Well, such a direct person I regard as the real normal man, as his tender mother nature wished to see him when she graciously brought him into being on the earth. I envy such a man till I am green in the face. He is stupid. I am not disputing that, but perhaps the normal man should be stupid, how do you know? Perhaps it is very beautiful, in fact. And I am the more persuaded of that suspicion, if one can call it so, by the fact that if you take, for instance, the antithesis6 of the normal man, that is, the man of acute consciousness, who has come, of course, not out of the lap of nature but out of a retort (this is almost mysticism, gentlemen, but I suspect this, too), this retort-made man is sometimes so nonplussed in the presence of his antithesis that with all his exaggerated consciousness he genuinely thinks of himself as a mouse and not a man. It may be an acutely conscious mouse, yet it is a mouse, while the other is a man, and therefore, et caetera, et caetera. And the worst of it is, he himself, his very own self, looks on himself as a mouse; no one asks him to do so; and that is an important point. Now let us look at this mouse in action. Let us suppose, for instance, that it feels insulted, too (and it almost always does feel insulted), and wants to revenge itself, too. There may even be a greater accumulation of spite in it than in L’HOMME DE LA NATURE ET DE LA VERITE. The base and nasty desire to vent7 that spite on its assailant rankles8 perhaps even more nastily in it than in L’HOMME DE LA NATURE ET DE LA VERITE. For through his innate9 stupidity the latter looks upon his revenge as justice pure and simple; while in consequence of his acute consciousness the mouse does not believe in the justice of it. To come at last to the deed itself, to the very act of revenge. Apart from the one fundamental nastiness the luckless mouse succeeds in creating around it so many other nastinesses in the form of doubts and questions, adds to the one question so many unsettled questions that there inevitably10 works up around it a sort of fatal brew11, a stinking12 mess, made up of its doubts, emotions, and of the contempt spat13 upon it by the direct men of action who stand solemnly about it as judges and arbitrators, laughing at it till their healthy sides ache. Of course the only thing left for it is to dismiss all that with a wave of its paw, and, with a smile of assumed contempt in which it does not even itself believe, creep ignominiously14 into its mouse-hole. There in its nasty, stinking, underground home our insulted, crushed and ridiculed16 mouse promptly17 becomes absorbed in cold, malignant18 and, above all, everlasting19 spite. For forty years together it will remember its injury down to the smallest, most ignominious15 details, and every time will add, of itself, details still more ignominious, spitefully teasing and tormenting20 itself with its own imagination. It will itself be ashamed of its imaginings, but yet it will recall it all, it will go over and over every detail, it will invent unheard of things against itself, pretending that those things might happen, and will forgive nothing. Maybe it will begin to revenge itself, too, but, as it were, piecemeal21, in trivial ways, from behind the stove, incognito22, without believing either in its own right to vengeance23, or in the success of its revenge, knowing that from all its efforts at revenge it will suffer a hundred times more than he on whom it revenges itself, while he, I daresay, will not even scratch himself. On its deathbed it will recall it all over again, with interest accumulated over all the years and . . .
But it is just in that cold, abominable24 half despair, half belief, in that conscious burying oneself alive for grief in the underworld for forty years, in that acutely recognised and yet partly doubtful hopelessness of one’s position, in that hell of unsatisfied desires turned inward, in that fever of oscillations, of resolutions determined25 for ever and repented26 of again a minute later — that the savour of that strange enjoyment27 of which I have spoken lies. It is so subtle, so difficult of analysis, that persons who are a little limited, or even simply persons of strong nerves, will not understand a single atom of it. “Possibly,” you will add on your own account with a grin, “people will not understand it either who have never received a slap in the face,” and in that way you will politely hint to me that I, too, perhaps, have had the experience of a slap in the face in my life, and so I speak as one who knows. I bet that you are thinking that. But set your minds at rest, gentlemen, I have not received a slap in the face, though it is absolutely a matter of indifference28 to me what you may think about it. Possibly, I even regret, myself, that I have given so few slaps in the face during my life. But enough . . . not another word on that subject of such extreme interest to you.
I will continue calmly concerning persons with strong nerves who do not understand a certain refinement29 of enjoyment. Though in certain circumstances these gentlemen bellow30 their loudest like bulls, though this, let us suppose, does them the greatest credit, yet, as I have said already, confronted with the impossible they subside31 at once. The impossible means the stone wall! What stone wall? Why, of course, the laws of nature, the deductions32 of natural science, mathematics. As soon as they prove to you, for instance, that you are descended33 from a monkey, then it is no use scowling34, accept it for a fact. When they prove to you that in reality one drop of your own fat must be dearer to you than a hundred thousand of your fellow-creatures, and that this conclusion is the final solution of all so-called virtues35 and duties and all such prejudices and fancies, then you have just to accept it, there is no help for it, for twice two is a law of mathematics. Just try refuting it.
“Upon my word, they will shout at you, it is no use protesting: it is a case of twice two makes four! Nature does not ask your permission, she has nothing to do with your wishes, and whether you like her laws or dislike them, you are bound to accept her as she is, and consequently all her conclusions. A wall, you see, is a wall . . . and so on, and so on.”
Merciful Heavens! but what do I care for the laws of nature and arithmetic, when, for some reason I dislike those laws and the fact that twice two makes four? Of course I cannot break through the wall by battering36 my head against it if I really have not the strength to knock it down, but I am not going to be reconciled to it simply because it is a stone wall and I have not the strength.
As though such a stone wall really were a consolation37, and really did contain some word of conciliation38, simply because it is as true as twice two makes four. Oh, absurdity39 of absurdities40! How much better it is to understand it all, to recognise it all, all the impossibilities and the stone wall; not to be reconciled to one of those impossibilities and stone walls if it disgusts you to be reconciled to it; by the way of the most inevitable41, logical combinations to reach the most revolting conclusions on the everlasting theme, that even for the stone wall you are yourself somehow to blame, though again it is as clear as day you are not to blame in the least, and therefore grinding your teeth in silent impotence to sink into luxurious42 inertia43, brooding on the fact that there is no one even for you to feel vindictive44 against, that you have not, and perhaps never will have, an object for your spite, that it is a sleight45 of hand, a bit of juggling46, a card- sharper’s trick, that it is simply a mess, no knowing what and no knowing who, but in spite of all these uncertainties47 and jugglings, still there is an ache in you, and the more you do not know, the worse the ache.
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1
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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nonplussed
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| adj.不知所措的，陷于窘境的v.使迷惑( nonplus的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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3
evasion
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| n.逃避，偷漏(税) | |
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sincerity
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| n.真诚，诚意；真实 | |
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soothing
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| adj.慰藉的；使人宽心的；镇静的 | |
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antithesis
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| n.对立；相对 | |
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7
vent
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| n.通风口，排放口；开衩；vt.表达，发泄 | |
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8
rankles
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| v.（使）痛苦不已，（使）怨恨不已( rankle的第三人称单数 ) | |
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9
innate
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| adj.天生的，固有的，天赋的 | |
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inevitably
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| adv.不可避免地；必然发生地 | |
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11
brew
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| v.酿造，调制 | |
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stinking
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| adj.臭的，烂醉的，讨厌的v.散发出恶臭( stink的现在分词 )；发臭味；名声臭；糟透 | |
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13
spat
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| n.口角，掌击；v.发出呼噜呼噜声 | |
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ignominiously
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| adv.耻辱地，屈辱地，丢脸地 | |
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ignominious
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| adj.可鄙的，不光彩的，耻辱的 | |
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ridiculed
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| v.嘲笑，嘲弄，奚落( ridicule的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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17
promptly
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| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
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malignant
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| adj.恶性的，致命的；恶意的，恶毒的 | |
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everlasting
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| adj.永恒的，持久的，无止境的 | |
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20
tormenting
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| 使痛苦的，使苦恼的 | |
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piecemeal
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| adj.零碎的；n.片，块；adv.逐渐地；v.弄成碎块 | |
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incognito
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| adv.匿名地；n.隐姓埋名；adj.化装的，用假名的，隐匿姓名身份的 | |
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vengeance
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| n.报复，报仇，复仇 | |
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24
abominable
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| adj.可厌的，令人憎恶的 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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repented
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| 对（自己的所为）感到懊悔或忏悔( repent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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refinement
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| n.文雅；高尚；精美；精制；精炼 | |
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bellow
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| v.吼叫，怒吼；大声发出，大声喝道 | |
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31
subside
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| vi.平静，平息；下沉，塌陷，沉降 | |
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32
deductions
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| 扣除( deduction的名词复数 )； 结论； 扣除的量； 推演 | |
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33
descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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34
scowling
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| 怒视，生气地皱眉( scowl的现在分词 ) | |
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virtues
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| 美德( virtue的名词复数 )； 德行； 优点； 长处 | |
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36
battering
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| n.用坏，损坏v.连续猛击( batter的现在分词 ) | |
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37
consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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38
conciliation
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| n.调解，调停 | |
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absurdity
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| n.荒谬，愚蠢；谬论 | |
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absurdities
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| n.极端无理性( absurdity的名词复数 )；荒谬；谬论；荒谬的行为 | |
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41
inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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42
luxurious
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| adj.精美而昂贵的；豪华的 | |
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43
inertia
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| adj.惰性，惯性，懒惰，迟钝 | |
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44
vindictive
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| adj.有报仇心的，怀恨的，惩罚的 | |
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45
sleight
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| n.技巧，花招 | |
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46
juggling
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| n. 欺骗, 杂耍(=jugglery) adj. 欺骗的, 欺诈的 动词juggle的现在分词 | |
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47
uncertainties
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| 无把握( uncertainty的名词复数 )； 不确定； 变化不定； 无把握、不确定的事物 | |
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