Rum disagreed with O’Flaherty confoundedly, but, being sanguine1, and also of an obstinate2 courage not easily to be put down, and liking3 that fluid, and being young withal, he drank it defiantly4 and liberally whenever it came in his way. So this morning he announced to his friend Puddock that he was suffering under a headache ‘that ‘id burst a pot.’ The gallant5 fellow’s stomach, too, was qualmish and disturbed. He heard of breakfast with loathing6. Puddock rather imperiously insisted on his drinking some tea, which he abhorred7, and of which, in very imperfect clothing and with deep groans8 and occasional imprecations on ‘that bastely clar’t’— to which he chose to ascribe his indisposition — he drearily10 partook.
‘I tell you what, Thir,’ said Puddock, finding his patient nothing better, and not relishing11 the notion of presenting his man in that seedy condition upon the field: ‘I’ve got a remedy, a very thimple one; it used to do wondereth for my poor Uncle Neagle, who loved rum shrub12, though it gave him the headache always, and sometimes the gout.’
And Puddock had up Mrs. Hogg, his landlady13, and ordered a pair of little muslin bags about the size of a pistol-cartridge each, which she promised to prepare in five minutes, and he himself tumbled over the leaves of his private manuscript quarto, a desultory14 and miscellaneous album, stuffed with sonnets15 on Celia’s eye — a lock of hair, or a pansy here or there pressed between the pages — birthday verses addressed to Sacharissa, receipts for ‘puptons,’ ‘farces,’ &c.; and several for toilet luxuries, ‘Angelica water,’ ‘The Queen of Hungary’s’ ditto, ‘surfeit waters,’ and finally, that he was in search of, to wit, ‘My great Aunt Bell’s recipe for purging16 the head’ (good against melancholy17 or the headache). You are not to suppose that the volume was slovenly18 or in anywise unworthy of a gentleman and officer of those days. It was bound in red and gold, had two handsome silver-gilt clasps and red edges, the writing being exquisitely19 straight and legible, and without a single blot20.
‘I have them all except — two — three,’ murmured the thoughtful Puddock when he had read over the list of ingredients. These, however, he got from Toole, close at hand, and with a little silver grater and a pretty little agate21 pocket pestle22 and mortar23 — an heirloom derived24 from poor Aunt Bell — he made a wonderful powder; ‘nutmeg and ginger25, cinnamon and cloves,’ as the song says, and every other stinging product of nature and chemistry which the author of this famous family ‘purge for the head’ could bring to remembrance; and certainly it was potent26. With this the cartridges27 were loaded, the ends tied up, and O’Flaherty, placed behind a table on which stood a basin, commenced the serious operation, under Puddock’s directions, by introducing a bag at each side of his mouth, which as a man of honour, he was bound to retain there until Puddock had had his morning’s tête-à-tête with the barber.
Those who please to consult old domestic receipt-books of the last century, will find the whole process very exactly described therein.
‘Be the powers, Sorr, that was the stuff!’ said O’Flaherty, discussing the composition afterwards, with an awful shake of his head; ‘my chops wor blazing before you could count twenty.’
It was martyrdom; but anything was better than the incapacity which threatened, and certainly, by the end of five minutes, his head was something better. In this satisfactory condition — Jerome being in the back garden brushing his regimentals, and preparing his other properties — he suddenly heard voices close to the door, and gracious powers! one was certainly Magnolia’s.
‘That born devil, Juddy Carrol,’ blazed forth28. O’Flaherty, afterwards, ‘pushed open the door; it served me right for not being in my bed-room, and the door locked — though who’d a thought there was such a cruel eediot on airth — bad luck to her — as to show a leedy into a gentleman, with scarcely the half of his clothes on, and undhergoin’ a soart iv an operation, I may say.’
Happily the table behind which he stood was one of those old-fashioned toilet affairs, with the back part, which was turned toward the door, sheeted over with wood, so that his ungartered stockings and rascally29 old slippers30, were invisible. Even so, it was bad enough: he was arrayed in a shabby old silk roquelaire, and there was a towel upon his breast, pinned behind his neck. He had just a second to pop the basin under the table, and to whisk the towel violently from under his chin, drying that feature with merciless violence; when the officious Judy Carrol, Grand Chamberlain in Jerome’s absence, with the facetious31 grin of a good-natured lady about to make two people happy, introduced the bewitching Magnolia, and her meek32 little uncle, Major O’Neill.
