Ella couldn't believe how atheist1, how uncouth2 I had become. I believed that a man should doanything that he was slick enough, or bad and bold enough, to do and that a woman was nothing butanother commodity. Every word I spoke3 was hip4 or profane5. I would bet that my working vocabularywasn't two hundred words.
Even Shorty, whose apartment I now again shared, wasn't prepared for how I lived and thought-like apredatory animal. Sometimes I would catch him watching me.
At first, I slept a lot-even at night. I had slept mostly in the daytime during the preceding two years.
When awake, I smoked reefers. Shorty had originally introduced me to marijuana, and myconsumption of it now astounded6 him.
I didn't want to talk much, at first. When awake, I'd play records continuously. The reefers gave me afeeling of contentment. I would enjoy hours of floating, day dreaming, imaginary conversations withmy New York musician friends.
Within two weeks, I'd had more sleep than during any two months when I had been in Harlemhustling day and night. When I finally went out in the Roxbury streets, it took me only a little while tolocate a peddler of "snow"-cocaine7. It was when I got back into that familiar snow feeling that I beganto want to talk.
Cocaine produces, for those who sniff8 its powdery white crystals, an illusion of supreme9 well-being,and a soaring over-confidence in both physical and mental ability. You think you could whip theheavyweight champion, and that you are smarter than anybody. There was also that feeling oftimelessness. And there were intervals10 of ability to recall and review things that had happened yearsback with an astonishing clarity.
Shorty's band played at spots around Boston three or four nights a week. After he left for work, Sophiawould come over and I'd talk about my plans. She would be gone back to her husband by the timeShorty returned from work, and I'd bend his ear until daybreak.
Sophia's husband had gotten out of the military, and he was some sort of salesman. He was supposedto have a big deal going which soon would require his traveling a lot to the West Coast. I didn't askquestions, but Sophia often indicated they weren't doing too well. I know _I_ had nothing to do withthat. He never dreamed I existed. A white woman might blow up at her husband and scream and yelland call him every name she can think of, and say the most vicious things in an effort to hurt him, andtalk about his mother and his grandmother, too, but one thing she never will tell him herself is that sheis going with a black man. That's one automatic red murder flag to the white man, and his womanknows it.
Sophia always had given me money. Even when I had hundreds of dollars in my pocket, when shecame to Harlem I would take everything she had short of her train fare back to Boston. It seems thatsome women love to be exploited. When they are not exploited, they exploit the man. Anyway, it washis money that she gave me, I guess, because she never had worked. But now my demands on herincreased, and she came up with more; again, I don't know where she got it. Always, every now andthen, I had given her a hard time, just to keep her in line. Every once in a while a woman seems toneed, in fact _wants_ this, too. But now, I would feel evil and slap her around worse than ever, someof the nights when Shorty was away. She would cry, curse me, and swear that she would never beback. But I knew she wasn't even thinking about not coming back.
Sophia's being around was one of Shorty's greatest pleasures about my homecoming. I have said itbefore, I never in my life have seen a black man that desired white women as sincerely as Shorty did.
Since I had known him, he had had several. He had never been able to keep a white woman anylength of time, though, because he was too good to them, and, as I have said, any woman, white orblack, seems to get bored with that.
It happened that Shorty was between white women when one night Sophia brought to the house herseventeen-year-old sister. I never saw anything like the way that she and Shorty nearly jumped foreach other. For him, she wasn't only a white girl, but a _young_ white girl. For her, he wasn't only aNegro, but a Negro _musician_. In looks, she was a younger version of Sophia, who still turned heads.
Sometimes I'd take the two girls to Negro places where Shorty played. Negroes showed thirty-twoteeth apiece as soon as they saw the white girls. They would come over to your booth, or your table;they would stand there and drool. And Shorty was no better. He'd stand up there playing andwatching that young girl waiting for him, and waving at him, and winking13. As soon as the set wasover, he'd practically run over people getting down to our table.
I didn't lindy-hop any more now, I wouldn't even have thought of it now, just as I wouldn't have beencaught in a zoot suit now. All of my suits were conservative. A banker might have worn my shoes.
I met Laura again. We were really glad to see each other. She was a lot more like me now, a good-timegirl. We talked and laughed. She looked a lot older than she really was. She had no one man, she freelanced around. She had long since moved away from her grandmother. Laura told me she hadfinished school, but then she gave up the college idea. Laura was high whenever I saw her, now, too; we smoked some reefers together.
After about a month of "laying dead," as inactivity was called, I knew I had to get some kind of hustlegoing.
A hustler, broke, needs a stake. Some nights when Shorty was playing, I would take whatever Sophiahad been able to get for me, and I'd try to run it up into something, playing stud poker15 at JohnHughes' gambling16 house.
