men standing10 before digital radar11 maps or pulsing photographsof the planet. Whipped into a frenzy12, they hurried to the supermarket to stock up before the weather mass moved in.
Snow watch, said the forecasters. Snow alert. Snowplows. Snow mixed with sleet13 and freezing rain. It was alreadysnowing in the west. It was already moving to the east. They gripped this news like a pygmy skull14. Snow showers.
Snow flurries. Snow warnings. Driving snow. Blowing snow. Deep and drifting snow. Accumulations, devastations.
The old people shopped in a panic. When TV didn't fill them with rage, it scared them half to death. They whisperedto each other in the checkout15 lines. Traveler's advisory16, zero visibility. When does it hit? How many inches? Howmany days? They became secretive, shifty, appeared to withhold17 the latest and worst news from others; appeared toblend a cunning with their haste, tried to hurry out before someone questioned the extent of their purchases. Hoardersin a war. Greedy, guilty.
I saw Murray in the generic18 food area, carrying a Teflon skillet. I stopped to watch him for a while. He talked to fouror five people, occasionally pausing to scrawl19 some notes in a spiral book. He managed to write with the skilletwedged awkwardly under his arm.
Wilder called out to him, a tree-top screech20, and I wheeled the cart over.
"How is that good woman of yours?""Fine," I said.
"Does this kid talk yet?""Now and then. He likes to pick his spots.""You know that matter you helped me with? The Elvis Presley power struggle?""Sure. I came in and lectured.""It turns out, tragically21, that I would have won anyway.""What happened?""Cotsakis, my rival, is no longer among the living.""What does that mean?""It means he's dead.""Dead?""Lost in the surf off Malibu. During the term break. I found out an hour ago. Came right here."I was suddenly aware of the dense22 environmental texture23. The automatic doors opened and closed, breathingabruptly. Colors and odors seemed sharper. The sound of gliding24 feet emerged from a dozen other noises, from thesublittoral drone of maintenance systems, from the rustle25 of newsprint as shoppers scanned their horoscopes in thetabloids up front, from the whispers of elderly women with talcumed faces, from the steady rattle26 of cars going overa loose manhole cover just outside the entrance. Gliding feet. I heard them clearly, a sad numb27 shuffle28 in every aisle.
"How are the girls?" Murray said.
"Fine.""Back in school?""Yes.""Now that the scare is over.""Yes. Steffie no longer wears her protective mask.""I want to buy some New York cuts," he said, gesturing toward the butcher.
The phrase seemed familiar, but what did it mean?
"Unpackaged meat, fresh bread," he went on. "Exotic fruits, rare cheeses. Products from twenty countries. It's likebeing at some crossroads of the ancient world, a Persian bazaar29 or boom town on the Tigris. How are you, Jack30?"What did he mean, how are you?
"Poor Cotsakis, lost in the surf," I said. "That enormous man.""That's the one.""I don't know what to say.""He was big all right.""Enormously so.""I don't know what to say either. Except better him than me.""He must have weighed three hundred pounds.""Oh, easily.""What do you think, two ninety, three hundred?""Three hundred easily.""Dead. A big man like that.", "What can we say?""I thought I was big.""He was on another level. You're big on your level.""Not that I knew him. I didn't know him at all.""It's better not knowing them when they die. It's better them than us.""To be so enormous. Then to die.""To be lost without a trace. To be swept away.""I can picture him so clearly.""It's strange in a way, isn't it," he said, "that we can picture the dead."I took Wilder along the fruit bins31. The fruit was gleaming and wet, hard-edged. There was a self-conscious qualityabout it. It looked carefully observed, like four-color fruit in a guide to photography. We veered32 right at the plasticjugs of spring water and headed for the checkout. I liked being with Wilder. The world was a series of fleetinggratifications. He took what he could, then immediately forgot it in the rush of a subsequent pleasure. It was thisforgetfulness I envied and admired.
The woman at the terminal asked him a number of questions, providing her own replies in a babyish voice.
Some of the houses in town were showing signs of neglect. The park benches needed repair, the broken streetsneeded resurfacing. Signs of the times. But the supermarket did not change, except for the better. It was well-stocked,musical and bright. This was the key, it seemed to us. Everything was fine, would continue to be fine, wouldeventually get even better as long as the supermarket did not slip.
Early that evening I drove Babette to her class in posture33. We stopped on the parkway overpass34 and got out to look atthe sunset. Ever since the airborne toxic35 event, the sunsets had become almost unbearably36 beautiful. Not that therewas a measurable connection. If the special character of Nyodene Derivative37 (added to the everyday drift of effluents,pollutants, contaminants and deliriants) had caused this aesthetic38 leap from already brilliant sunsets to broadtowering ruddled visionary skyscapes, tinged39 with dread40, no one had been able to prove it.
"What else can we believe?" Babette said. "How else can we explain?""I don't know.""We're not at the edge of the ocean or desert. We ought to have timid winter sunsets. But look at the blazing sky. It'sso beautiful and dramatic. Sunsets used to last five minutes. Now they last an hour.""Why is that?""Why is that?" she said.
This spot on the overpass offered a broad prospect41 west. People had been coming here ever since the first of the newsunsets, parking their own cars, standing around in the bitter wind to chat nervously42 and look. There were four carshere already, others certain to come. The overpass had become a scenic43 lookout44. The police were reluctant to enforcethe parking ban. It was one of those situations, like the Olympics for the handicapped, that make all the restrictionsseem petty.
Later I drove back to the Congregational church to pick her up. Denise and Wilder came along for the ride. Babette injeans and legwarmers was a fine and stirring sight. Legwarmers lend a note of paramilitary poise45, a hint of archaicwarriorhood. When she shoveled46 snow, she wore a furry47 headband as well. It made me think of the fifth century A.D.
Men standing around campfires speaking in subdued48 tones in their Turkic and Mongol dialects. Clear skies. Thefearless exemplary death of Attila the Hun.
"How was class?" Denise said.
"It's going so well they want me to teach another course.""In what?""Jack won't believe this.""In what?" I said.
"Eating and drinking. It's called Eating and Drinking: Basic Parameters49. Which, I admit, is a little more stupid than itabsolutely has to be.""What could you teach?" Denise said.
"That's just it. It's practically inexhaustible. Eat light foods in warm weather. Drink plenty of liquids.""But everybody knows that.""Knowledge changes every day. People like to have their beliefs reinforced. Don't lie down after eating a heavy meal.
Don't drink liquor on an empty stomach. If you must swim, wait at least an hour after eating. The world is morecomplicated for adults than it is for children. We didn't grow up with all these shifting facts and attitudes. One daythey just started appearing. So people need to be reassured50 by someone in a position of authority that a certain way todo something is the right way or the wrong way, at least for the time being. I'm the closest they could find, that's all."A staticky piece of lint51 clung to the TV screen.
In bed we lay quietly, my head between her breasts, cushioned as if against some remorseless blow. I was determinednot to tell her about the computer verdict. I knew she would be devastated53 to learn that my death would almost surelyprecede hers. Her body became the agency of my resolve, my silence. Nightly I moved toward her breasts, nuzzlinginto that designated space like a wounded sub into its repair dock. I drew courage from her breasts, her warm mouth,her browsing54 hands, from the skimming tips of her fingers on my back. The lighter55 the touch, the more determined52 Iwas to keep her from knowing. Only her own desperation could break my will.
Once I almost asked her to put on legwarmers before we made love. But it seemed a request more deeply rooted inpathos than in aberrant56 sexuality and I thought it might make her suspect that something was wrong.
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aisles
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| n. (席位间的)通道, 侧廊 | |
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aisle
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| n.（教堂、教室、戏院等里的）过道，通道 | |
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wary
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| adj.谨慎的，机警的，小心的 | |
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sensory
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| adj.知觉的，感觉的，知觉器官的 | |
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aroma
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| n.香气，芬芳，芳香 | |
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veal
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| n.小牛肉 | |
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isolate
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| vt.使孤立，隔离 | |
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susceptible
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| adj.过敏的，敏感的；易动感情的，易受感动的 | |
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calamity
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| n.灾害，祸患，不幸事件 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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radar
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| n.雷达，无线电探测器 | |
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frenzy
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| n.疯狂，狂热，极度的激动 | |
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sleet
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| n.雨雪；v.下雨雪，下冰雹 | |
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skull
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| n.头骨；颅骨 | |
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checkout
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| n.（超市等）收银台，付款处 | |
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advisory
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| adj.劝告的，忠告的，顾问的，提供咨询 | |
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withhold
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| v.拒绝，不给；使停止，阻挡 | |
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generic
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| adj.一般的，普通的，共有的 | |
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scrawl
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| vt.潦草地书写；n.潦草的笔记，涂写 | |
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screech
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| n./v.尖叫；(发出)刺耳的声音 | |
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tragically
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| adv. 悲剧地，悲惨地 | |
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dense
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| a.密集的，稠密的，浓密的；密度大的 | |
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texture
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| n.(织物)质地；(材料)构造；结构；肌理 | |
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gliding
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| v. 滑翔 adj. 滑动的 | |
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rustle
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| v.沙沙作响；偷盗(牛、马等)；n.沙沙声声 | |
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rattle
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| v.飞奔，碰响；激怒；n.碰撞声；拨浪鼓 | |
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numb
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| adj.麻木的，失去感觉的；v.使麻木 | |
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shuffle
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| n.拖著脚走，洗纸牌；v.拖曳，慢吞吞地走 | |
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bazaar
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| n.集市，商店集中区 | |
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jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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bins
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| n.大储藏箱( bin的名词复数 )；宽口箱（如面包箱，垃圾箱等）v.扔掉，丢弃( bin的第三人称单数 ) | |
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veered
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| v.（尤指交通工具）改变方向或路线( veer的过去式和过去分词 )；（指谈话内容、人的行为或观点）突然改变；（指风） （在北半球按顺时针方向、在南半球按逆时针方向）逐渐转向；风向顺时针转 | |
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posture
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| n.姿势，姿态，心态，态度；v.作出某种姿势 | |
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overpass
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| n.天桥，立交桥 | |
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toxic
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| adj.有毒的，因中毒引起的 | |
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unbearably
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| adv.不能忍受地，无法容忍地；慌 | |
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derivative
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| n.派(衍)生物；adj.非独创性的，模仿他人的 | |
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aesthetic
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| adj.美学的，审美的，有美感 | |
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tinged
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| v.（使）发丁丁声( ting的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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prospect
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| n.前景，前途；景色，视野 | |
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nervously
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| adv.神情激动地，不安地 | |
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scenic
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| adj.自然景色的，景色优美的 | |
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lookout
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| n.注意，前途，瞭望台 | |
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poise
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| vt./vi. 平衡，保持平衡；n.泰然自若，自信 | |
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shoveled
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| vt.铲，铲出（shovel的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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furry
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| adj.毛皮的；似毛皮的；毛皮制的 | |
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subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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parameters
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| 因素，特征； 界限； （限定性的）因素( parameter的名词复数 )； 参量； 参项； 决定因素 | |
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reassured
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| adj.使消除疑虑的；使放心的v.再保证，恢复信心( reassure的过去式和过去分词) | |
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lint
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| n.线头；绷带用麻布，皮棉 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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devastated
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| v.彻底破坏( devastate的过去式和过去分词)；摧毁；毁灭；在感情上（精神上、财务上等）压垮adj.毁坏的；极为震惊的 | |
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browsing
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| v.吃草( browse的现在分词 )；随意翻阅；（在商店里）随便看看；（在计算机上）浏览信息 | |
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lighter
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| n.打火机，点火器；驳船；v.用驳船运送；light的比较级 | |
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aberrant
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| adj.畸变的，异常的，脱离常轨的 | |
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