PART 2 CHAPTER
37
E ARLY ON, I DEVELOPED THE HABIT OF CONVERSING1 WITH JOHN BIBB. He dwelled there with
me in Augusta. I saw him every day. The mornings were the worst, when cobwebs of sleep still
clung to my wits. He was present when I dashed icy water on my face from the basin and peered
blame. To shorten the time I spent before the damned mirror, I grew a beard.
One day, after I’d been particularly surly to Pa at breakfast, Mary materialized before me on
the porch, anger alight in her blue eyes. “What got into you this morning?”
“Nothing. I’m just fine.”
“You’re not fine. Every day you sit in that rocking chair where you mutter to yourself—
snapping at Ma and Pa needs to stop.”
I thought how simple it was for her to be critical. Hands chalky with flour, she brushed wisps
of auburn hair from her eyes with the back of her wrists as she waited for some response. She
and Tish were baking bread that morning. What could she possibly know about the hell I’d been
through? Folks complain that old scars often act up when it rains, but these invisible ones act up
regardless of weather.
“Why don’t you just go back in the house and mind your own business?” I said.
indignant voice floated toward me as I continued rocking. Reluctantly, I conceded that maybe
family was eating at me. I wasn’t ready to apologize to Mary, but I slinked off the porch and
rounded the side of the house away from the kitchen windows, cutting through the field down to
the mill.
millwheel’s paddles, the grinding of the coarse stones against the corn, and the conversation of
farmers hauling in their sacks kept my mind from festering old wounds.
But I missed all my old fighting comrades. In my heart-sore state, I idly considered visiting
again. Now and then, I puzzled over his absence at our place. Then one day, Mr. Beard, one of
the earliest to bring his harvest in, arrived at our mill with a cow lagging behind on a rope lead.
bagged rye. Thanks to their remote location behind the hills, the family had managed to keep
this beast, all skin and bones, throughout the war.
One more curious thing about those times was what passed for money now that no one had
any. “Smiley, would you consider taking this cow in exchange for services? She’s not much to
and pulled at his suspenders with his thumbs. “She has more than a few years left on her, and if
Miss Baldwin was now taking such exchanges for tuition at her finishing academy in Staunton,
where my sisters would return to their studies of history, literature, mathematics, and
philosophy.
As the two younger fellows positioned sacks against the wall, I emerged from the mill and
embraced them warmly. It was so good to lay eyes on my old friend. “Beards, where’ve you
hurt that he’d made no attempt to contact her. She was now after me constantly, speculating
about reasons for his absence from our lives. “They ask after you frequently, and I wouldn’t
spoken.
since we were set free. He lowered his gaze, “Well, you know how it is; there’s so much
necessary work on the farm. But maybe I’ll come by someday soon.” He turned back to
friend. Jackie threw an apologetic look at me over a bag of rye and shook his head. But I already
suspected Beards wouldn’t be coming around, and I knew it had nothing to do with farm work. I
let him be and busied myself moving sacks—brought low by yet another loss.
She gazed absently at a point beyond the window. “You seem miles away; why such a long
face?” I said.
“Shh—I’ll tell you when Ma and Pa are out of earshot,” she whispered. Waiting until their
conversation was no longer audible as they strolled toward the garden with basket and hoe, she
began: “I’m just back from calling on Sarah Beard. I couldn’t stand Beards’ absence another
minute and thought I’d ask his sister why he’s stayed away. But instead, I saw the most
distressing27 thing.” Her voice shook. “It’s in the corner of the Beard’s yard. A cemetery28 of small
graves has sprung up by the old picket29 fence. Field flowers poke22 out of apothecary30 bottles dug
into the earth everywhere. Sarah says it’s Beards’ doing. He wasn’t there but was off spending
the day in ways he’s taken up since the war. She says he drags home decaying deer carcasses
from the woods, takes brood hens fallen over from old age, broken mice from his mother’s traps,
morning with a burlap sack over his shoulder and returns with dead creatures. His ma and pa
haven’t been able to persuade him in all this time to provide much of a helping hand around the
place.” Beards’ sister then told Mary that he had no interest in anything else, and that this is his
sole industry. “His family doesn’t know when this madness will end,” she said, wiping at her
eyes. “It’s hopeless. I wish I’d never gone.”
I didn’t tell her what I knew. We’d done too much burying, and Beards hadn’t yet let loose of
it.
As days grew shorter and wheat was long ago cut and shocked in the fields, afternoons at the
mill stretched out in solitary33 boredom34. Farmers were now infrequent visitors, and there was little
time, I took to wandering up into the grove38 at the top of the hill, looking for just the right fallen
limb.
One late November afternoon, lifting my eyes from the forest floor where I’d been surveying
line. Clad in his usual black suit and hat with a patch over his eye, he sensed my stare and
turned. He tipped his hat. I shifted my gaze and moved rapidly through the shorn pasture toward
home. But I couldn’t shake the sensation of being followed. When I glanced back over my
seemed bursting with something to say and was trying to match my pace. I picked up speed and
arrived at the house out of breath, firmly closing the back door before he entered the gate.
wandering thoughts. However, his indistinct words never quite jelled there, although I was
certain that he perceived Bibb astride my back that afternoon in the field.
“Pa, what can you tell me about old Tatternook?” I asked one day at the mill. My father was
He leaned on his broom and considered before answering. “Well, son, your mother and I
changed during the war, including our opinion of Tatternook.”
“How so?”
“Well, he proved himself to a be an honorable man, if not any less eccentric. If I didn’t fear
provided the sweet in our food and helped heal that wounded boy Franklin Spragins that we told
you about. And he’s to be thanked these days for trading his precious honey in exchange for
sun. “William, may I impose on your boy here to help me unload the last of my burlap sacks?”
over my own feet, as we approached his rundown wooden wagon. I hefted one of the
It’s up to you.”
“What did you say?” I asked from behind a sack.
will grow his grip around your shoulders until the life will bleed right out of you.” I was
speechless. I could only stare at the ground littered with grain. “It was an accident,” he
continued. “Confess to your pa. He’s a generous soul, and the telling of it will lighten your
burden. Tell as many good folks as you can. None will be as hard on you as you are on yourself.
With time, the guilt will ease.”
he was correct about the leniency60 of folks’ judgment61, especially Pa’s. If I told my family, they’d
know a man had died because of my recklessness. No matter how much time passed, I would
Tatternook touched my arm sympathetically, and his piercing eye locked mine. I shook off
点击收听单词发音
1 conversing | |
v.交谈,谈话( converse的现在分词 ) | |
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2 wavy | |
adj.有波浪的,多浪的,波浪状的,波动的,不稳定的 | |
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3 sweeping | |
adj.范围广大的,一扫无遗的 | |
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4 huddled | |
挤在一起(huddle的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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5 helping | |
n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的,辅助的 | |
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6 bleak | |
adj.(天气)阴冷的;凄凉的;暗淡的 | |
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7 stomped | |
v.跺脚,践踏,重踏( stomp的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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8 miserable | |
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
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9 squandering | |
v.(指钱,财产等)浪费,乱花( squander的现在分词 ) | |
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10 guilt | |
n.犯罪;内疚;过失,罪责 | |
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11 steadily | |
adv.稳定地;不变地;持续地 | |
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12 creek | |
n.小溪,小河,小湾 | |
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13 scoured | |
走遍(某地)搜寻(人或物)( scour的过去式和过去分词 ); (用力)刷; 擦净; 擦亮 | |
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14 wagon | |
n.四轮马车,手推车,面包车;无盖运货列车 | |
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15 puffed | |
adj.疏松的v.使喷出( puff的过去式和过去分词 );喷着汽(或烟)移动;吹嘘;吹捧 | |
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16 calf | |
n.小牛,犊,幼仔,小牛皮 | |
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17 barter | |
n.物物交换,以货易货,实物交易 | |
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18 mighty | |
adj.强有力的;巨大的 | |
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19 pointed | |
adj.尖的,直截了当的 | |
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20 catching | |
adj.易传染的,有魅力的,迷人的,接住 | |
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21 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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22 poke | |
n.刺,戳,袋;vt.拨开,刺,戳;vi.戳,刺,捅,搜索,伸出,行动散慢 | |
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23 hygiene | |
n.健康法,卫生学 (a.hygienic) | |
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24 greasy | |
adj. 多脂的,油脂的 | |
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25 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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26 parlor | |
n.店铺,营业室;会客室,客厅 | |
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27 distressing | |
a.使人痛苦的 | |
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28 cemetery | |
n.坟墓,墓地,坟场 | |
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29 picket | |
n.纠察队;警戒哨;v.设置纠察线;布置警卫 | |
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30 apothecary | |
n.药剂师 | |
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31 gnaw | |
v.不断地啃、咬;使苦恼,折磨 | |
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32 gnawed | |
咬( gnaw的过去式和过去分词 ); (长时间) 折磨某人; (使)苦恼; (长时间)危害某事物 | |
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33 solitary | |
adj.孤独的,独立的,荒凉的;n.隐士 | |
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34 boredom | |
n.厌烦,厌倦,乏味,无聊 | |
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35 tightened | |
收紧( tighten的过去式和过去分词 ); (使)变紧; (使)绷紧; 加紧 | |
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36 whittling | |
v.切,削(木头),使逐渐变小( whittle的现在分词 ) | |
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37 scraps | |
油渣 | |
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38 grove | |
n.林子,小树林,园林 | |
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39 maple | |
n.槭树,枫树,槭木 | |
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40 ambling | |
v.(马)缓行( amble的现在分词 );从容地走,漫步 | |
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41 lone | |
adj.孤寂的,单独的;唯一的 | |
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42 deter | |
vt.阻止,使不敢,吓住 | |
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43 seasonal | |
adj.季节的,季节性的 | |
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44 lull | |
v.使安静,使入睡,缓和,哄骗;n.暂停,间歇 | |
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45 shunned | |
v.避开,回避,避免( shun的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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46 intrudes | |
v.侵入,侵扰,打扰( intrude的第三人称单数 );把…强加于 | |
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47 blasphemy | |
n.亵渎,渎神 | |
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48 doff | |
v.脱,丢弃,废除 | |
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49 behold | |
v.看,注视,看到 | |
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50 shudder | |
v.战粟,震动,剧烈地摇晃;n.战粟,抖动 | |
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51 spine | |
n.脊柱,脊椎;(动植物的)刺;书脊 | |
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52 cumbersome | |
adj.笨重的,不便携带的 | |
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53 clemency | |
n.温和,仁慈,宽厚 | |
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54 compassion | |
n.同情,怜悯 | |
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55 almighty | |
adj.全能的,万能的;很大的,很强的 | |
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56 cub | |
n.幼兽,年轻无经验的人 | |
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57 desperately | |
adv.极度渴望地,绝望地,孤注一掷地 | |
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58 gnawing | |
a.痛苦的,折磨人的 | |
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59 abruptly | |
adv.突然地,出其不意地 | |
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60 leniency | |
n.宽大(不严厉) | |
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61 judgment | |
n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见 | |
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62 lurked | |
vi.潜伏,埋伏(lurk的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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63 grimaced | |
v.扮鬼相,做鬼脸( grimace的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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