Robert Jordan lay in the robe beside the girl Maria who was still sleeping. He lay on his side turned away from the girl and he felt her long body against his back and the touch of it now was just an irony1. You, you, he raged at himself. Yes, you. You told yourself the first time you saw him that when he would be friendly would be when the treachery would come. You damned fool. You utter blasted damned fool. Chuck all that. That's not what you have to do now.
What are the chances that he hid them or threw them away? Not so good. Besides you'd never find them in the dark. He would have kept them. He took some dynamite2, too. Oh, the dirty, vile3, treacherous4 sod. The dirty rotten crut. Why couldn't he have just mucked off and not have taken the exploder and the detonators? Why was I such an utter goddamned fool as to leave them with that bloody5 woman? The smart, treacherous ugly bastard6. The dirty _cabr鏮_.
Cut it out and take it easy, he told himself. You had to take chances and that was the best there was. You're just mucked, he told himself. You're mucked for good and higher than a kite. Keep your damned head and get the anger out and stop this cheap lamenting7 like a damned wailing8 wall. It's gone. God damn you, it's gone. Oh damn the dirty swine to hell. You can muck your way out of it. You've got to, you know you've got to blow it if you have to stand there and--cut Out that stuff, too. Why don't you ask your grandfather?
Oh, muck my grandfather and muck this whole treacherous muckfaced mucking country and every mucking Spaniard in it on either side and to hell forever. Muck them to hell together, Largo9, Prieto, Asensio, Miaja, Rojo, all of them. Muck every one of them to death to hell. Muck the whole treachery-ridden country. Muck their egotism and their selfishness and their selfishness and their egotism and their conceit10 and their treachery. Muck them to hell and always. Muck them before we die for them. Muck them after we die for them. Muck them to death and hell. God muck Pablo. Pablo is all of them. God pity the Spanish people. Any leader they have will muck them. One good man, Pablo Iglesias, in two thousand years and everybody else mucking them. How do we know how he would have stood up in this war? I remember when I thought Largo was O.K. Durruti was good and his own people shot him there at the Puente de los Franceses. Shot him because he wanted them to attack. Shot him in the glorious discipline of indiscipline. The cowardly swine. Oh muck them all to hell and be damned. And that Pablo that just mucked off with my exploder and my box of detonators. Oh muck him to deepest hell. But no. He's mucked us instead. They always muck you instead, from Cortez and Menendez de Avila down to Miaja. Look at what Miaja did to Kleber. The bald egotistical swine. The stupid egg-headed bastard. Muck all the insane, egotistical, treacherous swine that have always governed Spain and ruled her armies. Muck everybody but the people and then be damned careful what they turn into when they have power.
His rage began to thin as he exaggerated more and more and spread his scorn and contempt so widely and unjustly that he could no longer believe in it himself. If that were true what are you here for? It's not true and you know it. Look at all the good ones. Look at all the fine ones. He could not bear to be unjust. He hated injustice11 as he hated cruelty and he lay in his rage that blinded his mind until gradually the anger died down and the red, black, blinding, killing12 anger was all gone and his mind now as quiet, empty-calm and sharp, cold-seeing as a man is after he has had sexual intercourse13 with a woman that he does not love.
"And you, you poor rabbit," he leaned over and said to Maria, who smiled in her sleep and moved close against him. "I would have struck thee there awhile back if thou had spoken. What an animal a man is in a rage."
He lay close to the girl now with his arms around her and his chin on her shoulder and lying there he figured out exactly what he would have to do and how he would have to do it.
And it isn't so bad, he thought. It really isn't so bad at all. I don't know whether any one has ever done it before. But there will always be people who will do it from now on, given a similar jam. If we do it and if they hear about it. If they hear about it, yes. If they do not just wonder how it was we did it. We are too short of people but there is no sense to worry about that. I will do the bridge with what we have. God, I'm glad I got over being angry. It was like not being able to breathe in a storm. That being angry is another damned luxury you can't afford.
