Until now, the Station had been located at the intersection2 of the forty-third parallel and the116th meridian3. We moved south, maintaining a constant altitude of 1200 feet above the ocean—our radar4 confirmed automatic observations relayed by the artificial satellite which indicateda build-up of activity in the plasma5 of the southern hemisphere.
Forty-eight hours later, a beam of X-rays modulated6 by my own brain-patterns wasbombarding the almost motionless surface of the ocean at regular intervals7.
At the end of this two-day journey we had reached the outskirts8 of the polar region. The disc ofthe blue sun was setting to one side of the horizon, while on the opposite side billowing purpleclouds announced the dawn of the red sun. In the sky, blinding flames and showers of greensparks clashed with the dull purple glow. Even the ocean participated in the battle between thetwo stars, here glittering with mercurial9 flashes, there with crimson10 reflections. The smallestcloud passing overhead brightened the shining foam11 on the wave-crests with iridescence12. Theblue sun had barely set when, at the meeting of ocean and sky, indistinct and drowned inblood-red mist (but signalled immediately by the detectors), a symmetriad blossomed like agigantic crystal flower. The Station held its course, and after fifteen minutes the colossal13 rubythrobbing with dying gleams was once again hidden beneath the horizon. Some minutes later, athin column spouted14 thousands of yards upwards15 into the atmosphere, its base obscured fromview by the curvature of the planet. This fantastic tree, which went on growing and gushingblood and quicksilver, marked the end of the symmetriad: the tangled17 branches at the top of thecolumn melted into a huge mushroom shape, illuminated18 by both suns simultaneously19, andcarried on the wind, while the lower part bulged20, broke up into heavy clusters, and slowly sank.
The death-throes lasted well over an hour.
Another two days passed. Our X-rays had irradiated a vast stretch of the ocean, and we made afinal repetition of the experiment. From our observation post we spotted21 a chain of islets twohundred and fifty miles to the south—six rocky promontories22 encrusted with a snowysubstance which was in fact a deposit of organic origin, proving that the mountainousformation had once been part of the ocean bed.
We then moved south-west, and skirted a chain of mountains capped by clouds which gatheredduring the red day, and then disappeared. Ten days had elapsed since the first experiment.
On the surface, not much was happening in the Station. Sartorius had programmed theexperiment for automatic repetition at set intervals. I did not even know whether anybody waschecking the apparatus23 for correct function. In fact, the calm was not as complete as it seemed,but not because of any human activity.
I was afraid that Sartorius had no real intention of abandoning the construction of the disruptor.
And how would Snow react when he found out that I had kept information from him andexaggerated the dangers we might run in the attempt to annihilate24 neutrino structures? Yetneither of the two said anything further about the project, and I kept wondering why they wereso silent. I vaguely25 suspected them of keeping something from me—perhaps they had beenworking in secret—and every day I inspected the room which housed the disruptor, awindowless cell situated26 directly underneath27 the main laboratory. I never found anybody in theroom, and the layer of dust over the armatures and cables of the apparatus proved that it hadnot been touched for weeks.
As a matter of fact, I did not meet anybody anywhere, and could not get through to Snow anymore: nobody answered when I tried to call the radio-cabin. Somebody had to be controllingthe Station's movements, but who? I had no idea, and oddly enough I considered the questionwas out of my province. The absence of response from the ocean left me equally indifferent, somuch so that after two or three days I had stopped being either hopeful or apprehensive28, andhad completely written off the experiment and its possible results.
For days on end, I remained sitting in the library or in my cabin, accompanied by the silentshadow of Rheya. I was aware that there was an unease between us, and that my state ofmindless suspension could not go on forever. Obviously it was up to me to break the stalemate,but I resisted the very idea of any kind of change: I was incapable29 of making the most trivialdecision. Everything inside the Station, and my relationship with Rheya in particular, feltfragile and insubstantial, as if the slightest alteration30 could shatter the perilous31 equilibrium32 andbring down ruin. I could not tell where this feeling originated, and the strangest thing of all isthat Rheya too had a similar experience. When I look back on those moments today, I have astrong conviction that this atmosphere of uncertainty33 and suspense34, and my presentiment35 ofimpending disaster, was provoked by an invisible presence which had taken possession of theStation. I believe too that I can claim that this presence manifested itself just as powerfully indreams. I have never had visions of that kind before or since, so I decided to note them downand to transcribe36 them approximately, in so far as my vocabulary permits, given that I canconvey only fragmentary glimpses almost entirely37 denuded38 of an incommunicable horror.
A blurred39 region, in the heart of vastness, far from earth and heaven, with no ground underfoot,no vault40 of sky overhead, nothing. I am the prisoner of an alien matter and my body is clothedin a dead, formless substance—or rather I have no body, I am that alien matter. Nebulous palepink globules surround me, suspended in a medium more opaque41 than air, for objects onlybecome clear at very close range, although when they do approach they are abnormallydistinct, and their presence comes home to me with a preternatural vividness. The conviction ofits substantial, tangible42 reality is now so overwhelming that later, when I wake up, I have theimpression that I have just left a state of true perception, and everything I see after opening myeyes seems hazy43 and unreal.
That is how the dream begins. All around me, something is awaiting my consent, my inneracquiescence, and I know, or rather the knowledge exists, that I must not give way to anunknown temptation, for the more the silence seems to promise, the more terrible the outcomewill be. Yet I essentially44 know no such thing, because I would be afraid if I knew, and I neverfeel the slightest fear.
I wait. Out of the enveloping45 pink mist, an invisible object emerges, and touches me. Inert,locked in the alien matter that encloses me, I can neither retreat nor turn away, and still I ambeing touched, my prison is being probed, and I feel this contact like a hand, and the handrecreates me. Until now, I thought I saw, but had no eyes: now I have eyes! Under the caress46 ofthe hesitant fingers, my lips and cheeks emerge from the void, and as the caress goes further Ihave a face, breath stirs in my chest—I exist. And recreated, I in my turn create: a face appearsbefore me that I have never seen until now, at once mysterious and known. I strain to meet itsgaze, but I cannot impose any direction on my own, and we discover one another mutually,beyond any effort of will, in an absorbed silence. I have become alive again, and I feel as ifthere is no limitation on my powers. This creature—a woman?—stays near me, and we aremotionless. The beat of our hearts combines, and all at once, out of the surrounding void wherenothing exists or can exist, steals a presence of indefinable, unimaginable cruelty. The caressthat created us and which wrapped us in a golden cloak becomes the crawling of innumerablefingers. Our white, naked bodies dissolve into a swarm47 of black creeping things, and I am—weare—a mass of glutinous48 coiling worms, endless, and in that infinity49, no, I am infinite, and Ihowl soundlessly, begging for death and for an end. But simultaneously I am dispersed50 in alldirections, and my grief expands in a suffering more acute than any waking state, a pervasive,scattered pain piercing the distant blacks and reds, hard as rock and ever-increasing, amountain of grief visible in the dazzling light of another world.
That dream was one of the simplest. I cannot describe the others, for lack of a language toconvey their dread51. In those dreams, I was unaware52 of the existence of Rheya, nor was thereany echo of past or recent events.
There were also visionless dreams, where in an unmoving, clotted53 silence I felt myself beingslowly and minutely explored, although no instrument or hand touched me. Yet I felt myselfbeing invaded through and through, I crumbled54, disintegrated55, and only emptiness remained.
Total annihilation was succeeded by such terror that its memory alone makes my heart beatfaster today.
So the days passed, each one like the next. I was indifferent to everything, fearing only thenight and unable to find a means of escape from the dreams. Rheya never slept. I lay besideher, fighting against sleep, and the tenderness with which I clung to her was only a pretext56, away of avoiding the moment when I would be compelled to close my eyes. I had notmentioned these nightmares to her, but she must have guessed, for her attitude involuntarilybetrayed a sense of deep humiliation57.
As I say, I had not seen Snow or Sartorius for some time, yet Snow gave occasional signs oflife. He would leave a note at my door, or call me on the videophone, asking whether I hadnoticed any new event or change, or anything at all which could be interpreted as a response tothe repeated X-ray bombardments. I told him No, and asked him the same question, but therein the little screen Snow only shook his head.
On the fifteenth day after the conclusion of the experiment, I woke up earlier than usual,exhausted by the previous night's dreams. All my limbs were numbed58, as if emerging from theeffects of a powerful narcotic59. The first rays of the red sun shone through the window, ablanket of red flame ripped over the surface of the ocean, and I realized that the vast expansewhich had not been disturbed by the slightest movement in the past four days was beginning tostir. The dark ocean was abruptly60 covered by a thin veil of mist which seemed at the same timeto have a very palpable consistency61. Here and there the mist shook, and tremors62 spread out tothe horizon in all directions. Now the ocean disappeared altogether beneath thick, corrugatedmembranes with pink swellings and pearly depressions, and these strange waves suspendedabove the ocean swirled63 suddenly and coalesced64 into great balls of blue-green foam. A tempestof wind hurled65 them upwards to the height of the Station, and wherever I looked, immensemembranous wings were soaring in the red sky. Some of these wings of foam, which blottedout the sun, were pitch-black, and others shone with highlights of purple as they were exposedobliquely to the sunlight. Still the phenomenon continued, as if the ocean were mutating, orshedding an old scaly66 skin. Now and again the dark surface of the ocean could be glimpsedthrough a gap that the foam filled in an instant. Wings of foam planed all around me, only afew yards from the window, and one swooped67 to rub against the window pane68 like a silkenscarf. As the ocean went on giving birth to these fantastic birds, the first flights were alreadydissipating high above, decomposing69 at their zenith into transparent70 filaments71.
The Station remained motionless as long as the spectacle lasted—about three hours, until nightintervened. And even after the sun had set and the shadows had spread over the ocean, the luridglow of myriads72 of wings could still be discerned rising into the sky, hovering73 in massed ranks,and climbing effortlessly towards the light.
This performance had terrified Rheya, but it was no less disconcerting for me, although itsnovelty ought not to have been disturbing, since two or three times a year, and oftener whenluck smiled on them, Solarists observed forms and creations never previously74 recorded.
The following night, an hour before the blue sunrise, we witnessed another effect: the oceanwas becoming phosphorescent. Pools of grey light were rising and falling to the rhythm ofinvisible waves. Isolated75 at first, these grey patches quickly spread and joined together, andsoon made up a carpet of spectral76 light extending as far as the eye could see. The intensity77 ofthe light grew progressively for some fifteen to twenty minutes, then the phenomenon came toa surprising end. A pall78 of shadow approached from the west, stretching along a front severalhundred miles wide. When this moving shadow had overtaken the Station, the phosphorescentpart of the ocean, retreating eastward79, seemed to be trying to escape from the vast extinguisher.
It was like an aurora80 put to flight, and retreating as far as the horizon, which was edged by afading glow before the darkness conquered. Shortly afterwards, the sun rose above the oceanwastes, which were furrowed81 by a few solidified82 waves, whose mercurial reflections played onmy window.
The phosphorescence was a recorded effect, sometimes observed before the eruption83 of anasymmetriad, but always indicative of a local increase in the activity of the plasma.
Nevertheless, in the course of the next two weeks nothing happened either inside or outside theStation, except on one occasion when in the middle of the night I heard the sound of a piercingscream which came from no human throat. The shrill84, protracted85 howling woke me out of anightmare, and at first I thought that it was the beginning of another. Before falling asleep, Ihad heard dull noises coming from the direction of the laboratory, part of which lay directlyover my cabin. It sounded like heavy objects and machinery86 being shifted. When I realized thatI was not dreaming, I decided that the scream also came from above, but could not understandhow it managed to penetrate87 the sound-proof ceiling. The terrible sounds went on for almosthalf an hour, until my nerves jangled and I was pouring with sweat. I was about to go up andinvestigate when the screaming stopped, to be replaced by more muffled88 sounds as of objectsbeing dragged across the floor.
Rheya and I were sitting in the kitchen two days later when Snow came in. He was dressed aspeople dress on Earth after their day's work, and looked like a different person, taller and older.
He did not look at us, or pull up a chair, but stood at the table, opened a can of meat and begancramming it down between mouthfuls of bread. His jacket sleeve brushed against the greasytop of the can.
"Look out, Snow, your sleeve!""What?" he grunted89, then went on stuffing himself with food as if he had not eaten for days. Hepoured out a glass of wine, drank it at a gulp90, sighed, and wiped his lips. Then he looked at mewith bloodshot eyes, and mumbled91:
"So you've stopped shaving? Ah…"Rheya cleared the table. Snow swayed on his heels, then pulled a face and sucked his teethnoisily, deliberately92 exaggerating the action. He stared at me insistently93:
"So you've decided not to shave?" I made no reply. "Believe me," he went on, "you're making amistake. That was how it started with him to…""Go and lie down.""What? Just when I feel like talking? Listen, Kelvin, perhaps it wishes well…perhaps it wantsto please us but doesn't quite know how to set about the job. It spies out desires in our brains,and only two per cent of mental processes are conscious. That means it knows us better thanwe know ourselves. We've got to reach an understanding with it. Are you listening? Don't youwant to? Why?"—he was sobbing95 by now—"why don't you shave?""Shut up!…you're drunk.""Me, drunk? And what if I am? Just because I drift about from one end of space to another andpoke my nose into the cosmos96, does that mean I'm not allowed to get drunk? Why not? Youbelieve in the mission of mankind, don't you, Kelvin? Gibarian told me about you before hestarted letting his beard grow…It was a very good description. Just don't go to the lab, if youdon't want to lose your faith. It belongs to Sartorius—Faust in reverse…he's looking for a curefor immortality98! He is the last knight99 of the Holy Contact, the man we need. His latestdiscovery is pretty good too…prolonged dying. Not bad, eh? Agonia perpetua…of the straw…the straw hats and still you don't drink, Kelvin?"He raised his swollen100 eyelids101 and looked at Rheya, who was standing94 quite still with her backto the wall. Then he began chanting:
"O fair Aphrodite, child of Ocean, your divine hand…" He choked with laughter. "It fits, eh,Kel…vin…"He broke off in a fit of coughing.
"Shut up! Shut up and get out!" I grated through clenched102 teeth.
"You're chucking me out? You too? You don't shave and you chuck me out? What about mywarnings, and my advice? Interstellar colleagues ought to help each other! Listen Kelvin, let'sgo down and open the traps and call out. It might hear us. But what's its name? We have namedall the stars and all the planets, even though they might already have had names of their own.
What a nerve! Come on, let's go down. We'll shout it such a description of the trick it's playedus that it will be touched. It will make us silver symmetriads, pray to us in calculus103, send us itsblood-stained angels. It will share our troubles and terrors, and beg us to help it die. It isalready begging us, imploring104 us. It implores105 us to help it die with every one of its creations.
You're not amused…but you know I'm just a joker. If man had more of a sense of humor,things might have turned out differently. Do you know what he wants to do? He wants topunish this ocean, hear it screaming out of all its mountains at once. If you think he'll neverhave the nerve to submit his plan to that bunch of doddering ancients who sent us here toredeem sins we haven't committed, you're right—he is afraid. But he is only afraid of the littlehat. He won't let anybody see the little hat, he won't dare, not Faust…"I said nothing. Snow's swaying increased. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and onto hisclothes. He went on:
"Who is responsible? Who is responsible for this situation? Gibarian? Giese? Einstein? Plato?
All criminals…Just you think, in a rocket a man takes the risk of bursting like a balloon, orfreezing, or roasting, or sweating all his blood out in a single gush16, before he can even cry out,and all that remains106 is bits of bone floating inside armored hulls107, in accordance with the laws ofNewton as corrected by Einstein, those two milestones108 in our progress. Down the road we go,all in good faith, and see where it gets us. Think about our success, Kelvin; think about ourcabins, the unbreakable plates, the immortal97 sinks, legions of faithful wardrobes, devotedcupboards…I wouldn't be talking this way if I weren't drunk, but sooner or later somebody wasbound to say it, weren't they? You sit there like a baby in a slaughterhouse, and you let yourbeard grow…Who's to blame? Find out for yourself."He turned slowly and went out, putting an arm out against the doorpost to steady himself. Thenhis footsteps died away along the corridor.
I tried not to look at Rheya, but my eyes were drawn109 to hers in spite of myself. I wanted to getup, take her in my arms and stroke her hair. I did not move.
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1
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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intersection
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| n.交集，十字路口，交叉点；[计算机] 交集 | |
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meridian
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| adj.子午线的；全盛期的 | |
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radar
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| n.雷达，无线电探测器 | |
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plasma
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| n.血浆，细胞质，乳清 | |
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modulated
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| 已调整[制]的，被调的 | |
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intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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outskirts
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| n.郊外，郊区 | |
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mercurial
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| adj.善变的，活泼的 | |
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crimson
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| n./adj.深(绯)红色(的)；vi.脸变绯红色 | |
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foam
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| v./n.泡沫，起泡沫 | |
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iridescence
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| n.彩虹色；放光彩；晕色；晕彩 | |
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colossal
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| adj.异常的，庞大的 | |
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spouted
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| adj.装有嘴的v.（指液体）喷出( spout的过去式和过去分词 )；滔滔不绝地讲；喋喋不休地说；喷水 | |
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upwards
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| adv.向上，在更高处...以上 | |
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gush
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| v.喷，涌；滔滔不绝(说话)；n.喷，涌流；迸发 | |
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tangled
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| adj. 纠缠的，紊乱的 动词tangle的过去式和过去分词 | |
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illuminated
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| adj.被照明的；受启迪的 | |
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simultaneously
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| adv.同时发生地，同时进行地 | |
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bulged
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| 凸出( bulge的过去式和过去分词 )； 充满； 塞满（某物） | |
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spotted
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| adj.有斑点的，斑纹的，弄污了的 | |
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promontories
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| n.岬，隆起，海角( promontory的名词复数 ) | |
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apparatus
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| n.装置，器械；器具，设备 | |
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annihilate
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| v.使无效；毁灭；取消 | |
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vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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situated
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underneath
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| adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面 | |
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apprehensive
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| adj.担心的，恐惧的，善于领会的 | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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alteration
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| n.变更，改变；蚀变 | |
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perilous
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| adj.危险的，冒险的 | |
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equilibrium
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| n.平衡，均衡，相称，均势，平静 | |
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uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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suspense
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| n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑 | |
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presentiment
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| n.预感，预觉 | |
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transcribe
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| v.抄写，誉写；改编(乐曲)；复制，转录 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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denuded
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| adj.[医]变光的，裸露的v.使赤裸( denude的过去式和过去分词 )；剥光覆盖物 | |
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blurred
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| v.（使）变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）难以区分；模模糊糊；迷离 | |
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vault
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| n.拱形圆顶，地窖，地下室 | |
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opaque
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| adj.不透光的；不反光的，不传导的；晦涩的 | |
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tangible
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| adj.有形的，可触摸的，确凿的，实际的 | |
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hazy
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| adj.有薄雾的，朦胧的；不肯定的，模糊的 | |
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essentially
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| adv.本质上，实质上，基本上 | |
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enveloping
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| v.包围，笼罩，包住( envelop的现在分词 ) | |
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caress
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| vt./n.爱抚，抚摸 | |
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swarm
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| n.(昆虫)等一大群；vi.成群飞舞；蜂拥而入 | |
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glutinous
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| adj.粘的，胶状的 | |
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infinity
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| n.无限，无穷，大量 | |
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dispersed
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| adj. 被驱散的, 被分散的, 散布的 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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unaware
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| a.不知道的，未意识到的 | |
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clotted
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| adj.凝结的v.凝固( clot的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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crumbled
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| （把…）弄碎， （使）碎成细屑( crumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 衰落； 坍塌； 损坏 | |
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disintegrated
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| v.（使）破裂[分裂，粉碎]，（使）崩溃( disintegrate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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pretext
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| n.借口，托词 | |
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humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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numbed
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| v.使麻木，使麻痹( numb的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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narcotic
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| n.麻醉药，镇静剂；adj.麻醉的，催眠的 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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consistency
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| n.一贯性，前后一致，稳定性；(液体的)浓度 | |
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tremors
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| 震颤( tremor的名词复数 )； 战栗； 震颤声； 大地的轻微震动 | |
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swirled
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| v.旋转，打旋( swirl的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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coalesced
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| v.联合，合并( coalesce的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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hurled
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| v.猛投，用力掷( hurl的过去式和过去分词 )；大声叫骂 | |
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scaly
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| adj.鱼鳞状的；干燥粗糙的 | |
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swooped
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| 俯冲，猛冲( swoop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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pane
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| n.窗格玻璃，长方块 | |
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decomposing
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| 腐烂( decompose的现在分词 )； （使）分解； 分解（某物质、光线等） | |
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transparent
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| adj.明显的，无疑的；透明的 | |
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filaments
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| n.（电灯泡的）灯丝( filament的名词复数 )；丝极；细丝；丝状物 | |
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myriads
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| n.无数，极大数量( myriad的名词复数 ) | |
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hovering
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| 鸟( hover的现在分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
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previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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isolated
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| adj.与世隔绝的 | |
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spectral
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| adj.幽灵的，鬼魂的 | |
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intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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pall
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| v.覆盖，使平淡无味；n.柩衣，棺罩；棺材；帷幕 | |
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eastward
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| adv.向东；adj.向东的；n.东方，东部 | |
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aurora
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| n.极光 | |
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furrowed
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| v.犁田，开沟( furrow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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solidified
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| （使）成为固体，（使）变硬，（使）变得坚固( solidify的过去式和过去分词 )； 使团结一致； 充实，巩固； 具体化 | |
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eruption
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| n.火山爆发；（战争等）爆发；（疾病等）发作 | |
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shrill
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| adj.尖声的；刺耳的；v尖叫 | |
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protracted
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| adj.拖延的；延长的v.拖延“protract”的过去式和过去分词 | |
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machinery
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| n.(总称)机械，机器；机构 | |
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penetrate
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| v.透(渗)入；刺入，刺穿；洞察，了解 | |
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muffled
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| adj.（声音）被隔的；听不太清的；（衣服）裹严的；蒙住的v.压抑，捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 )；用厚厚的衣帽包着（自己） | |
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grunted
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| （猪等）作呼噜声( grunt的过去式和过去分词 )； （指人）发出类似的哼声； 咕哝着说 | |
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gulp
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| vt.吞咽，大口地吸（气）；vi.哽住；n.吞咽 | |
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mumbled
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| 含糊地说某事，叽咕，咕哝( mumble的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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insistently
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| ad.坚持地 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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cosmos
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| n.宇宙；秩序，和谐 | |
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immortal
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| adj.不朽的；永生的，不死的；神的 | |
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immortality
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| n.不死，不朽 | |
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knight
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| n.骑士，武士；爵士 | |
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swollen
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| adj.肿大的，水涨的；v.使变大，肿胀 | |
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eyelids
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| n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 )；眼睛也不眨一下；不露声色；面不改色 | |
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clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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103
calculus
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| n.微积分；结石 | |
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104
imploring
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| 恳求的，哀求的 | |
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105
implores
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| 恳求或乞求（某人）( implore的第三人称单数 ) | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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107
hulls
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| 船体( hull的名词复数 )； 船身； 外壳； 豆荚 | |
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milestones
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| n.重要事件( milestone的名词复数 )；重要阶段；转折点；里程碑 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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