Biltz and the fungoid farm land after Clyde and Lycurgus was depressing enough to Roberta, for all there wastoo closely identified with deprivations1 and repressions2 which discolor the normal emotions centering about oldscenes.
As she stepped down from the train at the drab and aged3 chalet which did service for a station, she observed herfather in the same old winter overcoat he had worn for a dozen years, waiting for her with the old familyconveyance, a decrepit4 but still whole buggy and a horse as bony and weary as himself. He had, as she hadalways thought, the look of a tired and defeated man. His face brightened when he saw Roberta, for she hadalways been his favorite child, and he chatted quite cheerfully as she climbed in alongside of him and they turnedaround and started toward the road that led to the farmhouse5, a rough and winding6 affair of dirt at a time whenexcellent automobile7 roads were a commonplace elsewhere.
As they rode along Roberta found herself checking off mentally every tree, curve, landmark8 with which she hadbeen familiar. But with no happy thoughts. It was all too drab. The farm itself, coupled with the chronic9 illnessand inefficiency10 of Titus and the inability of the youngest boy Tom or her mother to help much, was as big aburden as ever. A mortgage of $2000 that had been placed on it years before had never been paid off, the northchimney was still impaired11, the steps were sagging12 even more than ever and the walls and fences and outlying buildings were no different--save to be made picturesque13 now by the snows of winter covering them. Even thefurniture remained the same jumble14 that it had always been. And there were her mother and younger sister andbrother, who knew nothing of her true relationship to Clyde--a mere15 name his here--and assuming that she waswholeheartedly delighted to be back with them once more. Yet because of what she knew of her own life andClyde's uncertain attitude toward her, she was now, if anything, more depressed16 than before.
Indeed, the fact that despite her seeming recent success she had really compromised herself in such a way thatunless through marriage with Clyde she was able to readjust herself to the moral level which her parentsunderstood and approved, she, instead of being the emissary of a slowly and modestly improving socialcondition for all, might be looked upon as one who had reduced it to a lower level still--its destroyer--wassufficient to depress and reduce her even more. A very depressing and searing thought.
Worse and more painful still was the thought in connection with all this that, by reason of the illusions whichfrom the first had dominated her in connection with Clyde, she had not been able to make a confidant of hermother or any one else in regard to him. For she was dubious17 as to whether her mother would not consider thather aspirations18 were a bit high. And she might ask questions in regard to him and herself which might proveembarrassing. At the same time, unless she had some confidant in whom she could truly trust, all hertroublesome doubts in regard to herself and Clyde must remain a secret.
After talking for a few moments with Tom and Emily, she went into the kitchen where her mother was busy withvarious Christmas preparations. Her thought was to pave the way with some observations of her own in regard tothe farm here and her life at Lycurgus, but as she entered, her mother looked up to say: "How does it feel, Bob, tocome back to the country? I suppose it all looks rather poor compared to Lycurgus," she added a little wistfully.
Roberta could tell from the tone of her mother's voice and the rather admiring look she cast upon her that she wasthinking of her as one who had vastly improved her state. At once she went over to her and, putting her armsabout her affectionately, exclaimed: "Oh, Mamma, wherever you are is just the nicest place. Don't you knowthat?"For answer her mother merely looked at her with affectionate and well-wishing eyes and patted her on the back.
"Well, Bobbie," she added, quietly, "you know how you are about me."Something in her mother's voice which epitomized the long years of affectionate understanding between them-anunderstanding based, not only on a mutual19 desire for each other's happiness, but a complete frankness inregard to all emotions and moods which had hitherto dominated both--touched her almost to the point of tears.
Her throat tightened20 and her eyes moistened, although she sought to overcome any show of emotion whatsoever21.
She longed to tell her everything. At the same time the compelling passion she retained for Clyde, as well as thefact that she had compromised herself as she had, now showed her that she had erected22 a barrier which could noteasily be torn down. The conventions of this local world were much too strong--even where her mother wasconcerned.
She hesitated a moment, wishing that she could quickly and clearly present to her mother the problem that wasweighing upon her and receive her sympathy, if not help. But instead she merely said: "Oh, I wish you couldhave been with me all the time in Lycurgus, Mamma. Maybe--" She paused, realizing that she had been on the verge23 of speaking without due caution. Her thought was that with her mother near at hand she might have beenable to have resisted Clyde's insistent24 desires.
"Yes, I suppose you do miss me," her mother went on, "but it's better for you, don't you think? You know how itis over here, and you like your work. You do like your work, don't you?""Oh, the work is nice enough. I like that part of it. It's been so nice to be able to help here a little, but it's not sonice living all alone.""Why did you leave the Newtons, Bob? Was Grace so disagreeable? I should have thought she would have beencompany for you.""Oh, she was at first," replied Roberta. "Only she didn't have any men friends of her own, and she was awfullyjealous of anybody that paid the least attention to me. I couldn't go anywhere but she had to go along, or if itwasn't that then she always wanted me to be with her, so I couldn't go anywhere by myself. You know how it is,Mamma. Two girls can't go with one young man.""Yes, I know how it is, Bob." Her mother laughed a little, then added: "Who is he?""It's Mr. Griffiths, Mother," she added, after a moment's hesitation27, a sense of the exceptional nature of hercontact as contrasted with this very plain world here passing like a light across her eyes. For all her fears, eventhe bare possibility of joining her life with Clyde's was marvelous. "But I don't want you to mention his name toanybody yet," she added. "He doesn't want me to. His relatives are so very rich, you know. They own thecompany--that is, his uncle does. But there's a rule there about any one who works for the company--any one incharge of a department. I mean not having anything to do with any of the girls. And he wouldn't with any of theothers. But he likes me--and I like him, and it's different with us. Besides I'm going to resign pretty soon and geta place somewhere else, I think, and then it won't make any difference. I can tell anybody, and so can he."Roberta was thinking now that, in the face of her recent treatment at the hands of Clyde, as well as because of theway in which she had given herself to him without due precaution as to her ultimate rehabilitation28 via marriage,that perhaps this was not exactly true. He might not--a vague, almost formless, fear this, as yet--want her to tellanybody now--ever. And unless he were going to continue to love her and marry her, she might not want any oneto know of it, either. The wretched, shameful29, difficult position in which she had placed herself by all this.
