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Chapter 15
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“I would like to sit down by the river for a little while,” she said. “Are you cold?” Ben asked, and when she said yes, he got cloaks for them both.

Molly watched the pale water, changing, always changing, and always the same, and she could feel him near, not touching1, not speaking. Thin clouds chased across the face of the swelling2 moon. Soon it would be full, the harvest moon, the end of Indian summer. The man was so cleanly outlined, so unambiguous, she thought. A misshapen bowl, like an artifact made by inexpert hands that would improve with practice.

The moon in the river moved, separated into long shiny ropes that coiled, slid apart, came together, formed a wide band of luminous3 water that looked solid, then broke up again. Against the shore the voice of the river was gentle, secretive.

“Are you cold?” Ben asked again. His face was pale in the moonlight, his eyebrows4 darker than in daylight, straight, heavy. He could have been scowling5 at her; it was hard to tell. She shook her head, and he turned toward the river again.

The river was alive, she thought, and just when you thought you knew it, it changed and showed another face, another mood. Tonight it was beguiling7, full of promise, and even knowing the promises to be false, she could hear the voice whispering to her persuasively8, could sense the pull of the river.

And Ben thought of the river, swollen9 in floodtide, flashing bright over gravel10, over rocks, breaking up into foam11 against boulders12. He saw again the small fire on the bank, the figure of the girl standing13 there silhouetted14 against the gleaming water while the brothers pulled the boat up the hill.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come today,” she said suddenly in a small voice. “I got almost to your door, and then didn’t come the rest of the way. I don’t know why.”

There was a shout of laughter from the auditorium15, and he wished he and Molly had walked farther up the river before stopping. A cloud covered the face of the moon and the river turned black, and only its voice was there, and the peculiar16 smell of the fresh water.

“Are you cold?” he asked again, as if the moonlight had held warmth that now was gone.

She moved closer to him. “Coming home,” she said softly, dreamily, “I kept hearing the river talk to me, and the trees, and the clouds. I suppose it was fatigue17 and hunger, but I really heard them, only I couldn’t understand the words most of the time. Did you hear them, Ben?”

He shook his head, and although she couldn’t see him now with the cloud over the face of the moon, she knew he was denying the voices. She sighed.

“What would happen if you had an idea, something you wanted to work out alone?” she asked after a moment.

Ben shifted uneasily. “It happens,” he said carefully. “We discuss it and usually, unless there’s a good reason, a shortage of equipment, or supplies, something like that, whoever has the idea goes ahead with it.”

Now the cloud had freed the moon; the light seemed brighter after the brief darkness. “What if the others didn’t see the value of the idea?” Molly asked.

“Then it would have no value, and no one would want to waste time on it.”

“But what if it was something you couldn’t explain exactly, something you couldn’t put into words?”

“What is the real question, Molly?” Ben asked, turning to face her. Her face was as pale as the moon, with deep shadows for eyes, her mouth black, not smiling. She looked up at him, and the moon was reflected in her eyes, and she seemed somehow luminous, as if the light came from within her, and he realized that Molly was beautiful. He never had seen it before and now it shocked him that the thought formed, forced itself on him.

Molly stood up suddenly. “I’ll show you,” she said. “In my room.”

They walked back to the hospital side by side, not touching, and Ben thought: of course, the Miriam sisters were all beautiful, most of the sisters were. Just as most of the brothers were handsome. It was a given. And it was meaningless.

She pulled a blind down on the window in her little room and threw her cloak on the chair behind her worktable. Then she pulled out drawings, sorting through them. Finally she handed one to him.

It was a woman, no one he knew, but vaguely18 familiar. Sara, he realized; changed, but Sara. Beside her, mirrors reached into infinity19, and in each mirror was another woman, each Sara, but none exactly like her. Here a scowl6 tightened20 the mouth, there a wide smile, another was laughing, another had graying hair, wrinkles . . . He looked at Molly in bewilderment.

She handed him another drawing. There was a tree, nothing more. A tree rising out of a solid rock. An impossible thing and he felt unsettled by it.

Another drawing. She thrust it at him. A tiny boat on a vast sea that filled the paper from margin21 to margin. There was a solitary22 figure in the boat, so small it was insignificant23, impossible to identify.

He felt upset by the drawings. He looked at Molly on the other side of the drawing table; she was staring at him intently. She looked feverish24, her cheeks flushed, her eyes too bright.

“I need help, Ben,” she said, her voice low and compelling. “You have to help me.”

“What?”

“Ben, I have to do those things in paints. I don’t know why, but I have to. And others. It won’t work with pencil, or pen and ink. I need color and light! Please!”

She was weeping. Ben stared at her in surprise. This was her secret then? She wanted to paint? He suppressed an urge to smile at her, as if she were a child pleading for what was already hers.

She read his expression and sat down and put her head back against the cloak. She closed her eyes. “Miriam understands, and so do my sisters,” she said tiredly, and now the high color in her cheeks faded and she looked very young and weary. “They won’t let me do it.”

“Why not? What’s wrong with painting?”

“I . . . they don’t like the way the pictures make them feel. They think it’s dangerous. Miriam thinks so. The others will too.”

Ben looked at the tiny boat in the endless ocean. “But you don’t have to paint this one, do you? Can’t you do something else?”

She shook her head. Her eyes were still closed. “If someone had a bad heart, would you treat his ear because it was easier?” Now she looked at him, and there was no mockery at all in her face.

“Have you talked to Miriam?”

“She took some drawings I did of the brothers on the trip. She didn’t like them. She kept them. I don’t have to talk to her, or the others. I know what they will say. I bring them only pain anymore.” She thought of them with the Clark brothers on the mat, laughing, sipping25 the amber26 wine, caressing27 the smooth boy/man bodies. It wasn’t group sex, she thought suddenly. It was male and female broken up into parts, just as the moon broke on the smooth river. The sisters made one organism, female; the Clark brothers made up one organism, male, and when they embraced, the female organism would not be completely satisfied because it was not whole that night. One part of its body was missing, had been missing for a long time. And the missing part, like an amputated limb, caused phantom28 pain.

“Molly.” Ben’s voice was gentle. He touched her arm and she started. “Come to my room with me. It is very late. Soon it will be dawn.”

“You don’t have to,” she said. “I thought I wouldn’t tell you, that’s why I turned around before I got to your office today. Then tonight, I thought I had to tell you because I needed help. You don’t have to.”

Almost reluctantly Ben said, “Come with me, Molly. To my room. I want you to.”


