It was three o'clock in the afternoon before the planes came. The snow had all been gone by noon and the rocks were hot now in the sun. There were no clouds in the sky and Robert Jordan sat in the rocks with his shirt off browning his back in the sun and reading the letters that had been in the pockets of the dead cavalryman2. From time to time he would stop reading to look across the open slope to the line of the timber, look over the high country above and then return to the letters. No more cavalry1 had appeared. At intervals3 there would be the sound of a shot from the direction of El Sordo's camp. But the firing was desultory4.
From examining his military papers he knew the boy was from Tafalla in Navarra, twenty-one years old, unmarried, and the son of a blacksmith. His regiment5 was the Nth cavalry, which surprised Robert Jordan, for he had believed that regiment to be in the North. He was a Carlist, and he had been wounded at the fighting for Irun at the start of the war.
I've probably seen him run through the streets ahead of the bulls at the feria in Pamplona, Robert Jordan thought. You never kill any one that you want to kill in a war, he said to himself. Well, hardly ever, he amended6 and went on reading the letters.
The first letters he read were very formal, very carefully written and dealt almost entirely7 with local happenings. They were from his sister and Robert Jordan learned that everything was all right in Tafalla, that father was well, that mother was the same as always but with certain complaints about her back, that she hoped he was well and not in too great danger and she was happy he was doing away with the Reds to liberate8 Spain from the domination of the Marxist hordes9. Then there was a list of those boys from Tafalla who had been killed or badly wounded since she wrote last. She mentioned ten who were killed. That is a great many for a town the size of Tafalla, Robert Jordan thought.
There was quite a lot of religion in the letter and she prayed to Saint Anthony, to the Blessed Virgin10 of Pilar, and to other Virgins11 to protect him and she wanted him never to forget that he was also protected by the Sacred Heart of Jesus that he wore still, she trusted, at all times over his own heart where it had been proven innumerable--this was underlined--times to have the power of stopping bullets. She was as always his loving sister Concha.
This letter was a little stained around the edges and Robert Jordan put it carefully back with the military papers and opened a letter with a less severe handwriting. It was from the boy's _novia_, his fianc嶪, and it was quietly, formally, and completely hysterical12 with concern for his safety. Robert Jordan read it through and then put all the letters together with the papers into his hip13 pocket. He did not want to read the other letters.
I guess I've done my good deed for today, he said to himself. I guess you have all right, he repeated.
"What are those you were reading?" Primitivo asked him.
"The documentation and the letters of that _requet嶱 we shot this morning. Do you want to see it?"
"I can't read," Primitivo said. "Was there anything interesting?"
"No," Robert Jordan told him. "They are personal letters."
"How are things going where he came from? Can you tell from the letters?"
"They seem to be going all right," Robert Jordan said. "There are many losses in his town." He looked down to where the blind for the automatic rifle had been changed a little and improved after the snow melted. It looked convincing enough. He looked off across the country.
"From what town is he?" Primitivo asked.
"Tafalla," Robert Jordan told him.
All right, he said to himself. I'm sorry, if that does any good.
It doesn't, he said to himself.
All right then, drop it, he said to himself.
All right, it's dropped.
But it would not drop that easily. How many is that you have killed? he asked himself. I don't know. Do you think you have a right to kill any one? No. But I have to. How many of those you have killed have been real fascists14? Very few. But they are all the enemy to whose force we are opposing force. But you like the people of Navarra better than those of any other part of Spain. Yes. And you kill them. Yes. If you don't believe it go down there to the camp. Don't you know it is wrong to kill? Yes. But you do it? Yes. And you still believe absolutely that your cause is right? Yes.
It is right, he told himself, not reassuringly15, but proudly. I believe in the people and their right to govern themselves as they wish. But you mustn't believe in killing16, he told himself. You must do it as a necessity but you must not believe in it. If you believe in it the whole thing is wrong.
But how many do you suppose you have killed? I don't know because I won't keep track. But do you know? Yes. How many? You can't be sure how many. Blowing the trains you kill many. Very many. But you can't be sure. But of those you are sure of? More than twenty. And of those how many were real fascists? Two that I am sure of. Because I had to shoot them when we took them prisoners at Usera. And you did not mind that? No. Nor did you like it? No. I decided17 never to do it again. I have avoided it. I have avoided killing those who are unarmed.
Listen, he told himself. You better cut this out. This is very bad for you and for your work. Then himself said back to him, You listen, see? Because you are doing something very serious and I have to see you understand it all the time. I have to keep you straight in your head. Because if you are not absolutely straight in your head you have no right to do the things you do for all of them are crimes and no man has a right to take another man's life unless it is to prevent something worse happening to other people. So get it straight and do not lie to yourself.
But I won't keep a count of people I have killed as though it were a trophy18 record or a disgusting business like notches19 in a gun, he told himself. I have a right to not keep count and I have a right to forget them.
No, himself said. You have no right to forget anything. You have no right to shut your eyes to any of it nor any right to forget any of it nor to soften20 it nor to change it.
Shut up, he told himself. You're getting awfully21 pompous22.
Nor ever to deceive yourself about it, himself went on.
All right, he told himself. Thanks for all the good advice and is it all right for me to love Maria?
Yes, himself said.
Even if there isn't supposed to be any such thing as love in a purely23 materialistic24 conception of society?
Since when did you ever have any such conception? himself asked. Never. And you never could have. You're not a real Marxist and you know it. You believe in Liberty, Equality and Fraternity. You believe in Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. Don't ever kid yourself with too much dialectics. They are for some but not for you. You have to know them in order not to be a sucker. You have put many things in abeyance25 to win a war. If this war is lost all of those things are lost.
But afterwards you can discard what you do not believe in. There is plenty you do not believe in and plenty that you do believe in.
And another thing. Don't ever kid yourself about loving some one. It is just that most people are not lucky enough ever to have it. You never had it before and now you have it. What you have with Maria, whether it lasts just through today and a part of tomorrow, or whether it lasts for a long life is the most important thing that can happen to a human being. There will always be people who say it does not exist because they cannot have it. But I tell you it is true and that you have it and that you are lucky even if you die tomorrow.
Cut out the dying stuff, he said to himself. That's not the way we talk. That's the way our friends the anarchists26 talk. Whenever things get really bad they want to set fire to something and to die. It's a very odd kind of mind they have. Very odd. Well, we're getting through today, old timer, he told himself. It's nearly three o'clock now and there is going to be some food sooner or later. They are still shooting up at Sordo's, which means that they have him surrounded and are waiting to bring up more people, probably. Though they have to make it before dark.
I wonder what it is like up at Sordo's. That's what we all have to expect, given enough time. I imagine it is not too jovial27 up at Sordo's. We certainly got Sordo into a fine jam with that horse business. How does it go in Spanish? _Un callej鏮 sin salida_. A passageway with no exit. I suppose I could go through with it all right. You only have to do it once and it is soon over with. But wouldn't it be luxury to fight in a war some time where, when you were surrounded, you could surrender? _Estamos copados_. We are surrounded. That was the great panic cry of this war. Then the next thing was that you were shot; with nothing bad before if you were lucky. Sordo wouldn't be lucky that way. Neither would they when the time ever came.
