I asked my German teacher to add half an hour to each lesson. It seemed more urgent than ever that I learn thelanguage. His room was cold. He wore foul1 weather gear and seemed gradually to be piling furniture against thewindows.
We sat facing each other in the gloom. I did wonderfully well with vocabulary and rules of grammar. I could havepassed a written test easily, made top grades. But I continued to have trouble pronouncing the words. Dunlop did notseem to mind. He enunciated2 for me over and over, scintillas3 of dry spit flying toward my face.
We advanced to three lessons a week. He seemed to shed his distracted manner, to become slightly more engaged.
Furniture, newspapers, cardboard boxes, sheets of polyethylene continued to accumulate against the walls andwindows—items scavenged from ravines. He stared into my mouth as I did my exercises in pronunciation. Once hereached in with his right hand to adjust my tongue. It was a strange and terrible moment, an act of haunting intimacy4.
No one had ever handled my tongue before.
German shepherds still patrolled the town, accompanied by men in Mylex suits. We welcomed the dogs, got used tothem, fed and petted them, but did not adjust well to the sight of costumed men with padded boots, hoses attached totheir masks. We associated these outfits5 with the source of our trouble and fear.
At dinner Denise said, "Why can't they dress in normal clothes?""This is what they wear on duty," Babette said. "It doesn't mean we're in danger. The dogs have sniffed6 out only afew traces of toxic7 material on the edge of town.""That's what we're supposed to believe," Heinrich said. "If they released the true findings, there'd be billions ofdollars in law suits. Not to mention demonstrations8, panic, violence and social disorder9."He seemed to take pleasure in the prospect10. Babette said, "That's a little extreme, isn't it?""What's extreme, what I said or what would happen?""Both. There's no reason to think the results aren't true as published.""Do you really believe that?" he said.
"Why shouldn't I believe it?""Industry would collapse11 if the true results of any of these investigations12 were released.""What investigations?""The ones that are going on all over the country."'That's the point," she said. "Every day on the news there's another toxic spill. Cancerous solvents13 from storage tanks,arsenic from smokestacks, radioactive water from power plants. How serious can it be if it happens all the time? Isn'tthe definition of a serious event based on the fact that it's not an everyday occurrence?"The two girls looked at Heinrich, anticipating a surgically14 deft15 rejoinder.
"Forget these spills," he said. "These spills are nothing."This wasn't the direction any of us had expected him to take. Babette watched him carefully. He cut a lettuce16 leaf onhis salad plate into two equal pieces.
"I wouldn't say they were nothing," she said cautiously. "They're small everyday seepages. They're controllable. Butthey're not nothing. We have to watch them.""The sooner we forget these spills, the sooner we can come to grips with the real issue.""What's the real issue?" I said.
He spoke17 with his mouth full of lettuce and cucumber.
"The real issue is the kind of radiation that surrounds us every day. Your radio, your TV, your microwave oven, yourpower lines just outside the door, your radar18 speed-trap on the highway. For years they told us these low dosesweren't dangerous.""And now?" Babette said.
We watched him use his spoon to mold the mashed19 potatoes on his plate into the shape of a volcanic20 mountain. Hepoured gravy21 ever so carefully into the opening at the top. Then he set to work ridding his steak of fat, veins22 and otherimperfections. It occurred to me that eating is the only form of professionalism most people ever attain23.
"This is the big new worry," he said. "Forget spills, fallouts, leakages24. It's the things right around you in your ownhouse that'll get you sooner or later. It's the electrical and magnetic fields. Who in this room would believe me if Isaid that the suicide rate hits an all-time record among people who live near high-voltage power lines? What makesthese people so sad and depressed25? Just the sight of ugly wires and utility poles? Or does something happen to theirbrain cells from being exposed to constant rays?"He immersed a piece of steak in the gravy that sat in the volcanic depression, then put it in his mouth. But he did notbegin chewing until he'd scooped26 some potatoes from the lower slopes and added it to the meat. A tension seemed tobe building around the question of whether he could finish the gravy before the potatoes collapsed27.
"Forget headaches and fatigue," he said as he chewed. "What about nerve disorders28, strange and violent behavior inthe home? There are scientific findings. Where do you think all the deformed29 babies are coming from? Radio and TV,that's where."The girls looked at him. admiringly. I wanted to argue with him. I wanted to ask him why I should believe thesescientific findings but not the results that indicated we were safe from Nyodene contamination. But what could I say,considering my condition? I wanted to tell him that statistical30 evidence of the kind he was quoting from was bynature inconclusive and misleading. I wanted to say that he would learn to regard all such catastrophic findings withequanimity as he matured, grew out of his confining literalism, developed a spirit of informed and skeptical31 inquiry,advanced in wisdom and rounded judgment32, got old, declined, died.
But I only said, "Terrifying data is now an industry in itself. Different firms compete to see how badly they can scareus.""I've got news for you," he said. "The brain of a white rat releases calcium33 ions when it's exposed to radio-frequencywaves. Does anyone at this table know what that means?"Denise looked at her mother.
"Is this what they teach in school today?" Babette said. "What happened to civics, how a bill becomes a law? Thesquare of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the two sides. I still remember my theorems. The battleof Bunker Hill was really fought on Breed's Hill. Here's one. Latvia, Estonia and Lithuania.""Was it the Monitor or the Merrimac that got sunk?" I said.
"I don't know but it was Tippecanoe and Tyler too.""What was that?" Steffie said.
"I want to say he was an Indian running for office. Here's one. Who invented the mechanical reaper34 and how did itchange the face of American agriculture?""I'm trying to remember the three kinds of rock," I said. "Igneous35, sedimentary and something else.""What about your logarithms? What about the causes of economic discontent leading up to the Great Grash? Here'sone. Who won the Lincoln-Douglas debates? Careful. It's not as obvious as it seems.""Anthracite and bituminous," I said. "Isosceles and scalene."The mysterious words came back to me in a rush of confused schoolroom images.
"Here's one. Angles, Saxons and Jutes."Déjà vu was still a problem in the area. A toll-free hotline had been set up. There were counselors36 on duty around theclock to talk to people who were troubled by recurring37 episodes. Perhaps déjà vu and other tics of the mind and bodywere the durable38 products of the airborne toxic event. But over a period of time it became possible to interpret suchthings as signs of a deep-reaching isolation39 we were beginning to feel. There was no large city with a vaster tormentwe might use to see our own dilemma40 in some soothing41 perspective. No large city to blame for our sense ofvictimization. No city to hate and fear. No panting megacenter to absorb our woe42, to distract us from our unremittingsense of time—time as the agent of our particular ruin, our chromosome43 breaks, hysterically44 multiplying tissue.
"Baba," I whispered between her breasts, that night in bed.
Although we are for a small town remarkably45 free of resentment46, the absence of a polestar metropolis47 leaves usfeeling in our private moments a little lonely.
1 foul | |
adj.污秽的;邪恶的;v.弄脏;妨害;犯规;n.犯规 | |
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2 enunciated | |
v.(清晰地)发音( enunciate的过去式和过去分词 );确切地说明 | |
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3 scintillas | |
n.极少,微量( scintilla的名词复数 ) | |
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4 intimacy | |
n.熟悉,亲密,密切关系,亲昵的言行 | |
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5 outfits | |
n.全套装备( outfit的名词复数 );一套服装;集体;组织v.装备,配置设备,供给服装( outfit的第三人称单数 ) | |
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6 sniffed | |
v.以鼻吸气,嗅,闻( sniff的过去式和过去分词 );抽鼻子(尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气);抱怨,不以为然地说 | |
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7 toxic | |
adj.有毒的,因中毒引起的 | |
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8 demonstrations | |
证明( demonstration的名词复数 ); 表明; 表达; 游行示威 | |
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9 disorder | |
n.紊乱,混乱;骚动,骚乱;疾病,失调 | |
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10 prospect | |
n.前景,前途;景色,视野 | |
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11 collapse | |
vi.累倒;昏倒;倒塌;塌陷 | |
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12 investigations | |
(正式的)调查( investigation的名词复数 ); 侦查; 科学研究; 学术研究 | |
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13 solvents | |
溶解的,溶剂 | |
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14 surgically | |
adv. 外科手术上, 外科手术一般地 | |
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15 deft | |
adj.灵巧的,熟练的(a deft hand 能手) | |
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16 lettuce | |
n.莴苣;生菜 | |
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17 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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18 radar | |
n.雷达,无线电探测器 | |
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19 mashed | |
a.捣烂的 | |
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20 volcanic | |
adj.火山的;象火山的;由火山引起的 | |
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21 gravy | |
n.肉汁;轻易得来的钱,外快 | |
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22 veins | |
n.纹理;矿脉( vein的名词复数 );静脉;叶脉;纹理 | |
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23 attain | |
vt.达到,获得,完成 | |
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24 leakages | |
泄露; 漏( leakage的名词复数 ); 漏出; 漏出物; 渗漏物 | |
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25 depressed | |
adj.沮丧的,抑郁的,不景气的,萧条的 | |
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26 scooped | |
v.抢先报道( scoop的过去式和过去分词 );(敏捷地)抱起;抢先获得;用铲[勺]等挖(洞等) | |
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27 collapsed | |
adj.倒塌的 | |
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28 disorders | |
n.混乱( disorder的名词复数 );凌乱;骚乱;(身心、机能)失调 | |
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29 deformed | |
adj.畸形的;变形的;丑的,破相了的 | |
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30 statistical | |
adj.统计的,统计学的 | |
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31 skeptical | |
adj.怀疑的,多疑的 | |
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32 judgment | |
n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见 | |
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33 calcium | |
n.钙(化学符号Ca) | |
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34 reaper | |
n.收割者,收割机 | |
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35 igneous | |
adj.火的,火绒的 | |
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36 counselors | |
n.顾问( counselor的名词复数 );律师;(使馆等的)参赞;(协助学生解决问题的)指导老师 | |
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37 recurring | |
adj.往复的,再次发生的 | |
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38 durable | |
adj.持久的,耐久的 | |
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39 isolation | |
n.隔离,孤立,分解,分离 | |
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40 dilemma | |
n.困境,进退两难的局面 | |
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41 soothing | |
adj.慰藉的;使人宽心的;镇静的 | |
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42 woe | |
n.悲哀,苦痛,不幸,困难;int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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43 chromosome | |
n.染色体 | |
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44 hysterically | |
ad. 歇斯底里地 | |
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45 remarkably | |
ad.不同寻常地,相当地 | |
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46 resentment | |
n.怨愤,忿恨 | |
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47 metropolis | |
n.首府;大城市 | |
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