On the 18th of April we descended1 from the carriage at the front door of the house at Petrovskoe. All the way from Moscow Papa had been preoccupied2, and when Woloda had asked him "whether Mamma was ill" he had looked at him sadly and nodded an affirmative. Nevertheless he had grown more composed during the journey, and it was only when we were actually approaching the house that his face again began to grow anxious, until, as he leaped from the carriage and asked Foka (who had run breathlessly to meet us),
"How is Natalia Nicolaevna now?" his voice, was trembling, and
his eyes had filled with tears. The good, old Foka looked at
us, and then lowered his gaze again. Finally he said as he
opened the hall-door and turned his head aside: "It is the
sixth day since she has not left her bed."
Milka (who, as we afterwards learned, had never ceased to whine3 from the day when Mamma was taken ill) came leaping, joyfully4 to meet Papa, and barking a welcome as she licked his hands, but Papa put her aside, and went first to the drawing-room, and then into the divannaia, from which a door led into the bedroom. The nearer he approached the latter, the more, did his movements express the agitation5 that he felt. Entering the divannaia he crossed it on tiptoe, seeming to hold his breath. Even then he had to stop and make the sign of the cross before he could summon up courage to turn the handle. At the same moment Mimi, with dishevelled hair and eyes red with weeping came hastily out of the corridor.
"Ah, Peter Alexandritch!" she said in a whisper and with a marked expression of despair. Then, observing that Papa was trying to open the door, she whispered again:
"Not here. This door is locked. Go round to the door on the other side."
Oh, how terribly all this wrought6 upon my imagination, racked as it was by grief and terrible forebodings!
So we went round to the other side. In the corridor we met the gardener, Akim, who had been wont7 to amuse us with his grimaces8, but at this moment I could see nothing comical in him. Indeed, the sight of his thoughtless, indifferent face struck me more painfully than anything else. In the maidservants' hall, through which we had to pass, two maids were sitting at their work, but rose to salute9 us with an expression so mournful that I felt completely overwhelmed.
Passing also through Mimi's room, Papa opened the door of the bedroom, and we entered. The two windows on the right were curtained over, and close to them was seated, Natalia Savishna, spectacles on nose and engaged in darning stockings. She did not approach us to kiss me as she had been used to do, but just rose and looked at us, her tears beginning to flow afresh. Somehow it frightened me to see every one, on beholding10 us, begin to cry, although they had been calm enough before.
On the left stood the bed behind a screen, while in the great arm-chair the doctor lay asleep. Beside the bed a young, fair- haired and remarkably11 beautiful girl in a white morning wrapper was applying ice to Mamma's head, but Mamma herself I could not see. This girl was "La Belle12 Flamande" of whom Mamma had written, and who afterwards played so important a part in our family life. As we entered she disengaged one of her hands, straightened the pleats of her dress on her bosom13, and whispered, " She is insensible," Though I was in an agony of grief, I observed at that moment every little detail.
It was almost dark in the room, and very hot, while the air was heavy with the mingled14, scent15 of mint, eau-de-cologne, camomile, and Hoffman's pastilles. The latter ingredient caught my attention so strongly that even now I can never hear of it, or even think of it, without my memory carrying me back to that dark, close room, and all the details of that dreadful time.
Mamma's eyes were wide open, but they could not see us. Never shall I forget the terrible expression in them--the expression of agonies of suffering!
Then we were taken away.
When, later, I was able to ask Natalia Savishna about Mamma's last moments she told me the following:
"After you were taken out of the room, my beloved one struggled for a long time, as though some one were trying to strangle her. Then at last she laid her head back upon the pillow, and slept softly, peacefully, like an angel from Heaven. I went away for a moment to see about her medicine, and just as I entered the room again my darling was throwing the bedclothes from off her and calling for your Papa. He stooped over her, but strength failed her to say what she wanted to. All she could do was to open her lips and gasp16, 'My God, my God! The children, the children!' I would have run to fetch you, but Ivan Vassilitch stopped me, saying that it would only excite her--it were best not to do so. Then suddenly she stretched her arms out and dropped them again. What she meant by that gesture the good God alone knows, but I think that in it she was blessing17 you--you the children whom she could not see. God did not grant her to see her little ones before her death. Then she raised herself up--did my love, my darling--yes, just so with her hands, and exclaimed in a voice which I cannot bear to remember, 'Mother of God, never forsake18 them!'"
"Then the pain mounted to her heart, and from her eyes it as, plain that she suffered terribly, my poor one! She sank back upon the pillows, tore the bedclothes with her teeth, and wept--wept--"
"Yes and what then?" I asked but Natalia Savishna could say no more. She turned away and cried bitterly.
Mamma had expired in terrible agonies.
四月十八日，我们在彼得洛夫斯科耶住宅门口下了马车。离开莫斯科时，爸爸心事重重，当沃洛佳问他是不是妈妈病了的时候，爸爸悲伤地望望他，默默地点点头。旅途中他显然平静了些；但是我们离家愈近，他的脸色就愈来愈悲哀，下马车时，他问喘息着跑来的福加说：“娜达丽雅·萨维什娜在哪儿？”他的声音颤巍巍的，眼中含着泪水。善良的老福加偷偷地看了我们一眼，低下头，打开前门，把脸扭到一边，回答说：
“她已经是第六天没有离开卧室了。”
后来我听说，米尔卡从妈妈病倒的那一天起，就不住声地哀号。现在它快活地向爸爸冲过来，扑到他身上，一边尖叫，一边舐他的手；但是他把它推到一边，穿过客厅，从那里进入起居室，起居室的门直通卧室。他愈走近那个房间，从他全身的动作看来，他的焦急心情也就愈明显了；一进起居室，他就踮着脚走，几乎是屏住呼吸，在他没有下决心转动那扇关着的门上的锁时，先画了个十字。这时米米，蓬头散发，满脸泪痕，从过道里跑出来。“啊！彼得·亚历山德雷奇！”她带着真正绝望的表情低声说，看见爸爸在转动门上的锁，她几乎听不出地补充说：“这儿进不去，要穿过使女的房间。”
这一切使我那由于可怕的预兆而不胜悲哀的、天真的想像感到多么悲痛。！
我们走进使女的房间；在过道里我们遇见了傻子阿基姆，他一向好做鬼脸逗我们发笑；但是这时我不仅不觉得他滑稽，而且一见他那冷淡而愚蠢的面孔，我就觉得痛苦得了不得。在使女的房间里，两个正在干活的使女欠起身来向我们行礼，她们那副愁容使我害怕极了。又穿过米米的房间，爸爸打开卧室的门，于是我们都走了进去。门的右首是两扇窗户，窗户被窗帘遮住；一扇窗前坐着娜达丽雅·萨维什娜，她鼻梁上架着眼镜在织袜子。她没有照平时那样吻我们，只是欠起身来，透过眼镜望望我们，就泪如泉涌了。大家本来都十分平静，一看见我们都哭起来，这使我很不喜欢。
门的左边摆着一架屏风，屏风后面是床、一张小桌、一个小药箱和一张大安乐椅，医生正坐在上面打瞌睡。床边站着一个年轻的非常美丽的金发姑娘，穿着雪白的晨装，袖子卷起一点，正往我当时看不见的妈妈的头上敷冰。这个姑娘就是妈妈信上说的那个la belle Flamande，后来她在我们全家的生活中扮演一个十分重要的角色。我们一进来，她就从妈妈头上抽回一只手，整理她胸部的衣褶，随后低声说：“昏迷了。”
我当时痛苦万分，但是不由地注意到一切细节。房间里几乎是昏暗的，很热，充满混杂着薄荷、香水、苦菊和赫夫曼药水的气味。这种气味给了我那么深刻的印象，不仅一闻到它，甚至一想到它，我就立刻回想起那间阴惨惨的、使人窒息的屋子，那可怕时刻的一切细节都立刻再现出来。
妈妈的眼睛睁着，但是她什么也看不见……嗅，我永远也忘不了那可怕的目光！目光里流露出多么苦痛的神情！
我们被领走了。
后来我向娜达丽雅·萨维什娜问起我母亲临终的情况，她对我这样讲：
“把你们领走的时候，她又折腾了好久，我的亲爱的，好象有什么东西哽在她这儿；随后她的头从枕头上滑下来，她就象个天使一样，平静而安宁地睡着了。我刚走出去看看，为什么没有把她的药水送来，再回来时，她，我的心肝，已经把身边的一切推开，不住地招呼你爸爸到她身边去；你爸爸俯在她身上，但是她分明已经没有力气说出她想说的话：她一开口就又呻吟起来：‘我的上帝！主啊！孩子们！孩子们！’我想跑去找你们，但是伊凡·瓦西里奇拦住我说：‘那会使她更加心烦意乱，最好不必。’后来，她刚举起手来，就又放了下去。她这是想表示什么意思，那只有天知道了。我想，她是在暗暗给你们祝福；显然，上帝不让她在临终前看看自己的孩子们。最后，她稍稍抬起身来，我的亲爱的，双手这么动了一下，突然用那么一种我想都不敢想的声调说：‘圣母呀，不要抛弃他们！……’这时她心痛起来；从她的眼神可以看出，这个可怜的人儿痛苦极了。她倒在枕头上，用牙咬住床单；而她的眼泪，我的少爷，就不住地往下滚。”
“嗯，以后呢？”我问。
娜达丽雅·萨维什娜再也说不下去了。她转过身去，痛哭起来。
妈妈在万分痛苦中逝世了。
收听单词发音 |
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descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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preoccupied
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| adj.全神贯注的，入神的；被抢先占有的；心事重重的v.占据（某人）思想，使对…全神贯注，使专心于( preoccupy的过去式) | |
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whine
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| v.哀号，号哭；n.哀鸣 | |
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joyfully
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| adv. 喜悦地, 高兴地 | |
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agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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wrought
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| v.引起；以…原料制作；运转；adj.制造的 | |
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wont
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| adj.习惯于；v.习惯；n.习惯 | |
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grimaces
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| n.（表蔑视、厌恶等）面部扭曲，鬼脸( grimace的名词复数 )v.扮鬼相，做鬼脸( grimace的第三人称单数 ) | |
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9
salute
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| vi.行礼，致意，问候，放礼炮；vt.向…致意，迎接，赞扬；n.招呼，敬礼，礼炮 | |
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10
beholding
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| v.看，注视( behold的现在分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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remarkably
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| ad.不同寻常地，相当地 | |
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belle
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| n.靓女 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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scent
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| n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉 | |
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gasp
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| n.喘息，气喘；v.喘息；气吁吁他说 | |
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blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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forsake
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| vt.遗弃，抛弃；舍弃，放弃 | |
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