PART 1 CHAPTER 16

PART 1 CHAPTER

16

W HEN THEY ARE LEAST AWARE THAT ANYONE SEES — IN BED, THE TUB , the bathroom,

strolling the yard, preparing and eating food—I admit to the guilty pleasure of spying on the

man and woman in my house. At the same time, my conscience torments¹ me. It’s just that I’m

so in need of the company of anyone other than myself that I can’t resist. I was raised to be

modest, and Ellen always dowsed the light before we made love regardless of my desire to see

her supple² body. But I can’t help myself now.

These people are wanton in their intimate moments. They stride about the bedroom naked

and sleep without any nightclothes. Although I’m content with the memory of being enclosed in

Ellen’s primordial³ warmth, I wish we’d allowed ourselves this couple’s freedom. And these

days, vicarious pleasure is the only kind I know.

Now in the empty house, mine once again without the weekend people, I recall my times

with Ellen. All the touching⁴, until only awareness⁵ pulsated—with no word for my wife, no name

for myself. There were no labels, no analysis of what she’d said to me earlier in the day, no

judgments⁶ about needs met, or not.

By my reckoning, it has been ninety-two years since anyone has spoken to me. Occasionally,

the man or woman will step into my space close enough to brush my arm or face. Registering

only a puzzling chill, they move away. In my solitude⁷, I’ve considered how people briefly⁸ move

against, or brush by, one another the way cattle in fields establish connections through touch—

and how we are ignorant that this habit keeps us grounded. That is, until those with whom we

are physically⁹ intimate are gone.

And where is Ellen now? At the age of eighty-five, she’d lived longer than me by eight years.

I never minded the deepening crows’ feet around her eyes, the thickening of her waist, and the

graying of her hair. She was always beautiful in my eyes. After I was beyond her reach, my

heart shattered as I saw her face distorted by joint¹⁰ pain, her mouth dragged down by losses, and

her quick, graceful¹¹ step become slow and tentative. I witnessed her confinement¹² to bed, heard

her cry out in her sleep—particularly during her last illness. I stroked her forehead and held her

dear hand, but she had no idea of my presence or the comfort I wished to offer. I still seek her at

night. Often, I dream that a young Tom and Ellen embrace in a sunny field, naked bodies

oblivious¹³ to the rough terrain¹⁴ and the dampness of the earth. We never lay unclothed in a field.

Ellen wouldn’t have allowed it. But in the early days, we tasted this merging¹⁵. After the dream, I

vainly search to find myself reflected in her luminescent eyes again. Why do I never see her here

in our home? Why does she appear to me only in this dream?

1 torments   

（肉体或精神上的）折磨，痛苦( torment的名词复数 )； 造成痛苦的事物[人]

参考例句：

• He released me from my torments. 他解除了我的痛苦。
• He suffered torments from his aching teeth. 他牙痛得难受。

2 supple   

adj.柔软的，易弯的，逢迎的，顺从的，灵活的；vt.使柔软，使柔顺，使顺从；vi.变柔软，变柔顺

参考例句：

• She gets along well with people because of her supple nature.她与大家相处很好，因为她的天性柔和。
• He admired the graceful and supple movements of the dancers.他赞扬了舞蹈演员优雅灵巧的舞姿。

3 primordial   

adj.原始的；最初的

参考例句：

• It is the primordial force that propels us forward.它是推动我们前进的原始动力。
• The Neanderthal Man is one of our primordial ancestors.的尼安德特人是我们的原始祖先之一.

4 touching   

adj.动人的，使人感伤的

参考例句：

• It was a touching sight.这是一幅动人的景象。
• His letter was touching.他的信很感人。

5 awareness   

n.意识，觉悟，懂事，明智

参考例句：

• There is a general awareness that smoking is harmful.人们普遍认识到吸烟有害健康。
• Environmental awareness has increased over the years.这些年来人们的环境意识增强了。

6 judgments   

判断( judgment的名词复数 )； 鉴定； 评价； 审判

参考例句：

• A peculiar austerity marked his judgments of modern life. 他对现代生活的批评带着一种特殊的苛刻。
• He is swift with his judgments. 他判断迅速。

7 solitude   

n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方

参考例句：

• People need a chance to reflect on spiritual matters in solitude. 人们需要独处的机会来反思精神上的事情。
• They searched for a place where they could live in solitude. 他们寻找一个可以过隐居生活的地方。

8 briefly   

adv.简单地，简短地

参考例句：

• I want to touch briefly on another aspect of the problem.我想简单地谈一下这个问题的另一方面。
• He was kidnapped and briefly detained by a terrorist group.他被一个恐怖组织绑架并短暂拘禁。

9 physically   

adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律

参考例句：

• He was out of sorts physically,as well as disordered mentally.他浑身不舒服，心绪也很乱。
• Every time I think about it I feel physically sick.一想起那件事我就感到极恶心。

10 joint   

adj.联合的，共同的；n.关节，接合处；v.连接，贴合

参考例句：

• I had a bad fall,which put my shoulder out of joint.我重重地摔了一跤，肩膀脫臼了。
• We wrote a letter in joint names.我们联名写了封信。

11 graceful   

adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的

参考例句：

• His movements on the parallel bars were very graceful.他的双杠动作可帅了!
• The ballet dancer is so graceful.芭蕾舞演员的姿态是如此的优美。

12 confinement   

n.幽禁，拘留，监禁；分娩；限制，局限

参考例句：

• He spent eleven years in solitary confinement.他度过了11年的单独监禁。
• The date for my wife's confinement was approaching closer and closer.妻子分娩的日子越来越近了。

13 oblivious   

adj.易忘的，遗忘的，忘却的，健忘的

参考例句：

• Mother has become quite oblivious after the illness.这次病后，妈妈变得特别健忘。
• He was quite oblivious of the danger.他完全没有察觉到危险。

14 terrain   

n.地面，地形，地图

参考例句：

• He had made a detailed study of the terrain.他对地形作了缜密的研究。
• He knows the terrain of this locality like the back of his hand.他对这一带的地形了如指掌。

15 merging   

合并（分类）

参考例句：

• Many companies continued to grow by merging with or buying competing firms. 许多公司通过合并或收买竞争对手的公司而不断扩大。 来自英汉非文学 - 政府文件
• To sequence by repeated splitting and merging. 用反复分开和合并的方法进行的排序。