It was three o'clock. Then he heard the far-off, distant throbbing28 and, looking up, he saw the planes.
等到卞午三点，飞机才飞来。雪到中午就全化掉了，岩石如今被阳光晒得很热。喑空无云，罗伯特 乔丹坐在岩石堆中,脱掉了衬衫，让阳光晒着背脊，看那个死去的骑兵衣袋里的信件。他不时放下了信,望望宽阔的斜坡对面那排树林，望望上面的髙地，接着继续看信。再没有出现骑兵。“荣子”营地那个方向偶尔传来一声枪响。这种射击是零零碎碎的。
他仔细看了死者部队里的证件，知道这青年是纳瓦拉省塔法利亚人，二十一岁，未婚，是铁匠的儿子。他所厲的团队是风骑兵团，这使罗伯特，乔丹稂铭异，因为他原来以为这支部队在北方。此人拥护西班牙王室，战争初斯曾在围攻伊伦的战斗中负过伤。
罗伯特 乔丹想，说不定在潘普洛纳过节的时候，我见过他在街上在公牛前面奔跑躲避①。他对自己说,在战争中，你杀的任何人总不是你想杀的人。唉,差不多都不是的,他修正了自己
①潘苷洛纳为西班牙一古城,当时为纳瓦拉省省会，在这骑兵家乡塔法利亚以北。毎年七月圣费尔明节斯间，有盛大的斗牛赛，人们事先把公牛在大街上一直赶到斗牛场去，一路上喝醉了酒的居民们任惫逗弄公牛，有的甚至被牛角挑饬，但在那如醉如狂的欢乐气敢中，人们不以为意的想法，就继续看信了，
他看的头几封信写得十分正经仔细，谈的几乎全是当地的新闻。那是他姐姐写来的，因此罗伯特 乔丹了解到。”塔法利亚一切平安，父亲健朗，母亲还是老样子，只是有些鼷酸背痛,她祝他平安，希望他处境不太危险，她髙兴的是他正在消灭赤色分于，把西班牙从马克思主义匪帮统治下解放出来。接着是一张塔法利亚的青年的名单，自从她上次写信以来，这些人有的阵亡了，有的受了重伤。她提到了十个死者的名字，罗伯特，乔丹想。”对塔法利亚这种规摸的城市来说,死的人真不算少了。
这封信宗教气息很浓。她祈求圣安东尼，祈求比拉尔的圣母,祈求其他圣母①保佑他，她要他永远别忘掉，那个她相信他始终佩戴在自己胸前的耶稣基督圣心也在保佑他，这种圣心经过无数次的实例一“无数次”三字下面划了道道一证明具有阻挡枪弹的功能。她是永远爱他的姐姐孔査。
这封信信纸的四周有些脏，罗伯特。乔丹小心地重新把它和部队里的证件放在一起，打开一封字迹没那么端正的信。那是这靑年的未婚妻写给他的，信中隐隐地、一本正经地、十足神经质地为他的安全担心。罗伯待〃乔丹把它看了—遍，就把所有的信件和证件一起放进他的后裤袋里。他不想看其他的信了，他对自己说,看来我今天干了一件好事。他又说了一遍。”看来你确实干了一件好事。
“你看的是些什么东西?”普里米蒂伏问他。
“今天早晨我们毙掉的那个保皇派的证件和信。你要看看吗？”
①天主教各大教童、圣地及神龛往往有圣母玛丽1像，各有各的名称。此处的比拉尔为地名.
“我不识字，”普里米蒂伏说。“有什么要紧的事吗。”“没有，”罗伯特 乔丹对他说。“是些私人信件。““他家乡情况怎么样？你从信上能看出来吗？“看来情况不错，”罗伯特 乔丹说。〃他家乡的人伤亡很多。”他低头望着掩护自动步枪的地方,化雪后有些变样,更完醬了，看起来没有什么疑点 他转过头去眺望田野对面，“他是什么地方的人？”普里米蒂伏问 “塔法利亚，”罗伯特 乔丹告诉他。好吧，他对自己说。我感到遗憾,要是这样说有什么好处的话。
没什么好处啊，他对自已说。那么好吧，别想它了，他对自己说。行啦，不想了。
伹是要不想也不那么容易。他问自己,你杀掉的人有多少？我不知道。你以为自己有权杀人吗?没有。可是我不得不杀。你杀掉的人中间有几个是真正的法西斯分子？很少。可是他们都、是敌人，我们用武力对付他们的武力。可是你对纳瓦拉人比对西班牙任何地方的人都更有好感。对,可是你杀他们。对。如果你不相信，那么下山回苕地去看看吧。你知道杀人是伤夭害理的吗？对。可是你还是杀了？对。你仍然绝对相信自己的事业是正义的？对，他并不是为了给自己打气，而是骄傲地对自，“说 是正义的。我相信人民,相信他们有权按照自己的愿望管理自己。但是你别相信杀人啊，他对自己说。你只能在万不得已的时候才杀人，但千万别迷信杀人，如果你相信杀人的话，那就全盘都镨
了
但是依你看你已经杀了多少人？我不知道，因为我不想记录下来。可是你知道吗？知道。有多少呢?你就说不准有多少了 炸火车时你杀了很多。很多很多。可是你说不准。那你能说准的有多少？二十个以上。其中有几个是真正的法西斯分子？我敢肯定的有两个，因为当我在乌塞拉俘虏他们的时候，我不得不毙了他们。这你不放在心上？对。可是你不喜欢这种事吧?不喜欢。我决心不再这祥做。我避免这样做。我避免杀那些手无寸铁的人 他对自己说 听着,你还是别想这个问埋了。这对你和你的工作是很不利的，他的自我接着对他说。”你听着，知迸吗[因为你正在做一件十分严肃的事，我得使你时刻记在心上。我必须使你保持头脑清醒。因为，煆如你的头脑不是绝对清醒，你躭没权利做你在做的事,因为这一切都是罪華，谁也没权利夺取别人的生命,除非为了防止其他的人遭到更大的不幸。所以,头脑要淸醒,别骗你自己。
他对自己说。”伹是我不愿把我杀掉的人象战利品或者枪托上的计数刻痕那样记录下来，那使人厌恶。我有权不把被杀的人数记录下来，我有权忘掉他们。
他的自我说:不，你没权忘掉任何事物。对这中间的任何亊物你都无权闭眼不看、抛到脑后、加以冲淡或者壤改。
住口，他对自己说。你变得夸夸其谈了。
关于这件事,也决不要编自己啦，他的自我接着说，好吧，他对自己说，谢谢所有的忠告，那么我爱玛丽亚行不行呢？
他的自我说；行。
根据纯之又纯的唯物主义的社会观，爱情这种东西看来是稂本不存在的，那么即使这样也行吗？
你从什么时侯开始有这种观念的？他的自我问道。稂本没有。你根本就不可能有。你不是真正的马克思主义者，这你自己知道。你信仰“自由、平等、博爱”。你信仰“生命、自由和对幸福的追求”①。别用太多的辩证法来作弄你自己了。那是给别人应用的，不是给你的。你必须知道那一套。为，“打赢这场战争，你把很多事情搁在一边了。假如这场战争失敗的话，一切都完蛋
然而等到事过塊迁了，你可以摒弃你不相信的一切。你不相信的事情很多，而你相信的事情也不少。
还有一点。”爱情决非儿戏。问翅仅仅在于大多数人命运欠佳,得不到爱慊。你已往从没得到过爱情,现在得到了。你从玛丽亚那里得到的爱情，不管它只能持缕今天一天和明天的部分时间,或者能持续长久的一辈子，毕竟是人生所能遇到的最重大的事情。常有人说，爱情是不存在的，原因是他们得不到它。可是我对你说,爱情真是有的，你得到了它,哪怕你明天就死去，也是幸运的。
别谈死亡这种事情了，他对自己说。我们可不能说这种话。那是我们的朋友，无政府主义者的话鹿。每当情況真的恶化，他们就想去放火，去送死。他们的思想方法十分古怪。十分古怪。得了,今天我们快过完了，老伙计，他对自己说。现在快三点了，迟早就要有吃的东西送来了。“聋子”那里还在开火,那就是说，他们也许把他包围了，在等增拔,尽管他们必须在断黑前结束这场战斗。
①前者是法国大革命时提出的口号，后者引自美国革命时的《独立窒宫、后来写进了典国宪法，作为公民的基本权利乡两者都厲于资产阶级民主革命思想范畴
我不知道“聋子”那儿的情况怎样。我们大家迟早也会遇到这种事。想来“聋子”那儿情绪不会太髙。我们叫他去摘些马来,当然会使他陷入了困境。这个词儿在西班牙语中怎么说？一条死胡同。看来我能顺利地度过这次战斗吧。这事佾只要干一次，就结束了。但是，如果有一夭在战争中你被包围了能投降的话，那么打仗不是就成为愉快的事儿了吗？“我们被包围了”这是这次战争中最令人惊慌的呼喊。其次就是你遭到枪击；如果走运的话，在这之前没有什么别的不幸了。“聋子”可不那么走运。等到轮到他们的时候，他们也不会走运了。
三点钟了。他听到远处的隆隆声，抬头一望，看到了飞机。
收听单词发音 |
1
cavalry
|
|
| n.骑兵；轻装甲部队 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
cavalryman
|
|
| 骑兵 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
intervals
|
|
| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
desultory
|
|
| adj.散漫的，无方法的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
regiment
|
|
| n.团，多数，管理；v.组织，编成团，统制 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
Amended
|
|
| adj. 修正的 动词amend的过去式和过去分词 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
entirely
|
|
| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
liberate
|
|
| v.解放，使获得自由，释出，放出；vt.解放，使获自由 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
hordes
|
|
| n.移动着的一大群( horde的名词复数 )；部落 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
virgin
|
|
| n.处女，未婚女子；adj.未经使用的；未经开发的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
virgins
|
|
| 处女，童男( virgin的名词复数 )； 童贞玛利亚（耶稣之母） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
hysterical
|
|
| adj.情绪异常激动的，歇斯底里般的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
hip
|
|
| n.臀部，髋；屋脊 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
fascists
|
|
| n.法西斯主义的支持者( fascist的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
reassuringly
|
|
| ad.安心，可靠 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
killing
|
|
| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
decided
|
|
| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
trophy
|
|
| n.优胜旗，奖品，奖杯，战胜品，纪念品 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
notches
|
|
| n.（边缘或表面上的）V型痕迹( notch的名词复数 )；刻痕；水平；等级 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
soften
|
|
| v.(使)变柔软；(使)变柔和 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
awfully
|
|
| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
pompous
|
|
| adj.傲慢的，自大的；夸大的；豪华的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
purely
|
|
| adv.纯粹地，完全地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
materialistic
|
|
| a.唯物主义的，物质享乐主义的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
abeyance
|
|
| n.搁置，缓办，中止，产权未定 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
anarchists
|
|
| 无政府主义者( anarchist的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
jovial
|
|
| adj.快乐的，好交际的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
throbbing
|
|
| a. 跳动的,悸动的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |