But the remedy he purchased failed to work. And because of nausea1 and his advice she had not gone to thefactory, but lay about worrying. But, no saving result appearing, she began to take two pills every hour instead ofone--eager at any cost to escape the fate which seemingly had overtaken her. And this made her exceedinglysick--so much so that when Clyde arrived at six-thirty he was really moved by her deathly white face, drawncheeks and large and nervous eyes, the pupils of which were unduly2 dilated3. Obviously she was facing a crisis,and because of him, and, while it frightened, at the same time it made him sorry for her. Still, so confused andperplexed was he by the problem which her unchanged state presented to him that his mind now leaped forwardto the various phases and eventualities of such a failure as this. The need of additional advice or service of somephysician somewhere! But where and how and who? And besides, as he now asked himself, where was he to obtain the money in any such event?
Plainly in view of no other inspiration it was necessary for him to return to the druggist at once and there inquireif there was anything else--some other drug or some other thing that one might do. Or if not that, then some low-priced shady doctor somewhere, who, for a small fee, or a promise of payments on time, would help in this case.
Yet even though this other matter was so important--tragic almost--once outside his spirits lifted slightly. For henow recalled that he had an appointment with Sondra at the Cranstons', where at nine he and she, along with anumber of others, were to meet and play about as usual--a party. Yet once at the Cranstons', and despite the keenallurement of Sondra, he could not keep his mind off Roberta's state, which rose before him as a specter.
Supposing now any one of those whom he found gathered here--Nadine Harriet, Perley Haynes, Violet Taylor,Jill Trumbull, Bella, Bertine, and Sondra, should gain the least inkling of the scene he had just witnessed? Inspite of Sondra at the piano throwing him a welcoming smile over her shoulder as he entered, his thoughts wereon Roberta. He must go around there again after this was over, to see how she was and so relieve his own mindin case she were better. In case she was not, he must write to Ratterer at once for advice.
In spite of his distress4 he was trying to appear as gay and unconcerned as ever--dancing first with Perley Haynesand then with Nadine and finally, while waiting for a chance to dance with Sondra, he approached a group whowere trying to help Vanda Steele solve a new scenery puzzle and asserted that he could read messages written onpaper and sealed in envelopes (the old serial5 letter trick which he had found explained in an ancient book ofparlor tricks discovered on a shelf at the Peytons'). It had been his plan to use it before in order to give himself anair of ease and cleverness, but to-night he was using it to take his mind off the greater problem that was weighingon him. And, although with the aid of Nadine Harriet, whom he took into his confidence, he succeeded inthoroughly mystifying the others, still his mind was not quite on it. Roberta was always there. Supposingsomething should really be wrong with her and he could not get her out of it. She might even expect him tomarry her, so fearful was she of her parents and people. What would he do then? He would lose the beautifulSondra and she might even come to know how and why he had lost her. But that would be wild of Roberta toexpect him to do that. He would not do it. He could not do it.
One thing was certain. He must get her out of this. He must! But how? How?
And although at twelve o'clock Sondra signaled that she was ready to go and that if he chose he mightaccompany her to her door (and even stop in for a few moments) and although once there, in the shade of apergola which ornamented6 the front gate, she had allowed him to kiss her and told him that she was beginning tothink he was the nicest ever and that the following spring when the family moved to Twelfth Lake she was goingto see if she couldn't think of some way by which she could arrange to have him there over week-ends, still,because of this pressing problem in connection with Roberta, Clyde was so worried that he was not able tocompletely enjoy this new and to him exquisitely7 thrilling demonstration8 of affection on her part--this new andamazing social and emotional victory of his.
He must send that letter to Ratterer to-night. But before that he must return to Roberta as he had promised andfind out if she was better. And after that he must go over to Schenectady in the morning, sure, to see the druggistover there. For something must be done about this unless she were better to-night.
And so, with Sondra's kisses thrilling on his lips, he left her to go to Roberta, whose white face and troubled eyestold him as he entered her room that no change had taken place. If anything she was worse and more distressedthan before, the larger dosage having weakened her to the point of positive illness. However, as she said, nothingmattered if only she could get out of this--that she would almost be willing to die rather than face theconsequences. And Clyde, realizing what she meant and being so sincerely concerned for himself, appeared inpart distressed9 for her. However, his previous indifference10 and the manner in which he had walked off and lefther alone this very evening prevented her from feeling that there was any abiding11 concern in him for her now.
And this grieved her terribly. For she sensed now that he did not really care for her any more, even though nowhe was saying that she mustn't worry and that it was likely that if these didn't work he would get something elsethat would; that he was going back to the druggist at Schenectady the first thing in the morning to see if therewasn't something else that he could suggest.
But the Gilpins had no telephone, and since he never ventured to call at her room during the day and he neverpermitted her to call him at Mrs. Peyton's, his plan in this instance was to pass by the following morning beforework. If she were all right, the two front shades would be raised to the top; if not, then lowered to the center. Inthat case he would depart for Schenectady at once, telephoning Mr. Liggett that he had some outside duties toperform.
Just the same, both were terribly depressed12 and fearful as to what this should mean for each of them. Clyde couldnot quite assure himself that, in the event that Roberta was not extricated13, he would be able to escape withoutindemnifying her in some form which might not mean just temporary efforts to aid her, but something more-marriage,possibly--since already she had reminded him that he had promised to see her through. But what hadhe really meant by that at the time that he said it, he now asked himself. Not marriage, most certainly, since histhought was not that he had ever wanted to marry her, but rather just to play with her happily in love, although,as he well knew, she had no such conception of his eager mood at that time. He was compelled to admit tohimself that she had probably thought his intentions were more serious or she would not have submitted to him atall.
But reaching home, and after writing and mailing the letter to Ratterer, Clyde passed a troubled night. Nextmorning he paid a visit to the druggist at Schenectady, the curtains of Roberta's windows having been lowered tothe center when he passed. But on this occasion the latter had no additional aid to offer other than the advisabilityof a hot and hence weakening bath, which he had failed to mention in the first instance. Also some wearyingform of physical exercise. But noting Clyde's troubled expression and judging that the situation was causing himgreat worry, he observed: "Of course, the fact that your wife has skipped a month doesn't mean that there isanything seriously wrong, you know. Women do that sometimes. Anyhow, you can't ever be sure until thesecond month has passed. Any doctor will tell you that. If she's nervous, let her try something like this. But evenif it fails to work, you can't be positive. She might be all right next month just the same."Thinly cheered by this information, Clyde was about to depart, for Roberta might be wrong. He and she might beworrying needlessly. Still--he was brought up with a round turn as he thought of it--there might be real danger,and waiting until the end of the second period would only mean that a whole month had elapsed and nothinghelpful accomplished--a freezing thought. In consequence he now observed: "In case things don't come right,you don't happen to know of a doctor she could go to, do you? This is rather a serious business for both of us,and I'd like to get her out of it if I could."Something about the way in which Clyde said this--his extreme nervousness as well as his willingness to indulgein a form of malpractice which the pharmacist by some logic15 all his own considered very different from justswallowing a preparation intended to achieve the same result--caused him to look suspiciously at Clyde, thethought stirring in his brain that very likely after all Clyde was not married, also that this was one of thoseyouthful affairs which spelled license16 and future difficulty for some unsophisticated girl. Hence his mood nowchanged, and instead of being willing to assist, he now said coolly: "Well, there may be a doctor around here, butif so I don't know. And I wouldn't undertake to send any one to a doctor like that. It's against the law. It wouldcertainly go hard with any doctor around here who was caught doing that sort of thing. That's not to say, though,that you aren't at liberty to look around for yourself, if you want to," he added gravely, giving Clyde a suspiciousand examining glance, and deciding it were best if he had nothing further to do with such a person.
Clyde therefore returned to Roberta with the same prescription17 renewed, although she had most decidedlyprotested that, since the first box had not worked, it was useless to get more. But since he insisted, she waswilling to try the drug the new way, although the argument that a cold or nerves was the possible cause was onlysufficient to convince her that Clyde was at the end of his resources in so far as she was concerned, or if not that,he was far from being alive to the import of this both to herself and to him. And supposing this new treatment didnot work, then what? Was he going to stop now and let the thing rest there?
Yet so peculiar19 was Clyde's nature that in the face of his fears in regard to his future, and because it was far frompleasant to be harried20 in this way and an infringement21 on his other interests, the assurance that the delay of amonth might not prove fatal was sufficient to cause him to be willing to wait, and that rather indifferently, forthat length of time. Roberta might be wrong. She might be making all this trouble for nothing. He must see howshe felt after she had tried this new way.
But the treatment failed. Despite the fact that in her distress Roberta returned to the factory in order to wearyherself, until all the girls in the department assured her that she must be ill-- that she should not be working whenshe looked and plainly felt so bad--still nothing came of it. And the fact that Clyde could dream of falling backon the assurance of the druggist that a first month's lapse14 was of no import only aggravated22 and frightened herthe more.
The truth was that in this crisis he was as interesting an illustration of the enormous handicaps imposed byignorance, youth, poverty and fear as one could have found. Technically23 he did not even know the meaning ofthe word "midwife," or the nature of the services performed by her. (And there were three here in Lycurgus atthis time in the foreign family section.) Again, he had been in Lycurgus so short a time, and apart from the youngsociety men and Dillard whom he had cut, and the various department heads at the factory, he knew no one--anoccasional barber, haberdasher, cigar dealer24 and the like, the majority of whom, as he saw them, were either toodull or too ignorant for his purpose.
One thing, however, which caused him to pause before ever he decided18 to look up a physician was the problemof who was to approach him and how. To go himself was simply out of the question. In the first place, he lookedtoo much like Gilbert Griffiths, who was decidedly too well-known here and for whom he might be mistaken.
Next, it was unquestionable that, being as well-dressed as he was, the physician would want to charge him more,maybe, than he could afford and ask him all sorts of embarrassing questions, whereas if it could be arranged through some one else--the details explained before ever Roberta was sent--Why not Roberta herself! Why not?
She looked so simple and innocent and unassuming and appealing at all times. And in such a situation as this, asdepressed and downcast as she was, well . . . For after all, as he now casuistically argued with himself, it was sheand not he who was facing the immediate25 problem which had to be solved.
And again, as it now came to him, would she not be able to get it done cheaper? For looking as she did now, sodistrait--If only he could get her to say that she had been deserted26 by some young man, whose name she wouldrefuse to divulge27, of course, well, what physician seeing a girl like her alone and in such a state--no one to lookafter her--would refuse her? It might even be that he would help her out for nothing. Who could tell? And thatwould leave him clear of it all.
And in consequence he now approached Roberta, intending to prepare her for the suggestion that, assuming thathe could provide a physician and the nature of his position being what it was, she must speak for herself. Butbefore he had spoken she at once inquired of him as to what, if anything, more he had heard or done. Wasn'tsome other remedy sold somewhere? And this giving him the opportunity he desired, he explained: "Well, I'veasked around and looked into most of the drug-stores and they tell me if this one won't work that none will. Thatleaves me sorta stumped28 now, unless you're willing to go and see a doctor. But the trouble with that is they'rehard to find--the ones who'll do anything and keep their mouths shut. I've talked with several fellows withoutsaying who it's for, of course, but it ain't so easy to get one around here, because they are all too much afraid. It'sagainst the law, you see. But what I want to know now is, supposing I find a doctor who would do it, will youhave the nerve to go and see him and tell him what the trouble is? That's what I want to know."She looked at him dazedly29, not quite grasping that he was hinting that she was to go entirely30 alone, but ratherassuming that of course he meant to go with her. Then, her mind concentrating nervously31 upon the necessity offacing a doctor in his company, she first exclaimed: "Oh, dear, isn't it terrible to think of us having to go to adoctor in this way? Then he'll know all about us, won't he? And besides it's dangerous, isn't it, although I don'tsuppose it could be much worse than those old pills." She went off into more intimate inquiries32 as to what wasdone and how, but Clyde could not enlighten her.
"Oh, don't be getting nervous over that now," he said. "It isn't anything that's going to hurt you, I know. Besideswe'll be lucky if we find some one to do it. What I want to know is if I do find a doctor, will you be willing to goto him alone?" She started as if struck, but unabashed now he went on, "As things stand with me here, I can't gowith you, that's sure. I'm too well known around here, and besides I look too much like Gilbert and he's known toeverybody. If I should be mistaken for him, or be taken for his cousin or relative, well, then the jig's up."His eyes were not only an epitome33 of how wretched he would feel were he exposed to all Lycurgus for what hewas, but also in them lurked34 a shadow of the shabby role he was attempting to play in connection with her--inhiding thus completely behind her necessity. And yet so tortured was he by the fear of what was about to befallhim in case he did not succeed in so doing, that he was now prepared, whatever Roberta might think or say, tostand his ground. But Roberta, sensing only the fact that he was thinking of sending her alone, now exclaimedincredulously: "Not alone, Clyde! Oh, no, I couldn't do that! Oh, dear, no! Why, I'd be frightened to death. Oh,dear, no. Why, I'd be so frightened I wouldn't know what to do. Just think how I'd feel, trying to explain to himalone. I just couldn't do that. Besides, how would I know what to say--how to begin? You'll just have to go withme at first, that's all, and explain, or I never can go--I don't care what happens." Her eyes were round and excited and her face, while registering all the depression and fear that had recently been there, was transfigured bydefinite opposition35.
But Clyde was not to be shaken either.
"You know how it is with me here, Bert. I can't go, and that's all there is to it. Why, supposing I were seen-supposingsome one should recognize me? What then? You know how much I've been going around here sinceI've been here. Why, it's crazy to think that I could go. Besides, it will be a lot easier for you than for me. Nodoctor's going to think anything much of your coming to him, especially if you're alone. He'll just think you'resome one who's got in trouble and with no one to help you. But if I go, and it should be any one who knowsanything about the Griffiths, there'd be the deuce to pay. Right off he'd think I was stuffed with money. Besides,if I didn't do just what he wanted me to do afterwards, he could go to my uncle, or my cousin, and then, goodnight! That would be the end of me. And if I lost my place here now, and with no money and that kind of scandalconnected with me, where do you suppose I would be after that, or you either? I certainly couldn't look after youthen. And then what would you do? I should think you'd wake up and see what a tough proposition this is. Myname can't be pulled into this without trouble for both of us. It's got to be kept out, that's all, and the only way forme to keep it out is for me to stay away from any doctor. Besides, he'd feel a lot sorrier for you than he would forme. You can't tell me!"His eyes were distressed and determined36, and, as Roberta could gather from his manner, a certain hardness, or atleast defiance37, the result of fright, showed in every gesture. He was determined to protect his own name, comewhat might--a fact which, because of her own acquiescence38 up to this time, still carried great weight with her.
"Oh, dear! dear!" she exclaimed, nervously and sadly now, the growing and drastic terror of the situationdawning upon her, "I don't see how we are to do then. I really don't. For I can't do that and that's all there is to it.
It's all so hard--so terrible. I'd feel too much ashamed and frightened to ever go alone."But even as she said this she began to feel that she might, and even would, go alone, if must be. For what elsewas there to do? And how was she to compel him, in the face of his own fears and dangers, to jeopardize39 hisposition here? He began once more, in self-defense more than from any other motive40:
"Besides, unless this thing isn't going to cost very much, I don't see how I'm going to get by with it anyhow, Bert.
I really don't. I don't make so very much, you know--only twenty-five dollars up to now." (Necessity was at lastcompelling him to speak frankly41 with Roberta.) "And I haven't saved anything--not a cent. And you know why aswell as I do. We spent the most of it together. Besides if I go and he thought I had money, he might want tocharge me more than I could possibly dig up. But if you go and just tell him how things are--and that you haven'tgot anything--if you'd only say I'd run away or something, see--"He paused because, as he said it, he saw a flicker42 of shame, contempt, despair at being connected with anythingso cheap and shabby, pass over Roberta's face. And yet in spite of this sly and yet muddy tergiversation on hispart--so great is the compelling and enlightening power of necessity--she could still see that there was some pointto his argument. He might be trying to use her as a foil, a mask, behind which he, and she too for that matter, wasattempting to hide. But just the same, shameful43 as it was, here were the stark44, bald headlands of fact, and at theirbase the thrashing, destroying waves of necessity. She heard him say: "You wouldn't have to give your right name, you know, or where you came from. I don't intend to pick out any doctor right around here, see. Then, ifyou'd tell him you didn't have much money--just your weekly salary--"She sat down weakly to think, the while this persuasive45 trickery proceeded from him--the import of most of hisargument going straight home. For as false and morally meretricious46 as this whole plan was, still, as she couldsee for herself, her own as well as Clyde's situation was desperate. And as honest and punctilious47 as she mightordinarily be in the matter of truth-telling and honest-dealing, plainly this was one of those whirling tempests offact and reality in which the ordinary charts and compasses of moral measurement were for the time being ofsmall use.
And so, insisting then that they go to some doctor far away, Utica or Albany, maybe--but still admitting by thisthat she would go--the conversation was dropped. And he having triumphed in the matter of excepting his ownpersonality from this, took heart to the extent, at least, of thinking that at once now, by some hook or crook48, hemust find a doctor to whom he could send her. Then his terrible troubles in connection with all this would beover. And after that she could go her way, as surely she must; then, seeing that he would have done all that hecould for her he would go his way to the glorious denouement49 that lay directly before him in case only this wereadjusted.
可是哪儿会料到，他买的药丸子并不灵光。由于恶心呕吐而又听从他的劝告，罗伯达没有去厂里，只是心急如焚躺在床上。因为后来她发现不是立见功效，就从每小时服用一粒增至每小时服用两粒……不惜任何代价，恨不得快点逃脱那场看来早已落到她头上的厄运。结果，她身体反而变得虚弱极了……六点半克莱德一进来，看见她象死人似的脸色惨白，两腮深陷，瞪着一双惊恐万状的大眼睛，眼珠子大得特别吓人，说真的，他也不由得很感动。显然，她这是在遭罪，而且全是为了他的缘故。这一下子使他吓坏了，便又替她感到难过。
这时，他心里早已乱成一团:
万一她仍然不见好转，在他眼前又冒出许多新的难题，便会急得他拚命想象药丸子失灵后可能产生的种种后果。显然，还得上别处向医生求教去!
不过，该去找哪一个医生呢?
上哪儿去找呢?
真不知道怎样才找得到?
此外，他还在反躬自问，一旦需要这样办时，又叫他上哪儿弄钱去呢?
显然一时想不出别的好办法，他就只好马上再去找那家杂货铺，问问还有没有别的新药，或是别的切实可行的办法。要不然，干脆上哪儿去找一个极不高明。私下专做这种生意的医生，给他一笔小小酬金，或是答应分期付款，也许可以使罗伯达不再吃苦头了。
但哪怕是这件事如此十万火急……几乎还带有悲剧色彩……谁能料到克莱德一出了房间，他的精神就马上来了劲。他想起了自己跟桑德拉约好一起上克兰斯顿家去，他。她，还有别的一拨人，约定九点钟在那儿碰面，照例在一块玩儿……开"派对"。可是，一到了克兰斯顿家，尽管桑德拉迷人极了，可是憔悴病容的罗伯达的形象有如幽灵似的老是在他眼前萦绕不去。万一今天来这儿欢聚的……纳丁。哈里特。玻利。海恩斯。维奥莱特。泰勒。杰尔。特朗布尔。
贝拉。伯蒂娜。桑德拉这些人里头，有哪一位对他刚才的亲自见闻知道了一点儿蛛丝马迹，那怎么办呢?
尽管他一进去的时候，正弹着钢琴的桑德拉回过头来，迎着他嫣然一笑，可是，他心里还在牵挂罗伯达哩。这里一结束，他还得再去一趟，看看罗伯达又怎么样了，她要是见好一些，那时他也可以放心些。要是还不见好转，那他就只好立刻给拉特勒写信求助了。
他尽管心里烦恼不安，还是竭力显得如同往日里一样乐乐呵呵，无忧无虑……先是跟玻利。海恩斯跳，接下来跟纳丁跳，后来，在等机会跟桑德拉一块跳的时候，他向那边一群人走了过去。原来他们正在帮范达。斯蒂尔猜一个新画谜，他便说:
写在纸片上的谜底，虽然封进信封里，他照样也能念出来……这是一种老式的联拚字码的游戏，他在佩顿家书架上找到过一本老掉牙的书，书名家庭游戏，里头就有玩法说明。以前他很想通过玩这种游戏，向众人显示一下自己那种从容自如的聪明劲儿，可在今儿晚上，他只不过借此忘掉压在他心头的更大难题罢了。虽说他偷偷地先告诉了纳丁。哈里特，然后靠她的帮助他玩的这套游戏竟把别人全都给蒙住了，可他还是心不在焉，罗伯达的形象老是浮现在他眼前。万一她真的出了事，他不能帮她渡过这个难关，那怎么办?
说不定她甚至会指望自己娶她;要知道她对父母及周围的人是最害怕的。那时，他该怎么办?
他就会失掉了美丽的桑德拉，而桑德拉甚至还可能了解清楚:
他是怎么和为什么会失掉她的。不过，罗伯达如果说要他娶了她，那才是疯了。不，他既不会这么办，而且也根本办不到。
但有一件事是肯定的:
他非得帮她逃脱这个难关不可。他非得帮她不可!
只不过该怎么个帮法?
怎么帮?
到了十二点钟，桑德拉示意她准备走了，他要是高兴的话，不妨送她到她家大门口(甚至还可以进去玩一会儿)。在大门口藤萝缭绕的棚架的阴影下，她还允许他亲吻了她，还跟他说，她觉得自己是最最喜欢他，春天一到，他们全家人都到第十二号湖去，到时候她打算看看，能不能想出个什么办法，请他上那儿去过周末，然而，克莱德因为想到罗伯达的问题如此紧迫，实在让他揪心，所以也就无法充分享受来自桑德拉这种新的爱情的表示……这对他真可以说是心荡神移，陶然自得，是他在社交和感情方面取得的一次惊人的新胜利。
今晚他必须把写给拉特勒的信发出去。不过，他还得象他先前答应过的那样，先上罗伯达那儿去，看看她好些了没有。明天早上，他怎么也得上谢内克塔迪找那家杂货铺去。因为他已毫无办法可想，非找杂货铺掌柜不可，除非她今晚有所好转。
于是，当他嘴唇上还能感到桑德拉的亲吻的时候，他便跟她告别径直看罗伯达去了。他一进她的房间，她的那张苍白的脸。她的一双痛苦的眼睛，就告诉了他一点儿都没有好转。她甚至感到比前时更恶化。更痛苦，由于服药剂量过大，身体虚弱简直到了极点。不过，她说只要这药能起作用，一切她都顶得住……又说如果要她生孩子，她宁可去死。克莱德理解她说这些话的意思，说真的，也替自己担心，佯装有些替她难过的样子。不过，他过去的态度既然是那样冷淡，就在今天晚上也还是一走了之，撇下了她孤零零一个人……因此，她就一点儿也不觉得他是真的关心她。想到这里，她不由得感到痛心极了。因为如今她已经发觉，他真的再也不疼她了，尽管嘴上还劝她放心，又说这药要是不灵，他会另找更灵的药，还说他明天一清早上谢内克塔迪去找那家杂货铺掌柜，看他有没有别的好办法。
可是吉尔平家没有电话，加上白天他从来不敢上她房间看她去，同时又从来不让她上佩顿家找他去，因此，现在他打算明天清早上班前，特意路过她的住地转一转。倘若她一切顺顺当当，前面两块窗帘就一直拉到顶上;不然只要垂在中间就得了。这样，他一看心里明白，就给利格特打电话，说一声到外面办公事去了，然后马上动身去谢内克塔迪。
尽管这样，他们俩还是胆颤心惊，深怕这会使他们都遭了灾难。克莱德很拿不准的是:
万一罗伯达不见好转，那他能不能一点儿都不补偿她的损失，自己就溜之大吉。因为她对他提出的要求，可能不仅仅是临时性帮助她一下，而是有更大要求……说不定就得娶了她……要知道她早已提醒过他，说他答应过要对她一帮到底。不过，现在他反躬自问，他当初说这话时的真意究竟是什么呢。
当然罗，不是指结婚，这是绝对肯定的，因为他从来没有想过跟她结婚，只不过是跟她谈谈恋爱，寻寻开心罢了。尽管他也很明白，当时罗伯达对他那种炽烈的感情是并不了解的。他不得不承认，也许她以为当时他说了话是算数的，要不然她压根儿就不会向他屈服了。
可是，克莱德回到家里，给拉特勒写好信并且发出去以后，便捱过了一个困扰不安之夜。转天一早路过罗伯达住所时，一看窗帘垂在中间，他就上谢内克塔迪去找杂货铺掌柜。可是这一回，那个掌柜再也没有说起有什么别的灵方妙药……只是说，不妨洗一个热水澡，备不住病情就会减轻些……说他在前一次忘了提这件事。他还说不妨做一些令人疲乏的运动。可他一发觉克莱德困扰不安的神色，便断定他心事很重，于是说:
"当然罗，你太太错过了一个月，并不是说就出了什么严重问题，明白了吧。这样的事女人是常有的。反正到第二个月结束以前，你怎么也肯定不了。不拘是哪个医生，都会对你这么说的。她要是还很担心，那让她试试这个就得了。不过，要是连这个都不灵，可你也不能因此就下了定论呢。过了下个月，说不定她就好转了。"克莱德听了掌柜这番安慰，心里稍微高兴一些，就准备要走了，因为罗伯达也有可能弄错了。也许他们俩都是在自寻烦恼吧。不过，据他看来，自己生来考虑问题比较全面……说不定真的有危险，要是再等到第二次，那就什么事都没有做，只不过白白地浪费一个月时间……一想到这里，他心里不由得冷了半截。于是，他就说:
"万一服用后还不见好，你知不知道她应该找什么样的医生?
这对我们俩来说都是性命交关的事，我总想尽自己一切力量帮助她。
"克莱德说话时的举止语调。他的极其慌张的神色，以及乐意滥用不正当的疗法，使这位药剂师犯疑了，因为按照药剂师的逻辑，上述这种病急乱投医的态度跟希望服药以收到效果是大不一样的。他用怀疑的眼光直望着克莱德，脑际忽然掠过一个念头:
可能克莱德压根儿还没结婚，而且，这种事目下也是屡见不鲜，也就是说，由于放荡不羁的小青年勾引，使涉世不深的年轻姑娘倒了霉。
因此，药剂师的情绪一下子改变了。他再也不乐意帮助他，只是冷冰冰地说:
"嗯，也许这儿说不定能找到这么一个医生，不过就是有的话，我也是一点儿都不知道。而且，我也不愿就这样随随便便介绍哪一个人去找这样的医生。这是违法行为。这儿不拘是哪一个医生，只要一被发现在做这类事，那就倒霉了。
当然罗，你要是乐意，还是可以去找找看，那就是你自个儿的事啦。"他神情严肃地找补着说，满怀疑虑地向克莱德投去一瞥，并且决定最好别再跟这个家伙多噜苏了。
因此，克莱德只好照旧又配了一些药，回到罗伯达那里。对此，她当然坚决反对，说既然头一盒药丸子不灵验，即使服得再多，也是不管用的。但是他一再坚持，她便愿意再试服一下这种药丸子。不料克莱德却找到借口，说一切也许都得怪她着了凉，或是精神太紧张的缘故。反正他上面这类话，只能让她相信:
就她这件事来说，他已经到了山穷水尽的地步，要不然，他还是压根儿不了解这对他们俩都是性命交关的大事情。万一这新配的药还是不起作用，那又该怎么办?
他会不会干脆就到此为止，撒手不管她了?
不过话又说回来，克莱德的性格也真怪，他既担心毁了自己的前程，又因为这么拖累折腾妨碍了他其他方面的利益，心里感到老大不高兴，因此，他乐于相信过了一个月一切自然都会好转的说法，所以要等也就等，而且还是满不在乎地等吧。说不定是罗伯达搞错了。也说不定她只是庸人自扰罢了。他还得看看她服用了新配的药以后到底见好了没有。
不料新配的药还是不灵。罗伯达还是照样上班，故意折磨自己身体，后来，同班组全体姑娘都对她说，她一定是病很重了，她样子那么难看，而且自己明明也感到病得够呛，就不该再来上班，但是一点儿效果都没有。而且，克莱德竟然听信了杂货铺掌柜所说一个月不来不要紧的话，聊以自慰。这就使她越发恼火。越发惧怕了。
事实是，在这个危急关头，他只不过是一个怪有趣的事例，从中可以让人看到，愚昧。年轻。穷困和惧怕造成的危害该有多大。比方说，"产婆"这个词是什么意思，产婆究竟承揽哪些活儿，他压根儿都不懂得。(当时在莱柯格斯的外侨居住区就有三个产婆。)再说，他来莱柯格斯毕竟时间很短，除了上流社会里的年轻人。早已断绝往来的迪拉德，以及厂里几个部门头头以外，他什么人都不认得……此外仅有偶尔点点头招呼一下的一个理发师。一个男子服饰用品店掌柜。一家雪茄烟铺的老板这一类的人，依他看，这些人十之八九不是太乏味，就是太愚蠢，帮不上他的忙。
不过，在他决定找医生以前，有一个问题让他煞费踌躇，那就是:
由谁去找以及怎么找。要他克莱德亲自去找，根本不在考虑之列。首先，他的外貌酷似吉尔伯特。格里菲思，而吉尔伯特在这儿名声毕竟太响了，人们很可能把他误认为吉尔伯特了。其次，他穿得这么讲究，医生开价很可能超过他的经济能力，而且还会向他提出一连串尴尬的问题来。倘若通过别的什么人……在罗伯达不在场的时候先将详细情况交代清楚……啊，为什么不让罗伯达自己去呢!
为什么不可以呢?
瞧她的模样儿始终都是那么老实。天真。诚挚，而且还令人动怜哩。
而且特别是象她现在那么沮丧。忧郁，真的……说到底，他暗自狡辩说，反正现在遇到这个非得解决不可的难题的……是她，而不是他呀。
他心里继而一想，何不由她自己去，不是价钱可以更便宜些吗?
凭现在她这副倒霉样儿，心神恍恍惚惚的，只要他能说服她，让她说自己被一个什么样的年轻人给抛弃了，至于这个年轻人尊姓大名，当然，她就得绝口不谈的。那末，不拘是哪一个医生，见她这样孤零零的，怪可怜的，无人照料，还有谁会把她拒之门外呢?
也许人家会帮助她，完全是尽义务，这也说不定。有谁能未卜先知呢?
到那时，他克莱德也就从此脱尽了干系。
于是，他去找罗伯达，想跟她提出这么一个办法:
假定他能给她物色到一位医生，但因他目前处境的关系，还得由她自己出面跟医生谈。但还没有等他开口，她就已经先问他打听到了什么消息，还做了一些什么事，哪儿还有什么别的药可买到?
克莱德趁此机会向他讲开了:
"哦，我几乎向所有药房都打听过了，也亲眼看过了。人家都对我说，这个药要是不灵，那就再也没有别的什么灵药了。这就让我有些束手无策了。现在只有一个办法，就是你去找医生。但你要知道，麻烦的是，肯想一切办法而又守口如瓶的医生，很不容易觅到。我跟几个人谈过，当然没有说出是谁要找，可是要在这儿找到这么一个医生很不容易，因为他们全都太胆小。这是违法的，明白了吧。不过，现在我想要知道:
万一我物色到一位医生乐于干这样的事，你有没有胆量去看他，把毛病说给他听?
我要了解清楚的，就是这个问题。"她头昏目眩地直瞅着他，不明白他这是不是在暗示说她单独一个人去，但仍然以为他当然会陪她一块去的。她心里忐忑不安地想到，必须在他陪同下一起去看医生，所以抢先嚷了起来:
"哦，亲爱的，一想到我们非得象这样去看医生，不是怪可怕的吗?
这就是说，我们的事他全都知道了，可不是吗?
再说，这也很危险，是吧，虽然，依我看，也许不见得比这些破药丸子更坏。"她接下去还想了解得更详细些，比方说，他做了些什么事，事情经过怎么样，可克莱德没能给她说清楚。
"哦，用不着为这事太紧张呀，"他说。"这怎么也不会叫你受不了的，我知道。再说，我们要是能寻摸到一个乐意干这类事的医生，就算是走运了。现在我想知道的是:
假定说我寻摸到一位医生，你愿不愿意自己一个人去找他?
"她一听这句话，仿佛触电似的，他却还是没羞没臊地往下说:
"你明白吗，明摆着我不可能陪你一块去，这是肯定的。在这儿，知道我的人太多了。此外，我长相跟吉尔伯特太象了，而他又是人人都认得的。万一人家把我误认是他，或是认作他的堂兄弟或是其他亲戚什么的，那么一切都完了。"这时，他眼里流露出来的，不仅仅是害怕……一旦他的真面目在莱柯格斯人面前被揭穿，该有多么狼狈，而且还隐藏着一个阴影，可以看出，他打算在对罗伯达的关系上扮演一个太卑鄙下流的角色……趁她正在危急之际，自己却躲在背后不露面。现在他最害怕的是:
深怕他这个计划万一不成功，那他真不知道就要有什么大祸临头了。因此，不管罗伯达怎么想或者怎么说，他决心坚持己见。这时，罗伯达知道他一心想打发她一个人去，简直难以置信地嚷道:
"不，决不能一个人去，克莱德!
哦，不行，这个我可不干。哦，亲爱的，不行!
哦，这可快要把我吓死呀。哦，亲爱的，不行。哦，我真的会吓得不知道该怎么办呢。
只要你想一想，让我独个儿一人把这一切说给此人听，那时我会变成什么个样儿。这个我就是不干。再说，我又怎么知道应该向此人说些什么……怎么开头呢?
头一次你非得跟我一块去不可，那就得了，好歹还得由你自个儿说给人家听。
要不然，我怎么也不去啦……至于将来会怎么样，反正对我也无所谓。"瞧她的眼睛睁得圆圆的，仿佛烈火在燃烧似的;她的脸色刚才还露出沮丧。忧郁的样子，现因坚决反对，一下子都变了。
可克莱德还是决不动摇。
"你也知道，我在这儿所处的地位，伯特。我可不能去，就是这么回事。只要想一想，万一我给人看见了……万一有人认得我呢?
那怎么办?
自从我来这儿以后，哪儿我都去过，这你也知道。哦，你以为我能一块去，简直是发疯了。再说，你自个儿去，比我一块去要好办得多哩。你去，特别是你一个人去，哪一个医生都不会对你有太多怀疑的，只不过认为你碰到了不幸，又没有人帮助你。
但是，如果说我去，赶上人家又知道我是来自格里菲思家族，那后果就吓坏人啦。人家马上会想我一定有的是钱。再说，我要是事后不照他的要求付钱，那他就会去找我伯父或是堂兄……那时，再见吧!
我就完蛋啦。要是现在我丢掉了这里的职位，又没有钱，还卷入这场丑闻中去……那时你想想看，叫我该怎么办，或是你又该怎么办?
到了那时候，我当然没有力量来照顾你了。那你怎么办?
我相信，你一定会清醒过来，明白目前处境非常严峻。我的名字要是一卷进去，那末，我们两人都要碰上麻烦。所以，我的名字断断乎不能卷进去，就是这么一回事。而要我不卷进去，唯一的办法就是别让我跟任何一个医生见面。此外，相比之下，人家对你只会更加同情。你怎么也不能把我的名字说出来呀!
"他眼里充满痛苦而又坚决的神色。罗伯达从他的神态里看出，他每一个姿势都显露出某种冷酷无情，至少也是某种倔强劲儿……他心里惧怕的结果。不管怎么说，他是坚决要保护自己的名声……对于这一点，由于她到目前为止一直予以默认，所以此刻在她心里依然极为重要。
"哦，老天哪!
老天哪!
"她慌张地。伤心地嚷了起来。她开始清楚地意识到情况越发可怕了。"我可不知道我们该怎么办才好。我真的不知道。因为这个我可坚决不干，我就是这么一句话。一切都是那么无情……那么可怕。要是我一个人去，真的叫我害羞和害怕死啦。"可是，即使是在她说这些话时，她已开始觉得，必要时，也许只好她一个人去，甚至她自己也愿意一个人去。因为，除此以外，她还能有什么别的办法呢?
克莱德既然那么害怕，又感到有那么大的危险……那她怎能逼着他要拿他在这儿的地位来孤注一掷呢。这时，克莱德更多的是为了保护自己，而不是出于其他目的，又开始说话:
"再说，还得想方设法，使钱不要花得太多，伯特，要不然，我还不知道该怎么张罗这一笔钱哩。说真的，我可不知道该怎么张罗。我挣的钱并不怎么多，你也知道吧，至今仍然只有二十五块美元。"(迫于形势，他终于对罗伯达说老实话了。)"而且，平时我一点儿积蓄都没有……一个子儿也没有。至于为什么会这样，你跟我一样知道得清清楚楚。我挣来的几乎全都被我们一块儿花掉了。再说，要是我一块去了，人家以为我很有钱，开价就会大大的，远不是我付得起的。要是你一个人去，如实地相告……就说你什么都没有……你干脆说我跑掉了，或是别的什么，你明白了吗……"他迟疑了片刻，因为他在说这些话时，看见羞耻。轻蔑与绝望在罗伯达的脸上突然一一闪过，这是由于她意识到自己将要作如此卑鄙下流的事而引起的。
不过，尽管他是那么狡猾，甚至存心糊弄她……而现实所具有的那种令人启迪和无话可说的力量是如此之大……罗伯达还是觉得他的那一套说法不是没有道理的。也许他很想把她当做一个幌子。一个面具，这次他们俩都可以躲在背后了。不过，不管怎么说，可耻固然是可耻，但是现实却有如严峻的。光秃秃的海岬一般矗立在她面前，而在海岬底沿，命运掀起的毁灭一切的浪头正在汹涌澎湃着。她听见他低声说:
"你犯不着说出自己的真实姓名，明白吗，也不用说明你是打哪儿来的。我可不打算在莱柯格斯这儿随便找一个医生，明白了吗。你只要跟他说你没有多少钱……拢共就是每周挣来的工资……"她有气无力地坐了下来，暗自琢磨着。这时，他还在唠叨不休地谈自己那一套颇具说服力的骗术……其中的道理多半可谓深中肯綮。因为，尽管这一套骗术是那么虚伪，那么不道德，可她还是认识到，她自己和克莱德都已到了走投无路的境地。尽管她平日里说话做人都是老老实实，一丝不苟，可是如今分明卷进了一场现实生活的暴风雨之中，平时衡量道德的那些标准一时也都不管用了。
因此，最后决定他们到离莱柯格斯远一些的地方，也许是尤蒂卡或是奥尔巴尼，去找医生……这就是说，她仍答应自己一定去找医生……谈话到此结束。
克莱德因为自己可以不卷进去而得胜了，少说也来了劲儿:
他心里在想，必须不择手段，马上找到一位医生，好把罗伯达打发过去。那时，他跟这一切可怕的烦恼，也就象一溜烟似的消散了。在这以后，她就可以……当然罗，她也非得走她自己的路不可。而他，既然已经为她尽到了自己的一切力量，那末，只要眼前一切安排停当，他也可以走他自己的路，等待着他的是光辉灿烂的前程。
收听单词发音 |
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nausea
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| n.作呕，恶心；极端的憎恶(或厌恶) | |
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unduly
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| adv.过度地，不适当地 | |
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dilated
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| adj.加宽的，扩大的v.（使某物）扩大，膨胀，张大( dilate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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serial
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| n.连本影片，连本电视节目；adj.连续的 | |
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ornamented
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| adj.花式字体的v.装饰，点缀，美化( ornament的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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exquisitely
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| adv.精致地；强烈地；剧烈地；异常地 | |
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demonstration
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| n.表明，示范，论证，示威 | |
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distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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abiding
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| adj.永久的，持久的，不变的 | |
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depressed
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| adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的 | |
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extricated
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| v.使摆脱困难，脱身( extricate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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lapse
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| n.过失，流逝，失效，抛弃信仰，间隔；vi.堕落，停止，失效，流逝；vt.使失效 | |
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logic
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| n.逻辑(学)；逻辑性 | |
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license
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| n.执照，许可证，特许；v.许可，特许 | |
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prescription
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| n.处方，开药；指示，规定 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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harried
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| v.使苦恼( harry的过去式和过去分词 )；不断烦扰；一再袭击；侵扰 | |
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infringement
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| n.违反；侵权 | |
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aggravated
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| 使恶化( aggravate的过去式和过去分词 )； 使更严重； 激怒； 使恼火 | |
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technically
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| adv.专门地，技术上地 | |
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dealer
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| n.商人，贩子 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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divulge
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| v.泄漏(秘密等)；宣布，公布 | |
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stumped
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| 僵直地行走，跺步行走( stump的过去式和过去分词 )； 把（某人）难住； 使为难； （选举前）在某一地区作政治性巡回演说 | |
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dazedly
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| 头昏眼花地，眼花缭乱地，茫然地 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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nervously
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| adv.神情激动地，不安地 | |
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inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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epitome
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| n.典型，梗概 | |
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lurked
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| vi.潜伏，埋伏（lurk的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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opposition
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| n.反对，敌对 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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acquiescence
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| n.默许；顺从 | |
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jeopardize
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| vt.危及，损害 | |
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motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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flicker
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| vi./n.闪烁，摇曳，闪现 | |
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shameful
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| adj.可耻的，不道德的 | |
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stark
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| adj.荒凉的；严酷的；完全的；adv.完全地 | |
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persuasive
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| adj.有说服力的，能说得使人相信的 | |
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meretricious
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| adj.华而不实的，俗艳的 | |
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punctilious
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| adj.谨慎的，谨小慎微的 | |
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crook
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| v.使弯曲；n.小偷，骗子，贼；弯曲(处) | |
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denouement
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| n.结尾，结局 | |
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