Sayings of wise men. A dialogue between the lady and her maid; and a panegyric1, or rather satire2, on the passion of love, in the sublime3 style.
It is the observation of some antient sage4, whose name I have forgot, that passions operate differently on the human mind, as diseases on the body, in proportion to the strength or weakness, soundness or rottenness, of the one and the other.
We hope, therefore, a judicious5 reader will give himself some pains to observe, what we have so greatly laboured to describe, the different operations of this passion of love in the gentle and cultivated mind of the Lady Booby, from those which it effected in the less polished and coarser disposition6 of Mrs Slipslop.
Another philosopher, whose name also at present escapes my memory, hath somewhere said, that resolutions taken in the absence of the beloved object are very apt to vanish in its presence; on both which wise sayings the following chapter may serve as a comment.
No sooner had Joseph left the room in the manner we have before related than the lady, enraged7 at her disappointment, began to reflect with severity on her conduct. Her love was now changed to disdain8, which pride assisted to torment9 her. She despised herself for the meanness of her passion, and Joseph for its ill success. However, she had now got the better of it in her own opinion, and determined10 immediately to dismiss the object. After much tossing and turning in her bed, and many soliloquies, which if we had no better matter for our reader we would give him, she at last rung the bell as above mentioned, and was presently attended by Mrs Slipslop, who was not much better pleased with Joseph than the lady herself.
“Slipslop,” said Lady Booby, “when did you see Joseph?” The poor woman was so surprized at the unexpected sound of his name at so critical a time, that she had the greatest difficulty to conceal11 the confusion she was under from her mistress; whom she answered, nevertheless, with pretty good confidence, though not entirely12 void of fear of suspicion, that she had not seen him that morning. “I am afraid,” said Lady Booby, “he is a wild young fellow.” — “That he is,” said Slipslop, “and a wicked one too. To my knowledge he games, drinks, swears, and fights eternally; besides, he is horribly indicted13 to wenching.” — “Ay!” said the lady, “I never heard that of him.” — “O madam!” answered the other, “he is so lewd14 a rascal15, that if your ladyship keeps him much longer, you will not have one virgin16 in your house except myself. And yet I can’t conceive what the wenches see in him, to be so foolishly fond as they are; in my eyes, he is as ugly a scarecrow as I ever upheld.” — “Nay,” said the lady, “the boy is well enough.” — “La! ma’am,” cries Slipslop, “I think him the ragmaticallest fellow in the family.” — “Sure, Slipslop,” says she, “you are mistaken: but which of the women do you most suspect?” — “Madam,” says Slipslop, “there is Betty the chambermaid, I am almost convicted, is with child by him.” — “Ay!” says the lady, “then pray pay her her wages instantly. I will keep no such sluts in my family. And as for Joseph, you may discard him too.” — “Would your ladyship have him paid off immediately?” cries Slipslop, “for perhaps, when Betty is gone he may mend: and really the boy is a good servant, and a strong healthy luscious17 boy enough.” — “This morning,” answered the lady with some vehemence18. “I wish, madam,” cries Slipslop, “your ladyship would be so good as to try him a little longer.” — “I will not have my commands disputed,” said the lady; “sure you are not fond of him yourself?” — “I, madam!” cries Slipslop, reddening, if not blushing, “I should be sorry to think your ladyship had any reason to respect me of fondness for a fellow; and if it be your pleasure, I shall fulfil it with as much reluctance19 as possible.” — “As little, I suppose you mean,” said the lady; “and so about it instantly.” Mrs. Slipslop went out, and the lady had scarce taken two turns before she fell to knocking and ringing with great violence. Slipslop, who did not travel post haste, soon returned, and was countermanded20 as to Joseph, but ordered to send Betty about her business without delay. She went out a second time with much greater alacrity21 than before; when the lady began immediately to accuse herself of want of resolution, and to apprehend22 the return of her affection, with its pernicious consequences; she therefore applied23 herself again to the bell, and resummoned Mrs. Slipslop into her presence; who again returned, and was told by her mistress that she had considered better of the matter, and was absolutely resolved to turn away Joseph; which she ordered her to do immediately. Slipslop, who knew the violence of her lady’s temper, and would not venture her place for any Adonis or Hercules in the universe, left her a third time; which she had no sooner done, than the little god Cupid, fearing he had not yet done the lady’s business, took a fresh arrow with the sharpest point out of his quiver, and shot it directly into her heart; in other and plainer language, the lady’s passion got the better of her reason. She called back Slipslop once more, and told her she had resolved to see the boy, and examine him herself; therefore bid her send him up. This wavering in her mistress’s temper probably put something into the waiting-gentlewoman’s head not necessary to mention to the sagacious reader.
Lady Booby was going to call her back again, but could not prevail with herself. The next consideration therefore was, how she should behave to Joseph when he came in. She resolved to preserve all the dignity of the woman of fashion to her servant, and to indulge herself in this last view of Joseph (for that she was most certainly resolved it should be) at his own expense, by first insulting and then discarding him.
O Love, what monstrous24 tricks dost thou play with thy votaries25 of both sexes! How dost thou deceive them, and make them deceive themselves! Their follies26 are thy delight! Their sighs make thee laugh, and their pangs27 are thy merriment!
Not the great Rich, who turns men into monkeys, wheel-barrows, and whatever else best humours his fancy, hath so strangely metamorphosed the human shape; nor the great Cibber, who confounds all number, gender28, and breaks through every rule of grammar at his will, hath so distorted the English language as thou dost metamorphose and distort the human senses.
Thou puttest out our eyes, stoppest up our ears, and takest away the power of our nostrils29; so that we can neither see the largest object, hear the loudest noise, nor smell the most poignant30 perfume. Again, when thou pleasest, thou canst make a molehill appear as a mountain, a Jew’s-harp sound like a trumpet31, and a daisy smell like a violet. Thou canst make cowardice32 brave, avarice33 generous, pride humble34, and cruelty tender-hearted. In short, thou turnest the heart of man inside out, as a juggler35 doth a petticoat, and bringest whatsoever36 pleaseth thee out from it. If there be any one who doubts all this, let him read the next chapter.
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panegyric
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| n.颂词，颂扬 | |
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satire
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| n.讽刺，讽刺文学，讽刺作品 | |
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sublime
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| adj.崇高的，伟大的；极度的，不顾后果的 | |
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sage
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| n.圣人，哲人；adj.贤明的，明智的 | |
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judicious
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| adj.明智的，明断的，能作出明智决定的 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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enraged
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| 使暴怒( enrage的过去式和过去分词 )； 歜； 激愤 | |
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disdain
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| n.鄙视，轻视；v.轻视，鄙视，不屑 | |
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torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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indicted
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| 控告，起诉( indict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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lewd
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| adj.淫荡的 | |
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rascal
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| n.流氓；不诚实的人 | |
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virgin
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| n.处女，未婚女子；adj.未经使用的；未经开发的 | |
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luscious
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| adj.美味的；芬芳的；肉感的，引与性欲的 | |
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vehemence
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| n.热切；激烈；愤怒 | |
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reluctance
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| n.厌恶，讨厌，勉强，不情愿 | |
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countermanded
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| v.取消（命令），撤回( countermand的过去分词 ) | |
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alacrity
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| n.敏捷，轻快，乐意 | |
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apprehend
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| vt.理解，领悟，逮捕，拘捕，忧虑 | |
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applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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monstrous
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| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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votaries
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| n.信徒( votary的名词复数 )；追随者；（天主教）修士；修女 | |
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follies
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| 罪恶，时事讽刺剧； 愚蠢，蠢笨，愚蠢的行为、思想或做法( folly的名词复数 ) | |
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pangs
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| 突然的剧痛( pang的名词复数 )； 悲痛 | |
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gender
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| n.（生理上的）性，（名词、代词等的）性 | |
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nostrils
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| 鼻孔( nostril的名词复数 ) | |
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poignant
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| adj.令人痛苦的，辛酸的，惨痛的 | |
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trumpet
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| n.喇叭，喇叭声；v.吹喇叭，吹嘘 | |
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cowardice
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| n.胆小，怯懦 | |
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avarice
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| n.贪婪；贪心 | |
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humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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juggler
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| n. 变戏法者, 行骗者 | |
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whatsoever
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| adv.（用于否定句中以加强语气）任何；pron.无论什么 | |
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