On the other hand, Mrs. Alden, learning thus casually30 of the odd and seemingly clandestine31 nature of thisrelationship, was not only troubled but puzzled, so concerned was she for Roberta's happiness. For, although, asshe now said to herself, Roberta was such a good, pure and careful girl--the best and most unselfish and wisest ofall her children--still might it not be possible--? But, no, no one was likely to either easily or safely compromiseor betray Roberta. She was too conservative and good, and so now she added: "A relative of the owner, you say-theMr. Samuel Griffiths you wrote about?""Yes, Mamma. He's his nephew.""The young man at the factory?" her mother asked, at the same time wondering just how Roberta had come to attract a man of Clyde's position, for, from the very first she had made it plain that he was a member of thefamily who owned the factory. This in itself was a troublesome fact. The traditional result of such relationships,common the world over, naturally caused her to be intensely fearful of just such an association as Robertaseemed to be making. Nevertheless she was not at all convinced that a girl of Roberta's looks and practicalitywould not be able to negotiate an association of the sort without harm to herself.
"Yes," Roberta replied simply.
"What's he like, Bob?""Oh, awfully26 nice. So good-looking, and he's been so nice to me. I don't think the place would be as nice as it isexcept that he is so refined, he keeps those factory girls in their place. He's a nephew of the president of thecompany, you see, and the girls just naturally have to respect him.""Well, that IS nice, isn't it? I think it's so much better to work for refined people than just anybody. I know youdidn't think so much of the work over at Trippetts Mills. Does he come to see you often, Bob?""Well, yes, pretty often," Roberta replied, flushing slightly, for she realized that she could not be entirely32 frankwith her mother.
Mrs. Alden, looking up at the moment, noticed this, and, mistaking it for embarrassment33, asked teasingly: "Youlike him, don't you?""Yes, I do, Mother," Roberta replied, simply and honestly.
"What about him? Does he like you?"Roberta crossed to the kitchen window. Below it at the base of the slope which led to the springhouse, and theone most productive field of the farm, were ranged all the dilapidated buildings which more than anything elseabout the place bespoke34 the meager35 material condition to which the family had fallen. In fact, during the last tenyears these things had become symbols of inefficiency and lack. Somehow at this moment, bleak36 and coveredwith snow, they identified themselves in her mind as the antithesis37 of all to which her imagination aspired38. And,not strangely either, the last was identified with Clyde. Somberness as opposed to happiness--success in love orfailure in love. Assuming that he truly loved her now and would take her away from all this, then possibly thebleakness of it all for her and her mother would be broken. But assuming that he did not, then all the results ofher yearning39, but possibly mistaken, dreams would be not only upon her own head, but upon those of theseothers, her mother's first. She troubled what to say, but finally observed: "Well, he says he does.""Do you think he intends to marry you?" Mrs. Alden asked, timidly and hopefully, because of all her children herheart and hopes rested most with Roberta.
"Well, I'll tell you, Mamma . . ." The sentence was not finished, for just then Emily, hurrying in from the frontdoor, called: "Oh, Gifs here. He came in an automobile. Somebody drove him over, I guess, and he's got four orfive big bundles."And immediately after came Tom with the elder brother, who, in a new overcoat, the first result of his careerwith the General Electric Company in Schenectady, greeted his mother affectionately, and after her, Roberta.
"Why, Gifford," his mother exclaimed. "We didn't expect you until the nine o'clock. How did you get here sosoon?""Well, I didn't think I would be. I ran into Mr. Rearick down in Schenectady and he wanted to know if I didn'twant to drive back with him. I see old Pop Myers over at Trippetts Mills has got the second story to his house atlast, Bob," he turned and added to Roberta: "I suppose it'll be another year before he gets the roof on.""I suppose so," replied Roberta, who knew the old Trippetts Mills character well. In the meantime she hadrelieved him of his coat and packages which, piled on the dining-room table, were being curiously40 eyed byEmily.
"Hands off, Em!" called Gifford to his little sister. "Nothing doing with those until Christmas morning. Hasanybody cut a Christmas tree yet? That was my job last year.""It still is, Gifford," his mother replied. "I told Tom to wait until you came, 'cause you always get such a goodone."And just then through the kitchen door Titus entered, bearing an armload of wood, his gaunt face and angularelbows and knees contributing a sharp contrast to the comparative hopefulness of the younger generation.
Roberta noticed it as he stood smiling upon his son, and, because she was so eager for something better than everhad been to come to all, now went over to her father and put her arms around him. "I know something Santy hasbrought my Dad that he'll like." It was a dark red plaid mackinaw that she was sure would keep him warm whileexecuting his chores about the house, and she was anxious for Christmas morning to come so that he could see it.
She then went to get an apron41 in order to help her mother with the evening meal. No additional moment forcomplete privacy occurring, the opportunity to say more concerning that which both were so interested in--thesubject of Clyde--did not come up again for several hours, after which length of time she found occasion to say:
"Yes, but you mustn't ever say anything to anybody yet. I told him I wouldn't tell, and you mustn't.""No, I won't, dear. But I was just wondering. But I suppose you know what you're doing. You're old enough nowto take care of yourself, Bob, aren't you?""Yes, I am, Ma. And you mustn't worry about me, dear," she added, seeing a shadow, not of distrust but worry,passing over her beloved mother's face. How careful she must be not to cause her to worry when she had somuch else to think about here on the farm.
