CHAPTER XXXVI— A FLY-LEAF IN A LIFE

Once upon a time (no matter when), I was engaged in a pursuit (no matter what), which could be transacted¹ by myself alone; in which I could have no help; which imposed a constant strain on the attention, memory, observation, and physical powers; and which involved an almost fabulous² amount of change of place and rapid railway travelling. I had followed this pursuit through an exceptionally trying winter in an always trying climate, and had resumed it in England after but a brief repose³. Thus it came to be prolonged until, at length — and, as it seemed, all of a sudden — it so wore me out that I could not rely, with my usual cheerful confidence, upon myself to achieve the constantly recurring⁴ task, and began to feel (for the first time in my life) giddy, jarred, shaken, faint, uncertain of voice and sight and tread and touch, and dull of spirit. The medical advice I sought within a few hours, was given in two words: ‘instant rest.’ Being accustomed to observe myself as curiously⁵ as if I were another man, and knowing the advice to meet my only need, I instantly halted in the pursuit of which I speak, and rested.

My intention was, to interpose, as it were, a fly-leaf in the book of my life, in which nothing should be written from without for a brief season of a few weeks. But some very singular experiences recorded themselves on this same fly-leaf, and I am going to relate them literally⁶. I repeat the word: literally.

My first odd experience was of the remarkable⁷ coincidence between my case, in the general mind, and one Mr. Merdle’s as I find it recorded in a work of fiction called LITTLE DORRIT. To be sure, Mr. Merdle was a swindler, forger⁸, and thief, and my calling had been of a less harmful (and less remunerative) nature; but it was all one for that.

Here is Mr. Merdle’s case:

‘At first, he was dead of all the diseases that ever were known, and of several bran-new maladies invented with the speed of Light to meet the demand of the occasion. He had concealed⁹ a dropsy from infancy¹⁰, he had inherited a large estate of water on the chest from his grandfather, he had had an operation performed upon him every morning of his life for eighteen years, he had been subject to the explosion of important veins¹¹ in his body after the manner of fireworks, he had had something the matter with his lungs, he had had something the matter with his heart, he had had something the matter with his brain. Five hundred people who sat down to breakfast entirely¹² uninformed on the whole subject, believed before they had done breakfast, that they privately¹³ and personally knew Physician to have said to Mr. Merdle, “You must expect to go out, some day, like the snuff of a candle;” and that they knew Mr. Merdle to have said to Physician, “A man can die but once.” By about eleven o’clock in the forenoon, something the matter with the brain, became the favourite theory against the field; and by twelve the something had been distinctly ascertained¹⁴ to be “Pressure.”

‘Pressure was so entirely satisfactory to the public mind, and seemed to make every one so comfortable, that it might have lasted all day but for Bar’s having taken the real state of the case into Court at half-past nine. Pressure, however, so far from being overthrown¹⁵ by the discovery, became a greater favourite than ever. There was a general moralising upon Pressure, in every street. All the people who had tried to make money and had not been able to do it, said, There you were! You no sooner began to devote yourself to the pursuit of wealth, than you got Pressure. The idle people improved the occasion in a similar manner. See, said they, what you brought yourself to by work, work, work! You persisted in working, you overdid¹⁶ it, Pressure came on, and you were done for! This consideration was very potent¹⁷ in many quarters, but nowhere more so than among the young clerks and partners who had never been in the slightest danger of overdoing¹⁸ it. These, one and all declared, quite piously¹⁹, that they hoped they would never forget the warning as long as they lived, and that their conduct might be so regulated as to keep off Pressure, and preserve them, a comfort to their friends, for many years.’

Just my case — if I had only known it — when I was quietly basking²⁰ in the sunshine in my Kentish meadow!

But while I so rested, thankfully recovering every hour, I had experiences more odd than this. I had experiences of spiritual conceit²¹, for which, as giving me a new warning against that curse of mankind, I shall always feel grateful to the supposition that I was too far gone to protest against playing sick lion to any stray donkey with an itching²² hoof²³. All sorts of people seemed to become vicariously religious at my expense. I received the most uncompromising warning that I was a Heathen: on the conclusive²⁴ authority of a field preacher, who, like the most of his ignorant and vain and daring class, could not construct a tolerable sentence in his native tongue or pen a fair letter. This inspired individual called me to order roundly, and knew in the freest and easiest way where I was going to, and what would become of me if I failed to fashion myself on his bright example, and was on terms of blasphemous²⁵ confidence with the Heavenly Host. He was in the secrets of my heart, and in the lowest soundings of my soul — he! — and could read the depths of my nature better than his A B C, and could turn me inside out, like his own clammy glove. But what is far more extraordinary than this — for such dirty water as this could alone be drawn²⁶ from such a shallow and muddy source — I found from the information of a beneficed clergyman, of whom I never heard and whom I never saw, that I had not, as I rather supposed I had, lived a life of some reading, contemplation, and inquiry²⁷; that I had not studied, as I rather supposed I had, to inculcate some Christian²⁸ lessons in books; that I had never tried, as I rather supposed I had, to turn a child or two tenderly towards the knowledge and love of our Saviour²⁹; that I had never had, as I rather supposed I had had, departed friends, or stood beside open graves; but that I had lived a life of ‘uninterrupted prosperity,’ and that I needed this ‘check, overmuch,’ and that the way to turn it to account was to read these sermons and these poems, enclosed, and written and issued by my correspondent! I beg it may be understood that I relate facts of my own uncommercial experience, and no vain imaginings. The documents in proof lie near my hand.

Another odd entry on the fly-leaf, of a more entertaining character, was the wonderful persistency³⁰ with which kind sympathisers assumed that I had injuriously coupled with the so suddenly relinquished³¹ pursuit, those personal habits of mine most obviously incompatible³² with it, and most plainly impossible of being maintained, along with it. As, all that exercise, all that cold bathing, all that wind and weather, all that uphill training — all that everything else, say, which is usually carried about by express trains in a portmanteau and hat-box, and partaken of under a flaming row of gas-lights in the company of two thousand people. This assuming of a whole case against all fact and likelihood, struck me as particularly droll³³, and was an oddity of which I certainly had had no adequate experience in life until I turned that curious fly-leaf.

My old acquaintances the begging-letter writers came out on the fly-leaf, very piously indeed. They were glad, at such a serious crisis, to afford me another opportunity of sending that Post-office order. I needn’t make it a pound, as previously³⁴ insisted on; ten shillings might ease my mind. And Heaven forbid that they should refuse, at such an insignificant³⁵ figure, to take a weight off the memory of an erring³⁶ fellow-creature! One gentleman, of an artistic³⁷ turn (and copiously³⁸ illustrating³⁹ the books of the Mendicity Society), thought it might soothe⁴⁰ my conscience, in the tender respect of gifts misused⁴¹, if I would immediately cash up in aid of his lowly talent for original design — as a specimen⁴² of which he enclosed me a work of art which I recognized as a tracing from a woodcut originally published in the late Mrs. Trollope’s book on America, forty or fifty years ago. The number of people who were prepared to live long years after me, untiring benefactors⁴³ to their species, for fifty pounds apiece down, was astonishing. Also, of those who wanted bank-notes for stiff penitential amounts, to give away:— not to keep, on any account.

Divers⁴⁴ wonderful medicines and machines insinuated⁴⁵ recommendations of themselves into the fly-leaf that was to have been so blank. It was specially⁴⁶ observable that every prescriber, whether in a moral or physical direction, knew me thoroughly⁴⁷ — knew me from head to heel, in and out, through and through, upside down. I was a glass piece of general property, and everybody was on the most surprisingly intimate terms with me. A few public institutions had complimentary⁴⁸ perceptions of corners in my mind, of which, after considerable self-examination, I have not discovered any indication. Neat little printed forms were addressed to those corners, beginning with the words: ‘I give and bequeath.’

Will it seem exaggerative to state my belief that the most honest, the most modest, and the least vain-glorious of all the records upon this strange fly-leaf, was a letter from the self-deceived discoverer of the recondite⁴⁹ secret ‘how to live four or five hundred years’? Doubtless it will seem so, yet the statement is not exaggerative by any means, but is made in my serious and sincere conviction. With this, and with a laugh at the rest that shall not be cynical⁵⁰, I turn the Fly-leaf, and go on again.

1 transacted   

v.办理（业务等）( transact的过去式和过去分词 )；交易，谈判

参考例句：

• We transacted business with the firm. 我们和这家公司交易。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Major Pendennis transacted his benevolence by deputy and by post. 潘登尼斯少校依靠代理人和邮局，实施着他的仁爱之心。 来自辞典例句

2 fabulous   

adj.极好的；极为巨大的；寓言中的，传说中的

参考例句：

• We had a fabulous time at the party.我们在晚会上玩得很痛快。
• This is a fabulous sum of money.这是一笔巨款。

3 repose   

v.(使)休息；n.安息

参考例句：

• Don't disturb her repose.不要打扰她休息。
• Her mouth seemed always to be smiling,even in repose.她的嘴角似乎总是挂着微笑，即使在睡眠时也是这样。

4 recurring   

adj.往复的，再次发生的

参考例句：

• This kind of problem is recurring often. 这类问题经常发生。
• For our own country, it has been a time for recurring trial. 就我们国家而言，它经过了一个反复考验的时期。

5 curiously   

adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地

参考例句：

• He looked curiously at the people.他好奇地看着那些人。
• He took long stealthy strides. His hands were curiously cold.他迈着悄没声息的大步。他的双手出奇地冷。

6 literally   

adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实

参考例句：

• He translated the passage literally.他逐字逐句地翻译这段文字。
• Sometimes she would not sit down till she was literally faint.有时候，她不走到真正要昏厥了，决不肯坐下来。

7 remarkable   

adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的

参考例句：

• She has made remarkable headway in her writing skills.她在写作技巧方面有了长足进步。
• These cars are remarkable for the quietness of their engines.这些汽车因发动机没有噪音而不同凡响。

8 forger   

v.伪造；n.（钱、文件等的）伪造者

参考例句：

• He admitted seven charges including forging passports.他承认了7项罪名，其中包括伪造护照。
• She alleged that Taylor had forged her signature on the form.她声称泰勒在表格上伪造了她的签名。

9 concealed   

a.隐藏的，隐蔽的

参考例句：

• The paintings were concealed beneath a thick layer of plaster. 那些画被隐藏在厚厚的灰泥层下面。
• I think he had a gun concealed about his person. 我认为他当时身上藏有一支枪。

10 infancy   

n.婴儿期；幼年期；初期

参考例句：

• He came to England in his infancy.他幼年时期来到英国。
• Their research is only in its infancy.他们的研究处于初级阶段。

11 veins   

n.纹理；矿脉( vein的名词复数 )；静脉；叶脉；纹理

参考例句：

• The blood flows from the capillaries back into the veins. 血从毛细血管流回静脉。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I felt a pleasant glow in all my veins from the wine. 喝过酒后我浑身的血都热烘烘的，感到很舒服。 来自《简明英汉词典》

12 entirely   

ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。
• His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。

13 privately   

adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地

参考例句：

• Some ministers admit privately that unemployment could continue to rise.一些部长私下承认失业率可能继续升高。
• The man privately admits that his motive is profits.那人私下承认他的动机是为了牟利。

14 ascertained   

v.弄清，确定，查明( ascertain的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The previously unidentified objects have now been definitely ascertained as being satellites. 原来所说的不明飞行物现在已证实是卫星。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I ascertained that she was dead. 我断定她已经死了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

15 overthrown   

adj. 打翻的，推倒的，倾覆的 动词overthrow的过去分词

参考例句：

• The president was overthrown in a military coup. 总统在军事政变中被赶下台。
• He has overthrown the basic standards of morality. 他已摒弃了基本的道德标准。

16 overdid   

v.做得过分( overdo的过去式 )；太夸张；把…煮得太久；（工作等）过度

参考例句：

• We overdid the meat and it didn't taste good. 我们把肉煮得太久，结果味道不好了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He overdid and became extremely tired. 他用力过猛，感到筋疲力尽。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

17 potent   

adj.强有力的，有权势的；有效力的

参考例句：

• The medicine had a potent effect on your disease.这药物对你的病疗效很大。
• We must account of his potent influence.我们必须考虑他的强有力的影响。

18 overdoing   

v.做得过分( overdo的现在分词 )；太夸张；把…煮得太久；（工作等）过度

参考例句：

• He's been overdoing things recently. 近来他做事过分努力。 来自辞典例句
• You think I've been overdoing it with the work thing? 你认为我对工作的关注太过分了吗？ 来自电影对白

19 piously   

adv.虔诚地

参考例句：

• Many pilgrims knelt piously at the shrine.许多朝圣者心虔意诚地在神殿跪拜。
• The priests piously consecrated the robbery with a hymn.教士们虔诚地唱了一首赞美诗，把这劫夺行为神圣化了。

20 basking   

v.晒太阳，取暖( bask的现在分词 )；对…感到乐趣；因他人的功绩而出名；仰仗…的余泽

参考例句：

• We sat basking in the warm sunshine. 我们坐着享受温暖的阳光。
• A colony of seals lay basking in the sun. 一群海豹躺着晒太阳。 来自《简明英汉词典》

21 conceit   

n.自负，自高自大

参考例句：

• As conceit makes one lag behind,so modesty helps one make progress.骄傲使人落后，谦虚使人进步。
• She seems to be eaten up with her own conceit.她仿佛已经被骄傲冲昏了头脑。

22 itching   

adj.贪得的，痒的，渴望的v.发痒( itch的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• The itching was almost more than he could stand. 他痒得几乎忍不住了。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• My nose is itching. 我的鼻子发痒。 来自《简明英汉词典》

23 hoof   

n.(马，牛等的)蹄

参考例句：

• Suddenly he heard the quick,short click of a horse's hoof behind him.突然间，他听见背后响起一阵急骤的马蹄的得得声。
• I was kicked by a hoof.我被一只蹄子踢到了。

24 conclusive   

adj.最后的，结论的；确凿的，消除怀疑的

参考例句：

• They produced some fairly conclusive evidence.他们提供了一些相当确凿的证据。
• Franklin did not believe that the French tests were conclusive.富兰克林不相信这个法国人的实验是结论性的。

25 blasphemous   

adj.亵渎神明的，不敬神的

参考例句：

• The book was declared blasphemous and all copies ordered to be burnt.这本书被断定为亵渎神明之作，命令全数焚毀。
• The people in the room were shocked by his blasphemous language.满屋的人都对他那侮慢的语言感到愤慨。

26 drawn   

v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的

参考例句：

• All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
• Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。

27 inquiry   

n.打听，询问，调查，查问

参考例句：

• Many parents have been pressing for an inquiry into the problem.许多家长迫切要求调查这个问题。
• The field of inquiry has narrowed down to five persons.调查的范围已经缩小到只剩5个人了。

28 Christian   

adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒

参考例句：

• They always addressed each other by their Christian name.他们总是以教名互相称呼。
• His mother is a sincere Christian.他母亲是个虔诚的基督教徒。

29 saviour   

n.拯救者，救星

参考例句：

• I saw myself as the saviour of my country.我幻想自己为国家的救星。
• The people clearly saw her as their saviour.人们显然把她看成了救星。

30 persistency   

n. 坚持(余辉, 时间常数)

参考例句：

• I was nettled by her persistency. 我被她的固执惹恼了。
• We should stick to and develop the heritage of persistency. 我们应坚持和发扬坚忍不拔的传统。

31 relinquished   

交出，让给( relinquish的过去式和过去分词 )； 放弃

参考例句：

• She has relinquished the post to her cousin, Sir Edward. 她把职位让给了表弟爱德华爵士。
• The small dog relinquished his bone to the big dog. 小狗把它的骨头让给那只大狗。

32 incompatible   

adj.不相容的，不协调的，不相配的

参考例句：

• His plan is incompatible with my intent.他的计划与我的意图不相符。
• Speed and safety are not necessarily incompatible.速度和安全未必不相容。

33 droll   

adj.古怪的，好笑的

参考例句：

• The band have a droll sense of humour.这个乐队有一种滑稽古怪的幽默感。
• He looked at her with a droll sort of awakening.他用一种古怪的如梦方醒的神情看着她.

34 previously   

adv.以前，先前（地）

参考例句：

• The bicycle tyre blew out at a previously damaged point.自行车胎在以前损坏过的地方又爆开了。
• Let me digress for a moment and explain what had happened previously.让我岔开一会儿，解释原先发生了什么。

35 insignificant   

adj.无关紧要的，可忽略的，无意义的

参考例句：

• In winter the effect was found to be insignificant.在冬季，这种作用是不明显的。
• This problem was insignificant compared to others she faced.这一问题与她面临的其他问题比较起来算不得什么。

36 erring   

做错事的，错误的

参考例句：

• Instead of bludgeoning our erring comrades, we should help them with criticism. 对犯错误的同志， 要批评帮助，不能一棍子打死。
• She had too little faith in mankind not to know that they were erring. 她对男人们没有信心，知道他们总要犯错误的。 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹

37 artistic   

adj.艺术(家)的，美术(家)的；善于艺术创作的

参考例句：

• The picture on this screen is a good artistic work.这屏风上的画是件很好的艺术品。
• These artistic handicrafts are very popular with foreign friends.外国朋友很喜欢这些美术工艺品。

38 copiously   

adv.丰富地，充裕地

参考例句：

• She leant forward and vomited copiously on the floor. 她向前一俯，哇的一声吐了一地。 来自英汉文学
• This well-organized, unified course copiously illustrated, amply cross-referenced, and fully indexed. 这条组织完善，统一的课程丰富地被说明，丰富地被相互参照和充分地被标注。 来自互联网

39 illustrating   

给…加插图( illustrate的现在分词 )； 说明； 表明； （用示例、图画等）说明

参考例句：

• He upstaged the other speakers by illustrating his talk with slides. 他演讲中配上幻灯片，比其他演讲人更吸引听众。
• Material illustrating detailed structure of graptolites has been etched from limestone by means of hydrofluoric acid. 表明笔石详细构造的物质是利用氢氟酸从石灰岩中侵蚀出来。

40 soothe   

v.安慰；使平静；使减轻；缓和；奉承

参考例句：

• I've managed to soothe him down a bit.我想方设法使他平静了一点。
• This medicine should soothe your sore throat.这种药会减轻你的喉痛。

41 misused   

v.使用…不当( misuse的过去式和过去分词 )；把…派作不正当的用途；虐待；滥用

参考例句：

• He misused his dog shamefully. 他可耻地虐待自己的狗。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He had grossly misused his power. 他严重滥用职权。 来自《简明英汉词典》

42 specimen   

n.样本，标本

参考例句：

• You'll need tweezers to hold up the specimen.你要用镊子来夹这标本。
• This specimen is richly variegated in colour.这件标本上有很多颜色。

43 benefactors   

n.捐助者，施主( benefactor的名词复数 )；恩人

参考例句：

• I rate him among my benefactors. 我认为他是我的一个恩人。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• We showed high respect to benefactors. 我们对捐助者表达了崇高的敬意。 来自辞典例句

44 divers   

adj.不同的；种种的

参考例句：

• He chose divers of them,who were asked to accompany him.他选择他们当中的几个人，要他们和他作伴。
• Two divers work together while a standby diver remains on the surface.两名潜水员协同工作，同时有一名候补潜水员留在水面上。

45 insinuated   

v.暗示( insinuate的过去式和过去分词 )；巧妙或迂回地潜入；（使）缓慢进入；慢慢伸入

参考例句：

• The article insinuated that he was having an affair with his friend's wife. 文章含沙射影地点出他和朋友的妻子有染。
• She cleverly insinuated herself into his family. 她巧妙地混进了他的家庭。 来自《简明英汉词典》

46 specially   

adv.特定地；特殊地；明确地

参考例句：

• They are specially packaged so that they stack easily.它们经过特别包装以便于堆放。
• The machine was designed specially for demolishing old buildings.这种机器是专为拆毁旧楼房而设计的。

47 thoroughly   

adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地

参考例句：

• The soil must be thoroughly turned over before planting.一定要先把土地深翻一遍再下种。
• The soldiers have been thoroughly instructed in the care of their weapons.士兵们都系统地接受过保护武器的训练。

48 complimentary   

adj.赠送的，免费的，赞美的，恭维的

参考例句：

• She made some highly complimentary remarks about their school.她对他们的学校给予高度的评价。
• The supermarket operates a complimentary shuttle service.这家超市提供免费购物班车。

49 recondite   

adj.深奥的，难解的

参考例句：

• Her poems are modishly experimental in style and recondite in subject-matter.她的诗在风格上是时髦的实验派，主题艰深难懂。
• To a craftsman,the ancient article with recondite and scholastic words was too abstruse to understand.可是对一个车轮师父而言，这些之乎者也的文言文是太深而难懂的。

50 cynical   

adj.(对人性或动机)怀疑的，不信世道向善的

参考例句：

• The enormous difficulty makes him cynical about the feasibility of the idea.由于困难很大，他对这个主意是否可行持怀疑态度。
• He was cynical that any good could come of democracy.他不相信民主会带来什么好处。