When I had lived in Roxbury before, John Hughes had been a big gambler who wouldn't have spokento me. But during the war the Roxbury "wire" had carried a lot about things I was doing in Harlem,and now the New York name magic was on me. That was the feeling that hustlers everywhere elsehad: if you could hustle14 and make it in New York, they were well off to know you; it gave themprestige. Anyway, through the same flush war years, John Hughes had hustled17 profitably enough tobe able to open a pretty good gambling house.
John, one night, was playing in a game I was in. After the first two cards were dealt around the table, Ihad an ace11 showing. I looked beneath it at my hole card; another ace-a pair, back-to-back.
My ace showing made it my turn to bet.
But I didn't rush. I sat there and studied.
Finally, I knocked my knuckles18 on the table, passing, leaving the betting to the next man. My actionimplied that beneath my ace was some "nothing" card that I didn't care to risk my money on.
The player sitting next to me took the bait. He bet pretty heavily. And the next man raised him.
Possibly each of them had small pairs. Maybe they just wanted to scare me out before I drew anotherace. Finally, the bet reached John, who had a queen showing; he raised everybody.
Now, there was no telling what John had. John truly was a clever gambler. He could gamble as well asanybody I had gambled with in New York.
So the bet came back to me. It was going to cost me a lot of money to call all the raises. Some of themobviously had good cards but I knew I had every one of them beat. But again I studied, and studied; Ipretended perplexity. And finally I put in my money, calling the bets.
The same betting pattern went on, with each new card, right around to the last card. And when thatlast card went around, I hit another ace in sight. Three aces12. And John hit another queen in sight.
He bet a pile. Now, everyone else studied a long time-and, one by one, all folded their hands. Except me. All I could do was put what I had left on the table.
If I'd had the money, I could have raised five hundred dollars or more, and he'd have had to call me.
John couldn't have gone the rest of his life wondering if I had bluffed19 him out of a pot that big.
I showed my hole card ace; John had three queens. As I hauled in the pot, something over fivehundred dollars-my first real stake in Boston-John got up from the table. He'd quit. He told his houseman, "Anytime Red comes in here and wants anything, let him have it." He said, "I've never seen ayoung man play his hole card like he played."John said "young man," being himself about fifty, I guess, although you can never be certain about aNegro's age. He thought, as most people would have, that I was about thirty. No one in Roxburyexcept my sisters Ella and Mary suspected my real age.
The story of that poker game helped my on-scene reputation among the other gamblers and hustlersaround Roxbury. Another thing that happened in John's gambling house contributed: the incident thatmade it known that I carried not a gun, but some guns.
John had a standing20 rule that anyone who came into the place to gamble had to check his guns if hehad any. I always checked two guns. Then, one night, when a gambler tried to pull something slick, Idrew a third gun, from its shoulder holster. This added to the rest of my reputation the word that Iwas "trigger-happy" and "crazy."Looking back, I think I really was at least slightly out of my mind. I viewed narcotics21 as most peopleregard food. I wore my guns as today I wear my neckties. Deep down, I actually believed that afterliving as fully23 as humanly possible, one should then die violently. I expected then, as I still expecttoday, to die at any time. But then, I think I deliberately24 invited death in many, sometimes insane,ways.
For instance, a merchant marine25 sailor who knew me and my reputation came into a bar carrying apackage. He motioned me to follow him downstairs into the men's room. He unwrapped a stolenmachine gun; he wanted to sell it. I said, "How do I know it works?" He loaded it with a cartridge26 clip,and told me that all I would have to do then was squeeze the trigger release. I took the gun, examinedit, and the first thing he knew I had it jammed right up in his belly27. I told him I would blow him wideopen. He went backwards28 out of the rest room and up the stairs the way Bill "Bojangles" Robinsonused to dance going backwards. He knew I was crazy enough to kill him. I was insane enough not toconsider that he might just wait his chance to kill me. For perhaps a month I kept the machine gun atShorty's before I was broke and sold it.
When Reginald came to Roxbury visiting, he was shocked at what he'd found out upon returning toHarlem. I spent some time with him. He still was the kid brother whom I still felt more "family"toward than I felt now even for our sister Ella. Ella still liked me. I would go to see her once in a while.
But Ella had never been able to reconcile herself to the way I had changed. She has since told me that she had a steady foreboding that I was on my way into big trouble. But I always had the feeling thatElla somehow admired my rebellion against the world, because she, who had so much more drive andguts than most men, often felt stymied29 by having been born female.
Had I been thinking only in terms of myself, maybe I would have chosen steady gambling as a hustle.
