How Joseph Andrews writ1 a letter to his sister Pamela.
“To MRS PAMELA ANDREWS, LIVING WITH SQUIRE2 BOOBY.
“DEAR SISTER, — Since I received your letter of your good lady’s death, we have had a misfortune of the same kind in our family. My worthy3 master Sir Thomas died about four days ago; and, what is worse, my poor lady is certainly gone distracted. None of the servants expected her to take it so to heart, because they quarrelled almost every day of their lives: but no more of that, because you know, Pamela, I never loved to tell the secrets of my master’s family; but to be sure you must have known they never loved one another; and I have heard her ladyship wish his honour dead above a thousand times; but nobody knows what it is to lose a friend till they have lost him.
“Don’t tell anybody what I write, because I should not care to have folks say I discover what passes in our family; but if it had not been so great a lady, I should have thought she had had a mind to me. Dear Pamela, don’t tell anybody; but she ordered me to sit down by her bedside, when she was in naked bed; and she held my hand, and talked exactly as a lady does to her sweetheart in a stage-play, which I have seen in Covent Garden, while she wanted him to be no better than he should be.
“If madam be mad, I shall not care for staying long in the family; so I heartily4 wish you could get me a place, either at the squire’s, or some other neighbouring gentleman’s, unless it be true that you are going to be married to parson Williams, as folks talk, and then I should be very willing to be his clerk; for which you know I am qualified5, being able to read and to set a psalm6.
“I fancy I shall be discharged very soon; and the moment I am, unless I hear from you, I shall return to my old master’s country-seat, if it be only to see parson Adams, who is the best man in the world. London is a bad place, and there is so little good fellowship, that the next-door neighbours don’t know one another. Pray give my service to all friends that inquire for me. So I rest
“Your loving brother,
“JOSEPH ANDREWS.”
As soon as Joseph had sealed and directed this letter he walked downstairs, where he met Mrs. Slipslop, with whom we shall take this opportunity to bring the reader a little better acquainted. She was a maiden7 gentlewoman of about forty-five years of age, who, having made a small slip in her youth, had continued a good maid ever since. She was not at this time remarkably8 handsome; being very short, and rather too corpulent in body, and somewhat red, with the addition of pimples9 in the face. Her nose was likewise rather too large, and her eyes too little; nor did she resemble a cow so much in her breath as in two brown globes which she carried before her; one of her legs was also a little shorter than the other, which occasioned her to limp as she walked. This fair creature had long cast the eyes of affection on Joseph, in which she had not met with quite so good success as she probably wished, though, besides the allurements10 of her native charms, she had given him tea, sweetmeats, wine, and many other delicacies11, of which, by keeping the keys, she had the absolute command. Joseph, however, had not returned the least gratitude12 to all these favours, not even so much as a kiss; though I would not insinuate13 she was so easily to be satisfied; for surely then he would have been highly blameable. The truth is, she was arrived at an age when she thought she might indulge herself in any liberties with a man, without the danger of bringing a third person into the world to betray them. She imagined that by so long a self-denial she had not only made amends14 for the small slip of her youth above hinted at, but had likewise laid up a quantity of merit to excuse any future failings. In a word, she resolved to give a loose to her amorous15 inclinations16, and to pay off the debt of pleasure which she found she owed herself, as fast as possible.
With these charms of person, and in this disposition17 of mind, she encountered poor Joseph at the bottom of the stairs, and asked him if he would drink a glass of something good this morning. Joseph, whose spirits were not a little cast down, very readily and thankfully accepted the offer; and together they went into a closet, where, having delivered him a full glass of ratafia, and desired him to sit down, Mrs. Slipslop thus began:—
“Sure nothing can be a more simple contract in a woman than to place her affections on a boy. If I had ever thought it would have been my fate, I should have wished to die a thousand deaths rather than live to see that day. If we like a man, the lightest hint sophisticates. Whereas a boy proposes upon us to break through all the regulations of modesty18, before we can make any oppression upon him.” Joseph, who did not understand a word she said, answered, “Yes, madam.” — “Yes, madam!” replied Mrs. Slipslop with some warmth, “Do you intend to result my passion? Is it not enough, ungrateful as you are, to make no return to all the favours I have done you; but you must treat me with ironing? Barbarous monster! how have I deserved that my passion should be resulted and treated with ironing?” “Madam,” answered Joseph, “I don’t understand your hard words; but I am certain you have no occasion to call me ungrateful, for, so far from intending you any wrong, I have always loved you as well as if you had been my own mother.” “How, sirrah!” says Mrs. Slipslop in a rage; “your own mother? Do you assinuate that I am old enough to be your mother? I don’t know what a stripling may think, but I believe a man would refer me to any green-sickness silly girl whatsomdever: but I ought to despise you rather than be angry with you, for referring the conversation of girls to that of a woman of sense.” — “Madam,” says Joseph, “I am sure I have always valued the honour you did me by your conversation, for I know you are a woman of learning.” — “Yes, but, Joseph,” said she, a little softened19 by the compliment to her learning, “if you had a value for me, you certainly would have found some method of showing it me; for I am convicted you must see the value I have for you. Yes, Joseph, my eyes, whether I would or no, must have declared a passion I cannot conquer. — Oh! Joseph!”
As when a hungry tigress, who long has traversed the woods in fruitless search, sees within the reach of her claws a lamb, she prepares to leap on her prey20; or as a voracious21 pike, of immense size, surveys through the liquid element a roach or gudgeon, which cannot escape her jaws22, opens them wide to swallow the little fish; so did Mrs. Slipslop prepare to lay her violent amorous hands on the poor Joseph, when luckily her mistress’s bell rung, and delivered the intended martyr23 from her clutches. She was obliged to leave him abruptly24, and to defer25 the execution of her purpose till some other time. We shall therefore return to the Lady Booby, and give our reader some account of her behaviour, after she was left by Joseph in a temper of mind not greatly different from that of the inflamed26 Slipslop.
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writ
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| n.命令状，书面命令 | |
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squire
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| n.护卫, 侍从, 乡绅 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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qualified
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| adj.合格的，有资格的，胜任的，有限制的 | |
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psalm
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| n.赞美诗，圣诗 | |
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maiden
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| n.少女，处女；adj.未婚的，纯洁的，无经验的 | |
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remarkably
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| ad.不同寻常地，相当地 | |
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9
pimples
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| n.丘疹，粉刺，小脓疱( pimple的名词复数 ) | |
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allurements
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| n.诱惑( allurement的名词复数 )；吸引；诱惑物；有诱惑力的事物 | |
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delicacies
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| n.棘手( delicacy的名词复数 )；精致；精美的食物；周到 | |
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12
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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13
insinuate
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| vt.含沙射影地说，暗示 | |
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14
amends
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| n. 赔偿 | |
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amorous
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| adj.多情的；有关爱情的 | |
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inclinations
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| 倾向( inclination的名词复数 )； 倾斜； 爱好； 斜坡 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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18
modesty
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| n.谦逊，虚心，端庄，稳重，羞怯，朴素 | |
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softened
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| （使）变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 )； 缓解打击； 缓和； 安慰 | |
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prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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voracious
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| adj.狼吞虎咽的，贪婪的 | |
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jaws
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| n.口部；嘴 | |
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martyr
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| n.烈士，殉难者；vt.杀害，折磨，牺牲 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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25
defer
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| vt.推迟，拖延；vi.(to)遵从，听从，服从 | |
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inflamed
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| adj.发炎的，红肿的v.（使）变红，发怒，过热( inflame的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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