chapter 14

My sister, too, was leading a life of her own which she carefully hid from me. She was often whispering with Masha. When I went up to her she seemed to shrink into herself, and there was a guilty, imploring¹ look in her eyes; evidently there was something going on in her heart of which she was afraid or ashamed. So as to avoid meeting me in the garden, or being left alone with me, she always kept close to Masha, and I rarely had an opportunity of talking to her except at dinner.

One evening I was walking quietly through the garden on my way back from the building. It was beginning to get dark. Without noticing me, or hearing my step, my sister was walking near a spreading old apple-tree, absolutely noiselessly as though she were a phantom². She was dressed in black, and was walking rapidly backwards³ and forwards on the same track, looking at the ground. An apple fell from the tree; she started at the sound, stood still and pressed her hands to her temples. At that moment I went up to her.

In a rush of tender affection which suddenly flooded my heart, with tears in my eyes, suddenly remembering my mother and our childhood, I put my arm round her shoulders and kissed her.

“What is the matter?” I asked her. “You are unhappy; I have seen it for a long time. Tell me what’s wrong?”

“I am frightened,” she said, trembling.

“What is it?” I insisted. “For God’s sake, be open!”

“I will, I will be open; I will tell you the whole truth. To hide it from you is so hard, so agonizing⁴. Misail, I love . . .” she went on in a whisper, “I love him . . . I love him. . . . I am happy, but why am I so frightened?”

There was the sound of footsteps; between the trees appeared Dr. Blagovo in his silk shirt with his high top boots. Evidently they had arranged to meet near the apple-tree. Seeing him, she rushed impulsively⁵ towards him with a cry of pain as though he were being taken from her.

“Vladimir! Vladimir!”

She clung to him and looked greedily into his face, and only then I noticed how pale and thin she had become of late. It was particularly noticeable from her lace collar which I had known for so long, and which now hung more loosely than ever before about her thin, long neck. The doctor was disconcerted, but at once recovered himself, and, stroking her hair, said:

“There, there. . . . Why so nervous? You see, I’m here.”

We were silent, looking with embarrassment⁶ at each other, then we walked on, the three of us together, and I heard the doctor say to me:

“Civilized⁷ life has not yet begun among us. Old men console themselves by making out that if there is nothing now, there was something in the forties or the sixties; that’s the old: you and I are young; our brains have not yet been touched by marasmus senilis; we cannot comfort ourselves with such illusions. The beginning of Russia was in 862, but the beginning of civilized Russia has not come yet.”

But I did not grasp the meaning of these reflections. It was somehow strange, I could not believe it, that my sister was in love, that she was walking and holding the arm of a stranger and looking tenderly at him. My sister, this nervous, frightened, crushed, fettered⁸ creature, loved a man who was married and had children! I felt sorry for something, but what exactly I don’t know; the presence of the doctor was for some reason distasteful to me now, and I could not imagine what would come of this love of theirs.

1 imploring   

恳求的，哀求的

参考例句：

• Those calm, strange eyes could see her imploring face. 那平静的，没有表情的眼睛还能看得到她的乞怜求情的面容。
• She gave him an imploring look. 她以哀求的眼神看着他。

2 phantom   

n.幻影，虚位，幽灵；adj.错觉的，幻影的，幽灵的

参考例句：

• I found myself staring at her as if she were a phantom.我发现自己瞪大眼睛看着她，好像她是一个幽灵。
• He is only a phantom of a king.他只是有名无实的国王。

3 backwards   

adv.往回地，向原处，倒，相反，前后倒置地

参考例句：

• He turned on the light and began to pace backwards and forwards.他打开电灯并开始走来走去。
• All the girls fell over backwards to get the party ready.姑娘们迫不及待地为聚会做准备。

4 agonizing   

adj.痛苦难忍的；使人苦恼的v.使极度痛苦；折磨(agonize的ing形式)

参考例句：

• I spent days agonizing over whether to take the job or not. 我用了好些天苦苦思考是否接受这个工作。
• his father's agonizing death 他父亲极度痛苦的死

5 impulsively   

adv.冲动地

参考例句：

• She leant forward and kissed him impulsively. 她倾身向前，感情冲动地吻了他。
• Every good, true, vigorous feeling I had gathered came impulsively round him. 我的一切良好、真诚而又强烈的感情都紧紧围绕着他涌现出来。

6 embarrassment   

n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫

参考例句：

• She could have died away with embarrassment.她窘迫得要死。
• Coughing at a concert can be a real embarrassment.在音乐会上咳嗽真会使人难堪。

7 civilized   

a.有教养的，文雅的

参考例句：

• Racism is abhorrent to a civilized society. 文明社会憎恶种族主义。
• rising crime in our so-called civilized societies 在我们所谓文明社会中日益增多的犯罪行为

8 fettered   

v.给…上脚镣，束缚( fetter的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• We reverence tradition but will not be fettered by it. 我们尊重传统，但不被传统所束缚。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• Many people are fettered by lack of self-confidence. 许多人都因缺乏自信心而缩手缩脚。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》