“Hear, hear!” cried Xanthippe. “I quite agree with the principle of my young friend from Troy. It may be that when we claimed for ourselves all the rights of men that the right to speak and be spoken to by other men without an introduction was included in the list, but I for one have no desire to avail myself of the privilege, especially when it’s a horrid-looking man like this.”
Kidd bowed politely, and smiled so terribly that several of the ladies fainted.
“I will withdraw,” he said, turning to Cleopatra; and it must be said that his suggestion was prompted by his heartfelt wish, for now that he found himself thus conspicuously2 brought before so many women, with falsehood on his lips, his courage began to ooze4.
“Not yet, please,” answered the chair-lady. “I imagine we can get about this difficulty without much trouble.”
“I think it a perfectly5 proper objection too,” observed Delilah, rising. “If we ever needed etiquette6 we need it now. But I have a plan which will obviate7 any further difficulty. If there is no one among us who is sufficiently8 well acquainted with the gentleman to present him formally to us, I will for the time being take upon myself the office of ship’s barber and cut his hair. I understand that it is quite the proper thing for barbers to talk, while cutting their hair, to persons to whom they have not been introduced. And, besides, he really needs a hair-cut badly. Thus I shall establish an acquaintance with the captain, after which I can with propriety9 introduce him to the rest of you.”
“Perhaps the gentleman himself might object to that,” put in Queen Elizabeth. “If I remember rightly, your last customer was very much dissatisfied with the trim you gave him.”
“It will be unnecessary to do what Delilah proposes,” said Mrs. Noah, with a kindly10 smile, as she rose up from the corner in which she had been sitting, an interested listener. “I can introduce the gentleman to you all with perfect propriety. He’s a member of my family. His grandfather was the great-grandson a thousand and eight times removed of my son Shem’s great-grandnephew on his father’s side. His relationship to me is therefore obvious, though from what I know of his reputation I think he takes more after my husband’s ancestors than my own. Willie, dear, these ladies are friends of mine. Ladies, this young man is one of my most famous descendants. He has been a man of many adventures, and he has been hanged once, which, far from making him undesirable11 as an acquaintance, has served merely to render him harmless, and therefore a safe person to know. Now, my son, go ahead and speak your piece.”
The good old spirit sat down, and the scruples12 of the objectors having thus been satisfied, Captain Kidd began.
“Now that I know you all,” he remarked, as pleasantly as he could under the circumstances, “I feel that I can speak more freely, and certainly with a great deal less embarrassment13 than if I were addressing a gathering14 of entire strangers. I am not much of a hand at speaking, and have always felt somewhat nonplussed15 at finding myself in a position of this nature. In my whole career I never experienced but one irresistible16 impulse to make a public address of any length, and that was upon that unhappy occasion to which the greatest and grandest of my great-grandmothers has alluded17, and that only as the chain by which I was suspended in mid-air tightened18 about my vocal19 chords. At that moment I could have talked impromptu20 for a year, so fast and numerously did thoughts of the uttermost import surge upward into my brain; but circumstances over which I had no control prevented the utterance21 of those thoughts, and that speech is therefore lost to the world.”
“He has the gift of continuity,” observed Madame Récamier.
“Ought to be in the United States Senate,” smiled Elizabeth.
“I wish I could make up my mind as to whether he is outrageously22 handsome or desperately23 ugly,” remarked Helen of Troy. “He fascinates me, but whether it is the fascination24 of liking25 or of horror I can’t tell, and it’s quite important.”
“Ladies,” resumed the captain, his uneasiness increasing as he came to the point, “I am but the agent of your respective husbands, fiancés, and other masculine guardians26. The gentlemen who were previously27 the tenants28 of this club-house have delegated to me the important, and I may add highly agreeable, task of showing you the world. They have noted29 of late years the growth of that feeling of unrest which is becoming every day more and more conspicuous3 in feminine circles in all parts of the universe—on the earth, where women are clamoring to vote, and to be allowed to go out late at night without an escort; in Hades, where, as you are no doubt aware, the management of the government has fallen almost wholly into the hands of the Furies; and even in the halls of Jupiter himself, where, I am credibly30 informed, Juno has been taking private lessons in the art of hurling31 thunderbolts—information which the extraordinary quality of recent electrical storms on the earth would seem to confirm. Thunderbolts of late years have been cast hither and yon in a most erratic32 fashion, striking where they were least expected, as those of you who keep in touch with the outer world must be fully33 aware. Now, actuated by their usual broad and liberal motives34, the men of Hades wish to meet the views of you ladies to just that extent that your views are based upon a wise selection, in turn based upon experience, and they have come to me and in so many words have said, ‘Mr. Kidd, we wish the women of Hades to see the world. We want them to be satisfied. We do not like this constantly increasing spirit of unrest. We, who have seen all the life that we care to see, do not ourselves feel equal to the task of showing them about. We will pay you liberally if you will take our House-boat, which they have always been anxious to enter, and personally conduct our beloved ones to Paris, London, and elsewhere. Let them see as much of life as they can stand. Accord them every privilege. Spare no expense; only bring them back again to us safe and sound.’ These were their words, ladies. I asked them why they didn’t come along themselves, saying that even if they were tired of it all, they should make some personal sacrifice to your comfort; and they answered, reasonably and well, that they would be only too glad to do so, but that they feared they might unconsciously seem to exert a repressing influence upon you. ‘We want them to feel absolutely free, Captain Kidd,’ said they, ‘and if we are along they may not feel so.’ The answer was convincing, ladies, and I accepted the commission.”
“But we knew nothing of all this,” interposed Elizabeth. “The subject was not broached35 to us by our husbands, brothers, fiancés, or fathers. My brother, Sir Walter Raleigh—”
“Well, that’s what he is,” retorted Elizabeth, quickly. “I promised to be a sister to him, and I’m going to keep my word. That’s the kind of a queen I am. I was about to remark,” Elizabeth added, turning to the captain, “that my brother, Sir Walter Raleigh, never even hinted at any such plan, and usually he asked my advice in matters of so great importance.”
“That is easily accounted for, madame,” retorted Kidd. “Sir Walter intended this as a little surprise for you, that is all. The arrangements were all placed in his hands, and it was he who bound us all to secrecy37. None of the ladies were to be informed of it.”
“It does not sound altogether plausible,” interposed Portia. “If you ladies do not object, I should like to cross-examine this—ah—gentleman.”
Kidd paled visibly. He was not prepared for any such trial; however, he put as good a face on the matter as he could, and announced his willingness to answer any questions that he might be asked.
“Shall we put him under oath?” asked Cleopatra.
“As you please, ladies,” said the pirate. “A pirate’s word is as good as his bond; but I’ll take an oath if you choose—a half-dozen of ‘em, if need be.”
“I fancy we can get along without that,” said Portia. “Now, Captain Kidd, who first proposed this plan?”
“Socrates,” said Kidd, unblushingly, with a sly glance at Xanthippe.
“What?” cried Xanthippe. “My husband propose anything that would contribute to my pleasure or intellectual advancement38? Bah! Your story is transparently39 false at the outset.”
“Nevertheless,” said Kidd, “the scheme was proposed by Socrates. He said a trip of that kind for Xanthippe would be very restful and health-giving.”
“For me?” cried Xanthippe, sceptically.
“No, madame, for him,” retorted Kidd.
“Ah—ho-ho! That’s the way of it, eh?” said Xanthippe, flushing to the roots of her hair. “Very likely. You—ah—you will excuse my doubting your word, Captain Kidd, a moment since. I withdraw my remark, and in order to make fullest reparation, I beg to assure these ladies that I am now perfectly convinced that you are telling the truth. That last observation is just like my husband, and when I get back home again, if I ever do, well—ha, ha!—we’ll have a merry time, that’s all.”
