In the meantime, however, Asa's condition had remained serious, and it was four entire months before it waspossible for him to sit up again or for Mrs. Griffiths to dream of resuming her lecturing scheme. But by that time,public interest in her and her son's fate was considerably1 reduced. No Denver paper was interested to finance herreturn for anything she could do for them. And as for the public in the vicinity of the crime, it remembered Mrs.
Griffiths and her son most clearly, and in so far as she was concerned, sympathetically--but only, on the otherhand, to think of him as one who probably was guilty and in that case, being properly punished for his crime-thatit would be as well if an appeal were not taken--or--if it were--that it be refused. These guilty criminals withtheir interminable appeals!
And with Clyde where he was, more and more executions--although as he found--and to his invariable horror, noone ever became used to such things there; farmhand Mowrer for the slaying2 of his former employer; officerRiordan for the slaying of his wife--and a fine upstanding officer too but a minute before his death; andafterwards, within the month, the going of the Chinaman, who seemed, for some reason, to endure a long time(and without a word in parting to any one--although it was well known that he spoke3 a few words of English).
And after him Larry Donahue, the overseas soldier--with a grand call--just before the door closed behind: "Goodbyboys. Good luck."And after him again--but, oh--that was so hard; so much closer to Clyde--so depleting4 to his strength to think ofbearing this deadly life here without--Miller Nicholson--no less. For after five months in which they had beenable to walk and talk and call to each other from time to time from their cells and Nicholson had begun to advisehim as to books to read--as well as one important point in connection with his own case--on appeal--or in theevent of any second trial, i.e.,--that the admission of Roberta's letters as evidence, as they stood, at least, bedesperately fought on the ground that the emotional force of them was detrimental5 in the case of any juryanywhere, to a calm unbiased consideration of the material facts presented by them--and that instead of theletters being admitted as they stood they should be digested for the facts alone and that digest--and that onlyoffered to the jury. "If your lawyers can get the Court of Appeals to agree to the soundness of that you will winyour case sure."And Clyde at once, after inducing a personal visit on the part of Jephson, laying this suggestion before him and hearing him say that it was sound and that he and Belknap would assuredly incorporate it in their appeal.
Yet not so long after that the guard, after locking his door on returning from the courtyard whispered, with a nodin the direction of Nicholson's cell, "His next. Did he tell you? Within three days."And at once Clyde shriveling--the news playing upon him as an icy and congealing6 breath. For he had just comefrom the courtyard with him where they had walked and talked of another man who had just been brought in--aHungarian of Utica who was convicted of burning his paramour--in a furnace--then confessing it--a huge, rough,dark, ignorant man with a face like a gargoyle7. And Nicholson saying he was more animal than man, he wassure. Yet no word about himself. And in THREE DAYS! And he could walk and talk as though there wasnothing to happen, although, according to the guard, he had been notified the night before.
And the next day the same--walking and talking as though nothing had happened--looking up at the sky andbreathing the air. Yet Clyde, his companion, too sick and feverish--too awed8 and terrified from merely thinkingon it all night to be able to say much of anything as he walked but thinking: "And he can walk here. And be socalm. What sort of a man is this?" and feeling enormously overawed and weakened.
The following morning Nicholson did not appear--but remained in his cell destroying many letters he hadreceived from many places. And near noon, calling to Clyde who was two cells removed from him on the otherside: "I'm sending you something to remember me by." But not a word as to his going.
And then the guard bringing two books--Robinson Crusoe and the Arabian Nights. That night Nicholson'sremoval from his cell--and the next morning before dawn the curtains; the same procession passing through,which was by now an old story to Clyde. But somehow this was so different--so intimate--so cruel. And as hepassed, calling: "God bless you all. I hope you have good luck and get out." And then that terrible stillness thatfollowed the passing of each man.
And Clyde thereafter--lonely--terribly so. Now there was no one here--no one--in whom he was interested. Hecould only sit and read--and think--or pretend to be interested in what these others said, for he could not really beinterested in what they said. His was a mind that, freed from the miseries9 that had now befallen him, wasnaturally more drawn10 to romance than to reality. Where he read at all he preferred the light, romantic novel thatpictured some such world as he would have liked to share, to anything that even approximated the hard reality ofthe world without, let alone this. Now what was going to become of him eventually? So alone was he! Onlyletters from his mother, brother and sisters. And Asa getting no better, and his mother not able to return as yet-thingswere so difficult there in Denver. She was seeking a religious school in which to teach somewhere--whilenursing Asa. But she was asking the Rev11. Duncan McMillan, a young minister whom she had encountered inSyracuse, in the course of her work there, to come and see him. He was so spiritual and so kindly12. And she wassure, if he would but come, that Clyde would find him a helpful and a strong support in these, his dark and wearyhours when she could no longer be with him herself.
For while Mrs. Griffiths was first canvassing13 the churches and ministers of this section for aid for her son, andgetting very little from any quarter, she had met the Rev. Duncan McMillan in Syracuse, where he wasconducting an independent, non-sectarian church. He was a young, and like herself or Asa, unordained ministeror evangelist of, however, far stronger and more effective temperament14 religiously. At the time Mrs. Griffiths appeared on the scene, he had already read much concerning Clyde and Roberta--and was fairly well satisfiedthat, by the verdict arrived at, justice had probably been done. However, because of her great sorrow andtroubled search for aid he was greatly moved.
He, himself, was a devoted15 son. And possessing a highly poetic16 and emotional though so far repressed orsublimated sex nature, he was one who, out of many in this northern region, had been touched and stirred by thecrime of which Clyde was presumed to be guilty. Those highly emotional and tortured letters of Roberta's! Herseemingly sad life at Lycurgus and Biltz! How often he had thought of those before ever he had encounteredMrs. Griffiths. The simple and worthy17 virtues18 which Roberta and her family had seemingly represented in thatromantic, pretty country world from which they had derived19. Unquestionably Clyde was guilty. And yet here,suddenly, Mrs. Griffiths, very lorn and miserable20 and maintaining her son's innocence21. At the same time therewas Clyde in his cell doomed22 to die. Was it possible that by any strange freak or circumstance--a legal mistakehad been made and Clyde was not as guilty as he appeared?
The temperament of McMillan was exceptional--tense, exotic. A present hour St. Bernard, Savonarola, St.
Simeon, Peter the Hermit23. Thinking of life, thought, all forms and social structures as the word, the expression,the breath of God. No less. Yet room for the Devil and his anger--the expelled Lucifer--going to and fro in theearth. Yet, thinking on the Beatitudes, on the Sermon on the Mount, on St. John and his direct seeing andinterpretation of Christ and God. "He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me,scattereth." A strange, strong, tense, confused, merciful and too, after his fashion beautiful soul; sorrowing withmisery yearning25 toward an impossible justice.
Mrs. Griffiths in her talks with him had maintained that he was to remember that Roberta was not whollyguiltless. Had she not sinned with her son? And how was he to exculpate26 her entirely27? A great legal mistake. Herson was being most unjustly executed--and by the pitiful but none-the-less romantic and poetic letters of this girlwhich should never have been poured forth28 upon a jury of men at all. They were, as she now maintained,incapable of judging justly or fairly where anything sad in connection with a romantic and pretty girl wasconcerned. She had found that to be true in her mission work.
And this idea now appealed to the Rev. Duncan as important and very likely true. And perhaps, as she nowcontended, if only some powerful and righteous emissary of God would visit Clyde and through the force of hisfaith and God's word make him see--which she was sure he did not yet, and which she in her troubled state, andbecause she was his mother, could not make him,--the blackness and terror of his sin with Roberta as it related tohis immortal29 soul here and hereafter,--then in gratitude30 to, reverence31 and faith in God, would be washed away,all his iniquity32, would it not? For irrespective of whether he had committed the crime now charged against himor not--and she was convinced that he had not--was he not, nevertheless, in the shadow of the electric chair--indanger at any time through death (even before a decision should be reached) of being called before his maker33-andwith the deadly sin of adultery, to say nothing of all his lies and false conduct, not only in connection withRoberta but that other girl there in Lycurgus, upon him? And by conversion34 and contrition35 should he not bepurged of this? If only his soul were saved--she and he too would be at peace in this world.
And after a first and later a second pleading letter from Mrs. Griffiths, in which, after she had arrived at Denver,she set forth Clyde's loneliness and need of counsel and aid, the Rev. Duncan setting forth for Auburn. And oncethere--having made it clear to the warden37 what his true purpose was--the spiritual salvation38 of Clyde's soul, for his own, as well as his mother and God's sake, he was at once admitted to the death house and to Clyde'spresence-- the very door of his cell, where he paused and looked through, observing Clyde lying most wretchedlyon his cot trying to read. And then McMillan outlining his tall, thin figure against the bars and withoutintroduction of any kind, beginning, his head bowed in prayer:
"Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Thy loving-kindness; according unto the multitude of Thy tendermercies, blot39 out my transgressions40.""Wash me thoroughly41 from my iniquity and cleanse42 me from my sin.""For I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.""Against Thee, Thee only have I sinned, and done this evil in Thy sight, that Thou mightest be justified43 whenThou speakest and be clear when Thou judgest.""Behold44, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.""Behold, Thou desireth truth in the inward parts; and in the hidden part Thou shalt make me to know wisdom.""Purge36 me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.""Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which Thou hast broken may rejoice.""Hide Thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities45.""Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.""Cast me not away from Thy presence; and take not Thy holy spirit away from me.""Restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation, and uphold me with Thy free spirit.""Then will I teach transgressors Thy ways; and sinners will be converted unto Thee.""Deliver me from blood guiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation, and my tongue shall sing aloud of Thyrighteousness.""O Lord, open Thou my lips; and my mouth shall show forth Thy praise.""For Thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it; Thou delightest not in burnt offering.""The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite46 heart, O God, Thou wilt47 not despise."He paused--but only after he had intoned, and in a most sonorous48 and really beautiful voice the entire 51st Psalm49.
And then looking up, because Clyde, much astonished, had first sat up and then risen--and curiously50 enticed51 by the clean and youthful and vigorous if pale figure had approached nearer the cell door, he now added:
"I bring you, Clyde, the mercy and the salvation of your God. He has called on me and I have come. He has sentme that I may say unto you though your sins be as scarlet52, they shall be white--like snow. Though they be red,like crimson53, they shall be as wool. Come now, let us reason together with the Lord."He paused and stared at Clyde tenderly. A warm, youthful, half smile, half romantic, played about his lips. Heliked the youth and refinement54 of Clyde, who, on his part was plainly taken by this exceptional figure. Anotherreligionist, of course. But the Protestant chaplain who was here was nothing like this man--neither so arrestingnor attractive.
