Part 1 Chapter 13

I ALWAYS EXPERIENCED the beginning of a new school year as a watershed¹. Moving up from tenth to eleventh grade was a major one. My class was disbanded among the three other parallel classes. Quite a few students had failed to make the grade, so four small classes were combined into three larger ones.

My high school traditionally had taken only boys. When girls began to be accepted, there were so few of them to begin with that they were not divided equally among the parallel classes, but were assigned to a single class, then later to a second and a third, until they made up a third of each class. There were not enough girls in my year for any to be assigned to my former class. We were the fourth parallel class, and all boys, which is why we were the ones to be disbanded and reassigned, and not one of the other classes.

We didn’t find out about it until school began. The principal summoned us into a classroom and informed us about the why and how of our reassignment. Along with six others, I crossed the empty halls to the new classroom. We got the seats that were left over; mine was in the second row. They were individual seats, but in pairs, divided into three rows. I was in the middle row. On my left I had a classmate from my old class, Rudolf Bargen, a heavyset, calm, dependable chess and hockey player with whom I hadn’t ever spent any time in my old class, but who soon became a good friend. On my right, across the aisle², were the girls.

My neighbor was Sophie. Brown hair, brown eyes, brown summer skin, with tiny golden hairs on her bare arms. After I’d sat down and looked around, she smiled at me.

I smiled back. I felt good, I was excited about a new start in a new class, and the girls. I had observed my mates in tenth grade: whether they had girls in their class or not, they were afraid of them, or kept out of their way, or showed off to them, or worshipped them. I knew my way around women, and could be comfortable and open in a friendly way. The girls liked that. I would get along with them well in the new class, which meant I’d get along with the boys too.

Does everyone feel this way? When I was young, I was perpetually overconfident or insecure. Either I felt completely useless, unattractive, and worthless, or that I was pretty much a success, and everything I did was bound to succeed. When I was confident, I could overcome the hardest challenges. But all it took was the smallest setback³ for me to be sure that I was utterly⁴ worthless. Regaining⁵ my self-confidence had nothing to do with success; every goal I set myself, every recognition I craved⁶ made anything I actually did seem paltry⁷ by comparison, and whether I experienced it as a failure or triumph was utterly dependent on my mood. With Hanna things felt good for weeks—in spite of our fights, in spite of the fact that she pushed me away again and again, and again and again I crawled to her. And so summer in the new class began well.

I can still see the classroom: right front, the door, along the right-hand wall the board with the clothes hooks, on the left a row of windows looking onto the Heiligenberg and—when we stood next to the glass at recess—down at the streets, the river and the meadows on the opposite bank; in front, the blackboard, the stands for maps and diagrams, and the teacher’s desk and chair on a foot-high platform. The walls had yellow oil paint on them to about head height, and above that, white; and from the ceiling hung two milky⁸ glass globes. There was not one superfluous⁹ thing in the room: no pictures, no plants, no extra chair, no cupboard with forgotten books and notebooks and colored chalk. When your eyes wandered, they wandered to what was outside the window, or to whoever was sitting next to you. When Sophie saw me looking at her, she turned and smiled at me.

“Berg, Sophia may be a Greek name, but that is no reason for you to study your neighbor in a Greek lesson. Translate!”

We were translating the Odyssey¹⁰. I had read it in German, loved it, and love it to this day. When it was my turn, it took me only seconds to find my place and translate. After the teacher had stopped teasing me about Sophie and the class had stopped laughing, it was something else that made me stutter. Nausicaa, white-armed and virginal, who in body and features resembled the immortals—should I imagine her as Hanna or as Sophie? It had to be one of the two.

　　我总是认为每个学年的开始都是一个重大的转折。从文科中学的六年级升入七年级发生了重大的变化，我原来所在的班被解散了，我们被分插到其他三个同年级的班里。有相当多的学生没能过六年级升入七年级这一关。这样，原来的四个小班被合并为三个大班。

　　我所在的那所文科中学有好长一段时间只招男生。当也开始招收女生时，最初人数很少，不能均匀地分配到每个班里，而只能分配到一个班，后来，又分配到第二、第三班，直到每班都分入了三分之一的女生为止。我原来所在的班在我上学的那年没有这么多的女生可分。我们为第四班，是个纯男生班。正因为如此，才是我们班而不是其他别的班被解散，被分插。

　　我们只是在新学期伊始才知道这些。校长把我们召集到一间教室里，告诉了我们分班的情况。我和六名同班同学一起穿过空空荡荡的走廊走进了新教室。我们得到的座位都是剩余的，我的座位在第二排。每人一张课桌，两个课桌并列为一对。共有三个纵排，我坐在中间那排，左边坐着原来班上的同学鲁道夫·巴根，他比较胖，比较安静，是个可信赖的国际象棋和曲棍球手。在原来的班里，我和他几乎没有什么往来，可是到了新班我们很快就成了好朋友。右边的那排坐的都是女生。

　　我的邻桌叫索菲，·她头发棕色，眼睛绿色，皮肤被夏日的阳光晒成棕色，裸露的胳膊上长着金黄色的汗毛。我坐下之后，向四周张望了一下，她冲我笑了笑。

　　我也报之以微笑。我现在自我感觉良好，很高兴在新的班级里开始新的生活，还为班里有女生而高兴。在六年级时，我曾经观察过我的男同学：不管班里是否有女同学，他们都怕她们，回避她们，或者在她们面前吹牛，或者对她们崇拜得五体投地。我了解女人，可以和她们友好地、泰然自若地相处。女孩子们也喜欢这样，在新班里，我要和她们融洽相处，同样也要和男同学友好相处。

　　所有的人都是像我一样吗？我在年轻时总是感觉不是太自信了，就是．不知所措；不是显得完全无能、微不足道或一事无成，就是自我认为在各方面都很成功，而且必须在各方面都要成功。只要我自信，就可以克服最大的困难。但一个小小的失败又足以让我感到我一事无成。重新获得的自信从不是成功的结果。我也期望自己能做出成绩，渴望他人的认同，但我却很少能做出什么成绩，即使能，也都是微不足道的成绩。我能否感觉到这种微不足道，是否为这种微不足道的成绩感到自豪，这完全取决于我的心清如何。几个星期以来，和汉娜在一起我感觉很不错，尽管我们之间有争吵，尽管她不断地训斥我，而我又总是屈就于她。这样，随着新班级生活的开始，一个愉快的夏天也来临了。

　　我眼前的教室是这样的：门在右前方，右面墙上是木制挂衣钩，左边是一排窗户，透过窗户可以望到圣山。当课间休息时，我们站在窗前，这时向外可以看到下面的街道、一条河。以及河对岸的一片草坪。前面是黑板、放地图的架子和图表。在齐脚面高的小讲台上摆着讲桌和椅子。内墙到齐头高的地方都剧上了黄色的油漆，一人高以上的地方刷上了白色。天花板上吊了两个乳白色的圆灯泡。教室里再没有什么多余的东西，没有图片，没有植物，没有多余的桌位，没有放忘记带走的书本或者彩色粉笔的柜子。如果你的眼睛开小差的话，你只能把目光投向窗外或者偷看邻桌的男女同学。当索菲察觉到我在看她时，就转向我这边来，对我笑笑。

　　"白格，即使索菲是一个希腊名字，那您也没有理由在上希腊语课时研究您的邻桌女同学。快翻译！"

　　我们翻译《奥德赛》，我读过德文版，很喜欢读，直到今天仍旧很喜欢。如果轮到我的话，我只需几秒钟，就能进入状态把它翻译出来。但当老师把我叫起来，又把我和索菲的名字联系在一起时，同学们哄堂大笑。当他们的笑声停止时，我却由于其他的原因口吃起来。瑞西卡，这个婀娜多姿、手臂白嫩的少女，她应该是汉娜呢，还是索菲？反正她应该是二者中的一个。

1 watershed   

n.转折点，分水岭，分界线

参考例句：

• Our marriage was at a watershed.我们的婚姻到了一个转折关头。
• It forms the watershed between the two rivers.它成了两条河流的分水岭。

2 aisle   

n.（教堂、教室、戏院等里的）过道，通道

参考例句：

• The aisle was crammed with people.过道上挤满了人。
• The girl ushered me along the aisle to my seat.引座小姐带领我沿着通道到我的座位上去。

3 setback   

n.退步，挫折，挫败

参考例句：

• Since that time there has never been any setback in his career.从那时起他在事业上一直没有遇到周折。
• She views every minor setback as a disaster.她把每个较小的挫折都看成重大灾难。

4 utterly   

adv.完全地，绝对地

参考例句：

• Utterly devoted to the people,he gave his life in saving his patients.他忠于人民，把毕生精力用于挽救患者的生命。
• I was utterly ravished by the way she smiled.她的微笑使我完全陶醉了。

5 regaining   

复得( regain的现在分词 )； 赢回； 重回； 复至某地

参考例句：

• She was regaining consciousness now, but the fear was coming with her. 现在她正在恢发她的知觉，但是恐怖也就伴随着来了。
• She said briefly, regaining her will with a click. 她干脆地答道，又马上重新振作起精神来。

6 craved   

渴望，热望( crave的过去式 )； 恳求，请求

参考例句：

• She has always craved excitement. 她总渴望刺激。
• A spicy, sharp-tasting radish was exactly what her stomach craved. 她正馋着想吃一个香甜可口的红萝卜呢。

7 paltry   

adj.无价值的，微不足道的

参考例句：

• The parents had little interest in paltry domestic concerns.那些家长对家里鸡毛蒜皮的小事没什么兴趣。
• I'm getting angry;and if you don't command that paltry spirit of yours.我要生气了，如果你不能振作你那点元气。

8 milky   

adj.牛奶的，多奶的；乳白色的

参考例句：

• Alexander always has milky coffee at lunchtime.亚历山大总是在午餐时喝掺奶的咖啡。
• I like a hot milky drink at bedtime.我喜欢睡前喝杯热奶饮料。

9 superfluous   

adj.过多的，过剩的，多余的

参考例句：

• She fined away superfluous matter in the design. 她删去了这图案中多余的东西。
• That request seemed superfluous when I wrote it.我这样写的时候觉得这个请求似乎是多此一举。

10 odyssey   

n.长途冒险旅行；一连串的冒险

参考例句：

• The march to Travnik was the final stretch of a 16-hour odyssey.去特拉夫尼克的这段路是长达16小时艰险旅行的最后一程。
• His odyssey of passion, friendship,love,and revenge was now finished.他的热情、友谊、爱情和复仇的漫长历程，到此结束了。