“And what was—ah—Bassanio’s connection with this affair?” added Portia, hesitatingly.
“He was not informed of it,” said Kidd, archly. “I am not acquainted with Bassanio, my lady, but I overheard Sir Walter enjoining40 upon the others the absolute necessity of keeping the whole affair from Bassanio, because he was afraid he would not consent to it. ‘Bassanio has a most beautiful wife, gentlemen,’ said Sir Walter, ‘and he wouldn’t think of parting with her under any circumstances; therefore let us keep our intentions a secret from him.’ I did not hear whom the gentleman married, madame; but the others, Prince Hamlet, the Duke of Buckingham, and Louis the Fourteenth, all agreed that Mrs. Bassanio was too beautiful a person to be separated from, and that it was better, therefore, to keep Bassanio in the dark as to their little enterprise until it was too late for him to interfere41.”
A pink glow of pleasure suffused42 the lovely countenance43 of the cross-examiner, and it did not require a very sharp eye to see that the wily Kidd had completely won her over to his side. On the other hand, Elizabeth’s brow became as corrugated44 as her ruff, and the spirit of the pirate shivered to the core as he turned and gazed upon that glowering45 face.
“Sir Walter agreed to that, did he?” snapped Elizabeth. “And yet he was willing to part with—ah—his sister.”
“Well, your Majesty,” began Kidd, hesitatingly, “you see it was this way: Sir Walter—er—did say that, but—ah—he—ah—but he added that he of course merely judged—er—this man Bassanio’s feelings by his own in parting from his sister—”
“Did he say sister?” cried Elizabeth.
“Well—no—not in those words,” shuffled46 Kidd, perceiving quickly wherein his error lay, “but—ah—I jumped at the conclusion, seeing his intense enthusiasm for the lady’s beauty and—er—intellectual qualities, that he referred to you, and it is from yourself that I have gained my knowledge as to the fraternal, not to say sororal, relationship that exists between you.”
“That man’s a diplomat47 from Diplomaville!” muttered Sir Henry Morgan, who, with Abeuchapeta and Conrad, was listening at the port without.
“He is that,” said Abeuchapeta, “but he can’t last much longer. He’s perspiring48 like a pitcher49 of ice-water on a hot day, and a spirit of his size and volatile50 nature can’t stand much of that without evaporating. If you will observe him closely you will see that his left arm already has vanished into thin air.”
“By Jove!” whispered Conrad, “that’s a fact! If they don’t let up on him he’ll vanish. He’s getting excessively tenuous51 about the top of his head.”
All of which was only too true. Subjected to a scrutiny52 which he had little expected, the deceitful ambassador of the thieving band was rapidly dissipating, and, as those without had so fearsomely noted, was in imminent53 danger of complete sublimation54, which, in the case of one possessed55 of so little elementary purity, meant nothing short of annihilation. Fortunately for Kidd, however, his wonderful tact56 had stemmed the tide of suspicion. Elizabeth was satisfied with his explanation, and in the minds of at least three of the most influential57 ladies on board, Portia, Xanthippe, and Elizabeth, he had become a creature worthy58 of credence59, which meant that he had nothing more to fear.
“I am prepared, your Majesty,” said Elizabeth, addressing Cleopatra, “to accept from this time on the gentleman’s word. The little that he has already told us is hall-marked with truth. I should like to ask, however, one more question, and that is how our gentleman friends expected to embark60 us upon this voyage without letting us into the secret?”
“Oh, as for that,” replied Kidd, with a deep-drawn sigh of relief, for he too had noticed the gradual evaporation61 of his arm and the incipient62 etherization of his cranium—“as for that, it was simple enough. There was to have been a day set apart for ladies’ day at the club, and when you were all on board we were quietly to weigh anchor and start. The fact that you had anticipated the day, of your own volition63, was telephoned by my scouts64 to me at my headquarters, and that news was by me transmitted by messenger to Sir Walter at Charon’s Glen Island, where the long-talked-of fight between Samson and Goliath was taking place. Raleigh immediately replied, ‘Good! Start at once. Paris first. Unlimited65 credit. Love to Elizabeth.’ Wherefore, ladies,” he added, rising from his chair and walking to the door—“wherefore you are here and in my care. Make yourselves comfortable, and with the aid of the fashion papers which you have already received prepare yourselves for the joys that await you. With the aid of Madame Récamier and Baedeker’s Paris, which you will find in the library, it will be your own fault if when you arrive there you resemble a great many less fortunate women who don’t know what they want.”
With these words Kidd disappeared through the door, and fainted in the arms of Sir Henry Morgan. The strain upon him had been too great.
“A charming fellow,” said Portia, as the pirate disappeared.
“Most attractive,” said Elizabeth.
“Handsome, too, don’t you think?” asked Helen of Troy.
“And truthful66 beyond peradventure,” observed Xanthippe, as she reflected upon the words the captain had attributed to Socrates. “I didn’t believe him at first, but when he told me what my sweet-tempered philosopher had said, I was convinced.”
“He’s a sweet child,” interposed Mrs. Noah, fondly. “One of my favorite grandchildren.”
“Which makes it embarrassing for me to say,” cried Cassandra, starting up angrily, “that he is a base caitiff!”
Had a bomb been dropped in the middle of the room, it could not have created a greater sensation than the words of Cassandra.
“What?” cried several voices at once. “A caitiff?”
“A caitiff with a capital K,” retorted Cassandra. “I know that, because while he was telling his story I was listening to it with one ear and looking forward into the middle of next week with the other—I mean the other eye—and I saw—”
“Yes, you saw?” cried Cleopatra.
“I saw that he was deceiving us. Mark my words, ladies, he is a base caitiff,” replied Cassandra—“a base caitiff.”
“What did you see?” cried Elizabeth, excitedly.
“This,” said Cassandra, and she began a narration67 of future events which I must defer68 to the next chapter. Meanwhile his associates were endeavoring to restore the evaporated portions of the prostrated69 Kidd’s spirit anatomy70 by the use of a steam-atomizer, but with indifferent success. Kidd’s training had not fitted him for an intellectual combat with superior women, and he suffered accordingly.
点击
收听单词发音
收听单词发音 |
1
proceeding
|
|
| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
conspicuously
|
|
| ad.明显地，惹人注目地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
conspicuous
|
|
| adj.明眼的，惹人注目的；炫耀的，摆阔气的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
ooze
|
|
| n.软泥，渗出物；vi.渗出，泄漏；vt.慢慢渗出，流露 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
perfectly
|
|
| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
etiquette
|
|
| n.礼仪，礼节；规矩 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
obviate
|
|
| v.除去，排除，避免，预防 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
sufficiently
|
|
| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
propriety
|
|
| n.正当行为；正当；适当 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
kindly
|
|
| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
undesirable
|
|
| adj.不受欢迎的，不良的，不合意的，讨厌的；n.不受欢迎的人，不良分子 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
scruples
|
|
| n.良心上的不安( scruple的名词复数 )；顾虑，顾忌v.感到于心不安，有顾忌( scruple的第三人称单数 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
embarrassment
|
|
| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
gathering
|
|
| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
nonplussed
|
|
| adj.不知所措的，陷于窘境的v.使迷惑( nonplus的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
irresistible
|
|
| adj.非常诱人的，无法拒绝的，无法抗拒的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
alluded
|
|
| 提及，暗指( allude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
tightened
|
|
| 收紧( tighten的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）变紧； （使）绷紧； 加紧 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
vocal
