Part 3 There's something about this person i really like!

Whether you're trying to make a sale, get a date or wangle out of a traffic ticket, you need to establish rapport. Sometimes rapport just happens naturally and you've no clue why, The job gets done, the conversation flows, the cop tears up theticket. But how often have you found yourself in asituation where, no matter how hard you try, youjust can't seem to connect with another person—and it makes no sense? After all, you know you're afine, decent human being. Maybe you're even a fabu-lous, wildly attractive human being. But no matterwhat you say or do, you don't establish rapport andyou can't connect.

You're not alone. Being a decent sort is not enoughto guarantee good rapport with another person. In thedictionary, "rapport" is defined as "harmonious or27sympathetic communication." In our interpersonalcommunications, we go through certain routines whenwe first meet a new person. If these routines work outand rapport is established, we can begin to deliver ourcommunication with some certainty that it will beaccepted and given serious consideration. Seriousconsideration is vital because the fundamental outcomeof rapport is the perception of credibility, whichin turn will lead to mutual trust. If credibility is notestablished, the messenger and not the message maybecome the focus of attention, and that attention willharbor discomfort.

But when we experience the world through the sameeyes, ears and feelings as others, we are so bonded, orsynchronized, with them that they can't help but knowwe understand them. This means being so much likethem that they trust us and feel comfortable with us—that they say to themselves subconsciously, "I don'tknow what it is about this person, but there's somethingI really like."Research has shown that we have approximately90 seconds to make a favorable impression when wefirst meet someone. What happens in those 90 secondscan determine whether we succeed or fail at achievingrapport. In fact, frequently we have even less than 90seconds!