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首页 » 经典英文小说 » The mill of silence » CHAPTER XXIII. A LETTER AND AN ANSWER.
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CHAPTER XXIII. A LETTER AND AN ANSWER.
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“You dog!” I said, in a low, stern voice; “tell me the meaning of this.”
 
He gave a little, mocking, airy laugh and, thrusting his hands into his pockets, wheeled round upon me.
 
“What’s your question?” said he.
 
“You know. What have you said to the girl to make her treat me like this?”
 
He raised his eyebrows1 in assumed perplexity.
 
“Really,” he said, “you go a long way to seek. What have I said? How have you behaved, you mean.”
 
“You lie—I don’t! I know her, that’s enough. If you have told her my story——”
 
“If?” he repeated, coolly.
 
“I may add a last chapter to it, in which you’ll figure—that’s all.”
 
He was a little startled, I could see, but retained his sang froid, with an effort.
 
“You jump too much to conclusion, my good fellow. I have said nothing to her about your little affair with Modred as yet.”
 
“That means you intend to hold it over my head as a menace where she is concerned. I know you.”
 
“Then you know a very charming fellow. Why, what a dolt3 you are! Here’s a pother because I play cavalier to a girl whom you throw over in a fit of sulks. I couldn’t do less in common decency4.”
 
“Take care that you do no more. I’m not the only one to reckon with in this business.”
 
“A fig2 for that!” he cried, snapping his fingers. “I’m not to be coerced5 into taking second place if I have a fancy for first.”
 
“I warn you; that’s enough. For the rest, let’s understand one another. I’ll have no more of this sham6 for convention’s sake. We’re enemies, and we’ll be known for enemies. My door’s shut to you. Keep out of my way and think twice before you make me desperate.”
 
With that I turned and strode from him. His mocking laugh came after me again, but I took no notice of it.
 
Should I tell Duke all? I shrunk from the mere7 thought. A coward even then, I dared not confess to him how I had betrayed my trust; what fearful suspicions of the nature of my failure lay dark on my heart. No—I must see Dolly first and force my sentence from her lips.
 
He put down the book he was reading from, as I entered the sitting-room8.
 
“Well,” he said, cheerily, “what success?”
 
I sat away from him, beyond the radiance of the lamp, and affected9 to be busy unlacing my boots.
 
“I can’t say as yet, Duke. Do you mind postponing10 the question for a day or two?”
 
“Of course, if you wish it.” I felt the surprise in his tone. “Mayn’t I ask why?”
 
“Not now, old fellow. I missed my opportunity, that’s all.”
 
“Is anything wrong, Renny?”
 
“Not all right, at least.”
 
“Renny, why shouldn’t it be? I can’t be mistaken as to the direction of her feelings—by my soul, I can’t.”
 
“I’m not so sure,” I said, in a voice of great distress11.
 
He recognized it and stopped questioning me at once.
 
“You want to be alone, I see,” said he, gently. “Well, I’ll be off.”
 
As he passed me, he placed his hand for a moment on my shoulder. The action was tender and sympathetic, but I shrunk under it as if it had been a blow.
 
When the door had closed upon him I rose and sat down at the table. I wrote:
 
“Dear Dolly: I made a fool of myself to-day and have repented12 it ever since in sackcloth and ashes. I had so wished to be alone with you, dear, and it made me mad that he should come between us. He isn’t a good companion for you. I must say it, though he is my brother. Had I thought him so I should have brought him to see you before. I only say this to explain my anger at his appearance, and now I will drop the subject for another, which is the real reason of my writing. I had hoped, so much, dear, to put it to you personally, there in the old forest that we have spent so many happy hours in, but I missed my opportunity and now I am in too much of a fever to wait another week. Dolly, will you be my wife? I can afford a home of my own now, and I shall be glad and grateful if you will consent to become mistress of it. I feel that written words can only sound cold at best; so I will say nothing more here, but just this—if you will have me, I will strive in all things to be your loving and devoted13 husband.
 
“Renalt Trender.”
 
All in a glow of confident tenderness, inspired by the words I had written, I added the address and went out and posted my little missive. Its mere composition, the fact of its now lying in the postbox, a link between us, gave me a chastened sense of relief and satisfaction that was restorative to my injured vanity. The mistake of the morning was reacted upon in time, and I felt that nothing short of a disruption of natural affinities14 could interfere15 to keep back the inevitable16 answer. So assured was I, indeed, that I allowed my thoughts to wander as if for a last farewell, into regions wherein the simple heart of my present could find no way to enter. “Good-by, Zyp,” the voiceless soul of me muttered.
 
