W HEN AN airplane's engines fail, it is not the end of the flight. Airplanes don’t fall out of the sky like stones. They glide1 on, the enormous multi-engined passenger jets, for thirty, forty-five minutes, only to smash themselves up when they attempt a landing. The passengers don’t notice a thing. Flying feels the same whether the engines are working or not. It’s quieter, but only slightly: the wind drowns out the engines as it buffets3 the tail and wings. At some point, the earth or sea look dangerously close through the window. But perhaps the movie is on, and the stewards4 and air hostesses have closed the shades. Maybe the very quietness of the flight is appealing to the passengers.
That summer was the glide path of our love. Or rather, of my love for Hanna. I don’t know about her love for me.
We kept up our ritual of reading aloud, showering, making love, and then lying together. I read her War and Peace with all of Tolstoy’s disquisitions on history, great men, Russia, love and marriage; it must have lasted forty or fifty hours. Again, Hanna became absorbed in the unfolding of the book. But it was different this time; she withheld5 her own opinions; she didn’t make Natasha, Andrei, and Pierre part of her world, as she had Luise and Emilia, but entered their world the way one sets out on a long and dazzling journey, or enters a castle which one is allowed to visit, even stay in until one feels at home, but without ever really shedding one’s inhibitions. All the things I had read to her before were already familiar to me. War and Peace was new for me, too. We took the long journey together.
We thought up pet names for each other. She began not just to call me Kid, but gave me other attributes and diminutives6, such as Frog or Toad7, Puppy, Toy, and Rose. I stuck to Hanna, until she asked me, “Which animal do you see when you hold me and close your eyes and think of animals?” I closed my eyes and thought of animals. We were lying snuggled close together, my head on her neck, my neck on her breasts, my right arm underneath8 her against her back and my left hand on her behind. I ran my arms and hands over her broad back, her hard thighs9, her firm ass2, and also felt the solidity of her breasts and stomach against my neck and chest. Her skin was smooth and soft to the touch, the body beneath it strong and reliable. When my hand lay on her calf10, I felt the constant twitching11 play of muscles. It reminded me of the way a horse twitches12 its hide to repel13 flies. “A horse.”
“A horse?” She disentangled herself, sat up and stared at me, stared in shock.
“You don’t like it? It came to me because you feel so good, smooth and soft and all firm and strong underneath. And because your calf twitches.” I explained my association.
She looked at the ripple14 of the muscles in her calf. “Horse.” She shook her head. “I don’t know . . .”
That wasn’t how she usually was. Usually she was absolutely single-minded, whether in agreement or disagreement. Faced with her look of shock, I had been ready to take it all back if necessary, blame myself, and apologize. But now I tried to reconcile her to the horse. “I could call you Cheval or Pony15 or Little Equus. When I think of horses, I don’t think horse’s teeth or horse face or whatever it is that worries you, I think of something good, warm, soft, strong. You’re not a bunny or a kitten, and whatever there is in a tiger—that evil something—that’s not you either.”
She lay down on her back, arms behind her head. Now it was me who sat up to look at her. She was staring into space. After a while she turned her face to me. Her expression was curiously16 naked. “Yes, I like it when you call me Horse or those other horse names—can you explain them to me?”
Once we went to the theater in the next town to see Schiller’s Intrigues17 and Love. It was the first time Hanna had been to the theater, and she loved all of it, from the performance to the champagne18 at intermission. I put my arm around her waist, and didn’t care what people might think of us as a couple, and I was proud that I didn’t care. At the same time, I knew that in the theater in our hometown I would care. Did she know that too?
She knew that my life that summer no longer revolved19 around her, and school, and my studies. More and more, when I came to her in the late afternoon, I came from the swimming pool. That was where our class got together, did our homework, played soccer and volleyball and skat, and flirted20. That was where our class socialized, and it meant a lot to me to be part of it and to belong. The fact that I came later than the others or left earlier, depending on Hanna’s schedule, didn’t hurt my reputation, but made me interesting. I knew that. I also knew that I wasn’t missing anything, and yet I often had the feeling that absolutely everything could be happening while I wasn’t there. There was a long stretch when I did not dare ask myself whether I would rather be at the swimming pool or with Hanna. But on my birthday in July, there was a party for me at the pool, and it was hard to tear myself away from it when they didn’t want me to go, and then an exhausted21 Hanna received me in a bad mood. She didn’t know it was my birthday. When I had asked her about hers, and she had told me it was the twenty-first of October, she hadn’t asked me when mine was. She was also no more bad-tempered22 than she always was when she was exhausted. But I was annoyed by her bad temper, and I wanted to be somewhere else, at the pool, away with my classmates, swept up in the exuberance23 of our talk, our banter24, our games, and our flirtations. Then when I proceeded to get bad-tempered myself and we started a fight and Hanna treated me like a nonentity25, the fear of losing her returned and I humbled26 myself and begged her pardon until she took me back. But I was filled with resentment27.
飞机发动机的失灵并不意味飞机末日的马上来临。飞机并不像石头那样从天空突然坠落下来，那种带有多个喷气式发动机的大型客机在坠毁之前，还能继续飞行半小时到四十五分钟。这期间，乘客们什么也感觉不出来。发动机失灵的飞机和发动机正常工作的飞机在飞行中感觉上没有什么不一样，它的声音比较小，但也仅仅是小一点点。比发动机声音大的是机身和机体所带动的风。不定什么时候，当你朝窗外看时，才会发现地面或海洋是那样令人可怕地近在咫尺。或者空中小姐和先生把这光窗关上开始放电影。这时，乘客们甚至可能觉得噪音稍小的飞机还特别舒服。
那个夏天，我们的爱情开始走下坡路，尤其是我对汉娜的爱、她爱我的程度我都一无所知。
我们保持了例行公事式的朗读、淋浴、做爱。躺在一起的习惯。我朗读了《战争与和平》这部托尔斯泰描述历史、伟人、俄国、爱情与婚姻的小说，大概用了四十到五十个小时的时间。汉娜还是一如既往地，紧张地关注着故事情节的发展。与以往有所不同的是，她不再做评论，不再把娜塔莎、安德列和比尔纳入她的世界，就像她曾把露伊莎和爱米丽雅纳入她的世界一样，而是进人了他们的世界，就像一个人惊奇地做一次远一样，或者像一个人进入一座城堡一样，你可以进来，你可以在此逗留，你可以越来越熟悉它，但是却不能一点不胆怯。在此之前，我给她朗读的书，我自己都读过。《战争与和平》对我也是一本新书。我们一起进行了这次远游。
我们相互给对方编造了昵称，她开始不仅仅叫我小家伙了，而是用各种不同的修饰语和缩略词来称呼我；什么青蛙、蛤蟆、小狗、鹅卵石和玫瑰。我一直称她为汉娜，直到她问我："如果你把我搂在怀里，闭上眼睛想一想动物，你会想到什么动物呢？"我闭上眼睛开始想动物。她的皮肤摸上去光滑柔软而她的下身结实有力。当我把手放到她小腿肚子上时，感到她的肌肉开始持续不断地抽动起来。这让我想起了马在驱赶苍蝇时的皮肤抽动。"一匹马。"
"一匹马？"她挣脱了我，坐起来吃惊地望着我。
"你不喜欢吗？我想到了马是因为你摸上去是如此之好，即光滑又柔软，下身结实强壮，而且也因为你的小腿肚子在抽动。"我向她解释我的联想。
她看着她的小腿上的肌肉说："一匹马，"她摇摇头："怎么会……"
那不是她的性格，她一向都不模棱两可，或者是赞同或者是拒绝。在她惊讶目光的注视下，我已做好准备，如果有必要，就收回一切，做自我谴责并向她赔不是。但是，现在我想要尽力用马来和她和解。"我可以用马的不同美称来称呼你，如'谢瓦尔'、呵吁'、小爱快'或'小快快'。我想到马并不是想到了马嚼子或是马的头盖骨或是什么你不喜欢的东西，而是想到了它好的一面，它的温暖、温顺和坚强。你不是小兔子。小猫或者一只母老虎。在这些动物身上有它可恶的一面，你身上并没有。"
地仰面躺着，两个手臂枕在头下面。现在我坐了起来看着她，她的目光空洞无神。过了一会儿，她把脸转向了我，她的面部表情特别真诚。"是的，我喜欢，如果你叫我马或者马其他的名字时，你能给我解释一下吗？"
有一次，我们一起去了临近的城市，在那儿的一家剧院我们看了《阴谋与爱情》那是汉娜第一次看戏，她享受着那里的一切：从演出到中间休息时的香槟酒。我搂着她的腰，无所谓人们可能会把我们看做是一对。我为自己的这种无所谓而自豪。同时，我也知道若在我家乡的剧院里，我就不会无所谓了。她也知道这个吗？
她知道，我的生活在那个夏天不再仅仅是围绕地、学校和学习循环了。下午去她那里时，我常常是游完泳才去，这样的情况越来越多。在游泳池，我们男女同学聚集在一起，一起做作业，踢足球，打排球，玩三人玩的戏牌，一起调情嬉闹。我们班里的课余生活都在那里度过。去那里和属于那里对我来说很重要。我视汉娜的工作时间而定，或者比其他人晚来或者早走。我知道，这对我的名声没有什么坏处，相反，别人都觉得我挺有趣。我也知道，我什么也没错过。可我经常还是有种感觉，好像刚好在我不在时发生了什么事，但鬼知道是什么事。我是否比呆在汉娜那儿更愿意呆在游泳池？这个问题，我很长时间里都不敢对自己提出来。但是，我在七月里的生日却是在游泳池庆祝的。生日过得很遗憾，汉娜筋疲力尽、心情很不好地接待了我，她不知道那天是我的生日。当我问起她的生日时，她说了十月二十一日，并没有问起我的生日。不过，她的情绪也不比她平时精疲力尽时更坏。但是，她不佳的情绪令我生气。我希望离开这儿去游泳池，去我的男女同学们那儿，去和他们轻松地聊天说笑，嘻闹调情。当我也表现出坏情绪时，我们又陷入了争吵。当汉娜不理睬我时，我又害怕失去她了，我低三下四地向她赔不是，直到她把我搂到怀里为止，但是我却满腔怨恨。
收听单词发音 |
1
glide
|
|
| n./v.溜，滑行；(时间)消逝 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
ass
|
|
| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
buffets
|
|
| （火车站的）饮食柜台( buffet的名词复数 )； （火车的）餐车； 自助餐 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
stewards
|
|
| （轮船、飞机等的）乘务员( steward的名词复数 )； （俱乐部、旅馆、工会等的）管理员； （大型活动的）组织者； （私人家中的）管家 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
withheld
|
|
| withhold过去式及过去分词 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
diminutives
|
|
| n.微小( diminutive的名词复数 )；昵称，爱称 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
|
7
toad
|
|
| n.蟾蜍，癞蛤蟆 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
underneath
|
|
| adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
thighs
|
|
| n.股，大腿( thigh的名词复数 )；食用的鸡（等的）腿 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
calf
|
|
| n.小牛，犊，幼仔，小牛皮 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
twitching
|
|
| n.颤搐 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
twitches
|
|
| n.（使）抽动， （使）颤动， （使）抽搐( twitch的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
repel
|
|
| v.击退，抵制，拒绝，排斥 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
ripple
|
|
| n.涟波，涟漪，波纹，粗钢梳；vt.使...起涟漪，使起波纹； vi.呈波浪状，起伏前进 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
pony
|
|
| adj.小型的；n.小马 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
curiously
|
|
| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
intrigues
|
|
| n.密谋策划( intrigue的名词复数 )；神秘气氛；引人入胜的复杂情节v.搞阴谋诡计( intrigue的第三人称单数 )；激起…的好奇心 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
champagne
|
|
| n.香槟酒；微黄色 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
revolved
|
|
| v.（使）旋转( revolve的过去式和过去分词 )；细想 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
flirted
|
|
| v.调情，打情骂俏( flirt的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
exhausted
|
|
| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
bad-tempered
|
|
| adj.脾气坏的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
exuberance
|
|
| n.丰富；繁荣 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
banter
|
|
| n.嘲弄，戏谑；v.取笑，逗弄，开玩笑 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
nonentity
|
|
| n.无足轻重的人 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
humbled
|
|
| adj. 卑下的，谦逊的，粗陋的 vt. 使 ... 卑下，贬低 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
resentment
|
|
| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |