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Chapter 1 Nightmare
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When my mother was pregnant with me, she told me later, a party of hooded1 Ku Klux Klan ridersgalloped up to our home in Omaha, Nebraska, one night. Surrounding the house, brandishing3 theirshotguns and rifles, they shouted for my father to come out. My mother went to the front door andopened it. Standing4 where they could see her pregnant condition, she told them that she was alonewith her three small children, and that my father was away, preaching, in Milwaukee. The Klansmenshouted threats and warnings at her that we had better get out of town because "the good Christianwhite people"' were not going to stand for my father's "spreading trouble" among the "good" Negroesof Omaha with the "back to Africa" preachings of Marcus Garvey.

  My father, the Reverend Earl Little, was a Baptist minister, a dedicated6 organizer for Marcus AureliusGarvey's U.N.I.A. (Universal Negro Improvement Association). With the help of such disciples7 as myfather, Garvey, from his headquarters in New York City's Harlem, was raising the banner of black-racepurity and exhorting8 the Negro masses to return to their ancestral African homeland-a cause whichhad made Garvey the most controversial black man on earth.

  Still shouting threats, the Klansmen finally spurred their horses and galloped2 around the house,shattering every window pane9 with their gun butts10. Then they rode off into the night, their torchesflaring, as suddenly as they had come.

  My father was enraged11 when he returned. He decided12 to wait until I was born-which would be soon-and then the family would move. I am not sure why he made this decision, for he was not a frightened Negro, as most then were, and many still are today. My father was a big, six-foot-four, very blackman. He had only one eye. How he had lost the other one I have never known. He was from Reynolds,Georgia, where he had left school after the third or maybe fourth grade. He believed, as did MarcusGarvey, that freedom, independence and self-respect could never be achieved by the Negro inAmerica, and that therefore the Negro should leave America to the white man and return to hisAfrican land of origin. Among the reasons my father had decided to risk and dedicate his life to helpdisseminate this philosophy among his people was that he had seen four of his six brothers die byviolence, three of them killed by white men, including one by lynching. What my father could notknow then was that of the remaining three, including himself, only one, my Uncle Jim, would die inbed, of natural causes. Northern white police were later to shoot my Uncle Oscar. And my father wasfinally himself to die by the white man's hands.

  It has always been my belief that I, too, will die by violence. I have done all that I can to be prepared.

  I was my father's seventh child. He had three children by a previous marriage-Ella, Earl, and Mary,who lived in Boston. He had met and married my mother in Philadelphia, where their first child, myoldest full brother; Wilfred, was born. They moved from Philadelphia to Omaha, where Hilda andthen Philbert were born.

  I was next in line. My mother was twenty-eight when I was born on May 19, 1925, in an Omahahospital. Then we moved to Milwaukee, where Reginald was born. From infancy13, he had some kind ofhernia condition which was to handicap him physically14 for the rest of his life.

  Louise Little, my mother, who was born in Grenada, in the British West Indies, looked like a whitewoman. Her father was white. She had straight black hair, and her accent did not sound like aNegro's. Of this white father of hers, I know nothing except her shame about it. I remember hearingher say she was glad that she had never seen him. It was, of course, because of him that I got myreddish-brown "mariny" color of skin, and my hair of the same color. I was the lightest child in ourfamily. (Out in the world later on, in Boston and New York, I was among the millions of Negroes whowere insane enough to feel that it was some kind of status symbol to be light complexioned-that onewas actually fortunate to be born thus. But, still later, I learned to hate every drop of that white rapist'sblood that is in me.)Our family stayed only briefly15 in Milwaukee, for my father wanted to find a place where he couldraise our own food and perhaps build a business. The teaching of Marcus Garvey stressed becomingindependent of the white man. We went next, for some reason, to Lansing, Michigan. My fatherbought a house and soon, as had been his pattern, he was doing free-lance Christian5 preaching in localNegro Baptist churches, and during the week he was roaming about spreading word of MarcusGarvey.

  He had begun to lay away savings16 for the store he had always wanted to own when, as always, somestupid local Uncle Tom Negroes began to funnel17 stories about his revolutionary beliefs to the localwhite people. This time, the get-out-of-town threats came from a local hate society called The Black Legion. They wore black robes instead of white. Soon, nearly everywhere my father went, BlackLegionnaires were reviling18 him as an "uppity nigger" for wanting to own a store, for living outside theLansing Negro district, for spreading unrest and dissent19 ion among "the good niggers."As in Omaha, my mother was pregnant again, this time with my youngest sister. Shortly after Yvonnewas born came the nightmare night in 1929, my earliest vivid memory. I remember being suddenlysnatched awake into a frightening confusion of pistol shots and shouting and smoke and flames. Myfather had shouted and shot at the two white men who had set the fire and were running away. Ourhome was burning down around us. We were lunging and bumping and tumbling all over each othertrying to escape. My mother, with the baby in her arms, just made it into the yard before the housecrashed in, showering sparks. I remember we were outside in me night in our underwear, crying andyelling our heads off. The white police and firemen came and stood around watching as the houseburned down to the ground.

  My father prevailed on some friends to clothe and house us temporarily; then he moved us intoanother house on the outskirts20 of East Lansing. In those days Negroes weren't allowed after dark inEast Lansing proper. There's where Michigan State University is located; I related all of this to anaudience of students when I spoke21 there in January, 1963 (and had the first reunion in a long whilewith my younger brother, Robert, who was there doing postgraduate22 studies in psychology). I toldthem how East Lansing harassed23 us so much that we had to move again, this time two miles out oftown, into the country. This was where my father built for us with his own hands a four-room house.

  This is where I really begin to remember things-this home where I started to grow up.

  After the fire, I remember that my father was called in and questioned about a permit for the pistolwith which he had shot at the white men who set the fire. I remember that the police were alwaysdropping by our house, shoving things around, "just checking" or "looking for a gun." The pistol theywere looking for-which they never found, and for which they wouldn't issue a permit-was sewed upinside a pillow. My father's .22 rifle and his shotgun, though, were right out in the open; everyone hadthem for hunting birds and rabbits and other game.

   After that, my memories are of the friction24 between my father and mother. They seemed to be nearlyalways at odds25. Sometimes my father would beat her. It might have had something to do with the factthat my mother had a pretty good education. Where she got it I don't know. But an educated woman, Isuppose, can't resist the temptation to correct an uneducated man. Every now and then, when she putthose smooth words on him, he would grab her.

  My father was also belligerent26 toward all of the children, except me. The older ones he would beatalmost savagely27 if they broke any of his rules-and he had so many rules it was hard to know them all.

  Nearly all my whippings came from my mother. I've thought a lot about why. I actually believe that asanti-white as my father was, he was subconsciously28 so afflicted29 with the white man's brainwashing of Negroes that he inclined to favor the light ones, and I was his lightest child. Most Negro parents inthose days would almost instinctively30 treat any lighter31 children better than they did the darker ones. Itcame directly from the slavery tradition that the "mulatto," because he was visibly nearer to white, wastherefore "better."My two other images of my father are both outside the home. One was his role as a Baptist preacher.

  He never pastored in any regular church of his own; he was always a "visiting preacher." I rememberespecially his favorite sermon: "That little _black_ train is a-comin' . . . an' you better get all yourbusiness right!" I guess this also fit his association with the back-to-Africa movement, with MarcusGarvey's "Black Train Homeward." My brother Philbert, the one just older than me, loved church, butit confused and amazed me. I would sit goggle-eyed at my father jumping and shouting as hepreached, with the congregation jumping and shouting behind him, their souls and bodies devoted32 tosinging and praying. Even at that young age, I just couldn't believe in the Christian concept of Jesus assomeone divine. And no religious person, until I was a man in my twenties-and then in prison-couldtell me anything. I had very little respect for most people who represented religion.

  It was in his role as a preacher that my father had most contact with the Negroes of Lansing. Believeme when I tell you that those Negroes were in bad shape then. They are still in bad shape-though in adifferent way. By that I mean that I don't know a town with a higher percentage of complacent33 andmisguided so-called "middle-class" Negroes-the typical status-symbol-oriented, integration-seekingtype of Negroes. Just recently, I was standing in a lobby at the United Nations talking with an Africanambassador and his wife, when a Negro came up to me and said, "You know me?" I was a littleembarrassed because I thought he was someone I should remember. It turned out that he was one ofthose bragging34, self-satisfied, "middle-class" Lansing Negroes. I wasn't ingratiated. He was the typewho would never have been associated with Africa, until the fad35 of having African friends became astatus-symbol for "middle-class" Negroes.

  Back when I was growing up, the "successful" Lansing Negroes were such as waiters and bootblacks.

  To be a janitor36 at some downtown store was to be highly respected. The real "elite," the "big shots," the"voices of the race," were the waiters at the Lansing Country Club and the shoeshine boys at the statecapitol. The only Negroes who really had any money were the ones in the numbers racket, or who ranthe gambling37 houses, or who in some other way lived parasitically38 off the poorest ones, who were themasses. No Negroes were hired then by Lansing's big Oldsmobile plant, or the Reo plant. (Do youremember the Reo? It was manufactured in Lansing, and R. E. Olds, the man after whom it wasnamed, also lived in Lansing. When the war came along, they hired some Negro janitors39.) The bulk ofthe Negroes were either on Welfare, or W.P.A., or they starved.

  The day was to come when our family was so poor that we would eat the hole out of a doughnut; butat that time we were much better off than most town Negroes. The reason was that we raised much ofour own food out there in the country where we were. We were much better off than the townNegroes who would shout, as my father preached, for the pie-in-the-sky and their heaven in thehereafter while the white man had his here on earth.

   I knew that the collections my father got for his preaching were mainly what fed and clothed us, andhe also did other odd jobs, but still the image of him that made me proudest was his crusading andmilitant campaigning with the words of Marcus Garvey. As young as I was then, I knew from what Ioverheard that my father was saying something that made him a "tough" man. I remember an oldlady, grinning and saying to my father, "You're scaring these white folks to death!"One of the reasons I've always felt that my father favored me was that to the best of my remembrance,it was only me that he sometimes took with him to the Garvey U.N.I.A. meetings which he heldquietly in different people's homes. There were never more than a few people at any one time-twentyat most. But that was a lot, packed into someone's living room. I noticed how differently they all acted,although sometimes they were the same people who jumped and shouted in church. But in thesemeetings both they and my father were more intense, more intelligent and down to earth. It made mefeel the same way.

  I can remember hearing of "Adam driven out of the garden into the caves of Europe," "Africa for theAfricans," "Ethiopians, Awake!" And my father would talk about how it would not be much longerbefore Africa would be completely run by Negroes-"by black men," was the phrase he always used.

  "No one knows when the hour of Africa's redemption cometh. It is in the wind. It is coming. One day,like a storm, it will be here."I remember seeing the big, shiny photographs of Marcus Garvey that were passed from hand to hand.

  My father had a big envelope of them that he always took to these meetings. The pictures showedwhat seemed to me millions of Negroes thronged40 in parade behind Garvey riding in a fine car, a bigblack man dressed in a dazzling uniform with gold braid on it, and he was wearing a thrilling hat withtall plumes41. I remember hearing that he had black followers42 not only hi the United States but allaround the world, and I remember how the meetings always closed with my father saying, severaltimes, and the people chanting after him, "Up, you mighty43 race, you can accomplish what you will!"I have never understood why, after hearing as much as I did of these kinds of things, I somehow neverthought, then, of the black people in Africa. My image of Africa, at that time, was of naked savages,cannibals, monkeys and tigers and steaming jungles.

  My father would drive in his old black touring car, sometimes taking me, to meeting places all aroundthe Lansing area. I remember one daytime meeting (most were at night) in the town of Owosso, fortymiles from Lansing, which the Negroes called "White City." (Owosso's greatest claim to fame is that itis the home town of Thomas E. Dewey.) As in East Lansing, no Negroes were allowed on the streetsthere after dark-hence the daytime meeting. In point of fact, in those days lots of Michigan towns werelike that. Every town had a few "home" Negroes who lived there. Sometimes it would be just onefamily, as in the nearby county seat, Mason, which had a single Negro family named Lyons. Mr.

  Lyons had been a famous football star at Mason High School, was highly thought of in Mason, andconsequently he now worked around that town in menial jobs.

   My mother at this tune44 seemed to be always working-cooking, washing, ironing, cleaning, and fussingover us eight children. And she was usually either arguing with or not speaking to my father. Onecause of friction was that she had strong ideas about what she wouldn't eat-and didn't want _us_ toeat-including pork and rabbit, both of which my father loved dearly.

  He was a real Georgia Negro, and he believed in eating plenty of what we in Harlem today call "soulfood."I've said that my mother was the one who whipped me-at least she did whenever she wasn't ashamedto let the neighbors think she was killing45 me. For if she even acted as though she was about to raiseher hand to me, I would open my mouth and let the world know about it. If anybody was passing byout on the road, she would either change her mind or just give me a few licks.

  Thinking about it now, I feel definitely that just as my father favored me for being lighter than theother children, my mother gave me more hell for the same reason. She was very light herself but shefavored the ones who were darker. Wilfred, I know, was particularly her angel. I remember that shewould tell me to get out of the house and "Let the sun shine on you so you can get some color." Shewent out of her way never to let me become afflicted with a sense of color-superiority. I am sure thatshe treated me this way partly because of how she came to be light herself.

  I learned early that crying out in protest could accomplish things. My older brothers and sister hadstarted to school when, sometimes, they would come in and ask for a buttered biscuit or somethingand my mother, impatiently, would tell them no. But I would cry out and make a fuss until I got whatI wanted. I remember well how my mother asked me why I couldn't be a nice boy like Wilfred; but Iwould think to myself that Wilfred, for being so nice and quiet, often stayed hungry. So early in life, Ihad learned that if you want something, you had better make some noise.

  Not only did we have our big garden, but we raised chickens. My father would buy some baby chicksand my mother would raise them. We all loved chicken. That was one dish there was no argumentwith my father about. One thing in particular that I remember made me feel grateful toward mymother was that one day I went and asked her for my own garden, and she did let me have my ownlittle plot. I loved it and took care of it well. I loved especially to grow peas. I was proud when we hadthem on our table. I would pull out the grass in my garden by hand when the first little blades cameup. I would patrol the rows on my hands and knees for any worms and bugs46, and I would kill andbury them. And sometimes when I had everything straight and clean for my things to grow, I wouldlie down on my back between two rows, and I would gaze up in the blue sky at the clouds movingand think all kinds of things.

  At five, I, too, began to go to school, leaving home in the morning along with Wilfred, Hilda, andPhilbert. It was the Pleasant Grove47 School that went from kindergarten through the eighth grade. Itwas two miles outside the city limits, and I guess there was no problem about our attending becausewe were the only Negroes in the area. In those days white people in the North usually would "adopt" just a few Negroes; they didn't see them as any threat. The white kids didn't make any great thingabout us, either. They called us "nigger" and "darkie" and "Rastus" so much that we thought thosewere our natural names. But they didn't think of it as an insult; it was just the way they thought aboutus.

   One afternoon in 1931 when Wilfred, Hilda, Philbert, and I came home, my mother and father werehaving one of their arguments. There had lately been a lot of tension around the house because ofBlack Legion threats. Anyway, my father had taken one of the rabbits which we were raising, andordered my mother to cook it. We raised rabbits, but sold them to whites. My father had taken a rabbitfrom the rabbit pen. He had pulled off the rabbit's head. He was so strong, he needed no knife tobehead chickens or rabbits. With one twist of his big black hands he simply twisted off the head andthrew the bleeding-necked thing back at my mother's feet.

  My mother was crying. She started to skin the rabbit, preparatory to cooking it. But my father was soangry he slammed on out of the front door and started walking up the road toward town.

  It was then that my mother had this vision. She had always been a strange woman in this sense, andhad always had a strong intuition of things about to happen. And most of her children are the sameway, I think. When something is about to happen, I can feel something, sense something. I never haveknown something to happen that has caught me completely off guard-except once. And that waswhen, years later, I discovered facts I couldn't believe about a man who, up until that discovery, Iwould gladly have given my life for.

  My father was well up the road when my mother ran screaming out onto the porch. _"Early! Early!"_She screamed his name. She clutched up her apron48 in one hand, and ran down across the yard andinto the road. My father turned around. He saw her. For some reason, considering how angry he hadbeen when he left, he waved at her. But he kept on going.

  She told me later, my mother did, that she had a vision of my father's end. All the rest of the afternoon,she was not herself, crying and nervous and upset. She finished cooking the rabbit and put the wholething in the warmer part of the black stove. When my father was not back home by our bedtime, mymother hugged and clutched us, and we felt strange, not knowing what to do, because she had neveracted like that.

  I remember waking up to the sound of my mother's screaming again. When I scrambled49 out, I saw thepolice in the Irving room; they were trying to calm her down. She had snatched on her clothes to gowith them. And all of us children who were staring knew without anyone having to say it thatsomething terrible had happened to our father.

  My mother was taken by the police to the hospital, and to a room where a sheet was over my father in a bed, and she wouldn't look, she was afraid to look. Probably it was wise that she didn't. My father'sskull, on one side, was crushed in, I was told later. Negroes in Lansing have always whispered that hewas attacked, and then laid across some tracks for a streetcar to run over him. His body was cutalmost in half.

  He lived two and a half hours in that condition. Negroes then were stronger than they are now,especially Georgia Negroes. Negroes born in Georgia had to be strong simply to survive.

  It was morning when we children at home got the word that he was dead. I was six. I can remember avague commotion50, the house filled up with people crying, saying bitterly that the white Black Legionhad finally gotten him. My mother was hysterical51. In the bedroom, women were holding smellingsalts under her nose. She was still hysterical at the funeral.

  I don't have a very clear memory of the funeral, either. Oddly, the main thing I remember is that itwasn't in a church, and that surprised me, since my father was a preacher, and I had been where hepreached people's funerals in churches. But his was in a funeral home.

  And I remember that during the service a big black fly came down and landed on my father's face,and Wilfred sprang up from his chair and he shooed the fly away, and he came groping back to hischair-there were folding chairs for us to sit on-and the tears were streaming down his face. When wewent by the casket, I remember that I thought that it looked as if my father's strong black face hadbeen dusted with flour, and I wished they hadn't put on such a lot of it.

  Back in the big four-room house, there were many visitors for another week or so. They were goodfriends of the family, such as the Lyons from Mason, twelve miles away, and the Walkers, McGuires,Liscoes, the Greens, Randolphs, and the Turners, and others from Lansing, and a lot of people fromother towns, whom I had seen at the Garvey meetings.

  We children adjusted more easily than our mother did. We couldn't see, as clearly as she did, the trialsthat lay ahead. As the visitors tapered52 off, she became very concerned about collecting the twoinsurance policies that my father had always been proud he carried. He had always said that familiesshould be protected in case of death. One policy apparently53 paid off without any problem-the smallerone. I don't know the amount of it. I would imagine it was not more than a thousand dollars, andmaybe half of that.

  But after that money came, and my mother had paid out a lot of it for the funeral and expenses, shebegan going into town and returning very upset. The company that had issued the bigger policy wasbalking at paying off. They were claiming that my father had committed suicide. Visitors came again,and there was bitter talk about white people: how could my father bash himself in the head, then getdown across the streetcar tracks to be run over?

  So there we were. My mother was thirty-four years old now, with no husband, no provider orprotector to take care of her eight children. But some kind of a family routine got going again. And for as long as the first insurance money lasted, we did all right.

  Wilfred, who was a pretty stable fellow, began to act older than his age. I think he had the sense to see,when the rest of us didn't, what was in the wind for us. He quietly quit school and went to town insearch of work. He took any kind of job he could find and he would come home, dog-tired, in theevenings, and give whatever he had made to my mother.

  Hilda, who always had been quiet, too, attended to the babies. Philbert and I didn't contributeanything. We just fought all the time-each other at home, and then at school we would team up andfight white kids. Sometimes the fights would be racial in nature, but they might be about anything.

  Reginald came under my wing. Since he had grown out of the toddling54 stage, he and I had becomevery close. I suppose I enjoyed the fact that he was the little one, under me, who looked up to me.

  My mother began to buy on credit. My father had always been very strongly against credit. "Credit isthe first step into debt and back into slavery," he had always said. And then she went to work herself.

  She would go into Lansing and find different jobs-in housework, or sewing-for white people. Theydidn't realize, usually, that she was a Negro. A lot of white people around there didn't want Negroesin their houses.

  She would do fine until in some way or other it got to people who she was, whose widow she was.

  And then she would be let go. I remember how she used to come home crying, but trying to hide it,because she had lost a job that she needed so much.

  Once when one of us-I cannot remember which-had to go for something to where she was working,and the people saw us, and realized she was actually a Negro, she was fired on the spot, and she camehome crying, this time not hiding it.

  When the state Welfare people began coming to our house, we would come from school sometimesand find them talking with our mother, asking a thousand questions. They acted and looked at her,and at us, and around in our house, in a way that had about it the feeling-at least for me-that we werenot people. In their eyesight we were just _things_, that was all.

  My mother began to receive two checks-a Welfare check and, I believe, widow's pension. The checkshelped. But they weren't enough, as many of us as there were. When they came, about the first of themonth, one always was already owed in full, if not more, to the man at the grocery store. And, afterthat, the other one didn't last long.

  We began to go swiftly downhill. The physical downhill wasn't as quick as the psychological. Mymother was, above everything else, a proud woman, and it took its toll55 on her that she was acceptingcharity. And her feelings were communicated to us.

   She would speak sharply to the man at the grocery store for padding the bill, telling him that shewasn't ignorant, and he didn't like that. She would talk back sharply to the state Welfare people,telling them that she was a grown woman, able to raise her children, that it wasn't necessary for themto keep coming around so much, meddling56 in our lives. And they didn't like that.

  But the monthly Welfare check was their pass. They acted as if they owned us, as if we were theirprivate property. As much as my mother would have liked to, she couldn't keep them out. She wouldget particularly incensed57 when they began insisting upon drawing us older children aside, one at atime, out on the porch or somewhere, and asking us questions, or telling us things-against our motherand against each other.

  We couldn't understand why, if the state was willing to give us packages of meat, sacks of potatoesand fruit, and cans of all kinds of things, our mother obviously hated to accept. We really couldn'tunderstand. What I later understood was that my mother was making a desperate effort to preserveher pride-and ours.

  Pride was just about all we had to preserve, for by 1934, we really began to suffer. This was about theworst depression year, and no one we knew had enough to eat or live on. Some old family friendsvisited us now and then. At first they brought food. Though it was charity, my mother took it.

  Wilfred was working to help. My mother was working, when she could find any kind of job. InLansing, there was a bakery where, for a nickel, a couple of us children would buy a tall flour sack ofday-old bread and cookies, and then walk the two miles back out into the country to our house. Ourmother knew, I guess, dozens of ways to cook things with bread and out of bread. Stewed58 tomatoeswith bread, maybe that would be a meal. Something like French toast, if we had any eggs. Breadpudding, sometimes with raisins59 in it. If we got hold of some hamburger, it came to the table morebread than meat. The cookies that were always in the sack with the bread, we just gobbled downstraight.

  But there were times when there wasn't even a nickel and we would be so hungry we were dizzy. Mymother would boil a big pot of dandelion greens, and we would eat that. I remember that some small-minded neighbor put it out, and children would tease us, that we ate "fried grass." Sometimes, if wewere lucky, we would have oatmeal or cornmeal mush three times a day. Or mush in the morning andcornbread at night.

  Philbert and I were grown up enough to quit fighting long enough to take the .22 caliber60 rifle that hadbeen our father's, and shoot rabbits that some white neighbors up or down the road would buy. Iknow now that they just did it to help us, because they, like everyone, shot their own rabbits.

  Sometimes, I remember, Philbert and I would take little Reginald along with us. He wasn't verystrong, but he was always so proud to be along. We would trap muskrats61 out in the little creek62 in backof our house. And we would lie quiet until unsuspecting bullfrogs appeared, and we would spearthem, cut off their legs, and sell them for a nickel a pair to people who lived up and down the road.

  The whites seemed less restricted in their dietary tastes.

   Then, about in late 1934, I would guess, something began to happen. Some kind of psychologicaldeterioration hit our family circle and began to eat away our pride. Perhaps it was the constanttangible evidence that we were destitute63. We had known other families who had gone on relief. Wehad known without anyone in our home ever expressing it that we had felt prouder not to be at thedepot where the free food was passed out. And, now, we were among them. At school, the "on relief"finger suddenly was pointed64 at us, too, and sometimes it was said aloud.

  It seemed that everything to eat in our house was stamped Not To Be Sold. All Welfare food bore thisstamp to keep the recipients65 from selling it. It's a wonder we didn't come to think of Not To Be Sold asa brand name.

  Sometimes, instead of going home from school, I walked the two miles up the road into Lansing. Ibegan drifting from store to store, hanging around outside where things like apples were displayed inboxes and barrels and baskets, and I would watch my chance and steal me a treat. You know what atreat was to me? Anything!

  Or I began to drop in about dinnertime at the home of some family that we knew. I knew that theyknew exactly why I was there, but they never embarrassed me by letting on. They would invite me tostay for supper, and I would stuff myself.

  Especially, I liked to drop in and visit at the Gohannases' home. They were nice, older people, andgreat churchgoers. I had watched them lead the jumping and shouting when my father preached.

  They had, living with them-they were raising him-a nephew whom everyone called "Big Boy," and heand I got along fine. Also living with the Gohannases was old Mrs. Adcock, who went with them tochurch. She was always trying to help anybody she could, visiting anyone she heard was sick,carrying them something. She was the one who, years later, would tell me something that Iremembered a long time: "Malcolm, there's one thing I like about you. You're no good, but you don'ttry to hide it. You are not a hypocrite."The more I began to stay away from home and visit people and steal from the stores, the moreaggressive I became in my inclinations66. I never wanted to wait for anything.

  I was growing up fast, physically more so than mentally. As I began to be recognized more around thetown, I started to become aware of the peculiar67 attitude of white people toward me. I sensed that ithad to do with my father. It was an adult version of what several white children had said at school, inhints, or sometimes in the open, which really expressed what their parents had said-that the BlackLegion or the Klan had killed my father, and the insurance company had pulled a fast one in refusingto pay my mother the policy money.

  When I began to get caught stealing now and then, the state Welfare people began to focus on mewhen they came to our house. I can't remember how I first became aware that they were talking oftaking me away. What I first remember along that line was my mother raising a storm about being able to bring up her own children. She would whip me for stealing, and I would try to alarm theneighborhood with my yelling. One thing I have always been proud of is that I never raised my handagainst my mother.

  In the summertime, at night, in addition to all the other things we did, some of us boys would slip outdown the road, or across the pastures, and go "cooning" watermelons. White people always associatedwatermelons with Negroes, and they sometimes called Negroes "coons" among all the other names,and so stealing watermelons became "cooning" them. If white boys were doing it, it implied that theywere only acting68 like Negroes. Whites have always hidden or justified69 all of the guilts they could byridiculing or blaming Negroes.

  One Halloween night, I remember that a bunch of us were out tipping over those old countryouthouses, and one old farmer-I guess he had tipped over enough in his day-had set a trap for us.

  Always, you sneak70 up from behind the outhouse, then you gang together and push it, to tip it over.

  This farmer had taken his outhouse off the hole, and set it just in _front_ of the hole. Well, we camesneaking up in single file, in the darkness, and the two white boys in the lead fell down into theouthouse hole neck deep. They smelled so bad it was all we could stand to get them out, and thatfinished us all for that Halloween. I had just missed falling in myself. The whites were so used totaking the lead, this time it had really gotten them in the hole.

  Thus, in various ways, I learned various things. I picked strawberries, and though I can't recall what Igot per crate71 for picking, I remember that after working hard all one day, I wound up with about adollar, which was a whole lot of money in those times. I was so hungry, I didn't know what to do. Iwas walking away toward town with visions of buying something good to eat, and this older whiteboy I knew, Richard Dixon, came up and asked me if I wanted to match nickels. He had plenty ofchange for my dollar. In about a half hour, he had all the change back, including my dollar, andinstead of going to town to buy something, I went home with nothing, and I was bitter. But that wasnothing compared to what I felt when I found out later that he had cheated. There is a way that youcan catch and hold the nickel and make it come up the way you want. This was my first lesson aboutgambling: if you see somebody winning all the time, he isn't gambling, he's cheating. Later on in life, ifI were continuously losing in any gambling situation, I would watch very closely. It's like the Negro inAmerica seeing the white man win all the time. He's a professional gambler; he has all the cards andthe odds stacked on his side, and he has always dealt to our people from the bottom of the deck.

  About this time, my mother began to be visited by some Seventh Day Adventists who had moved intoa house not too far down the road from us. They would talk to her for hours at a time, and leavebooklets and leaflets and magazines for her to read. She read them, and Wilfred, who had started backto school after we had begun to get the relief food supplies, also read a lot. His head was forever insome book.

  Before long, my mother spent much time with the Adventists. It's my belief that what mostlyinfluenced her was that they had even more diet restrictions72 than she always had taught and practicedwith us. Like us, they were against eating rabbit and pork; they followed the Mosaic73 dietary laws.

   They ate nothing of the flesh without a split hoof74, or that didn't chew a cud. We began to go with mymother to the Adventist meetings that were held further out in the country. For us children, I knowthat the major attraction was the good food they served. But we listened, too. There were a handful ofNegroes, from small towns in the area, but I would say that it was ninety-nine percent white people.

  The Adventists felt that we were living at the end of time, that the world soon was coming to an end.

  But they were the friendliest white people I had ever seen. In some ways, though, we children noticed,and, when we were back at home, discussed, that they were different from us-such as the lack ofenough seasoning75 in their food, and the different way that white people smelled.

   Meanwhile, the state Welfare people kept after my mother. By now, she didn't make it any secret thatshe hated them, and didn't want them in her house. But they exerted their right to come, and I havemany, many times reflected upon how, talking to us children, they began to plant the seeds of divisionin our minds. They would ask such things as who was smarter than the other. And they would ask mewhy I was "so different."I think they felt that getting children into foster homes was a legitimate76 pan of their function, and theresult would be less troublesome, however they went about it.

  And when my mother fought them, they went after her-first, through me. I was the first target. I stole;that implied that I wasn't being taken care of by my mother.

  All of us were mischievous77 at some time or another, I more so than any of the rest. Philbert and I kepta battle going. And this was just one of a dozen things that kept building up the pressure on mymother.

  I'm not sure just how or when the idea was first dropped by the Welfare workers that our mother waslosing her mind.

  But I can distinctly remember hearing "crazy" applied78 to her by them when they learned that theNegro fanner who was in the next house down the road from us had offered to give us somebutchered pork-a whole pig, maybe even two of them-and she had refused. We all heard them call mymother "crazy" to her face for refusing good meat. It meant nothing to them even when she explainedthat we had never eaten pork, that it was against her religion as a Seventh Day Adventist.

  They were as vicious as vultures. They had no feelings, understanding, compassion79, or respect for mymother. They told us, "She's crazy for refusing food." Right then was when our home, our unity80, beganto disintegrate81. We were having a hard time, and I wasn't helping82. But we could have made it, wecould have stayed together. As bad as I was, as much trouble and worry as I caused my mother, Iloved her.

   The state people, we found out, had interviewed the Gohannas family, and the Gohannases had saidthat they would take me into their home. My mother threw a fit, though, when she heard that-and thehome wreckers took cover for a while.

  It was about this time that the large, dark man from Lansing began visiting. I don't remember how orwhere he and my mother met. It may have been through some mutual83 friends. I don't remember whatthe man's profession was. In 1935, in Lansing, Negroes didn't have anything you could call aprofession. But the man, big and black, looked something like my father. I can remember his name,but there's no need to mention it. He was a single man, and my mother was a widow only thirty-sixyears old. The man was independent; naturally she admired that. She was having a hard timedisciplining us, and a big man's presence alone would help. And if she had a man to provide, it wouldsend the state people away forever.

  We all understood without ever saying much about it. Or at least we had no objection. We took it instride, even with some amusement among us, that when the man came, our mother would be alldressed up in the best that she had-she still was a good-looking woman-and she would act differently,light-hearted and laughing, as we hadn't seen her act in years.

  It went on for about a year, I guess. And then, about 1936, or 1937, the man from Lansing jilted mymother suddenly. He just stopped coming to see her. From what I later understood, he finally backedaway from taking on the responsibility of those eight mouths to feed. He was afraid of so many of us.

  To this day, I can see the trap that Mother was in, saddled with all of us. And I can also understandwhy he would shun84 taking on such a tremendous responsibility.

  But it was a terrible shock to her. It was the beginning of the end of reality for my mother. When shebegan to sit around and walk around talking to herself-almost as though she was unaware85 that wewere there-it became increasingly terrifying.

  The state people saw her weakening. That was when they began the definite steps to take me awayfrom home. They began to tell me how nice it was going to be at the Gohannases' home, where theGohannases and Big Boy and Mrs. Adcock had all said how much they liked me, and would like tohave me live with them.

  I liked all of them, too. But I didn't want to leave Wilfred. I looked up to and admired my big brother. Ididn't want to leave Hilda, who was like my second mother. Or Philbert; even in our fighting, therewas a feeling of brotherly union. Or Reginald, especially, who was weak with his hernia condition,and who looked up to me as his big brother who looked out for him, as I looked up to Wilfred. And Ihad nothing, either, against the babies, Yvonne, Wesley, and Robert.