Sunday morning brought the Gabels with full news of their social and material progress in Homer. Although hersister was not as attractive as she, and Fred Gabel was not such a man as at any stage in her life Roberta couldhave imagined herself interested in, still, after her troublesome thoughts in regard to Clyde, the sight of Agnesemotionally and materially content and at ease in the small security which matrimony and her none-too-efficient husband provided, was sufficient to rouse in her that flapping, doubtful mood that had been assailing42 her sincethe previous morning. Was it not better, she thought, to be married to a man even as inefficient43 and unattractivebut steadfast44 as Fred Gabel, than to occupy the anomalous45 position in which she now found herself in herrelations with Clyde? For here was Gabel now talking briskly of the improvements that had come to himself andAgnes during the year in which they had been married. In that time he had been able to resign his position asteacher in Homer and take over on shares the management of a small book and stationery46 store whose principalcontributory features were a toy department and soda47 fountain. They had been doing a good business. Agnes, ifall went well, would be able to buy a mission parlor48 suite49 by next summer. Fred had already bought her aphonograph for Christmas. In proof of their well-being50, they had brought satisfactory remembrances for all of theAldens.
But Gabel had with him a copy of the Lycurgus Star, and at breakfast, which because of the visitors this morningwas unusually late, was reading the news of that city, for in Lycurgus was located the wholesale51 house fromwhich he secured a portion of his stock.
"Well, I see things are going full blast in your town, Bob," he observed. "The Star here says the GriffithsCompany have got an order for 120,000 collars from the Buffalo52 trade alone. They must be just coining moneyover there.""There's always plenty to do in my department, I know that," replied Roberta, briskly. "We never seem to haveany the less to do whether business is good or bad. I guess it must be good all the time.""Pretty soft for those people. They don't have to worry about anything. Some one was telling me they're going tobuild a new factory in Ilion to manufacture shirts alone. Heard anything about that down there?""Why, no, I haven't. Maybe it's some other company.""By the way, what's the name of that young man you said was the head of your department? Wasn't he aGriffiths, too?" he asked briskly, turning to the editorial page, which also carried news of local Lycurgus society.
"Yes, his name is Griffiths--Clyde Griffiths. Why?""I think I saw his name in here a minute ago. I just wanted to see if it ain't the same fellow. Sure, here you are.
Ain't this the one?" He passed the paper to Roberta with his finger on an item which read:
"Miss Vanda Steele, of Gloversville, was hostess at an informal dance held at her home in that city Friday night,at which were present several prominent members of Lycurgus society, among them the Misses Sondra Finchiey,Bertine Cranston, Jill and Gertrude Trumbull and Perley Haynes, and Messrs. Clyde Griffiths, Frank Harriet,Tracy Trumbull, Grant Cranston and Scott Nicholson. The party, as is usual whenever the younger groupassembles, did not break up until late, the Lycurgus members motoring back just before dawn. It is alreadyrumored that most of this group will gather at the Ellerslies', in Schenectady, New Year's Eve for another eventof this same gay nature.""He seems to be quite a fellow over there," Gabel remarked, even as Roberta was reading.
The first thing that occurred to Roberta on reading this item was that it appeared to have little, if anything, to dowith the group which Clyde had said was present. In the first place there was no mention of Myra or BellaGriffiths. On the other hand, all those names with which, because of recent frequent references on the part ofClyde, she was becoming most familiar were recorded as present. Sondra Finchley, Bertine Cranston, theTrumbull girls, Perley Haynes. He had said it had not been very interesting, and here it was spoken of as gay andhe himself was listed for another engagement of the same character New Year's Eve, when, as a matter of fact,she had been counting on being with him. He had not even mentioned this New Year's engagement. And perhapshe would now make some last minute excuse for that, as he had for the previous Friday evening. Oh, dear! Whatdid all this mean, anyhow!
Immediately what little romantic glamour53 this Christmas homecoming had held for her was dissipated. Shebegan to wonder whether Clyde really cared for her as he had pretended. The dark state to which her incurablepassion for him had brought her now pained her terribly. For without him and marriage and a home and children,and a reasonable place in such a local world as she was accustomed to, what was there for a girl like her in theworld? And apart from his own continuing affection for her--if it was really continuing, what assurance had she,in the face of such incidents as these, that he would not eventually desert her? And if this was true, here was herfuture, in so far as marriage with any one else was concerned, compromised or made impossible, maybe, andwith no reliance to be placed on him.
She fell absolutely silent. And although Gabel inquired: "That's the fellow, isn't it?" she arose without answeringand said: "Excuse me, please, a moment. I want to get something out of my bag," and hurried once more to herformer room upstairs. Once there she sat down on the bed, and, resting her chin in her hands, a habit whentroublesome or necessary thoughts controlled her, gazed at the floor.
Where was Clyde now?
What one, if any, of those girls did he take to the Steele party? Was he very much interested in her? Until thisvery day, because of Clyde's unbroken devotion to her, she had not even troubled to think there could be anyother girl to whom his attentions could mean anything.
But now--now!
She got up and walked to the window and looked out on that same orchard54 where as a girl so many times she hadbeen thrilled by the beauty of life. The scene was miserably55 bleak and bare. The thin, icy arms of the trees--thegray, swaying twigs--a lone25, rustling56 leaf somewhere. And snow. And wretched outbuildings in need of repair.
And Clyde becoming indifferent to her. And the thought now came to her swiftly and urgently that she must notstay here any longer than she could help--not even this day, if possible. She must return to Lycurgus and be nearClyde, if no more than to persuade him to his old affection for her, or if not that, then by her presence to preventhim from devoting himself too wholly to these others. Decidedly, to go away like this, even for the holidays, wasnot good. In her absence he might desert her completely for another girl, and if so, then would it not be her fault?
At once she pondered as to what excuse she could make in order to return this day. But realizing that in view ofall these preliminary preparations this would seem inexplicably57 unreasonable58, to her mother most of all, shedecided to endure it as she had planned until Christmas afternoon, then to return, never to leave for so long a period again.
But ad interim59, all her thoughts were on how and in what way she could make more sure, if at all, of Clyde'scontinued interest and social and emotional support, as well as marriage in the future. Supposing he had lied toher, how could she influence him, if at all, not to do so again? How to make him feel that lying between themwas not right? How to make herself securely first in his heart against the dreams engendered60 by the possiblecharms of another?
How?
从罗伯达见识过克莱德和莱柯格斯以后，再来看看这比尔茨和它四郊的农场，就足以使她泄气的了。因为这里的一切都跟贫困分不开，从而使人们常有的怀旧心态为之黯然失色。
她一下火车，来到那座年久失修。单调简陋。已被改成车站的瑞士农舍式的小屋，一眼就看见了她的父亲。他老人家还是穿着那件已经穿了十多个冬天的旧外套，傍着他们家那辆旧马车，正在等候她。这辆四轮单座马车，虽然很旧，但还完整，那匹马瘦骨嶙峋，疲乏困顿，就跟她父亲一模一样。罗伯达脑海里始终记得她父亲那副困乏不堪的倒楣相。他一见到心爱的女儿罗伯达，顿时眉开颜笑。她登上了马车，偎坐在他身旁，他就兴高采烈地絮叨不休。他们一掉过车头，便沿着通往农场的大路径直驶去。虽然这时节漂亮的公路到处都有，可眼前这条大路还是邋里邋遢，坑坑洼洼，弯弯曲曲。
一路上，罗伯达禁不住暗自核对着她一向熟悉的每一棵树。每一个拐弯处。
每一块里程碑。不过她心里并不愉快。周围一切都是那么灰不溜丢的。就以农场来说吧，由于泰特斯有慢性病，经营又没有能耐，小儿子汤姆和妈妈实际上也帮不上大忙，因此，这个农场如同往昔一样，对全家来说成了一个沉重的负担。几年前，这个农场以两千块美元抵押了出去，但是债款从来也没有拨还过。
北边的烟囱坏了，至今仍旧未修过，阶沿石级下陷得比过去更厉害了。墙壁。
栅栏。以及户外一些棚屋，还是一概照旧，只不过入冬后在大雪覆盖之下，反而显得好看了。甚至家具摆设依然如同往日里一样杂乱无章。在这儿等着她的，还有她母亲和弟弟妹妹，他们一点儿都不知道她跟克莱德真正的关系……克莱德在这儿，只不过是一个微不足道的名字罢了……他们满以为她回家来跟亲人们再次聚首团圆，想必打心眼儿里感到高兴。其实，她一想到自己那段生活，以及克莱德对她这种犹豫不定的态度，现在她内心深处比以前任何时候都要沮丧。
事实上确是这样。尽管最近以来她表面上好象诸事顺遂，可是实际上，她已做出了有损自己的事情，除非跟克莱德结婚，她才有可能使自己所作所为完全符合她父母所理解和赞同的那个道德标准。要是她不能帮助全家人不紧不慢地逐步提高社会地位的话，那末，她也许就让一家人蒙受奇耻大辱……败坏了家风……这一切足以使她的心情更加消沉了。她一想到这里，便感到无比沮丧，五内如焚。
最难堪。也是更加折磨她的，就是她心里有这么一个想法:
由于她一开始就对克莱德抱有种种幻想，所以一直没能向她母亲或任何人吐露过有关克莱德的秘密。罗伯达担心母亲会认为她一心妄想高攀。此外，母亲还可能向她提出有关他和她的一些问题，反而使她很窘。与此同时，要是她寻摸不到一个她完全信得过的人，那末，凡是有关她本人与克莱德的所有一切恼人的疑虑，也就只好仍然秘而不宣。
她跟汤姆和艾米莉聊了一会儿以后，便到厨房去了。她母亲为准备过圣诞节正在那里忙活。她本想先谈一谈有关农场和自己在莱柯格斯生活的一些感受，好歹作为铺垫，可她一走进去，母亲就抬起头来冲她说:
"宝芭(宝芭:
罗伯达的昵称。)，回到乡下你觉得怎么样?
我想，现在你在乡下，跟莱柯格斯相比，总觉得什么都很寒伧吧?
"她母亲有点儿忧心忡忡地又说了一句。
说罢，她向女儿投去一个颇为赞赏的眼色，单凭这个眼色和她母亲说话的语调，罗伯达心里就明白，母亲认为她在城里的地位已是非常令人艳羡不已。
她马上走到母亲身边，怪亲热地搂住她，大声嚷道:
"哦，妈妈，你在的地方就是最快乐的地方!
这个你明白吗?
"母亲只是向她投去一个充满深情和良好祝愿的眼色，看了她一眼，拍了一下她的后背。"得了，宝芭，"她心平气和地添一句。"你也知道我多么疼你。"从母亲的口吻里有一种意味深长的东西，让罗伯达回想起多年来母女俩之间的情深意笃和充分理解……这种充分理解，不仅仅建立在彼此都能得到幸福的共同愿望之上，而且还表现在彼此之间历来推心置腹，开诚相见之上，因而使她感动得几乎掉下泪来。她的嗓子眼发紧，眼睛也湿润了，尽管她竭力抑制自己感情不要太激动。她真的巴不得把所有一切都向母亲倾诉。无奈她至今依然不得不屈从于克莱德，并且事实上她已做出了有损自己声名之事，她清楚地看到，正是她自己竖起了一道屏障，不是轻轻地一推就能推倒的。此间乡下的传统观念，实在根深蒂固……即便是对她母亲来说，也不例外。
她迟疑了一会儿，本想把自己心中的积愫索性向母亲一吐为快……即使得不到帮助，至少也可博得她的同情，可是到头来她只能这么说:
"哦，我多么希望你跟我一块长住莱柯格斯，妈妈。也许……"她突然为之语塞，心里明白:
自己稍不谨慎，差点儿说漏了嘴。其实，她心里意思是说:
倘若有母亲守在她身旁，也许她就能挡住克莱德胡搅蛮缠的要求吧。
"是啊，我想，你也一定很惦念我，"母亲接下去说。"不过，你还是住在城里好，你说对不对?
我们在这里的生活光景，你是知道的，而且你也很喜欢在那里工作。你对自己工作很喜欢，我可没有说错吧?
""啊，这工作挺不错。我可喜欢。我很高兴，自己好歹给家里帮一点儿忙，不过孤零零一个人过活，真没意思。""那你为什么要从牛顿家搬出去呢，宝芭?
难道说格雷斯这人真的是那么讨厌吗?
我还以为她总可以跟你作伴呢?
""哦，一开头她还不错，"罗伯达回答说。"只是因为她自己连一个男朋友也都没有，所以，要是有人对我稍微献上一点儿殷勤，她心里就觉得怪酸溜溜的。
我简直是哪儿也去不了，因为她总得跟着我一块去;要不然，她就老是要我跟她在一块，因此，我一个人哪儿也都去不了。你也明白，妈妈，两个姑娘总不能跟一个年轻小伙子溜达去吧。""是啊。这个我也明白，宝芭，"母亲噗嗤一笑，找补着说，"那他是谁呀?
""是格里菲思先生，妈妈，"她迟疑了一下才补充说。仿佛一道突如其来的闪光，在她眼前一晃而过，使她深切地感受到:
她所结识的新知今雨，若与这里平淡无奇的乡村相比，该有多么不同凡俗。尽管她心中怀着种种恐惧，可是，她的生活有可能和克莱德的生活连在一起，哪怕是仅仅有一点可能性，也是令人惊羡不止。"不过，我希望你先别跟任何人提起他的名字，"她找补着说。"他可不让我向人提他的名字。你知道，他的亲戚很有钱。这个公司就是他们开的……我说，就是他伯父开的。可是公司里专门有一条厂规，这就是说，不管是给公司办事的职员也好……还是各部门的负责人也好，我是说，都不许他们跟任何一个年轻女工来往。而他从来也不愿跟哪一个年轻女工接触。可是他偏偏喜欢我……而我也很喜欢他，这就算是另一回事了。再说，我正在打算马上就辞退，上别处另找活儿干，我想，这么一来厂规对我们没有约束作用了。到那时，我们就用不着隐瞒，我和他的关系可以向任何人公开了。"罗伯达心里马上想到，所有这一切，至少在目前，恐怕还说不上是千真万确的。因为最近克莱德对她的态度大变，而且，她委身给他时又是极不谨慎，并没有讲定将来通过结婚的方式，最后给她恢复名誉。也许他……一个模模糊糊，几乎没有形状的令人恐怖的形象……并不允许她现在告诉任何人，而且他永远也不允许她告诉任何人。除非他继续爱她，并且跟她结婚，也许她自己也不希望任何人知道这件事。所有这一切，使她陷入何等悲惨。可耻的窘境!
奥尔登太太无意中听到这么一种古怪。似乎有点暧昧的关系之后，心里不仅困扰不安，而且迷惑不解，因为她对罗伯达的幸福简直是昼夜操心啊。是的，她暗自揣摩，虽说罗伯达是这么一个善良。纯洁。谨慎的姑娘……在她子女里头就数罗伯达最出色。最聪明。最不自私……但是不是也会……?
不，大概未必有谁会那么轻易便当，或是稳稳当当地污辱，或是玩弄罗伯达。她是一个极端循规蹈矩。品德优良的姑娘啊。因此，奥尔登太太便找补着说:
"你说他是老板……也是你信里说的塞缪尔。格里菲思先生……的一个亲戚，是吧?
""是的，妈妈，他就是老板的侄子。""这个年轻人，就在厂里做事?
"她母亲问，暗自纳闷罗伯达怎么会迷住一个象克莱德这样有地位的人。因为她女儿一开头就明白无误地说，此人是厂里老板塞缪尔。格里菲思家里的一员啊。这本身就是麻烦。至于这类关系将来会有什么样的结果，走遍天下总是一个样。因此，她自然而然为罗伯达似乎正在进行的那种人际交往担惊受怕。不过话又说回来，她也还是觉得，象罗伯达这样容貌秀美。办事干练的姑娘，说不定能在不使自己受害的情况下继续保持这种人际交往。
"是的，"罗伯达爽快地回答说。
"他是个什么样的人，宝芭?
""哦，实在是顶呱呱的。他长得可漂亮，对我一直很好。要不是有他这样一位高雅的人，我对那个地方也就不会感到那么满意了。他在厂里就是专管那些女工的。他是公司经理的侄子，你知道吧，所以，女工们自然就得对他毕恭毕敬。""哦，那就敢情好。我觉得在高雅的人手下做事，甚至比在某些老板手下做事还要好得多。你对特里佩茨米尔斯那边的工作不满意，这我也知道。他常来看你吗，宝芭?
""哦，是啊，他常来，"罗伯达回答说，不觉有些脸红。因为她感到没法向母亲和盘托出。
这时，奥尔登太太抬眼一看，发觉女儿脸红，还误以为她是难为情呢，就干脆逗着玩儿问她:
"看来你很喜欢他，是吧?
""是的，我很喜欢他，妈妈，"罗伯达爽爽气气地如实回答说。
"那他怎么样呢?
他也很喜欢你吗?
"罗伯达走到了厨房窗口。窗下是斜坡底下一片平地，可以通到井台边的小屋(此处指筑在泉水。小溪或井台边的小屋，便于冷藏肉类。乳品等。)，以及整个农场上产物最丰盛的地块。那里有不少东倒西塌的房子，比周围任何景物更能说明奥尔登一家经济窘迫的境况。事实上，最近十年以来，这些破烂不堪的房子，早已成为经营不善和穷困潦倒的象征了。这时，通过它们展现出来的积雪压顶。满目荒凉的残景，在她心目中却跟她所渴望的一切完全相反。其实，这也用不着大惊小怪的。她心中所有的渴望，都是跟克莱德休戚相关。正如忧郁是同快乐相对立的……要末恋爱成功，要末就恋爱失败。假定说现在他真心爱她，把她从那儿带走，那末，她和她母亲也许就不会再在这里过凄楚的日子。
假定说他并不是这样真心爱她的话，那末，她所渴求的，也许就是要不得的梦想所产生的全部恶果，不仅落到她自己头上，还要落到亲人们的头上，首先是她母亲的头上。她心中十分困惑，真不知道该怎么说才好，但最后还是回答说:
"哦，他说他是很喜欢我的。""依你看，他真心实意想娶你吗?
"奥尔登太太怯生生，但又满怀希望地问她。
因为在所有的子女里头，她就是最心疼罗伯达，所以，她对罗伯达也就特别寄予厚望。
"得了吧，我会告诉你的，妈妈……"话音未落，这时，艾米莉从大门口急冲冲进来，大声喊道:
"啊，吉福来了。他是坐汽车来的，我看他是搭了别人的车。
他还带了四五个大包呢。"紧接着汤姆和他哥哥走了进来。哥哥穿了一件新大衣……这是他到了谢内克塔迪通用电气公司做事后取得的头一个成果。他怪亲热地先是向母亲，接着再向罗伯达招呼。
"哦，吉福德，"他母亲大声说，"我们原以为你九点钟才到。怎么会到得这么早?
""哦，我可也没有想到呗。我在谢内克塔迪碰巧见到了里立克先生，他说要不要跟他同车走。"他转过身去冲罗伯达说，"我看到了特里佩茨米尔斯的老波普。
迈尔斯，他到头来给自己房子盖上二层楼啦，宝芭。不过，盖上屋顶，依我看，他还得在一年之后呢。""我想也差不离，"罗伯达回答说。她对这位特里佩茨米尔斯的老友很熟。与此同时，她从哥哥手里把大衣和大包接过来，堆在吃饭间桌子上，这时就被好奇的艾米莉两眼盯住了。
"不许动手，艾姆(艾姆……艾米莉的昵称。我希望你会知道自己该怎么办。
现在你早已不是小伢儿，应该也懂得自己关心自己，宝芭，可不是?
")!
"吉福德对他妹妹说。"圣诞节早上以前，怎么也不许动一动。圣诞树谁准备了没有?
这在去年就是我干的活儿。""今年还得你干，吉福德，"他母亲回答说。"我关照汤姆等你回来再说，因为你包管寻摸到漂亮的圣诞树。"这时，泰特斯扛着一棵树，走进了厨房。他那瘦削的脸。纤细的肘和膝，跟富有朝气的年轻的下一代恰好形成鲜明的对照。他伫立在儿子跟前微笑的时候，罗伯达就发觉了这一点。因为她心里恨不得大家生活得比过去更好，便走了过去，用双手搂住了爸爸。"我知道，圣诞老人带来的东西准叫爸爸喜欢。"那是一件深红色方格子厚呢大衣，她相信爸爸穿了它，即使到户外干活，也会觉得身子挺暖和。她巴不得圣诞节早晨快点到来，好让爸爸亲眼看到这件呢大衣。
随后，她去寻摸了一条围裙，想帮着母亲做晚饭。母女俩一直没得空去谈谈私房话，也没有机会再谈谈她们俩都感兴趣的……也就是有关克莱德的事。
只是过了好几个钟头以后，她方才抓住时机说:
"是的，不过你还是不要对任何人讲。我跟他说过，我自己决不对别人讲，所以你也决不要对别人讲。
""哦，我决不会讲的，亲爱的。虽然依我看，这事有点儿奇怪，可是"是的，我懂得，妈。不过，你千万不要为我担心，亲爱的，"她找补着说。这时，她发觉她亲爱的妈妈脸上掠过一层阴影……不是不信任的阴影，而是忧心忡忡的阴影。母亲为了农场上的事已经竭精殚虑了，必须特别小心，千万别让母亲再揪心呀。
星期天早上，妹妹艾格尼斯偕同丈夫加贝尔来到了家里，谈不完的是他们在霍默的生活，以及他们在经济上和社会地位上有所发迹的消息。尽管妹妹长得不及她那么漂亮，弗雷德。加贝尔也不是当时罗伯达会对他感兴趣的人，不过，在她脑际越想到克莱德就越是烦恼之后，此刻又亲眼见到艾格尼斯结婚以后，哪怕是这么一位中庸之辈的丈夫，也能给她安排一个安全无虞的小天地，让她在思想感情上。物质生活上都感到心满意足。轻松愉快……这一切足以使罗伯达从昨天早晨起便折磨着自己的那种疑惧不安的心情，一下子又强烈起来。
她心里想，嫁给哪怕是象弗雷德。加贝尔那样既不能干又不漂亮，可是老实可靠的男子，也许比现在她因为自己跟克莱德的关系而处于名不正。言不顺的境地要好一些，可不是吗?
你听，加贝尔正在眉飞色舞地大讲特讲结婚一年以来他本人和艾格尼斯日益美满的生活。现在他已辞去了在霍默的教职，跟人合股开了一家小型图书文具店，生意一直很好，但是收益主要来自玩具部和汽水柜。
要是一切顺顺当当的话，到明年夏天，艾格尼斯就可以给客厅添置一套家具了。
弗雷德已给她买了一台留声机，作为圣诞节的礼物。为了证明他们生活美满幸福，他们还给奥尔登家里每一个人都送了一些让人相当满意的礼物。
加贝尔随身还带来了一份莱柯格斯的《星报》。因为今天早上来了客人，所以早餐就开得特别迟。他便在进早餐时看看有关该市新闻消息。因为莱柯格斯有一家批发店，他还是股东呢。
"依我看，贵城闹得正红火呢，宝芭，"他对罗伯达说。"《星报》上说，格里菲思公司仅仅从布法罗一地就接到十二万件领子的定货。看来他们可要发大财啦。""我的那个部门活儿多得怎么也忙不过来，这我可清楚，"罗伯达兴冲冲地回答说。"我不知道公司生意是好还是坏，可我们好象两手从来没有闲着过。我想公司一年到头做的，都是好生意。""这些老板真惬意。他们什么也都不用操心。有人对我说，他们打算在伊利翁开一个新厂，专门制造衬衫。你在厂里听说没有?
""不，我没听说过呀。也许是另外一家厂商吧。""再说，你提过的那个年轻人，也就是你那个部门的负责人，他叫什么名字来着?
仿佛他也是格里菲思家族吧?
"他挺起劲地问，一面在翻报纸，两眼瞅着刊登有关莱柯格斯上流社会交际新闻这个版面。
"是的，他叫格里菲思……克莱德。格里菲思。怎么啦?
""我觉得他的这个名字好象刚才还看到过呢。我就是想知道是不是这个人。
肯定是的，不信，你看。不就是这一个吗?
"他把报纸递给罗伯达，一只手还指着那一段新闻，全文如下:
来自格洛弗斯维尔的范达。斯蒂尔小姐，星期五晚在该市本府举行舞会，莅会者有莱柯格斯上流社会知名人士，包括桑德拉。芬奇利小姐。伯蒂娜。克兰斯顿小姐。杰尔。特朗布尔小姐。格特鲁德。特朗布尔小姐。珀利。海恩斯小姐，以及克莱德。格里菲思先生。弗兰克。哈里特先生。特雷西。特朗布尔先生。格兰特。克兰斯顿先生。斯科特。尼科尔森先生。此次舞会如同时下年轻人聚会一样，照例至深夜始散。来自莱柯格斯的客人们拂晓前才乘坐汽车回去。据传此次舞会参加者，绝大多数准备除夕在谢内克塔迪的埃勒斯利府上，再次欢聚一堂。
"好象此人在那儿还相当出风头啊，"加贝尔在罗伯达还着报纸时插话说。
罗伯达读了这段新闻以后，首先想到的就是:
这次莅会人员跟克莱德过去所说到会的那些人似乎毫无关系。第一，报上根本没有提到麦拉。格里菲思或是贝拉。格里菲思。另一方面，近来克莱德常常提到，因而使她耳熟能详的那些名字，报上却说她们通通莅会了，她们就是:
桑德拉。芬奇利。伯蒂娜。克兰斯顿。特朗布尔姐妹。珀利。海恩斯。他还说过什么索然无味的话，可是报上却说是充满了欢乐的气氛，并且还说他将在除夕……其实，也就是那个夜晚，她原想跟他一起欢度的……与他们再次欢聚一堂。但是有关这次新年约会，他竟然对她只字不提。说不定他临了照例找个什么借口，如同上星期五晚上那样。
啊，老天哪!
这一切究竟是怎么回事呀!
原来她觉得回家过圣诞节，颇有一点儿罗曼蒂克的魅力，这时却一下子消失殆尽。她心中开始纳闷:
克莱德到底是不是象他嘴上所说的那样真的疼她。由于她对他怀着一片痴情，如今落到了这般悲惨的境地，不由得心痛如绞。因为要是得不到他，结不了婚，没有家庭和孩子，而且在她一向熟悉的当地社会上也没有一个体面的职位，那末，象她这么一个姑娘，活在世界上还有什么意思呢?
再说，即使他继续爱她……就算是他真的继续爱她吧，但遇到类似这样的事件，她又凭什么可以保证他最终不会把她抛弃呢?
要是真的这样，那末，等待她的就是:
她既不可能跟别人结婚，而又压根儿不能依赖他。
她一下子默不出声。虽然加贝尔问她:
"准是这个人，是吧?
"她也不回答，却站起身来说:
"对不起，失陪了。我要到旅行袋里寻摸东西去。"说完，她就急奔楼上她从前住的那个房间。一进房，她在床沿上坐了下来，双手托住下巴颏儿……每当她心事重重，或是不得不冥思苦索的时候，照例就有这么一种姿态……两眼凝视着地板。
此刻克莱德又在哪儿呢?
要是他从那些姑娘里头果真带了一位去参加斯蒂尔的舞会呢?
他是不是很喜爱她呢?
直至今日，正因为克莱德对她一贯忠诚不贰，所以，他有可能向别的姑娘献殷勤这等事，她压根儿还没有想过呢。
可是现在呢……现在呢!
