"Rheya, darling, I have to pay a visit to Snow."The red dawn blazing through the window divided the room in two. We were in an area of blueshadow. Everything outside this shadow-zone was burnished1 copper2: if a book had fallen froma shelf, my ear would have listened instinctively3 for a metallic4 clang.
"It's to do with the experiment. Only I don't know what to do about it. Please understand, I'drather…""You needn't justify5 yourself, Kris. If only it doesn't go on too long.""It's bound to take a while. Look, do you think you could wait in the corridor?""I can try. But what if I lose control?""What does it feel like? I'm not asking just out of curiosity, believe me, but if we can discusshow it works you might find some way of keeping it in check."Rheya had turned pale, but she tried to explain:
"I feel afraid, not of some thing or some person—there's no focus, only a sense of being lost.
And I am terribly ashamed of myself. Then, when you come back, it stops. That's what mademe think I might have been ill.""Perhaps it's only inside this damned Station that it works. I'll make arrangements for us to getout as soon as possible.""Do you think you can?""Why not? I'm not a prisoner here. I'll have to talk it over with Snow. Have you any idea howlong you could manage to remain by yourself?""That depends…If I could hear your voice, I think might be able to hold out.""I'd rather you weren't listening. Not that I have anything to hide, but there's no telling whatSnow might say.""You needn't go on. I understand. I'll just stand close enough to hear the sound of your voice.""I'm going to the operating room to phone him. The doors will be open."Rheya nodded agreement.
I crossed the red zone. The corridor seemed dark by contrast, in spite of the lighting6. Inside theopen door of the operating room, fragments of the Dewar bottle, the last traces of the previousnight's events, gleamed from under a row of liquid oxygen containers. When I took the phoneoff the hook, the little screen lit up, and I tapped out the number of the radio-cabin. Behind thedull glass, a spot of bluish light grew, burst, and Snow was looking at me perched on the edgeof his chair.
"I got your note and I want to talk to you. Can I come over?""Yes. Right away?""Yes.""Excuse me, but are you coming alone or accompanied?""Alone."His creased7 forehead and thin, tanned face filled the screen as he leant forward to scrutinize8 methrough the convex glass. Then he appeared to reach an abrupt9 decision:
"Fine, fine, I'll be expecting you."I went back to the cabin, where I could barely make the shape of Rheya behind the curtain ofred sunlight. She was sitting in an armchair, with her hands clutching the armrests. She musthave failed to hear my footsteps, and I saw her for a moment fighting the inexplicablecompulsion that possessed10 her and wrestling with the fierce contractions11 of her entire bodywhich stopped immediately she saw me. I choked back a feeling of blind rage and pity.
We walked in silence down the long corridor with its polychromed walls; the designers hadintended the variations in color to make life more tolerable inside the armored shell of theStation. A shaft12 of red light ahead of us meant that the door of the radio-cabin was ajar, and Ilooked at Rheya. She made no attempt to return my smile, totally absorbed in her preparationsfor the coming battle with herself. Now that the ordeal13 was about to begin, her face waspinched and white. Fifteen paces from the door, she stopped, pushing me forward gently withher fingertips as I started to turn around. Suddenly I felt that Snow, the experiment, even theStation itself were not worth the agonizing14 price that Rheya was ready to pay, with myself asassistant torturer. I would have retraced15 my steps, but a shadow fell across the cabin doorway,and I hurried inside.
Snow stood facing me with the red sun behind him making a halo of purple light out of hisgrey hair. We confronted one another without speaking, and he was able to examine me at hisleisure in the sunlight that dazzled me so that I could hardly see him.
I walked past him and leaned against a tall desk bristling16 with microphones on their flexiblestalks. Snow pivoted17 slowly and went on staring at me with his habitual18 cheerless smile, inwhich there was no amusement, only overpowering fatigue19. Still with his eyes on mine, hepicked his way through the piles of objects littered about the cabin—thermic cells, instruments,spare parts for the electronic equipment—pulled a stool up against the door of a steel cabinet,and sat down.
I listened anxiously, but no sound came from the corridor. Why did Snow not speak? Theprolonged silence was becoming exasperating20.
I cleared my throat:
"When will you and Sartorius be ready?""We can start today, but the recording21 will take some time.""Recording? You mean the encephalogram?""Yes, you agreed. Is anything wrong?""No, nothing."Another lengthening22 silence. Snow broke it: "Did you have something to tell me?""She knows," I whispered.
He frowned, but I had the impression that he was not really surprised. Then why pretend? I lostall desire to confide23 in him. All the same, I had to be honest:
"She started to suspect after our meeting in the library. My behavior, various other indications.
Then she found Gibarian's tape-recorder and played back the tape."Snow sat intent and unmoving. Standing24 by the desk, my view of the corridor was blocked bythe half-open door. I lowered my voice again:
"Last night, while I was asleep, she tried to kill herself, She drank liquid oxygen…" There wasa sound of rustling25, like papers stirred by the wind. I stopped and listened for something in thecorridor, but the noise did not come from there. A mouse in the cabin? Out of the question, thiswas Solaris. I stole a glance at Snow. "Go on," he said calmly.
"It didn't work, of course. Anyway, she knows who she is.""Why tell me?"I was taken aback for an instant, then I stammered26 out: "So as to inform you, to keep you up todate on the situation…""I warned you.""You mean you knew?" My voice rose involuntarily.
"What you have just told me? Of course not. But I explained the position. When it arrives, thevisitor is almost blank—only a ghost made up of memories and vague images dredged out ofits…source. The longer it stays with you, the more human it becomes. It also becomes moreindependent, up to a certain point. And the longer that goes on, the more difficult it gets…"Snow broke off, looked me up and down, and went on reluctantly: "Does she knoweverything?""Yes, I've just told you.""Everything? Does she know that she came once before, and that you…""No!""Listen Kelvin," he smiled ruefully, "if that's how it is, what do you want to do—leave theStation?""Yes.""With her?"The silence while he considered his reply also revealed something else. Again, fromsomewhere close, and without being able to pin it down, I heard the same faint rustling in thecabin, as if through a thin partition.
Snow shifted on his stool.
"All right. Why look at me like that? Do you think I would stand in your way? You can do asyou like, Kelvin. We're in enough trouble already without putting pressure on each other. Iknow it will be a hopeless job to convince you, but there's something I have to say: you aredoing all you can to stay human in an inhuman27 situation. Noble it may be, but it isn't going toget you anywhere. And I'm not so sure about it being noble—not if it's idiotic28 at the same time.
But that's your affair. Let's get back to the point. You renege on the experiment and take heraway with you. Has it struck you that you'll only be embarking29 on a different kind ofexperiment?""What do you mean? If you want to know whether she can manage it, as long as I'm with her, Idon't see…" I trailed to a halt.
Snow sighed:
"All of us have our heads in the sand, Kelvin, and we know it. There's no need to put on airs.""I'm not putting anything on.""I'm sorry, I didn't want to offend you. I take back the airs, but I still think that you are playingthe ostrich30 game—and a particularly dangerous version. You deceive yourself, you deceiveher, and you chase your own tail. Do you know the necessary conditions for stabilizing31 aneutrino field?""No, nor do you. Nor does anyone.""Exactly. All we know is that the structure is inherently unstable32, and can only be maintainedby means of a continuous energy input33. Sartorius told me that. This energy creates a rotatingstabilization field. Now, does that energy come from outside the 'visitor,' or is it generatedinternally? You see the difference?""Yes. If it is external, she…"Snow finished the sentence for me:
"Away from Solaris, the structure disintegrates34. It's only a theory, of course, but one that youcan verify, since you have already set up an experiment. The vehicle you launched is still inorbit. In my spare moments, I've even calculated its trajectory35. You can take off, intercept36, andfind out what happened to the passenger…""You're out of your mind," I yelled.
"You think so? And what if we brought the shuttle down again? No problem—it's on remotecontrol. We'll bring it out of orbit, and…""Shut up!""That won't do either? There's another method, a very simple one. It doesn't involve bringingthe shuttle down, only establishing radio contact. If she's alive, she'll reply, and…""The oxygen would have run out days ago.""She may not need it. Shall we try?""Snow…Snow…"He mimicked37 my intonation38 angrily:
"Kelvin…Kelvin…Think, just a little. Are you a man or not? Who are you trying to please?
Who do you want to save? Yourself? Her? And which version of her? This one or that one?
Haven't you got the guts39 to face them both? Surely you realize that you haven't thought itthrough. Let me tell you one last time, we are in a situation that is beyond morality."The rustling noise returned, and this time it sounded like nails scraping on a wall. All at once Iwas filled with a dull indifference40. I saw myself, I saw both of us, from a long way off, as ifthrough the wrong end of a telescope, and everything looked meaningless, trivial, and slightlyridiculous.
"So what do you suggest? Send up another shuttle? She would be back tomorrow. And the dayafter, and the day after that. How long do you want it to go on? What's the good of disposing ofher if she keeps returning? How would it help me, or you, or Sartorius, or the Station?""No, here's my suggestion: leave with her. You'll witness the transformation41. After a fewminutes, you'll see…""What? A monster, a demon42?""No, you'll see her die, that's all. Don't think that they are immortal—I promise you that theydie. And then what will you do? Come back…for a fresh sample?" He stared at me withbantering condescension43.
"That's enough!" I burst out, clenching44 my fists.
"Oh, I'm the one who has to be quiet? Look, I didn't start this conversation, and as far as I'mconcerned it has gone on long enough. Let me just suggest some ways for you to amuseyourself. You could scourge45 the ocean with rods, for instance. You've got it into your head thatyou're a traitor46 if you…" He waved his hand in farewell, and raised his head as if to watch animaginary ship in flight. "…and a good man if you keep her. Smiling when you feel likescreaming, and shamming47 cheerful when you want to beat your head against a wall, isn't thatbeing a traitor? What if it is not possible, here, to be anything but a traitor? What will you do?
Take it out on that bastard48 Snow, who is the cause of it all? In that case, Kelvin, you just putthe lid on the rest of your troubles by acting49 like a complete idiot!""You are talking from your own point of view. I love this girl.""Her memory, you mean?""No, herself. I told you what she tried to do. How many 'real' human beings could have thatmuch courage?""So you admit…""Don't quibble.""Right. So she loves you. And you want to love her. It isn't the same thing.""You're wrong.""I'm sorry, Kelvin, but it was your idea to spill all this. You don't love her. You do love her.
She is willing to give her life. So are you. It's touching50, it's magnificent, anything you like, butit's out of place here—it's the wrong setting. Don't you see? No, you don't want to. You aregoing around in circles to satisfy the curiosity of a power we don't understand and can't control,and she is an aspect, a periodic manifestation51 of that power. If she was…if you were beingpestered by some infatuated hag, you wouldn't think twice about packing her off, right?""I suppose so.""Well then, that probably explains why she is not a hag! You feel as if your hands are tied?
That's just it, they are!""All you are doing is adding one more theory to the millions of theories in the library. Leaveme alone Snow, she is…No, I won't say any more.""It's up to you. But remember that she is a mirror that reflects a part of your mind. If she isbeautiful, it's because your memories are. You provide the formula. You can only finish whereyou started, don't forget that.""What do you expect me to do? Send her away? I've already asked you why, and you don'tanswer.""I'll give you an answer. It was you who wanted this conversation, not me. I haven't meddledwith your affairs, and I'm not telling you what to do or what not to do. Even if I had the right, Iwould not. You come here of your own free will, and you dump it all on me. You know why?
To take the weight off your own back. Well I've experienced that weight—don't try to shut meup—and I leave you free to find your own solution. But you want opposition52. If I got in yourway, you could fight me, something tangible53, a man just like you, with the same flesh andblood. Fight me, and you could feel that you too were a man. When I don't give you the excuseto fight, you quarrel with me, or rather with yourself. The one thing you've left out is telling meyou'd die of grief if she suddenly disappeared…No, please, I've heard enough!"I countered clumsily:
"I came to tell you, because I thought you ought to know, that I intend leaving the Station withher.""Still on the same tack," Snow shrugged54. "I only offered my opinion because I realized thatyou were losing touch with reality. And the further you go, the harder you fall. Can you comeand see Sartorius around nine tomorrow morning?""Sartorius? I thought he wasn't letting anybody in. You told me you couldn't even phone him.""He seems to have reached some land of settlement. We never discuss our domestic troubles.
With you, it's another matter. Will you come tomorrow morning?""All right," I grunted55.
I noticed that Snow had slipped his left hand inside the cabinet. How long had the door beenajar? Probably for some time, but in the heat of the encounter I had not registered that theposition of his hand was not natural. It was as if he was concealing56 something—or holdingsomebody's hand.
I licked my lips:
"Snow, what have you…""You'd better leave now," he said evenly.
I closed the door in the final glow of the red twilight57. Rheya was huddled58 against the wall afew paces down the corridor. She sprang to her feet at once:
"You see? I did it, Kris. I feel so much better…Perhaps it will be easier and easier…""Yes, of course…" I answered absently.
We went back to my quarters. I was still speculating about that cabinet, and what had beenhiding there, perhaps overhearing our entire conversation. My cheeks started to burn so hardthat I involuntarily passed the back of my hand over them. What an idiotic meeting! And wheredid it get us? Nowhere. But there was tomorrow morning.
An abrupt thrill of fear ran through me. My encephalogram, a complete record of the workingsof my brain, was to be beamed into the ocean in the form of radiation. What was it Snow hadsaid—would I suffer terribly if Rheya departed? An encephalogram records every mentalprocess, conscious and unconscious. If I want her to disappear, will it happen? But if I wantedto get rid of her would I also be appalled59 at the thought of her imminent60 destruction? Am Iresponsible for my unconscious? No one else is, if not myself. How stupid to agree to let themdo it. Obviously I can examine the recording before it is used, but I won't be able to decode61 it.
Nobody could. The experts can only identify general mental tendencies. For instance, they willsay that the subject is thinking about some mathematical problem, but they are unable tospecify its precise terms. They claim that they have to stick to generalizations62 because theencephalogram cannot discriminate63 among the stream of simultaneous impulses, only some ofwhich have any psychological "counterpart," and they refuse point-blank to hazard anycomment on the unconscious processes. So how could they be expected to decipher memorieswhich have been more or less repressed?
Then why was I so afraid? I had told Rheya only that morning that the experiment could notwork. If Terran neurophysiologists were incapable64 of decoding65 the recording, what chance wasthere for that great alien creature…?
Yet it had infiltrated66 my mind without my knowledge, surveyed my memory, and laid bare mymost vulnerable point. That was undeniable. Without any assistance or radiation transmissions,it had found its way through the armored shell of the Station, located me, and come away withits spoils…"Kris?" Rheya whispered.
Standing at the window with unseeing eyes, I had not noticed the coming of darkness. A thinveiling of high cloud glowed a dim silver in the light of the vanished sun, and obscured thestars.
If she disappears after the experiment, that will mean that I wanted her to disappear—that Ikilled her. No, I will not see Sartorius. They can't force me to cooperate. But I can't tell themthe truth, I'll have to dissemble and lie, and keep on doing it…Because there may be thoughts,intentions and cruel hopes in my mind of which I know nothing, because I am a murdererunawares. Man has gone out to explore other worlds and other civilizations without havingexplored his own labyrinth67 of dark passages and secret chambers68, and without finding what liesbehind doorways69 that he himself has sealed. Was I to abandon Rheya there out of false shame,or because I lacked the courage?
"Kris," said Rheya, more softly still.
She was standing quite close to me now. I pretended not to hear. At that moment, I wanted toisolate myself. I had not yet resolved anything, or reached any decision. I stood motionless,looking at the dark sky and the cold stars, pale ghosts of the stars that shone on Earth. My mindwas a blank. All I had was the grim certainty of having crossed some point of no return. Irefused to admit that I was travelling towards what I could not reach. Apathy70 robbed me of thestrength even to despise myself.
点击收听单词发音
1 burnished | |
adj.抛光的,光亮的v.擦亮(金属等),磨光( burnish的过去式和过去分词 );被擦亮,磨光 | |
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2 copper | |
n.铜;铜币;铜器;adj.铜(制)的;(紫)铜色的 | |
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3 instinctively | |
adv.本能地 | |
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4 metallic | |
adj.金属的;金属制的;含金属的;产金属的;像金属的 | |
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5 justify | |
vt.证明…正当(或有理),为…辩护 | |
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6 lighting | |
n.照明,光线的明暗,舞台灯光 | |
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7 creased | |
(使…)起折痕,弄皱( crease的过去式和过去分词 ); (皮肤)皱起,使起皱纹; 皱皱巴巴 | |
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8 scrutinize | |
n.详细检查,细读 | |
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9 abrupt | |
adj.突然的,意外的;唐突的,鲁莽的 | |
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10 possessed | |
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的 | |
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11 contractions | |
n.收缩( contraction的名词复数 );缩减;缩略词;(分娩时)子宫收缩 | |
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12 shaft | |
n.(工具的)柄,杆状物 | |
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13 ordeal | |
n.苦难经历,(尤指对品格、耐力的)严峻考验 | |
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14 agonizing | |
adj.痛苦难忍的;使人苦恼的v.使极度痛苦;折磨(agonize的ing形式) | |
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15 retraced | |
v.折回( retrace的过去式和过去分词 );回忆;回顾;追溯 | |
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16 bristling | |
a.竖立的 | |
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17 pivoted | |
adj.转动的,回转的,装在枢轴上的v.(似)在枢轴上转动( pivot的过去式和过去分词 );把…放在枢轴上;以…为核心,围绕(主旨)展开 | |
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18 habitual | |
adj.习惯性的;通常的,惯常的 | |
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19 fatigue | |
n.疲劳,劳累 | |
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20 exasperating | |
adj. 激怒的 动词exasperate的现在分词形式 | |
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21 recording | |
n.录音,记录 | |
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22 lengthening | |
(时间或空间)延长,伸长( lengthen的现在分词 ); 加长 | |
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23 confide | |
v.向某人吐露秘密 | |
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24 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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25 rustling | |
n. 瑟瑟声,沙沙声 adj. 发沙沙声的 | |
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26 stammered | |
v.结巴地说出( stammer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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27 inhuman | |
adj.残忍的,不人道的,无人性的 | |
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28 idiotic | |
adj.白痴的 | |
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29 embarking | |
乘船( embark的现在分词 ); 装载; 从事 | |
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30 ostrich | |
n.鸵鸟 | |
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31 stabilizing | |
n.稳定化处理[退火]v.(使)稳定, (使)稳固( stabilize的现在分词 ) | |
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32 unstable | |
adj.不稳定的,易变的 | |
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33 input | |
n.输入(物);投入;vt.把(数据等)输入计算机 | |
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34 disintegrates | |
n.(使)破裂[分裂,粉碎],(使)崩溃( disintegrate的名词复数 )v.(使)破裂[分裂,粉碎],(使)崩溃( disintegrate的第三人称单数 ) | |
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35 trajectory | |
n.弹道,轨道 | |
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36 intercept | |
vt.拦截,截住,截击 | |
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37 mimicked | |
v.(尤指为了逗乐而)模仿( mimic的过去式和过去分词 );酷似 | |
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38 intonation | |
n.语调,声调;发声 | |
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39 guts | |
v.狼吞虎咽,贪婪地吃,飞碟游戏(比赛双方每组5人,相距15码,互相掷接飞碟);毁坏(建筑物等)的内部( gut的第三人称单数 );取出…的内脏n.勇气( gut的名词复数 );内脏;消化道的下段;肠 | |
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40 indifference | |
n.不感兴趣,不关心,冷淡,不在乎 | |
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41 transformation | |
n.变化;改造;转变 | |
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42 demon | |
n.魔鬼,恶魔 | |
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43 condescension | |
n.自以为高人一等,贬低(别人) | |
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44 clenching | |
v.紧握,抓紧,咬紧( clench的现在分词 ) | |
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45 scourge | |
n.灾难,祸害;v.蹂躏 | |
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46 traitor | |
n.叛徒,卖国贼 | |
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47 shamming | |
假装,冒充( sham的现在分词 ) | |
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48 bastard | |
n.坏蛋,混蛋;私生子 | |
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49 acting | |
n.演戏,行为,假装;adj.代理的,临时的,演出用的 | |
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50 touching | |
adj.动人的,使人感伤的 | |
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51 manifestation | |
n.表现形式;表明;现象 | |
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52 opposition | |
n.反对,敌对 | |
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53 tangible | |
adj.有形的,可触摸的,确凿的,实际的 | |
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54 shrugged | |
vt.耸肩(shrug的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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55 grunted | |
(猪等)作呼噜声( grunt的过去式和过去分词 ); (指人)发出类似的哼声; 咕哝着说 | |
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56 concealing | |
v.隐藏,隐瞒,遮住( conceal的现在分词 ) | |
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57 twilight | |
n.暮光,黄昏;暮年,晚期,衰落时期 | |
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58 huddled | |
挤在一起(huddle的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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59 appalled | |
v.使惊骇,使充满恐惧( appall的过去式和过去分词)adj.惊骇的;丧胆的 | |
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60 imminent | |
adj.即将发生的,临近的,逼近的 | |
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61 decode | |
vt.译(码),解(码) | |
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62 generalizations | |
一般化( generalization的名词复数 ); 普通化; 归纳; 概论 | |
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63 discriminate | |
v.区别,辨别,区分;有区别地对待 | |
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64 incapable | |
adj.无能力的,不能做某事的 | |
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65 decoding | |
n.译码,解码v.译(码),解(码)( decode的现在分词 );分析及译解电子信号 | |
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66 infiltrated | |
adj.[医]浸润的v.(使)渗透,(指思想)渗入人的心中( infiltrate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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67 labyrinth | |
n.迷宫;难解的事物;迷路 | |
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68 chambers | |
n.房间( chamber的名词复数 );(议会的)议院;卧室;会议厅 | |
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69 doorways | |
n.门口,门道( doorway的名词复数 ) | |
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70 apathy | |
n.漠不关心,无动于衷;冷淡 | |
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