There were enough chump gamblers that hung around John Hughes' for a good gambler to make aliving off them; chumps that worked, usually. One would just have to never miss the games on theirpaydays. Besides, John Hughes had offered me a job dealing30 for games; I didn't want that.
But I had come around to thinking not only of myself. I wanted to get something going that could helpShorty, too. We had been talking; I really felt sorry for Shorty. The same old musician story. The so-called glamor31 of being a musician, earning just about enough money so that after he paid rent andbought his reefers and food and other routine things, he had nothing left. Plus debts. How couldShorty have anything? I'd spent years in Harlem and on the road around the most popular musicians,the "names," even, who really were making big money for musicians-and they had nothing.
For that matter, all the thousands of dollars I'd handled, and _I_ had nothing. Just satisfying mycocaine habit alone cost me about twenty dollars a day. I guess another five dollars a day could havebeen added for reefers and plain tobacco cigarettes that I smoked; besides getting high on drugs, Ichain-smoked as many as four packs a day. And, if you ask me today, I'll tell you that tobacco, in all itsforms, is just as much an addiction32 as any narcotic22.
When I opened the subject of a hustle with Shorty, I started by first bringing him to agree with myconcept-of which he was a living proof-that only squares kept on believing they could ever getanything by slaving.
And when I mentioned what I had in mind-house burglary Shorty, who always had been so relativelyconservative, really surprised me by how quickly he agreed. He didn't even know anything aboutburglarizing.
When I began to explain how it was done, Shorty wanted to bring in this friend of his, whom I hadmet, and liked, called Rudy.
Rudy's mother was Italian, his father was a Negro. He was born right there in Boston, a short, lightfellow, a pretty boy type. Rudy worked regularly for an employment agency that sent him to wait ontables at exclusive parties. He had a side deal going, a hustle that took me right back to the oldsteering days in Harlem. Once a week, Rudy went to the home of this old, rich Boston blueblood,pillar-of-society aristocrat33. He paid Rudy to undress them both, then pick up the old man like a baby,lay him on his bed, then stand over him and sprinkle him all over with _talcum powder_, Rudy saidthe old man would actually reach his climax34 from that.
I told him and Shorty about some of the things I'd seen. Rudy said that as far as he knew, Boston hadno organized specialty35 sex houses, just individual rich whites who had their private specialty desires catered36 to by Negroes who came to their homes camouflaged37 as chauffeurs38, maids, waiters, or someother accepted image. Just as in New York, these were the rich, the highest society-the predominantlyold men, past the age of ability to conduct any kind of ordinary sex, always hunting for new ways tobe "sensitive."Rudy, I remember, spoke of one old white man who paid a black couple to let him watch them haveintercourse on his bed. Another was so "sensitive" that he paid to sit on a chair outside a room where acouple was-he got his satisfaction just from imagining what was going on inside.
A good burglary team includes, I knew, what is called a "finder." A finder is one who locates lucrativeplaces to rob. Another principal need is someone able to "case" these places' physical layouts-todetermine means of entry, the best getaway routes, and so forth39. Rudy qualified40 on both counts. Beingsent to work in rich homes, he wouldn't be suspected when he sized up their loot and cased the joint,just running around looking busy with a white coat on.
Rudy's reaction, when he was told what we had in mind, was something, I remember, like "Man,when do we start?"But I wasn't rushing off half-cocked. I had learned from some of the pros41, and from my ownexperience, how important it was to be careful and plan. Burglary, properly executed, though it had itsdangers, offered the maximum chances of success with the minimum risk. If you did your job so thatyou never met any of your victims, it first lessened42 your chances of having to attack or perhaps killsomeone. And if through some slip-up you were caught, later, by the police, there was never apositive eyewitness43.
It is also important to select an area of burglary and stick to that. There are specific specialties44 amongburglars. Some work apartments only, others houses only, others stores only, or warehouses45; stillothers will go after only safes or strongboxes.
Within the residence burglary category, there are further specialty distinctions. There are the dayburglars, the dinner-and theater-time burglars, the night burglars. I think that any city's police will tellyou that very rarely do they find one type who will work at another time. For instance Jumpsteady, inHarlem, was a nighttime apartment specialist. It would have been hard to persuade Jumpsteady towork in the daytime if a millionaire had gone out for lunch and left his front door wide open.
I had one very practical reason never to work in the daytime, aside from my inclinations47. With myhigh visibility, I'd have been sunk in the daytime. I could just hear people: "A reddish-brown Negroover six feet tall." One glance would be enough.
Setting up what I wanted to be the perfect operation, I thought about pulling the white girls into it for two reasons. One was that I realized we'd be too limited relying only upon places where Rudy workedas a waiter. He didn't get to work in too many places; it wouldn't be very long before we ran out ofsources. And when other places had to be found and cased in the rich, white residential48 areas, Negroeshanging around would stick out like sore thumbs, but these white girls could get invited into the rightplaces.
I disliked the idea of having too many people involved, all at the same time. But with Shorty andSophia's sister so close now, and Sophia and me as though we had been together for fifty years, andRudy as eager and cool as he was, nobody would be apt to spill, everybody would be under the samerisk; we would be like a family unit.
I never doubted that Sophia would go along. Sophia would do anything I said. And her sister woulddo anything that Sophia said. They both went for it. Sophia's husband was away on one of his trips tothe coast when I told her and her sister.
Most burglars, I knew, were caught not on the job, but trying to dispose of the loot. Finding the fencewe used was a rare piece of luck. We agreed upon the plan for operations. The fence didn't work withus directly. He had a representative, an ex-con, who dealt with me, and no one else in my gang. Asidefrom his regular business, he owned around Boston several garages and small warehouses. Thearrangement was that before a job, I would alert the representative, and give him a general idea ofwhat we expected to get, and he'd tell me at which garage or warehouse46 we should make the drop.
After we had made our drop, the representative would examine the stolen articles. He would removeall identifying marks from everything. Then he would call the fence, who would come and make apersonal appraisal49. The next day the representative would meet me at a prearranged place and wouldmake the payment for what we had stolen-in cash.
One thing I remember. This fence always sent your money in crisp, brand-new bills. He was smart.
Somehow that had a very definite psychological effect upon all of us, after we had pulled a job,walking around with that crisp green money in our pockets. He may have had other reasons.
We needed a base of operations-not in Roxbury. The girls rented an apartment in Harvard Square.
Unlike Negroes, these white girls could go shopping for the locale and physical situation we wanted.
It was on the ground floor, where, moving late at night, all of us could come and go without attractingnotice.
In any organization, someone must be the boss. If it's even just one person, you've got to be the boss ofyourself.
At our gang's first meeting in the apartment, we discussed how we were going to work. The girlswould get into houses to case them by ringing bells and saying they were saleswomen, poll-takers,college girls making a survey, or anything else suitable. Once in the houses, they would get around as much as they could without attracting attention. Then, back, they would report what special valuablesthey had seen, and where. They would draw the layout for Shorty, Rudy, and me. We agreed that thegirls would actually burglarize only in special cases where there would be some advantage. Butgenerally the three men would go, two of us to do the job while the third kept watch in the getawaycar, with the motor running.
Talking to them, laying down the plans, I had deliberately sat on a bed away from them. All of asudden, I pulled out my gun, shook out all five bullets, and then let them see me put back only onebullet. I twirled the cylinder50, and put the muzzle51 to my head. "Now, I'm going to see how much gutsall of you have," I said.
I grinned at them. All of their mouths had flapped open. I pulled the trigger-we all heard it _click_.
"I'm going to do it again, now."They begged me to stop. I could see in Shorty's and Rudy's eyes some idea of rushing me.
We all heard the hammer _click_ on another empty cylinder. The women were in hysterics. Rudy andShorty were begging, _"Man. . . Red. . . cut it out, man!. . . Freeze!"_ I pulled the trigger once more.
"I'm doing this, showing you I'm not afraid to die," I told them. "Never cross a man not afraid to die. . .
now, let's get to work!"I never had one moment's trouble with any of them after that. Sophia acted awed52, her sister all butcalled me "Mr. Red." Shorty and Rudy were never again quite the same with me. Neither of them evermentioned it. They thought I was crazy. They were afraid of me.
We pulled the first job that night-the place of the old man who hired Rudy to sprinkle him withtalcum powder. A cleaner job couldn't have been asked for. Everything went like clockwork. The fencewas full of praise; he proved he meant it with his crisp, new money. The old man later told Rudy howa small army of detectives had been there-and they decided53 that the job had the earmarks of somegang which had been operating around Boston for about a year.
We quickly got it down to a science. The girls would scout54 and case in wealthy neighborhoods. Theburglary would be pulled; sometimes it took no more than ten minutes. Shorty and I did most of theactual burglary. Rudy generally had the getaway car.
If the people weren't at home, we'd use a passkey on a common door lock. On a patent lock, we'd usea jimmy, as it's called, or a lockpick. Or, sometimes, we would enter by windows from a fire-escape, ora roof. Gullible55 women often took the girls all over their houses, just to hear them exclaiming over thefinery. With the help of the girls' drawings and a finger-beam searchlight, we went straight to thethings we wanted.
Sometimes the victims were in their beds asleep. That may sound very daring. Actually, it was almost easy. The first thing we had to do when people were in the house was to wait, very still, and pick upthe sounds of breathing. Snorers we loved; they made it real easy. In stockinged feet, we'd go rightinto the bedrooms. Moving swiftly, like shadows, we would lift clothes, watches, wallets, handbags,and jewelry56 boxes.
The Christmas season was Santa Claus for us; people had expensive presents lying all over theirhouses. And they had taken more cash than usual out of their banks. Sometimes, working earlier thanwe usually did, we even worked houses that we hadn't cased. If the shades were drawn57 full, and nolights were on, and there was no answer when one of the girls rang the bell, we would take the chanceand go in.
I can give you a very good tip if you want to keep burglars out of your house. A light on for theburglar to see is the very best single means of protection. One of the ideal things is to leave a bathroomlight on all night. The bathroom is one place where somebody could be, for any length of time, at anytime of the night, and he would be likely to hear the slightest strange sound. The burglar, knowingthis, won't try to enter. 'It's also the cheapest possible protection. The kilowatts58 are a lot cheaper thanyour valuables.
We became efficient. The fence sometimes relayed tips as to where we could find good loot. It was inthis way that for one period, one of our best periods, I remember, we specialized59 in Oriental rugs. Ihave always suspected that the fence himself sold the rugs to the people we stole them from. But,anyway, you wouldn't imagine the value of those things. I remember one small one that brought us athousand dollars. There's no telling what the fence got for it. Every burglar knew that fences robbedthe burglars worse than the burglars had robbed the victims.
Our only close brush with the law came once when we were making our getaway, three of us in thefront seat of the car, and the back seat loaded with stuff. Suddenly we saw a police car round thecorner, coming toward us, and it went on past us. They were just cruising. But then in the rear-viewmirror, we saw them make a U-turn, and we knew they were going to flash us to stop. They hadspotted us, in passing, as Negroes, and they knew that Negroes had no business in the area at thathour. It was a close situation. There was a lot of robbery going on; we weren't the only gang working,we knew, not by any means. But I knew that the white man is rare who will ever consider that a Negrocan outsmart him. Before their light began flashing, I told Rudy to stop. I did what I'd done oncebefore-got out and flagged them, walking toward them. When they stopped, I was at their car. I askedthem, bumbling my words like a confused Negro, if they could tell me how to get to a Roxburyaddress. They told me, and we, and they, went on about our respective businesses.
We were going along fine. We'd make a good pile and then lay low awhile, living it up. Shorty stillplayed with his band, Rudy never missed attending his sensitive old man, or the table-waiting at hisexclusive parties, and the girls maintained their routine home schedules.
Sometimes, I still took the girls out to places where Shorty played, and to other places, spendingmoney as though it were going out of style, the girls dressed in jewelry and furs they had selected from our hauls. No one knew our hustle, but it was clear that we were doing fine. And sometimes, thegirls would come over and we'd meet them either at Shorty's in Roxbury or in our Harvard Squareplace, and just smoke reefers, and play music. It's a shame to tell on a man, but Shorty was so obsessedwith the white girl that even if the lights were out, he would pull up the shade to be able to see thatwhite flesh by the street lamp from outside.
Early evenings when we were laying low between jobs, I often went to a Massachusetts Avenuenightclub called the Savoy. And Sophia would telephone me there punctually. Even when we pulledjobs, I would leave from this club, then rush back there after the job. The reason was so that if it wasever necessary, people could testify that they had seen me at just about the time the job was pulled.
Negroes being questioned by policemen would be very hard to pin down on any exact time.
Boston at this time had two Negro detectives. Ever since I had come back on the Roxbury scene, one ofthese detectives, a dark brown fellow named Turner, had never been able to stand me, and it wasmutual. He talked about what he would do to me, and I had promptly60 put an answer back on thewire. I knew from the way he began to act that he had heard it. Everyone knew that I carried guns.
And he did have sense enough to know that I wouldn't hesitate to use them-and on him, detective ornot.
This early evening I was in this place when at the usual time, the phone in the booth rang. It rang justas this detective Turner happened to walk in through the front door. He saw me start to get up, heknew the call was for me, but stepped inside the booth, and answered.
I heard him saying, looking straight at me, "Hello, hello, hello-" And I knew that Sophia, taking nochances with the strange voice, had hung up.
"Wasn't that call for me?" I asked Turner.
He said that it was.
I said, "Well, why didn't you say so?"He gave me a rude answer. I knew he wanted me to make a move, first. We both were being cagey.
We both knew that we wanted to kill each other. Neither wanted to say the wrong thing. Turner didn'twant to say anything that, repeated, would make him sound bad. I didn't want to say anything thatcould be interpreted as a threat to a cop.