她站起来，走到窗前，两眼望着窗外的果园。她还是个小姑娘时，不知有多少回在果园里对生命之美内心感到激动不已。可眼前这儿却是光秃秃的一片荒凉的景象。稀疏的。冰挂的树桠枝……灰沉沉的树桠枝在颤抖……一片孤零零的枯叶，正在发出沙沙声。还有那雪……还有急待修葺的那些破烂不堪的小棚屋。还有克莱德对她越来越冷漠了……她猛地想到:
她再也不能在这儿待下去了，应该尽快离开，如果可能的话，哪怕是今天也得走。她必须回莱柯格斯去，守在克莱德身边，即便只能起到唤起他往日对她的柔情蜜意的作用，要是这一点作用也起不到，那至少也可以因为在他身边转悠而防止他向别的姑娘们大献殷勤。象现在这样一走了之，哪怕是为了回来过圣诞节，显然不妥当。要是她不在，他可能把她完全抛掉，而索性去疼别的姑娘了。要是果真这样，那岂不是她咎由自取吗?
她心里马上开始考虑，不妨寻摸个借口，干脆今天就回莱柯格斯去。可是，她又想到，既然节日前做了那么多准备，现在到了节日前夕，她却执意要走了，这对全家人，首先是她母亲来说，就会觉得不近情理。因此，她便决定只好一直忍受到圣诞节下午，到那时候，正如她事前说定的，就回去，从今以后，她再也不那样长时间地离开克莱德了。
然而，她在这一段时间里，几乎绞尽脑汁在思考一个问题:
怎样(用什么方法)才能保证(如果说可以做到的话)克莱德继续疼她，支持她，并且将来跟她结婚。
万一他诓骗她，那她又该怎么劝说他(如果说可以做到的话)，往后不再诓骗?
怎样让他感到，在他们俩之间，诓骗是要不得的事?
怎样确保她在他心中所占的稳固地位，让别的女人的妖冶媚态使他坠入于其中的幻梦通通破灭?
怎样做到这一些呢?
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deprivations
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| 剥夺( deprivation的名词复数 )； 被夺去； 缺乏； 匮乏 | |
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repressions
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| n.压抑( repression的名词复数 )；约束；抑制；镇压 | |
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aged
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| adj.年老的，陈年的 | |
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decrepit
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| adj.衰老的，破旧的 | |
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farmhouse
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| n.农场住宅（尤指主要住房） | |
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winding
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| n.绕，缠，绕组，线圈 | |
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automobile
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| n.汽车，机动车 | |
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landmark
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| n.陆标，划时代的事，地界标 | |
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chronic
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| adj.(疾病)长期未愈的，慢性的；极坏的 | |
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inefficiency
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| n.无效率，无能；无效率事例 | |
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impaired
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| adj.受损的；出毛病的；有（身体或智力）缺陷的v.损害，削弱( impair的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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sagging
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| 下垂[沉，陷]，松垂，垂度 | |
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picturesque
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| adj.美丽如画的，（语言）生动的，绘声绘色的 | |
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jumble
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| vt.使混乱，混杂；n.混乱；杂乱的一堆 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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depressed
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| adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的 | |
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dubious
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| adj.怀疑的，无把握的；有问题的，靠不住的 | |
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aspirations
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| 强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 )； 志向； 发送气音； 发 h 音 | |
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mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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tightened
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| 收紧( tighten的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）变紧； （使）绷紧； 加紧 | |
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whatsoever
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| adv.（用于否定句中以加强语气）任何；pron.无论什么 | |
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ERECTED
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| adj. 直立的，竖立的，笔直的 vt. 使 ... 直立，建立 | |
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verge
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| n.边，边缘；v.接近，濒临 | |
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insistent
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| adj.迫切的，坚持的 | |
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lone
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| adj.孤寂的，单独的；唯一的 | |
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awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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rehabilitation
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| n.康复，悔过自新，修复，复兴，复职，复位 | |
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shameful
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| adj.可耻的，不道德的 | |
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casually
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| adv.漠不关心地，无动于衷地，不负责任地 | |
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clandestine
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| adj.秘密的，暗中从事的 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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embarrassment
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| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
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bespoke
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| adj.（产品）订做的；专做订货的v.预定( bespeak的过去式 )；订（货）；证明；预先请求 | |
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meager
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| adj.缺乏的，不足的，瘦的 | |
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bleak
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| adj.(天气)阴冷的；凄凉的；暗淡的 | |
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antithesis
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| n.对立；相对 | |
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aspired
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| v.渴望，追求( aspire的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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yearning
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| a.渴望的；向往的；怀念的 | |
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curiously
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| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
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apron
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| n.围裙；工作裙 | |
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assailing
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| v.攻击( assail的现在分词 )；困扰；质问；毅然应对 | |
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inefficient
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| adj.效率低的，无效的 | |
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steadfast
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| adj.固定的，不变的，不动摇的；忠实的；坚贞不移的 | |
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anomalous
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| adj.反常的；不规则的 | |
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stationery
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| n.文具；(配套的)信笺信封 | |
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soda
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| n.苏打水；汽水 | |
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parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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suite
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| n.一套(家具)；套房；随从人员 | |
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well-being
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| n.安康，安乐，幸福 | |
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wholesale
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| n.批发；adv.以批发方式；vt.批发，成批出售 | |
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buffalo
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| n.(北美)野牛；(亚洲)水牛 | |
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glamour
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| n.魔力，魅力；vt.迷住 | |
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orchard
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| n.果园，果园里的全部果树，(美俚)棒球场 | |
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miserably
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| adv.痛苦地；悲惨地；糟糕地；极度地 | |
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rustling
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| n. 瑟瑟声，沙沙声 adj. 发沙沙声的 | |
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inexplicably
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| adv.无法说明地，难以理解地，令人难以理解的是 | |
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58
unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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59
interim
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| adj.暂时的，临时的；n.间歇，过渡期间 | |
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engendered
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| v.产生（某形势或状况），造成，引起( engender的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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