Maurice's grandfather was an example of the growth that may come with old age. Throughout life he had been the ordinary business man—hard and touchy—but he re-tired not too late, and with surprising results. He took to "read-ing", and though the direct effects were grotesque1, a softness was generated that transformed his character. The opinions of others—once to be contradicted or ignored—appeared worthy2 of note, and their desires worth humouring. Ida, his unmarried daughter, who kept house for him, had dreaded3 the time "when my father will have nothing to do", and herself impervious4, did not realize that he had changed until he was about to leave her.
The old gentleman employed his leisure in evolving a new religion—or rather a new cosmogony, for it did not contradict chapel5. The chief point was that God lives inside the sun, whose bright envelope consists of the spirits of the blessed. Sunspots reveal God to men, so that when they occurred Mr Grace spent hours at his telescope, noting the interior darkness. The incarna-tion was a sort of sunspot.
He was glad to discuss his discovery with anyone, but did not proselytize6, remarking that each must settle for himself: Clive Durham, with whom he had once had a long talk, knew as much about his opinions as anyone. They were those of the practical man who tries to think spiritually—absurd and materialistic7, but first hand. Mr Grace had rejected the tasteful accounts of
the unseen that are handed out by the churches, and for that reason the hellenist had got on with him.
Now he was dying. A past of questionable8 honesty had faded, and he looked forward to joining those he loved and to be joined in due season by those whom he left behind. He summoned his late employees—men without illusions, but they "humoured the old hypocrite". He summoned his family, whom he had always treated well. His last days were very beautiful. To inquire into the causes of beauty were to inquire too closely, and only a cynic would dispel9 the blended Sorrow and Peace that perfumed Al-friston Gardens while a dear old man lay dying.
The relations came separately, in parties of two and three. All, except Maurice, were impressed. There was no intrigue10, as Mr Grace had been open about his will, and each knew what to ex-pect. Ada, as the favourite grandchild, shared the fortune with her aunt. The rest had legacies11. Maurice did not propose to re-ceive his. He did nothing to force Death on, but it waited to meet him at the right moment, probably when he returned.
But the sight of a fellow-traveller disconcerted him. His grandfather was getting ready for a journey to the sun, and, garrulous12 with illness, poured out to him one December after-noon. "Maurice, you read the papers. You've seen the new theory —" It was that a meteor swarm13 impinged on the rings of Saturn14, and chipped pieces off them that fell into the sun. Now Mr Grace located the wicked in the outer planets of our system, and since he disbelieved in eternal damnation had been troubled how to extricate15 them. The new theory explained this. They were chipped off and reabsorbed into the good! Courteous16 and grave, the young man listened until a fear seized him that this tosh might be true. The fear was momentary17, yet started one of those rearrangements that affect the whole character. It left him with the conviction that his grandfather was convinced. One
more human being had come alive. He had accomplished18 an act of creation, and as he did so Death turned her head away. "It's a great thing to believe as you do," he said very sadly. "Since Cambridge I believe in nothing—except in a sort of darkness."
"Ah, when I was your age—and now I see a bright light—no electric light can compare to it."
"When you were my age, grandfather, what?"
But Mr Grace did not answer questions. He said, "Brighter than magnesium19 wire—the light within," then drew a stupid parallel between God, dark inside the glowing sun, and the soul, invisible inside the visible body. "The power within—the soul: let it out, but not yet, not till the evening." He paused. "Maurice, be good to your mother; to your sisters; to your wife and chil-dren; to your clerks, as I have." He paused again and Maurice grunted20, but not disrespectfully. He was caught by the phrase "not till the evening, do not let it out till the evening." The old man rambled21 ahead. One ought to be good—kind—brave: all the old advice. Yet it was sincere. It came from a living heart.
"Why?" he interrupted. "Grandpapa, why?"
"The light witiiin—"
"Ihaven't one." He laughed lest emotion should master him. "Such light as I had went out six weeks ago. I don't want to be good or kind or brave. If I go on living I shall be—not those things: the reverse of them. I don't want that either; I don't want anything."
"The light within—"
Maurice had neared confidences, but they would not have been listened to. His grandfather didn't, couldn't understand. He was only to get "the light within—be kind", yet the phrase continued the rearrangement that had begun inside him. Whyshould one be kind and good? For someone's sake—for the sake of Clive or God or the sun? But he had no one. No one except his
mother mattered and she only a little. He was practically alone, and why should he go on living? There was really no reason, yet he had a dreary22 feeling he should, because he had not got Death either; she, like Love, had glanced at him for a minute, then turned away, and left him to "play the game". And he might have to play as long as his grandfather, and retire as absurdly.
莫瑞斯的外祖父是老有所成的典范。他做了一辈子平凡的实业家——精明强干，动辄发火——但是他退休不是太晚，而且结果出人意料。他养成了“读书”的嗜好，宽厚仁慈改变了他的性格，这一直接效果的产生是怪诞的。旁人的看法——以前认为应该予以反驳或无视的——如今看来值得注意了，对旁人的心愿也尽量满足。他那个未婚的女儿艾达替他管家，她担心有一天“我父亲没事可做了”，那可怎么办。她是个感觉迟钝的人，直到他即将离开她的时候，都没发觉他变了。
老绅士把闲暇用在发展新兴宗教，或者不如说是新的宇宙演化论上，因为它并不对抗教会。主要的论点是：神存在于太阳当中，其光轮是由受祝福者的灵魂构成的，黑子向人启示神的存在。因此，每逢出现黑子，格雷斯先生在望远镜前一坐就是几个钟头，注视着黑子的暗核（译注：太阳黑子只是相对于周围温度高达数千度的明亮光球才显得黑。黑子的暗核称为“本影”，较亮的外环称为“半影”。）。“道成肉身”（译注：“道”指耶稣。“道成肉身”是基督教的中心教义。谓上帝之道即上帝的儿子、三位一体真神中的第二位成为肉身，就是耶稣基督，耶稣基督是神，也是人，基督是“上帝所生，非上帝所造”，因此耶稣不是被造物，而是造物主）是一种黑子。
他对任何人都津津乐道自己的这个发现。不过他说，各人有各人的志向，所以无意让别人皈依自己这个信仰。曾经跟他长谈过的克莱夫·德拉姆对他的见解了如指掌。这是试图从精神方面来进行思考的一个讲求实际者的见解—一可笑而实利主义的，然而是第一手的。正因为如此，克莱夫这个古希腊文明崇拜者才跟他合得来。
现在他快要死了。不一定完全正直的过去已消逝，他一心盼望与自己所爱的人们相聚，到了一定的时候，他所撇下的人们也将去与他相聚。他把以前的雇员们召集到床前。这些人对他不抱幻想，却“逢迎这个年迈的伪善者”。他把家族的人召集来，他一向待他们很好。他的最后那段日子非常美。去探讨何以会如此美，未免有追根问底之嫌。当一位亲爱的老人奄奄一息地躺着的时候，艾尔弗里斯顿花园弥漫着悲哀与平静相融的馨香，惟有愤世嫉俗者才会想去驱散它。
亲戚们纷纷到来。除了莫瑞斯，人人都印象深刻。格雷斯先生早就把遗嘱的内容公开了，大家都知道自己能得到什么，因此没有引起任何人的好奇心，他所宠爱的外孙女艾达与姨妈一起继承房产和宅地。其他人也各有一份遗赠物，莫瑞斯没提出要领他那一份。他没有逼迫死神及早降临，然而死神会等到恰当的时刻来迎接他，很可能就在他返回伦敦之际。
但是，旅伴这副样子使他疑虑不安。他的外祖父准备启程奔赴太阳，疾病让他变得饶舌了，十二月里的一个下午，他对外孙滔滔不绝地说：“莫瑞斯，你在报纸上读到了吧。你注意到新学说了吧……”据报道，流星群撞在土星环上，被撞下来的碎片落到太阳里面。格雷斯先生认为，恶人死后灵魂被赶到太阳系外侧的行星里。他不相信永远下地狱的学说，所以一直忧心忡忡，不知该怎样拯救恶人的灵魂。新学说对这一点做了解释，这些灵魂成了碎片，重新并入善里面！年轻人彬彬有礼、严肃认真地聆听着，突然被一种恐惧感笼罩住，觉得这番胡话也许是真的。这恐惧转瞬即逝，却使他开始洗心革面，整个性格发生了变化。他深信外祖父的信仰是令人信服的。一个活生生的人又出现了，他完成了一个创造性的行为，这样死神就把头转过去了。“能有您这样的信仰，可真了不起。”莫瑞斯非常伤心地说。“剑桥以来，我什么都不相信了——只是处在一种黑暗中。”
“啊，我在你这个年龄的时候嘛——如今我看到了光明——电灯可远远比不上它。”
“外公，您在我这个年龄的时候怎么样呢？”
然而，格雷斯先生不予回答。他说：“内在的光——比镁光灯还亮。”接着，他把灿烂的太阳黑子的暗核、灵魂，以及可见的肉体内部那不可见的力量与上帝之间做了个愚蠢的对比。“把内部的力量——灵魂释放出来，但是现在不行，等到了晚上再说。”他歇了口气。“莫瑞斯，待你的母亲，你的妹妹们，你的妻子和儿女们，以及你的下属要善良，就像我那样。”他又歇了口气。莫瑞斯咕哝了一声，但是并没有不尊重的意思。“到了傍晚再说，到了傍晚再把灵魂放出来”这句话把他吸引住了。老人漫无边际地闲扯下去。为人要善良、仁慈，要有勇气。统统是老生常谈。然而却是真诚的，发自一颗生气勃勃的心。
“为什么呢？”莫瑞斯插嘴道，“外公，为什么呢？”
“内在的光——”
“我没有这样的光。”他生怕自己会耽于感伤，就笑了。“我曾经拥有的光，已经在六个星期以前熄灭了。我不愿意变得善良、仁慈或勇敢。倘若我继续活下去，我不会这样活，而是刚好相反。我也不愿意过那样的生活，我什么都不愿意。”
“内在的光——”
莫瑞斯几乎要倾吐衷情了。不过，即使倾吐了，也会被置若罔闻。他的外祖父听不进去，也理解不了。莫瑞斯所得到的仅仅是“内在的光——为人要善良”这句话。然而这句话却促使他继续洗心革面。为什么为人要善良、仁慈呢？为了某人——究竟是为了克莱夫还是为了神，抑或是为了太阳呢？但是他什么人都没有。除了他母亲，任何人都无关紧要，就连他母亲，也没有多大关系。他差不多是孑然一身，为什么还要继续活下去呢？确实没有活下去的理由，然而他又有个阴郁的预感：自己只好活下去。因为就连死神也不属于他。死神犹如爱神，朝他瞥视了一会儿，就转身而去，撇下他，让他“度过光明磊落的一生”。他完全可能像外祖父那样延年益寿，跟外祖父一样可笑地退休。
收听单词发音 |
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grotesque
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| adj.怪诞的，丑陋的；n.怪诞的图案，怪人（物） | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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impervious
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| adj.不能渗透的，不能穿过的，不易伤害的 | |
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chapel
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| n.小教堂，殡仪馆 | |
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proselytize
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| v.改变宗教 | |
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materialistic
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| a.唯物主义的，物质享乐主义的 | |
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questionable
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| adj.可疑的，有问题的 | |
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dispel
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| vt.驱走，驱散，消除 | |
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intrigue
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| vt.激起兴趣，迷住；vi.耍阴谋；n.阴谋，密谋 | |
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legacies
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| n.遗产( legacy的名词复数 )；遗留之物；遗留问题；后遗症 | |
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garrulous
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| adj.唠叨的，多话的 | |
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swarm
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| n.(昆虫)等一大群；vi.成群飞舞；蜂拥而入 | |
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Saturn
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| n.农神，土星 | |
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extricate
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| v.拯救，救出；解脱 | |
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courteous
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| adj.彬彬有礼的，客气的 | |
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momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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magnesium
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| n.镁 | |
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grunted
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| （猪等）作呼噜声( grunt的过去式和过去分词 )； （指人）发出类似的哼声； 咕哝着说 | |
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rambled
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| （无目的地）漫游( ramble的过去式和过去分词 )； （喻）漫谈； 扯淡； 长篇大论 | |
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dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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