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 touching sg6zQ9     
adj.动人的,使人感伤的
参考例句:
  • It was a touching sight.这是一幅动人的景象。
  • His letter was touching.他的信很感人。
2 swelling OUzzd     
n.肿胀
参考例句:
  • Use ice to reduce the swelling. 用冰敷消肿。
  • There is a marked swelling of the lymph nodes. 淋巴结处有明显的肿块。
3 luminous 98ez5     
adj.发光的,发亮的;光明的;明白易懂的;有启发的
参考例句:
  • There are luminous knobs on all the doors in my house.我家所有门上都安有夜光把手。
  • Most clocks and watches in this shop are in luminous paint.这家商店出售的大多数钟表都涂了发光漆。
4 eyebrows a0e6fb1330e9cfecfd1c7a4d00030ed5     
眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • Eyebrows stop sweat from coming down into the eyes. 眉毛挡住汗水使其不能流进眼睛。
  • His eyebrows project noticeably. 他的眉毛特别突出。
5 scowling bbce79e9f38ff2b7862d040d9e2c1dc7     
怒视,生气地皱眉( scowl的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • There she was, grey-suited, sweet-faced, demure, but scowling. 她就在那里,穿着灰色的衣服,漂亮的脸上显得严肃而忧郁。 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹
  • Scowling, Chueh-hui bit his lips. 他马上把眉毛竖起来。 来自汉英文学 - 家(1-26) - 家(1-26)
6 scowl HDNyX     
vi.(at)生气地皱眉,沉下脸,怒视;n.怒容
参考例句:
  • I wonder why he is wearing an angry scowl.我不知道他为何面带怒容。
  • The boss manifested his disgust with a scowl.老板面带怒色,清楚表示出他的厌恶之感。
7 beguiling xyzzKB     
adj.欺骗的,诱人的v.欺骗( beguile的现在分词 );使陶醉;使高兴;消磨(时间等)
参考例句:
  • Her beauty was beguiling. 她美得迷人。
  • His date was curvaceously beguiling. 他约会是用来欺骗女性的。 来自《简明英汉词典》
8 persuasively 24849db8bac7f92da542baa5598b1248     
adv.口才好地;令人信服地
参考例句:
  • Students find that all historians argue reasonably and persuasively. 学生们发现所有的历史学家都争论得有条有理,并且很有说服力。 来自辞典例句
  • He spoke a very persuasively but I smelled a rat and refused his offer. 他说得头头是道,但我觉得有些可疑,于是拒绝了他的建议。 来自辞典例句
9 swollen DrcwL     
adj.肿大的,水涨的;v.使变大,肿胀
参考例句:
  • Her legs had got swollen from standing up all day.因为整天站着,她的双腿已经肿了。
  • A mosquito had bitten her and her arm had swollen up.蚊子叮了她,她的手臂肿起来了。
10 gravel s6hyT     
n.砂跞;砂砾层;结石
参考例句:
  • We bought six bags of gravel for the garden path.我们购买了六袋碎石用来铺花园的小路。
  • More gravel is needed to fill the hollow in the drive.需要更多的砾石来填平车道上的坑洼。
11 foam LjOxI     
v./n.泡沫,起泡沫
参考例句:
  • The glass of beer was mostly foam.这杯啤酒大部分是泡沫。
  • The surface of the water is full of foam.水面都是泡沫。
12 boulders 317f40e6f6d3dc0457562ca415269465     
n.卵石( boulder的名词复数 );巨砾;(受水或天气侵蚀而成的)巨石;漂砾
参考例句:
  • Seals basked on boulders in a flat calm. 海面风平浪静,海豹在巨石上晒太阳。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The river takes a headlong plunge into a maelstrom of rocks and boulders. 河水急流而下,入一个漂砾的漩涡中。 来自《简明英汉词典》
13 standing 2hCzgo     
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的
参考例句:
  • After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
  • They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。
14 silhouetted 4f4f3ccd0698303d7829ad553dcf9eef     
显出轮廓的,显示影像的
参考例句:
  • We could see a church silhouetted against the skyline. 我们可以看到一座教堂凸现在天际。
  • The stark jagged rocks were silhouetted against the sky. 光秃嶙峋的岩石衬托着天空的背景矗立在那里。
15 auditorium HO6yK     
n.观众席,听众席;会堂,礼堂
参考例句:
  • The teacher gathered all the pupils in the auditorium.老师把全体同学集合在礼堂内。
  • The stage is thrust forward into the auditorium.舞台向前突出,伸入观众席。
16 peculiar cinyo     
adj.古怪的,异常的;特殊的,特有的
参考例句:
  • He walks in a peculiar fashion.他走路的样子很奇特。
  • He looked at me with a very peculiar expression.他用一种很奇怪的表情看着我。
17 fatigue PhVzV     
n.疲劳,劳累
参考例句:
  • The old lady can't bear the fatigue of a long journey.这位老妇人不能忍受长途旅行的疲劳。
  • I have got over my weakness and fatigue.我已从虚弱和疲劳中恢复过来了。
18 vaguely BfuzOy     
adv.含糊地,暖昧地
参考例句:
  • He had talked vaguely of going to work abroad.他含糊其词地说了到国外工作的事。
  • He looked vaguely before him with unseeing eyes.他迷迷糊糊的望着前面,对一切都视而不见。
19 infinity o7QxG     
n.无限,无穷,大量
参考例句:
  • It is impossible to count up to infinity.不可能数到无穷大。
  • Theoretically,a line can extend into infinity.从理论上来说直线可以无限地延伸。
20 tightened bd3d8363419d9ff838bae0ba51722ee9     
收紧( tighten的过去式和过去分词 ); (使)变紧; (使)绷紧; 加紧
参考例句:
  • The rope holding the boat suddenly tightened and broke. 系船的绳子突然绷断了。
  • His index finger tightened on the trigger but then relaxed again. 他的食指扣住扳机,然后又松开了。
21 margin 67Mzp     
n.页边空白;差额;余地,余裕;边,边缘
参考例句:
  • We allowed a margin of 20 minutes in catching the train.我们有20分钟的余地赶火车。
  • The village is situated at the margin of a forest.村子位于森林的边缘。
22 solitary 7FUyx     
adj.孤独的,独立的,荒凉的;n.隐士
参考例句:
  • I am rather fond of a solitary stroll in the country.我颇喜欢在乡间独自徜徉。
  • The castle rises in solitary splendour on the fringe of the desert.这座城堡巍然耸立在沙漠的边际,显得十分壮美。
23 insignificant k6Mx1     
adj.无关紧要的,可忽略的,无意义的
参考例句:
  • In winter the effect was found to be insignificant.在冬季,这种作用是不明显的。
  • This problem was insignificant compared to others she faced.这一问题与她面临的其他问题比较起来算不得什么。
24 feverish gzsye     
adj.发烧的,狂热的,兴奋的
参考例句:
  • He is too feverish to rest.他兴奋得安静不下来。
  • They worked with feverish haste to finish the job.为了完成此事他们以狂热的速度工作着。
25 sipping e7d80fb5edc3b51045def1311858d0ae     
v.小口喝,呷,抿( sip的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • She sat in the sun, idly sipping a cool drink. 她坐在阳光下懒洋洋地抿着冷饮。
  • She sat there, sipping at her tea. 她坐在那儿抿着茶。
26 amber LzazBn     
n.琥珀;琥珀色;adj.琥珀制的
参考例句:
  • Would you like an amber necklace for your birthday?你过生日想要一条琥珀项链吗?
  • This is a piece of little amber stones.这是一块小小的琥珀化石。
27 caressing 00dd0b56b758fda4fac8b5d136d391f3     
爱抚的,表现爱情的,亲切的
参考例句:
  • The spring wind is gentle and caressing. 春风和畅。
  • He sat silent still caressing Tartar, who slobbered with exceeding affection. 他不声不响地坐在那里,不断抚摸着鞑靼,它由于获得超常的爱抚而不淌口水。
28 phantom T36zQ     
n.幻影,虚位,幽灵;adj.错觉的,幻影的,幽灵的
参考例句:
  • I found myself staring at her as if she were a phantom.我发现自己瞪大眼睛看着她,好像她是一个幽灵。
  • He is only a phantom of a king.他只是有名无实的国王。


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