Letter of Remonstrance

From Bridget Jones
To the Noblemen and Gentlemen Forming the Washing Committee.

It’s a shame, so it is — men can’t Let alone

Jobs as is Woman’s right to do — and go about there Own —

Theirs Reforms enuff Alreddy without your new schools

For washing to sit Up — and push the Old Tubs from their stools!

But your just like the Raddicals — for upsetting of the Sudds

When the world wagged well enuff — and Wommen washed your old dirty duds,

I’m Certain sure Enuff your Ann Sisters had no steem Indians, that’s Flat —

But I warrant your Four Fathers went as Tidy and gentlemanny for all that —

I suppose your the Family as lived in the Great Kittle

I see on Clapham Commun, some times a very considerable period back when I were little,

And they Said it went with Steem — But that was a joke!

For I never see none come of it — that’s out of it — but only sum Smoak —

And for All your Power of Horses about your Indians you never had but Two

In my time to draw you About to Fairs — and hang you, you know that’s true!

And for All your fine Perspectuses — howsomever you bewhich ’em,

Theirs as Pretty ones off Primerows Hill, as ever a one at Mitchum,

Tho’ I cant¹ sea What Prospectives and washing has with one another to Do —

It aint as if a Bird’seye Hankicher could take a Birds-high view!

But Thats your look out — I’ve not much to do with that — But pleas God to hold up fine,

I’d show you caps and pinners and small things as lilliwhit as Ever crosst the Line

Without going any Father off then Little Parodies² Place,

And Thats more than you Can — and I’ll say it behind your face —

But when Folks talks of washing, it aint for you to Speak —

As kept Dockter Pattyson out of his Shirt for a Weak!

Thinks I, when I heard it — Well there’s a pretty go!

That comes o’ not marking of things or washing out the marks, and Huddling³ ’em up so!

Till Their friends conies and owns them, like drownded corpeses in a Vault⁴,

But may Hap⁵ you havint Larn’d to spel — and That aint your Fault,

Only you ought to leafe the Linnins to them as has Larn’d —

For if it warnt for Washing — and whare Bills is concarned

What’s the Yuse, of all the world, for a Womans Headication,

And Their Being maid Schollards of Sundays — fit for any Cityation.

Well, what I says is This — when every Kittle has its spout⁶,

Theirs no nead for Companys to puff⁷ steem about!

To be sure its very Well, when Their aint enuff Wind

For blowing up Boats with — but not to hurt human kind

Like that Pearkins with his Blunderbush, that’s loaded with hot water,

Tho’ a X Sherif might know Better, than make things for slaughtter,

As if War warnt Cruel enuff — wherever it befalls,

Without shooting poor sogers, with sich scalding hot balls —

But thats not so Bad as a Sett of Bare Faced Scrubbs

As joins their Sopes together, and sits up Steem rubbing Clubs,

For washing Dirt Cheap — and eating other Peple’s grubs!

Which is all verry Fine for you and your Patent Tea,

But I wonders How Poor Wommen is to get Their Beau-He!

They must drink Hunt wash (the only wash God nose there will be!)

And their Little drop of Somethings as they takes for their Goods,

When you and your Steem has ruined (G— d forgive mee) their lively Hoods⁸,

Poor Wommen as was born to Washing in their youth!

And now must go and Larn other Buisnesses Four Sooth!

But if so be They leave their Lines what are they to go at —

They won’t do for Angells — nor any Trade like That,

Nor we cant Sow Babby Work — for that’s all Bespoke⁹ —

For the Quakers in Bridle¹⁰! and a vast of the confined Folk

Do their own of Themselves — even the better-most of em — aye, and evn them of middling degrees —

Why Lauk help you Babby Linen¹¹ aint Bread and Cheese!

Nor we can’t go a hammering the roads into Dust,

But we must all go and be Bankers — like Mr. Marshes¹² and Mr. Charnberses — and that’s what we must!

God nose you oght to have more Concern for our Sects¹³,

When you nose you have suck’d us and hanged round our Mutherly necks,

And remembers what you Owes to Wommen Besides washing —

You aint, blame you! like Men to go a slushing and sloshing

In mop caps, and pattins, adoing of Females Labers

And prettily¹⁴ jear’d At you great Horse God Meril things, aint you now by your next door naybors —

Lawk I thinks I see you with your Sleaves tuckt up

No more like Washing than is drownding of a Pupp,

And for all Your Fine Water Works going round and round

They’ll scruntch your Bones some day — I’ll be bound

And no more nor be a gudgement — for it cant come to good

To sit up agin Providince, which your a doing — nor not fit It should,

For man warnt maid for Wommens starvation,

Nor to do away Laundrisses as is Links of the Creation —

And cant be dun without in any Country But a naked Hottinpot Nation.

Ah, I wish our Minister would take one of your Tubbs

And preach a Sermon in it, and give you some good rubs —

But I warrants you reads (for you cant spel we nose) nyther Bybills or Good Tracks,

Or youd no better than Taking the close off one’s Backs —

And let your neighbors oxin an Asses¹⁵ alone —

And every Thing thats hern — and give every one their Hone!

Well, its God for us All, and every Washer Wommen for herself,

And so you might, without shoving any on us off the shelf,

But if you warnt Noddis youd Let wommen abe

And pull off Your Pattins — and leave the washing to we

That nose what’s what — Or mark what I say,

Youl make a fine Kittle of fish of Your Close some Day —

When the Aulder men wants Their Bibs and their aint nun¹⁶ at all,

And Cristmass cum — and never a Cloth to lay in Gild¹⁷ Hall,

Or send a damp shirt to his Woship the Mare¹⁸

Till hes rumatiz Poor Man, and cant set uprite to do good in his Harm-Chare —

Besides Miss-Matching Larned Ladys Hose, as is sent for you not to wash (for you don’t wash)

And make Peples Stockins yeller as oght to be Blew,

With a vast more like That — and all along of Steem

Which warnt meand by Nater for any sich skeam —

But thats your Losses and youl have to make It Good,

And I cant say I’m Sorry afore God if you shoud,

For men mought Get their Bread a great many ways

Without taking ourn — aye, and Moor¹⁹ to your Prays

You might go and skim the creme off Mr. Muck-Adam’s milky²⁰ ways — that’s what you might,

Or bete Carpets — or get into Parleamint — or drive Crabrolays from morning to night,

Or, if you must be of our sects, be Watchmen, and slepe upon a poste!

(Which is an od way of sleping, I must say — and a very hard pillow at most,)

Or you might be any trade, as we are not on that I’m awares,

Or be Watermen now, (not Water-wommen) and roe²¹ peple up and down Hungerford stares,

Or if You Was even to Turn Dust Men a dry sifting²² Dirt!

But you oughtint to Hurt Them as never Did You no Hurt!

Yourn with Anymocity,
BRIDGET JONES.

1 cant   

n.斜穿，黑话，猛扔

参考例句：

• The ship took on a dangerous cant to port.船只出现向左舷危险倾斜。
• He knows thieves'cant.他懂盗贼的黑话。

2 parodies   

n.拙劣的模仿( parody的名词复数 )；恶搞；滑稽的模仿诗文；表面上模仿得笨拙但充满了机智用来嘲弄别人作品的作品v.滑稽地模仿，拙劣地模仿( parody的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• Later, however, they delight in parodies of nursery rhymes. 可要不了多久，他们便乐于对它进行窜改。 来自英汉非文学 - 民俗
• Most parodies are little more than literary teases. 大多数讽刺的模仿诗文只能算上是文学上的揶揄。 来自辞典例句

3 huddling   

n. 杂乱一团, 混乱, 拥挤 v. 推挤, 乱堆, 草率了事

参考例句：

• Twenty or thirty monkeys are huddling along the thick branch. 三十只猴子挤在粗大的树枝上。
• The defenders are huddling down for cover. 捍卫者为了掩护缩成一团。

4 vault   

n.拱形圆顶，地窖，地下室

参考例句：

• The vault of this cathedral is very high.这座天主教堂的拱顶非常高。
• The old patrician was buried in the family vault.这位老贵族埋在家族的墓地里。

5 hap   

n.运气；v.偶然发生

参考例句：

• Some have the hap,some stick in the gap.有的人走运, 有的人倒霉。
• May your son be blessed by hap and happiness.愿你儿子走运幸福。

6 spout   

v.喷出，涌出；滔滔不绝地讲；n.喷管；水柱

参考例句：

• Implication in folk wealth creativity and undertaking vigor spout.蕴藏于民间的财富创造力和创业活力喷涌而出。
• This acts as a spout to drain off water during a rainstorm.在暴风雨季，这东西被用作喷管来排水。

7 puff   

n.一口(气)；一阵(风)；v.喷气，喘气

参考例句：

• He took a puff at his cigarette.他吸了一口香烟。
• They tried their best to puff the book they published.他们尽力吹捧他们出版的书。