That night, looking at Duke’s dark head at rest on the pillow, I thought: “It will be put right to-morrow or the next day, and you, dear friend, need never know what might have followed on my abuse of your trust.” Then I slept peacefully, but my dreams were all of Zyp—not of the other.
 
The next day, at the office, I was careful to keep altogether out of Dolly’s way. Indeed, my work taking me elsewhere, I never once saw her and went home in the evening unenlightened by a single glance from her gray eyes. This, the better policy, I thought, would save us both embarrassment17 and the annoyance18 of any curiosity on the part of her fellow-workers, who would surely be quick to detect a romantic state of affairs between us.
 
Nevertheless, despite my self-confidence, I awaited that evening in some trepidation19 the answer that was to decide the direction of my future.
 
We were sitting at supper when it came, held by one corner in her apron20 by our landlady21, and my face went pale as I saw the schoolgirl superscription.
 
“From Dolly?” murmured Duke.
 
I nodded and broke the seal. My hands trembled and a mist was before my eyes. It ran as follows:
 
“Dear Renny: Thank you very, very much for your kind offer, but I can’t accept it. I thought I had so much to say, and this is all I can think of. I hope it won’t hurt you. It can’t, I know, for long, because now I see I was never really the first in your heart; and your letter don’t sound as if you will find it very difficult to get over. Please forgive me if I’m wrong, but anyhow it’s too late now. I might have once, but I can’t now, Renny. I think perhaps I became a woman all in a moment yesterday. Please don’t write or say a word to me again about this, for I mean it really and truly. Your affectionate friend,
 
Dolly Mellison.”
 
“P. S.—It was a little unfair of you, I must say, not to tell me about that Zyp.”
 
I sat and returned the letter to its folds quite coolly and calmly. If there was fire in me, I kept it under then.
 
“Duke,” I said, quietly, “she has refused me.”
 
He struggled up from his chair. His face was all amazement22 and his voice hoarse23.
 
“Refused you? What have you said? What have you done? Something has happened, I tell you.”
 
“Why? She was at perfect liberty to make her own choice.”
 
“You wrote to her last night?”
 
“Yes.”
 
“Why did you? Why didn’t you do as I understood you intended to yesterday?”
 
“I asked you to leave that question alone for the present.”
 
“You’ve no right to. I——” his face flamed up for a moment. But with a mighty24 effort he fought it under.
 
“Renny,” he said, in a subdued25 voice, “I had no business to speak to you like that. But you don’t know upon what a wheel of torment26 I have been these last weeks. The girl—Dolly—is so much to me, and her happiness——” he broke off almost with a sob27.
 
I sprung to my feet. I could bear it no longer.
 
“Think what you like of me!” I cried. “I have made a muddle28 of the whole business—a wretched, unhappy muddle. But I suffer, too, Duke. I never knew what Miss—Miss Mellison was to me till now, when I have lost her.”
 
“I don’t ask to see her letter. You haven’t misread it by any possibility?”
 
“No—it’s perfectly29 clear. She refuses me and holds out no hope.”
 
He set his frowning brows and fell into a gloomy silence. He took no notice of me even when I told him that I must go into the open air for awhile to walk and try to find surcease of my racking trouble.
 
“Now,” I thought, when I got outside, “for the villainous truth. To strike at me like that! It was worthy31 of him—worthy of him. And I am to blame for leaving them together—I, who pretended to an affection for the girl and was ready to swear to love and protect her forevermore. What a pitiful rag of manliness32! What courage that daren’t even now tell the truth to my friend up there! Friend? He’s done with me, I expect. But for the other. He didn’t give her my history—not he. Perhaps he didn’t as I meant it, but I never dreamed that he would play upon that second stop for his devils of hate to dance to; I never even thought of it. What a hideous33 fool I have been! Oh, Jason, my brother, if it had only been you instead of Modred!”
 
I jerked to a stop. Some formless thoughts had been in my mind to hurry on into the presence of the villain30 who had dealt me such a coward blow, and to drive his slander34 in one red crash down his throat. Now, in an instant, it broke upon me that I had no knowledge of where he lived—that by my own act I had yesterday cut off all communication between us. Perhaps, though, in his cobra-like dogging of me he would be driven before long to seek me out again of his own accord, that he might gloat over the havoc35 he had occasioned. I must bide36 my time as patiently as I could on the chance.
 
Late at night I returned and lay down upon the sofa in the sitting-room. I felt unclean for Duke’s company and would not go up to him. Let me do myself justice. It was not all dread37 of his anger that kept me from him. There was a most lost, sorrowful feeling in me at having thus requited38 all his friendship and his generosity39.
 
As I lay and writhed40 in sickly thought, my eye was attracted by the glimmering41 of some white object set prominently on the mantelpiece. I rose and found it was a letter addressed to me in his handwriting. Foreseeing its contents I tore it open and read:
 
“I think it best that our partnership42 should cease and I find lodging43 elsewhere. You will understand my reasons. Dolly comes first with me, that’s all. It may have been your error; I can’t think it was your willful fault; but that she would have refused you without some good reason I can’t believe. Your manner seems to point to the suspicion that somehow her happiness is threatened. I may be wrong, but I intend to set myself to find out; and until some explanation is forthcoming, I think it best that we should live apart. I shall call here to-morrow during the dinner hour and arrange about having my things moved and settle matters as far as I am concerned. Your friend,
 
Duke Straw.”
 
I stood long with the letter in my hand.
 
“Well, it’s best,” I muttered at last, “and I thought he would do it. He’s my friend still, thank heaven, for he says so. But, oh, Jason, your debt is accumulating!”

点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 eyebrows a0e6fb1330e9cfecfd1c7a4d00030ed5     
眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • Eyebrows stop sweat from coming down into the eyes. 眉毛挡住汗水使其不能流进眼睛。
  • His eyebrows project noticeably. 他的眉毛特别突出。
2 fig L74yI     
n.无花果(树)
参考例句:
  • The doctor finished the fig he had been eating and selected another.这位医生吃完了嘴里的无花果,又挑了一个。
  • You can't find a person who doesn't know fig in the United States.你找不到任何一个在美国的人不知道无花果的。
3 dolt lmKy1     
n.傻瓜
参考例句:
  • He's a first-class dolt who insists on doing things his way.他一意孤行,真是蠢透了。
  • What a donke,dolt and dunce!真是个笨驴,呆子,兼傻瓜!
4 decency Jxzxs     
n.体面,得体,合宜,正派,庄重
参考例句:
  • His sense of decency and fair play made him refuse the offer.他的正直感和公平竞争意识使他拒绝了这一提议。
  • Your behaviour is an affront to public decency.你的行为有伤风化。
5 coerced d9f1e897cffdd8ee96b8978b69159a6b     
v.迫使做( coerce的过去式和过去分词 );强迫;(以武力、惩罚、威胁等手段)控制;支配
参考例句:
  • They were coerced into negotiating a settlement. 他们被迫通过谈判解决。
  • He was coerced into making a confession. 他被迫招供。 来自《简明英汉词典》
6 sham RsxyV     
n./adj.假冒(的),虚伪(的)
参考例句:
  • They cunningly played the game of sham peace.他们狡滑地玩弄假和平的把戏。
  • His love was a mere sham.他的爱情是虚假的。
7 mere rC1xE     
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过
参考例句:
  • That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
  • It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。
8 sitting-room sitting-room     
n.(BrE)客厅,起居室
参考例句:
  • The sitting-room is clean.起居室很清洁。
  • Each villa has a separate sitting-room.每栋别墅都有一间独立的起居室。
9 affected TzUzg0     
adj.不自然的,假装的
参考例句:
  • She showed an affected interest in our subject.她假装对我们的课题感到兴趣。
  • His manners are affected.他的态度不自然。
10 postponing 3ca610c0db966cd6f77cd5d15dc2b28c     
v.延期,推迟( postpone的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • He tried to gain time by postponing his decision. 他想以迟迟不作决定的手段来争取时间。 来自辞典例句
  • I don't hold with the idea of postponing further discussion of the matter. 我不赞成推迟进一步讨论这件事的想法。 来自辞典例句
11 distress 3llzX     
n.苦恼,痛苦,不舒适;不幸;vt.使悲痛
参考例句:
  • Nothing could alleviate his distress.什么都不能减轻他的痛苦。
  • Please don't distress yourself.请你不要忧愁了。
12 repented c24481167c6695923be1511247ed3c08     
对(自己的所为)感到懊悔或忏悔( repent的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He repented his thoughtlessness. 他后悔自己的轻率。
  • Darren repented having shot the bird. 达伦后悔射杀了那只鸟。
13 devoted xu9zka     
adj.忠诚的,忠实的,热心的,献身于...的
参考例句:
  • He devoted his life to the educational cause of the motherland.他为祖国的教育事业贡献了一生。
  • We devoted a lengthy and full discussion to this topic.我们对这个题目进行了长时间的充分讨论。
14 affinities 6d46cb6c8d10f10c6f4b77ba066932cc     
n.密切关系( affinity的名词复数 );亲近;(生性)喜爱;类同
参考例句:
  • Cubism had affinities with the new European interest in Jazz. 主体派和欧洲新近的爵士音乐热有密切关系。 来自辞典例句
  • The different isozymes bind calcium ions with different affinities. 不同的同功酶以不同的亲和力与钙离子相结合。 来自辞典例句
15 interfere b5lx0     
v.(in)干涉,干预;(with)妨碍,打扰
参考例句:
  • If we interfere, it may do more harm than good.如果我们干预的话,可能弊多利少。
  • When others interfere in the affair,it always makes troubles. 别人一卷入这一事件,棘手的事情就来了。
16 inevitable 5xcyq     
adj.不可避免的,必然发生的
参考例句:
  • Mary was wearing her inevitable large hat.玛丽戴着她总是戴的那顶大帽子。
  • The defeat had inevitable consequences for British policy.战败对英国政策不可避免地产生了影响。
17 embarrassment fj9z8     
n.尴尬;使人为难的人(事物);障碍;窘迫
参考例句:
  • She could have died away with embarrassment.她窘迫得要死。
  • Coughing at a concert can be a real embarrassment.在音乐会上咳嗽真会使人难堪。
18 annoyance Bw4zE     
n.恼怒,生气,烦恼
参考例句:
  • Why do you always take your annoyance out on me?为什么你不高兴时总是对我出气?
  • I felt annoyance at being teased.我恼恨别人取笑我。
19 trepidation igDy3     
n.惊恐,惶恐
参考例句:
  • The men set off in fear and trepidation.这群人惊慌失措地出发了。
  • The threat of an epidemic caused great alarm and trepidation.流行病猖獗因而人心惶惶。
20 apron Lvzzo     
n.围裙;工作裙
参考例句:
  • We were waited on by a pretty girl in a pink apron.招待我们的是一位穿粉红色围裙的漂亮姑娘。
  • She stitched a pocket on the new apron.她在新围裙上缝上一只口袋。
21 landlady t2ZxE     
n.女房东,女地主
参考例句:
  • I heard my landlady creeping stealthily up to my door.我听到我的女房东偷偷地来到我的门前。
  • The landlady came over to serve me.女店主过来接待我。
22 amazement 7zlzBK     
n.惊奇,惊讶
参考例句:
  • All those around him looked at him with amazement.周围的人都对他投射出惊异的眼光。
  • He looked at me in blank amazement.他带着迷茫惊诧的神情望着我。
23 hoarse 5dqzA     
adj.嘶哑的,沙哑的
参考例句:
  • He asked me a question in a hoarse voice.他用嘶哑的声音问了我一个问题。
  • He was too excited and roared himself hoarse.他过于激动,嗓子都喊哑了。
24 mighty YDWxl     
adj.强有力的;巨大的
参考例句:
  • A mighty force was about to break loose.一股巨大的力量即将迸发而出。
  • The mighty iceberg came into view.巨大的冰山出现在眼前。
25 subdued 76419335ce506a486af8913f13b8981d     
adj. 屈服的,柔和的,减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词
参考例句:
  • He seemed a bit subdued to me. 我觉得他当时有点闷闷不乐。
  • I felt strangely subdued when it was all over. 一切都结束的时候,我却有一种奇怪的压抑感。
26 torment gJXzd     
n.折磨;令人痛苦的东西(人);vt.折磨;纠缠
参考例句:
  • He has never suffered the torment of rejection.他从未经受过遭人拒绝的痛苦。
  • Now nothing aggravates me more than when people torment each other.没有什么东西比人们的互相折磨更使我愤怒。
27 sob HwMwx     
n.空间轨道的轰炸机;呜咽,哭泣
参考例句:
  • The child started to sob when he couldn't find his mother.孩子因找不到他妈妈哭了起来。
  • The girl didn't answer,but continued to sob with her head on the table.那个女孩不回答,也不抬起头来。她只顾低声哭着。
28 muddle d6ezF     
n.困惑,混浊状态;vt.使混乱,使糊涂,使惊呆;vi.胡乱应付,混乱
参考例句:
  • Everything in the room was in a muddle.房间里每一件东西都是乱七八糟的。
  • Don't work in a rush and get into a muddle.克服忙乱现象。
29 perfectly 8Mzxb     
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地
参考例句:
  • The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
  • Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。
30 villain ZL1zA     
n.反派演员,反面人物;恶棍;问题的起因
参考例句:
  • He was cast as the villain in the play.他在戏里扮演反面角色。
  • The man who played the villain acted very well.扮演恶棍的那个男演员演得很好。
31 worthy vftwB     
adj.(of)值得的,配得上的;有价值的
参考例句:
  • I did not esteem him to be worthy of trust.我认为他不值得信赖。
  • There occurred nothing that was worthy to be mentioned.没有值得一提的事发生。
32 manliness 8212c0384b8e200519825a99755ad0bc     
刚毅
参考例句:
  • She was really fond of his strength, his wholesome looks, his manliness. 她真喜欢他的坚强,他那健康的容貌,他的男子气概。
  • His confidence, his manliness and bravery, turn his wit into wisdom. 他的自信、男子气概和勇敢将他的风趣变为智慧。
33 hideous 65KyC     
adj.丑陋的,可憎的,可怕的,恐怖的
参考例句:
  • The whole experience had been like some hideous nightmare.整个经历就像一场可怕的噩梦。
  • They're not like dogs,they're hideous brutes.它们不像狗,是丑陋的畜牲。
34 slander 7ESzF     
n./v.诽谤,污蔑
参考例句:
  • The article is a slander on ordinary working people.那篇文章是对普通劳动大众的诋毁。
  • He threatened to go public with the slander.他威胁要把丑闻宣扬出去。
35 havoc 9eyxY     
n.大破坏,浩劫,大混乱,大杂乱
参考例句:
  • The earthquake wreaked havoc on the city.地震对这个城市造成了大破坏。
  • This concentration of airborne firepower wrought havoc with the enemy forces.这次机载火力的集中攻击给敌军造成很大破坏。
36 bide VWTzo     
v.忍耐;等候;住
参考例句:
  • We'll have to bide our time until the rain stops.我们必须等到雨停。
  • Bide here for a while. 请在这儿等一会儿。
37 dread Ekpz8     
vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧
参考例句:
  • We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
  • Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。
38 requited 7e241adc245cecc72f302a4bab687327     
v.报答( requite的过去式和过去分词 );酬谢;回报;报复
参考例句:
  • I requited him for his help with a present. 我送他一份礼以答谢他的帮助。 来自辞典例句
  • His kindness was requited with cold contempt. 他的好意被报以 [遭致] 冷淡的轻蔑。 来自辞典例句
39 generosity Jf8zS     
n.大度,慷慨,慷慨的行为
参考例句:
  • We should match their generosity with our own.我们应该像他们一样慷慨大方。
  • We adore them for their generosity.我们钦佩他们的慷慨。
40 writhed 7985cffe92f87216940f2d01877abcf6     
(因极度痛苦而)扭动或翻滚( writhe的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He writhed at the memory, revolted with himself for that temporary weakness. 他一想起来就痛悔不已,只恨自己当一时糊涂。
  • The insect, writhed, and lay prostrate again. 昆虫折腾了几下,重又直挺挺地倒了下去。
41 glimmering 7f887db7600ddd9ce546ca918a89536a     
n.微光,隐约的一瞥adj.薄弱地发光的v.发闪光,发微光( glimmer的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • I got some glimmering of what he was driving at. 他这么说是什么意思,我有点明白了。 来自辞典例句
  • Now that darkness was falling, only their silhouettes were outlined against the faintly glimmering sky. 这时节两山只剩余一抹深黑,赖天空微明为画出一个轮廓。 来自汉英文学 - 散文英译
42 partnership NmfzPy     
n.合作关系,伙伴关系
参考例句:
  • The company has gone into partnership with Swiss Bank Corporation.这家公司已经和瑞士银行公司建立合作关系。
  • Martin has taken him into general partnership in his company.马丁已让他成为公司的普通合伙人。
43 lodging wRgz9     
n.寄宿,住所;(大学生的)校外宿舍
参考例句:
  • The bill is inclusive of the food and lodging. 账单包括吃、住费用。
  • Where can you find lodging for the night? 你今晚在哪里借宿?


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