But I remember exactly what I said to him anyway, purposely loud enough for some people at the barto hear me. I said, "You know, Turner-you're trying to make history. Don't you know that if you playwith me, you certainly will go down in history because you've got to kill me?" Turner looked at me. Then he backed down. He walked on by me. I guess he wasn't ready to makehistory.
I had gotten to the point where I was walking on my own coffin61.
It's a law of the rackets that every criminal expects to get caught. He tries to stave off the inevitable62 foras long as he can.
Drugs helped me push the thought to the back of my mind. They were the center of my life. I hadgotten to the stage where every day I used enough drugs-reefers, cocaine, or both-so that I felt aboveany worries, any strains. If any worries did manage to push their way through to the surface of myconsciousness, I could float them back where they came from until tomorrow, and then until the nextday.
But where, always before, I had been able to smoke the reefers and to sniff the snow and rarely show itvery much, by now it was not that easy.
One week when we weren't working-after a big haul-I was just staying high, and I was outnightclubbing. I came into this club, and from the bartender's face when he spoke, "Hello, Red," Iknew that something was wrong. But I didn't ask him anything. I've always had this rule-never askanybody in that kind of situation; they will tell you what they want you to know. But the bartenderdidn't get a chance to tell me, if he had meant to. When I sat down on a stool and ordered a drink, Isaw them.
Sophia and her sister sat at a table inside, near the dance floor, with a white man.
I don't know how I ever made such a mistake as I next did. I could have talked to her later. I didn'tknow, or care, who the white fellow was. My cocaine told me to get up.
It wasn't Sophia's husband. It was his closest friend. They had served in the war together. With herhusband out of town, he had asked Sophia and her sister out to dinner, and they went. But then, later,after dinner, driving around, he had suddenly suggested going over to the black ghetto63.
Every Negro who lives in a city has seen the type a thousand times, the Northern cracker64 who will goto visit "niggertown," to be amused at "the coons."The girls, so well known in the Negro places in Roxbury, had tried to change his mind, but he hadinsisted. So they had just held their breaths coming into this club where they had been a hundredtimes. They walked in stiff-eyeing the bartenders and waiters who caught their message and acted asthough they never had seen them before. And they were sitting there with drinks before them,praying that no Negro who knew them would barge65 up to their table.
Then up I came. I know I called them "Baby." They were chalky-white, he was beet-red.
That same night, back at the Harvard Square place, I really got sick. It was less of a physical sicknessthan it was all of the last five years catching66 up. I was in my pajamas67 in bed, half asleep, when I heardsomeone knock.
I knew that something was wrong. We all had keys. No one ever knocked at the door. I rolled oft andunder the bed; I was so groggy68 it didn't cross my mind to grab for my gun on the dresser.
Under the bed, I heard the key turn, and I saw the shoes and pants cuffs69 walk in. I watched them walkaround. I saw them stop. Every time they stopped, I knew what the eyes were looking at. And I knew,before he did, that he was going to get down and look under the bed. He did. It was Sophia'shusband's friend. His face was about two feet from mine. It looked congealed70.
"Ha, ha, ha, I fooled you, didn't I?" I said. It wasn't at all funny. I got out from under the bed, still fake-laughing. He didn't run, I'll say that for him. He stood back; he watched me as though I were a snake.
I didn't try to hide what he already knew. The girls had some things in the closets, and around; he hadseen all of that. We even talked some. I told him the girls weren't there, and he left. What shook me themost was realizing that I had trapped myself under the bed without a gun. I really was slipping.
I had put a stolen watch into a jewelry shop to replace a broken crystal. It was about two days later,when I went to pick up the watch, that things fell apart.
As I have said, a gun was as much a part of my dress as a necktie. I had my gun in a shoulder holster,under my coat.
The loser of the watch, the person from whom it had been stolen by us, I later found, had describedthe repair that it needed. It was a very expensive watch, that's why I had kept it for myself. And all ofthe jewelers in Boston had been alerted.
The Jew waited until I had paid him before he laid the watch on the counter. He gave his signal-andthis other fellow suddenly appeared, from the back, walking toward me.
One hand was in his pocket. I knew he was a cop.
He said, quietly, "Step into the back."Just as I started back there, an innocent Negro walked into the shop. I remember later hearing that hehad just that day gotten out of the military. The detective, thinking he was with me, turned to him.
There I was, wearing my gun, and the detective talking to that Negro with his back to me. Today I believe that Allah was with me even then. I didn't try to shoot him. And that saved my life.
I remember that his name was Detective Slack.
