While Tommy would never relinquish1 control over my life, at a certain point he did beginto make concessions2 when it came to the production of the music. He always respected meas a songwriter; he was a music man and knew good lyrics3 and melody structure.
However, not only was I outgrowing4 some of the producers he had attached to me, so wasthe music industry. I always resisted their push to make me fit in a neat mainstream5 “adultcontemporary” category. Adult contemporary was what he knew, it was what his guysknew, and I really knew it too. I could write big pop hits like “Hero.” I could writeBroadway-style tunes6. Whatever the occasion required, I could make it happen. But Iwanted to make more of my own music with a more modern sound. They kept trying tosmooth me out while I just wanted to get a little more rough. I wanted to add dynamicsand broaden my reach. And, of course, there was a racial and cultural dimension that camewith integrating hip- hop7 — it was a Black art form. Unlike jazz (which Tommyappreciated) or gospel, hip-hop was radical8, raw, and in your face. It was not designed tomake middle-aged9 white men feel cool. Hip-hop didn’t really need his kind of “hit maker”
anymore, and I think it threatened him by endangering his power. And yet he couldn’tdeny the evidence. My instincts were making hits. So he stopped fighting me so much onthe samples, artists, and producers I wanted to work with.
I knew hip- hop added exciting, young energy to almost any other sound if donecorrectly. I knew Puff10 would be the perfect producing partner for the “Fantasy Remix” Iwas dreaming about. I was so happy with what producer Dave “Jam” Hall and I had donewith the single. For the sample, I chose “Genius of Love” by the Tom Tom Club. It was aperfect fun, swinging party song, but I knew it could go to even more interesting places.
We kept the Tom Tom Club sample for the remix, even emphasizing and bringing it outfurther. Puff was pretty enthusiastic about my idea of featuring Ol’ Dirty Bastard11 from theWu-Tang Clan12—that was the real genius of love.
The suits at the “corporate morgue” weren’t crazy about O.D.B. They actually thoughthe was certifiably crazy and that I was about to throw my entire fan base into shock.
Tommy generally considered rap background noise, and had no idea that O.D.B. wasabout to bring the noise to “Fantasy.” They didn’t understand how diverse my fans were,nor did they understand the global impact of the Wu-Tang Clan (I mean “Up from the 36Chambers!”—come on!). Wu-Tang was a movement, a once-in-a-generation type ofgroup, and O.D.B. was such an extra-special member. I truly believed he would bringsomething incredible to the remix. Puff got the vision and ran with it. There were also acouple of cool A&R folks who helped me smuggle13 in one of the greatest rap features of alltime.
Of course, the session for O.D.B. was late in the evening, and after I was swooped14 upby Tommy and brought back to Sing Sing for the night. I had taken a bath, which hadbecome for me a kind of reverse baptismal ritual by which I transitioned from youngglobal recording15 artist back to caged Westchester wife. I slipped into a white silknightgown, tiptoed across the white wool carpeting of the master bedroom, and climbedinto our opulent bed, outfitted16 with 1,000 thread count white Egyptian sheets and whatseemed like a hundred white down pillows.
Tommy was already in bed in his white cotton pajamas18. His side of the bed seemed amillion miles away. The sterility19 had become routine. Suddenly the phone rang. Ianswered and started to squeal20 with excitement. Someone from the studio called to reportO.D.B. had completed his session. “Wait, wait,” I said, “let me put you on speaker.” Ipressed speakerphone for Tommy to hear:
Yo, New York in the house
Is Brooklyn in the house?
Uptown in the house
Shaolin, are you in the house?
Boogie Down, are you in the house?
Sacramento in the house
Atlanta, Georgia, are you in the house?
West Coast, are you in the house?
Japan, are you in the house?
Everybody, are you in the house?
Baby, baby come on
Baby come on, baby come on!
Wheeeeeeeeeee! I couldn’t contain myself. I may have even started jumping up anddown on the bed! Then I heard the next lines: “Me and Mariah go back like babies withpacifiers! Old Dirt Dog no liar21. Keeping fantasy hot like fire!”
That was IT! Ol’ Dirty Bastard spit crazy brilliance22 and scorched23 our pristine24 whitebedroom with the grime and righteous fun I’d been craving25! It kept going, and all hiscrazy ad-libs sent me into euphoric giggles26. I reveled in it. I was just screaming andlaughing and whooping27. But then I looked over at Tommy. His head was cocked to theside with a look of confusion he couldn’t contain.
“The fuck is that?” he blurted28. “I can do that. Get the fuck outta here with that.” Thereit was. That was what he had to say about one of the most unique, amazing things I hadever heard! I think he was in shock, or maybe he did think he could do it and that all of uswere nuts. It was as if the Starship Enterprise had beamed me into another galaxy29, far, faraway from Tommy. Music was our only true bond, and now we were light-years apart.
Now, I was crazy about “Fantasy Remix.” It was one of the first of my songs that Iplayed over and over before it was out on the radio. I’d play it on the ride back to Bedford(I’m sure Tommy loved that). It felt like all the fun I had missed out on in my childhood. Itmade me feel happy. O.D.B.’s energy was something everyone could relate to—he wasyour loving, fun-ass uncle who gets drunk at all the festivities, at Christmas dinner, thecookout, Thanksgiving. O.D.B. and Puff just really helped me create something enduringthat all kinds of people connected to. That remix gave us lines and feelings we would useforever. He even brought back Donny and Marie Osmond with “I’m a little bit country,I’m a little bit rock ’n’ roll!” Like what made him bust31 out and sing that? Genius. Andnow when I’m singing it onstage and we have his vocals32, it sounds like he’s saying “I’m alittle bit Roc and Roe”—that always gets me.
Making the “Fantasy” video was really important to me too. I wanted it to feel fun andcarefree. In my opinion (which was so rarely considered) almost all of my videos weren’tright. Tommy never allowed me to work with the directors I wanted, the hot ones at thetime, like Herb Ritts, or the cool fashion stylists, who would bring an edge to my look;these were creative people he couldn’t completely control. His package for me was somainstream, but this one, there was no homogenizing this one. Necessity is the mother ofinvention, right? So, since I couldn’t have a director I wanted to work with, I decided33 todirect the video myself. It was a simple concept: young, fun, and free. It was shot onlocation at Westchester’s Playland Park in Rye, New York. Everyone can relate to the joyand abandon of an amusement park, the feeling of throwing your hands up in the air on theroller coaster. That’s the pure fun I wanted to capture. Simple elements, like roller-bladingcute kids, bright colors, cutoff shorts, and a clown. There was a night dance sequence witha crew of fresh B-boys and that was pretty much it. That was the pop version. For theremix video, I wanted O.D.B. to do for the video what he had done on the song: bring azany, grimy element to it.
The day of O.D.B.’s shoot was overcast34, and we had one simple setup for him on theboardwalk. I went into his dressing35 room for our first face-to-face meeting bearing a gift—a silver flask36 engraved37 with his initials. We talked over the concept—which, again, waspretty simple, because I didn’t want anything to overshadow his performance (as if it werepossible for anything to upstage O.D.B.). I told him about the idea of tying the clown upon the pole and really featuring his grills38. He was down with all the action, but he hadsome kind of problem with his wardrobe and wanted a wig39.
“I want a wig,” he kept saying, “like one of them mothafuckas from the sixties. LikeAl Green. I’m like this generation’s Al Green.”
“Oooooh, I don’t know about Al Gweeeeen, but you definitely are somethingincredible,” I respectfully responded. He was already in his full-blown drunk uncle mode.
I had to send the stylist out to the mall with him so he could get exactly what he wasenvisioning. Mind you, we were in Westchester (it was my video, but I was still inTommy’s territory).
When they returned, after an hour or two, the stylist was a wreck41. Apparently42, O.D.B.
was singing and shouting and “woahhhhhhhing” and drankin’ all through the mall! But hislook was perfect, the elongated43 and baggy44 proportions were just right for his dancing andweird, wonderful movements. He used his sleeves and his hood30 as props45. It was spot on.
And the scene where he’s bare-chested in the straight mushroom wig, with the pointyshades—he was giving a little more Ike Turner than Al Green, but whatever it was, it wasunforgettable! His performance was all him, and it was perfect. I know O.D.B. had somereal trouble on his soul, but he brought nothing but joy to the remix, to the video, and tomy world.
R.I.P. O.D.B.
“Fantasy” was a big record. It was the first single to debut46 at number one on the BillboardHot 100 in history by a female artist and the second artist to ever do it (the first wasMichael Jackson with “You’re Not Alone”). It held the top spot for eight consecutiveweeks and remained on the charts for a total of twenty-three weeks. It was my ninthnumber-one single. Even the critics liked “Fantasy” and the remix (some really liked it)—the entire Daydream48 album did amazingly well: certified49 diamond. As an album it hadsome really special enduring singles, like “Always Be My Baby” and, of course, “OneSweet Day,” whose lyrics and music I cowrote with Boyz II Men, inspired by the passingof my incredible friend and collaborator50 David Cole and their tour manager, both of whomdied too soon. “One Sweet Day” was the longest running number-one single in Americanhistory for twenty-three years.
I was set to perform “Fantasy” and do some other bits at the twenty-third annualAmerican Music Awards, where I was nominated in several categories. It was a big nightfor me, but winning the best female pop artist and best female R & B artist awards was notthe most memorable51 moment for me.
When I wasn’t onstage or waiting in the wings I sat in the front row next to Tommy.
We were both outfitted in couture tension (the cover shoot of Daydream by photographerSteven Meisel, who was arguably the most prominent in the fashion industry at the time,set the look of the chic52 black- is- the- new- black style for the tone of the album’spromotion). Ironically, my outfit17 for this performance was giving you pseudo “MilitantMariah” vibes, with black leather pants, a black leather trench53 coat, and a black turtleneck(I’m sure Tommy liked it because the only skin exposed was my face). Maybe it was apremonition of what was ahead.
Because I had more than just the “Fantasy” performance to do that night, I had a trailerbehind the Shrine54 Auditorium55 for wardrobe changes and such. I was returning to the trailerto get into another ensemble56. Security was everywhere, so I didn’t need to be followed forthe short walk to where all the artists’ trailers were parked behind the theater.
As I stepped out in a complete rush to get back to the stage, I noticed a white Rolls-Royce quietly, slowly approaching. Just as my toes touched the asphalt, the gleamingelegant vehicle came to a gentle stop right in front of my door. It was as if time itself hadslowed to a stop. The tinted57 passenger window glided58 down.
He was alone, leaning back in the driver’s seat, so that the arm that gripped the leathersteering wheel was nearly straight. He propped59 his head back just enough that hisluxurious eyelashes didn’t cast a shadow and obscure his alert and amazing dark eyes thatlooked into mine.
“Hey, Mariah,” he said softly, my name pouring out of his lips like smoke. Then thatspectacular smile burst through everything. In an instant, the window went back up, andTupac rolled away.
Had it not been for a production assistant or someone calling me back to the stage,back to earth, I may have stayed there stunned60 for hours. I did my bit onstage and returnedto my stiff seat next to Tommy. My heart fluttered nervously61, but he didn’t know. No oneknew. I’d just had Tupac Shakur’s eyez all on me.
Though I was recording Daydream, parts of my life were still quite a nightmare. I waswriting and singing upbeat songs like “Always Be My Baby,” and sweeping62 ballads63 like“One Sweet Day.” I was totally inspired by the creative risk we took in collaborating64 withO.D.B. on the “Fantasy” remix. I was exploring my musical range, but I was also filledwith rage. It’s always been a challenge for me to acknowledge and express anger. Mypersonal life was suffocating65 during Daydream, and I was in desperate need of a release.
Music and humor have been my two great releases—they have been how I survived allthe anguish66 in my life. So while I had a full band and studio time at the Hit Factory forthat album, I created an alter-ego artist and her Ziggy Stardust–like spoof67 band. Mycharacter was a dark-haired brooding Goth girl (a version of her, Bianca, showed up a fewyears later in the “Heartbreaker” video) who wrote and sang ridiculous tortured songs. Atthe end of each session I would go off to a corner and, without over-thinking it, quicklyscribble down some lyrics. In five minutes I’d have a song:
I am!
vinegar and water
I am!
Someone’s ugly daughter
I am wading68 in the water
And I ammm!
Like an open blister69
I am!
Jack47 The Ripper’s Sister
I am!
Just a lonely drifter
I’d bring my little alt-rock song to the band and hum a silly guitar riff. They would pick itup and we would record it immediately. It was irreverent, raw, and urgent, and the bandgot into it. I actually started to love some of the songs. I would fully40 commit to mycharacter. I was playing with the style of the breezy-grunge, punk-light white femalesingers who were popular at the time. You know the ones who seemed to be so carefreewith their feelings and their image. They could be angry, angsty, and messy, with oldshoes, wrinkled slips, and unruly eyebrows70, while every move I made was so calculatedand manicured. I wanted to break free, let loose, and express my misery—but I alsowanted to laugh.
I totally looked forward to doing my alter-ego band sessions after Daydream eachnight. Tommy was off in Italy a lot at the time, so I had a little space and air to do thisbizarre, fun thing that was just for me. The band loved it, and we ended up with analbum’s worth of songs, which we mixed and everything. My jokey “anger release”
project ended up being a weirdly71 good satirical, underground, alternative rock thing. WhenTommy and some of the other label folks heard it, they couldn’t believe we had done allthat while recording Daydream. I even got the art department at the label to design a coverI had conceptualized. I wrote the title with pink lipstick72 over a Polaroid picture Tommyhad taken of a giant dead cockroach73 in Italy. I told them to add a smashed-up eye shadowmakeup palette. They laid it out, and it was perfectly74 grungy and cheeky. I got a lot ofpersonal satisfaction out of making that “alternative” album. I made the sarcastic75 hardcorehead-banging record no one was ever going to allow me to make. My assistant and I usedto blast it in the car riding up the back streets of Westchester, singing at the top of ourlungs, giving me a brief moment to be outwardly angry, irreverent, and free.
There was a song on the album called “Crave76” (that I eventually renamed“Demented”). Tommy knew I had a talent for recognizing talent, so he created a boutiquerecord label for me that I named Crave, inspired by the song.
The first act on the Crave label was a hip-hop group called the Negro League (theyhave cameos in “The Roof” video). They named themselves after famed Black baseballplayers like Satchel77 Paige and Cool Papa Bell, who’d had to form their own leaguebecause of segregation78. They were young, fun, and all of them were fine. I just lovedrolling into a party with them—they would chant “NEGROES! NEGROES!” Nothingambiguous about that, dahling.
Later, when it became clear to Tommy that the marriage was not going to make it,Crave quickly became defunct79, and the alt album conveniently disappeared. There wasone small, sweet residual80 benefit from Crave and the Negro League. I cast one of myfriends from the group as my shirtless, motorcycle- riding, lip- licking love interest inJermaine’s “Sweetheart” video. I called him “Flask” (which was close to his name)because he was so nervous on the flight over to Bilbao, Spain, that he drank and gotsmashed. But his hangover played well on film, emphasizing his already dreamy eyes. Hewas my sweetheart for a very short time right after a very tough breakup, which I’ll get tosoon enough. He was fun, fine, and just the thing to lick my wounds.
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收听单词发音
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1
relinquish
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| v.放弃，撤回，让与，放手 | |
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concessions
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| n.（尤指由政府或雇主给予的）特许权( concession的名词复数 )；承认；减价；（在某地的）特许经营权 | |
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lyrics
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| n.歌词 | |
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outgrowing
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| 长[发展] 得超过（某物）的范围( outgrow的现在分词 )； 长[发展]得不能再要（某物）； 长得比…快； 生长速度超过 | |
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mainstream
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| n.（思想或行为的）主流；adj.主流的 | |
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tunes
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| n.曲调，曲子( tune的名词复数 )v.调音( tune的第三人称单数 )；调整；（给收音机、电视等）调谐；使协调 | |
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hop
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| n.单脚跳，跳跃；vi.单脚跳，跳跃；着手做某事；vt.跳跃，跃过 | |
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radical
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| n.激进份子，原子团，根号；adj.根本的，激进的，彻底的 | |
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middle-aged
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| adj.中年的 | |
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puff
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| n.一口(气)；一阵(风)；v.喷气，喘气 | |
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bastard
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| n.坏蛋，混蛋；私生子 | |
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clan
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| n.氏族，部落，宗族，家族，宗派 | |
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smuggle
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| vt.私运；vi.走私 | |
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swooped
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| 俯冲，猛冲( swoop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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recording
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| n.录音，记录 | |
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outfitted
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| v.装备，配置设备，供给服装( outfit的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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outfit
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| n.（为特殊用途的）全套装备，全套服装 | |
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pajamas
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| n.睡衣裤 | |
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sterility
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| n.不生育，不结果，贫瘠，消毒，无菌 | |
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squeal
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| v.发出长而尖的声音；n.长而尖的声音 | |
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liar
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| n.说谎的人 | |
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brilliance
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| n.光辉，辉煌，壮丽，（卓越的）才华，才智 | |
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scorched
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| 烧焦，烤焦( scorch的过去式和过去分词 )； 使（植物）枯萎，把…晒枯； 高速行驶； 枯焦 | |
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pristine
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| adj.原来的，古时的，原始的，纯净的，无垢的 | |
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craving
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| n.渴望,热望 | |
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giggles
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| n.咯咯的笑( giggle的名词复数 )；傻笑；玩笑；the giggles 止不住的格格笑v.咯咯地笑( giggle的第三人称单数 ) | |
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whooping
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| 发嗬嗬声的，发咳声的 | |
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blurted
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| v.突然说出，脱口而出( blurt的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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galaxy
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| n.星系；银河系；一群(杰出或著名的人物) | |
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hood
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| n.头巾，兜帽，覆盖；v.罩上，以头巾覆盖 | |
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bust
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| vt.打破；vi.爆裂；n.半身像；胸部 | |
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vocals
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| （乐曲中的）歌唱部份，声乐部份( vocal的名词复数 ) | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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overcast
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| adj.阴天的，阴暗的，愁闷的；v.遮盖，（使）变暗，包边缝；n.覆盖，阴天 | |
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dressing
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| n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料 | |
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flask
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| n.瓶，火药筒，砂箱 | |
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engraved
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| v.在（硬物）上雕刻（字，画等）( engrave的过去式和过去分词 )；将某事物深深印在（记忆或头脑中） | |
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grills
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| n.烤架( grill的名词复数 )；（一盘）烤肉；格板；烧烤餐馆v.烧烤( grill的第三人称单数 )；拷问，盘问 | |
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wig
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| n.假发 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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wreck
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| n.失事，遇难；沉船；vt.(船等)失事，遇难 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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elongated
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| v.延长，加长( elongate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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baggy
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| adj.膨胀如袋的，宽松下垂的 | |
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45
props
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| 小道具； 支柱( prop的名词复数 )； 支持者； 道具； （橄榄球中的）支柱前锋 | |
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debut
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| n.首次演出，初次露面 | |
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jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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daydream
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| v.做白日梦，幻想 | |
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certified
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| a.经证明合格的；具有证明文件的 | |
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collaborator
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| n.合作者，协作者 | |
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memorable
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| adj.值得回忆的，难忘的，特别的，显著的 | |
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52
chic
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| n./adj.别致(的)，时髦(的)，讲究的 | |
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53
trench
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| n./v.(挖)沟，(挖)战壕 | |
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shrine
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| n.圣地，神龛，庙；v.将...置于神龛内，把...奉为神圣 | |
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auditorium
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| n.观众席，听众席；会堂，礼堂 | |
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ensemble
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| n.合奏(唱)组；全套服装；整体，总效果 | |
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tinted
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| adj. 带色彩的 动词tint的过去式和过去分词 | |
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glided
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| v.滑动( glide的过去式和过去分词 )；掠过；（鸟或飞机 ） 滑翔 | |
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propped
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| 支撑，支持，维持( prop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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stunned
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| adj. 震惊的，惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词 | |
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nervously
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| adv.神情激动地，不安地 | |
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sweeping
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| adj.范围广大的，一扫无遗的 | |
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ballads
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| 民歌，民谣，特别指叙述故事的歌( ballad的名词复数 )； 讴 | |
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collaborating
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| 合作( collaborate的现在分词 )； 勾结叛国 | |
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suffocating
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| a.使人窒息的 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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spoof
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| n.诳骗，愚弄，戏弄 | |
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wading
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| （从水、泥等）蹚，走过，跋( wade的现在分词 ) | |
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blister
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| n.水疱；(油漆等的)气泡；v.(使)起泡 | |
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eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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weirdly
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| 古怪地 | |
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lipstick
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| n.口红，唇膏 | |
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cockroach
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| n.蟑螂 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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sarcastic
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| adj.讥讽的，讽刺的，嘲弄的 | |
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crave
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| vt.渴望得到，迫切需要，恳求，请求 | |
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satchel
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| n.(皮或帆布的)书包 | |
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segregation
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| n.隔离，种族隔离 | |
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defunct
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| adj.死亡的；已倒闭的 | |
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residual
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| adj.复播复映追加时间；存留下来的，剩余的 | |
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