  As my mother talked to herself more and more, she gradually became less responsive to us. And lessresponsible. The house became less tidy. We began to be more unkempt. And usually, now, Hildacooked.

   We children watched our anchor giving way. It was something terrible that you couldn't get yourhands on, yet you couldn't get away from. It was a sensing that something bad was going to happen.

  We younger ones leaned more and more heavily on the relative strength of Wilfred and Hilda, whowere the oldest.

  When finally I was sent to the Gohannases' home, at least in a surface way I was glad. I remember thatwhen I left home with the state man, my mother said one thing: "Don't let them feed him any pig."It was better, in a lot of ways, at the Gohannases'. Big Boy and I shared his room together, and we hit itoff nicely. He just wasn't the same as my blood brothers. The Gohannases were very religious people.

  Big Boy and I attended church with them. They were sanctified Holy Rollers now. The preachers andcongregations jumped even higher and shouted even louder than the Baptists I had known. They sangat the top of their lungs, and swayed back and forth86 and cried and moaned and beat on tambourinesand chanted. It was spooky, with ghosts and spirituals and "ha'nts" seeming to be in the veryatmosphere when finally we all came out of the church, going back home.

  The Gohannases and Mrs. Adcock loved to go fishing, and some Saturdays Big Boy and I would goalong. I had changed schools now, to Lansing's West Junior High School. It was right in the heart ofthe Negro community, and a few white kids were there, but Big Boy didn't mix much with any of ourschoolmates, and I didn't either. And when we went fishing, neither he nor I liked the idea of justsitting and waiting for the fish to jerk the cork87 under the water-or make the tight line quiver, when wefished that way. I figured there should be some smarter way to get the fish-though we neverdiscovered what it might be.

  Mr. Gohannas was close cronies with some other men who, some Saturdays, would take me and BigBoy with them hunting rabbits. I had my father's .22 caliber rifle; my mother had said it was all rightfor me to take it with me. The old men had a set rabbit-hunting strategy that they had always used.

  Usually when a dog jumps a rabbit, and the rabbit gets away, that rabbit will always somehowinstinctively run in a circle and return sooner or later past the very spot where he originally wasjumped. Well, the old men would just sit and wait in hiding somewhere for the rabbit to come back,then get their shots at him. I got to thinking about it, and finally I thought of a plan. I would separatefrom them and Big Boy and I would go to a point where I figured that the rabbit, returning, wouldhave to pass me first.

  It worked like magic. I began to get three and four rabbits before they got one. The astonishing thingwas that none of the old men ever figured out why. They outdid themselves exclaiming what a sureshot I was. I was about twelve, then. All I had done was to improve on their strategy, and it was thebeginning of a very important lesson in life-that anytime you find someone more successful than youare, especially when you're both engaged in the same business-you know they're doing something thatyou aren't.

  I would return home to visit fairly often. Sometimes Big Boy and one or another, or both, of theGohannases would go with me-sometimes not. I would be glad when some of them did go, because it made the ordeal88 easier.

  Soon the state people were making plans to take over all of my mother's children. She talked to herselfnearly all of the time now, and there was a crowd of new white people entering the picture-alwaysasking questions. They would even visit me at the Gohannases'. They would ask me questions out onthe porch, or sitting out in their cars.

  Eventually my mother suffered a complete breakdown89, and the court orders were finally signed. Theytook her to the State Mental Hospital at Kalamazoo.

  It was seventy-some miles from Lansing, about an hour and a half on the bus. A Judge McClellan inLansing had authority over me and all of my brothers and sisters. We were "state children," courtwards; he had the full say-so over us. A white man in charge of a black man's children! Nothing butlegal, modern slavery-however kindly90 intentioned.

   My mother remained in the same hospital at Kalamazoo for about twenty-six years. Later, when I wasstill growing up in Michigan, I would go to visit her every so often. Nothing that I can imagine couldhave moved me as deeply as seeing her pitiful state. In 1963, we got my mother out of the hospital,and she now lives there in Lansing with Philbert and his family.

  It was so much worse than if it had been a physical sickness, for which a cause might be known,medicine given, a cure effected. Every time I visited her, when finally they led her-a case, a number-back inside from where we had been sitting together, I felt worse.

  My last visit, when I knew I would never come to see her again-there-was in 1952. I was twenty-seven.

  My brother Philbert had told me that on his last visit, she had recognized him somewhat. "In spots," hesaid.

  But she didn't recognize me at all.

  She stared at me. She didn't know who I was.

  Her mind, when I tried to talk, to reach her, was somewhere else. I asked, "Mama, do you know whatday it is?"She said, staring, "All the people have gone."I can't describe how I felt. The woman who had brought me into the world, and nursed me, andadvised me, and chastised91 me, and loved me, didn't know me. It was as if I was trying to walk up theside of a hill of feathers. I looked at her. I listened to her "talk." But there was nothing I could do.

   I truly believe that if ever a state social agency destroyed a family, it destroyed ours. We wanted andtried to stay together. Our home didn't have to be destroyed. But the Welfare, the courts, and theirdoctor, gave us the one-two-three punch. And ours was not the only case of this kind.

  I knew I wouldn't be back to see my mother again because it could make me a very vicious anddangerous person-knowing how they had looked at us as numbers and as a case in their book, not ashuman beings. And knowing that my mother in there was a statistic92 that didn't have to be, that existedbecause of a society's failure, hypocrisy93, greed, and lack of mercy and compassion. Hence I have nomercy or compassion in me for a society that will crush people, and then penalize94 them for not beingable to stand up under the weight.

  I have rarely talked to anyone about my mother, for I believe that I am capable of killing a person,without hesitation95, who happened to make the wrong kind of remark about my mother. So Ipurposely don't make any opening for some fool to step into.

  Back then when our family was destroyed, in 1937, Wilfred and Hilda were old enough so that thestate let them stay on their own in the big four-room house that my father had built. Philbert wasplaced with another family in Lansing, a Mrs. Hackett, while Reginald and Wesley went to live with afamily called Williams, who were friends of my mother's. And Yvonne and Robert went to live with aWest Indian family named McGuire.

  Separated though we were, all of us maintained fairly close touch around Lansing-in school and out-whenever we could get together. Despite the artificially created separation and distance between us,we still remained very close in our feelings toward each other.


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 hooded hooded     
adj.戴头巾的;有罩盖的;颈部因肋骨运动而膨胀的
参考例句:
  • A hooded figure waited in the doorway. 一个戴兜帽的人在门口等候。
  • Black-eyed gipsy girls, hooded in showy handkerchiefs, sallied forth to tell fortunes. 黑眼睛的吉卜赛姑娘,用华丽的手巾包着头,突然地闯了进来替人算命。 来自辞典例句
2 galloped 4411170e828312c33945e27bb9dce358     
(使马)飞奔,奔驰( gallop的过去式和过去分词 ); 快速做[说]某事
参考例句:
  • Jo galloped across the field towards him. 乔骑马穿过田野向他奔去。
  • The children galloped home as soon as the class was over. 孩子们一下课便飞奔回家了。
3 brandishing 9a352ce6d3d7e0a224b2fc7c1cfea26c     
v.挥舞( brandish的现在分词 );炫耀
参考例句:
  • The horseman came up to Robin Hood, brandishing his sword. 那个骑士挥舞着剑,来到罗宾汉面前。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He appeared in the lounge brandishing a knife. 他挥舞着一把小刀,出现在休息室里。 来自辞典例句
4 standing 2hCzgo     
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的
参考例句:
  • After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
  • They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。
5 Christian KVByl     
adj.基督教徒的;n.基督教徒
参考例句:
  • They always addressed each other by their Christian name.他们总是以教名互相称呼。
  • His mother is a sincere Christian.他母亲是个虔诚的基督教徒。
6 dedicated duHzy2     
adj.一心一意的;献身的;热诚的
参考例句:
  • He dedicated his life to the cause of education.他献身于教育事业。
  • His whole energies are dedicated to improve the design.他的全部精力都放在改进这项设计上了。
7 disciples e24b5e52634d7118146b7b4e56748cac     
n.信徒( disciple的名词复数 );门徒;耶稣的信徒;(尤指)耶稣十二门徒之一
参考例句:
  • Judas was one of the twelve disciples of Jesus. 犹大是耶稣十二门徒之一。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • "The names of the first two disciples were --" “最初的两个门徒的名字是——” 来自英汉文学 - 汤姆历险
8 exhorting 6d41cec265e1faf8aefa7e4838e780b1     
v.劝告,劝说( exhort的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • Joe Pationi's stocky figure was moving constantly, instructing and exhorting. 乔·佩特罗尼结实的身影不断地来回走动,又发指示,又替他们打气。 来自辞典例句
  • He is always exhorting us to work harder for a lower salary. ((讽刺))他总是劝我们为了再低的薪水也得更卖力地工作。 来自辞典例句
9 pane OKKxJ     
n.窗格玻璃,长方块
参考例句:
  • He broke this pane of glass.他打破了这块窗玻璃。
  • Their breath bloomed the frosty pane.他们呼出的水气,在冰冷的窗玻璃上形成一层雾。
10 butts 3da5dac093efa65422cbb22af4588c65     
笑柄( butt的名词复数 ); (武器或工具的)粗大的一端; 屁股; 烟蒂
参考例句:
  • The Nazis worked them over with gun butts. 纳粹分子用枪托毒打他们。
  • The house butts to a cemetery. 这所房子和墓地相连。
11 enraged 7f01c0138fa015d429c01106e574231c     
使暴怒( enrage的过去式和过去分词 ); 歜; 激愤
参考例句:
  • I was enraged to find they had disobeyed my orders. 发现他们违抗了我的命令,我极为恼火。
  • The judge was enraged and stroke the table for several times. 大法官被气得连连拍案。
12 decided lvqzZd     
adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的
参考例句:
  • This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
  • There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。
13 infancy F4Ey0     
n.婴儿期;幼年期;初期
参考例句:
  • He came to England in his infancy.他幼年时期来到英国。
  • Their research is only in its infancy.他们的研究处于初级阶段。
14 physically iNix5     
adj.物质上,体格上,身体上,按自然规律
参考例句:
  • He was out of sorts physically,as well as disordered mentally.他浑身不舒服,心绪也很乱。
  • Every time I think about it I feel physically sick.一想起那件事我就感到极恶心。
15 briefly 9Styo     
adv.简单地,简短地
参考例句:
  • I want to touch briefly on another aspect of the problem.我想简单地谈一下这个问题的另一方面。
  • He was kidnapped and briefly detained by a terrorist group.他被一个恐怖组织绑架并短暂拘禁。
16 savings ZjbzGu     
n.存款,储蓄
参考例句:
  • I can't afford the vacation,for it would eat up my savings.我度不起假,那样会把我的积蓄用光的。
  • By this time he had used up all his savings.到这时,他的存款已全部用完。
17 funnel xhgx4     
n.漏斗;烟囱;v.汇集
参考例句:
  • He poured the petrol into the car through a funnel.他用一个漏斗把汽油灌入汽车。
  • I like the ship with a yellow funnel.我喜欢那条有黄烟囱的船。
18 reviling 213de76a9f3e8aa84e8febef9ac41d05     
v.辱骂,痛斥( revile的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • A man stood on a wooden box in the park, reviling against civilization. 一个人站在公园的一个木盒上,大肆攻击文明世界。 来自互联网
  • The speaker stood on a table, reviling at the evil doings of the reactionaries. 那位演讲者站在桌上痛斥反动派的罪恶行径。 来自互联网
19 dissent ytaxU     
n./v.不同意,持异议
参考例句:
  • It is too late now to make any dissent.现在提出异议太晚了。
  • He felt her shoulders gave a wriggle of dissent.他感到她的肩膀因为不同意而动了一下。
20 outskirts gmDz7W     
n.郊外,郊区
参考例句:
  • Our car broke down on the outskirts of the city.我们的汽车在市郊出了故障。
  • They mostly live on the outskirts of a town.他们大多住在近郊。
21 spoke XryyC     
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说
参考例句:
  • They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
  • The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。
22 postgraduate ulMzNh     
adj.大学毕业后的,大学研究院的;n.研究生
参考例句:
  • I didn't put down that I had postgraduate degree.我没有写上我有硕士学位。
  • After college,Mary hopes to do postgraduate work in law school.大学毕业后, 玛丽想在法学院从事研究工作。
23 harassed 50b529f688471b862d0991a96b6a1e55     
adj. 疲倦的,厌烦的 动词harass的过去式和过去分词
参考例句:
  • He has complained of being harassed by the police. 他投诉受到警方侵扰。
  • harassed mothers with their children 带着孩子的疲惫不堪的母亲们
24 friction JQMzr     
n.摩擦,摩擦力
参考例句:
  • When Joan returned to work,the friction between them increased.琼回来工作后,他们之间的摩擦加剧了。
  • Friction acts on moving bodies and brings them to a stop.摩擦力作用于运动着的物体,并使其停止。
25 odds n5czT     
n.让步,机率,可能性,比率;胜败优劣之别
参考例句:
  • The odds are 5 to 1 that she will win.她获胜的机会是五比一。
  • Do you know the odds of winning the lottery once?你知道赢得一次彩票的几率多大吗?
26 belligerent Qtwzz     
adj.好战的,挑起战争的;n.交战国,交战者
参考例句:
  • He had a belligerent aspect.他有种好斗的神色。
  • Our government has forbidden exporting the petroleum to the belligerent countries.我们政府已经禁止向交战国输出石油。
27 savagely 902f52b3c682f478ddd5202b40afefb9     
adv. 野蛮地,残酷地
参考例句:
  • The roses had been pruned back savagely. 玫瑰被狠狠地修剪了一番。
  • He snarled savagely at her. 他向她狂吼起来。
28 subconsciously WhIzFD     
ad.下意识地,潜意识地
参考例句:
  • In choosing a partner we are subconsciously assessing their evolutionary fitness to be a mother of children or father provider and protector. 在选择伴侣的时候,我们会在潜意识里衡量对方将来是否会是称职的母亲或者父亲,是否会是合格的一家之主。
  • Lao Yang thought as he subconsciously tightened his grasp on the rifle. 他下意识地攥紧枪把想。 来自汉英文学 - 散文英译
29 afflicted aaf4adfe86f9ab55b4275dae2a2e305a     
使受痛苦,折磨( afflict的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • About 40% of the country's population is afflicted with the disease. 全国40%左右的人口患有这种疾病。
  • A terrible restlessness that was like to hunger afflicted Martin Eden. 一阵可怕的、跟饥饿差不多的不安情绪折磨着马丁·伊登。
30 instinctively 2qezD2     
adv.本能地
参考例句:
  • As he leaned towards her she instinctively recoiled. 他向她靠近,她本能地往后缩。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He knew instinctively where he would find her. 他本能地知道在哪儿能找到她。 来自《简明英汉词典》
31 lighter 5pPzPR     
n.打火机,点火器;驳船;v.用驳船运送;light的比较级
参考例句:
  • The portrait was touched up so as to make it lighter.这张画经过润色,色调明朗了一些。
  • The lighter works off the car battery.引燃器利用汽车蓄电池打火。
32 devoted xu9zka     
adj.忠诚的,忠实的,热心的,献身于...的
参考例句:
  • He devoted his life to the educational cause of the motherland.他为祖国的教育事业贡献了一生。
  • We devoted a lengthy and full discussion to this topic.我们对这个题目进行了长时间的充分讨论。
33 complacent JbzyW     
adj.自满的;自鸣得意的
参考例句:
  • We must not become complacent the moment we have some success.我们决不能一见成绩就自满起来。
  • She was complacent about her achievements.她对自己的成绩沾沾自喜。
34 bragging 4a422247fd139463c12f66057bbcffdf     
v.自夸,吹嘘( brag的现在分词 );大话
参考例句:
  • He's always bragging about his prowess as a cricketer. 他总是吹嘘自己板球水平高超。 来自辞典例句
  • Now you're bragging, darling. You know you don't need to brag. 这就是夸口,亲爱的。你明知道你不必吹。 来自辞典例句
35 fad phyzL     
n.时尚;一时流行的狂热;一时的爱好
参考例句:
  • His interest in photography is only a passing fad.他对摄影的兴趣只是一时的爱好罢了。
  • A hot business opportunity is based on a long-term trend not a short-lived fad.一个热门的商机指的是长期的趋势而非一时的流行。
36 janitor iaFz7     
n.看门人,管门人
参考例句:
  • The janitor wiped on the windows with his rags.看门人用褴褛的衣服擦着窗户。
  • The janitor swept the floors and locked up the building every night.那个看门人每天晚上负责打扫大楼的地板和锁门。
37 gambling ch4xH     
n.赌博;投机
参考例句:
  • They have won a lot of money through gambling.他们赌博赢了很多钱。
  • The men have been gambling away all night.那些人赌了整整一夜。
38 parasitically 13a3eaa6baf6500678d3c84ec3707987     
adv.寄生地,由寄生虫引起地
参考例句:
39 janitors 57ca206edb2855b724941b4089bf8ca7     
n.看门人( janitor的名词复数 );看管房屋的人;锅炉工
参考例句:
  • The janitors were always kicking us out. 守卫总是将~踢出去。 来自互联网
  • My aim is to be one of the best janitors in the world. 我的目标是要成为全世界最好的守门人。 来自互联网
40 thronged bf76b78f908dbd232106a640231da5ed     
v.成群,挤满( throng的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • Mourners thronged to the funeral. 吊唁者蜂拥着前来参加葬礼。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The department store was thronged with people. 百货商店挤满了人。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
41 plumes 15625acbfa4517aa1374a6f1f44be446     
羽毛( plume的名词复数 ); 羽毛饰; 羽毛状物; 升上空中的羽状物
参考例句:
  • The dancer wore a headdress of pink ostrich plumes. 那位舞蹈演员戴着粉色鸵鸟毛制作的头饰。
  • The plumes on her bonnet barely moved as she nodded. 她点点头,那帽子的羽毛在一个劲儿颤动。
42 followers 5c342ee9ce1bf07932a1f66af2be7652     
追随者( follower的名词复数 ); 用户; 契据的附面; 从动件
参考例句:
  • the followers of Mahatma Gandhi 圣雄甘地的拥护者
  • The reformer soon gathered a band of followers round him. 改革者很快就获得一群追随者支持他。
43 mighty YDWxl     
adj.强有力的;巨大的
参考例句:
  • A mighty force was about to break loose.一股巨大的力量即将迸发而出。
  • The mighty iceberg came into view.巨大的冰山出现在眼前。
44 tune NmnwW     
n.调子;和谐,协调;v.调音,调节,调整
参考例句:
  • He'd written a tune,and played it to us on the piano.他写了一段曲子,并在钢琴上弹给我们听。
  • The boy beat out a tune on a tin can.那男孩在易拉罐上敲出一首曲子。
45 killing kpBziQ     
n.巨额利润;突然赚大钱,发大财
参考例句:
  • Investors are set to make a killing from the sell-off.投资者准备清仓以便大赚一笔。
  • Last week my brother made a killing on Wall Street.上个周我兄弟在华尔街赚了一大笔。
46 bugs e3255bae220613022d67e26d2e4fa689     
adj.疯狂的,发疯的n.窃听器( bug的名词复数 );病菌;虫子;[计算机](制作软件程序所产生的意料不到的)错误
参考例句:
  • All programs have bugs and need endless refinement. 所有的程序都有漏洞,都需要不断改进。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The sacks of rice were swarming with bugs. 一袋袋的米里长满了虫子。 来自《简明英汉词典》
47 grove v5wyy     
n.林子,小树林,园林
参考例句:
  • On top of the hill was a grove of tall trees.山顶上一片高大的树林。
  • The scent of lemons filled the grove.柠檬香味充满了小树林。
48 apron Lvzzo     
n.围裙;工作裙
参考例句:
  • We were waited on by a pretty girl in a pink apron.招待我们的是一位穿粉红色围裙的漂亮姑娘。
  • She stitched a pocket on the new apron.她在新围裙上缝上一只口袋。
49 scrambled 2e4a1c533c25a82f8e80e696225a73f2     
v.快速爬行( scramble的过去式和过去分词 );攀登;争夺;(军事飞机)紧急起飞
参考例句:
  • Each scrambled for the football at the football ground. 足球场上你争我夺。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • He scrambled awkwardly to his feet. 他笨拙地爬起身来。 来自《简明英汉词典》
50 commotion 3X3yo     
n.骚动,动乱
参考例句:
  • They made a commotion by yelling at each other in the theatre.他们在剧院里相互争吵,引起了一阵骚乱。
  • Suddenly the whole street was in commotion.突然间,整条街道变得一片混乱。
51 hysterical 7qUzmE     
adj.情绪异常激动的,歇斯底里般的
参考例句:
  • He is hysterical at the sight of the photo.他一看到那张照片就异常激动。
  • His hysterical laughter made everybody stunned.他那歇斯底里的笑声使所有的人不知所措。
52 tapered 4c6737890eeff46eb8dd48dc0b94b563     
adj. 锥形的,尖削的,楔形的,渐缩的,斜的 动词taper的过去式和过去分词
参考例句:
  • The tail tapered to a rounded tip. 尾部越来越细,最后成了个圆尖。
  • The organization tapered off in about half a year. 那个组织大约半年内就逐渐消失了。
53 apparently tMmyQ     
adv.显然地;表面上,似乎
参考例句:
  • An apparently blind alley leads suddenly into an open space.山穷水尽,豁然开朗。
  • He was apparently much surprised at the news.他对那个消息显然感到十分惊异。
54 toddling 5ea72314ad8c5ba2ca08d095397d25d3     
v.(幼儿等)东倒西歪地走( toddle的现在分词 );蹒跚行走;溜达;散步
参考例句:
  • You could see his grandson toddling around in the garden. 你可以看到他的孙子在花园里蹒跚行走。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • She fell while toddling around. 她摇摇摆摆地到处走时摔倒了 来自辞典例句
55 toll LJpzo     
n.过路(桥)费;损失,伤亡人数;v.敲(钟)
参考例句:
  • The hailstone took a heavy toll of the crops in our village last night.昨晚那场冰雹损坏了我们村的庄稼。
  • The war took a heavy toll of human life.这次战争夺去了许多人的生命。
56 meddling meddling     
v.干涉,干预(他人事务)( meddle的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • He denounced all "meddling" attempts to promote a negotiation. 他斥责了一切“干预”促成谈判的企图。 来自辞典例句
  • They liked this field because it was never visited by meddling strangers. 她们喜欢这块田野,因为好事的陌生人从来不到那里去。 来自辞典例句
57 incensed 0qizaV     
盛怒的
参考例句:
  • The decision incensed the workforce. 这个决定激怒了劳工大众。
  • They were incensed at the decision. 他们被这个决定激怒了。
58 stewed 285d9b8cfd4898474f7be6858f46f526     
adj.焦虑不安的,烂醉的v.炖( stew的过去式和过去分词 );煨;思考;担忧
参考例句:
  • When all birds are shot, the bow will be set aside;when all hares are killed, the hounds will be stewed and eaten -- kick out sb. after his services are no longer needed. 鸟尽弓藏,兔死狗烹。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • \"How can we cook in a pan that's stewed your stinking stockings? “染臭袜子的锅,还能煮鸡子吃!还要它?” 来自汉英文学 - 中国现代小说
59 raisins f7a89b31fdf9255863139804963e88cf     
n.葡萄干( raisin的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • These raisins come from Xinjiang,they taste delicious. 这些葡萄干产自新疆,味道很甜。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • Mother put some raisins in the cake. 母亲在糕饼中放了一些葡萄干。 来自辞典例句
60 caliber JsFzO     
n.能力;水准
参考例句:
  • They ought to win with players of such high caliber.他们选手的能力这样高,应该获胜。
  • We are always trying to improve the caliber of our schools.我们一直在想方设法提高我们学校的水平。
61 muskrats 3cf03264004bee8c4e5b7a6890ade7af     
