The information thus gained was a relief, but only partially1 so. For both Clyde and Roberta there was no realrelief now until this problem should be definitely solved. And although within a few moments after he hadobtained it, he appeared and explained that at last he had secured the name of some one who might help her, stillthere was yet the serious business of heartening her for the task of seeing the doctor alone, also for the story thatwas to exculpate2 him and at the same time win for her sufficient sympathy to cause the doctor to make the chargefor his service merely nominal3.
But now, instead of protesting as at first he feared that she might, Roberta was moved to acquiesce4. So manythings in Clyde's attitude since Christmas had so shocked her that she was bewildered and without a plan otherthan to extricate5 herself as best she might without any scandal attaching to her or him and then going her ownway--pathetic and abrasive6 though it might be. For since he did not appear to care for her any more and plainlydesired to be rid of her, she was in no mood to compel him to do other than he wished. Let him go. She couldmake her own way. She had, and she could too, without him, if only she could get out of this. Yet, as she saidthis to herself, however, and a sense of the full significance of it all came to her, the happy days that would neverbe again, she put her hands to her eyes and brushed away uncontrollable tears. To think that all that was shouldcome to this.
Yet when he called the same evening after visiting Short, his manner redolent of a fairly worth-whileachievement, she merely said, after listening to his explanation in as receptive a manner as she could: "Do youknow just where this is, Clyde? Can we get there on the car without much trouble, or will we have to walk a longway?" And after he had explained that it was but a little way out of Gloversville, in the suburbs really, aninterurban stop being but a quarter of a mile from the house, she had added: "Is he home at night, or will we haveto go in the daytime? It would be so much better if we could go at night. There'd be so much less danger of anyone seeing us." And being assured that he was, as Clyde had learned from Short, she went on: "But do you knowis he old or young? I'd feel so much easier and safer if he were old. I don't like young doctors. We've always hadan old doctor up home and I feel so much easier talking to some one like him."Clyde did not know. He had not thought to inquire, but to reassure7 her he ventured that he was middle-aged-whichchanced to be the fact.
The following evening the two of them departed, but separately as usual, for Fonda, where it was necessary to change cars. And once within the approximate precincts of the physician's residence, they stepped down andmade their way along a road, which in this mid-state winter weather was still covered with old and dry-packedsnow. It offered a comparatively smooth floor for their quick steps. For in these days, there was no longer thatlingering intimacy8 which formerly9 would have characterized both. In those other and so recent days, as Robertawas constantly thinking, he would have been only too glad in such a place as this, if not on such an occasion, todrag his steps, put an arm about her waist, and talk about nothing at all--the night, the work at the factory, Mr.
Liggett, his uncle, the current movies, some place they were planning to go, something they would love to dotogether if they could. But now . . . And on this particular occasion, when most of all, and if ever, she needed thefull strength of his devotion and support! Yet now, as she could see, he was most nervously10 concerned as towhether, going alone in this way, she was going to get scared and "back out"; whether she was going to think tosay the right thing at the right time and convince the doctor that he must do something for her, and for a nominalfee.
"Well, Bert, how about you? All right? You're not going to get cold feet now, are you? Gee11, I hope not becausethis is going to be a good chance to get this thing done and over with. And it isn't like you were going to someone who hadn't done anything like this before, you know, because this fellow has. I got that straight. All youhave to do now, is to say, well, you know, that you're in trouble, see, and that you don't know how you're goingto get out of it unless he'll help you in some way, because you haven't any friends here you can go to. Andbesides, as things are, you couldn't go to 'em if you wanted to. They'd tell on you, see. Then if he asks where Iam or who I am, you just say that I was a fellow here--but that I've gone--give any name you want to, but thatI've gone, and you don't know where I've gone to--run away, see. Then you'd better say, too, that you wouldn'thave come to him only that you heard of another case in which he helped some one else--that a girl told you, see.
Only you don't want to let on that you're paid much, I mean,--because if you do he may want to make the billmore than I can pay, see, unless he'll give us a few months in which to do it, or something like that, you see."Clyde was so nervous and so full of the necessity of charging Roberta with sufficient energy and courage to gothrough with this and succeed, now that he had brought her this far along with it, that he scarcely realized howinadequate and trivial, even, in so far as her predicament and the doctor's mood and temperament12 wereconcerned, his various instructions and bits of inexperienced advice were. And she on her part was not onlythinking how easy it was for him to stand back and make suggestions, while she was confronted with thenecessity of going forward, and that alone, but also that he was really thinking more of himself than he was ofher--some way to make her get herself out of it inexpensively and without any real trouble to him.
At the same time, even here and now, in spite of all this, she was still decidedly drawn14 to him--his white face, histhin hands, nervous manner. And although she knew he talked to encourage her to do what he had not thecourage or skill to do himself, she was not angry. Rather, she was merely saying to herself in this crisis thatalthough he advised so freely she was not going to pay attention to him--much. What she was going to say wasnot that she was deserted15, for that seemed too much of a disagreeable and self-incriminating remark for her tomake concerning herself, but rather that she was married and that she and her young husband were too poor tohave a baby as yet--the same story Clyde had told the druggist in Schenectady, as she recalled. For after all, whatdid he know about how she felt? And he was not going with her to make it easier for her.
Yet dominated by the purely16 feminine instinct to cling to some one for support, she now turned to Clyde, takinghold of his hands and standing17 quite still, wishing that he would hold and pet her and tell her that it was all right and that she must not be afraid. And although he no longer cared for her, now in the face of this involuntaryevidence of her former trust in him, he released both hands and putting his arms about her, the more to encourageher than anything else, observed: "Come on now, Bert. Gee, you can't act like this, you know. You don't want tolose your nerve now that we're here, do you? It won't be so hard once you get there. I know it won't. All you gotto do is to go up and ring the bell, see, and when he comes, or whoever comes, just say you want to see thedoctor alone, see. Then he'll understand it's something private and it'll be easier."He went on with more advice of the same kind, and she, realizing from his lack of spontaneous enthusiasm forher at this moment how desperate was her state, drew herself together as vigorously as she could, and saying:
"Well, wait here, then, will you? Don't go very far away, will you? I may be right back," hurried along in theshadow through the gate and up a walk which led to the front door.
In answer to her ring the door was opened by one of those exteriorly19 as well as mentally sober, small-townpractitioners who, Clyde's and Short's notion to the contrary notwithstanding, was the typical and fairlyconservative physician of the countryside--solemn, cautious, moral, semi-religious to a degree, holding someviews which he considered liberal and others which a fairly liberal person would have considered narrow andstubborn into the bargain. Yet because of the ignorance and stupidity of so many of those about him, he was ableto consider himself at least fairly learned. In constant touch with all phases of ignorance and dereliction as wellas sobriety, energy, conservatism, success and the like, he was more inclined, where fact appeared to nullify hisearly conclusion in regard to many things, to suspend judgment20 between the alleged21 claims of heaven and helland leave it there suspended and undisturbed. Physically22 he was short, stocky, bullet-headed and yetinterestingly-featured, with quick gray eyes and a pleasant mouth and smile. His short iron-gray hair was worn"bangs" fashion, a bit of rural vanity. And his arms and hands, the latter fat and pudgy, yet sensitive, hung limplyat his sides. He was fifty-eight, married, the father of three children, one of them a son already studying medicinein order to succeed to his father's practice.
After showing Roberta into a littered and commonplace waiting room and asking her to remain until he hadfinished his dinner, he presently appeared in the door of an equally commonplace inner room, or office, wherewere his desk, two chairs, some medical instruments, books and apparently23 an ante-chamber containing othermedical things, and motioned her to a chair. And because of his grayness, solidity, stolidity24, as well as an oddhabit he had of blinking his eyes, Roberta was not a little overawed, though by no means so unfavorablyimpressed as she had feared she might be. At least he was old and he seemed intelligent and conservative, if notexactly sympathetic or warm in his manner. And after looking at her curiously25 a moment, as though seeking torecognize some one of the immediate26 vicinity, he began: "Well, now who is this, please? And what can I do foryou?" His voice was low and quite reassuring--a fact for which Roberta was deeply grateful.
At the same time, startled by the fact that at last she had reached the place and the moment when, if ever, shemust say the degrading truth about herself, she merely sat there, her eyes first upon him, then upon the floor, herfingers beginning to toy with the handle of the small bag she carried.
"You see, well," she began, earnestly and nervously, her whole manner suddenly betraying the terrific strainunder which she was laboring27. "I came . . . I came . . . that is . . . I don't know whether I can tell you about myselfor not. I thought I could just before I came in, but now that I am here and I see you . . ." She paused and movedback in her chair as though to rise, at the same time that she added: "Oh, dear, how very dreadful it all is. I'm so nervous and . . .""Well, now, my dear," he resumed, pleasantly and reassuringly28, impressed by her attractive and yet soberappearance and wondering for the moment what could have upset so clean, modest and sedate-looking a girl,and hence not a little amused by her "now that I see you,"--"Just what is there about me 'now that you see me,'"he repeated after her, "that so frightens you? I am only a country doctor, you know, and I hope I'm not asdreadful as you seem to think. You can be sure that you can tell me anything you wish--anything at all aboutyourself--and you needn't be afraid. If there's anything I can do for you, I'll do it."He was decidedly pleasant, as she now thought, and yet so sober and reserved and probably conventional withalthat what she was holding in mind to tell him would probably shock him not a little--and then what? Would hedo anything for her? And if he would, how was she to arrange about money, for that certainly would be a point inconnection with all this? If only Clyde or some one were here to speak for her. And yet she must speak now thatshe was here. She could not leave without. Once more she moved and twisted, seizing nervously on a largebutton of her coat to turn between her thumb and forefinger29, and then went on chokingly.
"But this is . . . this is . . . well, something different, you know, maybe not what you think. . . . I . . . I . . .
well. . ."Again she paused, unable to proceed, shading from white to red and back as she spoke30. And because of thetroubled modesty31 of her approach, as well as a certain clarity of eye, whiteness of forehead, sobriety of mannerand dress, the doctor could scarcely bring himself to think for a moment that this was anything other than one ofthose morbid32 exhibitions of innocence33, or rather inexperience, in connection with everything relating to thehuman body--so characteristic of the young and unsophisticated in some instances. And so he was about torepeat his customary formula in such cases that all could be told to him without fear or hesitation34, whatever itmight be, when a secondary thought, based on Roberta's charm and vigor18, as well as her own thought wavesattacking his cerebral35 receptive centers, caused him to decide that he might be wrong. After all, why might notthis be another of those troublesome youthful cases in which possibly immorality36 and illegitimacy was involved.
She was so young, healthy and attractive, besides, they were always cropping up, these cases,--in connectionwith the most respectable-looking girls at times. And invariably they spelled trouble and distress37 for doctors.
And, for various reasons connected with his own temperament, which was retiring and recessive38, as well as thenature of this local social world, he disliked and hesitated to even trifle with them. They were illegal, dangerous,involved little or no pay as a rule, and the sentiment of this local world was all against them as he knew. Besideshe personally was more or less irritated by these young scamps of boys and girls who were so free to exercise thenormal functions of their natures in the first instance, but so ready to refuse the social obligations which wentwith them--marriage afterwards. And so, although in several cases in the past ten years where family and otherneighborhood and religious considerations had made it seem quite advisable, he had assisted in extricating39 fromthe consequences of their folly40 several young girls of good family who had fallen from grace and could nototherwise be rescued, still he was opposed to aiding, either by his own countenance41 or skill, any lapses42 or tanglesnot heavily sponsored by others. It was too dangerous. Ordinarily it was his custom to advise immediate andunconditional marriage. Or, where that was not possible, the perpetrator of the infamy43 having decamped, it washis general and self-consciously sanctioned practice to have nothing at all to do with the matter. It was toodangerous and ethically44 and socially wrong and criminal into the bargain.
In consequence he now looked at Roberta in an extremely sober manner. By no means, he now said to himself,must he allow himself to become emotionally or otherwise involved here. And so in order to help himself as wellas her to attain45 and maintain a balance which would permit of both extricating themselves without too muchtrouble, he drew toward him his black leather case record book and, opening it, said: "Now, let's see if we can'tfind out what the trouble is here. What is your name?""Ruth Howard. Mrs. Howard," replied Roberta nervously and tensely, at once fixing upon a name which Clydehad suggested for her use. And now, interestingly enough, at mention of the fact that she was married, hebreathed easier. But why the tears then? What reason could a young married woman have for being so intenselyshy and nervous?
"And your husband's first name?" he went on.
As simple as the question was, and as easy as it should have been to answer, Roberta nevertheless hesitatedbefore she could bring herself to say: "Gifford," her older brother's name.
"You live around her, I presume?""In Fonda.""Yes. And how old are you?""Twenty-two.""How long have you been married?"This inquiry46 being so intimately connected with the problem before her, she again hesitated before saying, "Letme see--three months."At once Dr. Glenn became dubious47 again, though he gave her no sign. Her hesitancy arrested him. Why theuncertainty? He was wondering now again whether he was dealing49 with a truthful50 girl or whether his firstsuspicions were being substantiated51. In consequence he now asked: "Well, now what seems to be the trouble,Mrs. Howard? You need have no hesitancy in telling me--none whatsoever52. I am used to such things year in andout, whatever they are. That is my business, listening to the troubles of people.""Well," began Roberta, nervously once more, this terrible confession53 drying her throat and thickening her tonguealmost, while once more she turned the same button of her coat and gazed at the floor. "It's like this . . . You see .
. . my husband hasn't much money . . . and I have to work to help out with expenses and neither of us make sovery much." (She was astonishing herself with her own shameful54 power to lie in this instance--she, who hadalways hated to lie.) "So . . . of course . . . we can't afford to . . . to have . . . well, any . . . children, you see, sosoon, anyhow, and . . ."She paused, her breath catching55, and really unable to proceed further with this wholesale56 lying.
The doctor realizing from this, as he thought, what the true problem was--that she was a newly-married girl whowas probably faced by just such a problem as she was attempting to outline--yet not wishing to enter upon anyform of malpractice and at the same time not wishing to appear too discouraging to a young couple just startingout in life, gazed at her somewhat more sympathetically, the decidedly unfortunate predicament of these youngpeople, as well as her appropriate modesty in the face of such a conventionally delicate situation, appealing tohim. It was too bad. Young people these days did have a rather hard time of it, getting started in some cases,anyhow. And they were no doubt faced by some pressing financial situations. Nearly all young people were.
