COLORING OUTSIDE THE LINES

COLORING OUTSIDE THE LINES
It’s hard to explain
Inherently it’s just always been strange
Neither here nor there
Always somewhat out of place everywhere
Ambiguous without a sense of belonging to touch—“Outside”
My first encounters with racism¹ were like a first kiss in reverse: each time, a piece ofpurity was ripped from my being. Left behind was a spreading stain, which seeped² sodeeply inside of me that to this day, I’ve never been able to completely scrub it out. Notwith time, not with fame or wealth, not even with love. The earliest of these encountershappened when I was about four years old and in preschool. The activity for the day wasto draw a portrait of our families. Laid out on the table was a stack of heavy- stockconstruction paper the color of eggshells and small groups of crayons for us to pick from.
While I much preferred sing-along and story time to coloring, I was excited about theproject and determined³ to do my very best. I thought if I did a good job maybe the teacherwould decorate my drawing with a gold-foil star sticker.
I chose my supplies carefully, found a quiet corner, and got busy with the assignment.
At that point, our family of five had not yet fractured. For a short time, I had a father, amother, a sister, and a brother, and we were all living together in what felt to me likerelative peace. I wanted to create a family portrait I could be proud of. I wanted to draw allthe different unique things about everybody—their clothes, their heights and proportions,their facial features—all the little details that would make my portrait come to life. Fatherwas tall, and Mother had long dark hair. My brother was strong and my sister had herpretty ringlets. I wanted to capture all of it. The sound of crayons rubbing on thick papercreated a dull hum as the faint, comforting scent⁴ of Crayola wax wafted⁵ through the room.
Deeply engaged with perfecting my masterpiece, I was curled over with my headdown, nose nearly touching⁶ the paper, when I felt a tall shadow fall across my quietcorner. I knew instinctively⁷ that it was one of the young student teachers looming⁸ over me.
At four years old I had already begun to develop a keen watch-your-back instinct, so Iimmediately stopped moving my hand. Tension rose up and stiffened⁹ my little body. For areason I did not yet know, I sensed danger and felt suddenly protective. I held absolutelystill until she spoke¹⁰.
“How ya doin’ there, Mariah? Let’s see.”
Relaxing a bit, I lifted the paper toward her and proudly presented my family picturein progress. Immediately, the student teacher burst into laughter. She was soon joined byanother young woman teacher, who also began to laugh. Then a third adult came over tojoin in the fun. The cheerful buzz of children working with crayons stopped. The wholeroom had turned to stare at what was happening in my little corner. A brew¹¹ of self-consciousness and embarrassment¹² boiled up from my feet to my face. The whole class waswatching. I managed to speak through the stifling¹³ heat in my throat.
“Why are you laughing?” I asked.
Through her giggles¹⁴, one of them replied, “Oh, Mariah, you used the wrong crayon!
You didn’t mean to do that!” She was pointing at where I’d drawn¹⁵ my father.
As they kept laughing, I looked down at the picture of my family I had lovingly anddiligently been creating. I’d used the peach crayon for the skin of myself, my mother, mysister, and my brother. I’d used a brown crayon for my father. I knew I was more like thecolor of animal crackers¹⁶ and my brother and sister were more like Nutter¹⁷ Butters, whilemy father’s skin tone resembled graham crackers. But they didn’t have any cookie-coloredcrayons, so I’d had to improvise¹⁸! They were acting¹⁹ like I’d used a green crayon orsomething. I was humiliated²⁰ and confused. What had I done so wrong?
Still cackling hysterically²¹, the teachers insisted, “You used the wrong crayon!” Everytime one of them made the declaration the whole gang laughed, laughed, and laughedsome more. A debilitating²² kind of disgrace was pressing down on me, yet I managed topull myself up slowly, eyes burning and brimming with hot tears.
As calmly as I could, I told the teachers, “No. I didn’t use the wrong crayon.”
Refusing to even give me the dignity of addressing me directly, one of them said to theother snidely, “She doesn’t even know she’s using the wrong crayon!” The laughter andtaunting seemed like it would never end. I stood glaring up at them, working very hard notto vomit²³ from embarrassment. But despite my nausea²⁴, I did not break my glare.
Eventually the laughter started to subside²⁵, and one at a time they backed away fromthe picture and from me. I watched them across the room, huddled²⁶ together andwhispering. They had only ever seen one member of my family of five: my mother, whodropped me off at school each day. She was the color of the peach crayon. They had noidea and no imagination to suspect that the light toast of my skin, my bigger-than-buttonnose, and the waves and ringlets in my hair were from my father—my handsome fatherwho was the color of warm maple²⁷ syrup²⁸. His complexion²⁹ was a crayon color they didn’thave; brown was as close to right as I could get. It was the teachers who had got it allwrong. But despite their cruel and unwarranted attack, they never apologized for thepublic humiliation³⁰, for their ignorance and immaturity³¹, or for demoralizing a four-year-oldgirl during coloring time.
By the time I made it to first grade, my family of five had crumbled³² like cookies. Myparents divorced, but although they were living a short car ride away from each other,racially their neighborhoods on Long Island were worlds apart.
In first grade, I had a best friend named Becky. She was cute and sweet and looked justlike the Strawberry Shortcake cartoon to me. She had big blue eyes, smooth strawberry-blond hair that was naturally sun-kissed and hung perfectly³³ straight down like heavydrapes, and reddish freckles³⁴ sprinkled across her whipped cream–colored cheeks. In mymind, she looked like what little girls were supposed to look like. She looked like the littlegirls who were adored and protected; like the little girl my mother might’ve had with aman her mother would’ve approved of.
One Sunday, our mothers made arrangements for Becky and me to have a playdate atmy house. I was delighted because Becky and I really had fun together. When Sundayfinally arrived, my mother picked up Becky in whatever ragtag car she was driving at thetime, and we headed to my father’s house. We pulled up to the brick town house, andBecky and I hopped³⁵ out of the car. I grabbed her hand and skipped excitedly up the steps.
Curiously³⁶, my mother hung back and watched—ordinarily she would have driven off. Justas our feet hit the top of the stoop, my six-feet-two-inches-tall, dashing father emergedthrough the door with a hearty³⁷ grin. He looked like a movie star.
“Hiya, Mariah!” he called out, giving me my usual greeting. As he neared us, Beckysuddenly released my hand. Her body froze stiff and, like a bursting raincloud, sheexploded into tears. Confused, I looked to my father for help, but I could see that he wasfrozen too, and breathless, a mortified³⁸ look twisting his strong features. In a state of shock,my mind scrambled³⁹ as I tried to process the abrupt⁴⁰ and painful turn of events. Becky inhysterics, my father in silent agony: how had we gotten here in a single instant?
I didn’t know what to do. I was stuck there, unmoving, for what felt like hours but waslikely merely moments. Finally, my mother came up behind us on the stairs, to Becky’srescue. Without even a glance in my direction, she gently placed her arm around thedistraught little girl and wordlessly guided her down the stairs and into the backseat of hercar. My mother sped off with the strawberry blonde, without ever making any attempt toclarify what had happened. There was no consolation⁴¹, no mediation⁴², no acknowledgmentof the devastation⁴³ to me or my father. In the wake of Becky’s storm, my father and I stoodquietly together on the stoop and waited for the ache to pass. Nobody ever mentioned itafter that, but we never played together again, and the moment remained with me forever.
And, believe it or not, her name really was Becky.
No one ever outwardly questioned my ethnic⁴⁴ background when I was alone with mymother. They didn’t dare ask about, or else could not detect, the differences in our huesand textures⁴⁵. Becky, and most likely her mother too, had probably just assumed my fatherwas also white, or maybe something exotic—but certainly not Black. That day on thestoop I learned, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I was not like the people I went toschool with or who lived in my neighborhood. My father was totally different from them,and they were afraid of him. But he was my people; I came from him. That day, I sawfirsthand how their fear hurt him. And his hurt deeply hurt me too. But what was perhapsmost painful, that afternoon, was that he saw that I saw their fear of him. He knew itwould impact me forever. He knew I could never return to the innocence⁴⁶ all childrendeserve.

1 racism   

n.民族主义；种族歧视(意识)

参考例句：

• He said that racism is endemic in this country.他说种族主义在该国很普遍。
• Racism causes political instability and violence.种族主义道致政治动荡和暴力事件。

2 seeped   

v.（液体）渗( seep的过去式和过去分词 )；渗透；渗出；漏出

参考例句：

• The rain seeped through the roof. 雨水透过房顶渗透。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Icy air seeped in through the paper and the room became cold. 寒气透过了糊窗纸。屋里骤然冷起来。 来自汉英文学 - 家（1-26） - 家（1-26）

3 determined   

adj.坚定的；有决心的

参考例句：

• I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
• He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。

4 scent   

n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉

参考例句：

• The air was filled with the scent of lilac.空气中弥漫着丁香花的芬芳。
• The flowers give off a heady scent at night.这些花晚上散发出醉人的芳香。

5 wafted   

v.吹送，飘送，（使）浮动( waft的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The sound of their voices wafted across the lake. 他们的声音飘过湖面传到了另一边。
• A delicious smell of freshly baked bread wafted across the garden. 花园中飘过一股刚出炉面包的香味。 来自《简明英汉词典》

6 touching   

adj.动人的，使人感伤的

参考例句：

• It was a touching sight.这是一幅动人的景象。
• His letter was touching.他的信很感人。

7 instinctively   

adv.本能地

参考例句：

• As he leaned towards her she instinctively recoiled. 他向她靠近，她本能地往后缩。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He knew instinctively where he would find her. 他本能地知道在哪儿能找到她。 来自《简明英汉词典》

8 looming   

n.上现蜃景（光通过低层大气发生异常折射形成的一种海市蜃楼）v.隐约出现，阴森地逼近( loom的现在分词 )；隐约出现，阴森地逼近

参考例句：

• The foothills were looming ahead through the haze. 丘陵地带透过薄雾朦胧地出现在眼前。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Then they looked up. Looming above them was Mount Proteome. 接着他们往上看，在其上隐约看到的是蛋白质组山。 来自英汉非文学 - 生命科学 - 回顾与展望

9 stiffened   

加强的

参考例句：

• He leaned towards her and she stiffened at this invasion of her personal space. 他向她俯过身去，这种侵犯她个人空间的举动让她绷紧了身子。
• She stiffened with fear. 她吓呆了。

10 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

11 brew   

v.酿造，调制

参考例句：

• Let's brew up some more tea.咱们沏些茶吧。
• The policeman dispelled the crowd lest they should brew trouble.警察驱散人群，因恐他们酿祸。

12 embarrassment   

n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫

参考例句：

• She could have died away with embarrassment.她窘迫得要死。
• Coughing at a concert can be a real embarrassment.在音乐会上咳嗽真会使人难堪。

13 stifling   

a.令人窒息的

参考例句：

• The weather is stifling. It looks like rain. 今天太闷热，光景是要下雨。
• We were stifling in that hot room with all the windows closed. 我们在那间关着窗户的热屋子里，简直透不过气来。

14 giggles   

n.咯咯的笑( giggle的名词复数 )；傻笑；玩笑；the giggles 止不住的格格笑v.咯咯地笑( giggle的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• Her nervous giggles annoyed me. 她神经质的傻笑把我惹火了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I had to rush to the loo to avoid an attack of hysterical giggles. 我不得不冲向卫生间，以免遭到别人的疯狂嘲笑。 来自辞典例句

15 drawn   

v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的

参考例句：

• All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
• Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。

16 crackers   

adj.精神错乱的，癫狂的n.爆竹( cracker的名词复数 )；薄脆饼干；（认为）十分愉快的事；迷人的姑娘

参考例句：

• That noise is driving me crackers. 那噪声闹得我简直要疯了。
• We served some crackers and cheese as an appetiser. 我们上了些饼干和奶酪作为开胃品。 来自《简明英汉词典》

17 nutter   

n.疯子

参考例句：

• Don't call him nutter because it is such a bad term.别叫他“疯子”，这不是个好词。
• But it's awfully ruthless and cold-blooded for a nutter from the other side.但是对那边的疯子们来说，却也实在太冷血无情了。

18 improvise   

v.即兴创作；临时准备，临时凑成

参考例句：

• If an actor forgets his words，he has to improvise.演员要是忘记台词，那就只好即兴现编。
• As we've not got the proper materials,we'll just have to improvise.我们没有弄到合适的材料，只好临时凑合了。

19 acting   

n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的

参考例句：

• Ignore her,she's just acting.别理她，她只是假装的。
• During the seventies,her acting career was in eclipse.在七十年代，她的表演生涯黯然失色。

20 humiliated   

感到羞愧的

参考例句：

• Parents are humiliated if their children behave badly when guests are present. 子女在客人面前举止失当，父母也失体面。
• He was ashamed and bitterly humiliated. 他感到羞耻，丢尽了面子。

21 hysterically   

ad. 歇斯底里地

参考例句：

• The children giggled hysterically. 孩子们歇斯底里地傻笑。
• She sobbed hysterically, and her thin body was shaken. 她歇斯底里地抽泣着，她瘦弱的身体哭得直颤抖。

22 debilitating   

a.使衰弱的

参考例句：

• The debilitating disease made him too weak to work. 这个令他衰弱的病，使他弱到没有办法工作。
• You may soon leave one debilitating condition or relationship forever. 你即将永远地和这段霉运说拜拜了。

23 vomit   

v.呕吐，作呕；n.呕吐物，吐出物

参考例句：

• They gave her salty water to make her vomit.他们给她喝盐水好让她吐出来。
• She was stricken by pain and began to vomit.她感到一阵疼痛，开始呕吐起来。

24 nausea   

n.作呕，恶心；极端的憎恶(或厌恶)

参考例句：

• Early pregnancy is often accompanied by nausea.怀孕期常有恶心的现象。
• He experienced nausea after eating octopus.吃了章鱼后他感到恶心。

25 subside   

vi.平静，平息；下沉，塌陷，沉降

参考例句：

• The emotional reaction which results from a serious accident takes time to subside.严重事故所引起的情绪化的反应需要时间来平息。
• The controversies surrounding population growth are unlikely to subside soon.围绕着人口增长问题的争论看来不会很快平息。

26 huddled   

挤在一起（huddle的过去式与过去分词形式）

参考例句：

• We huddled together for warmth. 我们挤在一块取暖。
• We huddled together to keep warm. 我们挤在一起来保暖。

27 maple   

n.槭树，枫树，槭木

参考例句：

• Maple sugar is made from the sap of maple trees.枫糖是由枫树的树液制成的。
• The maple leaves are tinge with autumn red.枫叶染上了秋天的红色。

28 syrup   

n.糖浆，糖水

参考例句：

• I skimmed the foam from the boiling syrup.我撇去了煮沸糖浆上的泡沫。
• Tinned fruit usually has a lot of syrup with it.罐头水果通常都有许多糖浆。

29 complexion   

n.肤色；情况，局面；气质，性格

参考例句：

• Red does not suit with her complexion.红色与她的肤色不协调。
• Her resignation puts a different complexion on things.她一辞职局面就全变了。

30 humiliation   

n.羞辱

参考例句：

• He suffered the humiliation of being forced to ask for his cards.他蒙受了被迫要求辞职的羞辱。
• He will wish to revenge his humiliation in last Season's Final.他会为在上个季度的决赛中所受的耻辱而报复的。

31 immaturity   

n.不成熟；未充分成长；未成熟；粗糙

参考例句：

• It traces the development of a young man from immaturity to maturity. 它描写一位青年从不成熟到成熟的发展过程。 来自辞典例句
• Immaturity is the inability to use one's understanding without guidance from another. 不成熟就是不经他人的指引就无法运用自身的理解力。 来自互联网

32 crumbled   

（把…）弄碎， （使）碎成细屑( crumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 衰落； 坍塌； 损坏

参考例句：

• He crumbled the bread in his fingers. 他用手指把面包捻碎。
• Our hopes crumbled when the business went bankrupt. 商行破产了，我们的希望也破灭了。

33 perfectly   

adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
• Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。

34 freckles   

n.雀斑，斑点( freckle的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• She had a wonderful clear skin with an attractive sprinkling of freckles. 她光滑的皮肤上有几处可爱的小雀斑。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• When she lies in the sun, her face gets covered in freckles. 她躺在阳光下时，脸上布满了斑点。 来自《简明英汉词典》

35 hopped   

跳上[下]( hop的过去式和过去分词 )； 单足蹦跳； 齐足（或双足）跳行； 摘葎草花

参考例句：

• He hopped onto a car and wanted to drive to town. 他跳上汽车想开向市区。
• He hopped into a car and drove to town. 他跳进汽车，向市区开去。

36 curiously   

adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地

参考例句：

• He looked curiously at the people.他好奇地看着那些人。
• He took long stealthy strides. His hands were curiously cold.他迈着悄没声息的大步。他的双手出奇地冷。

37 hearty   

adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的

参考例句：

• After work they made a hearty meal in the worker's canteen.工作完了，他们在工人食堂饱餐了一顿。
• We accorded him a hearty welcome.我们给他热忱的欢迎。

38 mortified   

v.使受辱( mortify的过去式和过去分词 )；伤害（人的感情）；克制；抑制（肉体、情感等）

参考例句：

• She was mortified to realize he had heard every word she said. 她意识到自己的每句话都被他听到了，直羞得无地自容。
• The knowledge of future evils mortified the present felicities. 对未来苦难的了解压抑了目前的喜悦。 来自《简明英汉词典》

39 scrambled   

v.快速爬行( scramble的过去式和过去分词 )；攀登；争夺；（军事飞机）紧急起飞

参考例句：

• Each scrambled for the football at the football ground. 足球场上你争我夺。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• He scrambled awkwardly to his feet. 他笨拙地爬起身来。 来自《简明英汉词典》

40 abrupt   

adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的

参考例句：

• The river takes an abrupt bend to the west.这河突然向西转弯。
• His abrupt reply hurt our feelings.他粗鲁的回答伤了我们的感情。

41 consolation   

n.安慰，慰问

参考例句：

• The children were a great consolation to me at that time.那时孩子们成了我的莫大安慰。
• This news was of little consolation to us.这个消息对我们来说没有什么安慰。

42 mediation   

n.调解

参考例句：

• The dispute was settled by mediation of the third country. 这场争端通过第三国的斡旋而得以解决。
• The dispute was settled by mediation. 经调解使争端得以解决。

43 devastation   

n.毁坏；荒废；极度震惊或悲伤

参考例句：

• The bomb caused widespread devastation. 炸弹造成大面积破坏。
• There was devastation on every side. 到处都是破坏的创伤。 来自《简明英汉词典》

44 ethnic   

adj.人种的，种族的，异教徒的

参考例句：

• This music would sound more ethnic if you played it in steel drums.如果你用钢鼓演奏，这首乐曲将更具民族特色。
• The plan is likely only to aggravate ethnic frictions.这一方案很有可能只会加剧种族冲突。

45 textures   

n.手感( texture的名词复数 )；质感；口感；（音乐或文学的）谐和统一感

参考例句：

• I'm crazy about fabrics textures and colors and designs. 我喜欢各式各样的纺织物--对它的质地，色彩到花纹图案--简直是入了迷。 来自辞典例句
• Let me clear up the point about the textures. 让我明确了一点有关的纹理。 来自互联网

46 innocence   

n.无罪；天真；无害

参考例句：

• There was a touching air of innocence about the boy.这个男孩有一种令人感动的天真神情。
• The accused man proved his innocence of the crime.被告人经证实无罪。