PART I WAYWARD CHILD-AN INTENTION

PART I
WAYWARD CHILD
AN INTENTION
My intention was to keep her safe, but perhaps I have only succeeded in keeping herprisoner.
For many years, she’s been locked away inside of me—always alone, hidden in plainsight before masses of people. There’s significant evidence of her in my early work: oftenshe can be found looking out of windows, dwarfed² by a giant frame, barefoot, staring at anempty rope swing swaying from a lone¹ tree against a purple dusk sky. Or else she’s twostories up in a brownstone, watching the neighborhood children dancing on the sidewalkbelow. She’s shown up in a school auditorium³ in OshKosh overalls⁴, holding a ball on thesidelines, waiting and wanting to be chosen. Sometimes she is caught in a rare moment ofjoy, on a roller coaster or flying by on skates with her hands in the air. Always she lingers,though, as a dull longing⁵ just behind my eyes. She’s been scared and alone for so long,and yet through all the darkness, she’s never lost her light. She has made herself knownthrough my songs—her yearning⁶ heard over the airwaves or seen on screens. Millions ofpeople know of her, but have never known her.
She is little Mariah, and much of this will be her story, as she saw it.
Some of my earliest memories are of violent moments. Because of that, I have alwayscarried a heavy blanket with which I cover up large pieces of my childhood. It has been aburden. But I can no longer stand the weight of that blanket and the silence of the little girlsmothering beneath it. I am a grown woman now, with a little girl and boy of my own. Ihave seen, I have been scared, I have been scarred, and I have survived. I have used mysongs and voice to inspire others and to emancipate⁷ my adult self. I offer this book, inlarge part, to finally emancipate that scared little girl inside of me. It is time to give her avoice, to let her tell her story exactly as she experienced it.
Though you cannot dispute someone’s lived experience, without a doubt, details inthis book will differ from the accounts of my family, friends, and plenty of folks whothink they know me. I’ve lived that conflict for far too long, and I’m weary of that too.
I’ve held my hand over the mouth of that little girl in an attempt to protect others. Even“those others” who never tried to protect me. Despite my efforts to “be above it all,” I stillgot dragged and sued and ripped off. In the end, I only hurt her more, and it almost killedme.
This book is a testimony⁸ to the resilience of silenced little girls and boys everywhere:
To insist that we believe them. To honor their experiences and tell their stories.
To set them free.

1 lone   

adj.孤寂的，单独的；唯一的

参考例句：

• A lone sea gull flew across the sky.一只孤独的海鸥在空中飞过。
• She could see a lone figure on the deserted beach.她在空旷的海滩上能看到一个孤独的身影。

2 dwarfed   

vt.（使）显得矮小（dwarf的过去式与过去分词形式）

参考例句：

• The old houses were dwarfed by the huge new tower blocks. 这些旧房子在新建的高楼大厦的映衬下显得十分矮小。
• The elephant dwarfed the tortoise. 那只乌龟跟那头象相比就显得很小。 来自《简明英汉词典》

3 auditorium   

n.观众席，听众席；会堂，礼堂

参考例句：

• The teacher gathered all the pupils in the auditorium.老师把全体同学集合在礼堂内。
• The stage is thrust forward into the auditorium.舞台向前突出，伸入观众席。

4 overalls   

n.（复）工装裤；长罩衣

参考例句：

• He is in overalls today.他今天穿的是工作裤。
• He changed his overalls for a suit.他脱下工装裤，换上了一套西服。

5 longing   

n.（for）渴望

参考例句：

• Hearing the tune again sent waves of longing through her.再次听到那首曲子使她胸中充满了渴望。
• His heart burned with longing for revenge.他心中燃烧着急欲复仇的怒火。

6 yearning   

a.渴望的；向往的；怀念的

参考例句：

• a yearning for a quiet life 对宁静生活的向往
• He felt a great yearning after his old job. 他对过去的工作有一种强烈的渴想。

7 emancipate   

v.解放，解除

参考例句：

• This new machine will emancipate us from the hard work.这部新机器将把我们从繁重劳动中解放出来。
• To emancipate all mankind,we will balk at no sacrifice,even that of our lives.为了全人类的解放,即使牺牲生命也在所不惜。

8 testimony   

n.证词；见证，证明

参考例句：

• The testimony given by him is dubious.他所作的证据是可疑的。
• He was called in to bear testimony to what the police officer said.他被传入为警官所说的话作证。