The return of Roberta and Clyde, as well as their outing together, was quite unobserved, as they thought. On thecar from Fonda they recognized no one. And at the Newtons' Grace was already in bed. She merely awakenedsufficiently to ask a few questions about the trip--and those were casual and indifferent. How was Roberta's sister? Had she stayed all day in Homer or had she gone to Biltz or Trippetts Mills? (Roberta explained that shehad remained at her sister's.) She herself must be going up pretty soon to see her parents at Trippetts Mills. Thenshe fell asleep.
But at dinner the next night the Misses Opal Feliss and Olive Pope, who had been kept from the breakfast tableby a too late return from Fonda and the very region in which Roberta had spent Saturday afternoon, now seatedthemselves and at once, as Roberta entered, interjected a few genial1 and well-meant but, in so far as Roberta wasconcerned, decidedly troubling observations.
"Oh, there you are! Look who's back from Starlight Park. Howja like the dancing over there, Miss Alden? Wesaw you, but you didn't see us." And before Roberta had time to think what to reply, Miss Feliss had added: "Wetried to get your eye, but you couldn't see any one but him, I guess. I'll say you dance swell3."At once Roberta, who had never been on very intimate terms with either of these girls and who had neither theeffrontery nor the wit to extricate4 herself from so swift and complete and so unexpected an exposure, flushed.
She was all but speechless and merely stared, bethinking her at once that she had explained to Grace that she wasat her sister's all day. And opposite sat Grace, looking directly at her, her lips slightly parted as though she wouldexclaim: "Well, of all things! And dancing! A man!" And at the head of the table, George Newton, thin andmeticulous and curious, his sharp eyes and nose and pointed5 chin now turned in her direction.
But on the instant, realizing that she must say something, Roberta replied: "Oh, yes, that's so. I did go over therefor a little while. Some friends of my sister's were coming over and I went with them." She was about to add,"We didn't stay very long," but stopped herself. For at that moment a certain fighting quality which she hadinherited from her mother, and which had asserted itself in the case of Grace before this, now came to her rescue.
After all, why shouldn't she be at Starlight Park if she chose? And what right had the Newtons or Grace oranyone else to question her for that matter? She was paying her way. Nevertheless, as she realized, she had beencaught in a deliberate lie and all because she lived here and was constantly being questioned and looked after inregard to her very least move. Miss Pope added curiously6, "I don't suppose he's a Lycurgus boy. I don'tremember ever seeing him around here.""No, he isn't from here," returned Roberta shortly and coldly, for by now she was fairly quivering with therealization that she had been caught in a falsehood before Grace. Also that Grace would resent intensely thissocial secrecy7 and desertion of her. At once she felt as though she would like to get up from the table and leaveand never return. But instead she did her best to compose herself, and now gave the two girls with whom she hadnever been familiar, a steady look. At the same time she looked at Grace and Mr. Newton with defiance8. Ifanything more were said she proposed to give a fictitious9 name or two--friends of her brother-in-law in Homer,or better yet to refuse to give any information whatsoever10. Why should she?
Nevertheless, as she learned later that evening, she was not to be spared the refusing of it. Grace, coming to theirroom immediately afterward12, reproached her with: "I thought you said you stayed out at your sister's all the timeyou were gone?""Well, what if I did say it?" replied Roberta defiantly13 and even bitterly, but without a word in extenuation14, forher thought was now that unquestionably Grace was pretending to catechize her on moral grounds, whereas in reality the real source of her anger and pique15 was that Roberta was slipping away from and hence neglecting her.
"Well, you don't have to lie to me in order to go anywhere or see anybody without me in the future. I don't wantto go with you. And what's more I don't want to know where you go or who you go with. But I do wish youwouldn't tell me one thing and then have George and Mary find out that it ain't so, and that you're just trying toslip away from me or that I'm lying to them in order to protect myself. I don't want you to put me in thatposition."She was very hurt and sad and contentious16 and Roberta could see for herself that there was no way out of thistrying situation other than to move. Grace was a leech--a hanger-on. She had no life of her own and couldcontrive none. As long as she was anywhere near her she would want to devote herself to her--to share her everythought and mood with her. And yet if she told her about Clyde she would be shocked and critical and wouldunquestionably eventually turn on her or even expose her. So she merely replied: "Oh, well, have it that way ifyou want to. I don't care. I don't propose to tell anything unless I choose to."And at once Grace conceived the notion that Roberta did not like her any more and would have nothing to dowith her. She arose immediately and walked out of the room--her head very high and her spine17 very stiff. AndRoberta, realizing that she had made an enemy of her, now wished that she was out of here. They were all toonarrow here anyway. They would never understand or tolerate this clandestine18 relationship with Clyde--sonecessary to him apparently19, as he had explained--so troublesome and even disgraceful to her from one point ofview, and yet so precious. She did love him, so very, very much. And she must now find some way to protectherself and him--move to another room.
But that in this instance required almost more courage and decision than she could muster20. The anomalous21 andunprotected nature of a room where one was not known. The look of it. Subsequent explanation to her motherand sister maybe. Yet to remain here after this was all but impossible, too, for the attitude of Grace as well as theNewtons--particularly Mrs. Newton, Grace's sister--was that of the early Puritans or Friends who had caught a"brother" or "sister" in a great sin. She was dancing--and secretly! There was the presence of that young man notquite adequately explained by her trip home, to say nothing of her presence at Starlight Park. Besides, inRoberta's mind was the thought that under such definite espionage22 as must now follow, to say nothing of theunhappy and dictatorial23 attitude of Grace, she would have small chance to be with Clyde as much as she nowmost intensely desired. And accordingly, after two days of unhappy thought and then a conference with Clydewho was all for her immediate11 independence in a new room where she would not be known or spied upon, sheproceeded to take an hour or two off; and having fixed24 upon the southeast section of the city as one most likelyto be free from contact with either the Newtons or those whom thus far she had encountered at the Newtons', sheinquired there, and after little more than an hour's search found one place which pleased her. This was in an oldbrick house in Elm Street occupied by an upholsterer and his wife and two daughters, one a local milliner andanother still in school. The room offered was on the ground floor to the right of a small front porch andoverlooking the street. A door off this same porch gave into a living room which separated this room from theother parts of the house and permitted ingress and egress25 without contact with any other portion of the house.
And since she was still moved to meet Clyde clandestinely26 this as she now saw was important.
Besides, as she gathered from her one conversation with Mrs. Gilpin, the mother of this family, the character ofthis home was neither so strict nor inquisitive27 as that of the Newtons. Mrs. Gilpin was large, passive, cleanly, not so very alert and about fifty. She informed Roberta that as a rule she didn't care to take boarders or roomers atall, since the family had sufficient means to go on. However, since the family scarcely ever used the front room,which was rather set off from the remainder of the house, and since her husband did not object, she had made upher mind to rent it. And again she preferred some one who worked like Roberta--a girl, not a man--and one whowould be glad to have her breakfast and dinner along with her family. Since she asked no questions as to herfamily or connections, merely looking at her interestedly and seeming to be favorably impressed by herappearance, Roberta gathered that here were no such standards as prevailed at the Newtons.
And yet what qualms28 in connection with the thought of moving thus. For about this entire clandestine procedurethere hung, as she saw it, a sense of something untoward29 and even sinful, and then on top of it all, quarreling andthen breaking with Grace Marr, her one girl friend here thus far, and the Newtons on account of it, when, as shewell knew, it was entirely30 due to Grace that she was here at all. Supposing her parents or her sister in Homershould hear about this through some one whom Grace knew and think strangely of her going off by herself inLycurgus in this way? Was it right? Was it possible that she could do things like this--and so soon after hercoming here? She was beginning to feel as though her hitherto impeccable standards were crumbling31.
And yet there was Clyde now. Could she give him up?
After many emotional aches she decided2 that she could not. And accordingly after paying a deposit and arrangingto occupy the room within the next few days, she returned to her work and after dinner the same eveningannounced to Mrs. Newton that she was going to move. Her premeditated explanation was that recently she hadbeen thinking of having her younger brother and sister come and live with her and since one or both were likelyto come soon, she thought it best to prepare for them.
And the Newtons, as well as Grace, feeling that this was all due to the new connections which Roberta hadrecently been making and which were tending to alienate32 her from Grace, were now content to see her go.
Plainly she was beginning to indulge in a type of adventure of which they could not approve. Also it was plainthat she was not going to prove as useful to Grace as they had at first imagined. Possibly she knew what she wasdoing. But more likely she was being led astray by notions of a good time not consistent with the reserved lifeled by her at Trippetts Mills.
And Roberta herself, once having made this move and settled herself in this new atmosphere (apart from the factthat it gave her much greater freedom in connection with Clyde) was dubious33 as to her present course. Perhaps-perhaps--she had moved hastily and in anger and might be sorry. Still she had done it now, and it could not behelped. So she proposed to try it for a while.
To salve her own conscience more than anything else, she at once wrote her mother and her sister a veryplausible version of why she had been compelled to leave the Newtons. Grace had grown too possessive,domineering and selfish. It had become unendurable. However, her mother need not worry. She wassatisfactorily placed. She had a room to herself and could now entertain Tom and Emily or her mother or Agnes,in case they should ever visit her here. And she would be able to introduce them to the Gilpins whom sheproceeded to describe.
Nevertheless, her underlying34 thought in connection with all this, in so far as Clyde and his great passion for her was concerned--and hers for him--was that she was indeed trifling35 with fire and perhaps social disgrace into thebargain. For, although consciously at this time she was scarcely willing to face the fact that this room--itsgeometric position in relation to the rest of the house--had been of the greatest import to her at the time she firstsaw it, yet subconsciously36 she knew it well enough. The course she was pursuing was dangerous--that she knew.
And yet how, as she now so often asked herself at moments when she was confronted by some desire which rancounter to her sense of practicability and social morality, was she to do?
他们这次返回莱柯格斯，以及他们双双结伴出游，罗伯达和克莱德心里想总没有被别人瞧见。从方达回莱柯格斯的车上，他们并没有碰见一个熟人。到达牛顿夫妇家时，格雷斯早已入睡了。她只不过迷迷糊糊地向罗伯达问了两句有关这次出门的事……都是信口道来。不痛不痒的话。比方说，罗伯达的妹妹好吗?
她是整天价都待在霍默，还是去过比尔莎，或是特里佩茨米尔斯?
(罗伯达当即回答说自己一直待在妹妹那里。)格雷斯说不久她自己也得上特里佩茨米尔斯去看望父母。说完，她一下子又睡着了。
可是，转天晚上吃饭时，奥帕尔。费利斯小姐和奥利夫。波普小姐也都入了座。她们从方达以及罗伯达星期六下午消磨过的那些地方回来太晚了，没能赶上吃早饭。罗伯达一进去，她们说了几句乐乐呵呵。而又出于善意的话，可是，罗伯达一听这些话，肯定非常窘困不堪。
"哦，你来啦!
瞧逛星光乐园的人回来啦。奥尔登小姐，在那里跳舞，你很喜欢吗?
我们看见你的，只不过你没看到我们罢了。"罗伯达还来不及考虑如何应答，费利斯已接过去说:
"我们巴不得你看上我们一眼，可是，我心里估摸，除了你的骑士以外，你好象谁都看不见。我说，你跳得可真棒。"罗伯达一下子脸红起来。过去罗伯达跟她们哪一个都不熟识，而且，平素她既不会厚颜无耻，也不会急中生智，使她能在真相突然一下子全给揭露以后摆脱困境。这时，她哑口无言，只好两眼发呆，顿时想到她昨夜跟格雷斯说过，她不是整天价都待在妹妹那里吗。殊不知格雷斯就坐在对面，两眼直瞅着她，嘴唇微微启开，仿佛要大声喊道:
"嘿，想不到事情可真不少!
居然还跳舞!
而且跟一个男人跳!
"坐在餐桌主人座位的乔治。牛顿，此人瘦骨嶙峋，谨小慎微，好奇心重，眼睛犀利，鼻子尖削，下巴颏儿向外突出，这时也转过身来瞅看她。
罗伯达心里一下子明白她非得说明一下不可，就回答说:
"哦，是的，一点儿不错。我去过那里，只待了一会儿。那天我妹妹来了几个朋友，我就跟他们一块去了。"原来她还打算说，"我们在那里并没有待多久，"不过她没有说下去。
因为这时，前来拯救她的，就是从她母亲那里一脉相承。并在这以前跟格雷斯相处时常常流露过的一种顽强不屈的气质。干脆说穿了，只要她喜欢去星光乐园，那干吗她就不能去呢?
牛顿夫妇。格雷斯，或是任何人，他们究竟有什么权利追问她那件事?
她靠自己挣钱过活，她对自己负责嘛。不过话又说回来，她也知道，她的谎话一下子被揭穿了。这都是因为她住在这里，时常受人盘问，连她的一举一动也被人们监视。波普小姐还好奇地找补着说:
"依我看，他可不是莱柯格斯的年轻人吧。我在这里好象压根儿没见过这个人。""是啊，他不是当地人，"罗伯达冷冷地回答了这么短短一句。她一想到谎话已在格雷斯面前被人拆穿了，心中不由得感到震惊。她又想到，格雷斯对这种鬼鬼祟祟的交际活动以及自己被甩在一边，一定会感到非常气忿。这时，她心里真恨不得马上站起来，离开这儿，永远不回来。可是，她并没有这样做，反而竭尽全力，让自己镇静下来，泰然自若地望了这两个素昧平生的姑娘一眼。
与此同时，她富于挑战性地瞅了格雷斯和牛顿夫妇一眼。要是有人继续追问的话，她打算胡编乱造一两个人的名字……说成是她妹妹在霍默的朋友，要不然，最好干脆什么也都不说。干吗她非说不可呢?
不过，当天晚上她就知道，绝口不谈还是不行的。晚饭后一回到房间，格雷斯马上责备她:
"我好象记得你告诉我，说你一直待在你妹妹家里，可不是吗?
""哦，我是说过，那又怎么啦?
"罗伯达回答说，语气富有挑战性，甚至还带着尖酸刻薄的味道，但她并没有说过一句给自己辩白的话。这时，她心里琢磨，毫无疑问，格雷斯会装模作样，从维护道德立场出发向她盘问一通。其实，她大发雷霆的真正原因，却是:
罗伯达偷偷地躲开她，因而也就是疏远了她。
"得了吧，今后，你也用不着哄骗我:
你爱上哪儿去，看什么人，一概悉听尊便。我并不乐意跟你一起去。而且，我再也不想知道你上哪儿去，或是跟什么人在一起。不过，我希望你别跟我谈到一件事，后来却被乔治和玛丽揭穿，说并不是这么一回事;实际上，你只不过存心躲开我，要不然，为了保护自己，我也不得不对他们撒谎。我可不希望你使我竟然也落到那样境地。"她受到很大委屈，因而很难过，真想争论一番。罗伯达也为自己着想，觉得要摆脱这种难堪局面，只好自己从这里搬出去。格雷斯好象一条水蛭……吸别人的血来养活自己。她并没有自己的私生活，而且即使想有，她也办不到。
只要她们俩在一起，格雷斯就要求罗伯达献身给她，乃至于每一个想法。每一种心态，都得向她和盘托出。可是，如果说罗伯达把克莱德的事告诉她，那她一定会大为震惊，严加批评，最后毫无疑问跟她决裂，甚至揭发了她。因此，她只好回答说:
"哦，得了吧，要是你爱这么想，就随你的便吧。我可不在乎。我不打算把什么事都说出来，除非我高兴这么做。"格雷斯立时想到:
罗伯达再也不会跟她和好，而且不愿跟她有什么来往了。
她马上站了起来，昂起头。挺直腰背从房间里走了出去。罗伯达知道:
如今格雷斯已成了她的敌人，恨不得马上从这儿搬出去，离得越远越好。说到底，他们这里的人思想太狭隘了。对于她跟克莱德这种秘密的关系，他们既不会谅解，也不会宽容，可是这种关系，正如克莱德所说的，对他显然是断断乎不可缺的，而对罗伯达来说，虽然是恼人的，甚至丢脸的，但她对它依然觉得弥足珍贵。
她确实爱他，非常非常爱他。如今，她总得想个办法来保护她自己和他……那就是非搬家不可。
不过，搬家需要更大的勇气和决心，远不是她一口气就鼓得起来的。搬到谁都不认识你的屋子里，无人保护，该有多么别扭。怎么会不觉得别扭?
也许往后还得向她妈妈。妹妹解释一番。不过，打这以后再待在这儿，也是要不得的，因为格雷斯和牛顿夫妇，特别是格雷斯的姐姐牛顿太太，他们的态度依然有如早期清教徒，或是教友派信徒对待一个犯了大罪的"兄弟"或是"姐姐"一模一样。
她跳过舞……而且是偷偷的，嘿!
怎么还跟一个年轻人在一起，这次她又回了家，这些事她都说不清楚，更不用提她到过星光乐园了。此外，罗伯达心里还想到，往后人家肯定会密切侦察，格雷斯那种令人不快的专断态度，也更不在话下了，因此，她一定很少有机会跟克莱德相会，如同现在一样，她如饥似渴地希望有这样的机会。于是，她冥思苦想了两天，又跟克莱德商量之后，克莱德完全赞同她不再看人脸色，马上搬到一个无人相识。无人监视的新住处去。接着，她便请了一两个钟头假，径自觅房去了。她心里估摸，到了本城东南区那一带，也许不会再跟牛顿夫妇和在牛顿家里见到过的人碰面，所以她就到那里去打听。
经过一个多钟头寻找，她找到了一个很合她心意的住处。这是埃尔姆街上一幢老式砖头房子，里面住了一位家具商和他的妻子，此外还有两个女儿，一个是在当地专营女帽生意，一个还在学校里念书。让给罗伯达的房间，是在底楼小门廊的右面，窗子朝着大街。小门廊有一道门通往小客厅，就把这个房间跟所有其他房间隔开，这样进进出出，也就各不相干。因为她一心想跟克莱德幽会，对这一点也就看得特别重要。
再说，从她跟这一家主妇吉尔平太太的谈话里得知，这一家人不象牛顿夫妇那么严格，那么喜欢问这问那。吉尔平太太是个大块头，大约五十岁上下，很爱清洁，但是不太机灵。她告诉罗伯达，说她通常不收房客，因为他们一家子的收入除去开销，原是绰绰有余。不过，前面这一间跟其他房间是完全隔开，在平时空关不用，再加上她丈夫也并不反对，所以，她才决定把这一间租出去。
再说，她也希望房客最好就象罗伯达那样，有固定工作的……要姑娘，不要男人……而且还乐意跟他们一家人共进早餐。晚餐。吉尔平太太并没有问到她家庭或是她亲戚的情况，只不过怪有趣地望着她，看来对她的模样儿还印象不错。
罗伯达由此推想，这里大概没有牛顿夫妇家里那一套清规戒律。
不过，她一想到搬家，心里就犯疑了。她觉得，综观这种偷偷摸摸的行径，总有一种不吉利的甚至犯罪的感觉，发展到顶点，终于跟她迄至今日在这里的女友格雷斯。玛尔……自然也还牵扯到牛顿夫妇……吵架，最后决裂。其实，罗伯达心中也很清楚，她之所以能在莱柯格斯站住脚跟，完全仰仗格雷斯的帮助。万一她妈妈或是在霍默的妹妹从格雷斯的熟人那里听到了这件事，发现她很怪，怎么会孤零零一个人在莱柯格斯过日子呢?
这样做是对头，还是不对头呢?
她怎么会做这样的事……何况来到这儿，时间也还不久?
她好象觉得:
她迄至今日那些无懈可击的道德标准正在崩溃。
可是，眼前有克莱德在这里。她能舍弃他吗?
经过很多痛苦的内心斗争之后，她决定不能舍弃。因此，她付了押金，约定近日内迁入，就回去上班了。当天晚上吃过饭后，罗伯达便向牛顿太太说明她要搬出去住。她根据事前想好的那一套，以最近她一直想要她的弟弟。妹妹上这里来，跟她一块住。大概他们马上就会来，也许来一个，也许两个都来，因此，她觉得还是及早给他们准备住处为好。
牛顿夫妇和格雷斯都认为，这完全是因为最近以来罗伯达新结识了一些朋友，便跟格雷斯越发疏远了，因此，他们也巴不得她搬走。显然，她已开始沉溺在他们不敢赞同的冒险事业之中。而且往后，她显然也不会象他们当初想象的那样对格雷斯有什么用处了。可能她也知道她正在干的是什么。不过，更可能的是，她已被寻欢作乐的一些邪念引入歧途，这跟她在特里佩茨米尔斯循规蹈矩的生活已是不可同日而语了。
至于罗伯达自己呢，她一经迁出，在这个新环境安顿下来以后(除了住在这里她跟克莱德来往可以更加自由以外)，对她目前所走的道路，毕竟感到疑惧不安。也许……也许……搬家她太急促了，何况又是在一怒之下，说不定她会后悔不及。不过，事至今日，无法挽回了。因此，她想还是不妨先试试看再说。
多半为了抚慰自己的良心，她立时写信给自己的母亲和妹妹，振振有词地把她不得不从牛顿夫妇家里迁出的理由告诉了她们。格雷斯这个人变得太专断，太自私，太跋扈，简直让人受不了。不过，妈妈用不着发愁。现在她住的地方很称心。她自己有一个房间，汤姆。艾米莉。妈妈和艾格尼斯要是上这儿来看望她，就可以招待他们了。那时她不妨让他们跟吉尔平一家人见见面。接着她对这一家人作了详细介绍。
可是，她一想到克莱德也好，还是他对她的热恋，或是她对他的热恋也好，在她心底深深地意识到:
她的确是在玩火，往后说不定身败名裂。尽管她思想上还不肯承认，她开头一看这个单独隔开的房间就正中下怀，但在潜意识里，她还是知道得一清二楚的。现在她走的正是危险的道路……这个她也知道。有时她心里一有某种欲念，跟她注重实际和社会道理的观念发生对抗，她通常总要反躬自问:
她该怎么办?
如今，她又在这样反躬自问了。
收听单词发音 |
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genial
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| adj.亲切的，和蔼的，愉快的，脾气好的 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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swell
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| vi.膨胀，肿胀；增长，增强 | |
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extricate
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| v.拯救，救出；解脱 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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curiously
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| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
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secrecy
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| n.秘密，保密，隐蔽 | |
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defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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fictitious
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| adj.虚构的，假设的；空头的 | |
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whatsoever
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| adv.（用于否定句中以加强语气）任何；pron.无论什么 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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defiantly
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| adv.挑战地，大胆对抗地 | |
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extenuation
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| n.减轻罪孽的借口；酌情减轻；细 | |
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pique
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| v.伤害…的自尊心，使生气 n.不满，生气 | |
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contentious
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| adj.好辩的，善争吵的 | |
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spine
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| n.脊柱，脊椎；(动植物的)刺；书脊 | |
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clandestine
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| adj.秘密的，暗中从事的 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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muster
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| v.集合，收集，鼓起，激起；n.集合，检阅，集合人员，点名册 | |
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anomalous
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| adj.反常的；不规则的 | |
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espionage
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| n.间谍行为，谍报活动 | |
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dictatorial
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| adj. 独裁的，专断的 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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egress
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| n.出去；出口 | |
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clandestinely
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| adv.秘密地，暗中地 | |
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inquisitive
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| adj.求知欲强的，好奇的，好寻根究底的 | |
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qualms
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| n.不安；内疚 | |
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untoward
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| adj.不利的，不幸的，困难重重的 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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crumbling
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| adj.摇摇欲坠的 | |
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alienate
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| vt.使疏远，离间；转让(财产等) | |
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dubious
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| adj.怀疑的，无把握的；有问题的，靠不住的 | |
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underlying
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| adj.在下面的，含蓄的，潜在的 | |
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trifling
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| adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的 | |
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subconsciously
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| ad.下意识地，潜意识地 | |
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