Part 4 Chapter 11 Extracted from the Diary of the Rev. James

December 7th.— I have made up my mind to leave this place, to bury myself again in the bush, I suppose, and await extinction¹. I try to think that the reason for this determination is the frightful² condition of misery³ existing among the prisoners; that because I am daily horrified⁴ and sickened by scenes of torture and infamy⁵, I decide to go away; that, feeling myself powerless to save others, I wish to spare myself. But in this journal, in which I bind⁶ myself to write nothing but truth, I am forced to confess that these are not the reasons. I will write the reason plainly: “I covet⁷ my neighbour’s wife.” It does not look well thus written. It looks hideous⁸. In my own breast I find numberless excuses for my passion. I said to myself, “My neighbour does not love his wife, and her unloved life is misery. She is forced to live in the frightful seclusion⁹ of this accursed island, and she is dying for want of companionship. She feels that I understand and appreciate her, that I could love her as she deserves, that I could render her happy. I feel that I have met the only woman who has power to touch my heart, to hold me back from the ruin into which I am about to plunge¹⁰, to make me useful to my fellows — a man, and not a drunkard.” Whispering these conclusions to myself, I am urged to brave public opinion, and make two lives happy. I say to myself, or rather my desires say to me —“What sin is there in this? Adultery? No; for a marriage without love is the coarsest of all adulteries. What tie binds¹¹ a man and woman together — that formula of license¹² pronounced by the priest, which the law has recognized as a ‘legal bond’? Surely not this only, for marriage is but a partnership¹³ — a contract of mutual¹⁴ fidelity¹⁵ — and in all contracts the violation¹⁶ of the terms of the agreement by one of the contracting persons absolves¹⁷ the other. Mrs. Frere is then absolved¹⁸, by her husband’s act. I cannot but think so. But is she willing to risk the shame of divorce or legal offence? Perhaps. Is she fitted by temperament¹⁹ to bear such a burden of contumely as must needs fall upon her? Will she not feel disgust at the man who entrapped²⁰ her into shame? Do not the comforts which surround her compensate²¹ for the lack of affections?” And so the torturing catechism continues, until I am driven mad with doubt, love, and despair.

Of course I am wrong; of course I outrage²² my character as a priest; of course I endanger — according to the creed²³ I teach — my soul and hers. But priests, unluckily, have hearts and passions as well as other men. Thank God, as yet, I have never expressed my madness in words. What a fate is mine! When I am in her presence I am in torment²⁴; when I am absent from her my imagination pictures her surrounded by a thousand graces that are not hers, but belong to all the women of my dreams — to Helen, to Juliet, to Rosalind. Fools that we are of our own senses! When I think of her I blush; when I hear her name my heart leaps, and I grow pale. Love! What is the love of two pure souls, scarce conscious of the Paradise into which they have fallen, to this maddening delirium²⁵? I can understand the poison of Circe’s cup; it is the sweet-torment of a forbidden love like mine! Away gross materialism²⁶, in which I have so long schooled myself! I, who laughed at passion as the outcome of temperament and easy living — I, who thought in my intellect, to sound all the depths and shoals of human feeling — I, who analysed my own soul — scoffed²⁷ at my own yearnings for an immortality²⁸ — am forced to deify the senseless power of my creed, and believe in God, that I may pray to Him. I know now why men reject the cold impersonality²⁹ that reason tells us rules the world — it is because they love. To die, and be no more; to die, and rendered into dust, be blown about the earth; to die and leave our love defenceless and forlorn, till the bright soul that smiled to ours is smothered³⁰ in the earth that made it! No! To love is life eternal. God, I believe in Thee! Aid me! Pity me! Sinful wretch³¹ that I am, to have denied Thee! See me on my knees before Thee! Pity me, or let me die!

December 9th.— I have been visiting the two condemned³² prisoners, Dawes and Bland³³, and praying with them. O Lord, let me save one soul that may plead with Thee for mine! Let me draw one being alive out of this pit! I weep — I weary Thee with my prayers, O Lord! Look down upon me. Grant me a sign. Thou didst it in old times to men who were not more fervent³⁴ in their supplications than am I. So says Thy Book. Thy Book which I believe — which I believe. Grant me a sign — one little sign, O Lord!— I will not see her. I have sworn it. Thou knowest my grief — my agony — my despair. Thou knowest why I love her. Thou knowest how I strive to make her hate me. Is that not a sacrifice? I am so lonely — a lonely man, with but one creature that he loves — yet, what is mortal love to Thee? Cruel and implacable, Thou sittest in the heavens men have built for Thee, and scornest them! Will not all the burnings and slaughters³⁵ of the saints appease³⁶ Thee? Art Thou not sated with blood and tears, O God of vengeance³⁷, of wrath³⁸, and of despair! Kind Christ, pity me. Thou wilt³⁹ — for Thou wast human! Blessed Saviour⁴⁰, at whose feet knelt the Magdalen! Divinity, who, most divine in Thy despair, called on Thy cruel God to save Thee — by the memory of that moment when Thou didst deem Thyself forsaken⁴² — forsake⁴¹ not me! Sweet Christ, have mercy on Thy sinful servant.

I can write no more. I will pray to Thee with my lips. I will shriek⁴³ my supplications to Thee. I will call upon Thee so loud that all the world shall hear me, and wonder at Thy silence — unjust and unmerciful God!

December 14th.— What blasphemies⁴⁴ are these which I have uttered in my despair? Horrible madness that has left me prostrate⁴⁵, to what heights of frenzy⁴⁶ didst thou not drive my soul! Like him of old time, who wandered among the tombs, shrieking⁴⁷ and tearing himself, I have been possessed⁴⁸ by a devil. For a week I have been unconscious of aught save torture. I have gone about my daily duties as one who in his dreams repeats the accustomed action of the day, and knows it not. Men have looked at me strangely. They look at me strangely now. Can it be that my disease of drunkenness has become the disease of insanity⁴⁹? Am I mad, or do I but verge⁵⁰ on madness? O Lord, whom in my agonies I have confessed, leave me my intellect — let me not become a drivelling spectacle for the curious to point at or to pity! At least, in mercy, spare me a little. Let not my punishment overtake me here. Let her memories of me be clouded with a sense of my rudeness or my brutality⁵¹; let me for ever seem to her the ungrateful ruffian I strive to show myself — but let her not behold⁵² me — that!

1 extinction   

n.熄灭，消亡，消灭，灭绝，绝种

参考例句：

• The plant is now in danger of extinction.这种植物现在有绝种的危险。
• The island's way of life is doomed to extinction.这个岛上的生活方式注定要消失。

2 frightful   

adj.可怕的；讨厌的

参考例句：

• How frightful to have a husband who snores!有一个发鼾声的丈夫多讨厌啊！
• We're having frightful weather these days.这几天天气坏极了。

3 misery   

n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦

参考例句：

• Business depression usually causes misery among the working class.商业不景气常使工薪阶层受苦。
• He has rescued me from the mire of misery.他把我从苦海里救了出来。

4 horrified   

a.(表现出)恐惧的

参考例句：

• The whole country was horrified by the killings. 全国都对这些凶杀案感到大为震惊。
• We were horrified at the conditions prevailing in local prisons. 地方监狱的普遍状况让我们震惊。

5 infamy   

n.声名狼藉，出丑，恶行

参考例句：

• They may grant you power,honour,and riches but afflict you with servitude,infamy,and poverty.他们可以给你权力、荣誉和财富，但却用奴役、耻辱和贫穷来折磨你。
• Traitors are held in infamy.叛徒为人所不齿。

6 bind   

vt.捆，包扎；装订；约束；使凝固；vi.变硬

参考例句：

• I will let the waiter bind up the parcel for you.我让服务生帮你把包裹包起来。
• He wants a shirt that does not bind him.他要一件不使他觉得过紧的衬衫。

7 covet   

vt.垂涎；贪图(尤指属于他人的东西)

参考例句：

• We do not covet anything from any nation.我们不觊觎任何国家的任何东西。
• Many large companies covet these low-cost acquisition of troubled small companies.许多大公司都觊觎低价收购这些陷入困境的小公司。

8 hideous   

adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的

参考例句：

• The whole experience had been like some hideous nightmare.整个经历就像一场可怕的噩梦。
• They're not like dogs,they're hideous brutes.它们不像狗，是丑陋的畜牲。

9 seclusion   

n.隐遁，隔离

参考例句：

• She liked to sunbathe in the seclusion of her own garden.她喜欢在自己僻静的花园里晒日光浴。
• I live very much in seclusion these days.这些天我过着几乎与世隔绝的生活。

10 plunge   

v.跳入，(使)投入，(使)陷入；猛冲

参考例句：

• Test pool's water temperature before you plunge in.在你跳入之前你应该测试水温。
• That would plunge them in the broil of the two countries.那将会使他们陷入这两国的争斗之中。

11 binds   

v.约束( bind的第三人称单数 )；装订；捆绑；（用长布条）缠绕

参考例句：

• Frost binds the soil. 霜使土壤凝结。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Stones and cement binds strongly. 石头和水泥凝固得很牢。 来自《简明英汉词典》

12 license   

n.执照，许可证，特许；v.许可，特许

参考例句：

• The foreign guest has a license on the person.这个外国客人随身携带执照。
• The driver was arrested for having false license plates on his car.司机由于使用假车牌而被捕。

13 partnership   

n.合作关系，伙伴关系

参考例句：

• The company has gone into partnership with Swiss Bank Corporation.这家公司已经和瑞士银行公司建立合作关系。
• Martin has taken him into general partnership in his company.马丁已让他成为公司的普通合伙人。

14 mutual   

adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的

参考例句：

• We must pull together for mutual interest.我们必须为相互的利益而通力合作。
• Mutual interests tied us together.相互的利害关系把我们联系在一起。

15 fidelity   

n.忠诚，忠实；精确

参考例句：

• There is nothing like a dog's fidelity.没有什么能比得上狗的忠诚。
• His fidelity and industry brought him speedy promotion.他的尽职及勤奋使他很快地得到晋升。

16 violation   

n.违反(行为)，违背(行为)，侵犯

参考例句：

• He roared that was a violation of the rules.他大声说，那是违反规则的。
• He was fined 200 dollars for violation of traffic regulation.他因违反交通规则被罚款200美元。

17 absolves   

宣告…无罪，赦免…的罪行，宽恕…的罪行( absolve的第三人称单数 )； 不受责难，免除责任 [义务] ,开脱（罪责）

参考例句：

• Not making a decision absolves procrastinators of responsibility for the outcome of events. 不做决定让他们不会为事情的最终结果承担责任。
• Moist soil absolves absorbs more heat than loose, dry soil covered with much mulch or vegetation. 湿润的土壤，相比有覆盖物或有植物的稀疏、干燥土壤能够吸收更多的热量。

18 absolved   

宣告…无罪，赦免…的罪行，宽恕…的罪行( absolve的过去式和过去分词 )； 不受责难，免除责任 [义务] ,开脱（罪责）

参考例句：

• The court absolved him of all responsibility for the accident. 法院宣告他对该事故不负任何责任。
• The court absolved him of guilt in her death. 法庭赦免了他在她的死亡中所犯的罪。

19 temperament   

n.气质，性格，性情

参考例句：

• The analysis of what kind of temperament you possess is vital.分析一下你有什么样的气质是十分重要的。
• Success often depends on temperament.成功常常取决于一个人的性格。

20 entrapped   

v.使陷入圈套，使入陷阱( entrap的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He was entrapped into undertaking the work. 他受骗而担任那工作。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He felt he had been entrapped into marrying her. 他觉得和她结婚是上了当。 来自辞典例句

21 compensate   

vt.补偿，赔偿；酬报 vi.弥补；补偿；抵消

参考例句：

• She used her good looks to compensate her lack of intelligence. 她利用她漂亮的外表来弥补智力的不足。
• Nothing can compensate for the loss of one's health. 一个人失去了键康是不可弥补的。

22 outrage   

n.暴行，侮辱，愤怒；vt.凌辱，激怒

参考例句：

• When he heard the news he reacted with a sense of outrage.他得悉此事时义愤填膺。
• We should never forget the outrage committed by the Japanese invaders.我们永远都不应该忘记日本侵略者犯下的暴行。

23 creed   

n.信条；信念，纲领

参考例句：

• They offended against every article of his creed.他们触犯了他的每一条戒律。
• Our creed has always been that business is business.我们的信条一直是公私分明。

24 torment   

n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠

参考例句：

• He has never suffered the torment of rejection.他从未经受过遭人拒绝的痛苦。
• Now nothing aggravates me more than when people torment each other.没有什么东西比人们的互相折磨更使我愤怒。

25 delirium   

n. 神智昏迷,说胡话;极度兴奋

参考例句：

• In her delirium, she had fallen to the floor several times. 她在神志不清的状态下几次摔倒在地上。
• For the next nine months, Job was in constant delirium.接下来的九个月，约伯处于持续精神错乱的状态。

26 materialism   

n.［哲］唯物主义，唯物论；物质至上

参考例句：

• Idealism is opposite to materialism.唯心论和唯物论是对立的。
• Crass materialism causes people to forget spiritual values.极端唯物主义使人忘掉精神价值。

27 scoffed   

嘲笑，嘲弄( scoff的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He scoffed at our amateurish attempts. 他对我们不在行的尝试嗤之以鼻。
• A hundred years ago people scoffed at the idea. 一百年前人们曾嘲笑过这种想法。

28 immortality   

n.不死，不朽

参考例句：

• belief in the immortality of the soul 灵魂不灭的信念
• It was like having immortality while you were still alive. 仿佛是当你仍然活着的时候就得到了永生。

29 impersonality   

n.无人情味

参考例句：

• He searched for a topic which would warm her office impersonality into friendliness. 他想找一个话题，使她一本正经的态度变得友好一点。
• The method features speediness, exactness, impersonality, and non-invasion to the sample. 该法具有快速、准确、客观和不损坏样品等特点。

30 smothered   

（使）窒息， （使）透不过气( smother的过去式和过去分词 )； 覆盖； 忍住； 抑制

参考例句：

• He smothered the baby with a pillow. 他用枕头把婴儿闷死了。
• The fire is smothered by ashes. 火被灰闷熄了。

31 wretch   

n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人

参考例句：

• You are really an ungrateful wretch to complain instead of thanking him.你不但不谢他，还埋怨他，真不知好歹。
• The dead husband is not the dishonoured wretch they fancied him.死去的丈夫不是他们所想象的不光彩的坏蛋。

32 condemned   

adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• He condemned the hypocrisy of those politicians who do one thing and say another. 他谴责了那些说一套做一套的政客的虚伪。
• The policy has been condemned as a regressive step. 这项政策被认为是一种倒退而受到谴责。

33 bland   

adj.淡而无味的，温和的，无刺激性的

参考例句：

• He eats bland food because of his stomach trouble.他因胃病而吃清淡的食物。
• This soup is too bland for me.这汤我喝起来偏淡。

34 fervent   

adj.热的，热烈的，热情的

参考例句：

• It was a debate which aroused fervent ethical arguments.那是一场引发强烈的伦理道德争论的辩论。
• Austria was among the most fervent supporters of adolf hitler.奥地利是阿道夫希特勒最狂热的支持者之一。

35 slaughters   

v.屠杀，杀戮，屠宰( slaughter的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• These vast slaughters have since become notorious. 此后，这些大规模的屠杀，就变成了很不光彩的新闻。 来自辞典例句
• Remembered that despairs and hope that each other slaughters. 记得绝望和希望，彼此厮杀。 来自互联网

36 appease   

v.安抚，缓和，平息，满足

参考例句：

• He tried to appease the crying child by giving him candy.他试图给那个啼哭的孩子糖果使他不哭。
• The government tried to appease discontented workers.政府试图安抚不满的工人们。

37 vengeance   

n.报复，报仇，复仇

参考例句：

• He swore vengeance against the men who murdered his father.他发誓要向那些杀害他父亲的人报仇。
• For years he brooded vengeance.多年来他一直在盘算报仇。

38 wrath   

n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒

参考例句：

• His silence marked his wrath. 他的沉默表明了他的愤怒。
• The wrath of the people is now aroused. 人们被激怒了。

39 wilt   

v.(使)植物凋谢或枯萎；(指人)疲倦，衰弱

参考例句：

• Golden roses do not wilt and will never need to be watered.金色的玫瑰不枯萎绝也不需要浇水。
• Several sleepless nights made him wilt.数个不眠之夜使他憔悴。

40 saviour   

n.拯救者，救星

参考例句：

• I saw myself as the saviour of my country.我幻想自己为国家的救星。
• The people clearly saw her as their saviour.人们显然把她看成了救星。

41 forsake   

vt.遗弃，抛弃；舍弃，放弃

参考例句：

• She pleaded with her husband not to forsake her.她恳求丈夫不要抛弃她。
• You must forsake your bad habits.你必须革除你的坏习惯。

42 Forsaken   

adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词

参考例句：

• He was forsaken by his friends. 他被朋友们背弃了。
• He has forsaken his wife and children. 他遗弃了他的妻子和孩子。

43 shriek   

v./n.尖叫，叫喊

参考例句：

• Suddenly he began to shriek loudly.突然他开始大声尖叫起来。
• People sometimes shriek because of terror,anger,or pain.人们有时会因为恐惧，气愤或疼痛而尖叫。

44 blasphemies   

n.对上帝的亵渎，亵渎的言词[行为]( blasphemy的名词复数 )；侮慢的言词（或行为）

参考例句：

• That foul mouth stands there bringing more ill fortune with his blasphemies. 那一张臭嘴站在那儿满嘴喷粪，只能带来更多恶运。 来自辞典例句
• All great truths begin as blasphemies. 一切伟大的真理起初都被视为大逆不道的邪说。 来自辞典例句

45 prostrate   

v.拜倒，平卧，衰竭；adj.拜倒的，平卧的，衰竭的

参考例句：

• She was prostrate on the floor.她俯卧在地板上。
• The Yankees had the South prostrate and they intended to keep It'so.北方佬已经使南方屈服了,他们还打算继续下去。

46 frenzy   

n.疯狂，狂热，极度的激动

参考例句：

• He was able to work the young students up into a frenzy.他能激起青年学生的狂热。
• They were singing in a frenzy of joy.他们欣喜若狂地高声歌唱。

47 shrieking   

v.尖叫( shriek的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• The boxers were goaded on by the shrieking crowd. 拳击运动员听见观众的喊叫就来劲儿了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• They were all shrieking with laughter. 他们都发出了尖锐的笑声。 来自《简明英汉词典》

48 possessed   

adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的

参考例句：

• He flew out of the room like a man possessed.他像着了魔似地猛然冲出房门。
• He behaved like someone possessed.他行为举止像是魔怔了。

49 insanity   

n.疯狂，精神错乱；极端的愚蠢，荒唐

参考例句：

• In his defense he alleged temporary insanity.他伪称一时精神错乱，为自己辩解。
• He remained in his cell,and this visit only increased the belief in his insanity.他依旧还是住在他的地牢里，这次视察只是更加使人相信他是个疯子了。

50 verge   

n.边，边缘；v.接近，濒临

参考例句：

• The country's economy is on the verge of collapse.国家的经济已到了崩溃的边缘。
• She was on the verge of bursting into tears.她快要哭出来了。

51 brutality   

n.野蛮的行为，残忍，野蛮

参考例句：

• The brutality of the crime has appalled the public. 罪行之残暴使公众大为震惊。
• a general who was infamous for his brutality 因残忍而恶名昭彰的将军

52 behold   

v.看，注视，看到

参考例句：

• The industry of these little ants is wonderful to behold.这些小蚂蚁辛勤劳动的样子看上去真令人惊叹。
• The sunrise at the seaside was quite a sight to behold.海滨日出真是个奇景。