The first effect of the doctor's decision was to shock and terrify them both--Roberta and Clyde--beyond measure.
For apparently1 now here was illegitimacy and disgrace for Roberta. Exposure and destruction for Clyde. And thishad been their one solution seemingly. Then, by degrees, for Clyde at least, there was a slight lifting of the heavypall. Perhaps, after all, as the doctor had suggested--and once she had recovered her senses sufficiently2 to talk,she had told him--the end had not been reached. There was the bare possibility, as suggested by the druggist,Short and the doctor, that she might be mistaken. And this, while not producing a happy reaction in her, had theunsatisfactory result of inducing in Clyde a lethargy based more than anything else on the ever-haunting fear ofinability to cope with this situation as well as the certainty of social exposure in case he did not which causedhim, instead of struggling all the more desperately3, to defer4 further immediate5 action. For, such was his naturethat, although he realized clearly the probably tragic6 consequences if he did not act, still it was so hard to think towhom else to apply to without danger to himself. To think that the doctor had "turned her down," as he phrasedit, and that Short's advice should have been worth as little as that!
But apart from nervous thoughts as to whom to turn to next, no particular individual occurred to him before thetwo weeks were gone, or after. It was so hard to just ask anywhere. One just couldn't do it. Besides, of whomcould he ask now? Of whom? These things took time, didn't they? Yet in the meantime, the days going by, bothhe and Roberta had ample time to consider what, if any, steps they must take--the one in regard to the other--incase no medical or surgical7 solution was found. For Roberta, while urging and urging, if not so much by wordsas by expression and mood at her work, was determined8 that she must not be left to fight this out alone--shecould not be. On the other hand, as she could see, Clyde did nothing. For apart from what he had alreadyattempted to do, he was absolutely at a loss how to proceed. He had no intimates and in consequence he couldonly think of presenting the problem as an imaginary one to one individual and another here or there in the hopeof extracting some helpful information. At the same time, and as impractical10 and evasive as it may seem, therewas the call of that diverting world of which Sondra was a part, evenings and Sundays, when, in spite ofRoberta's wretched state and mood, he was called to go here and there, and did, because in so doing he wasactually relieving his own mind of the dread11 specter of disaster that was almost constantly before it. If only hecould get her out of this! If only he could. But how, without money, intimates, a more familiar understanding ofthe medical or if not that exactly, then the sub rosa world of sexual free-masonry which some at times--the bellhopsof the Green-Davidson, for instance, seemed to understand. He had written to Ratterer, of course, but therehad been no answer, since Ratterer had removed to Florida and as yet Clyde's letter had not reached him. Andlocally all those he knew best were either connected with the factory or society--individuals on the one hand tooinexperienced or dangerous, or on the other hand, too remote and dangerous, since he was not sufficientlyintimate with any of them as yet to command their true confidence and secrecy12.
At the same time he must do something--he could not just rest and drift. Assuredly Roberta could not long permithim to do that-- faced as she was by exposure. And so from time to time he actually racked himself--seized uponstraws and what would have been looked upon by most as forlorn chances. Thus, for instance, an associateforeman, chancing to reminisce one day concerning a certain girl in his department who had "gotten in trouble"and had been compelled to leave, he had been given the opportunity to inquire what he thought such a girl did in case she could not afford or did not want to have a child. But this particular foreman, being as uninformed ashimself, merely observed that she probably had to see a doctor if she knew one or "go through with it"--whichleft Clyde exactly where he was. On another occasion, in connection with a conversation in a barber shop,relating to a local case reported in The Star where a girl was suing a local ne'er-do-well for breach14 of promise,the remark was made that she would "never have sued that guy, you bet, unless she had to." Whereupon Clydeseized the opportunity to remark hopefully, "But wouldn't you think that she could find some way of getting outof trouble without marrying a fellow she didn't like?""Well, that's not so easy as you may think, particularly around here," elucidated15 the wiseacre who was trimminghis hair. "In the first place it's agin' the law. And next it takes a lotta money. An' in case you ain't got it, well,money makes the mare16 go, you know." He snip-snipped with his scissors while Clyde, confronted by his ownproblem, meditated17 on how true it was. If he had a lot of money--even a few hundred dollars--he might take itnow and possibly persuade her--who could tell--to go somewhere by herself and have an operation performed.
Yet each day, as on the one before, he was saying to himself that he must find some one. And Roberta wassaying to herself that she too must act--must not really depend on Clyde any longer if he were going to act so.
One could not trifle or compromise with a terror of this kind. It was a cruel imposition on her. It must be thatClyde did not realize how terribly this affected18 her and even him. For certainly, if he were not going to help herout of it, as he had distinctly said he would do at first, then decidedly she could not be expected to weather thesubsequent storm alone. Never, never, never! For, after all, as Roberta saw it, Clyde was a man--he had a goodposition--it was not he, but she, who was in this treacherous19 position and unable to extricate20 herself alone.
And beginning with the second day after the second period, when she discovered for once and all that her worstsuspicions were true, she not only emphasized the fact in every way that she could that she was distressedbeyond all words, but on the third day announced to him in a note that she was again going to see the doctor nearGloversville that evening, regardless of his previous refusal--so great was her need--and also asking Clydewhether he would accompany her--a request which, since he had not succeeded in doing anything, and althoughhe had an engagement with Sondra, he instantly acceded21 to--feeling it to be of greater importance than anythingelse. He must excuse himself to Sondra on the ground of work.
And accordingly this second trip was made, a long and nervous conversation between himself and Roberta on theway resulting in nothing more than some explanations as to why thus far he had not been able to achieveanything, plus certain encomiums addressed to her concerning her courage in acting9 for herself in this way.
Yet the doctor again would not and did not act. After waiting nearly an hour for his return from somewhere, shewas merely permitted to tell him of her unchanged state and her destroying fears in regard to herself, but with nohint from him that he could be induced to act as indeed he could act. It was against his prejudices and ethics22.
And so once more Roberta returned, this time not crying, actually too sad to cry, choked with the weight of herimpending danger and the anticipatory23 fears and miseries24 that attended it.
And Clyde, hearing of this defeat, was at last reduced to a nervous, gloomy silence, absolutely devoid25 of ahelpful suggestion. He could not think what to say and was chiefly fearful lest Roberta now make some demandwith which socially or economically he could not comply. However, in regard to this she said little on the way home. Instead she sat and stared out of the window--thinking of her defenseless predicament that was becomingmore real and terrible to her hourly. By way of excuse she pleaded that she had a headache. She wanted to bealone--only to think more--to try to work out a solution. She must work out some way. That she knew. But what?
How? What could she do? How could she possibly escape? She felt like a cornered animal fighting for its lifewith all odds26 against it, and she thought of a thousand remote and entirely27 impossible avenues of escape, only toreturn to the one and only safe and sound solution that she really felt should be possible--and that was marriage.
And why not? Hadn't she given him all, and that against her better judgment28? Hadn't he overpersuaded her? Whowas he anyway to so cast her aside? For decidedly at times, and especially since this latest crisis had developed,his manner, because of Sondra and the Griffiths and what he felt to be the fatal effect of all this on his dreamshere, was sufficient to make plain that love was decidedly dead, and that he was not thinking nearly so much ofthe meaning of her state to her, as he was of its import to him, the injury that was most certain to accrue29 to him.
And when this did not completely terrify her, as mostly it did, it served to irritate and slowly develop theconclusion that in such a desperate state as this, she was justified30 in asking more than ordinarily she would havedreamed of asking, marriage itself, since there was no other door. And why not? Wasn't her life as good as his?
And hadn't he joined his to hers, voluntarily? Then, why shouldn't he strive to help her now--or, failing that,make this final sacrifice which was the only one by which she could be rescued apparently. For who were all thesociety people with whom he was concerned anyhow? And why should he ask her in such a crisis to sacrificeherself, her future and good name, just because of his interest in them? They had never done anything very muchfor him, certainly not as much as had she. And, just because he was wearying now, after persuading her to do hisbidding--was that any reason why now, in this crisis, he should be permitted to desert her? After all, wouldn't allof these society people in whom he was so much interested feel that whatever his relationship to them, she wouldbe justified in taking the course which she might be compelled to take?
She brooded on this much, more especially on the return from this second attempt to induce Dr. Glenn to helpher. In fact, at moments, her face took on a defiant31, determined look which was seemingly new to her, but whichonly developed suddenly under such pressure. Her jaw32 became a trifle set. She had made a decision. He wouldhave to marry her. She must make him if there were no other way out of this. She must--she must. Think of herhome, her mother, Grace Marr, the Newtons, all who knew her in fact--the terror and pain and shame with whichthis would sear all those in any way identified with her--her father, brothers, sisters. Impossible! Impossible! Itmust not and could not be! Impossible. It might seem a little severe to her, even now, to have to insist on this,considering all the emphasis Clyde had hitherto laid upon his prospects33 here. But how, how else was she to do?
Accordingly the next day, and not a little to his surprise, since for so many hours the night before they had beentogether, Clyde received another note telling him that he must come again that night. She had something to say tohim, and there was something in the tone of the note that seemed to indicate or suggest a kind of defiance34 of arefusal of any kind, hitherto absent in any of her communications to him. And at once the thought that thissituation, unless cleared away, was certain to prove disastrous35, so weighed upon him that he could not but put thebest face possible on it and consent to go and hear what it was that she had to offer in the way of a solution--or-onthe other hand, of what she had to complain.
Going to her room at a late hour, he found her in what seemed to him a more composed frame of mind than atany time since this difficulty had appeared, a state which surprised him a little, since he had expected to find herin tears. But now, if anything, she appeared more complacent36, her nervous thoughts as to how to bring about asatisfactory conclusion for herself having called into play a native shrewdness which was now seeking to exercise itself.
And so directly before announcing what was in her mind, she began by asking: "You haven't found out aboutanother doctor, have you, Clyde, or thought of anything?""No, I haven't, Bert," he replied most dismally37 and wearisomely, his own mental tether-length having beenstrained to the breaking point. "I've been trying to, as you know, but it's so darn hard to find any one who isn'tafraid to monkey with a case like this. Honest, to tell the truth, Bert, I'm about stumped38. I don't know what weare going to do unless you can think of something. You haven't thought or heard of any one else you could go to,have you?" For, during the conversation that had immediately followed her first visit to the doctor, he had hintedto her that by striking up a fairly intimate relationship with one of the foreign family girls, she might by degreesextract some information there which would be of use to both. But Roberta was not of a temperament39 thatpermitted of any such facile friendships, and nothing had come of it.
However, his stating that he was "stumped" now gave her the opportunity she was really desiring, to present theproposition which she felt to be unavoidable and not longer to be delayed. Yet being fearful of how Clyde wouldreact, she hesitated as to the form in which she would present it, and, after shaking her head and manifesting anervousness which was real enough, she finally said: "Well, I'll tell you, Clyde. I've been thinking about it and Idon't see any way out of it unless--unless you, well, marry me. It's two months now, you know, and unless we getmarried right away, everybody'll know, won't they?"Her manner as she said this was a mixture of outward courage born out of her conviction that she was in the rightand an inward uncertainty40 about Clyde's attitude, which was all the more fused by a sudden look of surprise,resentment, uncertainty and fear that now transformation-wise played over his countenance41; a variation and playwhich, if it indicated anything definite, indicated that she was seeking to inflict42 an unwarranted injury on him.
For since he had been drawing closer and closer to Sondra, his hopes had heightened so intensely that,hearkening to this demand on the part of Roberta now, his brow wrinkled and his manner changed from one ofcomparatively affable, if nervous, consideration to that of mingled43 fear, opposition44 as well as determination toevade drastic consequence. For this would spell complete ruin for him, the loss of Sondra, his job, his socialhopes and ambitions in connection with the Griffiths--all--a thought which sickened and at the same time causedhim to hesitate about how to proceed. But he would not! he would not! He would not do this! Never! Never!!
Never!!!
Yet after a moment he exclaimed equivocally: "Well, gee45, that's all right, too, Bert, for you, because that fixeseverything without any trouble at all. But what about me? You don't want to forget that that isn't going to be easyfor me, the way things are now. You know I haven't any money. All I have is my job. And besides, the familydon't know anything about you yet--not a thing. And if it should suddenly come out now that we've been goingtogether all this time, and that this has happened, and that I was going to have to get married right away, well,gee, they'll know I've been fooling 'em and they're sure to get sore. And then what? They might even fire me."He paused to see what effect this explanation would have, but noting the somewhat dubious46 expression which oflate characterized Roberta's face whenever he began excusing himself, he added hopefully and evasively, seekingby any trick that he could to delay this sudden issue: "Besides, I'm not so sure that I can't find a doctor yet, either.
I haven't had much luck so far, but that's not saying that I won't. And there's a little time yet, isn't there? Sure there is. It's all right up to three months anyway." (He had since had a letter from Ratterer who had commentedon this fact.) "And I did hear something the other day of a doctor over in Albany who might do it. Anyway, Ithought I'd go over and see before I said anything about him."His manner, when he said this, was so equivocal that Roberta could tell he was merely lying to gain time. Therewas no doctor in Albany. Besides it was so plain that he resented her suggestion and was only thinking of someway of escaping it. And she knew well enough that at no time had he said directly that he would marry her. Andwhile she might urge, in the last analysis she could not force him to do anything. He might just go away alone, ashe had once said in connection with inadvertently losing his job because of her. And how much greater might nothis impulse in that direction now be, if this world here in which he was so much interested were taken away fromhim, and he were to face the necessity of taking her and a child, too. It made her more cautious and caused her tomodify her first impulse to speak out definitely and forcefully, however great her necessity might be. And sodisturbed was he by the panorama47 of the bright world of which Sondra was the center and which was now atstake, that he could scarcely think clearly. Should he lose all this for such a world as he and Roberta couldprovide for themselves--a small home--a baby, such a routine work-a-day life as taking care of her and a babyon such a salary as he could earn, and from which most likely he would never again be freed! God! A sense ofnausea seized him. He could not and would not do this. And yet, as he now saw, all his dreams could be so easilytumbled about his ears by her and because of one false step on his part. It made him cautious and for the firsttime in his life caused tact48 and cunning to visualize49 itself as a profound necessity.
And at the same time, Clyde was sensing inwardly and somewhat shamefacedly all of this profound change inhimself.
But Roberta was saying: "Oh, I know, Clyde, but you yourself said just now that you were stumped, didn't you?
And every day that goes by just makes it so much the worse for me, if we're not going to be able to get a doctor.
You can't get married and have a child born within a few months--you know that. Every one in the world wouldknow. Besides I have myself to consider as well as you, you know. And the baby, too." (At the mere13 mention ofa coming child Clyde winced50 and recoiled51 as though he had been slapped. She noted52 it.) "I just must do one oftwo things right away, Clyde--get married or get out of this and you don't seem to be able to get me out of it, doyou? If you're so afraid of what your uncle might think or do in case we get married," she added nervously53 andyet suavely54, "why couldn't we get married right away and then keep it a secret for a while--as long as we could,or as long as you thought we ought to," she added shrewdly. "Meanwhile I could go home and tell my parentsabout it--that I am married, but that it must be kept a secret for a while. Then when the time came, when thingsgot so bad that we couldn't stay here any longer without telling, why we could either go away somewhere, if wewanted to--that is, if you didn't want your uncle to know, or we could just announce that we were married sometime ago. Lots of young couples do that nowadays. And as for getting along," she went on, noting a sudden dourshadow that passed over Clyde's face like a cloud, "why we could always find something to do--I know I could,anyhow, once the baby is born."When first she began to speak, Clyde had seated himself on the edge of the bed, listening nervously anddubiously to all she had to offer. However, when she came to that part which related to marriage and going away,he got up--an irresistible55 impulse to move overcoming him. And when she concluded with the commonplacesuggestion of going to work as soon as the baby was born, he looked at her with little less than panic in his eyes.
To think of marrying and being in a position where it would be necessary to do that, when with a little luck and without interference from her, he might marry Sondra.
"Oh, yes, that's all right for you, Bert. That fixes everything up for you, but how about me? Why, gee whiz, I'veonly got started here now as it is, and if I have to pack up and get out, and I would have to, if ever they found outabout this, why I don't know what I'd do. I haven't any business or trade that I could turn my hand to. It might gohard with both of us. Besides my uncle gave me this chance because I begged him to, and if I walked off now henever would do anything for me."In his excitement he was forgetting that at one time and another in the past he had indicated to Roberta that thestate of his own parents was not wholly unprosperous and that if things did not go just to his liking56 here, he couldreturn west and perhaps find something to do out there. And it was some general recollection of this that nowcaused her to ask: "Couldn't we go out to Denver or something like that? Wouldn't your father be willing to helpyou get something for a time, anyhow?"Her tone was very soft and pleading, an attempt to make Clyde feel that things could not be as bad as he wasimagining. But the mere mention of his father in connection with all this--the assumption that he, of all people,might prove an escape from drudgery57 for them both, was a little too much. It showed how dreadfully incompletewas her understanding of his true position in this world. Worse, she was looking for help from that quarter. And,not finding it, later might possibly reproach him for that--who could tell--for his lies in connection with it. Itmade so very clear now the necessity for frustrating58, if possible, and that at once, any tendency toward this ideaof marriage. It could not be-- ever.
And yet how was he to oppose this idea with safety, since she felt that she had this claim on him--how say to heropenly and coldly that he could not and would not marry her? And unless he did so now she might think it wouldbe fair and legitimate59 enough for her to compel him to do so. She might even feel privileged to go to his uncle-hiscousin (he could see Gilbert's cold eyes) and expose him! And then destruction! Ruin! The end of all hisdreams in connection with Sondra and everything else here. But all he could think of saying now was: "But Ican't do this, Bert, not now, anyway," a remark which at once caused Roberta to assume that the idea ofmarriage, as she had interjected it here, was not one which, under the circumstances, he had the courage tooppose--his saying, "not now, anyway." Yet even as she was thinking this, he went swiftly on with: "Besides Idon't want to get married so soon. It means too much to me at this time. In the first place I'm not old enough andI haven't got anything to get married on. And I can't leave here. I couldn't do half as well anywhere else. Youdon't realize what this chance means to me. My father's all right, but he couldn't do what my uncle could and hewouldn't. You don't know or you wouldn't ask me to do this."He paused, his face a picture of puzzled fear and opposition. He was not unlike a harried60 animal, deftly61 pursuedby hunter and hound. But Roberta, imagining that his total defection had been caused by the social side ofLycurgus as opposed to her own low state and not because of the superior lure62 of any particular girl, now retortedresentfully, although she desired not to appear so: "Oh, yes, I know well enough why you can't leave. It isn't yourposition here, though, half as much as it is those society people you are always running around with. I know.
You don't care for me any more, Clyde, that's it, and you don't want to give these other people up for me. I knowthat's it and nothing else. But just the same it wasn't so very long ago that you did, although you don't seem toremember it now." Her cheeks burned and her eyes flamed as she said this. She paused a moment while he gazedat her wondering about the outcome of all this. "But you can't leave me to make out any way I can, just the same, because I won't be left this way, Clyde. I can't! I can't! I tell you." She grew tense and staccato, "It means toomuch to me. I don't know how to do alone and I, besides, have no one to turn to but you and you must help me.
I've got to get out of this, that's all, Clyde, I've got to. I'm not going to be left to face my people and everybodywithout any help or marriage or anything." As she said this, her eyes turned appealingly and yet savagely63 towardhim and she emphasized it all with her hands, which she clinched64 and unclinched in a dramatic way. "And if youcan't help me out in the way you thought," she went on most agonizedly as Clyde could see, "then you've got tohelp me out in this other, that's all. At least until I can do for myself I just won't be left. I don't ask you to marryme forever," she now added, the thought that if by presenting this demand in some modified form, she couldinduce Clyde to marry her, it might be possible afterwards that his feeling toward her would change to a muchmore kindly65 one. "You can leave me after a while if you want to. After I'm out of this. I can't prevent you fromdoing that and I wouldn't want to if I could. But you can't leave me now. You can't. You can't! Besides," sheadded, "I didn't want to get myself in this position and I wouldn't have, but for you. But you made me and mademe let you come in here. And now you want to leave me to shift for myself, just because you think you won't beable to go in society any more, if they find out about me."She paused, the strain of this contest proving almost too much for her tired nerves. At the same time she began tosob nervously and yet not violently--a marked effort at self-restraint and recovery marking her every gesture.
And after a moment or two in which both stood there, he gazing dumbly and wondering what else he was to sayin answer to all this, she struggling and finally managing to recover her poise66, she added: "Oh, what is it aboutme that's so different to what I was a couple of months ago, Clyde? Will you tell me that? I'd like to know. Whatis it that has caused you to change so? Up to Christmas, almost, you were as nice to me as any human beingcould be. You were with me nearly all the time you had, and since then I've scarcely had an evening that I didn'tbeg for. Who is it? What is it? Some other girl, or what, I'd like to know--that Sondra Finchley or BertineCranston, or who?"Her eyes as she said this were a study. For even to this hour, as Clyde could now see to his satisfaction, since hefeared the effect on Roberta of definite and absolute knowledge concerning Sondra, she had no specificsuspicion, let alone positive knowledge concerning any girl. And coward-wise, in the face of her presentpredicament and her assumed and threatened claims on him, he was afraid to say what or who the real cause ofthis change was. Instead he merely replied and almost unmoved by her sorrow, since he no longer really caredfor her: "Oh, you're all wrong, Bert. You don't see what the trouble is. It's my future here--if I leave here Icertainly will never find such an opportunity. And if I have to marry in this way or leave here it will all goflooey. I want to wait and get some place first before I marry, see--save some money and if I do this I won't havea chance and you won't either," he added feebly, forgetting for the moment that up to this time he had beenindicating rather clearly that he did not want to have anything more to do with her in any way.
"Besides," he continued, "if you could only find some one, or if you would go away by yourself somewhere for awhile, Bert, and go through with this alone, I could send you the money to do it on, I know. I could have itbetween now and the time you had to go."His face, as he said this, and as Roberta clearly saw, mirrored the complete and resourceless collapse67 of all hisrecent plans in regard to her. And she, realizing that his indifference68 to her had reached the point where he couldthus dispose of her and their prospective69 baby in this casual and really heartless manner, was not only angered inpart, but at the same time frightened by the meaning of it all.
"Oh, Clyde," she now exclaimed boldly and with more courage and defiance than at any time since she hadknown him, "how you have changed! And how hard you can be. To want me to go off all by myself and just tosave you--so you can stay here and get along and marry some one here when I am out of the way and you don'thave to bother about me any more. Well, I won't do it. It's not fair. And I won't, that's all. I won't. And that's allthere is to it. You can get some one to get me out of this or you can marry me and come away with me, at leastlong enough for me to have the baby and place myself right before my people and every one else that knows me.
I don't care if you leave me afterwards, because I see now that you really don't care for me any more, and if that'sthe way you feel, I don't want you any more than you want me. But just the same, you must help me now--youmust. But, oh, dear," she began whimpering again, and yet only slightly and bitterly. "To think that all our lovefor each other should have come to this--that I am asked to go away by myself--all alone--with no one--whileyou stay here, oh, dear! oh, dear! And with a baby on my hands afterwards. And no husband."She clinched her hands and shook her head bleakly70. Clyde, realizing well enough that his proposition certainlywas cold and indifferent but, in the face of his intense desire for Sondra, the best or at least safest that he coulddevise, now stood there unable for the moment to think of anything more to say.
And although there was some other discussion to the same effect, the conclusion of this very difficult hour wasthat Clyde had another week or two at best in which to see if he could find a physician or any one who wouldassist him. After that--well after that the implied, if not openly expressed, threat which lay at the bottom of thiswas, unless so extricated71 and speedily, that he would have to marry her, if not permanently72, then at leasttemporarily, but legally just the same, until once again she was able to look after herself--a threat which was ascrushing and humiliating to Roberta as it was torturing to him.
医生拒绝帮助这一决定，首先使他们俩……罗伯达和克莱德……大吃一惊，甚至感到无比惶恐。如今，事情已明摆着:
生下了私生子，将使罗伯达声名狼藉，而这丑闻一被揭发，克莱德必将落得个身败名裂。看来除此以外，已无别的出路。可是，至少克莱德觉得:
那阴沉沉的棺罩好象已在逐渐向上揭开。说到底，也许正如医生所说的……事情还没有到山穷水尽的境地……这是她神志清醒过来以后跟他念叨过的。杂货铺掌柜，还有肖特和格伦医生也都说起过……完全有可能是罗伯达自己弄错了。这个说法尽管安慰不了她，但它所产生的不良后果，就是使克莱德越发沮丧。冷漠。这首先是因为他实在无力解决这一难题而时时感到惧怕，同时又唯恐一旦真相被揭露，那他必定是身败名裂。因此，他并不是全力以赴去解决问题，而只是一再延宕，迟迟不动。因为这是他的天性使然。尽管他也知道，如果他不马上想办法，就很可能有悲惨的结果，可是，要再次四出找人而又不使自己碰上危险，他觉得简直太伤脑筋了。想想吧，用他的话来说，医生已"拒绝她了"，而肖特的话居然如此不管用!
又是两个星期就这样过去了，克莱德只是在绞尽脑汁，想现在又该去找谁，实际上他连一个都没有想出来。向人家打听，可真难开口呀。压根儿办不到。
再说，叫他向谁打听呢?
是的，向谁打听呢?
这类事就得花时间，可不是吗?
但是，日子一天天过去，他和罗伯达两人都有充裕时间可以考虑……万一医药或手术解决不了罗伯达的问题……他们又该采取什么措施，甚至他们每人都可以向对方提出一些要求来。罗伯达一个劲儿不断地紧催他，如果说不是口头上催，至少也是通过上班时她那脸上的表情紧催不迭。她已下了决心，在这场搏斗中自己决不能就这样孤零零地被抛弃了……她怎么也不甘心呀。可另一方面，她也看得清清楚楚，克莱德什么事都没有做。除了一开头他做过的那些事以外，他压根儿不知道再下一步怎么办。知己朋友他一个也没有。因此，他只好把这个难题当做假想中的问题，一会儿跟这些人聊聊，一会儿又跟那些人谈谈，希望寻摸到一些有用的消息。与此同时，尽管听起来不太现实，不可捉摸，那就是桑德拉置身其中的快乐世界照旧在向他招唤。每到夜晚和星期天，尽管罗伯达处境那么可怜，心情那么绝望，只要有人邀他，他还是照样东奔西跑，乐此不疲，于是，几乎经常浮现在他眼前的。骇人的灾祸的幽灵，他也就可以暂时忘却了。要是他能摆脱困境该有多好!
要是他能做得到，该有多好。可是，怎么办呢，没有钱，没有亲友，医学界又不熟悉，或是不说医学界吧，对那个乱搞两性关系的那帮子人的秘密世界也不懂……有些人，比方说格林－戴维逊大酒店里的侍应生，有时好象懂得一些。当然罗，他已给拉特勒写过信了，但并没有收到回信，因为拉特勒早已迁居佛罗里达，克莱德的信还没有转到他手里。至于本地人，凡是他熟悉的，不是跟厂里有关系，就是同上流社会有来往……他们这些人，从一方面来说，太缺乏经验而太危险，从另一方面来说，又可以说是太疏远而太危险。因为他跟他们里头哪一个人都说不上很近乎，所以还得不到他们完全信任，愿为他保守秘密。
然而，他非得想出个什么办法来不可……他可不能听任不管，随它去。当然，罗伯达不会允许他长时间不采取对策……要知道她的窘境随时都有可能被揭露出来。于是，他真的马上开动脑筋，如同捞救命稻草似的抓住所有一切哪怕是众人都认为绝无希望的机会。比方说，有一回，他厂里的一个同事领班无意中谈到，他那个班组里有一个姑娘"未婚有了身孕"，厂里逼她离厂。克莱德就趁机问这个同事，要是这个姑娘养不起小孩，或是不愿意生小孩，那末，依他看，她该怎么办呢。偏巧这个领班跟他一样毫无经验，只是说，她要是认识哪个医生，也许就得去找医生，要不然还得"硬挺着到底"……因此，克莱德还是没有摸到底。还有一回，是在一家理发馆里谈到《星报》上刊登的一条本市新闻，说有个姑娘正控告本地一个浪荡子原先答应结婚，现在却不履行诺言。有人说，她"除非万不得已，当然，决不会控告这个家伙的"。克莱德立刻抓住这一机会，满怀希望说:
"不过，依你看，她能不能想个办法让她摆脱困境，而不会嫁给一个她所不喜欢的人?
""哦，这事可不象你想象那么容易，特别是在我们这儿，"正在给他理发的那个自作聪明的家伙开了腔说。"第一，这是违法的;第二，这可得花很多钱。你要是没有钱，得了，当然罗，有钱好使鬼推磨嘛。"理发师正用剪子给他修剪头发，心事重重的克莱德却在暗自思忖，刚才这话说得多实在。他要是有很多钱……哪怕几百块钱吧……谁知道，也许就可以说服罗伯达……让她自个儿上某个地方去动手术。
可是每天他还是象上一天那样对自己说，非得寻摸到一个医生不可。而罗伯达则对自己说，也非得自己想想办法不可……要是克莱德依然这样一味延宕下去，她再也不能指望他了。这种吓人的事，既不能开玩笑，也不能随便让步呀。这是硬要她接受的一种无情哄骗啊。显然，克莱德还没有认识到:
这将对她，甚至对他，产生多么可怕的后果。要是他不帮助她……而他一开头就清清楚楚答应过要帮助她的……那就别指望她独自一人能顶住这场即将来临的暴风雨。
那是绝对顶不住，绝对顶不住，绝对顶不住!
因为在罗伯达心目中，克莱德毕竟是个男子汉……地位也挺不错……但现在陷入困境，无力挣脱出来的是她，而不是他。
第二次经期过去之后的第二天，她终于确信自己最担心的事，已是千真万确的了。她不仅想尽各种办法，竭力向克莱德表明她内心痛苦决不是言语所能形容，而且在第三天，她还写了个便条给他，说她当天晚上再去看格洛弗斯维尔附近那个医生，不管前一次医生已表示过拒绝……她实在太需要帮助……并且问克莱德能不能陪她一块去……这一请求，由于他什么事都没做成，虽说他跟桑德拉还有约会，可他却马上答应了……他觉得这事可比什么都要来得重要。
他就只好向桑德拉推托说有工作，尽量给自己开脱。
他们就这样第二次又动身了。一路上，他跟罗伯达作了长时间很紧张但是毫无成果的谈话，无非是解释一下，为什么直至今日，他还没有办出什么名堂来，此外只说了一些恭维话，夸她这一回干得很有魄力。
然而医生照旧不肯帮忙，当然也就毫无结果。她差不多等了个把钟头，等他从别处回来，只是把自己依然不见好转以及内心极度恐惧告诉了他。他听了以后，一点儿都没作出表示，尽管她提出的请求他当然是完全可以办到的。这是有违他的偏见和道德标准。
罗伯达又回来了，这回没有哭，说真的，太伤心了，连哭都哭不出来了。
即将临头的灾难，以及随之而来的恐惧和不幸，几乎压得她透不过气来。
克莱德一听到她碰壁而归，心里由于慌乱。忧郁而缄口无言，甚至也不想向罗伯达表示哪怕是一丁点儿安慰。他简直不知道该说些什么好。他心里最害怕的是:
罗伯达会向他提出的一些要求，他出于社会地位或经济原因实在无法承诺。不过，关于这一点，她在回家路上几乎只字不提。相反，她只是纹丝不动地坐在那里，两眼凝望着窗外……心里在想:
她的困境越来越难熬，使她感到更加骇怕，而她自己却无力进行防护。为此，她借口推说自己头痛。她巴不得独自一人……让她再好好地想一想……想出个解决办法来。她非得想出个办法来不可。这她知道得再清楚也没有了。不过，这是个什么办法呢?
又怎么个想呢?
她又能做些什么呢?
她怎样才能摆脱得了呢?
她觉得自己有如一头陷入重围的困兽，以寡敌众，为了活命而进行垂死搏斗。她想到过成千种可能性极少。完全实现不了的脱身之计，每次最后还是回到了唯一稳妥可靠。她也觉得切实可行的解决办法，这就是……结婚。为什么不可以呢?
不是她什么都给了他，而且是在违背她自己意愿和信念的情况下这么做的吗?
不是他硬逼着她答应了吗?
最后就这样把她扔在一边，他究竟是个什么东西?
有的时候，特别是最近灾难临头以后，克莱德觉得好象这一切对他与桑德拉和格里菲思家紧密相连的美梦是个致命的打击，所以，他就通过自己的举止言谈，让罗伯达不能不明白无误地懂得:
爱情肯定完蛋了;至于他之所以还关注她今天的困境，不是为她着想，而是考虑这一切对自己的影响，以及必然使他受到连累。他这种态度，先是一直让她感到无比骇怕，到后来她并不怎么骇怕时，又引起她极大的反感，最后就逐渐归纳成这么一个结论:
她既然已陷入绝境，就可以理所当然提出她平日里连梦中也不敢提出的要求……结婚，因为除此以外，再也没有别的出路了。为什么不可以提出呢?
难道说她的生命不是和他的同样宝贵吗?
难道说他不是自愿要跟她结合吗?
那末，为什么现在他还不应该全力以赴帮助她呢……如果连这个也做不到，为什么他不应该作出最后一次牺牲呢……显然，这是搭救她的唯一办法了。说到底，所有这些与他有关系的上流社会里头的人究竟都是些什么人呀?
为什么仅仅因为他对他们感到兴趣他就可以在这样的关键时刻要求她牺牲她自己，牺牲她的前途，牺牲她的好名声?
他们从来没有为他作出过多大牺牲，当然远远比不上她为他所作出的牺牲。当初是他硬要她屈从了他，可现在他厌倦了……难道说在这危难关头就可以听任他随便把她遗弃了吗?
归根到底，尽管他对所有这些上流社会里的人物非常感兴趣，难道他们不是也会认为，不管他跟他们之间有什么样的关系，现在她不得不采取的行动是完全正当的吗?
她心里对这件事想过好多，特别是在第二次向格伦医生求救未成回来以后。
事实上，她脸上有时露出一种过去似乎从未有过，只在万不得已时才突然迸发的坚决挑战的神色。她咬紧牙关，狠下了决心。他非得娶她不可。要是没有别的出路，她就得逼他跟自己结婚。她非得逼他不可……她非得逼他不可。只要想一想她自己的家。她的母亲。格雷斯。玛尔。牛顿夫妇，以及所有认识她的人……想一想那种恐怖。痛苦和耻辱，足以使她所有的亲属……她的父亲。兄弟和妹妹都为之心肝俱裂。这可要不得!
这可要不得!
绝对不应该这样，也决不可能这样!
这可要不得。克莱德一直对自己前程看得特别重要，因此，即便现在她觉得要坚持下去似乎也有些困难。但是，除此以外，叫她怎么办?
怎么办?
于是，第二天，克莱德又收到一张便条，要他当天晚上务必再去罗伯达那里。(他觉得大吃一惊，因为昨天整整一夜晚他们就是在一起度过的。)她有话要对他说，而且，她信里还有一种好象在向他表示挑战或是要挟的口气，这在她过去写给他的信里是从来没有的。他顿时惊恐地想到，这种新的情绪，如果不及时把它驱散的话，将来对他会构成很大危险。这时虽然他心事重重，但他还是不得不装出和颜悦色的样子，答应去看她，听听她提出的解决办法是什么……或者听听她不得不诉说哪些苦处。
克莱德很晚才来到她房间，发觉她好象比出事以来任何时候都要镇静得多。
这反而使他大为惊诧，因为原来他想她一定是两眼噙满了泪水。但是如今，看来她相当扬扬自得。因为就在她心慌意乱地思索与寻找圆满出路这一过程中，她那天生的聪明劲儿却觉醒了，并在此刻发挥了很大作用。
她在直率地陈述自己心里的打算以前先开口问:
"克莱德，你还没有寻摸到别的医生，或是想出了别的什么办法，是吧?
""不，我还没有呢，伯特，"他非常沮丧。非常慵倦地回答说，他的脑瓜儿已经紧张得几乎快要破裂了。"你知道，我一直在动脑筋，可是，要找到一个不怕管这等闲事的人，真的难死了。凭良心说，伯特，说真的，我几乎走投无路了。
除非你想出个办法来，我真不知道我们该怎么办。难道你就没有想过，或是听说过可以去找找别人吗?
"因为还在她头一次去看医生以后，克莱德在言谈中就向她暗示过，只要跟哪一个外国移民姑娘套近乎，也许她慢慢地就可探听到一些对他们俩都很有用的消息。殊不知罗伯达不是那种性格的人，一下子就能跟外国移民姑娘打得火热，因此后来一点儿结果也没有。
不过，刚才他所说的"走投无路"，恰好给了她一个真的求之不得的机会，让她把自己的建议摊开来了。她觉得这是不可避免，而且再也不能拖延下去了。
但她担心克莱德对此会作出什么反应，因此，对于如何字斟句酌地提出来，倒是颇费踌躇。后来，她摇了摇头，显露出自己确实心乱如麻，终于说了出来:
"哦，现在我就跟你说，克莱德。我心里一直在琢磨这件事，我看不出还对什么别的出路，除非……除非，你，嗯，娶了我就得了。现在两个月已经过去了，这你自己也知道。要是我们不马上结婚，这一切人家都会知道，可不是吗?
"她说这话时，从她的举止谈吐可以看出是两种心态的混合物，一方面是由于她深信自己是对的，因而外表上看来非常气壮似的，另一方面却是她心里忐忑不安，真不知道克莱德对此将表示怎样的态度。这时，他脸上突然露出惊诧。
恼怒。疑惑和惧怕的样子，顿时神色为之大变。他这种复杂的脸部表情的急剧转变，如果说能够表明什么的话，那就只能表明:
她此刻分明是想毫无理由地伤害他。自从他跟桑德拉接触越来越密切以来，他对自己所寄予的希望更为强烈，所以一听到罗伯达这个要求，便马上皱紧眉头。他的神态从刚才虽然紧张不安，但是还算和颜悦色，一下子变成了惧怕。反对和坚决逃避这一严厉的后果。要知道这就意味着他的彻底毁灭:
桑德拉呀，他的职位呀，他凭同格里菲思家有亲戚关系跻身于上流社会的全部希望呀，都要通通丧失了……一句话，丧失殆尽。
这一个闪念，既让他感到憎恶，又让他煞费踌躇，真不知道下一步该怎么办才好。但是，他决不会同意!
他决不会同意!
这他断断乎不同意!
断断乎不同意!
断断乎不同意!
断断乎不同意!
!
!
可是，不一会儿，他含糊不清地喊道:
"哦，伯特，这对你来说当然是很好，因为这一下子你就什么事全都解决了，一点儿麻烦也没有。可是我怎么办?
你得千万别忘了:
根据眼下实际情况，我可不是那么容易就能办到。你也知道，我压根儿没有多少钱。我个人倾其所有，也仅仅是我有这个差使。再说，我那亲戚一家人，对你还什么都不了解……肯定是一点儿也不了解。要是现在突然真相大白，人家知道我们这么长时间以来老是在一起，而且已经弄得既成事实，我马上就得结婚，唉，他们也就会知道我一直是在欺骗他们。当然罗，他们一定会恼火。那时怎么办呢?
他们甚至就可能把我撵走了。"这时，他沉吟不语，看看自己这些话对罗伯达有什么效果。他发现罗伯达神情迟疑不定，这种表情最近以来每当他自我辩解时便常常出现在她脸上。于是，他就一面很起劲，但还是躲躲闪闪地接下去说:
"再说嘛，我也不见得就找不到医生了。我老是运气不大好，但也并不是说以后我就一定找不到。现在时间还来得及，可不是吗?
当然罗，我们还有时间。反正要赶在三个月以前，还没有什么可怕的。"(日前，他接到拉特勒回信，就这件事后者向他提出过一些看法)一面却又竭力设法把这个突然提出的问题先搁置一下再说。"前一天，我听说奥尔巴尼有一个医生也许肯帮忙的。反正我想不妨先去跟他碰碰头，回来再把结果告诉你。"他说这些话时露出躲躲闪闪的神态，罗伯达一看便知道他只不过是在撒谎，以便赢得时间罢了。奥尔巴尼压根儿就没有什么医生。再说，显而易见，他对她提出的要求很恼火，只是在想法尽量回避。她自己也很明白，过去他从来没有直截了当地说过要娶她的话。固然，她可以敦促他，但归根到底，她可不能硬是逼着他去做呀。过去他就说过，要是由于她的缘故砸了饭碗，也许他一个人会从莱柯格斯逃跑了。现在，要是连这个如此使他倾倒的上流社会都给夺走了，同时，他还得挑起赡养她和一个小孩的重担，那末，他出走的动力也许就更大了。她一想到这里，就比较谨慎了。她一开头很想坚决有力地把话说出来，此刻也只好变得缓和一些，哪怕是目前她的困难该有多大。而克莱德呢，他一想到以桑德拉为中心人物的那个光辉世界里种种情景，如今却在岌岌可危之中，心里简直乱成一团，几乎没法清醒地进行思考了。难道说他就应该抛弃掉那个光辉世界里所有一切，仅仅是为了等待着他和罗伯达的那样一种生活……一个小小的家……一个小孩，全靠他挣来那一点儿薪水供养她娘儿俩的生活，整日价不停地忙活，永远也不会再过上逍遥自在的日子!
老天哪!
他心里顿时觉得一阵恶心。这个他不干，而且，也决不会干的。但是，他也很明白，现在只要他走错了一步，罗伯达那么轻轻地一捅，就可以叫他的全部梦想化成乌有。他一想到这里，也就变得谨小慎微了，而且，他生平头一遭才懂得这时非得乞灵于运用手腕，乃至于诡计不可了。
与此同时，克莱德内心深处也觉得自己这一切变化太快，不免有点儿丢脸了。
不料，罗伯达却回答说:
"哦，我也明白，克莱德，不过，刚才你自己也说你已是走投无路了，可不是吗?
要是我们找不到医生，那末，日子一天天过去，对我来说也就更糟了。当然，不可能结婚才几个月，就会生孩子……这你一定明白。这个道理天底下谁都知道。此外，你要知道我应该考虑到，不仅是你，而且还有我自己，同样还有孩子。"(仅仅一提到那还没有出生的孩子，克莱德猛地一惊，赶紧往后退缩，犹如被人掴了一巴掌似的，她也全都看在眼里。)"克莱德，现在我只好在两个里头马上选定一个……不是结婚，就是设法打掉，而你好象没法帮我打掉，可不是吗?
我们结了婚，要是你害怕你伯父会有什么想法，或是采取什么行动，"她虽然紧张不安，但还是很温和地继续说道:
"我们为什么不马上结婚，但是暂时保守秘密……时间不妨尽可能长一些，或者干脆由你说应该多久就多久，"她很乖觉地找补着说。"同时，我就可以回家去，把这件事告诉爸爸和妈妈，说……我结婚了，不过暂时还得保守秘密。以后，到了再也隐瞒不了，我们不说出来就待不下去的时候，只要我们愿意，不妨干脆迁居别处去……我这是说，如果你不愿让你伯父知道的话，要不然，我们公开宣布，说前些时候我们早已结婚了。现在好多年轻人都是这么做的。至于说以后的生活，"她接下去说，同时也发觉克莱德险上突然掠过乌云似的一层阴影，"反正我们总能找到活儿干……反正我知道自个儿准找得着，哪怕是在生了孩子以后。"罗伯达刚开始说话时，克莱德坐在床沿上，疑惧不安地倾听着。不料，等她一谈到结婚呀。迁居呀这类事，他便站起身来……他按捺不住，想来回走动走动。当她最后说到自己生下孩子后马上去打工时，克莱德两眼几乎露出惊恐的神色直望着她。想一想吧，要跟她结婚，而且，事到如今，他不这样做也不成，而且又是在这种时候，要是碰上好运道，又没有她的干扰，说不定他就可能娶上桑德拉哩。
"哦，是啊，这对你来说当然是很好，伯特。这一下你就什么事都解决了，可是叫我怎么办呢?
哦，哎呀，说实话，我在这儿只是刚刚开了一个头……而现在我却突然卷起铺盖就跑了。当然罗，人家要是发现了这件事，那我就非跑掉不可。那时，我真不知道该怎么办才好。我自己连一点儿手艺或本领都没有。
不过这样的话，我们两个人也许都得受苦受罪。再说，伯父给我厂里这个职位，原是我求了他才给的，要是现在我一走了事，他就永远也不会再来帮助我了。
"他心情一紧张，就忘了过去他不止一次跟罗伯达说过，仿佛他父母还不是特别寒微;他要是不喜欢这里，尽可以回西部去，也许在那里还可以寻摸到一些事由。此刻罗伯达正好回想到这一点，便开口问:
"难道说我们就不能迁居丹佛等地吗?
你父亲不是乐意给你找一个什么事由，至少一开头他不是会帮助你吗?
"她说话时语调很柔和，几乎带着恳求的样子，想使克莱德感到事情并没有象他想象的那么坏。不过，谈到有关这一切时，偏偏提到了他父亲……还想当然说，正是他可以使他们俩免得去做苦工……说得简直太过分了。这说明她对克莱德的实际情况了解得太不够呀。更要不得的是，她竟然指望来自这个方面的帮助。要是指望落空了，往后她可能就为了这个责备他……有谁知道呢……说他诓骗了她。显而易见，现在就得尽可能把结婚的念头打消，而且还得马上打消。这可要不得……绝对要不得。
不过，他应该怎样才能迫使她放弃这个想法，而自己又不会冒风险呢。要知道她认为自己有权向他提出这个要求啊……而他又应该怎样坦率地。冷静地告诉她:
他既不可能跟她结婚，也不愿意跟她结婚。要是现在他还不说，她说不定认为自己逼他结婚是完全公正合法哩。也许她还以为自己有权到他伯父。堂兄那里去告状(他心里仿佛看到了吉尔伯特那双冷酷的眼睛)，把他全揭发了!
那时一切都毁了!
一切都完蛋了!
他同桑德拉，以及这里所有一切连在一起的全部梦想，也都通通化成泡影了。不过，这时他只说了一句后:
"但是，我不可能这样做，伯特，至少现在不行。"这马上使罗伯达这么认为:
结婚这个主意，按照目前情况，他是没有胆量反对的……他说的是，"至少现在不行。"不料，正当她在这么思考的时候，他马上抢着说:
"再说，我并不希望这么快就结婚。我觉得现在结婚太复杂了。首先，我还很年轻，而且，要结婚嘛，可我一点儿钱都没有。而且，我也不可能离开这里。要是上别处去，连这里一半钱我还挣不到。你可不了解眼前这个职位对我有多么重要。我父亲当然境况不错，可是伯父做得到的事，他却做不到，而且他也不会做。如果你了解这一点，那你就不会要求我这么做了。
"话音刚落，他脸上露出困扰。惧怕。倔强的表情。他活象一头困兽被猎人。
猎犬紧追不舍。但是，罗伯达认为克莱德慑于跟她自己低微的地位相对立的莱柯格斯上流社会舆论，而并非某一个姑娘对他特别富于诱惑的缘故，这时她再也按捺不住，气忿地反驳他说:
"哦，是啊，我心里也很清楚你为什么舍不得离开这里。你舍不得的，并不是你在这里的职位，而是同你老是在一起厮混的那些上流社会圈子里头的人呀。这个我心里可明白!
你再也不喜欢我了，克莱德，就是这么一回事。而且，你也不愿为了我跟这些上流社会圈子里头的人分手。我知道所有一切问题都出在这里。可是，就在不久前，你还是喜欢我的，虽然现在你好象全记不起来了。"她说着说着，脸颊绯红，两眼也好象冒出火花似的。
她顿时为之语塞，这时他两眼直瞅着她，暗自纳闷，真不知道下面怎么个收场。
"反正不管怎么说，你可不能把我抛弃，让我听天由命，因为我可不让人家把我就这样随随便便抛掉，克莱德。我告诉你，这办不到!
就是办不到!
"她说话的声调越发激越，连一句话也说不连贯了，"这事对我影响太大了。我不知道孤零零一个人该怎么办，再说，除了你以外，再也不会有人来帮助我的。所以，你就得帮助我。一句话，我非得摆脱不可，克莱德。我非得摆脱不可。我决不能就这样孤零零一个人，没有丈夫，也没有任何依靠地去见我的亲人或是其他任何一个人。"她说这些话时，两眼露出既是恳求又是愤怒的神色，而且，还好象富于悲剧色彩似的，让自己两只手一会儿攥紧，一会儿又松开，来特别强调她说的这些话，"要是你不能按你原来的想法帮助我的话，"她继续说道，这时克莱德也看到她说话时该有多么痛心，"那就是说，你还得另外想办法来帮助我嘛。至少现在你可不能就这样抛弃我，因为我现在还不能没有你。我并不要求你结了婚就永远守在我身边，"她又找补着说，心里想倘若稍加变通提出这个要求，说不定可以说服克莱德跟她结婚，往后也许他对她的感情就会大大好转。"过后，只要你想跟我分手，那就不妨分手得了。反正都得等我摆脱了以后。我是不能干预你的，而且，即使我可以，我也不愿意干预。不过，现在你不能把我抛弃。
你千万不能呀。你千万不能呀!
再说，"她接下去说:
"我也不愿意自己碰上这样的事，而且我怎么也不会碰上这样的事，如果说不是为了你的话。就是你把我逼成这个样子，就是你死乞白赖要我放你进屋呀。可是现在，你却要把我抛弃，要我自个儿去想办法，只是因为你害怕我的事一旦被人发现，你就再也不能在上流社会抛头露面了。"她又顿住了一会儿，这场紧张激烈的斗争，使她疲惫不堪的神经实在忍受不了。这时，她开始呜咽哭泣，声音虽然不大，但很伤心……从她每一个姿势都看得出，她是在竭力抑制自己。控制自己。他们两人都伫立在那儿:
他目光呆滞地直望着她，心里在琢磨该怎样回答她才好;她也是好不容易才使内心恢复了平静，于是，她接下去说:
"哦，克莱德，难道说我现在就跟一两个月以前不一样了吗?
请你告诉我，好吗?
我倒是很想知道。你变成这个样子，到底是什么原因?
在圣诞节以前，你好象一直对我很好嘛。你一有空，几乎就常常跟我在一块。
打从那以后，每一个晚上都要我求了你才来。这到底是怎么回事?
到底是谁呀?
我倒很想知道，是哪个姑娘……是那个桑德拉。芬奇利，还是伯蒂娜。克兰斯顿，还是其他的姑娘?
"她说话时，两眼仔细端详着他。克莱德原先深怕罗伯达一知道桑德拉后非同小可，可现在却很高兴地看到:
即便到现在，她不仅一点儿都不知道，而且甚至还没有怀疑到某一个姑娘。他对罗伯达的痛苦几乎无动于衷，因为，说真的，他再也不疼爱她了。但看到她的目前窘境以及她向他提出的可怕要求，他心里还是非常胆怯，不敢招认:
究竟是哪个人，还是哪件事，才是促使他变心的真正原因。相反，他只是随便回答说:
"哦，你全错了，伯特。你并不了解问题出在哪儿。原来我的前途就在这儿……我要是这样结了婚，或是离开这儿，那一切全都吹了。我就得等着，先觅到一个位置，明白了吧，积攒一点钱，然后才结婚。
要是现在我一切都丢了，那我和你两个就什么指望都没有了，"他有气无力地接着说。至于在这以前，他竭力表示自己再也不愿跟她发生任何关系等话，一下子都给忘了。
"再说，"他继续说道，"只要你能找到一个肯帮助你的人，或是你先上哪儿去待一阵，伯特，在那儿独个儿把这事对付过去，那我就给你捎钱去，这我可心里有数的。从现在起到你不得不走这段时间里，我就可以把钱张罗好。
"他说话时脸上表情充分说明最近他要帮助她的全部计划彻底告吹。连罗伯达也看得很清楚;现在她明白，他对她漠不关心已经到了极点，这才会有这样铁石心肠，随便处置她和他们俩未来的小孩。他上面这些话的全部内涵，使她感到不仅很恼怒，而且还很骇怕。
"哦，克莱德，"这时，她终于壮了胆，比她认识他以来任何时候更勇敢。更倔强地大声嚷道:
"你怎么会变了!
而且，你的心肠又有多硬!
你竟然要把我一个人打发走，仅仅是为了维护你自己的利益……这样，你就好待在这儿，照旧过好日子。当我不再妨碍你，而你再也用不着为我操心了，那时，你就可以在这儿跟别的姑娘结婚。不，这我可不答应。这是太不公平啦。反正我不答应，就是不答应。当然罗，那还用说吗。你要么找个医生来帮助我，要么就娶了我，
收听单词发音 |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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defer
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| vt.推迟，拖延；vi.(to)遵从，听从，服从 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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surgical
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| adj.外科的，外科医生的，手术上的 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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impractical
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| adj.不现实的，不实用的，不切实际的 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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secrecy
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| n.秘密，保密，隐蔽 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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breach
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| n.违反，不履行；破裂；vt.冲破，攻破 | |
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elucidated
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| v.阐明，解释( elucidate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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mare
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| n.母马，母驴 | |
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meditated
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| 深思，沉思，冥想( meditate的过去式和过去分词 )； 内心策划，考虑 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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treacherous
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| adj.不可靠的，有暗藏的危险的；adj.背叛的，背信弃义的 | |
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extricate
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| v.拯救，救出；解脱 | |
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acceded
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| v.（正式）加入( accede的过去式和过去分词 )；答应；（通过财产的添附而）增加；开始任职 | |
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ethics
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| n.伦理学；伦理观，道德标准 | |
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anticipatory
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| adj.预想的，预期的 | |
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miseries
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| n.痛苦( misery的名词复数 )；痛苦的事；穷困；常发牢骚的人 | |
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devoid
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| adj.全无的，缺乏的 | |
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odds
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| n.让步，机率，可能性，比率；胜败优劣之别 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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accrue
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| v.(利息等)增大，增多 | |
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justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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defiant
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| adj.无礼的，挑战的 | |
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jaw
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| n.颚，颌，说教，流言蜚语；v.喋喋不休，教训 | |
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prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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disastrous
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| adj.灾难性的，造成灾害的；极坏的，很糟的 | |
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complacent
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| adj.自满的；自鸣得意的 | |
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dismally
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| adv.阴暗地，沉闷地 | |
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stumped
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| 僵直地行走，跺步行走( stump的过去式和过去分词 )； 把（某人）难住； 使为难； （选举前）在某一地区作政治性巡回演说 | |
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temperament
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| n.气质，性格，性情 | |
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uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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inflict
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| vt.(on)把…强加给，使遭受，使承担 | |
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mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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opposition
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| n.反对，敌对 | |
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gee
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| n.马；int.向右！前进！，惊讶时所发声音；v.向右转 | |
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dubious
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| adj.怀疑的，无把握的；有问题的，靠不住的 | |
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panorama
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| n.全景，全景画，全景摄影，全景照片[装置] | |
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tact
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| n.机敏，圆滑，得体 | |
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visualize
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| vt.使看得见，使具体化，想象，设想 | |
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winced
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| 赶紧避开，畏缩( wince的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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51
recoiled
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| v.畏缩( recoil的过去式和过去分词 )；退缩；报应；返回 | |
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noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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nervously
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| adv.神情激动地，不安地 | |
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54
suavely
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irresistible
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| adj.非常诱人的，无法拒绝的，无法抗拒的 | |
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liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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57
drudgery
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| n.苦工，重活，单调乏味的工作 | |
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58
frustrating
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| adj.产生挫折的，使人沮丧的，令人泄气的v.使不成功( frustrate的现在分词 )；挫败；使受挫折；令人沮丧 | |
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59
legitimate
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| adj.合法的，合理的，合乎逻辑的；v.使合法 | |
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60
harried
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| v.使苦恼( harry的过去式和过去分词 )；不断烦扰；一再袭击；侵扰 | |
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deftly
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| adv.灵巧地，熟练地，敏捷地 | |
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lure
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| n.吸引人的东西，诱惑物；vt.引诱，吸引 | |
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savagely
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| adv. 野蛮地，残酷地 | |
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clinched
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| v.（尤指两人）互相紧紧抱[扭]住( clinch的过去式和过去分词 )；解决（争端、交易），达成（协议） | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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poise
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| vt./vi. 平衡，保持平衡；n.泰然自若，自信 | |
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67
collapse
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| vi.累倒；昏倒；倒塌；塌陷 | |
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68
indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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prospective
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| adj.预期的，未来的，前瞻性的 | |
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bleakly
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| 无望地，阴郁地，苍凉地 | |
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71
extricated
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| v.使摆脱困难，脱身( extricate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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permanently
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| adv.永恒地，永久地，固定不变地 | |
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