Unfortunately, however, the Christmas dinner at the Griffiths', which included the Starks and their daughterArabella, Mr. and Mrs. Wynant, who in the absence of their daughter Constance with Gilbert were dining withthe Griffiths, the Arnolds, Anthonys, Harriets, Taylors and others of note in Lycurgus, so impressed and evenoverawed Clyde that although five o'clock came and then six, he was incapable1 of breaking away or thinkingclearly and compellingly of his obligation to Roberta. Even when, slightly before six, the greater portion of thosewho had been thus cheerfully entertained began rising and making their bows and departing (and when he, too,should have been doing the same and thinking of his appointment with Roberta), being accosted3 by Violet Taylor, who was part of the younger group, and who now began talking of some additional festivities to be heldthat same evening at the Anthonys', and who added most urgently, "You're coming with us, aren't you? Sure youare," he at once acquiesced4, although his earlier promise to Roberta forced the remembrance that she wasprobably already back and expecting him. But still he had time even now, didn't he?
Yet, once at the Anthonys', and talking and dancing with various girls, the obligation faded. But at nine he beganworrying a little. For by this time she must be in her room and wondering what had become of him and hispromise. And on Christmas night, too. And after she had been away three days.
Inwardly he grew more and more restless and troubled, the while outwardly he maintained that same high spiritthat characterized him throughout the afternoon. Fortunately for his own mood, this same group, having dancedand frolicked every night for the past week until almost nervously5 exhausted6, it now unanimously andunconsciously yielded to weariness and at eleven thirty, broke up. And after having escorted Bella Griffiths toher door, Clyde hurried around to Elm Street to see if by any chance Roberta was still awake.
As he neared the Gilpins' he perceived through the snow-covered bushes and trees the glow of her single lamp.
And for the time being, troubled as to what he should say--how excuse himself for this inexplicable7 lapse--hepaused near one of the large trees that bordered the street, debating with himself as to just what he would say.
Would he insist that he had again been to the Griffiths', or where? For according to his previous story he hadonly been there the Friday before. In the months before when he had no social contacts, but was merelyromanticizing in regard to them, the untruths he found himself telling her caused him no twinges of any kind.
They were not real and took up no actual portion of his time, nor did they interfere8 with any of his desiredcontacts with her. But now in the face of the actuality and the fact that these new contacts meant everything tohis future, as he saw it, he hesitated. His quick conclusion was to explain his absence this evening by a secondinvitation which had come later, also by asseverating9 that the Griffiths being potentially in charge of his materialwelfare, it was becoming more and more of a duty rather than an idle, evasive pleasure to desert her in this wayat their command. Could he help it? And with this half-truth permanently10 fixed11 in his mind, he crossed the snowand gently tapped at her window.
At once the light was extinguished and a moment later the curtain lifted. Then Roberta, who had beenmournfully brooding, opened the door and admitted him, having previously12 lit a candle as was her custom inorder to avoid detection as much as possible, and at once he began in a whisper:
"Gee, but this society business here is getting to be the dizzy thing, honey. I never saw such a town as this. Onceyou go with these people one place to do one thing, they always have something else they want you to do.
They're on the go all the time. When I went there Friday (he was referring to his lie about having gone to theGriffiths'), I thought that would be the last until after the holidays, but yesterday, and just when I was planning togo somewhere else, I got a note saying they expected me to come there again to-day for dinner sure.""And to-day when I thought the dinner would begin at two," he continued to explain, "and end in time for me tobe around here by eight like I said, it didn't start until three and only broke up a few minutes ago. Isn't that thelimit? And I just couldn't get away for the last four hours. How've you been, honey? Did you have a good time? Ihope so. Did they like the present I gave you?"He rattled13 off these questions, to which she made brief and decidedly terse14 replies, all the time looking at him asmuch as to say, "Oh, Clyde, how can you treat me like this?"But Clyde was so much interested in his own alibi15, and how to convince Roberta of the truth of it, that neitherbefore nor after slipping off his coat, muffler and gloves and smoothing back his hair, did he look at her directly,or even tenderly, or indeed do anything to demonstrate to her that he was truly delighted to see her again. On thecontrary, he was so fidgety and in part flustered16 that despite his past professions and actions she could feel thatapart from being moderately glad to see her again he was more concerned about himself and his own partiallyexplained defection than he was about her. And although after a few moments he took her in his arms andpressed his lips to hers, still, as on Saturday, she could feel that he was only partially17 united to her in spirit. Otherthings--the affairs that had kept him from her on Friday and to-night--were disturbing his thoughts and hers.