|
|
| adj.直言不讳的；嗓音的；n.[pl.]声乐节目 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
impromptu
|
|
| adj.即席的，即兴的；adv.即兴的(地)，无准备的(地) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
utterance
|
|
| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
outrageously
|
|
| 凶残地； 肆无忌惮地； 令人不能容忍地； 不寻常地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
desperately
|
|
| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
fascination
|
|
| n.令人着迷的事物，魅力，迷恋 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
liking
|
|
| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
guardians
|
|
| 监护人( guardian的名词复数 )； 保护者，维护者 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
previously
|
|
| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
tenants
|
|
| n.房客( tenant的名词复数 )；佃户；占用者；占有者 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
29
noted
|
|
| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
30
credibly
|
|
| ad.可信地；可靠地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
31
hurling
|
|
| n.爱尔兰式曲棍球v.猛投，用力掷( hurl的现在分词 )；大声叫骂 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
32
erratic
|
|
| adj.古怪的，反复无常的，不稳定的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
33
fully
|
|
| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
34
motives
|
|
| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
35
broached
|
|
| v.谈起( broach的过去式和过去分词 )；打开并开始用；用凿子扩大（或修光）；（在桶上）钻孔取液体 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
36
chuckled
|
|
| 轻声地笑( chuckle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
37
secrecy
|
|
| n.秘密，保密，隐蔽 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
38
advancement
|
|
| n.前进，促进，提升 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
39
transparently
|
|
| 明亮地，显然地，易觉察地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
40
enjoining
|
|
| v.命令( enjoin的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
41
interfere
|
|
| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
42
suffused
|
|
| v.（指颜色、水气等）弥漫于，布满( suffuse的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
43
countenance
|
|
| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
44
corrugated
|
|
| adj.波纹的；缩成皱纹的；波纹面的；波纹状的v.（使某物）起皱褶(corrugate的过去式和过去分词) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
45
glowering
|
|
| v.怒视( glower的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
46
shuffled
|
|
| v.洗（纸牌）( shuffle的过去式和过去分词 )；拖着脚步走；粗心地做；摆脱尘世的烦恼 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
47
diplomat
|
|
| n.外交官，外交家；能交际的人，圆滑的人 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
48
perspiring
|
|
| v.出汗，流汗( perspire的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
49
pitcher
|
|
| n.(有嘴和柄的)大水罐；(棒球)投手 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
50
volatile
|
|
| adj.反复无常的，挥发性的，稍纵即逝的，脾气火爆的；n.挥发性物质 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
51
tenuous
|
|
| adj.细薄的，稀薄的，空洞的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
52
scrutiny
|
|
| n.详细检查，仔细观察 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
53
imminent
|
|
| adj.即将发生的，临近的，逼近的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
54
sublimation
|
|
| n.升华，升华物，高尚化 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
55
possessed
|
|
| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
56
tact
|
|
| n.机敏，圆滑，得体 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
57
influential
|
|
| adj.有影响的，有权势的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
58
worthy
|
|
| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
59
credence
|
|
| n.信用，祭器台，供桌，凭证 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
60
embark
|
|
| vi.乘船，着手，从事，上飞机 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
61
evaporation
|
|
| n.蒸发，消失 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
62
incipient
|
|
| adj.起初的，发端的，初期的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
63
volition
|
|
| n.意志；决意 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
64
scouts
|
|
| 侦察员[机，舰]( scout的名词复数 )； 童子军； 搜索； 童子军成员 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
65
unlimited
|
|
| adj.无限的，不受控制的，无条件的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
66
truthful
|
|
| adj.真实的，说实话的，诚实的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
67
narration
|
|
| n.讲述，叙述；故事；记叙体 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
68
defer
|
|
| vt.推迟，拖延；vi.(to)遵从，听从，服从 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
69
prostrated
|
|
| v.使俯伏，使拜倒( prostrate的过去式和过去分词 )；（指疾病、天气等）使某人无能为力 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
70
anatomy
|
|
| n.解剖学，解剖；功能，结构，组织 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |