Go to, my Daughter. Knowest thou a man who hath lived long in a bachelor flat? Then beware of him! For his ways are full of guile1 and he hath not a thrill left.
Alas2, the bachelor flat is a curse sent upon Woman. For, lo, though a man hath dwelt in the back hall-room of a boarding-house for many years and hath suffered all its untold3 horrors, the moment he taketh a flat the sweet feminine thing seeketh him out and yearneth to make him “comfortable”.
And his days are made sad with sofa pillows and towel racks, and picture frames, and shaving-pads, and foot-stools, until his house resembleth a bargain counter, or the spoils from the harem of a sacked city.
He groaneth when he seeketh in corners for a spot wherein to place his forty-seventh cushion; he curseth when he returneth after dark and falleth over tabourets and other evidences of the pursuit of man; he laugheth as he borroweth old socks from his men friends that he may supply all of those who68 desire to do his mending. And to him, in matters of love, there is nothing new under the sun.
For the man that weddeth a widow is number two, but the woman that weddeth a bachelor-flatee is number forty-two.
And when she mendeth his coat and patteth his pillow; when she kisseth him in the cleft6 within his chin and runneth her fingers through his hair, he feeleth no thrill. For these are unto him but as a tale that hath been many times told.
Verily, his sentiments are frayed7 at the edges and his emotions worn thin with usage. His heart is patched in many places and his illusions are as last year’s roses—withered.
Yea, his love is but as warmed-over pudding or cold veal8 served upon the second day; even as second-hand9 furniture, whereof the interior is motheaten.
But he is better than nothing.
69
CHAPTER TWO
Verily, verily, my Daughter, the fool hath said in her heart, “All men should marry! For there is a reason for everything under the sun, save a bachelor.”
But I have gone among the bachelors, questioning them, young and old; and I say unto thee, the “reasons” why a man taketh a stimulant10 are not more numerous and wonderful than the reasons why he doth not marry.
Behold11, he doth not marry:
Because he is too young.
Because he is too old.
Because he hath not thought about it.
Because he hath thought too much about it.
Because he is poor and cannot afford a wife.
Because he is rich and doth not require a wife.
Because he loveth no woman.
Because he loveth all women.
Because he hath not met the right woman.
70 Because he hath met the right woman and been “disappointed”.
Because he hath many illusions concerning women.
Because he hath no illusions concerning them.
Because no woman is good enough.
Because he is not “good enough” for any woman.
Because he is not ready to settle down.
Because he is already settled down, and is content.
Because he is weak and fearful.
Because he is strong and impregnable.
And, likewise—just because.
71
CHAPTER THREE
Hearken, my Daughter, unto the parable12 of the merrie bachelor; hearken and be comforted.
For, I say unto thee, not one of these liveth but shall receive his just desert!
Now, in my youth, there came unto me such an one, saying, “Why shall I marry? For lo, have I not all the comforts of home, at half the expense? Behold, I have three good meals a day and a den4 filled with gew-gaws, which are the work of many damsels. Yea, and not one of them but yearneth to sew on my buttons.
“Moreover, I can go forth13 into the country in the summer time without having to pawn14 mine overcoat; and in the winter I can go unto my club without having to perjure15 my soul.
“Verily, verily, my life is like unto an eleven-course dinner.
“For on Monday I may talk art unto a high-browed damsel; and on Tuesday I may talk love unto a widow; and on Wednesday I may talk nonsense unto a fluffy16 thing.
72 “But a married man must talk domestic economy unto the same woman every night, which is like a table d’hote menu, of a deadening monotony.
“Behold, I offer no apology for my singleness; for I am unashamed! And my one fear is that I shall awaken17 from this dream!”
And I answered him, saying, “Even so!”
Yet, as time passed, the hairs dropped one by one from the head of the bachelor, until it shone as a great light.
Lo, from eating and drinking much good food and having no worries, he became round and pudgy, like unto a Billiken.
And the maidens18 of the land who had trembled at his approach now tittered merrily at sight of him. Yea, whereas, before, he had been able to spend an whole evening with one of them, bringing a box of cheap candy, he now spent all his savings19 upon them.
For it requireth real orchids20 and champagne21 to make a fat man fascinating.
And he observed the married men of his acquaintance, that from overworking they had still kept their73 figures and were interesting. Yea, and they flirted22 with their stenographers and were merry; but the bachelor not having to labor23 had accomplished24 nothing; for he had spent his days in yawning.
Then he came unto me, crying:
“Lo! At last I would marry and settle down. But she that I once loved hath married another. And how shall I choose a wife? For all women are as one woman unto me.”
And I mocked him with my ha-has, saying:
“My Son, I adjure25 thee, wed5 any woman thou canst! For the buds of the Nation are not collecting antiques. Yet, peradventure, one of these shall accept thee as a good thing; or another shall take thee as a last resort, when she hath passed her fifth season. Go to! Thou hast eaten the bread of life without honey thereon, and thou shalt hereafter be satisfied with the crumbs26.”
Verily, verily, life without love is as a pipe without a light; but a man without a wife is as a helpless barge27 without a tow-boat.
74
CHAPTER FOUR
My Daughter, hear now the Thanksgiving Day prayer of a bachelor:
Oh, Lord, I thank Thee that Thou hast vouchsafed28 me another year of freedom. That I am still safe!
That Thou hast made me what I am—wise, unconquerable, immune!
That, although I have many times lost my heart, I have never yet lost my head.
That I did not marry my first love.
That, though the hairs of my head be numbered, they are still sufficient to cover my bald spot.
That, though my forehead gradually becometh more intellectual, it is not yet bare.
That I have never yet written a letter which could be held against me in a breach-of-promise suit, but have confined all my tender messages unto telegrams and postcards.
That all my words have been discreet30 and mine actions cautious and self-restrained.
75 That, although maidens may bestow31 upon me purple neckties, spotted32 scarfs, plaid mufflers and orange-colored gloves at Christmastide, I shall not be required to wear them.
That I am still regarded as eligible33 among maidens and matrons. That they have not found me out!
That, day by day, my heart is acquiring a coat of cement and my conscience a coat of mail.
That I have carefully preserved all my emotions in alcohol!
That there is no marrying nor giving in marriage in Heaven!
Yea, for good cigars, bachelor flats, vaudeville34, briar pipes, clubs, apartment hotels, stenographers, comic operas, taxicabs and widows, Good Lord I thank Thee!
And now in the name of peace and contentment, vouchsafe29 me another year of single blessedness.
Yea, give me liberty or give me death! Amen!
SELAH
WHEN HER SHOE
COMETH UNTIED35,
WHEN HER SIDE-COMB
FALLETH OUT, WHEN
HER HAIR TUMBLETH
DOWN, TURN AWAY
THINE EYES, LEST
THOU BE UNDONE36.
FOR CIRCE WAS AS
NAUGHT BESIDE A
WOMAN WITH FLOWING
HAIR
点击
收听单词发音
收听单词发音 |
1
guile
|
|
| n.诈术 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
alas
|
|
| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
untold
|
|
| adj.数不清的，无数的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
den
|
|
| n.兽穴；秘密地方；安静的小房间，私室 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
wed
|
|
| v.娶，嫁，与…结婚 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
cleft
|
|
| n.裂缝；adj.裂开的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
frayed
|
|
| adj.磨损的v.（使布、绳等）磨损，磨破( fray的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
veal
|
|
| n.小牛肉 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
second-hand
|
|
| adj.用过的，旧的，二手的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
stimulant
|
|
| n.刺激物，兴奋剂 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
behold
|
|
| v.看，注视，看到 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
parable
|
|
| n.寓言，比喻 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
forth
|
|
| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
pawn
|
|
| n.典当，抵押，小人物，走卒；v.典当，抵押 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
perjure
|
|
| v.作伪证；使发假誓 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
fluffy
|
|
| adj.有绒毛的，空洞的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
awaken
|
|
| vi.醒，觉醒；vt.唤醒，使觉醒，唤起，激起 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
maidens
|
|
| 处女( maiden的名词复数 )； 少女； 未婚女子； （板球运动）未得分的一轮投球 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
savings
|
|
| n.存款，储蓄 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
orchids
|
|
| n.兰花( orchid的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
champagne
|
|
| n.香槟酒；微黄色 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
flirted
|
|
| v.调情，打情骂俏( flirt的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
labor
|
|
| n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
accomplished
|
|
| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
adjure
|
|
| v.郑重敦促(恳请) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
crumbs
|
|
| int. (表示惊讶)哎呀 n. 碎屑 名词crumb的复数形式 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
barge
|
|
| n.平底载货船，驳船 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
vouchsafed
|
|
| v.给予，赐予( vouchsafe的过去式和过去分词 )；允诺 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
29
vouchsafe
|
|
| v.惠予，准许 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
30
discreet
|
|
| adj.(言行)谨慎的；慎重的；有判断力的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
31
bestow
|
|
| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
32
spotted
|
|
| adj.有斑点的，斑纹的，弄污了的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
33
eligible
|
|
| adj.有条件被选中的；(尤指婚姻等)合适(意)的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
34
vaudeville
|
|
| n.歌舞杂耍表演 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
35
untied
|
|
| 松开，解开( untie的过去式和过去分词 )； 解除，使自由； 解决 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
36
undone
|
|
| a.未做完的，未完成的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |