TWELFTH of Third Month, 1769. -- Having for some years past dieted myself onaccount of illness and weakness of body, and not having ability to travel byland as heretofore, I was at times favoured to look with awfulness towards theLord, before whom are all my ways, who alone hath the power of life and death,and to feel thankfulness raised in me for this His fatherly chastisement,believing that if I was truly humbled2 under it all would work for good. Whileunder this bodily weakness, my mind was at times exercised for my fellow-creatures in the West Indies, and I grew jealous over myself lest thedisagreeableness of the prospect3 should hinder me from obediently attendingthereto; for, though I knew not that the Lord required me to go there, yet Ibelieved that resignation was now called for in that respect. Feeling a dangerof not being wholly devoted4 to Him, I was frequently engaged to watch untoprayer that I might be preserved; and upwards5 of a year having passed, as I oneday walked in a solitary6 wood, my mind being covered with awfulness, cries wereraised in me to my merciful Father, that He would graciously keep me infaithfulness; and it then settled on my mind, as a duty, to open my conditionto Friends at our Monthly Meeting, which I did soon after, as follows: -"An exercise hath attended me for some time past, and of late hath been moreweighty upon me, which is, that I believe it is required of me to be resignedto go on a visit to some parts of the West Indies."In the Quarterly and General Spring Meetings I found no clearness to expressanything further than that I believed resignation herein was required of me.
Having obtained certificates from all the said meetings, I felt like asojourner at my outward habitation, and kept free from worldly encumbrances,and I was often bowed in spirit before the Lord, with inward breathings to Himthat I might be rightly directed. I may here note that the circumstance beforerelated of my having, when young, joined with another executor in selling anegro lad till he might attain8 the age of thirty years, was now the cause ofmuch sorrow to me; and, after having settled matters relating to this youth, Iprovided a sea-store and bed, and things for the voyage. Hearing of a vessellikely to sail from Philadelphia for Barbadoes, I spake with one of the ownersat Burlington, and soon after went to Philadelphia on purpose to speak to himagain. He told me there was a Friend in town who was part owner of the saidvessel. I felt no inclination10 to speak with the latter, but returned home.
Awhile after I took leave of my family, and, going to Philadelphia, had someweighty conversation with the first-mentioned owner, and showed him a writing,as follows: -"On the 25th of Eleventh Month, 1769, as an exercise with respect to a visitto Barbadoes hath been weighty on my mind, I may express some of the trials which have attended me, under which I have at times rejoiced that I have feltmy own self-will subjected.
"Some years ago I retailed11 rum, sugar, and molasses, the fruits of the labourof slaves, but had not then much concern about them save only that the rummight be used in moderation; nor was this concern so weightily attended to as Inow believe it ought to have been. Having of late years been further informedrespecting the oppression too generally exercised in these islands, andthinking often on the dangers there are in connections of interest andfellowship with the works of darkness (Eph. v. 11), I have felt an increasingconcern to be wholly given up to the leadings of the Holy Spirit, and it hathseemed right that my small gain from this branch of trade should be applied12 inpromoting righteousness on the earth. This was the first motion towards a visitto Barbadoes. I believed also that part of my outward substance should beapplied in paying my passage, if I went, and providing things in a lowly wayfor my subsistence; but when the time drew near in which I believed it requiredof me to be in readiness, a difficulty arose which hath been a continual trialfor some months past, under which I have, with abasement13 of mind from day today, sought the Lord for instruction, having often had a feeling of thecondition of one formerly14, who bewailed himself because the Lord hid His facefrom him. During these exercises my heart hath often been contrite15, and I havehad a tender feeling of the temptations of my fellow-creatures, labouring underexpensive customs not agreeable to the simplicity16 that 'there is in Christ' (2Cor. ii. 3), and sometimes in the renewings of gospel love I have been helpedto minister to others.
"That which hath so closely engaged my mind, in seeking to the Lord forinstruction, is, whether, after the full information I have had of theoppression which the slaves lie under who raise the West India produce, which Ihave gained by reading a caution and warning to Great Britain and her colonies,written by Anthony Benezet, it is right for me to take passage in a vesselemployed in the West India trade.
"To trade freely with oppressors without labouring to dissuade17 them from suchunkind treatment, and to seek for gain by such traffic, tends, I believe, tomake them more easy respecting their conduct than they would be, if the causeof universal righteousness was humbly18 and firmly attended to by those ingeneral with whom they have commerce; and that complaint of the Lord by hisprophet, "They have strengthened the hands of the wicked," hath very oftenrevived in my mind. I may here add some circumstances which occurred to mebefore I had any prospect of a visit there. David longed for some water in awell beyond an army of Philistines19 who were at war with Israel, and some of his men, to please him, ventured their lives in passing through this army, andbrought that water.
"It doth not appear that the Israelites were then scarce of water, but ratherthat David gave way to delicacy20 of taste; and having reflected on the danger towhich these men had been exposed, he considered this water as their blood, andhis heart smote21 him that he could not drink it, but he poured it out to theLord. The oppression of the slaves which I have seen in several journeyssouthward on this continent, and the report of their treatment in the WestIndies, have deeply affected22 me, and a care to live in the spirit of peace andminister no just cause of offence to my fellow-creatures having from time totime livingly revived in my mind, I have for some years past declined togratify my palate with those sugars.
"I do not censure23 my brethren in these things, but I believe the Father ofMercies, to whom all mankind by creation are equally related, hath heard thegroans of this oppressed people, and that He is preparing some to have a tenderfeeling of their condition. Trading in, or the frequent use of any produceknown to be raised by the labour of those who are under such lamentableoppression, hath appeared to be a subject which may hereafter require the moreserious consideration of the humble1 followers24 of Christ, the Prince of Peace.
"After long and mournful exercise I am now free to mention how things haveopened in my mind, with desires that, if it may please the Lord further to openHis will to any of His children in this matter, they may faithfully follow Himin such further manifestation25.
"The number of those who decline the use of West India produce, on account ofthe hard usage of the slaves who raise it, appears small, even among peopletruly pious26; and the labours in Christian27 love on that subject of those who do,are not very extensive. Were the trade from this continent to the West Indiesto be stopped at once, I believe many there would suffer for want of bread. Didwe on this continent and the inhabitants of the West Indies generally dwell inpure righteousness, I believe a small trade between us might be right. Underthese considerations, when the thoughts of wholly declining the use of trading-vessels and of trying to hire a vessel9 to go under ballast have arisen in mymind, I have believed that the labours in gospel love hitherto bestowed28 in thecause of universal righteousness have not reached that height. If the trade tothe West Indies were no more than was consistent with pure wisdom, I believethe passage-money would, for good reasons, be higher than it is now; andtherefore, under deep exercise of mind, I have believed that I should not takeadvantage of this great trade and small passage-money, but, as a testimony29 in favour of less trading, should pay more than is common for others to pay if Igo at this time."The first-mentioned owner, having read the paper, went with me to the otherowner, who also read over the paper, and we had some solid conversation, underwhich I felt my self bowed in reverence30 before the Most High. At length one ofthem asked me if I would go and see the vessel. But not having clearness in mymind to go, I went to my lodging31 and retired32 in private under great exercise ofmind; and my tears were poured out before the Lord with inward cries that Hewould graciously help me under these trials. I believe my mind was resigned,but I did not feel clearness to proceed; and my own weakness and the necessityof divine instruction were impressed upon me.
I was for a time as one who knew not what to do, and was tossed as in atempest; under which affliction the doctrine33 of Christ, "Take no thought forthe morrow," arose livingly before me, and I was favoured to get into a gooddegree of stillness. Having been near two days in town, I believed my obedienceto my Heavenly Father consisted in returning homeward; I therefore went overamong Friends on the Jersey35 shore and tarried till the morning on which thevessel was appointed to sail. As I lay in bed the latter part of that night mymind was comforted, and I felt what I esteemed36 a fresh confirmation37 that it wasthe Lord's will that I should pass through some further exercises near home; soI went thither38, and still felt like a sojourner7 with my family. In the freshspring of pure love, I had some labours in a private way among Friends on asubject relating to truth's testimony, under which I had frequently beenexercised in heart for some years. I remember, as I walked on the road underthis exercise, that passage in Ezekiel came fresh upon me, "Whithersoever theirfaces were turned, thither they went." And I was graciously helped to dischargemy duty in the fear and dread39 of the Almighty40.
In the course of a few weeks it pleased the Lord to visit me with a pleurisy;and after I had lain a few days and felt the disorder41 very grievous, I wasthoughtful how might it end. I had of late, through various exercises, beenmuch weaned from the pleasant things of this life; and I now thought, if itwere the Lord's will to put an end to my labours and graciously to receive meinto the arms of His mercy, death would be acceptable to me; but if it were Hiswill further to refine me under affliction, and to make me in any degree usefulin His Church, I desired not to die. I may with thankfulness say that in thiscase, I felt resignedness wrought42 in me, and had no inclination to send for adoctor, believing, if it were the Lord's will through outward means to raise meup, some sympathizing Friends would be sent to minister to me; whichaccordingly was the case. But though I was carefully attended, yet the disorderwas at times so heavy that I had no expectation of recovery. One night in particular my bodily distress43 was great; my feet grew cold, and the coldincreased up my legs towards my body; at that time I had no inclination to askmy nurse to apply anything warm to my feet, expecting my end was near. After Ihad lain near ten hours in this condition, I closed my eyes, thinking whether Imight now be delivered out of the body; but in these awful moments my mind waslivingly opened to behold44 the Church; and strong engagements were begotten45 inme for the everlasting46 well-being47 of my fellow-creatures. I felt in the springof pure love that I might remain some time longer in the body, to fill upaccording to my measure that which remains48 of the afflictions of Christ, and tolabour for the good of the Church; after which I requested my nurse to applywarmth to my feet and I revived. The next night, feeling a weighty exercise ofspirit and having a solid Friend sitting up with me, I requested him to writewhat I said, which he did as follows: -Fourth day of the First Month, 1770, about five in the morning. -- "I haveseen in the Light of the Lord that the day is approaching when the man that ismost wise in human policy shall be the greatest fool; and the arm that ismighty to support injustice49 shall be broken to pieces; the enemies ofrighteousness shall make a terrible rattle50, and shall mightily51 torment52 oneanother; for He that is omnipotent53 is rising up to judgment54, and will plead thecause of the oppressed; and He commanded me to open the vision."Near a week after this, feeling my mind livingly opened, I sent for aneighbour, who, at my request, wrote as follows: -"The place of prayer is a precious habitation; for I now saw that the prayersof the saints were precious incense55; and a trumpet56 was given to me that I mightsound forth34 this language; that the children might hear it and be invitedtogether to this precious habitation, where the prayers of the saints, as sweetincense, arise before the throne of God and the Lamb. I saw this habitation tobe safe, -- to be inwardly quiet when there were great stirrings and commotionsin the world.
"Prayer, at this day, in pure resignation, is a precious place: the trumpetis sounded; the call goes forth to the Church that she gather to the place ofpure inward prayer; and her habitation is safe."
一 七六九年三月十二日；好些年来我为了鼻瘤的关系实行节食，因此身体一天比一天衰弱，已不能像从前那样从容地作旱路旅行。有时候我从敬畏仰望主而得到帮助 ——我一切所行的都在主面前，只有祂握有生死权力——同时对祂的慈父般的管教深为感戴，相信我若能谦卑顺服，一切都必对我有益。当我身体衰弱之时，我心却 常常想到在西印度群岛的同胞们，深恐有意外阻挠使我无法到那边作访问工作。虽然我还不知道主是否要我到那地方去，但若有这种呼召的话，则我必须顺从。为着 恐怕自己不能专诚服事祂，我常恳切祷告，盼望得蒙保守。约有一年时间情形颇佳，有一天我在林中散步，心中忽生恐惧，乃迫切呼求慈悲天父助我守信不渝，以后 心中平静，知道我应当将我的盼望向月会朋友们陈明，于是我告诉他们说：“在过去的一些时候我常常觉得愿意前往西印度的某些地方作访问工作，最近这种愿望较 前更为强烈。”在季会和春季全体大会中我只表示在这事上我必须顺从主，没有说其他的话。向上述各有关团体取得证件之后，我觉得自己好像是一个寄居的客人， 已摆脱了属世的障碍。我常在主面前俯首，盼望能得到祂的导引。我愿意在这里声明，当我年轻时和另一朋友共同负责贩卖那青年黑奴，约定待他三十岁时始加释放 这件事，现在成为我忧伤的原因。在把关于这黑奴的事处理完毕后，我就备妥了海行所需各物，准备动身。听说有一条船可能从费城启碇，开往巴佩道斯，我即在柏 林敦和这船的主人之一接洽，嗣后又为这事往费城见他。他告诉我城里有一位朋友会人，也是这船的船东之一，但我觉得无需前往见他，故即回家。不久我与家人告 别，来到费城，和上述第一个船东有了严肃谈话，并出示底下文件：
一七六九年十一月廿五日，我对前往巴佩道斯访问的愿望既逐渐加强，似乎也应当叙述一些我所经历的试炼；在试炼中有时我觉内心喜慰，因为我觉得将自己意志放在上帝旨意之下。
“好些年前我贩卖酒类，糖，和蜜糖这些奴隶劳动的产物，那时对这些买卖心中并不觉得不安，只希望对酒类的应用稍加限制，但也并不十分积极地提倡。近年来对西印度群岛一带迫害奴工的情况更为明了，常想这种情况显然是‘与暗昧之事同行的’（参弗5：11）。 因此我更觉得愿意完全跟从圣灵的领导，且认为自己从这行生意所获的微利应当用在促进人间正义的事上。这便是我访问巴佩道斯的第一动机。我也相信我所有的部 分财产应该用在访问的旅费和其他需要上面。到了靠近我认为应当动身的时候，忽然遭遇了严重阻挠，使我好几个月之久处在试炼中。在这时期我每天以忧伤之心寻 求主的引领，却常觉得像那遭主向他掩面者所有的感觉。在这种内心的挣扎中，我很同情那些处在奢侈习俗诱惑下的人，他们远离了那‘向基督所存纯一清洁的心 ’（参林后11：3）。有的时候在福音的爱中，我蒙助得以向别人做些教牧工作。
“我心中所关切着，愿意寻求主指示的一件事，乃是我既然知道那些在西印度从事生产工作的人如何残暴地压迫奴隶，正如朋尼则特在警告大不列颠及其殖民地一书中所描述的，那么，我是不是可以乘搭一条从事于西印度贸易的船？
“ 和迫害者通商贸易而不设法纠正他们的不仁，却只求从这种贸易中获利，必使这些人对自己的行为更加放肆，倒不如以谦虚态度，表示坚决持守正义。我心中常记起 主的先知所传达的一句话：‘他们坚固恶人的手。’我不妨在这里把有关访问那地方的考虑先行提出。近年来大卫的一个故事常常呈现在我眼前。当大卫和非利士人 打仗时，他想得到在敌军后方一口井里的水，他部下的勇士为着取悦主人，冒着生命危险深入敌阵取水。
“ 这并不是因为以色列人缺少水喝，却是大卫王一时想尝那口井的水。以后想起那些勇士冒死前往取水，这水的价值等于是他们的血，因此心受谴责，不喝那水，却将 水奠在耶和华面前。我在南方的数次旅行所看见奴隶被压迫的苦况，和所听到关于西印度方面对待奴隶的残酷，使我心中忧伤；因此我时时警醒自己，要以和平之灵 过活，绝对不伤害同胞弟兄。在这种意念之下，有好几年我不愿意尝试西印度由榨取奴隶劳动力所产的糖。
“在这些事上我并不责难弟兄们，只相信那依平等创造人类的仁慈天父已听见这些被压迫者的呻吟，也在准备一些人，叫他们对奴隶处境生同情之心。经营或食用那藉奴工所出产的货物，确是一个严重的良心问题，值得一切跟从基督——和平之君——的人更进一步的严重思考。
“经过长期忧伤思想之后，我现在觉得可以自由地说出我心中所得的启示，并盼望若主在这事上乐意把祂的旨意向祂的儿女们作更明显的启示，他们必忠诚地遵从祂的带领。
“ 为了奴隶被压迫及酷待的原因而拒绝食用西印度物产的人数目是很小的，甚至真虔诚的人当中，亦不多见。至于那些实行基督徒爱心的人，对此亦不十分努力。我相 信本洲和西印度之间的贸易若一时停顿，许多人必遭受失业之苦。但本洲和西印度居民若真能以正义为重，则彼此间的小量贸易是合理的。我一考虑到上述诸点，即 认为或者应当拒绝乘坐货船，而自租不运载货物之船，但恐怕我们在福音之爱中对正义的努力尚未达到那最高峰。如果对西印度的贸易只限于纯智慧的范围之内，则 旅客所须付出的船资必较现在的为高；在严重思考之后，我认为我不应该贪图这种因贸易繁盛而可能获得的小便宜——付出较低廉船资。我既然一向反对与西印度增 加通商贸易，此时前往该地，自当比别人付出更多船资才是。”
前述的第一个船东读了这篇文件之后，和我同往会见第二个船东，他也读了我的文件，接着我们谈了好些有意义的话，使我觉得我灵在至高者之前谦恭俯首。最后他们当中一人问我是否愿意同往视察那船。我对此未获明确启示，于是回到住处，私下作退修工夫。
这时候我处在严重试炼中，在主前泪如泉涌，内心呼叫，求主施恩帮助。这不是因为我不愿意顺从主的旨意，乃是因为我仍看不清前面的道路。这时我更觉得自己的软弱和需要神的帮助。
经 过一些时候我不晓得该怎么办，恰如在暴风雨中；在这种忧伤之时，基督的教训“不要为明天忧虑”这一句话活现在我心头。记得那正是那条船准备启碇的前数日， 因此我心灵上比较安静。这时我在城里已经两天，相信天父的旨意是要我回家去的；于是我在泽西河岸一带访问朋友，逗留到船要开行的那一天早晨。当夜下半夜我 躺在床上时心受安慰，觉得主的旨意要我在家再经历一些试炼；回家后我仍觉得自己好像是一个客人，在纯爱之中我为了见证真理这一问题和朋友们多所讨论，这一 问题在我心中已经好几年了。记得有一次当我在思想这一问题时，先知以西结的一句话忽然出现：“头向何方，他们也随向何方……”（结10：11）。在对全能者的敬畏中我获得帮助，能够履行我的责任。
约 略数星期之后，上帝的旨意使我患肋膜炎；在床上躺了几天，觉得非常痛苦，不时思想这病将有什么结局。最近以来，我几乎已放弃了今世一切悦乐之事；现在我想 若主愿意叫我终止世上的劳苦，使我投在祂慈爱的怀抱中，我将欣然接受死的来临。但若祂愿意以痛苦继续磨炼我，使我对祂的教会有所贡献，我就不愿意死。我当 以感谢之心说，这回的病我心中颇平安，也不想请教医生，认为若上帝旨意要藉外在方法治愈我，祂必遣派忠心的朋友来照顾我，以后果然如此。朋友们的看护虽甚 周到，可是我病况沉重，似乎没有复原的希望。有一夜身体非常痛苦，双足冰冷，冷气向上扩展，几及全身。这时我预料死期已至，不愿让护士加盖毡被。这情状延 长约十小时，我闭着眼睛推测是否此时灵魂将脱离躯体而去；可是心灵清楚，看见了教会真实情况；心中产生了强烈愿望，要为着人类的幸福努力工作。这时我觉得 在纯爱之中我还要留在这躯体里面一些时候，按照我的力量，“补满基督患难的缺欠，”为教会工作。于是我要护士给我加盖毡被，觉得舒服多了。第二晚心中感触 殊多，恰有一位好友坐在旁边，因此我要求他笔录我的口述如下：
“一七七○年正月四日晨五时左右，在主的亮光中我看出日子已近了，那人间最聪明的人必变成为最愚拙的；而那支持不义的刚强臂膀将被击碎，正义之敌将发生可怖的呻吟，遭受重大痛苦，因为那全能者将起来施行审判，为被压迫者伸冤。祂命令我把这异象公布出来。”
一星期后，我得到清楚的启示，于是请来一位邻居，写了下面这一段话：
“祷告的地方是最宝贵住所；因为我已看见圣徒的祷告乃是最芬郁的焚香，我奉命吹出号角，宣布这一讯息，使上帝子民听见，应召而结集于这宝贵住所中，在那里，圣徒的祷告如同焚香上升，达到上帝及羔羊座前。我看见这祷告圣所极为安全，世界尽管动荡纷扰，它却有了内在的平静。
“在今天，以顺从神的心祷告乃是最可宝贵的：号角已响，召唤教会结集于纯洁的祷告之所，这圣所是安全可靠的。”
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humble
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humbled
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prospect
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devoted
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upwards
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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sojourner
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| n.旅居者，寄居者 | |
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attain
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| vt.达到，获得，完成 | |
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vessel
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| n.船舶；容器，器皿；管，导管，血管 | |
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inclination
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| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
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retailed
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| vt.零售（retail的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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abasement
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| n.滥用 | |
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formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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contrite
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| adj.悔悟了的，后悔的，痛悔的 | |
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simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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dissuade
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| v.劝阻，阻止 | |
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humbly
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| adv. 恭顺地，谦卑地 | |
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philistines
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| n.市侩，庸人( philistine的名词复数 )；庸夫俗子 | |
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delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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smote
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| v.猛打，重击，打击( smite的过去式 ) | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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censure
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| v./n.责备；非难；责难 | |
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followers
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| 追随者( follower的名词复数 )； 用户； 契据的附面； 从动件 | |
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manifestation
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| n.表现形式；表明；现象 | |
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pious
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| adj.虔诚的；道貌岸然的 | |
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Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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bestowed
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| 赠给，授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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testimony
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| n.证词；见证，证明 | |
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reverence
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| n.敬畏，尊敬，尊严；Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称；v.尊敬，敬畏，崇敬 | |
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lodging
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| n.寄宿，住所；(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
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retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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doctrine
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| n.教义；主义；学说 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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jersey
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| n.运动衫 | |
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esteemed
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| adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 )；敬重；认为；以为 | |
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confirmation
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| n.证实，确认，批准 | |
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thither
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| adv.向那里；adj.在那边的，对岸的 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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almighty
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| adj.全能的，万能的；很大的，很强的 | |
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disorder
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| n.紊乱，混乱；骚动，骚乱；疾病，失调 | |
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wrought
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| v.引起；以…原料制作；运转；adj.制造的 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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begotten
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| v.为…之生父( beget的过去分词 )；产生，引起 | |
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everlasting
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| adj.永恒的，持久的，无止境的 | |
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well-being
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| n.安康，安乐，幸福 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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injustice
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| n.非正义，不公正，不公平，侵犯（别人的）权利 | |
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rattle
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| v.飞奔，碰响；激怒；n.碰撞声；拨浪鼓 | |
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mightily
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| ad.强烈地；非常地 | |
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torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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omnipotent
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| adj.全能的，万能的 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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incense
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| v.激怒；n.香，焚香时的烟，香气 | |
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trumpet
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| n.喇叭，喇叭声；v.吹喇叭，吹嘘 | |
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