Nevertheless, this business of a contraceptal operation or interference with the normal or God-arranged lifeprocesses, well, that was a ticklish58 and unnatural59 business at best which he wanted as little as possible to do with.
Besides, young, healthy people, even though poor, when they undertook marriage, knew what they were about.
And it was not impossible for them to work, the husband anyhow, and hence manage in some way.
And now straightening himself around in his chair very soberly and authoritatively60, he began: "I think Iunderstand what you want to say to me, Mrs. Howard. But I'm also wondering if you have considered what avery serious and dangerous thing it is you have in mind. But," he added, suddenly, another thought as to whetherhis own reputation in this community was in any way being tarnished61 by rumor62 of anything he had done in thepast coming to him, "just how did you happen to come to me, anyhow?"Something about the tone of his voice, the manner in which he asked the question--the caution of it as well as thepossibly impending63 resentment64 in case it should turn out that any one suspected him of a practice of this sort-causedRoberta to hesitate and to feel that any statement to the effect that she had heard of or been sent by anyone else--Clyde to the contrary notwithstanding--might be dangerous. Perhaps she had better not say that she hadbeen sent by any one. He might resent it as an insult to his character as a reputable physician. A budding instinctfor diplomacy65 helped her in this instance, and she replied: "I've noticed your sign in passing several times andI've heard different people say you were a good doctor."His uncertainty48 allayed66, he now continued: "In the first place, the thing you want done is something myconscience would not permit me to advise. I understand, of course, that you consider it necessary. You and yourhusband are both young and you probably haven't very much money to go on, and you both feel that aninterruption of this kind will be a great strain in every way. And no doubt it will be. Still, as I see it, marriage is avery sacred thing, and children are a blessing--not a curse. And when you went to the altar three months ago youwere probably not unaware67 that you might have to face just such a situation as this. All young married peopleare, I think." ("The altar," thought Roberta sadly. If only it were so.) "Now I know that the tendency of the day insome quarters is very much in this direction, I am sorry to say. There are those who feel it quite all right if theycan shirk the normal responsibilities in such cases as to perform these operations, but it's very dangerous, Mrs.
Howard, very dangerous legally and ethically as well as medically very wrong. Many women who seek to escapechildbirth die in this way. Besides it is a prison offense68 for any doctor to assist them, whether there are badconsequences or not. You know that, I suppose. At any rate, I, for one, am heartily69 opposed to this sort of thingfrom every point of view. The only excuse I have ever been able to see for it is when the life of the mother, forinstance, depends upon such an operation. Not otherwise. And in such cases the medical profession is in accord.
But in this instance I'm sure the situation isn't one which warrants anything like that. You seem to me to be astrong, healthy girl. Motherhood should hold no serious consequences for you. And as for money reasons, don'tyou really think now that if you just go ahead and have this baby, you and your husband would find means ofgetting along? You say your husband is an electrician?""Yes," replied Roberta, nervously, not a little overawed and subdued70 by his solemn moralizing.
"Well, now, there you are," he went on. "That's not such an unprofitable profession. At least all electricianscharge enough. And when you consider, as you must, how serious a thing you are thinking of doing, that you areactually planning to destroy a young life that has as good a right to its existence as you have to yours . . ." hepaused in order to let the substance of what he was saying sink in--"well, then, I think you might feel called uponto stop and consider--both you and your husband. Besides," he added, in a diplomatic and more fatherly and evenintriguing tone of voice, "I think that once you have it it will more than make up to you both for whatever littlehardship its coming will bring you. Tell me," he added curiously at this point, "does your husband know of this?
Or is this just some plan of yours to save him and yourself from too much hardship?" He almost beamedcheerfully as, fancying he had captured Roberta in some purely nervous and feminine economy as well as dread,he decided13 that if so he could easily extract her from her present mood. And she, sensing his present drift andfeeling that one lie more or less could neither help nor harm her, replied quickly: "He knows.""Well, then," he went on, slightly reduced by the fact that his surmise71 was incorrect, but none the less resolved todissuade her and him, too: "I think you two should really consider very seriously before you go further in thismatter. I know when young people first face a situation like this they always look on the darkest side of it, but itdoesn't always work out that way. I know my wife and I did with our first child. But we got along. And if youwill only stop now and talk it over, you'll see it in a different light, I'm sure. And then you won't have yourconscience to deal with afterwards, either." He ceased, feeling reasonably sure that he had dispelled72 the fear, aswell as the determination that had brought Roberta to him--that, being a sensible, ordinary wife, she would nowdesist of course--think nothing more of her plan and leave.
But instead of either acquiescing73 cheerfully or rising to go, as he thought she might, she gave him a wide-eyedterrified look and then as instantly burst into tears. For the total effect of his address had been to first revive moreclearly than ever the normal social or conventional aspect of the situation which all along she was attempting toshut out from her thoughts and which, under ordinary circumstances, assuming that she was really married, wasexactly the attitude she would have taken. But now the realization74 that her problem was not to be solved at all, bythis man at least, caused her to be seized with what might best be described as morbid panic.
Suddenly beginning to open and shut her fingers and at the same time beating her knees, while her face contorteditself with pain and terror, she exclaimed: "But you don't understand, doctor, you don't understand! I HAVE toget out of this in some way! I have to. It isn't like I told you at all. I'm not married. I haven't any husband at all.
But, oh, you don't know what this means to me. My family! My father! My mother! I can't tell you. But I mustget out of it. I must! I must! Oh, you don't know, you don't know! I must! I must!" She began to rock backwardand forward, at the same time swaying from side to side as in a trance.
And Glenn, surprised and startled by this sudden demonstration75 as well as emotionally affected76, and yet at thesame time advised thereby77 that his original surmise had been correct, and hence that Roberta had been lying, aswell as that if he wished to keep himself out of this he must now assume a firm and even heartless attitude, askedsolemnly: "You are not married, you say?"For answer now Roberta merely shook her head negatively and continued to cry. And at last gathering78 the full import of her situation, Dr. Glenn got up, his face a study of troubled and yet conservative caution and sympathy.
But without saying anything at first he merely looked at her as she wept. Later he added: "Well, well, this is toobad. I'm sorry." But fearing to commit himself in any way, he merely paused, adding after a time soothingly79 anddubiously: "You mustn't cry. That won't help you any." He then paused again, still determined80 not to haveanything to do with this case. Yet a bit curious as to the true nature of the story he finally asked: "Well, thenwhere is the young man who is the cause of your trouble? Is he here?"Still too overcome by shame and despair to speak, Roberta merely shook her head negatively.
"But he knows that you're in trouble, doesn't he?""Yes," replied Roberta faintly.
"And he won't marry you?""He's gone away.""Oh, I see. The young scamp! And don't you know where he's gone?""No," lied Roberta, weakly.
"How long has it been since he left you?""About a week now." Once more she lied.
"And you don't know where he is?""No.""How long has it been since you were sick?""Over two weeks now," sobbed81 Roberta.
"And before that you have always been regular?""Yes.""Well, in the first place," his tone was more comfortable and pleasant than before--he seemed to be snatching at aplausible excuse for extricating himself from a case which promised little other than danger and difficulty, "thismay not be as serious as you think. I know you're probably very much frightened, but it's not unusual for womento miss a period. At any rate, without an examination it wouldn't be possible to be sure, and even if you were, themost advisable thing would be to wait another two weeks. You may find then that there is nothing wrong. Iwouldn't be surprised if you did. You seem to be oversensitive and nervous and that sometimes brings aboutdelays of this kind--mere nervousness. At any rate, if you'll take my advice, whatever you do, you'll not do anything now but just go home and wait until you're really sure. For even if anything were to be done, it wouldn'tbe advisable for you to do anything before then.""But I've already taken some pills and they haven't helped me," pleaded Roberta.
"What were they?" asked Glenn interestedly, and, after he had learned, merely commented: "Oh, those. Well,they wouldn't be likely to be of any real service to you, if you were pregnant. But I still suggest that you wait,and if you find you pass your second period, then it will be time enough to act, although I earnestly advise you,even then, to do nothing if you can help it, because I consider it wrong to interfere57 with nature in this way. Itwould be much better, if you would arrange to have the child and take care of it. Then you wouldn't have theadditional sin of destroying a life upon your conscience."He was very grave and felt very righteous as he said this. But Roberta, faced by terrors which he did not appearto be able to grasp, merely exclaimed, and as dramatically as before: "But I can't do that, doctor, I tell you! Ican't. I can't! You don't understand. Oh, I don't know what I shall do unless I find some way out of this. I don't! Idon't! I don't!"She shook her head and clenched82 her fingers and rocked to and fro while Glenn, impressed by her own terrors,the pity of the folly which, as he saw it, had led her to this dreadful pass, yet professionally alienated83 by a type ofcase that spelled nothing but difficulty for him stood determinedly84 before her and added: "As I told you before,Miss--" (he paused) "Howard, if that is your name, I am seriously opposed to operations of this kind, just as I amto the folly that brings girls and young men to the point where they seem to think they are necessary. A physicianmay not interfere in a case of this kind unless he is willing to spend ten years in prison, and I think that law is fairenough. Not that I don't realize how painful your present situation appears to you. But there are always thosewho are willing to help a girl in your state, providing she doesn't wish to do something which is morally andlegally wrong. And so the very best advice I can give you now is that you do nothing at all now or at any time.
Better go home and see your parents and confess. It will be much better--much better, I assure you. Not nearly ashard as you think or as wicked as this other way. Don't forget there is a life there--a human--if it is really as youthink. A human life which you are seeking to end and that I cannot help you to do. I really cannot. There may bedoctors--I know there are--men here and there who take their professional ethics85 a little less seriously than I do;but I cannot let myself become one of them. I am sorry--very.
"So now the best I can say is--go home to your parents and tell them. It may look hard now but you are going tofeel better about it in the long run. If it will make you or them feel any better about it, let them come and talk tome. I will try and make them see that this is not the worst thing in the world, either. But as for doing what youwant--I am very, very sorry, but I cannot. My conscience will not permit me."He paused and gazed at her sympathetically, yet with a determined and concluded look in his eye. And Roberta,dumbfounded by this sudden termination of all her hopes in connection with him and realizing at last that notonly had she been misled by Clyde's information in regard to this doctor, but that her technical as well asemotional plea had failed, now walked unsteadily to the door, the terrors of the future crowding thick upon her.
And once outside in the dark, after the doctor had most courteously86 and ruefully closed the door behind her, shepaused to lean against a tree that was there--her nervous and physical strength all but failing her. He had refusedto help her. He had refused to help her. And now what?
好几个钟头，甚至好几天过去了，后来，一个星期。乃至于十天时间也都过去了，克莱德却只字未提哪儿有医生她可以去找。尽管他跟她说了那么多话，她还是不知道该去找哪一位医生。而每一天。每一个钟头，不论对他自己或者对她，同样都是莫大的威胁。她的神色和她的询问无不说明她陷入灾难该有多么深重，她有时甚至难以忍受而不免吵嚷起来。甚至克莱德也因为想不出迅速有效的方法来拯救她，急得差点儿连神经都给崩裂了。上哪儿才能找到一位医生，以便他可以打发她去，好歹也能治好她呢?
而这样的医生，他又该怎样才能打听到呢?
他把自己所认识的人都想了一遍，后来终于把他的一线希望寄托在一个名叫奥林。肖特的年轻人身上。此人在莱柯格斯开了一家"男士服饰用品商店"，顾客清一色都是本市有钱的年轻人。据克莱德揣摸，肖特在年龄和爱好上都跟他十分相似。自从克莱德来到莱柯格斯以后，凡是有关目下领饰时装方面，此人常常暗中提醒过他，因而觉得很有帮助。最近克莱德发觉，肖特这个人天性活泼，喜欢打听各种消息，善于阿谀奉承。他除了喜欢年轻姑娘们以外，对他的主顾极有礼貌，尤其是对他认为社会地位超过自己的那些人，其中克莱德也包括在内。这个肖特发现克莱德跟格里菲思家是亲戚，希望借此提高自己地位，便竭力想跟克莱德拉关系。只不过克莱德有他自己的看法，又因他那些高贵的亲戚们的态度，至少直到现在，他对这种套交情问题还没有认真考虑过。然而，不管怎么说，他觉得肖特此人很随和，也乐于助人，因此，至少也得对他保持表面上还算是融洽的关系，对此肖特似乎也很高兴。事实上，肖特待人接物还是先前的态度，殷勤周到，有时不免有点儿溜须拍马。因此，在他曾经有过泛泛之交的所有的人里头，肖特几乎是独一无二的一个人了，也许不妨向肖特打听一下，备不住能得到一些有用的消息吧。
克莱德既然从这个角度想到了他，每天早晚路过肖特店铺时，就得特别友好地点头微笑(至少前后三天都是这样)，后来，他觉得按照目前情况来看预备工作已做得差不多了，于是径直走进了他的店里。不过这头一回能不能就谈到这个危险的题目上来，他还完全没有信心。原先他打算跟肖特谈的是:
厂里有一个年轻工人，不久前才结婚，可能有生孩子的危险，但因赡养不起，就来找他打听一下哪儿可以找到一位医生帮帮她的忙。克莱德本来想加进去怪有意思的一个细节，就是:
这个年轻人穷得很，胆子又小，也不太聪明，所以不会给自己说好话，更不会照顾自己。此外还想说一说，他，克莱德，自己懂得多一些，虽然来到这里不久，无法指点这个年轻工人去找哪一位医生(这一点是他后来才想到的，目的是让肖特知道:
他自己从来不是一筹莫展的，因此也用不着别人帮忙的)，可他还是给这个年轻工人介绍过一种临时用药。不过，照他编造的故事说法，倒霉的是这种药根本不灵光。因此，就得另找一个更加靠得住的办法……就是去找个医生呗。肖特在莱柯格斯这儿时间已经很久，而且，听他自己说过，早先还是从格洛弗斯维尔迁来的。克莱德自己心里想，当然，他至少一定认识个把医生。不过，为了不让人家对他发生怀疑，克莱德还想再添上那么一句话，说原来他当然可以从他的熟人里头打听这件事，只是因为情况特殊(在他那个圈子里一提到这类事，可能会引起他们风言风语)，所以，他还是觉得不如问问象肖特这样的人，还希望他不要张扬。
刚好这一天生意做得极好，肖特心里格外高兴，谈锋甚健。看见克莱德一走进来，也许借口买一条短裤吧，便这样开了腔说:
"哦，又见到您了，很高兴，格里菲思先生。您好啊?
我心里正在想，该是您屈尊光临的时候了。我想给您看看一批货色，这是在您上回惠顾以后我又进了的一批货。格里菲思公司里情况怎么样?
"肖特的举止谈吐，一向和蔼可亲，这一回对克莱德尤其殷勤周到，因为他确实喜欢克莱德。不过克莱德此刻心里老是想着自己大胆的意图，因而显得很紧张，怎么也没法保持他平日里常常喜欢佯装的那种派头。
不过，他既然一走进店堂，好象自己的计划已经付诸实现了。这时，他就开口说:
"哦，还不错啊。没什么可抱怨的，我的事总是多得忙不完，这你也知道。
"同时，他局促不安地用手指掂掂摸模挂在可移动的镀镍架上的一些领带，但是不一会儿，肖特先生转过身来，从背后货架上取下几盒做工特别精美的领带，一一铺在玻璃柜台上，说:
"千万别看上架的那些领带，格里菲思先生。请看这儿的。我特意要给您看的，就是这些，对您来说，这价钱算不上什么。还是今儿早上刚从纽约到货。"一束领带有六条，他一连拣了好几束，一个劲儿说，是最最时髦的款式。"在莱柯格斯，见过这一类货色吗?
我敢打赌，您决没有见过。"他笑嘻嘻直瞅着克莱德，心里想:
这么一个年轻人，虽有好亲戚，但又不象别人那么有钱，真巴不得能跟他交个朋友才好。这将在莱柯格斯居民心目中抬高自己的地位。
克莱德用手指掂摸着这些领带，心想:
肖特刚才说的话完全是实话。不过，此刻他心里早已乱成一团，几乎没法照他原先设计好的那套话说出来。"当然罗，挺漂亮，"他说话时，一面把领带翻来翻去，一面心里在想，如果说换在别的时候，他倒是很乐意买的，少说也要买两条。"我看，得了吧，我就买这一条，还有这一条。"他拣好了两条，拎起来看看，心里却在捉摸，该怎样开口提出他专程而来的重要得多的那件事呢。既然他心里要问肖特的是那一件事，干吗要买什么领带呀，还得这样胡扯淡呀?
可眼前这事，又多难办……非常难办。然而，他又不得不说，只是不要说得太突如其来就得了。他不妨先看看，免得对方起了疑心……就问看看短袜子好不好。不过话又说回来，既然他什么东西都不需要，干吗又问这个呢。最近桑德拉还送过他一打手绢，几条领子。领带，还有好几双短袜子。无奈他每次决定要开口说了，肚子里便感到一阵隐痛，深怕自己说得不自然，不能令人信服。一切都是那么可疑。靠不住……备不住一下子就导致真相大白，身败名裂。也许今儿晚上他还没法向肖特开口谈呢。可是，他心里却在反躬自问:
那他多咱还有更合适的机会呢?
肖特刚去店堂后头，不一会儿又出来了，脸上露出非常殷勤，甚至阿谀奉承的笑容，开口说道:
"我看见您上星期二晚上大约九点钟光景去芬奇利府上，是吧?
他们的公馆。园子，可真漂亮。"克莱德知道肖特对自己同这儿上流社会的关系确实印象很深，从他话里听得出既是不胜仰慕，而又带了一点儿低三下四的味道。因此，克莱德马上提起精神来了，觉得:
自己既然处在这么优越地位，那就可以爱怎么说就怎么说。反正他说的每一句话，这个仰慕他的人少说也一定会洗耳恭听。他看了一下短袜子，心想就买一双吧，至少也可以打破眼前尴尬场面，于是，他接茬说:
"哦，想起来了，真的差点儿给忘了。有件事我一直老想问问你呢。说不定你可以指点指点我。我们厂里有个伙计……是一个年轻小伙子，结婚才不久……依我看，大约四个月吧……正为妻子的事非常操心呢。"他迟疑了半晌，因为他发现肖特的表情稍微有点儿变化，对自己这一回能不能成功，深表不安。不过，话儿已经说出了口，再也没法缩回去了。于是，他只好尴尬地笑了一笑，接下去说:
"真的，我可不知道，他们干吗老是带着他们的麻烦事来找我。不过，我估摸，也许他们以为这类事，我就应该全知道吧。"(他又笑了一笑)"只是因为我在这儿完全是个陌生人，简直不知道该怎么说才好。但是，我觉得，你在这儿年头比我长得多，所以，我想就不妨来问问你。"他说话时神态尽量装出满不在乎的样子，心里却明白这一招完全错了……肖特肯定把他当成一个傻瓜或是疯子哩。尽管让肖特大吃一惊的是，克莱德居然亲口对他提出了这类性质的问题，不由得感到有点儿奇怪。(这时，他也发觉克莱德举止谈吐突然显得很拘谨，还有一点儿紧张不安。)不过一想到对方如此信得过他，连这么棘手的事都告诉他，又不禁沾沾自喜了，因此，肖特就马上恢复了刚才泰然自若的态度，曲意奉承地回答说:
"哦，当然罗，只要我能为您效力，格里菲思先生，简直太高兴了。这是怎么一回事?
尽管说下去好了。""你听着，事情是这样的，"克莱德这才开了腔说，肖特这一热忱的反应，一下子使他精神为之大振。不过，他说话时还是尽量压低声音，让这个可怕的话题应有一些神不知。鬼不觉的味道。"他妻子早已过了两个月，目前他还养不起小孩，可又不知道该怎么弄掉它。上个月他头一次来找过我，我劝他不妨先试服一种药，通常这种药总是很灵的。"他这么说，是想让肖特觉得，即使碰上类似情况，就他个人来说，有的是主意和办法，因而也暗示和证明他的女朋友确实无罪。"不过嘛，依我看，他使用药品很不得法。不管怎么说，现在他为这件事很着急，要想寻摸一个乐意帮帮她忙的医生，明白了吧。偏偏这儿的医生，连我自己都不认识。毕竟是新来乍到嘛。要是在堪萨斯城或是芝加哥，"他笃悠悠地插了那么一句，"我就有的是办法了。那儿我倒是认识三四个医生。"(为了加深肖特的印象，他意味深长地笑了一笑。)"可是在这儿，就不大一样哪。要是我向我那个圈子里人去探探口气，万一传到了我亲戚那儿，他们说不定就误会了。可是我想:
也许你认识什么人，尽管告诉我就得了。老实说，这事跟我原来也毫无关系，只是因为我挺可怜这个家伙罢了。"说到这儿，他顿住了一会儿，主要是因为肖特露出有所乐意相助。深切关注的神情，他自己脸上的表情，也说明比刚才开始时更加有信心了。这时，肖特虽然还是很惊诧，却非常乐意尽力相助。
"您说现在已经过了两个月。""是的。""还有您说的那个玩意儿不灵，是吧?
""不灵。""第二个月她又用过了，是吧?
""是的。""哦，这就糟了，准定是这样。我担心她肯定很糟。格里菲思先生，您得知道，问题是我来这儿时间也并不太长。我不过一年半以前才把这铺子盘下来。
要是在格洛弗斯维尔的话……"他顿住了一会儿，好象如同克莱德一样，也在怀疑详细谈论这类事是不是聪明。不料好半晌以后，他又说:
"您知道，这类事不管到哪儿，都是很棘手的。医生总是怕惹起麻烦来。不过，说真的，有一回，我在那儿确实听到过这么一回事，是一个年轻姑娘去找一位医生……这家伙住在好几英里以外。不过，这个姑娘毕竟也是个大家闺秀出身。陪她一块去的那个年轻小伙子，在那儿几乎人人都知道。因此，这个医生愿不愿意给陌生人看病，我可就说不准了，虽然说不定他也许会愿意的。反正我知道这类事经常发生，您不妨去试试看。您要是打发这家伙去看医生，关照他不准提我的名字，也不准说是谁打发他去的。因为那儿认得我的人真不少，万一出了纰漏，我可不愿掺和在里头。反正您也明白，这是怎么一回事。"于是，克莱德便万分感激地回答说:
"哦，当然罗，这个他一定明白。我会关照他断断乎不提到任何人的名姓。"他一得知医生的名字以后，就从口袋里掏出一支铅笔和一个日记本，马上记下来，以免把这个重要人物的地址忘掉了。
肖特发觉克莱德舒了一口气，心里就纳闷，真不知道是不是确有这么一个工人，还是克莱德自己陷入了困境。他干吗非得给厂里年轻工人打听不可呢?
不管怎么说，肖特还是乐于帮助克莱德，同时又想到，要是日后他高兴把这件事一声张出去，这将是莱柯格斯全城最最精彩的新闻呀。肖特还想到，也许克莱德自己在这儿玩弄某个姑娘，使这姑娘倒了霉，要不然，克莱德乐意为别人……特别是一个工人……这样出力，也未免太傻了。他包管不会这么出力的。
不管有这么多想法，肖特还是又讲了一遍这个医生的姓及名字首字母;又讲到了他迄今能记得起来的周围环境，以及到哪一个汽车站下车;末了则把医生寓所又描述了一番。这时，克莱德方才如愿以偿，便向他道谢后往外走了。这个杂货铺掌柜虽然乐呵呵，但是有点儿怀疑地两眼直望着他的背影。他心里在思忖，瞧这些有钱的纨子弟啊。说来也真怪，这么一个家伙，居然不耻下问，还带来了好一个发噱的问题。他在这儿有那么多的熟人和朋友，肯定认识比我更快给他递点子的人。不过，说不定就是因为这样，他才害怕他们会不会听到。
真不知道他使哪一家姑娘遭到了不幸……甚至就是芬奇利府上那位年轻小姐也说不定啊。谁都难说啊。我有时常看见他和她在一块，而她又是够放荡的。不过，哦，这不就是……第三十七章克莱德这样打听到的消息让人……仅仅是部分地……舒了一口气。如今对克莱德和罗伯达两人来说，在这个问题未获得最终解决以前，根本就说不上真正的如释重负。克莱德一打听到消息后，马上赶到罗伯达那儿，说他终于了解到也许能帮助她的医生的名字。不过眼前他另有更为重要的任务，就是:
要鼓励她独自一人去见医生，并且要在医生面前说假话，完全为克莱德开脱，与此同时，还要赢得医生极大同情，因此到时候只向她收取极少一点费用。
本来克莱德一开头就担心罗伯达大概会反对，可是这一回她却马上默认了。
自从圣诞节以来，就克莱德的态度来说，已有那么多的事情让她深为惊诧，致使她心乱如麻，束手无策，只好一心希望自己尽可能安然脱身，不使这一丑行连累她或是他，然后走她自己的路……尽管这也许是很悲惨。很痛苦的事。既然他好象再也不会疼爱她，显然想要甩掉她，那末，她也就完全不想硬逼他去做他所不愿做的事。让他走好了。她就是一个人也能活下去。是的，只要她能安然渡过了这个难关，那末，她即使没有他，也能照样活下去。不过，当她在心里自言自语时，清楚地意识到这一切对她实在至关紧要，幸福的日子从此一去不复返……她便用双手捂住眼睛，擦掉她那夺眶而出的泪水。她怎会想到自己居然落到了这样的下场啊。
克莱德从肖特那儿回来后就去看她的那个晚上，他那扬扬自得的神态，仿佛建立了殊勋似的。她倾听了他解释以后只是说:
"你究竟弄清楚是在哪里呀，克莱德?
是不是坐上了汽车就到?
还是要再走一长段路?
"他便说明该地离格洛弗斯维尔不远，其实还是在近郊，公共汽车站离那医生寓所才不过四分之一英里。
她接着又说:
"他晚上是不是都在家?
还是我们非得大白天去不可?
我们要是能晚上去，那敢情好。也许就不会有被人看到的危险。"克莱德安慰她，说从肖特那里获悉，医生晚上常在家的。她就继续问道:
"可你知不知道他是上了年纪，还是年纪轻轻的?
要是他上了年纪，那我就会觉得更自然些，更靠得住。年纪轻轻的医生，我可不喜欢。我们家里常常找一位老医生，跟这种老医生说说话，我觉得一点儿拘束都没有。"这件事克莱德原来并不知道，所以当时也没有想到要问问肖特，不过，为了安慰她，便说此人是个中年人……好在这的确也跟事实不谋而合。
转天傍黑时分，他们俩就动身去方达了，不过照例是各归各走的。到了方达后，还得换车。车子开到了医生寓所附近地区，他们便下了车，沿着一条路往前走去。虽然时值冬季，天气稳定，路上还覆盖着一块块干毯似的残雪。他们走在路上，简直可以说快步似飞，因为现在他们之间再也不象过去那样如胶似漆，慢慢悠悠地溜达了。不久前罗伯达心里老在想:
要是他们一块来到象眼前这样寂静无声的地方(当然不是这一回)，他一定会很喜欢，放慢步伐，用手搂住她的腰肢，乐乐呵呵地东拉西扯，比方说，那天夜晚怎么啦，厂里的工作啦，利格特先生啦，他自己的伯父啦，最近的新电影啦，以及可能的话，他们打算要去哪个地方啦，他们俩喜欢一块干些什么啦，如此等等。可现在呢……尤其是在眼前，也许就是末一回，她特别需要得到他的全部忠诚与支持啊!
不过，她看得出，此刻他最最惶恐不安的却是:
就这样她一个人去，会不会吓坏了，"临阵脱逃"，以及到时候她能不能想到什么时候该说什么话，说服医生帮助她，而且只收极少一点费用。
"哦，伯特，觉得怎么样?
没有什么吧?
不会觉得胆怯，是吧?
啊，但愿如此，因为这是个好机会，一下子把这件事彻底解决啦。而且，这一回你去找的那个人，并不是从来都没有干过这类事的，明白了吧，过去这人干过。这一点我是知道得一清二楚的。现在你只要说，哦，明白了吧，说你碰到了麻烦，明白了吧，再说要是他不来帮你忙，你真不知道该怎样才能渡过这个难关，因为你在这儿，连一个可去投奔的朋友也都没有。再说，事实上，即使你想去投靠他们，也没法去呢。人家一下子会声张出去的，明白了吧。要是此人向你问到我在哪儿，我是何许人也，那你便说我是这儿的一个年轻人……不过我已经跑掉了……随便你说上一个某某名字得了，不过一定得说我已经跑掉了，你也不知道我上哪儿去了……是偷偷地跑掉了，明白了吧。还有，你最好说一说，原来你不会来找他的，但因为你听说他曾经帮助过某某姑娘……这是那个姑娘本人告诉你的，明白了吧。只不过你千万别说你薪水很多，我意思是说……因为，你要是这么一说，那他开出的价钱，我就出不起了，明白了吧。最好求他宽放我们几个月，分期拨还，或是采取其他类似的办法，明白了吧。"克莱德心里想，现在既然已把她领到这里，不禁万分紧张，非得拚命给罗伯达鼓劲打气，才能胜利完成既定任务。其实，他一点儿都不了解，不管对罗伯达的困境或是医生的心态脾性来说，他说给她听的各种各样忠告和一些馊主意，该是多么不起作用和不痛不痒。而罗伯达呢，她心里却在想:
他只是站在一边出出点子，这有多轻巧，可她还得一个劲儿往前走，独自一人去完成任务。
说真的，他想得更多的，还是他自己，而根本不是她……只是想怎样少花钱，不给他添麻烦，让她摆脱困境就算了。
但不管怎么说，即便在此时此地，她的心还是被他……他那白净的脸。纤巧的手，以及紧张的神态……紧紧地吸引住了。尽管她知道他硬是逼着她去做他自己没有胆量和能耐去做的事，可她还是一点儿也不生气。她只是对自己说，不管他点拨她应该如何如何，她是不会听他的……不会太多地听他的。她压根儿不想说自己被人抛弃了，因为这对她自己来说，简直太难听。太难为情了。
她将要说的是:
她是已婚妇女，她跟年轻的丈夫还太穷，暂时养不起孩子……她回想起来，这么个说法，跟克莱德向谢内克塔迪杂货铺掌柜胡编出来的恰好合辙。说穿了，他哪儿会知道此时此刻她心里有多难过?
他还不肯跟她一块去，让她心里好受些。
可是，出于很想依赖对方给予支持这种纯属女性的本能，她把身子侧向克莱德，抓住他的两只手，一声不响地伫立在那里，心里恨不得他搂住她，抚摸她，对她说一切都会好转，用不着害怕。尽管他再也不疼爱她，但在她情不自禁表示她一如既往对他信任的时候，他也就伸出自己的两只手，把她搂住，多半是给她鼓鼓气罢了。他说:
"哦，勇敢些，伯特。哦，你这么个样子可要不得，这你也明白。现在我们既然人都来了，怎么你自己就没了勇气，是吧?
只要一到了那儿……就什么都不用害怕啦。你尽管放心好了。你只要上了门廊，按一按门铃，明白了吧，见到他或是别的人出来，只要说你希望跟医生单独谈话，明白了吧。那他一下子就知道这是个人私事，接下来的事情就更容易了。
"类似这样的劝告，他还念叨了一些。她一看到他眼前对她那么缺乏热情的神态，便知道自己已经处于绝望境地，不由得鼓足劲儿说:
"那末，就在这儿等，好吧?
别走远了，好吧?
也许我马上就回来的。"说完，她就在幽暗中匆匆进了大门，沿着通往前门的小路走过去。
她按了一下门铃，出来开门的就是医生本人，一位不论从外貌或从脾性来看都很端庄审慎的小镇医生。跟克莱德和肖特的推想截然相反，此人是一个典型的。十分保守的乡村医生……严肃。谨慎。恪守道德，甚至虔信教规，尽管此人认为自己的见解相当开明，但在更为开明的人眼里却是非常狭隘。顽固。
但因为他周围的人都是那么愚蠢。无知，所以他便自以为少说也是相当有学问了。他经常接触到各色人等，既有愚昧无知。放荡不羁，也有严肃。能干。保守。发迹的等一类人，因此，凡是遇到现实好象要推翻他原先的见解时，他宁可让它悬而不决，保留据说好人进天堂。坏人下地狱的观点，作为判断现实的准绳。从外貌来看，他长得矮小壮实，脑袋圆圆的，五官也很端正，还有一双滴溜溜转的灰眼睛，讨人喜欢的嘴巴和微笑。他那一头铁灰色短发，总有一小绺覆盖在额角上……乡巴佬学时髦的样子。他的胳臂和手，特别是他的手，胖乎乎，但是很敏感，有气无力地垂在两侧。今年他五十八岁，已婚，而且有三个孩子，其中有一个是儿子，已在学医，为的是日后继承父业。
先让罗伯达进入一间乱七八糟。极其普通的候诊室，请她稍候片刻，好让他吃完晚饭。不一会儿，他走到一个小房间门口。这也是一间很普通的内室，亦即他的诊疗室，里头摆着他的办公桌。两把椅子。一些医疗器械和书籍。好象前厅还置放其他一些医药用具。他摆摆手，让她坐在一把椅子上。罗伯达一看到他满头白发，身子壮实，神态冷淡，还有他老是不断眨眼的怪相，不由得吓了一大跳，虽然决没有留下象她预料的那么不好的印象。至少他上了年纪，态度也许真的说不上很热情，或是富于同情心，虽然此人守残抱缺，但好象颇有才智。他先是怪好奇地看了她一会儿，好象要想认一认来人是不是附近乡里的人。随后，他开口问:
"哦，请问贵姓?
有什么事我能帮助你吗?
"他说话时声音挺低沉，让人听了也很宽慰……罗伯达对此深为感激。
可是，她一想到现在终于来到了此地，就得把自己的丑事如实相告，心里很害怕。她只是呆坐在那里，两眼先是瞅着他，然后俯视地板，手指开始摆弄她随身带着的那只小提包。
"知道吧，嗯，"她急切而又慌张，开口说话了，脸上突然露出她内心深处的极度痛苦。"我来……我来这儿……就是说……我不知道我自己的事对您能不能说得清清楚楚。没进来以前，我以为自己能对您说清楚的，可是，现在一到了这儿，见到了您……"她顿了一会儿，往椅子后背挪了一挪，好象要站立起来似的。猛地她又接下去说:
"哦，天哪，这一切多可怕啊。我心里多慌，而且……""得了，听我说，亲爱的，"他说话时显得很温和，使她心中得到不少宽慰。
她那动人而又端庄的模样儿，给他很深印象。这时，他又在暗自纳闷，到底是什么事，让这么一个纯洁。质朴。娴静的姑娘心里如此发慌，因此，对她所说的"现在见到了您"这句话，觉得很耐人寻味……"'
''''现在见到了我，，，"他模仿她的腔调又说了一遍，"害得你那么骇怕呀?
我只不过是一个乡村医生，明白了吧。说真的，我可希望我千万不要象你想象中那么可怕。尽管放心好了，不管什么事，只要你乐意，全都可以跟我说……有关你自己的所有事情……你一点儿也用不着害怕。要是什么地方要我帮忙，我一定办到。"罗伯达心里想，此人实在很和蔼，但又是那么严肃。审慎，也许还很保守。
她要是向他一说出了自己心里话，也许会把他吓了一跳……那怎么办呢?
他还会帮她一点忙吗?
要是他乐意的话，她又该怎么寻摸钱去呢?
当然罗，这是个很大问题。要是由克莱德或是别的什么人在这儿代她讲出来，该有多好。可现在她既然来到了这儿，那就非说不可了。她不能不说出来就走呀。她又一次挪动身子，忐忑不安地抓住自己外套上一颗大扣子，在大拇指和食指之间来回拨动，激动得声音嘶哑地说下去:
"不过，这……这……哦，可不一样，知道了吧。也许跟您所想的可不一样……我……我……哦……"她又顿住了，没法再说下去，她说话时脸色一阵白。一阵红。由于她神态羞涩不安，两眼明亮，前额白净，举止和服饰都很端庄，医生一时以为:
至多只是她对有关人体诸问题……这对一些涉世不深的年轻人来说，有时是在所难免……愚昧无知，或是缺乏经验罢了。因此，一开头，他很想把处理这类事的老套套再次搬弄一下，说不管碰上什么事，有什么就跟他讲什么，用不着犹豫害怕。可是，他一看见罗伯达是这么活泼可爱，也许是她心潮如涌，使他脑神经中枢受到了感应，于是，他转念一想，很可能自己想错了。说到底，也许这又是年轻人里头常有那类麻烦事，不外乎是不道德。不合法的行为吧。她这么年轻。健美。迷人，何况这类事已是屡见不鲜……有时出了事的，偏偏就是那些模样儿好象挺端庄的姑娘们。医生们见到她们，照例感到又头痛。又为难。
由于种种原因……一是他自己秉性喜好隐逸，二是囿于当地上流社会所持的观点看法，他不喜欢跟这类事打交道，甚至连沾一点边都得再三踌躇。这类事是违法的，危险性极大，照例赚不到多少钱，甚至连一个子儿也没有。而且，他也知道，地方舆论都是反对这类事的。再说，他本人对这一帮子年轻的无赖男女多少也有点儿生气，因为他们一开头就极其轻率地运用自己与生俱有的生理机能，随后又同样极其轻率地拒不承担由此引起的自己应负的社会责任，他们既不愿以后结婚，也不想要孩子。因此，过去十年里，虽说有过好几回，考虑到家庭。邻居，或是教规等原因，曾经帮助过好几个误入歧途。走投无路的好人家的姑娘，免受自己愚蠢行为带来的痛苦，然而，要是没有别人坚强有力的支持，对任何堕落等秽行，他还是不愿以自己的态度或技术来提供帮助的。毕竟这太危险了。通常他总劝他们马上无条件地结婚;要是办不到(因为那个伤风败俗的犯罪者逃跑了)的话，那他还是按照自以为天经地义的规矩，压根儿不沾手。
参与这类事情对于一个医生来说太危险了，因为从道德。社会观点来说这不仅是邪恶，而且还是犯罪行为。
因此，他这会儿极端镇静地望着罗伯达，自己心里在想，无论如何不能感情冲动，否则就是自寻烦恼。所以，为了有助于他自己和她心情都能保持镇静，以便他们两人结束谈话时不致引起太多的麻烦，他便把他那黑皮病历卡拿过来，打开后说:
"哦，现在就让我们瞧一瞧，毛病到底在哪儿?
请问贵姓?
""罗思。霍华德。霍华德太太，"罗伯达慌慌张张地回答说，她马上想起了克莱德劝她采用的那个名字。说
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partially
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| adv.部分地，从某些方面讲 | |
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exculpate
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| v.开脱，使无罪 | |
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nominal
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| adj.名义上的；(金额、租金)微不足道的 | |
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acquiesce
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| vi.默许，顺从，同意 | |
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extricate
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abrasive
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| adj.使表面磨损的；粗糙的；恼人的 | |
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reassure
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| v.使放心，使消除疑虑 | |
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intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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formerly
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nervously
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gee
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| n.马；int.向右！前进！，惊讶时所发声音；v.向右转 | |
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temperament
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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deserted
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purely
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standing
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vigor
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exteriorly
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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alleged
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physically
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apparently
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stolidity
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curiously
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| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
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immediate
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laboring
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reassuringly
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forefinger
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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modesty
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morbid
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| adj.病的；致病的；病态的；可怕的 | |
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innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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cerebral
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| adj.脑的，大脑的；有智力的，理智型的 | |
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immorality
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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recessive
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| adj.退行的，逆行的，后退的，隐性的 | |
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extricating
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| v.使摆脱困难，脱身( extricate的现在分词 ) | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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lapses
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| n.失误，过失( lapse的名词复数 )；小毛病；行为失检；偏离正道v.退步( lapse的第三人称单数 )；陷入；倒退；丧失 | |
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infamy
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| n.声名狼藉，出丑，恶行 | |
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ethically
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| adv.在伦理上，道德上 | |
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45
attain
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| vt.达到，获得，完成 | |
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inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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dubious
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| adj.怀疑的，无把握的；有问题的，靠不住的 | |
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uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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truthful
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| adj.真实的，说实话的，诚实的 | |
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substantiated
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| v.用事实支持（某主张、说法等），证明，证实( substantiate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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whatsoever
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| adv.（用于否定句中以加强语气）任何；pron.无论什么 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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shameful
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| adj.可耻的，不道德的 | |
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catching
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| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
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wholesale
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| n.批发；adv.以批发方式；vt.批发，成批出售 | |
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interfere
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| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
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ticklish
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| adj.怕痒的；问题棘手的；adv.怕痒地；n.怕痒，小心处理 | |
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unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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authoritatively
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| 命令式地，有权威地，可信地 | |
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tarnished
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| （通常指金属）（使）失去光泽，（使）变灰暗( tarnish的过去式和过去分词 )； 玷污，败坏 | |
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rumor
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| n.谣言，谣传，传说 | |
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impending
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| a.imminent, about to come or happen | |
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resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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diplomacy
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| n.外交；外交手腕，交际手腕 | |
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allayed
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| v.减轻，缓和( allay的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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unaware
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| a.不知道的，未意识到的 | |
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offense
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| n.犯规，违法行为；冒犯，得罪 | |
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heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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surmise
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| v./n.猜想，推测 | |
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dispelled
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| v.驱散，赶跑( dispel的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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acquiescing
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| v.默认，默许( acquiesce的现在分词 ) | |
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realization
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| n.实现；认识到，深刻了解 | |
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demonstration
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| n.表明，示范，论证，示威 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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thereby
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| adv.因此，从而 | |
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gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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soothingly
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| adv.抚慰地，安慰地；镇痛地 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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81
sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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83
alienated
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| adj.感到孤独的，不合群的v.使疏远( alienate的过去式和过去分词 )；使不友好；转让；让渡（财产等） | |
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84
determinedly
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| adv.决意地；坚决地，坚定地 | |
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85
ethics
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| n.伦理学；伦理观，道德标准 | |
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86
courteously
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| adv.有礼貌地，亲切地 | |
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