"Duncan McMillan is my name," he said, "and I come from the work of the Lord in Syracuse. He has sent me-justas he sent your mother to me. She has told me all that she believes. I have read all that you have said. And Iknow why you are here. But it is to bring you spiritual joy and gladness that I am here."And he suddenly quoted from Psalms55 13:2, "'How shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart,daily.' That is from Psalms 13:2. And here is another thing that now comes to me as something that I should sayto you. It is from the Bible, too--the Tenth Psalm: 'He hath said in his heart, I shall not be moved, for I shallnever be in adversity.' But you are in adversity, you see. We all are, who live in sin. And here is another thingthat comes to me, just now to say. It is from Psalm 10:11: 'He hath said in his heart, God hath forgotten. Hehideth His face.' And I am told to say to you that He does not hide His face. Rather I am told to quote this to youfrom the Eighteenth Psalm: 'They prevented me in the day of my calamity56, but the Lord was my stay. He sentfrom above, He took me, He drew me out of many waters.'
"'He delivered me from my strong enemy.
"'And from them which hated me, for they were too many for me.
"'He brought me forth also unto a large place.
"'He delivered me because He delighted in me.'
"Clyde, those are all words addressed to you. They come to me here to say to you just as though they were beingwhispered to me. I am but the mouthpiece for these words spoken direct to you. Take counsel with your ownheart. Turn from the shadow to the light. Let us break these bonds of misery24 and gloom; chase these shadows andthis darkness. You have sinned. The Lord can and will forgive. Repent57. Join with Him who has shaped the worldand keeps it. He will not spurn58 your faith; He will not neglect your prayers. Turn--in yourself--in the confines ofthis cell--and say: 'Lord, help me. Lord, hear Thou my prayer. Lord, lighten mine eyes!'
"Do you think there is no God--and that He will not answer you? Pray. In your trouble turn to Him--not me--orany other. But to Him. Pray. Speak to Him. Call to Him. Tell Him the truth and ask for help. As surely as you arehere before me--and if in your heart you truly repent of any evil you have done--TRULY, TRULY, you will hearand feel Him. He will take your hand. He will enter this cell and your soul. You will know Him by the peace andthe light that will fill your mind and heart. Pray. And if you need me again to help you in any way--to pray with you--or to do you any service of any kind--to cheer you in your loneliness--you have only to send for me; dropme a card. I have promised your mother and I will do what I can. The warden has my address." He paused,serious and conclusive59 in his tone--because up to this time, Clyde had looked more curious and astonished thananything else.
At the same time because of Clyde's extreme youthfulness and a certain air of lonely dependence60 which markedhim ever since his mother and Nicholson had gone: "I'll always be in easy reach. I have a lot of religious workover in Syracuse but I'll be glad to drop it at any time that I can really do anything more for you." And here heturned as if to go.
But Clyde, now taken by him--his vital, confident and kindly manner--so different to the tense, fearful and yetlonely life here, called after him: "Oh, don't go just yet. Please don't. It's very nice of you to come and see me andI'm obliged to you. My mother wrote me you might. You see, it's very lonely here. I haven't thought much ofwhat you were saying, perhaps, because I haven't felt as guilty as some think I am. But I've been sorry enough.
And certainly any one in here pays a good deal." His eyes looked very sad and strained.
And at once, McMillan, now deeply touched for the first time replied: "Clyde, you needn't worry. I'll come to seeyou again within a week, because now I see you need me. I'm not asking you to pray because I think you areguilty of the death of Roberta Alden. I don't know. You haven't told me. Only you and God know what your sinsand your sorrows are. But I do know you need spiritual help and He will give you that--oh, fully61. 'The Lord willbe a refuge for the oppressed; a refuge in time of trouble.'"He smiled as though he were now really fond of Clyde. And Clyde feeling this and being intrigued62 by it, repliedthat there wasn't anything just then that he wanted to say except to tell his mother that he was all right--and makeher feel a little better about him, maybe, if he could. Her letters were very sad, he thought. She worried too muchabout him. Besides he, himself, wasn't feeling so very good--not a little run down and worried these days. Whowouldn't be in his position? Indeed, if only he could win to spiritual peace through prayer, he would be glad to doit. His mother had always urged him to pray--but up to now he was sorry to say he hadn't followed her advicevery much. He looked very distrait63 and gloomy--the marked prison pallor having long since settled on his face.
And the Reverend Duncan, now very much touched by his state, replied: "Well, don't worry, Clyde.
Enlightenment and peace are surely going to come to you. I can see that. You have a Bible there, I see. Open itanywhere in Psalms and read. The 51st, 91st, 23rd. Open to St. John. Read it all--over and over. Think and pray-andthink on all the things about you--the moon, the stars, the sun, the trees, the sea--your own beating heart,your body and strength--and ask yourself who made them. How did they come to be? Then, if you can't explainthem, ask yourself if the one who made them and you--whoever he is, whatever he is, wherever he is, isn't strongand wise enough and kind enough to help you when you need help--provide you with light and peace andguidance, when you need them. Just ask yourself what of the Maker of all this certain reality. And then askHim--the Creator of it all--to tell you how and what to do. Don't doubt. Just ask and see. Ask in the night--in theday. Bow your head and pray and see. Verily, He will not fail you. I know because I have that peace."He stared at Clyde convincingly--then smiled and departed. And Clyde, leaning against his cell door, began towonder. The Creator! His Creator! The Creator of the World! . . . Ask and see--!
And yet--there was still lingering here in him that old contempt of his for religion and its fruits ,--the constantand yet fruitless prayers and exhortations64 of his father and mother. Was he going to turn to religion now, solelybecause he was in difficulties and frightened like these others? He hoped not. Not like that, anyway.
Just the same the mood, as well as the temperament of the Reverend Duncan McMillan--his young, forceful,convinced and dramatic body, face, eyes, now intrigued and then moved Clyde as no religionist or minister in allhis life before ever had. He was interested, arrested and charmed by the man's faith--whether at once or not atall--ever--he could come to put the reliance in it that plainly this man did.
不过那时节,阿萨的病情还很严重,等到他能在病床上坐得起来,或是说格里菲思太太有可能重新思考她的演讲计划,已有整整四个月时间过去了。那时候,公众对她和她儿子的命运早已兴趣大减了。丹佛没有一家报社愿意资助她再回去,给他们写点什么报道。至于肇事地点附近公众,他们对格里菲思太太母子俩倒是记得挺清楚,对她个人也很同情……不过,另一方面,他们几乎一致认为克莱德是犯了罪的,因此现在受到了应有的惩罚……所以,他们认为最好不要上诉……如果要上诉,那也应该予以驳回。这些罪犯动不动上诉,简直是没完没了!
克莱德牢房那里,一个接一个地被处决……他每次都是深为惊愕地发现,没有一个人能对这类事安之若素。雇农莫勒因为杀害昔日东家被处死了。警官赖尔登因为杀死妻子,也被处决了……但在临终前一分钟,他还是不愧为赳赳一武夫哩。随后,不到一个月,就轮到了他对面那个中国人,此人好象不知为了什么缘故,时间拖了很久(临走时,他对谁也没有说什么……虽然大伙儿明明知道他能说点英语)。接下来是拉里。多纳休,那个曾经派往海外去过的士兵……在他身后那一道门快关上以前,他竟然斗胆地大声嚷嚷:
"再见吧,伙计们。祝你们走运!
"在他以后,又有……可是,啊……这对克莱德来说可真难过呀;因为此人跟克莱德如此亲密……一想到不能再跟他在一起,自己也就没有力量在这里捱过简直是要命的狱中生活。此人……正是米勒。尼科尔森。因为,在这五个月里,他们往往在一起放风。聊天,有时坐在各自牢房里相互交谈。而且,尼科尔森劝过他该看些什么书……还给他出了一个重要的点子:
不论在上诉或是复审的时候,务必拚命反对,别让罗伯达那些信原封不动当作证据。其理由是:
那些信所具有的感情力量,将使任何地方任何一个陪审团都不能对那些信里所提到的事实平心静气。公正无私地作出估量。那些信不应该原封不动地当作证据,而是仅仅摘录里头事实就可以了……而且,这份摘录,也是仅仅提交给陪审团的。"如果说你的辩护律师能使上诉法院赞同这个办法是正确的话,那末,你的案子就准能打赢。"于是,克莱德马上要求亲自跟杰夫森晤面,向他转达了上面这个意见。并且听杰夫森说,这个意见很有道理,他跟贝尔纳普拟定的上诉书里,一定会把它包括进去。
可是,打这以后没有多久,有一天,他刚从院子里放风回来,狱警给他牢门上锁时,一面冲尼科尔森的牢房点点头,一面低声说:
"下一个轮到他了。他跟你说过没有?
三天之内。"克莱德马上瑟瑟冷颤……这消息好象一股砭人肌骨的寒气向他袭来。因为他跟此人刚才一起从院子里回来,在那里他们一起放风时还谈到新收押的一个犯人……来自尤蒂卡的一个匈牙利人。后者把他的情妇……放在一只炉子里……给活活烧死了,后来自己也供认不讳了……一个身材魁伟。粗野无知的黑大汉,面貌长得特别古怪。尼科尔森说,毫无疑问,此人与其说是人,还不如说是一头野兽。可是他自己的事,却只字不提。而且还是在三天之内呀!
可他照样还能放风。聊天,好象压根儿什么事都没有;虽然,据狱警说,头天晚上就已经通知他了。
转天,照旧还是那样……放风。聊天,好象压根儿什么事情都没有……还抬头望望天,吸吸新鲜空气。然而,克莱德这个跟他作伴的人,心里太难过,太焦灼……想了整整一个通宵,觉得太畏惧和太可怖了,虽然跟此人并排走着,什么话也说不出来,只是一个劲儿在揣摸:
"可他照样还能在这里放风。而且那么泰然自若。他究竟是怎样一种人啊?
"一种深深的敬畏之情控制了他。
第二天早上,尼科尔森没有露面……只是待在自己牢房里,把许多地方寄给他的信都销毁了。将近正午时分,他冲对面相隔两间牢房的克莱德大声喊道:
"我要送点东西给你作为留念。"不过,有关他的大限一事,还是只字不提。
接着,狱警转交给克莱德的是两本书……《鲁滨孙漂流记》和《天方夜谭》。
当天晚上,尼科尔森被移押到老死牢去了……转天拂晓前,门帘放下来了;同样一支行列从走廊里踩着沉重脚步拖曳过去……这时克莱德对此也早就习以为常了。不过,这一回不知怎的跟过去总不一样……特别深沉……特别残酷啊。他走过的时候,还大声嚷道:
"朋友们,但愿上帝保佑你们。我希望你们走运,从这儿出去。"随后是每人临终前常有的一片可怕的沉寂。
在这以后,克莱德觉得……孑然一身……孤单得怪可怕的。如今,在这里再也没有一个人……没有一个……他有兴趣接近的人了。他只好坐下来,看看书……暗自琢磨,……或是佯装出对周围这些人的话很感兴趣的样子。其实,他们的话压根儿引不起他的兴趣来。他现在思想上可以不去想自己不幸的命运了,自然而然地被故事而不是现实所吸引。他喜欢读一些笔调轻松。罗曼蒂克的小说,里头描写的正是他梦寐以求的世界,而不喜欢任何哪怕只是跟外部世界的冷酷现实大致接近的描写,更不用说接近他在这里的铁窗生涯了。前头等待着他的是什么呢!
他是那么孤零零的!
只有母亲和弟妹们的一些来信,而且阿萨还不见好转,他母亲暂时还回不来……丹佛家境又是那么困难啊。她正在寻摸一个事由,一面到某个神学校任教,一面护理阿萨。不过,她正在请求邓肯。麦克米伦牧师常来看看他。此人是一个年轻牧师,是她在锡拉丘兹演讲时候遇到的。
他既为圣灵所嘉佑,心地又是非常善良。她相信,要是这位牧师能常来看他,那末,在他这么黑暗困顿之际,她自己又不能跟他在一起,克莱德一定会觉得此人对他很有帮助,可以成为他精神上的坚强支柱。
当格里菲思太太为了营救儿子,向附近各处教堂和牧师寻求帮助的时候,并没有得到成功,可是,她在锡拉丘兹却遇到了邓肯。麦克米伦牧师。他在那里主持一个独立的。不属于任何教派的教堂。他这个年轻人,跟她和阿萨一样,是个未经授予神职的牧师,或可称为福音传教士,不过,宗教热情更要强烈得多。远在格里菲思太太出头露面以前,他早已看过很多有关克莱德和罗伯达的报道,并且相当满意地认为,通过这么一个判决,也许正义得到了伸张。但是对于格里菲思太太满怀悲伤,四出奔告,寻求声援,他又深为感动。
他自己就是一个忠心耿耿的儿子。由于他具有一种高度诗意。易动感情(但过去深受压抑,或是加以纯化了的性欲)的天性,他如同这个北方地区很多人一样,对克莱德被控所犯的罪行,也是在感情上很受震动。罗伯达那些充满激情和痛苦的信呀!
她在莱柯格斯和比尔茨时多么凄惨的生活呀!
这一切在他跟格里菲思太太邂逅以前,不知有多少回他都想到过。看来罗伯达和她的家庭,正好代表了他们出生的那个充满诗意的美丽乡村那里质朴。崇高的道德。毫无疑问,克莱德是有罪的。殊不知孤苦伶仃的格里菲思太太突然出现在这里,坚持说她的儿子是无辜的。同时,克莱德却关押在牢房里,注定要死。这可能是根据什么奇怪的反常行为成事态,法庭竟然错判了,其实,克莱德从表面上看是并没有罪的,是吧?
麦克米伦的脾性特别……桀骜不驯,不知道妥协,堪称当今的圣。伯纳德。
萨沃那罗拉。圣。西米恩。隐士彼得(本段前后提到的诸人名,多半为基督教历史上的圣徒。)。人生。思想,以及所有一切的组织和社会结构,在他看来,都是上帝的语言,上帝的表现和呼吸。就是这样。不过,他认为,魔鬼及其愤慨还是有它们的地方的……这个从天堂里被赶出来的撒旦,在地球上来回转悠着。
可他心心念念想到的,只是耶稣的八福词(详见《圣经。新约。马太福音》第5章。)。登山宝训(耶稣登山训众,说"虚心的人"等八种人有福了,故称"八福词"。)。
圣。约翰和他直接看见耶稣,以及他对基督和上帝的解释(约翰说:
恩典和真理,都是由耶稣来的,从来没有人看见上帝。次日约翰看见耶稣来到了他那里。详见《圣经。新约。约翰福音》第1章第17。18。29节。)。"不与我相合的,就是敌我的,不同我收聚的,就是分散的。
"(引自《圣经。新约。马太福音》第12章第30节。)这是一个离奇。坚强。紧张。纷乱。仁慈。具有自己独特之美的灵魂;为苦难而悲伤,并渴望一种在人世间难以得到的正义。
格里菲思太太跟他谈话时坚称,他应该记住罗伯达并不是完全没有罪的。
难道说她不是跟她的儿子一起犯的罪吗?
他怎能完全替她开脱罪责呢?
是法庭铸成了大错。她的儿子极不公道地被判处死刑……都是由于这个姑娘那些令人动怜。罗曼蒂克。富于诗意的信所造成的。那些信压根儿不该都抛给全是须眉汉子的陪审团。格里菲思太太认为,凡是涉及一个罗曼蒂克的漂亮姑娘的惨案,这些须眉汉子就不可能公正无私地作出判断了。她在自己的传道活动中也发现这样的情况。
上面这种说法,邓肯牧师觉得既重要又很可能确实如此。据她那时说,要是有哪一位富有权威而又正直的上帝的使者能去探望克莱德,以自己的信念和上帝的话语的力量,让他认识到一个她深知他至今还不明白的道理……至于她本人呢,一是她已心烦意乱,二是作为他的母亲,所以未能向他说明这个道理……就他不朽的灵魂在今生来世来说,他跟罗伯达那种罪孽该有多么邪恶。
可怕。这样,也许他会在上帝跟前满怀崇敬。虔信和感恩之情,让自己的全部罪恶通通洗净涤尽,可不是吗?
要知道反正不管他犯没有犯过目下控告他的罪名……而她则坚信他没有犯过……可是,在电椅的阴影下……他不是随时有碰上一死的危险,(甚至是在最后判决以前)被召唤到主的跟前吗?
身上还要背着那通奸的死罪,更不用说他不仅是在罗伯达跟前,而且还在莱柯格斯另一个姑娘跟前所有那些扯谎。负心的言行。难道说他不能通过改信基督教或是忏悔把所有这一切罪恶洗净涤尽吗?