She looked at him, not exactly believing and yet not entirely18 wishing to disbelieve him. He might have been atthe Griffiths', as he said, and they might have detained him. And yet he might not have, either. For she could nothelp recalling that on the previous Saturday he had said he had been there Friday and the paper on the other handhad stated that he was in Gloversville. But if she questioned him in regard to these things now, would he not getangry and lie to her still more? For after all she could not help thinking that apart from his love for her she hadno real claim on him. But she could not possibly imagine that he could change so quickly.
"So that was why you didn't come to-night, was it?" she asked, with more spirit and irritation19 than she had everused with him before. "I thought you told me sure you wouldn't let anything interfere," she went on, a littleheavily.
"Well, so I did," he admitted. "And I wouldn't have either, except for the letter I got. You know I wouldn't let anyone but my uncle interfere, but I couldn't turn them down when they asked me to come there on Christmas Day.
It's too important. It wouldn't look right, would it, especially when you weren't going to be here in theafternoon?"The manner and tone in which he said this conveyed to Roberta more clearly than anything that he had ever saidbefore how significant he considered this connection with his relatives to be and how unimportant anything shemight value in regard to this relationship was to him. It came to her now that in spite of all his enthusiasm anddemonstrativeness in the first stages of this affair, possibly she was much more trivial in his estimation than shehad seemed to herself. And that meant that her dreams and sacrifices thus far had been in vain. She becamefrightened.
"Well, anyhow," she went on dubiously20 in the face of this, "don't you think you might have left a note here,Clyde, so I would have got it when I got in?" She asked this mildly, not wishing to irritate him too much.
"But didn't I just tell you, honey, I didn't expect to be so late. I thought the thing would all be over by six,anyhow.""Yes--well--anyhow--I know--but still--"Her face wore a puzzled, troubled, nervous look, in which was mingled21 fear, sorrow, depression, distrust, a trace of resentment22 and a trace of despair, all of which, coloring and animating23 her eyes, which were now fixed on himin round orblike solemnity, caused him to suffer from a sense of having misused24 and demeaned her not a little.
And because her eyes seemed to advertise this, he flushed a dark red flush that colored deeply his naturally verypale cheeks. But without appearing to notice this or lay any stress on it in any way at the time, Roberta addedafter a moment: "I notice that The Star mentioned that Gloversville party Sunday, but it didn't say anything aboutyour cousins being over there. Were they?"For the first time in all her questioning of him, she asked this as though she might possibly doubt him--adevelopment which Clyde had scarcely anticipated in connection with her up to this time, and more thananything else, it troubled and irritated him.
"Of course they were," he replied falsely. "Why do you want to ask a thing like that when I told you they were?""Well, dear, I don't mean anything by it. I only wanted to know. But I did notice that it mentioned all those otherpeople from Lycurgus that you are always talking about, Sondra Finchley, Bertine Cranston. You know younever mentioned anybody but the Trumbulls."Her tone tended to make him bristle25 and grow cross, as she saw.
"Yes, I saw that, too, but it ain't so. If they were there, I didn't see them. The papers don't always get everythingright." In spite of a certain crossness and irritation at being trapped in this fashion, his manner did not carryconviction, and he knew it. And he began to resent the fact that she should question him so. Why should she?
Wasn't he of sufficient importance to move in this new world without her holding him back in this way?
Instead of denying or reproaching him further, she merely looked at him, her expression one of injuredwistfulness. She did not believe him now entirely and she did not utterly26 disbelieve him. A part of what he saidwas probably true. More important was it that he should care for her enough not to want to lie to her or to treather badly. But how was that to be effected if he did not want to be kind or truthful27? She moved back from him afew steps and with a gesture of helplessness said: "Oh, Clyde, you don't have to story to me. Don't you knowthat? I wouldn't care where you went if you would just tell me beforehand and not leave me like this all alone onChristmas night. It's just that that hurts so.""But I'm not storying to you, Bert," he reiterated28 crossly. "I can't help how things look even if the paper did sayso. The Griffiths were over there, and I can prove it. I got around here as soon as I could to-day. What do youwant to get so mad about all at once? I've told you how things are. I can't do just as I want to here. They call meup at the last minute and want me to go. And I just can't get out of it. What's the use of being so mad about it?"He stared defiantly29 while Roberta, checkmated in this general way, was at a loss as to how to proceed. The itemabout New Year's Eve was in her mind, but she felt that it might not be wise to say anything more now. Morepoignantly than ever now she was identifying him with that gay life of which he, but not she, was a part. And yetshe hesitated even now to let him know how sharp were the twinges of jealousy31 that were beginning to assail32 her.
They had such a good time in that fine world--he and those he knew--and she had so little. And besides, now hewas always talking about that Sondra Finchley and that Bertine Cranston, or the papers were. Was it in either of those that he was most interested?