n.麝鼠(产于北美,毛皮珍贵)( muskrat的名词复数 )
参考例句:
62 creek 3orzL     
n.小溪,小河,小湾
参考例句:
  • He sprang through the creek.他跳过小河。
  • People sunbathe in the nude on the rocks above the creek.人们在露出小溪的岩石上裸体晒日光浴。
63 destitute 4vOxu     
adj.缺乏的;穷困的
参考例句:
  • They were destitute of necessaries of life.他们缺少生活必需品。
  • They are destitute of common sense.他们缺乏常识。
64 pointed Il8zB4     
adj.尖的,直截了当的
参考例句:
  • He gave me a very sharp pointed pencil.他给我一支削得非常尖的铅笔。
  • She wished to show Mrs.John Dashwood by this pointed invitation to her brother.她想通过对达茨伍德夫人提出直截了当的邀请向她的哥哥表示出来。
65 recipients 972af69bf73f8ad23a446a346a6f0fff     
adj.接受的;受领的;容纳的;愿意接受的n.收件人;接受者;受领者;接受器
参考例句:
  • The recipients of the prizes had their names printed in the paper. 获奖者的姓名登在报上。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The recipients of prizes had their names printed in the paper. 获奖者名单登在报上。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
66 inclinations 3f0608fe3c993220a0f40364147caa7b     
倾向( inclination的名词复数 ); 倾斜; 爱好; 斜坡
参考例句:
  • She has artistic inclinations. 她有艺术爱好。
  • I've no inclinations towards life as a doctor. 我的志趣不是行医。
67 peculiar cinyo     
adj.古怪的,异常的;特殊的,特有的
参考例句:
  • He walks in a peculiar fashion.他走路的样子很奇特。
  • He looked at me with a very peculiar expression.他用一种很奇怪的表情看着我。
68 acting czRzoc     
n.演戏,行为,假装;adj.代理的,临时的,演出用的
参考例句:
  • Ignore her,she's just acting.别理她,她只是假装的。
  • During the seventies,her acting career was in eclipse.在七十年代,她的表演生涯黯然失色。
69 justified 7pSzrk     
a.正当的,有理的
参考例句:
  • She felt fully justified in asking for her money back. 她认为有充分的理由要求退款。
  • The prisoner has certainly justified his claims by his actions. 那个囚犯确实已用自己的行动表明他的要求是正当的。
70 sneak vr2yk     
vt.潜行(隐藏,填石缝);偷偷摸摸做;n.潜行;adj.暗中进行
参考例句:
  • He raised his spear and sneak forward.他提起长矛悄悄地前进。
  • I saw him sneak away from us.我看见他悄悄地从我们身边走开。
71 crate 6o1zH     
vt.(up)把…装入箱中;n.板条箱,装货箱
参考例句:
  • We broke open the crate with a blow from the chopper.我们用斧头一敲就打开了板条箱。
  • The workers tightly packed the goods in the crate.工人们把货物严紧地包装在箱子里。
72 restrictions 81e12dac658cfd4c590486dd6f7523cf     
约束( restriction的名词复数 ); 管制; 制约因素; 带限制性的条件(或规则)
参考例句:
  • I found the restrictions irksome. 我对那些限制感到很烦。
  • a snaggle of restrictions 杂乱无章的种种限制
73 mosaic CEExS     
n./adj.镶嵌细工的,镶嵌工艺品的,嵌花式的
参考例句:
  • The sky this morning is a mosaic of blue and white.今天早上的天空是幅蓝白相间的画面。
  • The image mosaic is a troublesome work.图象镶嵌是个麻烦的工作。
74 hoof 55JyP     
n.(马,牛等的)蹄
参考例句:
  • Suddenly he heard the quick,short click of a horse's hoof behind him.突然间,他听见背后响起一阵急骤的马蹄的得得声。
  • I was kicked by a hoof.我被一只蹄子踢到了。
75 seasoning lEKyu     
n.调味;调味料;增添趣味之物
参考例句:
  • Salt is the most common seasoning.盐是最常用的调味品。
  • This sauce uses mushroom as its seasoning.这酱油用蘑菇作调料。
76 legitimate L9ZzJ     
adj.合法的,合理的,合乎逻辑的;v.使合法
参考例句:
  • Sickness is a legitimate reason for asking for leave.生病是请假的一个正当的理由。
  • That's a perfectly legitimate fear.怀有这种恐惧完全在情理之中。
77 mischievous mischievous     
adj.调皮的,恶作剧的,有害的,伤人的
参考例句:
  • He is a mischievous but lovable boy.他是一个淘气但可爱的小孩。
  • A mischievous cur must be tied short.恶狗必须拴得短。
78 applied Tz2zXA     
adj.应用的;v.应用,适用
参考例句:
  • She plans to take a course in applied linguistics.她打算学习应用语言学课程。
  • This cream is best applied to the face at night.这种乳霜最好晚上擦脸用。
79 compassion 3q2zZ     
n.同情,怜悯
参考例句:
  • He could not help having compassion for the poor creature.他情不自禁地怜悯起那个可怜的人来。
  • Her heart was filled with compassion for the motherless children.她对于没有母亲的孩子们充满了怜悯心。
80 unity 4kQwT     
n.团结,联合,统一;和睦,协调
参考例句:
  • When we speak of unity,we do not mean unprincipled peace.所谓团结,并非一团和气。
  • We must strengthen our unity in the face of powerful enemies.大敌当前,我们必须加强团结。
81 disintegrate ftmxi     
v.瓦解,解体,(使)碎裂,(使)粉碎
参考例句:
  • The older strata gradually disintegrate.较老的岩层渐渐风化。
  • The plane would probably disintegrate at that high speed.飞机以那么高速飞行也许会四分五裂。
82 helping 2rGzDc     
n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的,辅助的
参考例句:
  • The poor children regularly pony up for a second helping of my hamburger. 那些可怜的孩子们总是要求我把我的汉堡包再给他们一份。
  • By doing this, they may at times be helping to restore competition. 这样一来, 他在某些时候,有助于竞争的加强。
83 mutual eFOxC     
adj.相互的,彼此的;共同的,共有的
参考例句:
  • We must pull together for mutual interest.我们必须为相互的利益而通力合作。
  • Mutual interests tied us together.相互的利害关系把我们联系在一起。
84 shun 6EIzc     
vt.避开,回避,避免
参考例句:
  • Materialists face truth,whereas idealists shun it.唯物主义者面向真理,唯心主义者则逃避真理。
  • This extremist organization has shunned conventional politics.这个极端主义组织有意避开了传统政治。
85 unaware Pl6w0     
a.不知道的,未意识到的
参考例句:
  • They were unaware that war was near. 他们不知道战争即将爆发。
  • I was unaware of the man's presence. 我没有察觉到那人在场。
86 forth Hzdz2     
adv.向前;向外,往外
参考例句:
  • The wind moved the trees gently back and forth.风吹得树轻轻地来回摇晃。
  • He gave forth a series of works in rapid succession.他很快连续发表了一系列的作品。
87 cork VoPzp     
n.软木,软木塞
参考例句:
  • We heard the pop of a cork.我们听见瓶塞砰的一声打开。
  • Cork is a very buoyant material.软木是极易浮起的材料。
88 ordeal B4Pzs     
n.苦难经历,(尤指对品格、耐力的)严峻考验
参考例句:
  • She managed to keep her sanity throughout the ordeal.在那场磨难中她始终保持神志正常。
  • Being lost in the wilderness for a week was an ordeal for me.在荒野里迷路一星期对我来说真是一场磨难。
89 breakdown cS0yx     
n.垮,衰竭;损坏,故障,倒塌
参考例句:
  • She suffered a nervous breakdown.她患神经衰弱。
  • The plane had a breakdown in the air,but it was fortunately removed by the ace pilot.飞机在空中发生了故障,但幸运的是被王牌驾驶员排除了。
90 kindly tpUzhQ     
adj.和蔼的,温和的,爽快的;adv.温和地,亲切地
参考例句:
  • Her neighbours spoke of her as kindly and hospitable.她的邻居都说她和蔼可亲、热情好客。
  • A shadow passed over the kindly face of the old woman.一道阴影掠过老太太慈祥的面孔。
91 chastised 1b5fb9c7c5ab8f5b2a9ee90d5ef232e6     
v.严惩(某人)(尤指责打)( chastise的过去式 )
参考例句:
  • He chastised the team for their lack of commitment. 他指责队伍未竭尽全力。
  • The Securities Commission chastised the firm but imposed no fine. 证券委员会严厉批评了那家公司,不过没有处以罚款。 来自辞典例句
92 statistic QuGwb     
n.统计量;adj.统计的,统计学的
参考例句:
  • Official statistics show real wages declining by 24%.官方统计数字表明实际工资下降了24%。
  • There are no reliable statistics for the number of deaths in the battle.关于阵亡人数没有可靠的统计数字。
93 hypocrisy g4qyt     
n.伪善,虚伪
参考例句:
  • He railed against hypocrisy and greed.他痛斥伪善和贪婪的行为。
  • He accused newspapers of hypocrisy in their treatment of the story.他指责了报纸在报道该新闻时的虚伪。
94 penalize nSfzm     
vt.对…处以刑罚,宣告…有罪;处罚
参考例句:
  • It would be unfair to penalize those without a job.失业人员待遇低下是不公平的。
  • The association decided not to penalize you for the race.赛马协会决定对你不予处罚。
95 hesitation tdsz5     
n.犹豫,踌躇
参考例句:
  • After a long hesitation, he told the truth at last.踌躇了半天,他终于直说了。
  • There was a certain hesitation in her manner.她的态度有些犹豫不决。


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