However, as both Roberta and Clyde soon found, after several weeks in which they met here and there, suchspots as could be conveniently reached by interurban lines, there were still drawbacks and the principal of theserelated to the attitude of both Roberta and Clyde in regard to this room, and what, if any, use of it was to be madeby them jointly1. For in spite of the fact that thus far Clyde had never openly agreed with himself that hisintentions in relation to Roberta were in any way different to those normally entertained by any youth toward anygirl for whom he had a conventional social regard, still, now that she had moved into this room, there was thatineradicable and possibly censurable2, yet very human and almost unescapable, desire for something more--thepossibility of greater and greater intimacy3 with and control of Roberta and her thoughts and actions in everythingso that in the end she would be entirely4 his. But how HIS? By way of marriage and the ordinary conventionaland durable5 existence which thereafter must ordinarily ensue? He had never said so to himself thus far. For inflirting with her or any girl of a lesser6 social position than that of the Griffiths here (Sondra Finchley, BertineCranston, for instance) he would not--and that largely due to the attitude of his newly-found relatives, their veryhigh position in this city--have deemed marriage advisable. And what would they think if they should come toknow? For socially, as he saw himself now, if not before coming here, he was supposed to be above the type ofRoberta and should of course profit by that notion. Besides there were all those that knew him here, at least tospeak to. On the other hand, because of the very marked pull that her temperament7 had for him, he had not beenable to say for the time being that she was not worthy8 of him or that he might not be happy in case it werepossible or advisable for him to marry her.
And there was another thing now that tended to complicate9 matters. And that was that fall with its chilling windsand frosty nights was drawing near. Already it was near October first and most of those out-of-door resortswhich, up to the middle of September at least, had provided diversion, and that at a fairly safe distance fromLycurgus, were already closed for the season. And dancing, except in the halls of the near-by cities and which,because of a mood of hers in regard to them, were unacceptable, was also for the time being done away with. Asfor the churches, moving pictures, and restaurants of Lycurgus, how under the circumstances, owing to Clyde'sposition here, could they be seen in them? They could not, as both reasoned between them. And so now, whileher movements were unrestrained, there was no place to go unless by some readjustment of their relations hemight be permitted to call on her at the Gilpins'. But that, as he knew, she would not think of and, at first, neitherhad he the courage to suggest it.
However they were at a street-end one early October night about six weeks after she had moved to her newroom. The stars were sharp. The air cool. The leaves were beginning to turn. Roberta had returned to a three-quarter green-and-cream-striped winter coat that she wore at this season of the year. Her hat was brown, trimmed with brown leather and of a design that became her. There had been kisses over and over--that same fever thathad been dominating them continuously since first they met--only more pronounced if anything.
"It's getting cold, isn't it?" It was Clyde who spoke10. And it was eleven o'clock and chill.
"Yes, I should say it is. I'll soon have to get a heavier coat.""I don't see how we are to do from now on, do you? There's no place to go any more much, and it won't be verypleasant walking the streets this way every night. You don't suppose we could fix it so I could call on you at theGilpins' once in a while, do you? It isn't the same there now as it was at the Newtons'.""Oh, I know, but then they use their sitting room every night nearly until ten-thirty or eleven. And besides theirtwo girls are in and out all hours up to twelve, anyhow, and they're in there often. I don't see how I can. Besides,I thought you said you didn't want to have any one see you with me that way, and if you came there I couldn'thelp introducing you.""Oh, but I don't mean just that way," replied Clyde audaciously and yet with the feeling that Roberta was muchtoo squeamish and that it was high time she was taking a somewhat more liberal attitude toward him if she caredfor him as much as she appeared to: "Why wouldn't it be all right for me to stop in for a little while? Theywouldn't need to know, would they?" He took out his watch and discovered with the aid of a match that it waseleven-thirty. He showed the time to her. "There wouldn't be anybody there now, would there?"She shook her head in opposition11. The thought not only terrified but sickened her. Clyde was getting very bold toeven suggest anything like that. Besides this suggestion embodied12 in itself all the secret fears and compellingmoods which hitherto, although actual in herself, she was still unwilling13 to face. There was something sinful,low, dreadful about it. She would not. That was one thing sure. At the same time within her was thatovermastering urge of repressed and feared desire now knocking loudly for recognition.
"No, no, I can't let you do that. It wouldn't be right. I don't want to. Some one might see us. Somebody mightknow you." For the moment the moral repulsion was so great that unconsciously she endeavored to relinquishherself from his embrace.
Clyde sensed how deep was this sudden revolt. All the more was he flagellated by the desire for possession ofthat which now he half feared to be unobtainable. A dozen seductive excuses sprang to his lips. "Oh, who wouldbe likely to see us anyhow, at this time of night? There isn't any one around. Why shouldn't we go there for a fewmoments if we want to? No one would be likely to hear us. We needn't talk so loud. There isn't any one on thestreet, even. Let's walk by the house and see if anybody is up."Since hitherto she had not permitted him to come within half a block of the house, her protest was not onlynervous but vigorous. Nevertheless on this occasion Clyde was proving a little rebellious14 and Roberta, standingsomewhat in awe15 of him as her superior, as well as her lover, was unable to prevent their walking within a fewfeet of the house where they stopped. Except for a barking dog there was not a sound to be heard anywhere. Andin the house no light was visible.
"See, there's no one up," protested Clyde reassuringly16. "Why shouldn't we go in for a little while if we want to?
Who will know? We needn't make any noise. Besides, what is wrong with it? Other people do it. It isn't such aterrible thing for a girl to take a fellow to her room if she wants to for a little while.""Oh, isn't it? Well, maybe not in your set. But I know what's right and I don't think that's right and I won't do it."At once, as she said this, Roberta's heart gave a pained and weakening throb17, for in saying so much she hadexhibited more individuality and defiance18 than ever he had seen or that she fancied herself capable of inconnection with him. It terrified her not a little. Perhaps he would not like her so much now if she were going totalk like that.
His mood darkened immediately. Why did she want to act so? She was too cautious, too afraid of anything thatspelled a little life or pleasure. Other girls were not like that,--Rita, those girls at the factory. She pretended tolove him. She did not object to his holding her in his arms and kissing her under a tree at the end of the street.
But when it came to anything slightly more private or intimate, she could not bring herself to agree. What kind ofa girl was she, anyhow? What was the use of pursuing her? Was this to be another case of Hortense Briggs withall her wiles19 and evasions20? Of course Roberta was in no wise like her, but still she was so stubborn.
Although she could not see his face she knew he was angry and quite for the first time in this way.
"All right, then, if you don't want to, you don't have to," came his words and with decidedly a cold ring to them.
"There are others places I can go. I notice you never want to do anything I want to do, though. I'd like to knowhow you think we're to do. We can't walk the streets every night." His tone was gloomy and foreboding--morecontentious and bitter than at any time ever between them. And his references to other places shocked andfrightened Roberta--so much so that instantly almost her own mood changed. Those other girls in his own worldthat no doubt he saw from time to time! Those other girls at the factory who were always trying to make eyes athim! She had seen them trying, and often. That Ruza Nikoforitch--as coarse as she was, but pretty, too. And thatFlora Brandt! And Martha Bordaloue--ugh! To think that any one as nice as he should be pursued by suchwretches as those. However, because of that, she was fearful lest he would think her too difficult--some onewithout the experience or daring to which he, in his superior world, was accustomed, and so turn to one of those.
Then she would lose him. The thought terrified her. Immediately from one of defiance her attitude changed toone of pleading persuasion21.
"Oh, please, Clyde, don't be mad with me now, will you? You know that I would if I could. I can't do anythinglike that here. Can't you see? You know that. Why, they'd be sure to find out. And how would you feel if someone were to see us or recognize you?" In a pleading way she put one hand on his arm, then about his waist and hecould feel that in spite of her sharp opposition the moment before, she was very much concerned--painfully so.
"Please don't ask me to," she added in a begging tone.
"Well, what did you want to leave the Newtons for then?" he asked sullenly22. "I can't see where else we can gonow if you won't let me come to see you once in a while. We can't go any place else."The thought gave Roberta pause. Plainly this relationship was not to be held within conventional lines. At thesame time she did not see how she could possibly comply. It was too unconventional--too unmoral--bad.
"I thought we took it," she said weakly and placatively, "just so that we could go places on Saturday andSunday.""But where can we go Saturday and Sunday now? Everything's closed."Again Roberta was checked by these unanswerable complexities23 which beleaguered24 them both and sheexclaimed futilely25, "Oh, I wish I knew what to do.""Oh, it would be easy enough if you wanted to do it, but that's always the way with you, you don't want to."She stood there, the night wind shaking the drying whispering leaves. Distinctly the problem in connection withhim that she had been fearing this long while was upon her. Could she possibly, with all the right instruction thatshe had had, now do as he suggested. She was pulled and swayed by contending forces within herself, strong andurgent in either case. In the one instance, however painful it was to her moral and social mood, she was moved tocomply--in another to reject once and for all, any such, as she saw it, bold and unnatural26 suggestion.
Nevertheless, in spite of the latter and because of her compelling affection she could not do other than dealtenderly and pleadingly with him.
"I can't, Clyde, I can't. I would if I could but I can't. It wouldn't be right. I would if I could make myself, but Ican't." She looked up into his face, a pale oval in the dark, trying to see if he would not see, sympathize, bemoved in her favor. However, irritated by this plainly definite refusal, he was not now to be moved. All this, ashe saw it, smacked27 of that long series of defeats which had accompanied his attentions to Hortense Briggs. Hewas not going to stand for anything now like that, you bet. If this was the way she was going to act, well let heract so--but not with him. He could get plenty of girls now--lots of them--who would treat him better than this.
At once, and with an irritated shrug28 of the shoulders, as she now saw, he turned and started to leave her, sayingas he did so, "Oh, that's all right, if that's the way you feel about it." And Roberta dumfounded and terrified,stood there.
"Please don't, go, Clyde. Please don't leave me," she exclaimed suddenly and pathetically, her defiance andcourage undergoing a deep and sad change. "I don't want you to. I love you so, Clyde. I would if I could. Youknow that.""Oh, yes, I know, but you needn't tell me that" (it was his experience with Hortense and Rita that was promptinghim to this attitude). With a twist he released his body from her arm and started walking briskly down the streetin the dark.
And Roberta, stricken by this sudden development which was so painful to both, called, "Clyde!" And then ranafter him a little way, eager that he should pause and let her plead with him more. But he did not return. Insteadhe went briskly on. And for the moment it was all she could do to keep from following him and by sheer force, ifneed be, restrain him. Her Clyde! And she started running in his direction a little, but as suddenly stopped,checked for the moment by the begging, pleading, compromising attitude in which she, for the first time, foundherself. For on the one hand all her conventional training was now urging her to stand firm--not to belittle29 herself in this way--whereas on the other, all her desires for love, understanding, companionship, urged her to run afterhim before it was too late, and he was gone. His beautiful face, his beautiful hands. His eyes. And still thereceding echo of his feet. And yet so binding31 were the conventions which had been urged upon her up to thistime that, though suffering horribly, a balance between the two forces was struck, and she paused, feeling thatshe could neither go forward nor stand still-- understand or endure this sudden rift32 in their wonderful friendship.
Pain constricted33 her heart and whitened her lips. She stood there numb34 and silent--unable to voice anything, eventhe name Clyde which persistently35 arose as a call in her throat. Instead she was merely thinking, "Oh, Clyde,please don't go, Clyde. Oh, please don't go." And he was already out of hearing, walking briskly and grimly on,the click and echo of his receding30 steps falling less and less clearly on her suffering ears.
It was the first flashing, blinding, bleeding stab of love for her.
几周来，罗伯达和克莱德在近郊交通线上各个极易到达的地点频频相会以后，很快发现还有一些缺点，这主要是由于罗伯达和克莱德对这个房间的看法，以及他们俩对这个房间如何利用而引起的。一般年轻人对其姑娘怀着传统的尊重心理，克莱德对罗伯达也是如此，虽然他至今没有公开承认过，可是现在，既然她已搬进了这个房间，他就不免激起了一种欲念:这种欲念是根深蒂固的，也许应该受到指责，但又是非常合乎人性，几乎也是不可避免的，那就是说……要进一步跟罗伯达发生更为亲密的关系，并在各个方面控制罗伯达，以及她的全部思想和行动，以致最后她这个人整个儿都属于他了。不过，怎样才算是属于他的了呢?
