PART 2 CHAPTER 38

PART 2 CHAPTER

38

A FTER MY PRISON RELEASE, I HAD BEEN STONE-DEAF TO MY MOTHER’S constant pleas to join

the church. But then she proposed something that changed my mind.

The mill was closed for the winter season, and farm work was reduced to scattering¹ hay twice

a day for Mr. Beard’s cow. Sunny days were in short supply, and I fell into a deepening gloom.

Long, constitutional hikes were my way to escape the women’s hovering³ concern. I stalked the

upper fields, counting footsteps on the butter-tinted hills and pacing off the bristling⁴ tree line.

But as days shortened and the anniversary of Bibb’s killing⁵ approached, even that practice

wasn’t enough.

Dressed warmly for the weather in shawls knotted tightly around her woolen⁶ cape², Ma found

me one afternoon again in a blanket on the porch. Full of righteous purpose, she pulled up a

chair next to me. There was a hint of her old self in her assertive⁷ tone. “Son, I worry day and

night about what ails⁸ you. I lose sleep over it.”

Refusing to meet her probing eyes, I looked across the porch railing as if there was

something of extreme interest tacked⁹ to the tree by the road. “Ah, Ma, I just wish you and the

girls would leave me be. Can’t a man even find peace in his own home? Sometimes I long for

the war again—to get away from all this prying¹⁰ and picking.” As soon as I saw her wounded

expression, I regretted those spiteful words. She was so fragile these days.

Unexpectedly, she persevered¹¹. “You may be as rude as you like, but I’m going to get to the

bottom of this moping about.” She then went on to address her theory for my melancholy¹². A

lack of devotion caused my low spirits, and the only solution was to get myself to New

Jerusalem Church to pray for forgiveness. She told me how she was distraught when I was in

prison. “But I turned to the Lord for salvation¹³, and we were blessed with your homecoming.

You should praise your Maker¹⁴ for bringing you safely back to us.” She continued on in this

vein¹⁵, and eventually veered¹⁶ into some nonsense about a coming apocalypse. I ceased to pay

attention and fell back into my own musings, her irrational¹⁷ conversation deepening my solitary¹⁸

misery¹⁹.

But then Ma said something that sparked my interest. “There are so few who are able-bodied

in the neighborhood these days. Reverend Brown says he’d welcome your assistance keeping

the church account books when you aren’t busy at the mill. You are a good man, but you need to

get busy before the Devil discovers you.”

Something shifted in me that day. An idea began to grow. My greatest dread²⁰ was to be found

out by my family; I needed to do something to redeem²¹ myself, something that might tip the

scales more in my favor than against. An adult life of charity and church involvement might do

it. People would say, “Yes, as a young man he behaved recklessly, but what an upright person

he’s become—always constant in his faith and helping²² others.” Obituaries²³ in The Spectator

consistently cite regular church membership as proof of a life well lived.

But pride kept me from relenting in that moment. Believing her argument had been in vain,

Ma arose with a heavy sigh and went back inside, leaving me to my doldrums. And yet, to her

immense surprise, on Sunday I awakened²⁴ with the rest of the family, donned a pair of brown

canvas pants and a homespun linen²⁵ shirt from before the war, and joined them in a pew at New

Jerusalem, toting Bibb along with me. If Ma wanted to believe that by some miracle I’d been

called, I wouldn’t dissuade²⁶ her. I belted out the words of hymns²⁷ as though I meant them, and I

even allowed myself to become her attentive²⁸ student, studying the Bible chapter and verse every

afternoon in this very library. Gradually, my show of interest seemed to bring her out of the

shadows, and, I hoped, made up for my surliness.

My habits changed, but not my lack of faith in a benevolent²⁹ God. Every Sunday I endured

sermons that warned of wrathful Old Testament³⁰ fire and brimstone. Preachers invoked³¹ a harsh

paternal³² God, and I rejected Him before He could reject me. But there were other consolations³³.

The greatest was meeting my dear Ellen that long-ago day in church. The second was that the

Presbyterian Church required its members to live by the Ten Commandments’ rules and then

those made by the Presbytery, the Church’s governing body. If you were guilty of murder,

fornication, failure to tithe³⁴, adultery, drinking alcohol, and fighting, you were banned from the

church. I felt I needed rules. For four years, I’d lived by the only rule that mattered: kill or be

killed. During that time, my own choices were often flawed. I no longer trusted my judgment³⁵. In

the church, rules were crystal clear. Boundaries were unconditionally³⁶ drawn³⁷ in black and white.

I wholeheartedly embraced that system and worked my way through it. The first step was to

become a Sunday School teacher; then I was promoted to Superintendent³⁸, overseeing four

hundred students and their teachers. By the time my moustache was white, I was elected an

Elder sitting judgment on others. My veneer³⁹ of goodness was irrefutable, bolstered⁴⁰ by my fellow

congregants who voted me into office year after year. The die was cast, and the obituary’s

favorable text assured. I would be lauded⁴¹ as an admirable man in everyone’s opinion but my

own.

1 scattering   

n.[物]散射；散乱，分散；在媒介质中的散播adj.散乱的；分散在不同范围的；广泛扩散的；（选票）数量分散的v.散射(scatter的ing形式)；散布；驱散

参考例句：

• The child felle into a rage and began scattering its toys about. 这孩子突发狂怒，把玩具扔得满地都是。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The farmers are scattering seed. 农夫们在播种。 来自《简明英汉词典》

2 cape   

n.海角，岬；披肩，短披风

参考例句：

• I long for a trip to the Cape of Good Hope.我渴望到好望角去旅行。
• She was wearing a cape over her dress.她在外套上披着一件披肩。

3 hovering   

鸟( hover的现在分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫

参考例句：

• The helicopter was hovering about 100 metres above the pad. 直升机在离发射台一百米的上空盘旋。
• I'm hovering between the concert and the play tonight. 我犹豫不决今晚是听音乐会还是看戏。

4 bristling   

a.竖立的

参考例句：

• "Don't you question Miz Wilkes' word,'said Archie, his beard bristling. "威尔克斯太太的话，你就不必怀疑了。 "阿尔奇说。他的胡子也翘了起来。
• You were bristling just now. 你刚才在发毛。

5 killing   

n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财

参考例句：

• Investors are set to make a killing from the sell-off.投资者准备清仓以便大赚一笔。
• Last week my brother made a killing on Wall Street.上个周我兄弟在华尔街赚了一大笔。

6 woolen   

adj.羊毛(制)的；毛纺的

参考例句：

• She likes to wear woolen socks in winter.冬天她喜欢穿羊毛袜。
• There is one bar of woolen blanket on that bed.那张床上有一条毛毯。

7 assertive   

adj.果断的，自信的，有冲劲的

参考例句：

• She always speaks an assertive tone.她总是以果断的语气说话。
• China appears to have become more assertive in the waters off its coastline over recent years.在近些年，中国显示出对远方海洋的自信。

8 ails   

v.生病( ail的第三人称单数 )；感到不舒服；处境困难；境况不佳

参考例句：

• He will not concede what anything ails his business. 他不允许任何事情来干扰他的工作。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• Measles ails the little girl. 麻疹折磨着这个小女孩。 来自《简明英汉词典》

9 tacked   

用平头钉钉( tack的过去式和过去分词 )； 附加，增补； 帆船抢风行驶，用粗线脚缝

参考例句：

• He tacked the sheets of paper on as carefully as possible. 他尽量小心地把纸张钉上去。
• The seamstress tacked the two pieces of cloth. 女裁缝把那两块布粗缝了起来。

10 prying   

adj.爱打听的v.打听，刺探（他人的私事）( pry的现在分词 )；撬开

参考例句：

• I'm sick of you prying into my personal life! 我讨厌你刺探我的私生活！
• She is always prying into other people's affairs. 她总是打听别人的私事。 来自《简明英汉词典》

11 persevered   

v.坚忍，坚持( persevere的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• She persevered with her violin lessons. 她孜孜不倦地学习小提琴。
• Hard as the conditions were, he persevered in his studies. 虽然条件艰苦，但他仍坚持学习。 来自辞典例句

12 melancholy   

n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的

参考例句：

• All at once he fell into a state of profound melancholy.他立即陷入无尽的忧思之中。
• He felt melancholy after he failed the exam.这次考试没通过，他感到很郁闷。

13 salvation   

n.（尤指基督）救世，超度，拯救，解困

参考例句：

• Salvation lay in political reform.解救办法在于政治改革。
• Christians hope and pray for salvation.基督教徒希望并祈祷灵魂得救。

14 maker   

n.制造者，制造商

参考例句：

• He is a trouble maker，You must be distant with him.他是个捣蛋鬼，你不要跟他在一起。
• A cabinet maker must be a master craftsman.家具木工必须是技艺高超的手艺人。

15 vein   

n.血管，静脉；叶脉，纹理；情绪；vt.使成脉络

参考例句：

• The girl is not in the vein for singing today.那女孩今天没有心情唱歌。
• The doctor injects glucose into the patient's vein.医生把葡萄糖注射入病人的静脉。

16 veered   

v.（尤指交通工具）改变方向或路线( veer的过去式和过去分词 )；（指谈话内容、人的行为或观点）突然改变；（指风） （在北半球按顺时针方向、在南半球按逆时针方向）逐渐转向；风向顺时针转

参考例句：

• The bus veered onto the wrong side of the road. 公共汽车突然驶入了逆行道。
• The truck veered off the road and crashed into a tree. 卡车突然驶离公路撞上了一棵树。 来自《简明英汉词典》

17 irrational   

adj.无理性的，失去理性的

参考例句：

• After taking the drug she became completely irrational.她在吸毒后变得完全失去了理性。
• There are also signs of irrational exuberance among some investors.在某些投资者中是存在非理性繁荣的征象的。

18 solitary   

adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士

参考例句：

• I am rather fond of a solitary stroll in the country.我颇喜欢在乡间独自徜徉。
• The castle rises in solitary splendour on the fringe of the desert.这座城堡巍然耸立在沙漠的边际，显得十分壮美。

19 misery   

n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦

参考例句：

• Business depression usually causes misery among the working class.商业不景气常使工薪阶层受苦。
• He has rescued me from the mire of misery.他把我从苦海里救了出来。

20 dread   

vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧

参考例句：

• We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
• Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。

21 redeem   

v.买回，赎回，挽回，恢复，履行（诺言等）

参考例句：

• He had no way to redeem his furniture out of pawn.他无法赎回典当的家具。
• The eyes redeem the face from ugliness.这双眼睛弥补了他其貌不扬之缺陷。

22 helping   

n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的

参考例句：

• The poor children regularly pony up for a second helping of my hamburger. 那些可怜的孩子们总是要求我把我的汉堡包再给他们一份。
• By doing this, they may at times be helping to restore competition. 这样一来, 他在某些时候,有助于竞争的加强。

23 obituaries   

讣告，讣闻( obituary的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Next time I read about him, I want it in the obituaries. 希望下次读到他的消息的时候，是在仆告里。
• People's obituaries are written while they're still alive? 人们在世的时候就有人给他们写讣告？

24 awakened   

v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到

参考例句：

• She awakened to the sound of birds singing. 她醒来听到鸟的叫声。
• The public has been awakened to the full horror of the situation. 公众完全意识到了这一状况的可怕程度。 来自《简明英汉词典》

25 linen   

n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的

参考例句：

• The worker is starching the linen.这名工人正在给亚麻布上浆。
• Fine linen and cotton fabrics were known as well as wool.精细的亚麻织品和棉织品像羊毛一样闻名遐迩。

26 dissuade   

v.劝阻，阻止

参考例句：

• You'd better dissuade him from doing that.你最好劝阻他别那样干。
• I tried to dissuade her from investing her money in stocks and shares.我曾设法劝她不要投资于股票交易。

27 hymns   

n.赞美诗，圣歌，颂歌( hymn的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• At first, they played the hymns and marches familiar to them. 起初他们只吹奏自己熟悉的赞美诗和进行曲。 来自英汉非文学 - 百科语料821
• I like singing hymns. 我喜欢唱圣歌。 来自辞典例句

28 attentive   

adj.注意的，专心的；关心(别人)的，殷勤的

参考例句：

• She was very attentive to her guests.她对客人招待得十分周到。
• The speaker likes to have an attentive audience.演讲者喜欢注意力集中的听众。

29 benevolent   

adj.仁慈的，乐善好施的

参考例句：

• His benevolent nature prevented him from refusing any beggar who accosted him.他乐善好施的本性使他不会拒绝走上前向他行乞的任何一个乞丐。
• He was a benevolent old man and he wouldn't hurt a fly.他是一个仁慈的老人，连只苍蝇都不愿伤害。

30 testament   

n.遗嘱；证明

参考例句：

• This is his last will and testament.这是他的遗愿和遗嘱。
• It is a testament to the power of political mythology.这说明，编造政治神话可以产生多大的威力。

31 invoked   

v.援引( invoke的过去式和过去分词 )；行使（权利等）；祈求救助；恳求

参考例句：

• It is unlikely that libel laws will be invoked. 不大可能诉诸诽谤法。
• She had invoked the law in her own defence. 她援引法律为自己辩护。 来自《简明英汉词典》

32 paternal   

adj.父亲的，像父亲的，父系的，父方的

参考例句：

• I was brought up by my paternal aunt.我是姑姑扶养大的。
• My father wrote me a letter full of his paternal love for me.我父亲给我写了一封充满父爱的信。

33 consolations   

n.安慰，慰问( consolation的名词复数 )；起安慰作用的人（或事物）

参考例句：

• Recent history had washed away the easy consolations and the old formulas. 现代的历史已经把轻松的安慰和陈旧的公式一扫而光。 来自辞典例句
• When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul. 诗94:19我心里多忧多疑、安慰我、使我欢乐。 来自互联网

34 tithe   

n.十分之一税；v.课什一税，缴什一税

参考例句：

• It's not Christ plus your tithe.这不是基督再加上你的什一税。
• The bible tells us that the tithe is the lords.圣经说十分之一是献给主的。

35 judgment   

n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见

参考例句：

• The chairman flatters himself on his judgment of people.主席自认为他审视人比别人高明。
• He's a man of excellent judgment.他眼力过人。

36 unconditionally   

adv.无条件地

参考例句：

• All foreign troops must be withdrawn immediately and unconditionally. 所有外国军队必须立即无条件地撤出。
• It makes things very awkward to have your girls going back unconditionally just now! 你们现在是无条件上工，真糟糕！ 来自子夜部分

37 drawn   

v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的

参考例句：

• All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
• Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。

38 superintendent   

n.监督人，主管，总监；(英国)警务长

参考例句：

• He was soon promoted to the post of superintendent of Foreign Trade.他很快就被擢升为对外贸易总监。
• He decided to call the superintendent of the building.他决定给楼房管理员打电话。

39 veneer   

n.(墙上的)饰面，虚饰

参考例句：

• For the first time her veneer of politeness began to crack.她温文尔雅的外表第一次露出破绽。
• The panel had a veneer of gold and ivory.这木板上面镶饰了一层金和象牙。

40 bolstered   

v.支持( bolster的过去式和过去分词 )；支撑；给予必要的支持；援助

参考例句：

• He bolstered his plea with new evidence. 他举出新的证据来支持他的抗辩。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• The data must be bolstered by inferences and indirect estimates of varying degrees of reliability. 这些资料必须借助于推理及可靠程度不同的间接估计。 来自辞典例句

41 lauded   

v.称赞，赞美( laud的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• They lauded the former president as a hero. 他们颂扬前总统为英雄。 来自辞典例句
• The nervy feats of the mountaineers were lauded. 登山者有勇气的壮举受到赞美。 来自辞典例句