The wonder and, delight of a new and more intimate form of contact, of protest gainsaid1, of scruples2 overcome!
Days, when both, having struggled in vain against the greater intimacy3 which each knew that the other wasdesirous of yielding to, and eventually so yielding, looked forward to the approaching night with an eagernesswhich was as a fever embodying4 a fear. For with what qualms--what protests on the part of Roberta; whatdetermination, yet not without a sense of evil--seduction--betrayal, on the part of Clyde. Yet the thing once done,a wild convulsive pleasure motivating both. Yet, not without, before all this, an exaction5 on the part of Roberta tothe effect that never--come what might (the natural consequences of so wild an intimacy strong in her thoughts)would he desert her, since without his aid she would be helpless. Yet, with no direct statement as to marriage.
And he, so completely overcome and swayed by his desire, thoughtlessly protesting that he never would--never.
She might depend on that, at least, although even then there was no thought in his mind of marriage. He wouldnot do that. Yet nights and nights--all scruples for the time being abandoned, and however much by day Robertamight brood and condemn6 herself--when each yielded to the other completely. And dreamed thereafter,recklessly and wildly, of the joy of it--wishing from day to day for the time being that the long day might end-thatthe concealing7, rewarding feverish8 night were at hand.
And Clyde feeling, and not unlike Roberta, who was firmly and even painfully convinced of it, that this was sin-deadly,mortal--since both his mother and father had so often emphasized that--the seducer--adulterer--who preysoutside the sacred precincts of marriage. And Roberta, peering nervously9 into the blank future, wondering what-how,in any case, by any chance, Clyde should change, or fail her. Yet the night returning, her mood once moreveering, and she as well as he hurrying to meet somewhere--only later, in the silence of the middle night, to slipinto this unlighted room which was proving so much more of a Paradise than either might ever know again--sowild and unrecapturable is the fever of youth.
And--at times--and despite all his other doubts and fears, Clyde, because of this sudden abandonment by Robertaof herself to his desires, feeling for the first time, really, in all his feverish years, that at last he was a man of theworld--one who was truly beginning to know women. And so taking to himself an air or manner that said asplainly as might have any words--"Behold I am no longer the inexperienced, neglected simpleton of but a fewweeks ago, but an individual of import now--some one who knows something about life. What have any of thesestrutting young men, and gay, coaxing10, flirting11 girls all about me, that I have not? And if I chose--were less loyalthan I am--what might I not do?" And this was proving to him that the notion which Hortense Briggs, to saynothing of the more recent fiasco in connection with Rita had tended to build up in his mind, i.e.,--that he waseither unsuccessful or ill-fated where girls were concerned was false. He was after all and despite various failuresand inhibitions a youth of the Don Juan or Lothario stripe.
And if now Roberta was obviously willing to sacrifice herself for him in this fashion, must there not be others?
And this, in spite of the present indifference12 of the Griffiths, caused him to walk with even more of an air thanhad hitherto characterized him. Even though neither they nor any of those connected with them recognized him,still he looked at himself in his mirror from time to time with an assurance and admiration13 which before this hehad never possessed14. For now Roberta, feeling that her future was really dependent on his will and whim15, had setherself to flatter him almost constantly, to be as obliging and convenient to him as possible. Indeed, according toher notion of the proper order of life, she was now his and his only, as much as any wife is ever to a husband, todo with as he wished.
And for a time therefore, Clyde forgot his rather neglected state here and was content to devote himself to herwithout thinking much of the future. The one thing that did trouble him at times was the thought that possibly, inconnection with the original fear she had expressed to him, something might go wrong, which, considering herexclusive devotion to him, might prove embarrassing. At the same time he did not trouble to speculate too deeplyas to that. He had Roberta now. These relations, in so far as either of them could see, or guess, were a darksecret. The pleasures of this left-handed honeymoon16 were at full tide. And the remaining brisk and oftensunshiny and warm November and first December days passed--as in a dream, really--an ecstatic paradise ofsorts in the very center of a humdrum17 conventional and petty and underpaid work-a-day world.
In the meantime the Griffiths had been away from the city since the middle of June and ever since their departureClyde had been meditating18 upon them and all they represented in his life and that of the city. Their great houseclosed and silent, except for gardeners and an occasional chauffeur19 or servant visible as he walked from time totime past the place, was the same as a shrine20 to him, nearly--the symbol of that height to which by some turn offate he might still hope to attain21. For he had never quite been able to expel from his mind the thought that hisfuture must in some way be identified with the grandeur22 that was here laid out before him.