是通过结婚，通过婚后通常必然产生那种常见的。传统的。长久的生活方式吗?
对此，他至今还从没有这么想过。因为，克莱德不管是跟罗伯达也好，还是跟任何一个社会地位低于格里菲思家(比方说，远不如桑德拉。芬奇利。
伯蒂娜。克兰斯顿那样)的姑娘调情时，就认为自己决不可能跟她结婚……主要是由于他新近攀上的亲戚的态度，以及他们在莱柯格斯声望显赫的缘故。要是他们一日知道了，又会怎么个想法呢?
如今，他总觉得自己在这里社会地位要比罗伯达这一类人高，对此，他当然也就想充分加以利用。再说，他在这里还有许多熟人，至少有一些人可以跟自己说说话。另一方面，因为她的性格对他具有一种异乎寻常的魅力，他暂时还不敢说她可配不上他，或者说要是他可以或则决定跟她结婚，也许婚后不见得幸福的这类话。
这时，另有一件事，又使情况变得更加错综复杂。这就是风霜夜寒严相逼的深秋季节日益临近了。一转眼就是十月初了。九月中旬以前，离莱柯格斯不远的一些露天游乐场，还可供人玩赏，如今由于季节关系，早已纷纷关闭了。
至于跳舞，除了附近各城市的舞厅里虽然还有，但因为对那些地方看不惯，不肯去，所以，这项娱乐也只好暂时放弃了。至于莱柯格斯的教堂。影院。餐厅，由于克莱德在这里的身份地位，哪能让人们在大庭广众看到他们俩在一起呢?
他们俩商议后认为:
那些地方他们万万去不得。因此，尽管现在罗伯达的行动早已获得自由，他们照旧还是没有地方可去，除非他们两人之间的关系经过适当调整，那时才允许他到吉尔平家来看望她。不过，她也知道，这一点她是怎么都想不到的，而且，一开头，谅他也没有胆量先向她提出来。
她迁入新居后，大约过了六个星期，十月初的一个晚上，他们俩正徘徊在一条街的尽头。这时，星光灿烂。夜凉似水。落叶开始在空中飞舞了。罗伯达已按季穿上一件奶白底。绿条子的冬大衣。她那棕色的帽子，帽檐缀上一道棕色皮边，其款式也跟她很相称。他们一次又一次地接吻……从他们初次见面以来，一直是那么狂热，而如今只不过是更加狂热罢了。
"天冷起来了，不是吗?
"克莱德说。这时已近十一点钟，寒气袭人。
"是啊，我说真够冷。我马上就得穿厚一点的外套。""我真不知道往后我们该怎么办，你说呢?
简直没有什么地方可去，每天晚上到街上这样溜达，真不带劲。你看有时能不能也让我到吉尔平家去看你，怎么样?
反正吉尔平家，跟牛顿夫妇家里可不一样。""哦，我也知道，不过，每天晚上他们都要用那个小客厅，一直到十点半，或是十一点钟。再说，他们家里两个女儿老是出出进进，总要到十二点，而且她们总是寸步不离地守在家里。我看我可毫无办法。再说，我还记得您不希望有人看见您跟我在一起:
要是您来，我就不得不把您介绍给他们。""哦，可我并不是这个意思，"克莱德大胆说。他暗自思忖:
罗伯达未免太过于拘谨，她要是真象她说的那么爱他，就应该对他更随便些。他说:
"干吗我不能来看看你，只待上一会儿呢?
这事也犯不着让吉尔平家知道，可不是?
"他掏出表来，划一根火柴，发觉已是十一点半了。他把表给她看了一下。"这会儿客厅里总不见得有人，可不是吗?
"她摇摇头，表示反对。这个想法不仅让她骇怕，而且还让她厌恶。克莱德真够大胆，竟然敢向她提出这个要求来。再说，这个要求本身就包含了迄今她虽说明知存在。可还是不愿承认的全部隐秘的惧怕，以及主宰她的心绪，里面还搀杂了一些罪恶。下贱。可怕的东西。不，这个她可不干。这是肯定了的。
与此同时，在她心灵深处，她那主宰一切的欲念……对此她一向加以遏制。一直感到害怕的……却在大声要求得到认可。
"不，不，我可不能同意您这个要求。这可不妥当。我不同意。说不定有人会看见我们。说不定也有人认得您。"这时，她从道德上产生反感，竟然是那么强烈，使她下意识地竭力从他怀抱里挣脱出来。
克莱德感到她这种突然的反抗是多么深挚。可是，要占有，但此刻深恐又占有不了的欲念，却在他心中越燃越旺了。十几种勾引她的借口，从他的嘴里喷泻出来。"哦，深更半夜，有谁看得见我们?
周围一个人都没有。只要我们高兴，干吗不上那里待一会儿呢?
谁也不会来听我们的。我们说话轻轻的就得了。哪怕在街上，一个人也都没有啦。我们一块走去，看看屋子里有什么人没有。
"她一直不让他走近她的房子，照例要他隔开半个街区。这时，她不仅心情激动，而且坚决有力地表示反对。不过，这一回克莱德却显得非常倔强。罗伯达平素对他怀着敬畏之情，不仅把他当做情人，而且还把他看成顶头上司，这时也拦阻不住他了。他们一直走到离那幢房子只有几英尺的地方，这才驻足不前。除了一条狗在吠叫以外，四下里已是万籁俱寂了。屋子里一点儿灯光都看不见。
"你看，一个人都没有呢，"克莱德说，分明让她放心。"只要我们高兴，干吗不进去歇一会儿?
有谁知道呢?
我们说话轻轻的就得了。再说，这又有什么要不得的?
许多人都这么做的。一个姑娘要是高兴，带一个男朋友上她房间坐一会儿，这可没有什么可怕的。""哦，您说是吗?
哦，也许在你们这个圈子里并不可怕。不过，我知道什么是要得的，什么是要不得的;依我看，那就是要不得的，我可不那样干。"罗伯达说这句话时，她感到心儿在痛苦地抽搐着。她说这些话时，显露出过去他从没见过的更多的个性，乃至于挑战性。即便她自己也不会想到她是这么对待他的。对此，连她自己也大惊失色了。往后她要是还那样跟他抬杠，也许他就不会象现在那样爱她了。
他心里顿时变得灰溜溜的。干吗她要这样干呢?
她太小心翼翼了。她对能得到的一点儿人生乐趣，或是寻欢作乐的事，也是太害怕了。别的姑娘可不象她那样……比方说，象丽达，还有厂里那些女工们。而她却还自称爱他哩。她让他在大街尽头树荫底下搂抱她，亲吻她。可是，只要他稍微要求再隐秘些，或是再亲热些，她就怎么也不同意了。她到底是哪一类的姑娘呢?
追求她，到底有什么用处?
会不会又是象过去霍丹斯。布里格斯那样躲躲闪闪，耍弄花腔吗?
当然罗，罗伯达一点儿不象霍丹斯，不过，毕竟她还是那么固执啊。
她尽管看不清他的脸孔，可是她知道他在恼火，而且，象这样恼火，还是头一遭。
"那末，得了吧，你要是不愿意，也就不必勉强，"他脱口而出说，显然带着一种冷冰冰的口气。"这里去不得，我还可以上别处去。我发觉你就是从来不愿照我的意思去做的。往后我们怎么再见面，我倒是很想知道你的想法。反正我们可不能每天晚上老是遛大街吧。"他说话的语调阴沉，预示着凶多吉少……过去他跟她说话时，从来没有象这一回那么冒火，那么尖刻。而且他刚才说到上别处去的那些话，罗伯达听后又是震惊，又是骇怕……使她自己的情绪差不多一下子就改变了。在他那个圈子里，毫无疑问，他时不时看得到别的姑娘们!
厂里那些姑娘，也老是跟他挤眉弄眼!
她不知有多少回见过她们老是这样向他送秋波。那个罗莎。尼柯弗列奇……尽管粗俗得够呛。可也还是很迷人。还有那个弗洛拉。布兰特!
还有那个玛莎。博达洛……唉!
瞧那些骚货竟在紧追象他这样的美男子。不过，也因为想到这一层，她心里很害怕他认为她这个人太难说得来……如同他在上流社会里早已司空见惯的那种既无经验。又没胆量的人……因此他便将目标转向她们里头哪一个姑娘。那时她就失去了他。罗伯达一想到这里就很害怕。她原先倔强的态度倏忽消失了，于是向他恳求规劝说:
"哦，克莱德，千万别跟我生气，好不好?
您也知道，我只要做得到，就一定会同意的。但在这里，我可不能做那样的事。难道说您还不明白吗?
您自己也明白的。当然罗，人家一定会发现的。万一有人看见我们，或是把您认出来，那您自己该怎么办?
"她以恳求的姿态，先是用一只手抓住他的胳臂，接着又搂住了他的腰。他感觉到，尽管刚才她激烈反对，可她却是忧心忡忡……痛苦到了极点。"请您别向我提出这样的要求，"她苦苦哀求地找补着说。
"那末当初你干吗要从牛顿家里搬出来呢?
"他闷闷不乐地问。"你要是不让我有便来看看你，那我就不知道往后我们还可以在哪儿见面。我们哪儿都去不了。
"克莱德这一问，使罗伯达不知道怎么回答才好。要继续保持他们这种关系，显然就得冲破传统界限。与此同时，她又觉得自己断断乎不能同意。这太不合传统……太不道德……真是要不得。
"我想当初我们把房间租下来，"她竭力宽慰他，就有气无力地说，"就正是因为我们在星期六。星期天可以去别处走走。""可是现在星期六。星期天，我们能上哪儿去呢?
到处都关门了。"这一大堆使他们俩都束手无策的难题，又把罗伯达难倒了。她只好无可奈何地大声说，"啊，但愿我知道怎么办就好了。""哦，我的老天哪，只要你愿意去，那还不容易吗。可问题就在于:
你老是不肯去嘛。"她伫立在那里，夜风使沙沙作响的枯叶在空中飞舞。她对他一直担心的问题，现在显然向她步步逼来。过去她受过良好的教养，现在她能不能就照他所说的那样做呢?
这时她心里有两股强大的针锋相对的力量在抗争，使她一直摇摆不定。她一会儿准备让步，尽管从道德观念和社会习俗来说，她觉得这很痛苦……可是一会儿，她又想干脆一下子拒绝这种在她看来乃是大胆而又荒唐的建议。不过话又说回来，尽管她既有后一种想法，又由于她对他的依恋不舍，她觉得只好如同往日一样温顺地恳求他。
"可我不能同意啊，克莱德，我不能同意。要是我可以的话，我一定同意，可是我不能同意。这样做是要不得。要是我认为可以的话，我一定同意，可是我不能同意。"她抬起头来端详着他的脸，只见黑夜中一个灰白的卵形物，她使劲地留心观察他是不是有所领悟，表示同情，改变初衷，从而赞成她的意见。
可是一见到她这种显然是坚决的拒绝，他很生气。现在他再也不会心软了。在他看来，这一切颇有他向霍丹斯。布里格斯献殷勤时屡遭失败的味道。老实说，象这样的事，现在他是怎么也受不了。如果她要这样做，那就请吧，随她去做得了……与他一概无涉。现在他可以挑选到更多姑娘……要多少就有多少……而且对他可要百依百顺极了。
他很生气，耸了耸肩膀，一面转身要走，一面还对她说:
"喂，你只要还是这样想法，那末，就随你的便吧。"罗伯达一见此状，吓得呆若木鸡，伫立在那里。
"请您别走，克莱德。请您别离开我，"她突然可怜巴巴地喊了出来。她那坚强不屈的勇敢气概，倏忽消失了，心中深深地感到痛苦。"我可不要您走。我是这样爱您，克莱德。要是我可以的话，我一定会同意。这个您也知道。
""是啊，当然罗，我知道，不过，你用不着对我说这个，"(这是因为他过去跟霍丹斯和丽达打交道时的经验，才促使他采取这种态度)他猛地一转身，从她的胳臂弯里挣脱出来，就在黑夜中大街上快步走去。
这一突如其来的变化，让他们俩都感到莫大痛苦，罗伯达一下子就惊恐失色了。她大声喊道:
"克莱德!
"接着，她在他后面紧追不舍，心里巴不得他会停下来，让她再宽慰他一番。可他就是不肯回来，反而加快步子往前走。这时，她只有紧紧地追上他，必要的话，还得使出全部力气抓住他……她的克莱德呀!
她就跟在他后面紧追了一阵，可是她又转念一想，她这是平生头一次那样低声下气，向人苦苦哀求，不由得大吃一惊，于是，她就突然停住了脚步。因为，一方面过去她受过的传统教育，要求她坚定不屈……不要这样轻贱自己，可是另一方面，她企求爱情。了解。友谊的种种欲念，却要求她在时间还来得及。趁他没有走开之前追上他。他那漂亮的险，漂亮的手啊。他的那一双眼睛啊。耳畔还听得见他脚步的回声，可是，迄至今日一直向她灌注，并且束缚她的那些传统观念，依然是那样强大，因此，尽管她心里剧痛不已，这两股力量终于构成了不分高下的均势。她便停下来，只觉得往前走不行，停下来也不行……眼看着他们美好的友情这一突然决裂，她既不理解，而且也忍受不了。
她的心儿被痛苦折磨着，她的嘴唇也一下子煞白了。她麻木地伫立在那里，默不作声……她一句话都说不出，甚至连平时挂在她嘴边的克莱德这个名字也说不出来了。她心里只是在想:
"哦，克莱德，请您别走，克莱德。哦，请您别走。
"殊不知他早已听不见了。他一个劲儿疾走着，他那渐渐远去的脚步的回声，显然在她充满痛苦的耳朵里，也越来越模糊不清了。
这是她有生以来爱情头一次受到使她为之焦灼。目眩。流血的创伤。
收听单词发音 |
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jointly
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| ad.联合地，共同地 | |
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censurable
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| adj.可非难的，该责备的 | |
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intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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durable
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| adj.持久的，耐久的 | |
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lesser
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| adj.次要的，较小的；adv.较小地，较少地 | |
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temperament
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| n.气质，性格，性情 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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complicate
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| vt.使复杂化，使混乱，使难懂 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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opposition
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| n.反对，敌对 | |
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embodied
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| v.表现( embody的过去式和过去分词 )；象征；包括；包含 | |
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unwilling
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| adj.不情愿的 | |
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rebellious
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| adj.造反的，反抗的，难控制的 | |
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awe
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| n.敬畏，惊惧；vt.使敬畏，使惊惧 | |
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reassuringly
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| ad.安心，可靠 | |
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throb
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| v.震颤，颤动；(急速强烈地)跳动，搏动 | |
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defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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wiles
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| n.（旨在欺骗或吸引人的）诡计，花招；欺骗，欺诈( wile的名词复数 ) | |
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evasions
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| 逃避( evasion的名词复数 )； 回避； 遁辞； 借口 | |
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persuasion
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| n.劝说；说服；持有某种信仰的宗派 | |
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sullenly
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| 不高兴地，绷着脸，忧郁地 | |
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complexities
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| 复杂性(complexity的名词复数)； 复杂的事物 | |
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beleaguered
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| adj.受到围困[围攻]的；包围的v.围攻( beleaguer的过去式和过去分词)；困扰；骚扰 | |
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futilely
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| futile（无用的）的变形； 干 | |
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unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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smacked
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| 拍，打，掴( smack的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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shrug
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| v.耸肩(表示怀疑、冷漠、不知等) | |
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belittle
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| v.轻视，小看，贬低 | |
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receding
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| v.逐渐远离( recede的现在分词 )；向后倾斜；自原处后退或避开别人的注视；尤指问题 | |
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binding
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| 有约束力的，有效的，应遵守的 | |
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rift
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| n.裂口，隙缝，切口；v.裂开，割开，渗入 | |
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constricted
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| adj.抑制的，约束的 | |
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numb
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| adj.麻木的，失去感觉的；v.使麻木 | |
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persistently
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| ad.坚持地；固执地 | |
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