In they came, rejoicing, to ask the gallant fireworker (it was a different element just now), to make one of a party of pleasure to Leixlip. O’Flaherty could not so much as hand the young lady a chair; to emerge from behind the table, or even to attempt a retreat, was of course not to be thought of in the existing state of affairs. The action of Puddock’s recipe was such as to make his share in the little complimentary33 conversation that ensued very indistinct, and to oblige him, to his disgrace and despair, when the poor fellow tried a smile, actually to apply his towel hastily to his mouth.
He saw that his visitors observed those symptoms with some perplexity: the major was looking steadfastly34 at O’Flaherty’s lips, and unconsciously making corresponding movements with his own, and the fair Magnolia was evidently full of pleasant surprise and curiosity. I really think, if O’Flaherty had had a pistol within reach, he would have been tempted35 to deliver himself summarily from that agonising situation.
‘I’m afraid, lieutenant36, you’ve got the toothache,’ said Miss Mag, with her usual agreeable simplicity37.
In his alacrity38 to assure her there was no such thing, he actually swallowed one of the bags. ’Twas no easy matter, and he grew very red, and stared frightfully, and swallowed a draught39 of water precipitately40. His misery41 was indeed so great that at the conclusion of a polite little farewell speech of the major’s, he uttered an involuntary groan9, and lively Miss Mag, with an odious42 titter, exclaimed —
‘The little creature’s teething, uncle, as sure as you’re not; either that, or he’s got a hot potato in his poor little mouzey-wouzey;’ and poor O’Flaherty smiled a great silent moist smile at the well-bred pleasantry. The major, who did not choose to hear Mag’s banter43, made a formal, but rather smiling salute44. The lieutenant returned it, and down came the unlucky mortar and a china plate, on which Puddock had mingled45 the ingredients, with a shocking crash and jingle46 on the bare boards; a plate and mortar never made such a noise before, O’Flaherty thought, with a mental imprecation.
‘Nothing — hash —‘appened — Shur,’ said O’Flaherty, whose articulation47 was affected48 a good deal, in terror lest the major should arrest his departure.
So the major and tall Miss Magnolia, with all her roses and lilies, and bold broad talk, and her wicked eyes, went down the stairs; and O’Flaherty, looking with lively emotion in the glass, at the unbecoming coup-d’oeil, heard that agreeable young lady laughing most riotously49 under the windows as she and the major marched away.
It was well for Judy, that, being of the gentler sex, the wrath50 of the fireworker could not wreak51 itself upon her. The oftener he viewed himself in the pier-glass, trying in vain to think he did not look so very badly after all, the more bitter were his feelings. Oh, that villainous old silk morning gown! and his eyes so confoundedly red, and his hair all dishevelled — bad luck to that clar’t! the wig52 was all right, that was his only comfort;, and his mouth, ‘och, look at it; twiste its natural size,’ though that was no trifle.
‘Another week I’ll not stop in her lodgings,’ cried poor O’Flaherty, grinning at himself in the glass, ‘if she keeps that savage53, Judy Carrol, here a day longer.’
Then he stumbled to the stair-head to call her up for judgment54; but changed his mind, and returned to the looking-glass, blowing the cooling air in short whistles through his peppered lips — and I’m sorry to say, blowing out also many an ejaculation and invective55, as that sorry sight met his gaze in the oval mirror, which would have been much better not uttered.
1 sanguine | |
adj.充满希望的,乐观的,血红色的 | |
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2 obstinate | |
adj.顽固的,倔强的,不易屈服的,较难治愈的 | |
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3 liking | |
n.爱好;嗜好;喜欢 | |
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4 defiantly | |
adv.挑战地,大胆对抗地 | |
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5 gallant | |
adj.英勇的,豪侠的;(向女人)献殷勤的 | |
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6 loathing | |
n.厌恶,憎恨v.憎恨,厌恶( loathe的现在分词);极不喜欢 | |
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7 abhorred | |
v.憎恶( abhor的过去式和过去分词 );(厌恶地)回避;拒绝;淘汰 | |
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8 groans | |
n.呻吟,叹息( groan的名词复数 );呻吟般的声音v.呻吟( groan的第三人称单数 );发牢骚;抱怨;受苦 | |
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9 groan | |
vi./n.呻吟,抱怨;(发出)呻吟般的声音 | |
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10 drearily | |
沉寂地,厌倦地,可怕地 | |
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11 relishing | |
v.欣赏( relish的现在分词 );从…获得乐趣;渴望 | |
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12 shrub | |
n.灌木,灌木丛 | |
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13 landlady | |
n.女房东,女地主 | |
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14 desultory | |
adj.散漫的,无方法的 | |
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15 sonnets | |
n.十四行诗( sonnet的名词复数 ) | |
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16 purging | |
清洗; 清除; 净化; 洗炉 | |
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17 melancholy | |
n.忧郁,愁思;adj.令人感伤(沮丧)的,忧郁的 | |
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18 slovenly | |
adj.懒散的,不整齐的,邋遢的 | |
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19 exquisitely | |
adv.精致地;强烈地;剧烈地;异常地 | |
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20 blot | |
vt.弄脏(用吸墨纸)吸干;n.污点,污渍 | |
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21 agate | |
n.玛瑙 | |
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22 pestle | |
n.杵 | |
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23 mortar | |
n.灰浆,灰泥;迫击炮;v.把…用灰浆涂接合 | |
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24 derived | |
vi.起源;由来;衍生;导出v.得到( derive的过去式和过去分词 );(从…中)得到获得;源于;(从…中)提取 | |
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25 ginger | |
n.姜,精力,淡赤黄色;adj.淡赤黄色的;vt.使活泼,使有生气 | |
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26 potent | |
adj.强有力的,有权势的;有效力的 | |
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27 cartridges | |
子弹( cartridge的名词复数 ); (打印机的)墨盒; 录音带盒; (唱机的)唱头 | |
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28 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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29 rascally | |
adj. 无赖的,恶棍的 adv. 无赖地,卑鄙地 | |
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30 slippers | |
n. 拖鞋 | |
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31 facetious | |
adj.轻浮的,好开玩笑的 | |
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32 meek | |
adj.温顺的,逆来顺受的 | |
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33 complimentary | |
adj.赠送的,免费的,赞美的,恭维的 | |
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34 steadfastly | |
adv.踏实地,不变地;岿然;坚定不渝 | |
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35 tempted | |
v.怂恿(某人)干不正当的事;冒…的险(tempt的过去分词) | |
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36 lieutenant | |
n.陆军中尉,海军上尉;代理官员,副职官员 | |
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37 simplicity | |
n.简单,简易;朴素;直率,单纯 | |
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38 alacrity | |
n.敏捷,轻快,乐意 | |
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39 draught | |
n.拉,牵引,拖;一网(饮,吸,阵);顿服药量,通风;v.起草,设计 | |
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40 precipitately | |
adv.猛进地 | |
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41 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
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42 odious | |
adj.可憎的,讨厌的 | |
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43 banter | |
n.嘲弄,戏谑;v.取笑,逗弄,开玩笑 | |
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44 salute | |
vi.行礼,致意,问候,放礼炮;vt.向…致意,迎接,赞扬;n.招呼,敬礼,礼炮 | |
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45 mingled | |
混合,混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 ); 混进,与…交往[联系] | |
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46 jingle | |
n.叮当声,韵律简单的诗句;v.使叮当作响,叮当响,押韵 | |
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47 articulation | |
n.(清楚的)发音;清晰度,咬合 | |
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48 affected | |
adj.不自然的,假装的 | |
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49 riotously | |
adv.骚动地,暴乱地 | |
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50 wrath | |
n.愤怒,愤慨,暴怒 | |
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51 wreak | |
v.发泄;报复 | |
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52 wig | |
n.假发 | |
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53 savage | |
adj.野蛮的;凶恶的,残暴的;n.未开化的人 | |
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54 judgment | |
n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见 | |
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55 invective | |
n.痛骂,恶意抨击 | |
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