Yet so far as the movements of the Griffiths family and their social peers outside Lycurgus were concerned, heknew little other than that which from time to time he had read in the society columns of the two local paperswhich almost obsequiously23 pictured the comings and goings of all those who were connected with the moreimportant families of the city. At times, after reading these accounts he had pictured to himself, even when hewas off somewhere with Roberta at some unheralded resort, Gilbert Griffiths racing24 in his big car, Bella, Bertineand Sandra dancing, canoeing in the moonlight, playing tennis, riding at some of the smart resorts where they were reported to be. The thing had had a bite and ache for him that was almost unendurable and had lit up forhim at times and with overwhelming clarity this connection of his with Roberta. For after all, who was she? Afactory girl! The daughter of parents who lived and worked on a farm and one who was compelled to work forher own living. Whereas he--he--if fortune would but favor him a little--! Was this to be the end of all his dreamsin connection with his perspective superior life here?
So it was that at moments and in his darker moods, and especially after she had abandoned herself to him, histhoughts ran. She was not of his station, really--at least not of that of the Griffiths to which still he most eagerlyaspired. Yet at the same time, whatever the mood generated by such items as he read in The Star, he would stillreturn to Roberta, picturing her, since the other mood which had drawn25 him to her had by no means palled26 as yet,as delightful27, precious, exceedingly worthwhile from the point of view of beauty, pleasure, sweetness--theattributes and charms which best identify any object of delight.
But the Griffiths and their friends having returned to the city, and Lycurgus once more taken on that brisk,industrial and social mood which invariably characterized it for at least seven months in the year, he was again,and even more vigorously than before, intrigued28 by it. The beauty of the various houses along Wykeagy Avenueand its immediate29 tributaries30! The unusual and intriguing31 sense of movement and life there so much in evidence.
Oh, if he were but of it!
他们之间建立一种新的。更亲密的关系，她也不再抗拒，顾虑重重，这时真有说不出的快乐!
尽管他们俩在白昼枉然徒劳地反对私通，但谁都知道对方是甘心顺从的，后来也终于两厢情愿了。他们俩都心焦如焚地等待夜晚的到来，简直如同发热病那样难熬，可又充满恐惧不安。从罗伯达来说，毕竟深感疑虑不安，一再抗拒;克莱德十分坚决，但也并非丝毫没有意识到这就是邪恶……诱奸……欺骗。不过，一旦偷香窃玉以后，一种奇异的。几乎令人痉挛的快乐，却在激发他们。然而，在这以前，罗伯达并不是没有得到保证，说:
不管将来发生什么事(她心里一直在想:
这样狂热的私通，自然必定会有后果)，他决不会遗弃她，因为如果没有他的奥援，她就只好徒呼奈何。不过，当时并没有直接提到要结婚。克莱德被欲念彻底征服后，就不假思索地明确表示:
他永远不会遗弃她……永远也不会。至少这一点，她尽管可以放心好了，虽然即使在此刻他心里压根儿都没有想到要结婚。这个他可不愿意呢。眼看着一夜复一夜……所有一切顾虑暂时都给置之脑后了，哪怕一到白天，罗伯达也许会沉思默想，责备自己……可是他们俩夜夜都沉溺于自己强烈的情欲之中。过后，他们还如痴似醉地梦想着夜间的乐趣……每天都在眼巴巴盼着漫长的白昼快一点过去……那遮天盖地。补偿一切。有如发热病似的夜晚快一点来临。
其实，克莱德心里所想的，跟罗伯达毫无二致。他坚决地。甚至痛心地深信:
这就是一种罪恶……一种能使灵魂死亡的大罪……因为这是他母亲和父亲不止一次地说过……是诱奸者，是奸夫，总是越过神圣的婚姻界限使人受害无穷。
罗伯达心里则惴惴不安地展望着渺茫的未来，深恐万一克莱德变了心，遗弃她，该又怎么办。可是，夜晚又回来了，她的心情也就改弦易辙了。她如同他一样，就急冲冲赶到约定地点幽会去……直到万籁俱寂的深夜，一块儿才偷偷溜进这个黑灯瞎火的房间，他们觉得这里仿佛就是他们一辈子只有一次才能得到的天堂……青年人的狂热劲儿，就是那么疯狂，而又不可复得啊。
尽管克莱德还有种种疑虑和恐惧，可是，由于罗伯达这样突然屈从了他的欲念，有时他会有生以来头一次感到:
说真的，在这些狂热的岁月里，他终于成为一个富有经验的人……一个真正开始懂得女人的汉子了。瞧他那副神气或则派头，再也清楚不过地在说:
"你看，我可不再是几星期前那个没有经验。毫不显眼的蠢小子啦。现在，我是一个多么了不起的人……一个稍微懂得人生况味的人了。那些神气活现的年轻人，还有我周围的那些放荡不羁。卖弄风骚的姑娘，我才一点儿都不希罕呢?
只要我高兴……哪怕我不是那么忠贞不渝……还有什么事我做不到的呢?
"他跟罗伯达的交往向他证明，他这个想法实在是错的(这种想法在他跟霍丹斯。布里格斯交往后，已在心里根深蒂固，更不用提最近他跟丽达来往而最后以惨败告终的事了)，那就是说:
他跟姑娘们打交道，不是受了挫败，就是运气不好。尽管过去屡遭失败，屡受禁止，可是说到底，他毕竟还是唐璜，或洛萨里奥(此处均指色魔。登徒子。引诱妇女者。唐璜原是欧洲(比如西班牙)传说中的风流汉子，拜伦。莫里哀与普希金都写过唐璜的故事题材的作品，从而使唐璜举世驰名。洛萨里奥在英国俗称"快活的洛萨里奥"，是尼古拉斯。罗的作品《漂亮的悔罪人》中一个残酷的。淫佚浪荡的人物。)这一类型年轻人啊。
如果说罗伯达分明就是这样心甘情愿为他献出了自己，那末，别人也不见得做不到这一点吧?
尽管最近格里菲思一家人对他漠不关心，如今他走起路来，却比过去更加神气活现了。即使他们和跟他们有关系的人，谁都不承认他的地位，可他还是满怀着过去从没有过的信心，时不时对着镜子孤芳自赏。现在，罗伯达感到她个人的前途真的完全取决于他的旨意和奇想了，因此，她就经常恭维他，百般向他献殷勤，给方便。事实上，根据她自己的观点，现在她已经是属于他的了，而且仅仅是属于他的人了，就象妻子永远属于丈夫一样，事事对他都要百依百顺。
克莱德就这样暂时忘掉了自己在这里被亲戚瞧不起的情况，乐孜孜地专心挚爱她，压根儿没去想将来的事。只有一件事有时使他烦恼不安，那就是:
一想到他们建立关系后可能带来的后果，对此她一开头便向他表示过惧怕，因为既然现在她全心全意地忠于他了，一旦出了差错，肯定非常尴尬。不过，他对这件事压根儿也没有深思下去。反正现在罗伯达已归他所有了。他们俩谁都认为(或则推想):
他们这种关系乃是严守秘密的事。他们这种门第不相当婚配在蜜月中的快乐，还正处在高潮呢。十一月底微风轻，往往是阳光灿烂，暖人心窝的那些日子，还有十二月初那几天，如今全都过去了……真的如同在梦里幻然逝去一般……在这个单调。平庸。卑贱。虽然胼手胝足地干活。工资却少得可怜的小天地里，这个梦就象是令人神魂颠倒的天堂一般。
格里菲思一家人自从六月中旬离城以来，一直没有回来。克莱德心里老是想到他们，想到他们在他自己的生活和莱柯格斯生活中所具有的重大作用。他们那幢巨邸大门关着，寂然无声，只是他有时候走过，偶尔看见几个花匠，或是难得看见一个司机或佣人。他觉得，这幢巨邸如同一座神圣的殿堂，差不多……也是他还在希望自己有一天时来运转，说不定就能攀到那么高的地位的象征。他心里有一个念头总是萦绕不去:
他的前途在某种程度上说必须跟呈现在他眼前的那种高贵气派融为一体。
关于格里菲思一家人，以及在社会地位上跟他们旗鼓相当的人们在莱柯格斯近郊的生活动态，克莱德经常从当地两家报纸的上流社会交际新闻栏目里了解到一些，除此以外则一无所知。上述两家报纸，对于莱柯格斯著名世家望族的来去行踪，几乎总要溜须拍马地加以描述一番。有时，他看了这些报道，心里禁不住浮想联翩(即使在他去事先不知道的地点跟罗伯达幽会时也这样):
吉尔伯特。格里菲思怎样开着他那辆大汽车飞也似的疾驰而去;贝拉。伯蒂娜和桑德拉怎样在一起跳舞，打网球，在月光下泛舟，并在两报所说的漂亮别墅那一带遛马。这种对比刺痛了他的心，几乎使他受不了，有时还启发他，让他无比清晰地看透了自己跟罗伯达的这种关系。罗伯达到底是何许人也?
厂里的一个女工!
她的父母就是住在农场上干活的，女儿为了自己温饱，不能不干活啊。可是他呢……他只要运气稍微好一些……!
难道说他向往自己未来在这里过上高贵生活的种种梦想，就这样给破灭了吗?
有时，他心绪不好，特别在她委身于他以后，他心里就是常常这样想的。
说实话，她的出身跟他不同……至少跟他还在热切渴慕的格里菲思这家人不同。
可是，不管他看了《星报》上这类新闻报道以后心里如何激动，他还是照样回到罗伯达身边，既然他被她吸引住的那种喜悦心情至今并未消退，同时，从美丽。欢快。甜蜜的观点来看，他觉得她依然非常可爱。迷人，特别值得爱她的……根据以上这些特性与魅力，一望可知，她就是快乐的源泉。
不过，格里菲思一家人和他们的朋友们，如今又回来了，莱柯格斯又现出生气勃勃的活跃景象，通常每年至少有七个月都具有这样特色。于是，克莱德又被莱柯格斯上流社会生活迷住了，甚至比过去更加入了迷。威克吉大街及其毗邻街上，各式各样的房子有多美!
那一带人们生活多么不寻常，又多么诱人啊!
啊，如果说他也是其中一员，该有多好!
收听单词发音 |
1
gainsaid
|
|
| v.否认，反驳( gainsay的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
scruples
|
|
| n.良心上的不安( scruple的名词复数 )；顾虑，顾忌v.感到于心不安，有顾忌( scruple的第三人称单数 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
intimacy
|
|
| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
embodying
|
|
| v.表现( embody的现在分词 )；象征；包括；包含 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
exaction
|
|
| n.强求，强征；杂税 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
condemn
|
|
| vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
concealing
|
|
| v.隐藏，隐瞒，遮住( conceal的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
feverish
|
|
| adj.发烧的，狂热的，兴奋的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
nervously
|
|
| adv.神情激动地，不安地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
coaxing
|
|
| v.哄，用好话劝说( coax的现在分词 )；巧言骗取；哄劝，劝诱；“锻炼”效应 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
flirting
|
|
| v.调情，打情骂俏( flirt的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
indifference
|
|
| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
admiration
|
|
| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
possessed
|
|
| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
whim
|
|
| n.一时的兴致，突然的念头；奇想，幻想 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
honeymoon
|
|
| n.蜜月（假期）；vi.度蜜月 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
humdrum
|
|
| adj.单调的，乏味的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
meditating
|
|
| a.沉思的，冥想的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
chauffeur
|
|
| n.(受雇于私人或公司的)司机；v.为…开车 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
shrine
|
|
| n.圣地，神龛，庙；v.将...置于神龛内，把...奉为神圣 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
attain
|
|
| vt.达到，获得，完成 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
grandeur
|
|
| n.伟大，崇高，宏伟，庄严，豪华 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
obsequiously
|
|
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
racing
|
|
| n.竞赛，赛马；adj.竞赛用的，赛马用的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
drawn
|
|
| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
palled
|
|
| v.（因过多或过久而）生厌，感到乏味，厌烦( pall的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
delightful
|
|
| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
intrigued
|
|
| adj.好奇的，被迷住了的v.搞阴谋诡计(intrigue的过去式)；激起…的兴趣或好奇心；“intrigue”的过去式和过去分词 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
29
immediate
|
|
| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
30
tributaries
|
|
| n. 支流 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
31
intriguing
|
|
| adj.有趣的；迷人的v.搞阴谋诡计(intrigue的现在分词)；激起…的好奇心 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |