“I bethought myself that I had totally forgotten my baggage. I took out my check, and then decided5 it was not worth while to return. I continued on my way. In spite of all my efforts to remember, I cannot at this moment make out why I was in such a hurry. I know only that I was conscious that a serious and menacing event was approaching in my life. It was a case of real auto-suggestion. Was it so serious because I thought it so? Or had I a presentiment6? I do not know. Perhaps, too, after what has happened, all previous events have taken on a lugubrious7 tint8 in my memory.
“I arrived at the steps. It was an hour past midnight. A few isvotchiks were before the door, awaiting customers, attracted by the lighted windows (the lighted windows were those of our parlor9 and reception room). Without trying to account for this late illumination, I went up the steps, always with the same expectation of something terrible, and I rang. The servant, a good, industrious10, and very stupid being, named Gregor, opened the door. The first thing that leaped to my eyes in the hall, on the hat-stand, among other garments, was an overcoat. I ought to have been astonished, but I was not astonished. I expected it. ‘That’s it!’ I said to myself.
“When I had asked Gregor who was there, and he had named Troukhatchevsky, I inquired whether there were other visitors. He answered: ‘Nobody.’ I remember the air with which he said that, with a tone that was intended to give me pleasure, and dissipate my doubts. ‘That’s it! that’s it!’ I had the air of saying to myself. ‘And the children?’
“‘Thank God, they are very well. They went to sleep long ago.’
“I scarcely breathed, and I could not keep my jaw from trembling.
Then it was not as I thought. I had often before returned home with the thought that a misfortune had awaited me, but had been mistaken, and everything was going on as usual. But now things were not going on as usual. All that I had imagined, all that I believed to be chimeras11, all really existed. Here was the truth.
“I was on the point of sobbing12, but straightway the demon13 whispered in my ear: ‘Weep and be sentimental14, and they will separate quietly, and there will be no proofs, and all your life you will doubt and suffer.’ And pity for myself vanished, and there remained only the bestial15 need of some adroit16, cunning, and energetic action. I became a beast, an intelligent beast.
“‘No, no,’ said I to Gregor, who was about to announce my arrival. ‘Do this, take a carriage, and go at once for my baggage. Here is the check. Start.’
“He went along the hall to get his overcoat. Fearing lest he might frighten them, I accompanied him to his little room, and waited for him to put on his things. In the dining-room could be heard the sound of conversation and the rattling17 of knives and plates. They were eating. They had not heard the ring. ‘Now if they only do not go out,’ I thought.
“Gregor put on his fur-collared coat and went out. I closed the door after him. I felt anxious when I was alone, thinking that directly I should have to act. How? I did not yet know. I knew only that all was ended, that there could be no doubt of his innocence18, and that in an instant my relations with her were going to be terminated. Before, I had still doubts. I said to myself: ‘Perhaps this is not true. Perhaps I am mistaken.’ Now all doubt had disappeared. All was decided irrevocably. Secretly, all alone with him, at night! It is a violation19 of all duties! Or, worse yet, she may make a show of that audacity20, of that insolence21 in crime, which, by its excess, tends to prove innocence. All is clear. No doubt. I feared but one thing,— that they might run in different directions, that they might invent some new lie, and thus deprive me of material proof, and of the sorrowful joy of punishing, yes, of executing them.
“And to surprise them more quickly, I started on tiptoe for the dining-room, not through the parlor, but through the hall and the children’s rooms. In the first room slept the little boy. In the second, the old nurse moved in her bed, and seemed on the point of waking, and I wondered what she would think when she knew all. And pity for myself gave me such a pang22 that I could not keep the tears back. Not to wake the children, I ran lightly through the hall into my study. I dropped upon the sofa, and sobbed23. ‘I, an honest man, I, the son of my parents, who all my life long have dreamed of family happiness, I who have never betrayed! . . . And here my five children, and she embracing a musician because he has red lips! No, she is not a woman! She is a bitch, a dirty bitch! Beside the chamber24 of the children, whom she had pretended to love all her life! And then to think of what she wrote me! And how do I know? Perhaps it has always been thus. Perhaps all these children, supposed to be mine, are the children of my servants. And if I had arrived to-morrow, she would have come to meet me with her coiffure, with her corsage, her indolent and graceful25 movements (and I see her attractive and ignoble26 features), and this jealous animal would have remained forever in my heart, tearing it. What will the old nurse say? And Gregor? And the poor little Lise? She already understands things. And this impudence27, this falsehood, this bestial sensuality, that I know so well,’ I said to myself.
“I tried to rise. I could not. My heart was beating so violently that I could not hold myself upon my legs. ‘Yes, I shall die of a rush of blood. She will kill me. That is what she wants. What is it to her to kill? But that would be too agreeable to him, and I will not allow him to have this pleasure.
Yes, here I am, and there they are. They are laughing, they. . . . Yes, in spite of the fact that she is no longer in her early youth, he has not disdained28 her. At any rate, she is by no means ugly, and above all, not dangerous to his dear health, to him. Why did I not stifle29 her then?’ said I to myself, as I remembered that other scene of the previous week, when I drove her from my study, and broke the furniture.
“And I recalled the state in which I was then. Not only did I recall it, but I again entered into the same bestial state. And suddenly there came to me a desire to act, and all reasoning, except such as was necessary to action, vanished from my brain, and I was in the condition of a beast, and of a man under the influence of physical excitement pending30 a danger, who acts imperturbably31, without haste, and yet without losing a minute, pursuing a definite object.
“The first thing that I did was to take off my boots, and now, having only stockings on, I advanced toward the wall, over the sofa, where firearms and daggers32 were hanging, and I took down a curved Damascus blade, which I had never used, and which was very sharp. I took it from its sheath. I remember that the sheath fell upon the sofa, and that I said to myself: ‘I must look for it later; it must not be lost.’
“Then I took off my overcoat, which I had kept on all the time, and with wolf-like tread started for THE ROOM. I do not remember how I proceeded, whether I ran or went slowly, through what chambers33 I passed, how I approached the dining-room, how I opened the door, how I entered. I remember nothing about it.
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收听单词发音
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1
climax
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| n.顶点；高潮；v.(使)达到顶点 | |
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2
agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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3
jaw
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| n.颚，颌，说教，流言蜚语；v.喋喋不休，教训 | |
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4
chattered
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| （人）喋喋不休( chatter的过去式 )； 唠叨； （牙齿）打战； （机器）震颤 | |
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5
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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presentiment
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| n.预感，预觉 | |
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7
lugubrious
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| adj.悲哀的，忧郁的 | |
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8
tint
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| n.淡色，浅色；染发剂；vt.着以淡淡的颜色 | |
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9
parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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10
industrious
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| adj.勤劳的，刻苦的，奋发的 | |
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11
chimeras
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| n.（由几种动物的各部分构成的）假想的怪兽( chimera的名词复数 )；不可能实现的想法；幻想；妄想 | |
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12
sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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13
demon
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| n.魔鬼，恶魔 | |
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14
sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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15
bestial
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| adj.残忍的；野蛮的 | |
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16
adroit
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| adj.熟练的，灵巧的 | |
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17
rattling
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| adj. 格格作响的, 活泼的, 很好的 adv. 极其, 很, 非常 动词rattle的现在分词 | |
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18
innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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19
violation
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| n.违反(行为)，违背(行为)，侵犯 | |
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20
audacity
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| n.大胆，卤莽，无礼 | |
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21
insolence
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| n.傲慢；无礼；厚颜；傲慢的态度 | |
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22
pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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23
sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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24
chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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25
graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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26
ignoble
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| adj.不光彩的，卑鄙的；可耻的 | |
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27
impudence
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| n.厚颜无耻；冒失；无礼 | |
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28
disdained
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| 鄙视( disdain的过去式和过去分词 )； 不屑于做，不愿意做 | |
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29
stifle
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| vt.使窒息；闷死；扼杀；抑止，阻止 | |
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30
pending
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| prep.直到，等待…期间；adj.待定的；迫近的 | |
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31
imperturbably
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| adv.泰然地，镇静地，平静地 | |
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32
daggers
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| 匕首，短剑( dagger的名词复数 ) | |
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33
chambers
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| n.房间( chamber的名词复数 )；（议会的）议院；卧室；会议厅 | |
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