PART 1 CHAPTER
16
W HEN THEY ARE LEAST AWARE THAT ANYONE SEES — IN BED, THE TUB , the bathroom,
strolling the yard, preparing and eating food—I admit to the guilty pleasure of spying on the
so in need of the company of anyone other than myself that I can’t resist. I was raised to be
modest, and Ellen always dowsed the light before we made love regardless of my desire to see
These people are wanton in their intimate moments. They stride about the bedroom naked
and sleep without any nightclothes. Although I’m content with the memory of being enclosed in
Ellen’s primordial3 warmth, I wish we’d allowed ourselves this couple’s freedom. And these
days, vicarious pleasure is the only kind I know.
Now in the empty house, mine once again without the weekend people, I recall my times
for myself. There were no labels, no analysis of what she’d said to me earlier in the day, no
By my reckoning, it has been ninety-two years since anyone has spoken to me. Occasionally,
the man or woman will step into my space close enough to brush my arm or face. Registering
against, or brush by, one another the way cattle in fields establish connections through touch—
and how we are ignorant that this habit keeps us grounded. That is, until those with whom we
are physically9 intimate are gone.
And where is Ellen now? At the age of eighty-five, she’d lived longer than me by eight years.
I never minded the deepening crows’ feet around her eyes, the thickening of her waist, and the
graying of her hair. She was always beautiful in my eyes. After I was beyond her reach, my
her cry out in her sleep—particularly during her last illness. I stroked her forehead and held her
dear hand, but she had no idea of my presence or the comfort I wished to offer. I still seek her at
night. Often, I dream that a young Tom and Ellen embrace in a sunny field, naked bodies
oblivious13 to the rough terrain14 and the dampness of the earth. We never lay unclothed in a field.
vainly search to find myself reflected in her luminescent eyes again. Why do I never see her here
in our home? Why does she appear to me only in this dream?
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1
torments
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(肉体或精神上的)折磨,痛苦( torment的名词复数 ); 造成痛苦的事物[人] | |
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2
supple
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adj.柔软的,易弯的,逢迎的,顺从的,灵活的;vt.使柔软,使柔顺,使顺从;vi.变柔软,变柔顺 | |
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3
primordial
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adj.原始的;最初的 | |
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4
touching
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adj.动人的,使人感伤的 | |
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5
awareness
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n.意识,觉悟,懂事,明智 | |
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6
judgments
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判断( judgment的名词复数 ); 鉴定; 评价; 审判 | |
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7
solitude
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n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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8
briefly
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adv.简单地,简短地 | |
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9
physically
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adj.物质上,体格上,身体上,按自然规律 | |
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10
joint
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adj.联合的,共同的;n.关节,接合处;v.连接,贴合 | |
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11
graceful
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adj.优美的,优雅的;得体的 | |
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12
confinement
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n.幽禁,拘留,监禁;分娩;限制,局限 | |
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13
oblivious
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adj.易忘的,遗忘的,忘却的,健忘的 | |
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14
terrain
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n.地面,地形,地图 | |
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15
merging
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合并(分类) | |
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