I raised my arm, and motioned to him, "Here, take my gun."I saw his face when he took it. He was shocked. Because of the sudden appearance of the other Negro,he had never thought about a gun. It really moved him that I hadn't tried to kill him.
Then, holding my gun in his hand, he signaled. And out from where they had been concealed71 walkedtwo other detectives. They'd had me covered. One false move, I'd have been dead.
I was going to have a long time in prison to think about that.
If I hadn't been arrested right when I was, I could have been dead another way. Sophia's husband'sfriend had told her husband about me. And the husband had arrived that morning, and had gone tothe apartment with a gun, looking for me. He was at the apartment just about when they took me tothe precinct.
The detectives grilled72 me. They didn't beat me. They didn't even put a finger on me. And I knew itwas because I hadn't tried to kill the detective.
They got my address from some papers they found on me. The girls soon were picked up. Shorty waspulled right off the bandstand that night. The girls also had implicated73 Rudy. To this day, I havealways marveled at how Rudy, somehow, got the word, and I know he must have caught the firstthing smoking out of Boston, and he got away. They never got him.
I have thought a thousand times, I guess, about how I so narrowly escaped death twice that day.
That's why I believe that everything is written.
The cops found the apartment loaded with evidence-fur coats, some jewelry, other small stuff-plus thetools of our trade. A jimmy, a lockpick, glass cutters, screwdrivers74, pencil-beam flashlights, falsekeys. . . and my small arsenal75 of guns. The girls got low bail76. They were still white-burglars or not.
Their worst crime was their involvement with Negroes. But Shorty and I had bail set at $10, 000 each,which they knew we were nowhere near able to raise.
The social workers worked on us. White women in league with Negroes was their main obsession77.
The girls weren't so-called "tramps," or "trash," they were well-to-do upper-middle-class whites. Thatbothered the social workers and the forces of the law more than anything else.
How, where, when, had I met them? Did we sleep together? Nobody wanted to know anything at allabout the robberies. All they could see was that we had taken the white man's women.
I just looked at the social workers: "Now, what do you think?"Even the court clerks and the bailiffs: "Nice white girls . . . goddam niggers-" It was the same evenfrom our court-appointed lawyers as we sat down, under guard, at a table, as our hearing assembled.
Before the judge entered, I said to one lawyer, "We seem to be getting sentenced because of thosegirls." He got red from the neck up and shuffled78 his papers: "You had no business with white girls!"Later, when I had learned the full truth about the white man, I reflected many times that the averageburglary sentence for a first offender79, as we all were, was about two years. But we weren't going to getthe average-not for _our_ crime.
I want to say before I go on that I have never previously80 told anyone my sordid81 past in detail. I haven'tdone it now to sound as though I might be proud of how bad, how evil, I was.
But people are always speculating-why am I as I am? To understand that of any person, his whole life,from birth, must be reviewed. All of our experiences fuse into our personality. Everything that everhappened to us is an ingredient.
Today, when everything that I do has an urgency, I would not spend one hour in the preparation of abook which had the ambition to perhaps titillate82 some readers. But I am spending many hours becausethe full story is the best way that I know to have it seen, and understood, that I had sunk to the verybottom of the American white man's society when-soon now, in prison-I found Allah and the religionof Islam and it completely transformed my life.
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atheist
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| n.无神论者 | |
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uncouth
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| adj.无教养的，粗鲁的 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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hip
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| n.臀部，髋；屋脊 | |
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profane
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| adj.亵神的，亵渎的；vt.亵渎，玷污 | |
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astounded
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| v.使震惊(astound的过去式和过去分词)；愕然；愕；惊讶 | |
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cocaine
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| n.可卡因，古柯碱（用作局部麻醉剂） | |
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sniff
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| vi.嗅…味道；抽鼻涕；对嗤之以鼻，蔑视 | |
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supreme
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| adj.极度的，最重要的；至高的，最高的 | |
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intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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ace
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| n.A牌；发球得分；佼佼者；adj.杰出的 | |
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aces
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| abbr.adjustable convertible-rate equity security (units) 可调节的股本证券兑换率；aircraft ejection seat 飞机弹射座椅；automatic control evaluation simulator 自动控制评估模拟器n.擅长…的人( ace的名词复数 )；精于…的人；（ 网球 ）（对手接不到发球的）发球得分；爱司球 | |
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winking
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| n.瞬眼，目语v.使眼色( wink的现在分词 )；递眼色（表示友好或高兴等）；（指光）闪烁；闪亮 | |
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hustle
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| v.推搡；竭力兜售或获取；催促；n.奔忙(碌) | |
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poker
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| n.扑克；vt.烙制 | |
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gambling
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| n.赌博；投机 | |
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hustled
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| 催促（hustle的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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knuckles
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| n.（指人）指关节( knuckle的名词复数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝v.（指人）指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝 | |
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bluffed
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| 以假象欺骗，吹牛( bluff的过去式和过去分词 )； 以虚张声势找出或达成 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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narcotics
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| n.麻醉药( narcotic的名词复数 )；毒品；毒 | |
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narcotic
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| n.麻醉药，镇静剂；adj.麻醉的，催眠的 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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marine
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| adj.海的；海生的；航海的；海事的；n.水兵 | |
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cartridge
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| n.弹壳，弹药筒；(装磁带等的)盒子 | |
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belly
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| n.肚子，腹部；(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分，膛 | |
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backwards
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| adv.往回地，向原处，倒，相反，前后倒置地 | |
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stymied
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| n.被侵袭的v.妨碍，阻挠( stymie的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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glamor
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| n.魅力，吸引力 | |
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addiction
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| n.上瘾入迷，嗜好 | |
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aristocrat
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| n.贵族，有贵族气派的人，上层人物 | |
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climax
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| n.顶点；高潮；v.(使)达到顶点 | |
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specialty
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| n.(speciality)特性，特质；专业，专长 | |
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catered
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| 提供饮食及服务( cater的过去式和过去分词 )； 满足需要，适合 | |
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camouflaged
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| v.隐蔽( camouflage的过去式和过去分词 )；掩盖；伪装，掩饰 | |
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chauffeurs
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| n.受雇于人的汽车司机( chauffeur的名词复数 ) | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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qualified
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| adj.合格的，有资格的，胜任的，有限制的 | |
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pros
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| abbr.prosecuting 起诉；prosecutor 起诉人；professionals 自由职业者；proscenium （舞台）前部n.赞成的意见( pro的名词复数 )；赞成的理由；抵偿物；交换物 | |
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lessened
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| 减少的，减弱的 | |
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eyewitness
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| n.目击者，见证人 | |
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specialties
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| n.专门，特性，特别；专业( specialty的名词复数 )；特性；特制品；盖印的契约 | |
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warehouses
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| 仓库，货栈( warehouse的名词复数 ) | |
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warehouse
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| n.仓库；vt.存入仓库 | |
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inclinations
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| 倾向( inclination的名词复数 )； 倾斜； 爱好； 斜坡 | |
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residential
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| adj.提供住宿的；居住的；住宅的 | |
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appraisal
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| n.对…作出的评价；评价，鉴定，评估 | |
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cylinder
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| n.圆筒，柱(面)，汽缸 | |
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muzzle
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| n.鼻口部；口套；枪(炮)口；vt.使缄默 | |
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awed
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| adj.充满敬畏的，表示敬畏的v.使敬畏，使惊惧( awe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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scout
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| n.童子军，侦察员；v.侦察，搜索 | |
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gullible
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| adj.易受骗的；轻信的 | |
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jewelry
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| n.（jewllery）（总称）珠宝 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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kilowatts
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| 千瓦( kilowatt的名词复数 ) | |
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specialized
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| adj.专门的，专业化的 | |
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promptly
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| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
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coffin
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| n.棺材，灵柩 | |
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inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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ghetto
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| n.少数民族聚居区，贫民区 | |
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cracker
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| n.（无甜味的）薄脆饼干 | |
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barge
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| n.平底载货船，驳船 | |
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catching
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| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
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pajamas
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| n.睡衣裤 | |
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groggy
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| adj.体弱的；不稳的 | |
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cuffs
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| n.袖口( cuff的名词复数 )v.掌打，拳打( cuff的第三人称单数 ) | |
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congealed
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| v.使凝结，冻结( congeal的过去式和过去分词 )；（指血）凝结 | |
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concealed
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| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
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grilled
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| adj. 烤的, 炙过的, 有格子的 动词grill的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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implicated
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| adj.密切关联的；牵涉其中的 | |
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screwdrivers
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| n.螺丝刀( screwdriver的名词复数 )；螺丝起子；改锥；伏特加橙汁鸡尾酒 | |
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arsenal
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| n.兵工厂，军械库 | |
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bail
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| v.舀（水），保释；n.保证金，保释，保释人 | |
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obsession
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| n.困扰，无法摆脱的思想(或情感) | |
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shuffled
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| v.洗（纸牌）( shuffle的过去式和过去分词 )；拖着脚步走；粗心地做；摆脱尘世的烦恼 | |
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offender
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| n.冒犯者，违反者，犯罪者 | |
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previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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sordid
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| adj.肮脏的，不干净的，卑鄙的，暗淡的 | |
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titillate
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| v.挑逗；使兴奋 | |
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