If our highly pointed1 Triangles of the Soldier class are formidable, it may be readily inferred that far more formidable are our Women. For if a Soldier is a wedge, a Woman is a needle; being, so to speak, ALL point, at least at the two extremities2. Add to this the power of making herself practically invisible at will, and you will perceive that a Female, in Flatland, is a creature by no means to be trifled with.
But here, perhaps, some of my younger Readers may ask HOW a woman in Flatland can make herself invisible. This ought, I think, to be apparent without any explanation. However, a few words will make it clear to the most unreflecting.
Place a needle on a table. Then, with your eye on the level of the table, look at it side-ways, and you see the whole length of it; but look at it end-ways, and you see nothing but a point, it has become practically invisible. Just so is it with one of our Women. When her side is turned towards us, we see her as a straight line; when the end containing her eye or mouth — for with us these two organs are identical — is the part that meets our eye, then we see nothing but a highly lustrous3 point; but when the back is presented to our view, then — being only sub-lustrous, and, indeed, almost as dim as an inanimate object — her hinder extremity4 serves her as a kind of Invisible Cap.
The dangers to which we are exposed from our Women must now be manifest to the meanest capacity in Spaceland. If even the angle of a respectable Triangle in the middle class is not without its dangers; if to run against a Working Man involves a gash5; if collision with an officer of the military class necessitates6 a serious wound; if a mere7 touch from the vertex of a Private Soldier brings with it danger of death; — what can it be to run against a Woman, except absolute and immediate8 destruction? And when a Woman is invisible, or visible only as a dim sub-lustrous point, how difficult must it be, even for the most cautious, always to avoid collision!
Many are the enactments9 made at different times in the different States of Flatland, in order to minimize this peril10; and in the Southern and less temperate11 climates where the force of gravitation is greater, and human beings more liable to casual and involuntary motions, the Laws concerning Women are naturally much more stringent12. But a general view of the Code may be obtained from the following summary:—
1. Every house shall have one entrance in the Eastern side, for the use of Females only; by which all females shall enter “in a becoming and respectful manner”1 and not by the Men’s or Western door.
2. No Female shall walk in any public place without continually keeping up her Peace-cry, under penalty of death.
3. Any Female, duly certified13 to be suffering from St. Vitus’s Dance, fits, chronic14 cold accompanied by violent sneezing, or any disease necessitating15 involuntary motions, shall be instantly destroyed.
In some of the States there is an additional Law forbidding Females, under penalty of death, from walking or standing16 in any public place without moving their backs constantly from right to left so as to indicate their presence to those behind them; others oblige a Woman, when travelling, to be followed by one of her sons, or servants, or by her husband; others confine Women altogether to their houses except during the religious festivals. But it has been found by the wisest of our Circles or Statesmen that the multiplication17 of restrictions18 on Females tends not only to the debilitation19 and diminution20 of the race, but also to the increase of domestic murders to such an extent that a State loses more than it gains by a too prohibitive Code.
For whenever the temper of the Women is thus exasperated21 by confinement22 at home or hampering23 regulations abroad, they are apt to vent24 their spleen upon their husbands and children; and in the less temperate climates the whole male population of a village has been sometimes destroyed in one or two hours of simultaneous female outbreak. Hence the Three Laws, mentioned above, suffice for the better regulated States, and may be accepted as a rough exemplification of our Female Code.
After all, our principal safeguard is found, not in Legislature, but in the interests of the Women themselves. For, although they can inflict25 instantaneous death by a retrograde movement, yet unless they can at once disengage their stinging extremity from the struggling body of their victim, their own frail26 bodies are liable to be shattered.
The power of Fashion is also on our side. I pointed out that in some less civilized27 States no female is suffered to stand in any public place without swaying her back from right to left. This practice has been universal among ladies of any pretensions28 to breeding in all well-governed States, as far back as the memory of Figures can reach. It is considered a disgrace to any State that legislation should have to enforce what ought to be, and is in every respectable female, a natural instinct. The rhythmical29 and, if I may so say, well-modulated undulation of the back in our ladies of Circular rank is envied and imitated by the wife of a common Equilateral, who can achieve nothing beyond a mere monotonous30 swing, like the ticking of a pendulum31; and the regular tick of the Equilateral is no less admired and copied by the wife of the progressive and aspiring32 Isosceles, in the females of whose family no “back-motion” of any kind has become as yet a necessity of life. Hence, in every family of position and consideration, “back motion” is as prevalent as time itself; and the husbands and sons in these households enjoy immunity33 at least from invisible attacks.
Not that it must be for a moment supposed that our Women are destitute34 of affection. But unfortunately the passion of the moment predominates, in the Frail Sex, over every other consideration. This is, of course, a necessity arising from their unfortunate conformation. For as they have no pretensions to an angle, being inferior in this respect to the very lowest of the Isosceles, they are consequently wholly devoid35 of brain-power, and have neither reflection, judgment36 nor forethought, and hardly any memory. Hence, in their fits of fury, they remember no claims and recognize no distinctions. I have actually known a case where a Woman has exterminated37 her whole household, and half an hour afterwards, when her rage was over and the fragments swept away, has asked what has become of her husband and her children.
Obviously then a Woman is not to be irritated as long as she is in a position where she can turn round. When you have them in their apartments — which are constructed with a view to denying them that power — you can say and do what you like; for they are then wholly impotent for mischief38, and will not remember a few minutes hence the incident for which they may be at this moment threatening you with death, nor the promises which you may have found it necessary to make in order to pacify39 their fury.
On the whole we get on pretty smoothly40 in our domestic relations, except in the lower strata41 of the Military Classes. There the want of tact42 and discretion43 on the part of the husbands produces at times indescribable disasters. Relying too much on the offensive weapons of their acute angles instead of the defensive44 organs of good sense and seasonable simulation, these reckless creatures too often neglect the prescribed construction of the women’s apartments, or irritate their wives by ill-advised expressions out of doors, which they refuse immediately to retract45. Moreover a blunt and stolid46 regard for literal truth indisposes them to make those lavish47 promises by which the more judicious48 Circle can in a moment pacify his consort49. The result is massacre50; not, however, without its advantages, as it eliminates the more brutal51 and troublesome of the Isosceles; and by many of our Circles the destructiveness of the Thinner Sex is regarded as one among many providential arrangements for suppressing redundant52 population, and nipping Revolution in the bud.
Yet even in our best regulated and most approximately Circular families I cannot say that the ideal of family life is so high as with you in Spaceland. There is peace, in so far as the absence of slaughter53 may be called by that name, but there is necessarily little harmony of tastes or pursuits; and the cautious wisdom of the Circles has ensured safety at the cost of domestic comfort. In every Circular or Polygonal54 household it has been a habit from time immemorial — and now has become a kind of instinct among the women of our higher classes — that the mothers and daughters should constantly keep their eyes and mouths towards their husband and his male friends; and for a lady in a family of distinction to turn her back upon her husband would be regarded as a kind of portent55, involving loss of STATUS. But, as I shall soon shew, this custom, though it has the advantage of safety, is not without its disadvantages.
In the house of the Working Man or respectable Tradesman — where the wife is allowed to turn her back upon her husband, while pursuing her household avocations56 — there are at least intervals57 of quiet, when the wife is neither seen nor heard, except for the humming sound of the continuous Peace-cry; but in the homes of the upper classes there is too often no peace. There the voluble mouth and bright penetrating58 eye are ever directed towards the Master of the household; and light itself is not more persistent59 than the stream of feminine discourse60. The tact and skill which suffice to avert61 a Woman’s sting are unequal to the task of stopping a Woman’s mouth; and as the wife has absolutely nothing to say, and absolutely no constraint63 of wit, sense, or conscience to prevent her from saying it, not a few cynics have been found to aver62 that they prefer the danger of the death-dealing but inaudible sting to the safe sonorousness64 of a Woman’s other end.
To my readers in Spaceland the condition of our Women may seem truly deplorable, and so indeed it is. A Male of the lowest type of the Isosceles may look forward to some improvement of his angle, and to the ultimate elevation65 of the whole of his degraded caste; but no Woman can entertain such hopes for her sex. “Once a Woman, always a Woman” is a Decree of Nature; and the very Laws of Evolution seem suspended in her disfavour. Yet at least we can admire the wise Prearrangement which has ordained66 that, as they have no hopes, so they shall have no memory to recall, and no forethought to anticipate, the miseries67 and humiliations which are at once a necessity of their existence and the basis of the constitution of Flatland.
1 When I was in Spaceland I understood that some of your Priestly circles have in the same way a separate entrance for Villagers, Farmers and Teachers of Board Schools (‘Spectator’, Sept. 1884, p. 1255) that they may “approach in a becoming and respectful manner.”
1 pointed | |
adj.尖的,直截了当的 | |
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2 extremities | |
n.端点( extremity的名词复数 );尽头;手和足;极窘迫的境地 | |
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3 lustrous | |
adj.有光泽的;光辉的 | |
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4 extremity | |
n.末端,尽头;尽力;终极;极度 | |
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5 gash | |
v.深切,划开;n.(深长的)切(伤)口;裂缝 | |
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6 necessitates | |
使…成为必要,需要( necessitate的第三人称单数 ) | |
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7 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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8 immediate | |
adj.立即的;直接的,最接近的;紧靠的 | |
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9 enactments | |
n.演出( enactment的名词复数 );展现;规定;通过 | |
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10 peril | |
n.(严重的)危险;危险的事物 | |
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11 temperate | |
adj.温和的,温带的,自我克制的,不过分的 | |
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12 stringent | |
adj.严厉的;令人信服的;银根紧的 | |
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13 certified | |
a.经证明合格的;具有证明文件的 | |
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14 chronic | |
adj.(疾病)长期未愈的,慢性的;极坏的 | |
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15 necessitating | |
使…成为必要,需要( necessitate的现在分词 ) | |
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16 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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17 multiplication | |
n.增加,增多,倍增;增殖,繁殖;乘法 | |
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18 restrictions | |
约束( restriction的名词复数 ); 管制; 制约因素; 带限制性的条件(或规则) | |
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19 debilitation | |
[医]虚弱,无力,乏力 | |
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20 diminution | |
n.减少;变小 | |
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21 exasperated | |
adj.恼怒的 | |
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22 confinement | |
n.幽禁,拘留,监禁;分娩;限制,局限 | |
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23 hampering | |
妨碍,束缚,限制( hamper的现在分词 ) | |
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24 vent | |
n.通风口,排放口;开衩;vt.表达,发泄 | |
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25 inflict | |
vt.(on)把…强加给,使遭受,使承担 | |
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26 frail | |
adj.身体虚弱的;易损坏的 | |
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27 civilized | |
a.有教养的,文雅的 | |
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28 pretensions | |
自称( pretension的名词复数 ); 自命不凡; 要求; 权力 | |
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29 rhythmical | |
adj.有节奏的,有韵律的 | |
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30 monotonous | |
adj.单调的,一成不变的,使人厌倦的 | |
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31 pendulum | |
n.摆,钟摆 | |
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32 aspiring | |
adj.有志气的;有抱负的;高耸的v.渴望;追求 | |
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33 immunity | |
n.优惠;免除;豁免,豁免权 | |
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34 destitute | |
adj.缺乏的;穷困的 | |
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35 devoid | |
adj.全无的,缺乏的 | |
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36 judgment | |
n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见 | |
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37 exterminated | |
v.消灭,根绝( exterminate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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38 mischief | |
n.损害,伤害,危害;恶作剧,捣蛋,胡闹 | |
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39 pacify | |
vt.使(某人)平静(或息怒);抚慰 | |
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40 smoothly | |
adv.平滑地,顺利地,流利地,流畅地 | |
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41 strata | |
n.地层(复数);社会阶层 | |
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42 tact | |
n.机敏,圆滑,得体 | |
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43 discretion | |
n.谨慎;随意处理 | |
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44 defensive | |
adj.防御的;防卫的;防守的 | |
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45 retract | |
vt.缩回,撤回收回,取消 | |
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46 stolid | |
adj.无动于衷的,感情麻木的 | |
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47 lavish | |
adj.无节制的;浪费的;vt.慷慨地给予,挥霍 | |
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48 judicious | |
adj.明智的,明断的,能作出明智决定的 | |
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49 consort | |
v.相伴;结交 | |
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50 massacre | |
n.残杀,大屠杀;v.残杀,集体屠杀 | |
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51 brutal | |
adj.残忍的,野蛮的,不讲理的 | |
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52 redundant | |
adj.多余的,过剩的;(食物)丰富的;被解雇的 | |
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53 slaughter | |
n.屠杀,屠宰;vt.屠杀,宰杀 | |
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54 polygonal | |
adj.多角形的,多边形的 | |
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55 portent | |
n.预兆;恶兆;怪事 | |
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56 avocations | |
n.业余爱好,嗜好( avocation的名词复数 );职业 | |
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57 intervals | |
n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 );间隔时间;[数学]区间;(戏剧、电影或音乐会的)幕间休息 | |
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58 penetrating | |
adj.(声音)响亮的,尖锐的adj.(气味)刺激的adj.(思想)敏锐的,有洞察力的 | |
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59 persistent | |
adj.坚持不懈的,执意的;持续的 | |
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60 discourse | |
n.论文,演说;谈话;话语;vi.讲述,著述 | |
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61 avert | |
v.防止,避免;转移(目光、注意力等) | |
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62 aver | |
v.极力声明;断言;确证 | |
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63 constraint | |
n.(on)约束,限制;限制(或约束)性的事物 | |
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64 sonorousness | |
n.圆润低沉;感人;堂皇;响亮 | |
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65 elevation | |
n.高度;海拔;高地;上升;提高 | |
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66 ordained | |
v.任命(某人)为牧师( ordain的过去式和过去分词 );授予(某人)圣职;(上帝、法律等)命令;判定 | |
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67 miseries | |
n.痛苦( misery的名词复数 );痛苦的事;穷困;常发牢骚的人 | |
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