"It's all figured out, _guapa_," he said softly against Maria's shoulder. "You haven't been bothered by any of it. You have not known about it. We'll be killed but we'll blow the bridge. You have not had to worry about it. That isn't much of a wedding present. But is not a good night's sleep supposed to be priceless? You had a good night's sleep. See if you can wear that like a ring on your finger. Sleep, _guapa_. Sleep well, my beloved. I do not wake thee. That is all I can do for thee now."
He lay there holding her very lightly, feeling her breathe and feeling her heart beat, and keeping track of the time on his wrist watch.
罗伯特 乔丹躺在睡袋里，挨着仍在睡梦中的玛丽亚。他惻身背对着姑娘，感到她颀长的身体碰着他的背，这时的接触仅仅成了一种嘲弄。你哬，你，他跟自己大发脾气。是啊,你。你第—次见到巴勃罗时就对自己说 当他表示友好的时候，就是要出卖你的时候。你这该死的笨蛋。你这该死的十足笨蛋。什么也别谈啦。现在不是抱怨的时候。
他可能把这些东西藏起来,还是扔掉呢？看来情况不大妙。再说，你在黑暗中哪里找得到柄。他会把东西欺起来的。他还拿走了—些炸药。嘿，这个卑鄉、恶劣、奸诈的酒鬼。这个卑瞅、不要脸的窝囊废。他自己滚蛋就行了，为什么要把引爆器和雷管带走呢？我怎么这样愚蠢，把东西交给那个混帐女人着管呢？这个狡猾、奸诈的狗杂种。这个卑鄙的王八蛋。
别多说了，宽心些吧，他对自己说。你只得听天由命,这是最好的办法。他对自己说 你就是给弄得晕头转向，晕得到了家。你脑袋不要发昏，别发脾气了，停止这种没有价值的怨天尤人吧。东旌没啦，真该死，东西没啦，让那卑鄞的畜生见鬼去吧3。
你可以闯过这一关的。你非这样不可，你知道非炸挢不可,如果你要在那儿站稳脚跟并且一也别想这事了。你为什么不请教你的祖父呢？
嘿，我的袓父、这整个奸诈的棍账国家、交战双方的每个西班牙人都统统见鬼去，永世不得翻身。统统都给我见鬼去,拉尔戈、普列托、阿森西奥、米亚哈、罗霍，每个人都给我见鬼去吧。滚他妈的，这到处是奸诈的国家。滚他妈的，他们那利已主义、自私心理、个人主义、自负和奸诈，永远见鬼去吧。在我们为他们送死之前先滚他们的蛋。在我们为他们送死之后滚他们的蛋。叫他们见鬼去吧。上帝舸，滚他妈的巴勃罗。巴勃罗是他们的象征。上帝怜悯西班牙人民吧。他们的任何领袖都将使他们倒猱。两千年来只出了一个好人，巴勃罗 伊格莱西亚斯①，别的人都使他们倒霉。我们没法知道他在这次战争中是不是能坚持下去。我记得，当初我还以为拉尔戈②满不错呢。杜鲁蒂是个好人，但他的自已人在法圉人桥上把他枪杀了。枪杀他，是因为他要他们朝前进攻。根据光荣的无纪律的纪律枪杀了他。这阻小的畜生。嘿，这些该死的都见鬼去吧。还有那个刚偷走我的引爆器和我盒雷管的巴勃罗。嘿，把他打入十八层地狱里去吧。可是,不。倒是他坑了我们。从科尔特斯、梅嫩德斯。德阿维拉直到米亚哈都坑了我们。瞧米亚哈是怎祥对待克莱伯的。
①巴勃罗，伊格莱西亚斯（为西班牙社会主乂运动的先驵，于一)、八五年创办《社会主义者报、进而筹组工人大同盟。一九一〇年成为被选入议会的第一个社会党人。为，“爱戴他，人们称他为“老爷爷\拉尔戈为矿工出身的社会党入，一九三一年推翻君主制后，他出任劳动部邾长。内战瀑发后，他担任总理，一九三七年五月袪内格林所替代-他曾领导‘工人部队-在瓜达拉‘马山2作战。
这个自高自大的秃顶的畜生。这个愚套的、脑袋象鸡蛋那样精光的杂种。滚他妈的,那些个疯狂、自私、奸诈、一贯统治着西班牙和她的军队的畜生。除了老百姓，个个都滚他妈的蛋。等这帮人一旦掌了权，可得千万小心啊，留神他们会变成什么样子。他越骂越过分，蔑视和嘲笑的面越来越。”，越来越不公正，连他自己也不相信了。他的愤怒开始平息了。如果你说的是事实，那你在这儿干什么？那不是事实，你知道这一点。瞧瞧那些好人吧，瞧瞧那些优秀人物吧。他不愿对人不公正，他僧恨不公正，就象他僧恨残暴一样。他销着，狂怒冲昏了他的头脑，终于渐渐平息，那不分青红皂白、不可遏止、杀气腾腾的怒火全消失了，他的心佾变得平静、空虚、敏锐，抱着冷眼旁观的态度，就象 个人和他所不爱的女人发生关系之后的感觉一样。
“你啊，你这可怜的兔子，”他侧过身来，对玛丽亚说。她在睡梦中微笑着，并向他挨近。”要是你刚才开口说话，我会动手打你的。一个人发脾气的时侯多象畜生哨
他这时紧偎在姑娘身边,双臂搂者她,下巴贴在她肩上。他躺在那儿,仔细计划着他得干些什么，得怎么干。
他想,情况并不那么糟,事实上一点也不糟。我不知道别人以前是杏干过这种事。伹是今后,遇到类似的困境,总会有人去干的。问题是如果我们干了这事，而人们也听说了这事。如果人们听说了这事，那就行。如果人们没听说，他们就会奇怪我们是怎样干成的。我们人手太少了，不过为此而发愁是没有意思的。我要用我们现有的力量来炸桥。上帝啊，高兴的是我终于克服了愤怒。愤怒给人的感觉就象在暴风雨中透不过气来一样。发怒是你另一个不该有的奢望-
“全都计划好了,漂亮的姑娘，”他凑在玛丽亚肩上，温柔地说。“你一点也没被它打扰。你还不明白是怎么回事呢。我们要死啦，伹是我们会把桥炸掉。你不必为此发愁。那说不上是什么结婚礼品。然而人们不是说一夜安眠值千金吗？你安眠了一夜。看你能不能把这当指环戴在手指上。睡吧,溱亮的姑娘。好好睡吧，我亲爱的。我不来弄醒你。我现在能为你做的事只有这一件了。”
他躺在那儿，十分轻柔地抱着她，感觉到她的呼吸和心跳,住意着他手表上的时间。
收听单词发音 |
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irony
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| n.反语，冷嘲；具有讽刺意味的事，嘲弄 | |
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dynamite
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| n./vt.(用)炸药(爆破) | |
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3
vile
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| adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的 | |
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4
treacherous
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| adj.不可靠的，有暗藏的危险的；adj.背叛的，背信弃义的 | |
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bloody
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| adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染 | |
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bastard
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| n.坏蛋，混蛋；私生子 | |
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lamenting
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| adj.悲伤的，悲哀的v.（为…）哀悼，痛哭，悲伤( lament的现在分词 ) | |
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wailing
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| v.哭叫，哀号( wail的现在分词 )；沱 | |
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largo
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| n.广板乐章；adj.缓慢的，宽广的；adv.缓慢地，宽广地 | |
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10
conceit
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| n.自负，自高自大 | |
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injustice
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| n.非正义，不公正，不公平，侵犯（别人的）权利 | |
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12
killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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