Of my soul, when mine eyes, lifted to seek
The bounding deer, have met thy secret gaze,
Mighty1 king, fairest among thy thousands!”
The interview described in the concluding pages of our last chapter, re-established, though certainly on very mistaken grounds, a kind of confidence between our hero and her who had ever been the darling of his childhood; banishing2 the momentary4 estrangement5 to which the first birth of a still fonder attachment6 had given rise.
[24]
It seemed to be now understood on both sides that they were to be quite brother and sister; and, accordingly, under the pleasing illusion, Edmund henceforward paid and Julia received every devotion that a growing and blinding passion could suggest, except open declaration: yet did confessions8 pass from heart to heart every time their eyes met, while their understandings pretended to know nothing about the matter; for each of them took care not to ask themselves any questions on the subject as long as they felt so perfectly10 happy as they now did in each other’s society. Even the attentions of Lord Borrowdale soon almost ceased to pain Edmund: he could distinctly see that they were, at least, indifferent, if not annoying to Julia; and, though he did not dare to ask himself why, the conviction was a source of infinite joy to him!
[25]
The gay mornings of the regatta, dinner company every day, and dancing every evening continued for some time, while the very public attentions of his said lordship towards our heroine; and the jest, or, as it is technically11 phrased, the quiz about our hero and Lady Susan, tended to blind every one to the growth of the deep rooted attachment which was thus hourly possessing itself of every feeling and faculty12 of heart and of soul in Julia and in Edmund. Yet still were they brother and sister; and, in their own opinion, behaving with the greatest prudence13; for love was not once mentioned by Edmund, and, as to Julia, she never even thought of it, she only felt it!
“How good, how amiable14 it is of Julia,” thought Edmund, “to be so kind to a friendless stranger!”
“Who could be unkind to Edmund!”[26] thought Julia. “The gentleness of his manners win upon one so; the expression of his countenance15 is so interesting; his very smile is so nearly allied16 to melancholy17 that any one, with the least feeling, must dread18 the idea of causing him a moment’s pain.”
He, for his part, could not long deceive himself as to the nature of his own sentiments; but he thought there was no harm in cherishing them, while he could flatter himself that because he was not declaring he was concealing19 them. Or, had he thought otherwise, the temptation was, perhaps, too strong to be resisted.
He could not be blind to the pleasure with which Julia received every little mark of silent attention from him, and the blissful sensation which glowed within his breast at such moments was not to be foregone at the faint[27] instigations of a judgment21 bewildered by the influence of an absorbing passion. Yet he certainly fancied, that it was only his own futurity he was sacrificing for a dream of present felicity. Whatever he sometimes felt Julia’s feelings to be, he undoubtedly23 always thought them the generous friendship she had promised him should ever be his; and he thus reasoned with himself, that, as she had distinctly permitted him to feel and declare a brother’s affection for her, it was to be expected, that she would receive with complacency those unpretending marks of regard which belong peculiarly to friendship. And, as Frances was often even more openly kind in her manner to him, all was, of course, as it should be. As to himself—it was no matter about himself! he even felt a kind of satisfaction in thinking, that when he could no[28] longer enjoy the delirium24 of happiness under the dominion25 of which he now existed—when the hour of separation must come—why, then his misery26 should be as wild, as unlimited27 as his felicity was now! still would he watch for the dangerous smile, and when its light began to dawn on the features of Julia, he would have opened his heart to its intoxicating28 influence, had instantaneous death been the immediate29 and foreseen consequence. She often observed a shade of melancholy on the brow of Edmund, but she also observed that it gave way to sunny joy when a look, a word, or a smile of hers was directed towards him. To possess the power of giving happiness in a manner so easy and so innocent, to one for whom she did not deny that she had, all her life, had a very tender sisterly affection; to possess such a power and not to use it was[29] not in the affectionate nature of Julia. She did exert it every day, every hour, and when she saw Edmund’s countenance light up with a beam caught from her smile, she felt a degree of pleasure that sometimes startled her; but she never ventured to ask herself whether or not all this was to lead to any ultimate results. Sometimes indeed, she recollected30, with a sensation of panic, that Edmund must again leave Lodore House, must again return to the sea, to hardships, to dangers; and then she would strive to banish3 the scaring thoughts that crowded in upon her, but the next time she addressed Edmund, there would be a tenderness in the accents of her voice, a something indefinable in the expression of her eyes, that would shake his whole soul to its foundation, bewilder his every thought, undo22 his every resolve, and place him, passive as it[30] were, in the hands of a fate, at once too overwhelming and too delightful31 to be resisted.
Meanwhile, the whirl of gaiety, the noise of merriment, was still going on around them. Frances was the ringleader of the quizzers of Lady Susan, and her ladyship evidently liked being quizzed, so that Frances did not think mercy necessary. The subject did not amuse Julia near so much as it did her sister, but then, Julia was always of a graver cast. As for Edmund, he considered the whole business so complete a jest, that he took it very good humouredly, and received Lady Susan’s attentions with great politeness. He even found it necessary, not unfrequently, to dance with her ladyship, or hand her in or out of a room, a carriage, or a boat, when he saw that she had actually been left for him. Sometimes too, he coloured and looked, involuntarily, towards[31] Julia, when pert young ladies told him, that they looked upon him as no better than a married man! He coloured too, and more deeply, when men told him that, faith, he might make his fortune if he were not the most egregious32 blockhead in existence. That Lady Susan had fifty thousand pounds, was one of the best connexions in the kingdom, and a very pretty young woman beside, a thing scarcely to be looked for where so many other advantages were combined. Even Mrs. Montgomery and Mr. Jackson, agreed together, but privately33, that Edmund was fortunate in the probability there was of his making so desirable a match.
They determined34 that it was best to let matters take their course, and not to say anything about it to Edmund. They also agreed that the subject was much too delicate to be mentioned to either Lord or Lady Arandale, who[32] must themselves see what was going on. Lord and Lady Arandale, however, saw only that their daughter flirted35 a little, (a thing they were very well accustomed to see,) for the quizzing, which was the chief part of the business, was, of course, kept within decorous bounds in their presence. Julia, when the subject was long dwelt upon by others, sometimes felt not quite comfortable, (without, however, asking herself why,) and this uneasiness, slight as it was, vanished the moment she met the eye of Edmund, or that he spoke36 to her, on the most indifferent topic.
But to return to Mrs. Montgomery and Mr. Jackson, they were so extravagantly37 partial to Edmund themselves, and had for so many years strengthened each other in the belief that there was no doubt of his being the son of a noble family; no doubt, in short, of the truth of the statements in the nurse’s letter; that they did[33] not see the impropriety of a match between him and Lady Susan in the glaring light in which it would have been viewed by most others. They thought their inward conviction that his birth was equal to her ladyship’s, when joined with his own great merit, his amiability38 in private, and high standing9 character in public life, quite sufficient to outweigh39 the trifling40 circumstances of their never having been able to discover, exactly, who he was; and of his having no property but his captain’s pay, and his fifteen thousand pounds prize-money. What Mrs. Montgomery might have thought of all this, had the subject been brought nearer home by the knowledge that it was to Julia Edmund was attached, it is hard to say; for the best of us can seldom judge impartially41 when we ourselves, or those we love, are concerned. There are few mothers who do not expect their sons[34] to marry such women as, were they their daughters, they would not give to such men as their sons. But Mrs. Montgomery was spared all alarm respecting the intimacy42 between her grand-daughters and adopted son, by Edmund’s supposed sudden admiration43 of Lady Susan, commencing on the very evening of his arrival; and the fuss, as we before observed, which every one had since made, about their mutual44 attachment.
There was also another blind to Mrs. Montgomery’s penetration45, in the marked and troublesome attentions of Henry to his cousin Julia, beside whom he was generally to be seen, while Edmund, by the contrivance of others, was dancing with or handing about Lady Susan. Mrs. Montgomery, in short, was very uneasy about it, and even lectured her nephew on the subject: for she knew how disagreeable[35] such a thing would be to Lord L?. Lord Borrowdale, too, who would have been a perfectly eligible46 match, was equally marked in his attentions; yet it was impossible to say, which Julia preferred: she generally smiled and looked happy, and this was all that could be ascertained47. The lovers the while, strange to say, had taken no alarm, if we except Edmund’s first day or two of endless fears; since which, a tacit, and, to themselves, unacknowledged conviction of each other’s affection, had grown up in the heart of each, keeping peace within in spite of all outward occurrences. The miseries48 of doubt, the tortures of alternate hopes and fears, were, alas49! reserved for a future stage of their attachment.
Edmund, indeed, was a little disturbed, one day, by Mrs. Montgomery’s asking him, which he thought Julia received with most favour, the[36] attentions of Lord Borrowdale, or those of her cousin: adding, how much she disapproved50 of Henry’s conduct in the business; and requesting that Edmund, when they returned on board, would give him leave of absence as seldom as possible. “For,” continued the old lady, “I have heard many sensible people say, that the sympathy which cousins naturally feel towards each other as relatives, is very apt to become love, (or, what is just as mischievous51 in its consequences, to be mistaken for it,) if young persons are allowed to be too much together. Now Lord Borrowdale, though a match of which her father would perfectly approve, is not, you know, near so handsome as Henry; who certainly has,” she added, with a sigh, “a great look of poor Maria.” She next adverted52, but slightly, (having determined not to discuss the point at[37] present,) to Edmund’s own prospects53 with respect to Lady Susan. He had either fallen into a reverie, or he thought the subject too ridiculous to be treated seriously; for he merely said, with an air of great indifference54, and in reply to more than one hitherto unanswered observation of Mrs. Montgomery’s, “Oh, ma’am, that, you know, can never be any thing but a jest.” Immediately after, however, changing his manner, he broke forth55 into an energetic, and almost passionate56 speech on the impossibility of one situated57 as he was, one who had no home, no country, no kindred; who knew not to what rank in society he belonged; who had not even a name, but by courtesy, and who, therefore, could not bestow58 one; ever thinking of marrying any being, however dearly, however fondly cherished their idea might be to the latest moment of existence!
[38]
All this was said with much feeling; for Julia was in every thought; while Mrs. Montgomery heard in it no denial of his attachment to Lady Susan; but, on the contrary, an implied confession7 of how much he regretted the obstacles which stood in the way of their union. She was beginning to say something, intended to raise her desponding favourite a little, in his own opinion, when the conversation was interrupted by the entrance of Lord Borrowdale.
Edmund left the room half awakened59 from his dream of bliss20; and, therefore, far from happy. The uneasy feeling, however, lasted but till he had found Julia; met her eye, and seen her smile; and then vanished with a celerity, which none can understand but those who have felt the powerful, internal evidence, a look can convey.
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1
mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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2
banishing
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| v.放逐，驱逐( banish的现在分词 ) | |
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banish
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| vt.放逐，驱逐；消除，排除 | |
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momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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5
estrangement
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| n.疏远，失和，不和 | |
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6
attachment
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| n.附属物，附件；依恋；依附 | |
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7
confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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8
confessions
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| n.承认( confession的名词复数 )；自首；声明；（向神父的）忏悔 | |
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9
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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10
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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11
technically
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| adv.专门地，技术上地 | |
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12
faculty
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| n.才能；学院，系；(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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13
prudence
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| n.谨慎，精明，节俭 | |
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14
amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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15
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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16
allied
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| adj.协约国的；同盟国的 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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18
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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19
concealing
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，遮住( conceal的现在分词 ) | |
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20
bliss
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| n.狂喜，福佑，天赐的福 | |
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21
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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22
undo
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| vt.解开，松开；取消，撤销 | |
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23
undoubtedly
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| adv.确实地，无疑地 | |
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24
delirium
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| n. 神智昏迷,说胡话;极度兴奋 | |
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dominion
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| n.统治，管辖，支配权；领土，版图 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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unlimited
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| adj.无限的，不受控制的，无条件的 | |
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28
intoxicating
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| a. 醉人的,使人兴奋的 | |
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29
immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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recollected
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| adj.冷静的；镇定的；被回忆起的；沉思默想的v.记起，想起( recollect的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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31
delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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32
egregious
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| adj.非常的，过分的 | |
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privately
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| adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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flirted
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| v.调情，打情骂俏( flirt的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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37
extravagantly
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| adv.挥霍无度地 | |
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38
amiability
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| n.和蔼可亲的，亲切的，友善的 | |
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outweigh
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| vt.比...更重，...更重要 | |
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40
trifling
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| adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的 | |
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41
impartially
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| adv.公平地，无私地 | |
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42
intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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43
admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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penetration
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| n.穿透，穿人，渗透 | |
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46
eligible
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| adj.有条件被选中的；(尤指婚姻等)合适(意)的 | |
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ascertained
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| v.弄清，确定，查明( ascertain的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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48
miseries
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| n.痛苦( misery的名词复数 )；痛苦的事；穷困；常发牢骚的人 | |
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49
alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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50
disapproved
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| v.不赞成( disapprove的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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51
mischievous
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| adj.调皮的，恶作剧的，有害的，伤人的 | |
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52
adverted
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| 引起注意（advert的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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53
prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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54
indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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55
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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56
passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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57
situated
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| adj.坐落在...的，处于某种境地的 | |
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58
bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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59
awakened
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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