"Do you like that Miss Finchley very much?" she suddenly asked, looking up at him in the shadow, her desire toobtain some slight satisfaction--some little light on all this trouble--still torturing her.
At once Clyde sensed the importance of the question--a suggestion of partially suppressed interest and jealousyand helplessness, more in her voice even than in the way she looked. There was something so soft, coaxing33 andsad about her voice at times, especially when she was most depressed34. At the same time he was slightly takenback by the shrewd or telepathic way in which she appeared to fix on Sondra. Immediately he felt that she shouldnot know--that it would irritate her. At the same time, vanity in regard to his general position here, which hourlywas becoming more secure apparently35, caused him to say:
"Oh, I like her some, sure. She's very pretty, and a dandy dancer. And she has lots of money and dresses well."He was about to add that outside of that Sondra appealed to him in no other way, when Roberta, sensingsomething of the true interest he felt in this girl perhaps and the wide gulf36 that lay between herself and all hisworld, suddenly exclaimed: "Yes, and who wouldn't, with all the money she has? If I had as much money as that,I could too."And to his astonishment37 and dismay even, at this point her voice grew suddenly vibrant38 and then broke, as on asob. And as he could both see and feel, she was deeply hurt--terribly and painfully hurt--heartsore and jealous;and at once, although his first impulse was to grow angry and defiant30 again, his mood as suddenly softened39. Forit now pained him not a little to think that some one of whom he had once been so continuously fond up to thistime should be made to suffer through jealousy of him, for he himself well knew the pangs40 of jealousy inconnection with Hortense. He could for some reason almost see himself in Roberta's place. And for this reason, ifno other, he now said, and quite softly: "Oh, now, Bert, as though I couldn't tell you about her or any one elsewithout your getting mad about it! I didn't mean that I was especially interested in her. I was just telling you whatI thought you wanted to know because you asked me if I liked her, that's all.""Oh, yes, I know," replied Roberta, standing41 tensely and nervously before him, her face white, her handssuddenly clenched42, and looking up at him dubiously and yet pleadingly. "But they've got everything. You knowthey have. And I haven't got anything, really. And it's so hard for me to keep up my end and against all of them,too, and with all they have." Her voice shook, and she ceased talking, her eyes filling and her lips beginning toquiver. And as swiftly she concealed43 her face with her hands and turned away, her shoulders shaking as she didso. Indeed her body was now torn for the moment by the most desperate and convulsive sobs44, so much so thatClyde, perplexed45 and astonished and deeply moved by this sudden display of a pent-up and powerful emotion, assuddenly was himself moved deeply. For obviously this was no trick or histrionic bit intended to influence him,but rather a sudden and overwhelming vision of herself, as he himself could sense, as a rather lorn and isolatedgirl without friends or prospects46 as opposed to those others in whom he was now so interested and who had somuch more--everything in fact. For behind her in her vision lay all the lorn and detached years that had marredher youth, now so vivid because of her recent visit. She was really intensely moved--overwhelmingly andhelplessly.
And now from the very bottom of her heart she exclaimed: "If I'd ever had a chance like some girls--if I'd everbeen anywhere or seen anything! But just to be brought up in the country and without any money or clothes or anything--and nobody to show you. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!"The moment she said these things she was actually ashamed of having made so weak and self-condemnatory aconfession, since that was what really was troubling him in connection with her, no doubt.
"Oh, Roberta, darling," he said instantly and tenderly, putting his arms around her, genuinely moved by his owndereliction. "You mustn't cry like that, dearest. You mustn't. I didn't mean to hurt you, honest I didn't. Truly, Ididn't, dear. I know you've had a hard time, honey. I know how you feel, and how you've been up against thingsin one way and another. Sure I do, Bert, and you mustn't cry, dearest. I love you just the same. Truly I do, and Ialways will. I'm sorry if I've hurt you, honest I am. I couldn't help it to-night if I didn't come, honest, or lastFriday either. Why, it just wasn't possible. But I won't be so mean like that any more, if I can help it. Honest Iwon't. You're the sweetest, dearest girl. And you've got such lovely hair and eyes, and such a pretty little figure.
Honest you have, Bert. And you can dance too, as pretty as anybody. And you look just as nice, honest you do,dear. Won't you stop now, honey? Please do. I'm so sorry, honey, if I've hurt you in any way."There was about Clyde at times a certain strain of tenderness, evoked47 by experiences, disappointments, andhardships in his own life, which came out to one and another, almost any other, under such circumstances asthese. At such times he had a soft and melting voice. His manner was as tender and gentle almost as that of amother with a baby. It drew a girl like Roberta intensely to him. At the same time, such emotion in him, thoughvivid, was of brief duration. It was like the rush and flutter of a summer storm--soon come and soon gone. Yet inthis instance it was sufficient to cause Roberta to feel that he fully2 understood and sympathized with her andperhaps liked her all the better for it. Things were not so had for the moment, anyhow. She had him and his loveand sympathy to a very marked degree at any rate, and because of this and her very great comfort in it, and hissoothing words, she began to dry her eyes, to say that she was sorry to think that she was such a cry-baby andthat she hoped he would forgive her, because in crying she had wet the bosom48 of his spotless white shirt with hertears. And she would not do it any more if Clyde would just forgive her this once--the while, touched by apassion he scarcely believed was buried in her in any such volume, he now continued to kiss her hands, cheeks,and finally her lips.
And between these pettings and coaxings and kissings it was that he reaffirmed to her, most foolishly and falselyin this instance (since he was really caring for Sondra in a way which, while different, was just as vital--perhapseven more so), that he regarded her as first, last and most in his heart, always--a statement which caused her tofeel that perhaps after all she might have misjudged him. Also that her position, if anything, was more secure, ifnot more wonderful than ever it had been before--far superior to that of these other girls who might see himsocially perhaps, but who did not have him to love them in this wonderful way.
偏巧圣诞节应格里菲思夫妇邀请赴宴的宾客里头，包括斯塔克夫妇和他们的女儿阿拉贝拉。威南特夫妇(因为他们的女儿康斯坦斯跟吉尔伯特一起去尤蒂卡，所以他们便来格里菲思府上赴宴了)。阿诺德夫妇。安东尼夫妇。哈里特夫妇。泰勒夫妇，以及莱柯格斯其他知名人物，给克莱德留下了非常强烈。甚至无限惊愕的印象。因此，尽管到了五点钟也好，六点钟也好，他还是脱身不了，也没有迫使自己清醒地想到他与罗伯达幽会的诺言。甚至快到六点钟时，客人们绝大部分早已尽兴，开始纷纷离座，向主人鞠躬告别了(这时，本来他也应该同样行告别礼，同时想到自己跟罗伯达还有约会)，但偏偏在这时候，年轻客人里头的维奥莱特。泰勒走过来跟他搭讪。泰勒告诉他今儿晚上安东尼家还有一些联欢活动，竭力撺掇他说:
"您跟我们一块去吧?
当然罗，您一定会去。"他马上就默许了，尽管事前他给过罗伯达的诺言使他不能不想到，此时此刻她也许早已回来，正在引颈企盼着他哩。不过，他想也许还来得及，不是有的是时间吗?
殊不知一到了安东尼家，跟姑娘们聊聊天，跳跳舞，同罗伯达约会一事，就渐渐淡忘了。到了九点钟，他心中开始有点惴惴不安。因为这时她想必已在自己房间里，暗自纳闷，真不知道他本人和他的许诺会不会出了什么事。而这又是在圣诞节夜晚，何况与她离别已有三天了。
尽管他在内心深处越发困惑不安，但从他外表来看，依然如同他午后那样兴高采烈。幸亏这一帮子人在上个星期每个夜晚必到舞厅，寻欢作乐，早就精力不逮了，所以今晚他们不知不觉都感到困乏不堪，难以为继，便在十一点半纷纷离去。克莱德把贝拉。格里菲思一送到她府上大门口，就急奔埃尔姆街，但愿这时罗伯达最好还没有入睡。
他一走近吉尔平家，就从枝柯稀朗。又有挂雪的矮树丛的缝隙里，看见了她房间里那盏孤灯的亮光。他心里一阵不安刚过去，就马上暗自琢磨:
他应该对她说些什么话才好……他该如何给自己这次怎么也说不清的过失进行辩解……他停在路旁一棵大树边，心中再三斟酌自己究竟应该对她说些什么话才好。他反躬自问:
要不要一口说定，这次他又去格里菲思家，或是去别处了?
因为，照他前次所说，上星期五他曾经去过那里。好几个月前，他压根儿还没有涉足上流社会，对此充其量也只不过是想入非非罢了。那时，他向罗伯达胡扯一通，自己一点儿也不觉得有什么内疚的。他编出来的那一套，反正不是真的，实际上既没有占去他的时间，也没有影响他们两厢情愿的交往。可是如今已经变成现实，而且认为新近自己在上流社会的交往对个人前途至关重要，所以心中反而犹豫不决了。但很快他就决定，不如说他之所以没有来，是因为后来收到伯父家的第二次请柬，同时还要让罗伯达相信:
既然格里菲思家主宰着他的一生幸福，因此，只要他们多咱叫他去，他就得去……对他来说，这是责无旁贷，而决不是他一味玩乐，存心回避她。除此以外，他还有什么别的办法?
等这一套似是而非的理由在他心里想定后，他便踩着积雪，走过去轻轻地叩她的窗。
灯一下子熄了，随后窗帘也卷了下来。不一会儿，忧心忡忡的罗伯达开了门，让他进来。事前她照例点燃了一支蜡烛，免得灯光太亮，被人发觉。克莱德马上低声耳语道:
"唉，亲爱的，这里的交际应酬，简直弄得我晕头转向。象这样的城市，我可一辈子都没见过。只要你跟这些人一块上某处赴会去，他们回头总会千方百计地邀请你也到他们舍间便宴去。他们一天到晚宴会啊，舞会啊，总是没有个完!
星期五我去的时候(他在这里提到的，就是他前次撒谎说自己上格里菲思家去了)，我原以为这是节日结束前最末一次应酬了，哪知道昨天，正当我动身去别处的时候，我却收到了一张便条，说伯父他们巴望我今天务必再去那儿吃饭。
""今天呢，本来我以为两点钟总可以开饭，"他接下来就自我辩解说。"一结束，我还来得及，正象我所说的八点钟，准到这儿来，可是实际上，三点钟才开始，一直拖到现在才散席。这不是叫人太难办吗?
这四个钟头里，我委实脱身不了。哦，你好吧，亲爱的?
你过得很痛快吧?
但愿如此。我送的东西，你的父母喜欢吗?
"他絮絮叨叨地说了一连串问题，她只好简短扼要地作了回答，但是自始至终两眼直瞅着他，仿佛在说:
"哦，克莱德啊，你好意思这样对待我呀?
"而克莱德呢，只是一心注意自己胡编的那一套辩解，以及怎样让罗伯达信以为真，因此，在他脱下外套。围巾。手套，再捋了一下头发前后，他都没敢正面地，甚至温存地看她一眼，的确也没有对她做出任何动作，表示自己跟她聚首重逢，真有说不出的高兴。相反，这时他特别显得心神不安，而且还有点儿窘态。因此，尽管刚才他所作那一套辩白和举动，可她却一眼就看出:
除了跟她再次见面略感高兴以外，他最关心的还是他自己，以及他刚才解释为何失约一事，而根本不是关心她。虽然不一会儿，他搂住了她，亲吻她，可她还是象星期六那样觉得他思想感情上跟她只是半心半意罢了。此外还有一些事……就是星期五和今天晚上不让他前来跟她相会的那些事……这时都使他和她心乱如麻。
她两眼直望着他，虽不是真正相信他，但也不是压根儿不愿相信他。说不定正如他所说的，他确实在格里菲思府上，也可能是他们把他拖住不放。可是也有可能他压根儿就没有去。因为，她不禁想到:
上星期六，他对她说星期五在格里菲思他们家吃饭，而与此同时，报上却偏偏说他是在格洛弗斯维尔。不过，现在问他这些事，也许他就会火冒三丈，或是再次向她撒谎……这时，她不禁暗自思忖，说真的，她毕竟也没有权利向他提出任何要求，除了要求他爱她以外。可是，他的感情一下子变得这么快，倒是她始料所不及的。
"这就说明了你今儿晚上为什么没有来的原因，可不是吗?
"她反问时充满激愤的语气，是过去她跟他说话时从来也没有过的。"我好象记得，那时你跟我说过，你决不让任何事情干预……"接着，她心情有些沉重地说。
"哦，我说是说过的，"他一口承认说。"要不是来了那封信，我也决不会那么办。你也知道，除了我伯父以外，我决不会让任何人来干预的，可是，如果伯父他们叫我在圣诞节那天去，那我就没法谢绝呀。这可是太重要的了。看来也不应该谢绝，可不是吗，特别是今天下午你还没有回到这里呢?
"他说话时那种态度和语调，跟他过去所说的相比，让罗伯达更加清晰地认识到:
他把自己显贵的亲戚关系看得何等重要;对他们俩之间的关系，尽管她觉得无比珍贵，可是他却看得多么微不足道。这时她悟出了一个道理:
不管一开始谈恋爱时他表现得那么易动感情，那么炽烈似火，但在他的心目中，恐怕她比她自己的估价还要低得多。这就是说，她过去的种种梦想。种种牺牲，都是枉然徒劳了。想到这里，她心中也就不寒而栗了。
"哦，反正不管怎么说吧，"她疑惧不安地继续说。"难道你就没想到自己不妨留个条子在这儿，克莱德，让我一进来便看到?
"她质问他时口气温和，不想让他恼羞成怒。
"可我刚才不是早告诉你了，亲爱的，我没有想到会滞留在那里这么晚。原以为六点钟无论如何就散席了。""是啊……得了……反正……我明白……可是还……"她脸上露出迷惑不解。困扰不安的神色，可又搀杂着惧怕。悲哀。沮丧。
怀疑，以及一点儿反感和绝望，一古脑儿都在她眼里映现出来。这时，她的那双圆圆的大眼睛严肃地直盯住他，不由得使他痛苦地感到:
是他虐待了她，污损了她的品格。她的眼睛仿佛也指出了这一点，他顿时只觉得脸上发烧，平时很苍白的两颊上呈现红一块。紫一块的。可是罗伯达偏偏佯装没看见，也不想马上给他点明了。所以，过了一会儿，她才找补着说:
"我看过《星报》，上面提到星期天格洛弗斯维尔的晚会，不过并没有提到你的堂妹也都在那里。那她们到底去了没有?
"虽然她不断在质问他，但这还是她头一次带着怀疑的口吻，好象她也许不太信任他……这一点，克莱德是始料所不及，因而特别使他困惑。恼火。
"当然罗，她们也去了，"他又说了假话。"我早就对你说她们也去了，你干吗还要问这个呀?
""哦，亲爱的，我可没有什么别的意思呗。我只是想知道罢了。不过我看见报上提到了你常常讲起过的莱柯格斯另一拨人:
桑德拉。芬奇利。伯蒂娜。克兰斯顿等等。你总记得吧，你只跟我说过特朗布尔姐妹，此外你哪一位都没提过呢。"她顿时发现，她刚才说话的语气，好象就要惹他发火了。
"是的，这我也看过了，不过与事实有出入。要是说她们也在那里的话，但我并没有看见她们啊。报纸上刊登的事，不见得件件都正确嘛。"尽管他因为被她揭了底，不免有点儿恼羞成怒，但他的举止神态并不令人信服，这一点就是他自己也明白。那时他最反感的，是她竟敢这样质问起他来了。她为什么要这样质问他?
难道说他自己已经很有身价，可以随心所欲在这个新天地里周旋，但事事还得受到她牵制吗?
罗伯达并没有进一步反驳他或是责备他，只是两眼直瞅着他，脸上露出受委屈后沉思默想的神色。现在，她既不是完全信任他，也不是完全不信任他。
他说的话，也许部分是真实的。最要紧的是:
他应该疼她，既不诓骗她，也不亏待她。不过，要是他对她不怀好意，表现不忠实，那又怎么办呢?
她往后退了好几步，露出无可奈何的神态对他说:
"哦，克莱德，你完全用不着给我胡编一通啦。
难道说你还不明白吗?
你上哪儿去，本来我也无所谓，只要你事前跟我说一声，别撇下我一个人过圣诞夜，怪孤零零的。正是这一点，才让人最伤心。
""可我并没有胡编一通呀，伯特，"他怒咻咻地顶嘴说。"即使报上是这么说的，报道失实了，现在叫我也没有办法啊。格里菲思姐妹俩确实去过那里，我个人就可以佐证嘛。今天，我一脱身就尽快赶到这儿。你干吗一下子就生这么大的气?
事情的来龙去脉，我早已跟你说过了。我在这里真是身不由己呀。你要知道，正是伯父他们临时通知我，关照我非去不可。而后来，我实在也没法脱身啊。生这么大的气，有什么用呢?
"他两眼露出挑战的神色直盯着她。罗伯达一下子大败亏输以后，真不知道下面该怎么周旋下去。她心里记得报上说的有关除夕晚会一事，但又觉得现在再提它，也许很不合适。这时，她比过去任何时候都更痛心地认识到:
他是经常沉溺于那种寻欢作乐的生活之中，而这种生活仅仅与他有缘，对她却是可望而不可及。但即使在这时，她还是有点儿犹豫，不想让他知道自己正被妒忌心折磨得多么剧痛。他们……不论克莱德也好，还是他相识的熟人也好……在那个美好的世界里，个个都是多么快乐，而她，罗伯达，却是这么少……。再说，现在他嘴上老是说到桑德拉。芬奇利。伯蒂挪。克兰斯顿，报上也是常常提到她们。也许他会不会爱上了她们里头的哪一个呢?
"你非常喜欢芬奇利小姐吗?
"她突然问他，在昏暗的烛光里抬眼直瞅着他。
她很想知道一些真相……能对她眼前种种苦恼的原因多少有点了解……她的这个念头至今还在折磨着她。
克莱德一下子感到这个问题的严重性……她流露出一点儿被抑制住的急于了解的欲望。嫉妒和无可奈何的神情，这在她说话的声调里要比在她的神态里似乎更加明显。她说话的声音有时很温柔。很诱人。很忧郁，特别是在她心情沮丧的时候。与此同时，她好象一下子就盯住桑德拉不放，这使克莱德对她的这种洞察力(亦即心灵感应术)感到有点儿吃惊。他马上决定这件事断断乎不该让她知道……要不然就会惹她生气的。殊不知由于他在这里的社会地位显然日益稳定，他那种爱慕虚荣的心理，终于使他说出了这些话:
"哦，当然罗，我有点儿喜欢她。她非常美，跳起舞来也帅极了。而且，她还非常有钱，穿戴可阔气呀。"他本想再补充说，除了这些以外，桑德拉并没有给他留下什么的印象，这时罗伯达却觉察到:
他也许真的爱上这位姑娘，想到她自己跟他的上流社会之间有鸿沟，突然又大声嚷道:
"是啊，象她这样有这么多钱，谁还不会穿得阔气呢?
我要是有这么多的钱，我也会这样啊。"就在这个节骨眼上，她说话的声音突然开始颤抖，跟着变得沙哑起来，象在呜咽抽泣似的……这使他大吃一惊，甚至惊恐丧胆。他亲眼看到和感受到:
她伤心透了，痛苦极了……又痛心，又嫉妒。他一开头就想发火，再次露出挑战的神色，可他突然一下子心软下来。因为一想到迄今他一直那么心爱的姑娘，为了他饱尝嫉妒的痛苦，他自己也觉得很难过。他自己从霍丹斯一事也深知嫉妒的痛苦。出于某种原因，他简直设想自己好象处在罗伯达的地位，因此便非常温存地说:
"哦，得了吧，伯特，难道说好象我跟你一提到她或是随便哪个人，你就非得生气不可吗?
我可不是说，我对她特别感兴趣呗。刚才你问我喜欢不喜欢她，我便把自己认为你想要知道的事情通通告诉了你……就是这么一回事嘛。
""哦，是的，我知道，"罗伯达回答说，紧张不安地伫立在他跟前，她的脸色也一下子煞白了。她猛地紧攥着双手，抬起头来，疑惧而又恳求地望着他。"可是人家什么都有。你自己也知道人家什么都有。可我呢，说真的，什么都没有。
我要糊口过活已经够难的了，现在还要对付她们一伙人，何况她们本来就是什么都有啊。"她说话的声音颤抖了，她突然为之语塞，噙满泪水，嘴唇也开始翕动起来。她马上双手捂住自己的脸，掉过身去，这时连肩膀也在抽搐着。由于极端绝望而痉挛似的呻吟哭泣，她浑身上下都在抖索着。她那长时间受压抑的强烈的感情，骤然迸发出来。克莱德一见此状，便感到困惑。惊异。茫然若失，后来突然连他自己也深受感动了。因为，显然，这不是在耍弄花招，或是故意装腔作势，企图给他施加影响，而是突然透过惊人的幻像(这一点他能感觉得到)，罗伯达发现自己只不过是一个孤苦伶仃的姑娘，没有朋友，没有前途，根本比不上现在他非常喜欢的那些姑娘(她们事实上个个都是富足有余的)。而她的过去，是孤独。离愁的岁月，断送了她的青春;这一印象，由于她最近返回家乡，在她脑际依然栩栩如生。罗伯达痛心到了极点，而且孤苦无告，确实陷入绝望了。
她从心坎里发出了呐喊:
"要是我能象某些姑娘那样也有这么一个机会……要是我也到过什么地方，见过什么世面，该有多好啊!
可惜长在穷乡僻壤，既没有钱，也没有衣服，什么都没有……更没有人来点拨你呀。哦，哦，哦，哦!
"话音刚落，她马上觉得自己是那么软弱，把自己骂了一通，真丢脸。因为，毫无疑问，克莱德之所以对她表示不满，原因正在这里。
"哦，罗伯达，亲爱的，"他搂住了她，马上温柔地说，并且对自己的大大咧咧的态度真的很后悔。"你千万不要象那样哭，最最亲爱的。千万不要那样。我可不是存心叫你难过，亲爱的，千真万确不是的。说实话，真的不是，亲爱的。
我知道你这一阵子很难过，亲爱的。我知道你在心里怎么难过，也知道你是怎么顶过来的。当然罗，我知道，伯特，你千万不要哭，最最亲爱的。我还是照样爱你。真的，我爱你，而且我永远爱你。我要是委屈过你，我也非常痛心，真的是这样。今儿晚上我没有来，还有上星期五也没来，说实话，那是我身不由己啊。哦，真的，我是身不由己啊。可是从今以后，我再也不会这么言而无信了。说实话，今后我再也不会那样了。你是我最最心疼。最最亲爱的姑娘。
瞧你的头发。你的眼睛，是那么可爱，你那娇小玲珑的身段，又是那么动人。
真的，你确实是这样，伯特。你也会跳舞，一点儿不比别人差。你呀长得那么美，真的，你确实是这样，亲爱的。得了吧，亲爱的，现在你别哭，好吗?
千万别哭了。我要是在哪儿委屈了你，亲爱的，我也是非常痛心的呀。"正如几乎每一个人遇到类似上述情况会想到自己生活中所经历过的遭际。
挫折和苦难，从而产生怜悯心一样，有时，克莱德身上，说真的，也有一点儿柔情。每当这种时候，他说话的声音就很温柔，而且使人深受感动。他的举止谈吐，也温馨柔和，有如慈母爱抚小孩一般。这一下子就把罗伯达这样的姑娘给迷住了。与此同对，他的那股子激情，虽然来得非常强劲，但是一瞬间就消失得无影无踪了，有如夏日暴风雨，哪怕是翻江倒海，骤然而至，可是去时也象一溜烟。因此，这一回也足以使罗伯达感到:
他是完全了解她。同情她的，因此今后也许他就会更爱她。反正眼前事态并不是那么坏。不管怎么说，克莱德是属于她的，还有他的爱。他的同情，也都是属于她的。因为一想到这里，她感到无限安慰，再加上他劝慰她的那些话，她便开始擦去眼泪，埋怨说自己刚才好象是个爱哭的小娃娃，此外还希望他原谅她，因为她的眼泪弄湿了他那洁净的白衬衫的衣襟。她还说这一回只要克莱德原谅了她，从今以后她决不会再那样了……他真的没有想到她内心深处竟然会有这么一股激情，禁不住非常感动，于是，他就不断地亲她的手，亲她的脸，最后亲她的嘴。
他就这样一面爱抚她，哄逗她，亲吻她，一面又最荒唐。最虚伪地要她千万放心(如今，他真的爱上了桑德拉，方式虽然不同，但也是强烈极了……说不定还是有过之无不及呢);他说她永远是自己头一个，也是最后一个。最最亲爱的心上人……这么一说，使她觉得刚才自己也许冤枉了他。她还觉得自己现下的处境，虽说不见得比过去更美妙，至少也是比较安稳了……甚至远远地胜过别的姑娘们，她们也许在交际场合见得到他，可从来也尝不到他那妙不可言的爱情的滋味。
收听单词发音 |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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accosted
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| v.走过去跟…讲话( accost的过去式和过去分词 )；跟…搭讪；（乞丐等）上前向…乞讨；（妓女等）勾搭 | |
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acquiesced
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| v.默认，默许( acquiesce的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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nervously
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| adv.神情激动地，不安地 | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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inexplicable
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| adj.无法解释的，难理解的 | |
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interfere
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| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
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asseverating
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| v.郑重声明，断言( asseverate的现在分词 ) | |
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permanently
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| adv.永恒地，永久地，固定不变地 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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rattled
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| 慌乱的，恼火的 | |
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terse
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| adj.(说话，文笔)精炼的，简明的 | |
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alibi
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| n.某人当时不在犯罪现场的申辩或证明；借口 | |
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flustered
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| adj.慌张的；激动不安的v.使慌乱，使不安( fluster的过去式和过去分词) | |
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partially
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| adv.部分地，从某些方面讲 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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irritation
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| n.激怒，恼怒，生气 | |
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dubiously
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| adv.可疑地，怀疑地 | |
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mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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animating
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| v.使有生气( animate的现在分词 )；驱动；使栩栩如生地动作；赋予…以生命 | |
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misused
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| v.使用…不当( misuse的过去式和过去分词 )；把…派作不正当的用途；虐待；滥用 | |
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bristle
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| v.（毛发）直立，气势汹汹，发怒；n.硬毛发 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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truthful
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| adj.真实的，说实话的，诚实的 | |
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reiterated
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| 反复地说，重申( reiterate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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defiantly
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| adv.挑战地，大胆对抗地 | |
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defiant
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| adj.无礼的，挑战的 | |
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jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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assail
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| v.猛烈攻击，抨击，痛斥 | |
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coaxing
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| v.哄，用好话劝说( coax的现在分词 )；巧言骗取；哄劝，劝诱；“锻炼”效应 | |
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depressed
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| adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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gulf
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| n.海湾；深渊，鸿沟；分歧，隔阂 | |
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astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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vibrant
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| adj.震颤的，响亮的，充满活力的，精力充沛的，(色彩)鲜明的 | |
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softened
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| （使）变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 )； 缓解打击； 缓和； 安慰 | |
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pangs
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| 突然的剧痛( pang的名词复数 )； 悲痛 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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42
clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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43
concealed
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| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
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44
sobs
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| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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45
perplexed
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| adj.不知所措的 | |
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46
prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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47
evoked
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| [医]诱发的 | |
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48
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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