只要能拯救他的灵魂……那她和他也就能在今生今世得到安宁了。
邓肯牧师先后接到格里菲思太太第一封。第二封向他恳求的信,就在她到达丹佛后发出的这些信里,陈述了克莱德如何孤单,急需开导和帮助。于是,邓肯牧师就动身去奥伯恩了。一到那里,他首先向典狱长说明自己真正的来意……是要拯救克莱德的灵魂,为了他自己的安宁,也为了他母亲的安宁,为了上帝的荣光。因此,他马上得到准许,可以进入死牢,径直来到克莱德牢房。
他在牢房门口停住了,往里头一望,只见克莱德怪可怜地躺在小床上,拚命想看看书。随后,麦克米伦这一瘦高个儿,正贴在钉上铁条的牢门上,并没做什么自我介绍,就低下头来,开始祈祷:
"上帝啊,求你按你的慈爱怜恤我,按你丰盛的慈悲,涂抹我的过犯。""求你将我的罪孽洗除净尽,并清除我的罪。""因为我知道我的过犯,我的罪常在我面前。""我向你犯罪,惟独得罪了你,在你眼前行了这恶,以致你责备我的时候,显为公义,判断我的时候,显为清正。""我是在罪孽里生的。在我母亲怀胎的时候,就有了罪。""你所喜爱的,是内里诚实,你在我隐密处,必使我得智慧。""求你用牛膝草洁净我,我就干净。求你洗涤我,我就比雪更白。""求你使我得听欢喜快乐的声音,使你所压伤的骨头,可以踊跃。""求你掩面不看我的罪,涂抹我一切的罪孽。""上帝啊,求你为我造清洁的心,使我里面重新有正直的灵。""不要丢弃我,使我离开你的面。不要从我收回你的圣灵。""求你使我仍得救恩之乐,赐我乐意的灵扶持我。""我就把你的道指教有过犯的人。罪人必归顺你。""上帝啊,你是拯救我的上帝。求你救我脱离流人血的罪。我的舌头就高声歌唱你的公义。""主啊,求你使我嘴唇张开,我的口便传扬赞美你的话。""你本不喜爱祭物。若喜爱,我就献上。燔祭你也不喜悦。""上帝所要的祭,就是忧伤的灵。上帝啊,忧伤痛悔的心,你必不轻看。
"他刚用响亮而又非常优美的声调念完了《诗篇》(参见《圣经。旧约。诗篇》
第51篇第1—17节。)第五十一篇全文以后,就沉吟不语了。随后,他昂起头来。因为这时克莱德深感惊诧,先是挺直腰背坐好,接着站了起来……说来也怪,他被这个仪态端庄。精力饱满而又面色苍白的人吸引住了……稍后,他走到牢房门口,麦克米伦这才找补着说:
"克莱德,我给你带来了你的上帝的仁慈和拯救。他召唤我,于是我就上这儿来了。他差遣我来,好让我跟你说,'
''''你们的罪虽象朱红,必变成雪白。虽红如丹颜,必白如羊毛。,好吧,现在上帝与我们同在。让我们一起议论议论。"他顿了片刻,亲切地瞅着克莱德。他的唇边露出热忱。年轻。半是罗曼蒂克。半是莞尔而笑的神情。克莱德年轻。温文尔雅,他很喜欢;而克莱德呢,显然也被这个特殊人物吸引住了。当然罗,又是一个新的牧师。不过,监狱里的那位新教牧师,简直没法跟麦克米伦相比……既不是那么惹眼,也不是那么吸引人。
"我叫邓肯。麦克米伦,"他说,"我来自锡拉丘兹,我在那里致力于弘扬上帝荣光。这是他差遣我来,正如他差遣你母亲上我那儿去一样。她所相信的一切,全跟我说了。你自己所说过的话,我从报上也都看过了。为什么你会在这里,这我也知道。不过,我上这里来,就是要给你精神上的喜悦和快乐。
"蓦然间,他援引了《诗篇》第十三篇第二节:
"'
''''我心里筹算,终日愁苦,要到几时呢?
,这是《诗篇》第十三篇第二节的话。此刻,我又想到一段话,应该跟你说一说。那也是《圣经》上的……《诗篇》第十篇:
'
''''他心里说,我必不动摇,世世代代不遭灾难。,(引自《圣经。旧约。诗篇》第10篇第6节。)可是,你知道,你正是在患难之中。我们这些有罪之人,也都在所难免。不过,现在我又想起了一件事要说一说。那是《诗篇》第十篇第十一节:
'
''''他心里说,上帝竟忘记了。他掩面。,可是,上帝要我告诉你,他可没有把脸掩盖起来。上帝倒是要我把《诗篇》第十八篇告诉你:
'
''''我遭遇灾难的日子,他们来攻击我。但耶和华是我的依靠(同上第18篇第18节。)。他从高天伸手抓住我,把我从大水中拉上来(引自《圣经。旧约。诗篇》第18篇第16节。)。
"'
''''他救我脱离我的劲敌。(同上第18篇第17节。)"'
''''和那些恨我的人,因为他们比我强盛。(同上第18篇第17节。)"'
''''他又领我到广宽之处。
"'
''''他救拔我,因他喜悦我。,(同上第18篇第19节。)"克莱德,所有这些话,都是对你说的。这些话是我灵机一动,想要跟你说一说,就象有人跟我在低声耳语,撺掇我要这么说似的。我不过是转达直接跟你说的这些话的喉舌罢了。跟你自己的良心好好考虑考虑吧。从背阴处转向光明吧。让我们把这些苦难和忧郁的锁链砸烂,把这些阴影和黑暗驱散吧。你是犯过罪的。主能够宽恕你,而且也已经宽恕了你。忏悔吧。快到创造世界。治理世界的主身边去。他不会蔑视你的信念;他也不会不理会你的祈祷。要面向主……在你心里……在这间牢房四壁以内……说:
'
''''主啊,帮助我。主啊,请听我的祈祷。主啊,让我的眼睛看见光明!
,"你以为没有上帝……他不会回答你吧?
祈祷吧。在你患难的时候,只要向他请求……不是向我请求……也不是向别人请求。而是向他请求。祈祷吧。跟他说话。呼唤他。把真相告诉他,请求他帮助。如果你在心里确实对过去做过的任何罪恶表示悔过的话,那末,你就会真的。真的听到他,摸到他,如同此刻你的的确确在我面前一模一样。他会拿起你的手。他会进入这间牢房,进入你的灵魂。你就会通过充满你心灵的宁静和光明来认识他。祈祷吧。如果你还需要我对你有所帮助……跟你一起祈祷……或是为你效劳……让你在孤单寂寞之际消愁解闷……那你只要招呼一声,给我个明信片就得了。我已经向你母亲保证过,我一定尽力而为。反正我的通讯处,已留在典狱长那里。"他顿住一会儿,语气严肃而肯定……因为,直到现在,从克莱德的眼神里看,只是好奇和惊讶,再也没有露出其他的表情。
这时,由于克莱德年轻。几乎稚气未脱的模样儿,以及他母亲和尼科尔森走后,他一直显得孤苦无告的可怜相,麦克米伦便找补着说:
"请记住,我随时听从吩咐。在锡拉丘兹,我有很多传教工作要做,不过,我都乐意随时撂一撂,只要我真的能给你更多帮助的话。"说到这里,他侧过身去,仿佛要走了。
可是克莱德却被他吸引住了……他那生气勃勃。信心十足而又和善可亲的态度……跟这里紧张。可怕而又孤单的狱中生活大相径庭,就冲麦克米伦后面高声喊道:
"啊,别就走呀。请您别走。承蒙您来看我,我很感谢您。我母亲来信说过您也许会来的。您知道,这里非常孤单寂寞。您刚才说的那些话,也许我还没有好好想过,因为我觉得自己没有犯罪,并不象有些人想象的那样。不过,我心里一直难过得很。不管哪一个人在这里得到报应,当然,都苦得很。"克莱德露出悲伤。紧张的眼色。这时,麦克米伦才头一次真的深受感动,就回答说:
"克莱德,你不用伤心。一星期内我再来看你,因为现在我知道你是需要我的。我之所以要你祈祷,不是因为我认为你对罗伯达。奥尔登之死是有罪的。
这个我不知道。你还没有跟我说。什么是你的罪孽。你的痛苦,只有你和上帝才知道。不过,我确实知道,你需要得到精神上的支持,而他是会给你的……啊,充分给你的。'
''''耶和华又要给受欺压的人作高台;在患难的时候作高台。,(引自《圣经。旧约。诗篇》第9篇第9节。)"他粲然一笑,仿佛他真心喜欢克莱德似的。这一点克莱德也大吃一惊地感到了,便回答说,他觉得一时还没有什么好说的,只是请麦克米伦转告母亲,说他很好……如果可能的话,让她不要为他太难过。他觉得她的来信非常悲伤。
她对他太揪心了。再说,他自己也觉得这些天来挺不对劲……心情沉重而又焦躁。到了他这种处境,谁不会这样呢?
老实说,他要是通过祈祷果真得到精神上一点儿安宁,那他何乐不为呢?
母亲历来是百般劝他祈祷,不过,直到目前为止,说起来怪难过,他硬是没有听从她的话。瞧他那神色显得非常抑郁。阴沉……监狱里特有的那种灰白色,早已镌刻在他脸上了。
邓肯牧师见到他那种可怜相非常感动,就回答说:
"好吧,别伤心,克莱德。
神恩和安宁一定会降临到你的心灵。这是我深信无疑的。我看见了,你手头有一本《圣经》。翻开《诗篇》,随便哪一页念念。第五十一篇。第九十一篇。第二十三篇。翻开《约翰福音》,从头到尾全都念念……反复地念。要一面想,一面祈祷……想想你周围所有这一切……月亮呀,星星呀,太阳呀,树木呀,大海呀……还有你自己跳动的心,你的躯体和你的力量……再反躬自问:
这一切都是谁创造的?
又是从哪儿来的?
要是你解释不了,就再问问你自己:
那创造了这一切(包括你也在内)的……不管他是谁,不管他到过哪里,正当你需要帮助的时候,难道说就没有足够的力量。智慧和仁慈来帮助你……给予你正迫切需要的光明。
安宁和开导吗?
只要问问你自己,是谁创造了眼前这个现实世界的。然后再问他……造物主……请他告诉你该怎么做和做什么。不要再怀疑了。反正有问必答。所以要日日夜夜问。低下头来祈祷,期待。说实在的,他不会让你失望的。
这我知道,因为我自己心里就得到过这种安宁。"他满怀信心地瞅了一眼克莱德……随后微微一笑走了。克莱德靠在牢房门口,不禁暗自纳闷。造物主!
他的造物主!
世界的造物主!
……有问必答……!
殊不知他心里依然象他早先蔑视宗教及其后果那样……回忆起他父母经常那么毫无结果地祈祷和传道。难道说只是因为他象这里别人一样遭了难,心里害怕了,现在就向宗教寻求慰籍吗?
他不希望这样。不管怎么说,反正不要象他们这样。
然而,不管怎么说,邓肯。麦克米伦牧师的心地和秉性……他那年轻有力。
信心十足。令人瞩目的躯体。面孔和眼睛,先是吸引了。继而感动了克莱德,从来没有一个传教士或是牧师给他留下过那么深刻的印象。这个人的信仰,先是使他发生了兴趣,然后把他吸引住了,乃至于入了迷……也不知道对这个人坚定的信念,他能不能立刻相信,还是压根儿不会相信。
1 considerably | |
adv.极大地;相当大地;在很大程度上 | |
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2 slaying | |
杀戮。 | |
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3 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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4 depleting | |
使大大的减少,使空虚( deplete的现在分词 ); 耗尽,使枯竭 | |
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5 detrimental | |
adj.损害的,造成伤害的 | |
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6 congealing | |
v.使凝结,冻结( congeal的现在分词 );(指血)凝结 | |
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7 gargoyle | |
n.笕嘴 | |
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8 awed | |
adj.充满敬畏的,表示敬畏的v.使敬畏,使惊惧( awe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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9 miseries | |
n.痛苦( misery的名词复数 );痛苦的事;穷困;常发牢骚的人 | |
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10 drawn | |
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
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11 rev | |
v.发动机旋转,加快速度 | |
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12 kindly | |
adj.和蔼的,温和的,爽快的;adv.温和地,亲切地 | |
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13 canvassing | |
v.(在政治方面)游说( canvass的现在分词 );调查(如选举前选民的)意见;为讨论而提出(意见等);详细检查 | |
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14 temperament | |
n.气质,性格,性情 | |
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15 devoted | |
adj.忠诚的,忠实的,热心的,献身于...的 | |
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16 poetic | |
adj.富有诗意的,有诗人气质的,善于抒情的 | |
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17 worthy | |
adj.(of)值得的,配得上的;有价值的 | |
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18 virtues | |
美德( virtue的名词复数 ); 德行; 优点; 长处 | |
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19 derived | |
vi.起源;由来;衍生;导出v.得到( derive的过去式和过去分词 );(从…中)得到获得;源于;(从…中)提取 | |
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20 miserable | |
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
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21 innocence | |
n.无罪;天真;无害 | |
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22 doomed | |
命定的 | |
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23 hermit | |
n.隐士,修道者;隐居 | |
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24 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
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25 yearning | |
a.渴望的;向往的;怀念的 | |
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26 exculpate | |
v.开脱,使无罪 | |
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27 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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28 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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29 immortal | |
adj.不朽的;永生的,不死的;神的 | |
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30 gratitude | |
adj.感激,感谢 | |
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31 reverence | |
n.敬畏,尊敬,尊严;Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称;v.尊敬,敬畏,崇敬 | |
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32 iniquity | |
n.邪恶;不公正 | |
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33 maker | |
n.制造者,制造商 | |
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34 conversion | |
n.转化,转换,转变 | |
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35 contrition | |
n.悔罪,痛悔 | |
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36 purge | |
n.整肃,清除,泻药,净化;vt.净化,清除,摆脱;vi.清除,通便,腹泻,变得清洁 | |
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37 warden | |
n.监察员,监狱长,看守人,监护人 | |
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38 salvation | |
n.(尤指基督)救世,超度,拯救,解困 | |
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39 blot | |
vt.弄脏(用吸墨纸)吸干;n.污点,污渍 | |
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40 transgressions | |
n.违反,违法,罪过( transgression的名词复数 ) | |
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41 thoroughly | |
adv.完全地,彻底地,十足地 | |
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42 cleanse | |
vt.使清洁,使纯洁,清洗 | |
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43 justified | |
a.正当的,有理的 | |
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44 behold | |
v.看,注视,看到 | |
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45 iniquities | |
n.邪恶( iniquity的名词复数 );极不公正 | |
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46 contrite | |
adj.悔悟了的,后悔的,痛悔的 | |
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47 wilt | |
v.(使)植物凋谢或枯萎;(指人)疲倦,衰弱 | |
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48 sonorous | |
adj.响亮的,回响的;adv.圆润低沉地;感人地;n.感人,堂皇 | |
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49 psalm | |
n.赞美诗,圣诗 | |
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50 curiously | |
adv.有求知欲地;好问地;奇特地 | |
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51 enticed | |
诱惑,怂恿( entice的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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52 scarlet | |
n.深红色,绯红色,红衣;adj.绯红色的 | |
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53 crimson | |
n./adj.深(绯)红色(的);vi.脸变绯红色 | |
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54 refinement | |
n.文雅;高尚;精美;精制;精炼 | |
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55 psalms | |
n.赞美诗( psalm的名词复数 );圣诗;圣歌;(中的) | |
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56 calamity | |
n.灾害,祸患,不幸事件 | |
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57 repent | |
v.悔悟,悔改,忏悔,后悔 | |
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58 spurn | |
v.拒绝,摈弃;n.轻视的拒绝;踢开 | |
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59 conclusive | |
adj.最后的,结论的;确凿的,消除怀疑的 | |
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60 dependence | |
n.依靠,依赖;信任,信赖;隶属 | |
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61 fully | |
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地 | |
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62 intrigued | |
adj.好奇的,被迷住了的v.搞阴谋诡计(intrigue的过去式);激起…的兴趣或好奇心;“intrigue”的过去式和过去分词 | |
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63 distrait | |
adj.心不在焉的 | |
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64 exhortations | |
n.敦促( exhortation的名词复数 );极力推荐;(正式的)演讲;(宗教仪式中的)劝诫 | |
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