8 hoods   

n.兜帽( hood的名词复数 )；头巾；（汽车、童车等的）折合式车篷；汽车发动机罩v.兜帽( hood的第三人称单数 )；头巾；（汽车、童车等的）折合式车篷；汽车发动机罩

参考例句：

• Michael looked at the four hoods sitting in the kitchen. 迈克尔瞅了瞅坐在厨房里的四条汉子。 来自教父部分
• Eskimos wear hoods to keep their heads warm. 爱斯基摩人戴兜帽使头暖和。 来自辞典例句

9 bespoke   

adj.（产品）订做的；专做订货的v.预定( bespeak的过去式 )；订（货）；证明；预先请求

参考例句：

• His style of dressing bespoke great self-confidence. 他的衣着风格显得十分自信。
• The haberdasher presented a cap, saying,"Here is the cap your worship bespoke." 帽匠拿出一顶帽子来说：“这就是老爷您定做的那顶。” 来自辞典例句

10 bridle   

n.笼头，束缚；vt.抑制，约束；动怒

参考例句：

• He learned to bridle his temper.他学会了控制脾气。
• I told my wife to put a bridle on her tongue.我告诉妻子说话要谨慎。

11 linen   

n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的

参考例句：

• The worker is starching the linen.这名工人正在给亚麻布上浆。
• Fine linen and cotton fabrics were known as well as wool.精细的亚麻织品和棉织品像羊毛一样闻名遐迩。

12 marshes   

n.沼泽，湿地( marsh的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Cows were grazing on the marshes. 牛群在湿地上吃草。
• We had to cross the marshes. 我们不得不穿过那片沼泽地。 来自《简明英汉词典》

13 sects   

n.宗派，教派( sect的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Members of these sects are ruthlessly persecuted and suppressed. 这些教派的成员遭到了残酷的迫害和镇压。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He had subdued the religious sects, cleaned up Saigon. 他压服了宗教派别，刷新了西贡的面貌。 来自辞典例句

14 prettily   

adv.优美地；可爱地

参考例句：

• It was prettily engraved with flowers on the back.此件雕刻精美，背面有花饰图案。
• She pouted prettily at him.她冲他撅着嘴，样子很可爱。

15 asses   

n. 驴，愚蠢的人，臀部 adv. (常用作后置)用于贬损或骂人

参考例句：

• Sometimes I got to kick asses to make this place run right. 有时我为了把这个地方搞得像个样子，也不得不踢踢别人的屁股。 来自教父部分
• Those were wild asses maybe, or zebras flying around in herds. 那些也许是野驴或斑马在成群地奔跑。

16 nun   

n.修女，尼姑

参考例句：

• I can't believe that the famous singer has become a nun.我无法相信那个著名的歌星已做了修女。
• She shaved her head and became a nun.她削发为尼。

17 gild   

vt.给…镀金，把…漆成金色，使呈金色

参考例句：

• The sun transform the gild cupola into dazzling point of light.太阳将这些镀金的圆屋顶变成了闪耀的光点。
• With Dimitar Berbatov and Wayne Rooney primed to flower anew,Owen can gild the lily.贝巴和鲁尼如今蓄势待发，欧文也可以为曼联锦上添花。

18 mare   

n.母马，母驴

参考例句：

• The mare has just thrown a foal in the stable.那匹母马刚刚在马厩里产下了一只小马驹。
• The mare foundered under the heavy load and collapsed in the road.那母马因负载过重而倒在路上。

19 moor   

n.荒野，沼泽；vt.(使)停泊；vi.停泊

参考例句：

• I decided to moor near some tourist boats.我决定在一些观光船附近停泊。
• There were hundreds of the old huts on the moor.沼地上有成百上千的古老的石屋。

20 milky   

adj.牛奶的，多奶的；乳白色的

参考例句：

• Alexander always has milky coffee at lunchtime.亚历山大总是在午餐时喝掺奶的咖啡。
• I like a hot milky drink at bedtime.我喜欢睡前喝杯热奶饮料。

21 roe   

n.鱼卵；獐鹿

参考例句：

• We will serve smoked cod's roe at the dinner.宴会上我们将上一道熏鳕鱼子。
• I'll scramble some eggs with roe?我用鱼籽炒几个鸡蛋好吗？

22 sifting   

n.筛，过滤v.筛( sift的现在分词 )；筛滤；细查；详审

参考例句：

• He lay on the beach, sifting the sand through his fingers. 他躺在沙滩上用手筛砂子玩。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I was sifting the cinders when she came in. 她进来时，我正在筛煤渣。 来自辞典例句