As spots on ermine beautify the skin.”
When Griselda thought that her husband had long enough enjoyed his new existence, and that there was danger of his forgetting the taste of sorrow, she changed her tone. — One day, when he had not returned home exactly at the appointed minute, she received him with a frown — such as would have made even Mars himself recoil1, if Mars could have beheld2 such a frown upon the brow of his Venus.
“Dinner has been kept waiting for you this hour, my dear.”
“I am very sorry for it; but why did you wait, my dear? I am really very sorry I am so late, but (looking at his watch) it is only half past six by me.”
“It is seven by me.”
They presented their watches to each other; he, in an apologetical, she, in a reproachful attitude.
“I rather think you are too fast, my dear,” said the gentleman.
“I am very sure you are too slow, my dear,” said the lady.
“My watch never loses a minute in the four-and-twenty hours,” said he.
“Nor mine a second,” said she.
“I have reason to believe I am right, my love,” said the husband, mildly.
“Reason!” exclaimed the wife, astonished; “what reason can you possibly have to believe you are right, when I tell you I am morally certain you are wrong, my love?”
“My only reason is, that I set my watch by the sun to-day.”
“The sun must be wrong, then,” cried the lady, hastily. —“You need not laugh; for I know what I am saying — the variation, the declination, must be allowed for in computing3 it with the clock. Now you know perfectly4 well what I mean, though you will not explain it for me, because you are conscious I am in the right.”
“Well, my dear, if you are conscious of it, that is sufficient. We will not dispute any more about such a trifle. — Are they bringing up dinner?”
“If they know that you are come in; but I am sure I cannot tell whether they do or not. — Pray, my dear Mrs. Nettleby,” cried the lady, turning to a female friend, and still holding her watch in her hand, “what o’clock is it by you? There is nobody in the world hates disputing about trifles as much as I do; but I own I do love to convince people that I am in the right.”
Mrs. Nettleby’s watch had stopped. How provoking! — Vexed5 at having no immediate6 means of convincing people that she was in the right, our heroine consoled herself by proceeding7 to criminate her husband, not in this particular instance, where he pleaded guilty, but upon the general charge of being always late for dinner, which he strenuously8 denied.
There is something in the species of reproach, which advances thus triumphantly9 from particulars to generals, peculiarly offensive to every reasonable and susceptible10 mind: and there is something in the general charge of being always late for dinner, which the punctuality of man’s nature cannot easily endure, especially if he be hungry. We should humbly11 advise our female friends to forbear exposing a husband’s patience to this trial, or at least to temper it with much fondness, else mischief12 will infallibly ensue. For the first time Griselda saw her husband angry; but she recovered him by saying, in a softened13 tone, “My love, you must be sensible that I can have but one reason for being so impatient for your return home. — If I liked your company less, I should not complain so much of your want of punctuality.”
Finding that this speech had the desired effect, it was afterwards repeated with variations whenever her husband stayed from home to enjoy any species of amusement, or to gratify any of his friends. When he betrayed symptoms of impatience14 under this constraint15, the expostulations became more urgent, if not more forcible.
“Indeed, my dear, I take it rather unkindly of you that you pay so little attention to my feelings —”
“I see I am of no consequence to you now; I find every body’s society is preferred to mine: it was not always so. — Well! it is what I might have expected —”
“Heigho! — Heigho! —”
Griselda’s sighs were still persuasive16, and her husband, notwithstanding that he felt the restraints which daily multiplied upon his time and upon his personal liberty becoming irksome, had not the barbarity to give pain to the woman by whom he was so tenderly beloved. He did not consider that in this case, as well as in many others, apparent mercy is real cruelty. The more this monopolizing17 humour of his wife’s was indulged, the more insatiable it became. Every person, every thing but herself, was to be excluded from his heart; and when this sole patent for pleasure was granted to her, she became rather careless in its exercise, as those are apt to be who fear no competitors. In proportion as her endeavours to please abated18, her expectations of being adored increased: the slightest word of blame, the most remote hint that any thing in her conduct, manners, or even dress, could be altered for the better, was the signal for battle or for tears.
One night she wept for an hour, and debated for two, about an alteration19 in her head-dress, which her husband unluckily happened to say made it more becoming. More becoming! implied that it was before unbecoming. She recollected20 the time when every thing she wore was becoming in his eyes — but that time, alas21! was completely past; and she only wished that she could forget that it had ever been.
“To have been happy is additional misery22.”
This misery may appear comic to some people, but it certainly was not so to our heroine’s unfortunate husband. It was in vain that, in mitigation of his offence, he pleaded total want of knowledge in the arcana of the toilette, absolute inferiority of taste, and a willing submission23 to the decrees of fashion.
This submission was called indifference24 — this calmness construed25 into contempt. He stood convicted of having said that the lady’s dress was unbecoming — she was certain that he thought more than he said, and that every thing about her was grown disagreeable to him.
It was in vain he represented that his affection had not been created, and could not be annihilated26, by such trifles; that it rested on the solid basis of esteem27.
“Esteem!” cried his wife —“that is the unkindest stroke of all! When a man begins to talk of esteem, there is an end of love.”
To illustrate28 this position, the fair one, as well as the disorder29 of her mind would permit, entered into a refined disquisition, full of all the metaphysics of gallantry, which proved that love — genuine love — is an ?thereal essence, a union of souls, regulated by none of those formal principles, and founded upon none of those vulgar moral qualities on which friendship, and the other connexions of society, depend. Far, far above the jurisdiction30 of reason, true love creates perfect sympathy in taste, and an absolute identity of opinion upon all subjects, physical, metaphysical, moral, political, and economic. After having thus established her theory, her practice was wonderfully consistent, and she reasonably expected from her husband the most exact conformity31 to her principles — of course, his five senses and his understanding were to be identified with hers. If he saw, heard, felt, or understood differently from her, he did not, could not, love her. Once she was offended by his liking32 white better than black; at another time she was angry with him for loving the taste of mushrooms. One winter she quarrelled with him for not admiring the touch of satin, and one summer she was jealous of him for listening to the song of a blackbird. Then because he could not prefer to all other odours the smell of jessamine, she was ready “to die of a rose in aromatic33 pain.” The domain34 of taste, in the more enlarged sense of the word, became a glorious field of battle, and afforded subjects of inextinguishable war. Our heroine was accomplished35, and knew how to make all her accomplishments36 and her knowledge of use. As she was mistress not only of the pencil, but of all “the cant37 of criticism,” had infinite advantages in the wordy war. From the beau ideal to the choice of a snuffer-dish, all came within her province, and was to be submitted, without appeal, to her instinctive38 sense of moral order. — Happy fruits of knowledge! — Happy those who can thus enlarge their intellectual dominion39, and can vary eternally the dear delight of giving pain. The range of opinion was still more ample than the province of taste, affording scope for all the joys of assertion and declamation40 — for the opposing of learned and unlearned authorities — for the quoting the opinions of friends — counting voices instead of arguments — wondering at the absurdity41 of those who can be of a different way of thinking — appealing to the judgment42 of the whole world — or resting perfectly satisfied with her own. Sometimes the most important, sometimes the most trivial, and seemingly uninteresting subjects, gave exercise to Griselda’s powers; and in all cases being entirely43 of her opinion was the only satisfactory proof of love.
Our heroine knew how, with able generalship, to take advantage of time and situation. — Just before the birth of their child, which, by-the-bye, was born dead, a dispute arose between the husband and wife concerning public and private education, which, from its vehemence44, alarmed the gentleman into a perfect conviction that he was in the wrong. Scarcely had Griselda gained this point, when a question arose at the tea-table respecting the Chinese method of making tea. It was doubted by some of the company whether it was made in a tea-pot or a tea-cup. Griselda gave her opinion loudly for the tea-pot — her lord and master inclined to the tea-cup; and as neither of them had been in China, they could debate without fear of coming to a conclusion. The subject seemed at first insignificant45; but the lady’s method of managing it supplied all deficiencies, and roused all the passions of human nature on the one side or the other. Victory hung doubtful; but our heroine won the day by taking time into the account. — Her adversary46 was in a hurry to go to meet some person on business, and quitted the field of battle.
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1
recoil
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| vi.退却，退缩，畏缩 | |
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2
beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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3
computing
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| n.计算 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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vexed
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| adj.争论不休的；（指问题等）棘手的；争论不休的问题；烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论 | |
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6
immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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7
proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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strenuously
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| adv.奋发地，费力地 | |
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9
triumphantly
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| ad.得意洋洋地；得胜地；成功地 | |
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susceptible
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| adj.过敏的，敏感的；易动感情的，易受感动的 | |
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humbly
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| adv. 恭顺地，谦卑地 | |
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12
mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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13
softened
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| （使）变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 )； 缓解打击； 缓和； 安慰 | |
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14
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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constraint
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| n.(on)约束，限制；限制(或约束)性的事物 | |
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persuasive
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| adj.有说服力的，能说得使人相信的 | |
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monopolizing
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| v.垄断( monopolize的现在分词 )；独占；专卖；专营 | |
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18
abated
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| 减少( abate的过去式和过去分词 )； 减去； 降价； 撤消（诉讼） | |
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19
alteration
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| n.变更，改变；蚀变 | |
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recollected
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| adj.冷静的；镇定的；被回忆起的；沉思默想的v.记起，想起( recollect的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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21
alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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submission
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| n.服从，投降；温顺，谦虚；提出 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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construed
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| v.解释（陈述、行为等）( construe的过去式和过去分词 )；翻译，作句法分析 | |
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26
annihilated
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| v.（彻底）消灭( annihilate的过去式和过去分词 )；使无效；废止；彻底击溃 | |
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27
esteem
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| n.尊敬，尊重；vt.尊重，敬重；把…看作 | |
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28
illustrate
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| v.举例说明，阐明；图解，加插图 | |
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disorder
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| n.紊乱，混乱；骚动，骚乱；疾病，失调 | |
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30
jurisdiction
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| n.司法权，审判权，管辖权，控制权 | |
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conformity
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| n.一致，遵从，顺从 | |
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32
liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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aromatic
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| adj.芳香的，有香味的 | |
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domain
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| n.(活动等)领域，范围；领地，势力范围 | |
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35
accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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accomplishments
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| n.造诣；完成( accomplishment的名词复数 )；技能；成绩；成就 | |
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cant
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| n.斜穿，黑话，猛扔 | |
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38
instinctive
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| adj.(出于)本能的；直觉的；(出于)天性的 | |
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dominion
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| n.统治，管辖，支配权；领土，版图 | |
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40
declamation
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| n. 雄辩，高调 | |
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41
absurdity
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| n.荒谬，愚蠢；谬论 | |
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42
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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43
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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44
vehemence
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| n.热切；激烈；愤怒 | |
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45
insignificant
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| adj.无关紧要的，可忽略的，无意义的 | |
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46
adversary
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| adj.敌手，对手 | |
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