BOOK OF SIRENS

CHAPTER ONE

Behold¹, my Daughter, I have parted from mine Appendix and my conscience is clear! Therefore do I fear but three things in all the world:

And the first of these is a mouse.

And the second is embonpoint.

But the third is a Trained Nurse!

For I have watched her at her work.

And, I charge thee, in the flutter of her apron² there lurketh more danger than in the whole chorus of a comic opera. For a chorus girl practiseth her wiles³ upon strong men, but she seeketh him only that is stricken and at her mercy.

Yea, when he is down-and-out she getteth in her fine work.

Upon her head she weareth a cute cap, which glorifieth her as a halo in his sight. She walketh upon heels of velvet⁴ and cooeth unto him in a voice of silver.

80 Her smile runneth over and will not come off.

She hath dove’s eyes.

She batheth his brow with spikenard and myrrh, and anointeth him with alcohol. She arrangeth his pillows and comforteth his soul with words of cheer. She taketh his pulse!

He yearneth to be babied—and she babyeth him.

He pineth for sympathy—and she sympathizeth.

He seeketh comfort—and she maketh him comfortable.

And what chance hath a damsel at a pink tea beside a ministering angel such as one of these?

Go to, thou Simple One! What strength is there in a sick man that he shall flee before all the temptations of St. Anthony, in one?

Nay⁵, though he be of stone and of adamant⁶, though his heart be encased in barbed wire, yet shall he turn upon his pillow sighing:

81 “Alas Miriam is all right; but a wife was never like this!”

Yet how guileless is human nature! For, ye will keep your silver in a strong box and your jewels behind bars of iron; yet will ye trust your beloved in the hands of one of these.

Verily, verily, the Lorelei is passeé and witches are no more.

But a Little Trained Nurse is a dangerous thing!

82
CHAPTER TWO

Verily, my Daughter, there be these three: the maid, the matron, and the widow; and the luckiest of these is the widow.

For she hath graduated from the School of Experience and her crêpe veil glorifieth her as a diploma.

And, though she may live in a bachelor flat, none shall gossip about her; but whatsoever⁷ she doeth shall seem “cute” in the eyes of men.

When she talketh wittily⁸ they shall not say, “She knoweth too much”; and when she talketh foolishly they shall declare that she but seeketh to appear simple. If she smoketh a cigarette, she will make excuse, saying, “Mine husband taught me how to do this thing”, and all men shall call her “fascinating”.

Yea, she possesseth all the glory of matrimony, even unto “Mrs.” on her name, and none of the discomforts⁹. She shall marry a second time if she so desireth; and if she doth not, who shall say that she could not?

83 For one man hath set his seal of approval upon her, and where one hath led the rest shall follow like unto a flock of Geese. Yea, in the matter of women, man hath great faith in the judgment¹⁰ of his brother, but he doubteth his own taste.

And, though a widow be neither wealthy, nor good to look upon; though she be fat and forty and frivolous¹¹; yet she understandeth how to make a man comfortable—which is the secret of all wisdom. She shall feed the lambs from the chafing-dish and the lions with honeyed words; she shall coax¹² the smoker¹³ to smoke; she shall hold a match to his cigar; she shall bring a footstool for his feet and a couch pillow for his head; she shall mend his gloves and listen eagerly to his stories unto seven times seven times.

Yet envy her not, my daughter, for hath she not been married once? And a woman who hath once been married hath earned whatsoever she receiveth.

84
CHAPTER THREE

Heed¹⁴ my instructions, oh my Son, that thou mayest understand the Seven Poses of Woman!

For, whether she dwelleth in the high places or in the low places, her nets are cast into the sea, and her hooks are bated with perfume and chafing-dishes and domesticity.

Yea, though she hideth in a studio apartment and cryeth “I shall never marry!”, yet doth she seek to lure¹⁵ thee with joss sticks and pink tea and rarebits and the artistic¹⁶ temperament¹⁷.

Likewise, beware when she patteth thy coat lapel; when she slippeth her hand confidingly¹⁸ into thine overcoat pocket be not persuaded. For the touch of a damsel’s fingers is alluring¹⁹, but a wife’s “touch” is expensive.

Lo, when she mothereth thee; when she runneth her fingers through thy top hair; when she inquireth concerning thy health and urgeth thee to wear rubbers,85 be prepared to escape her; for, so doth she shear²⁰ the lamb for the slaughter²¹.

When her shoe cometh untied²², when her side-comb falleth out, when her hair tumbleth down, in the game of tennis, turn away thine eyes, lest thou be undone²³. For, Circe was as naught²⁴, beside a woman with flowing hair.

When she “turneth” her ankle upon the golf links, I charge thee do not bear her in thine arms to safety; but, for thy soul’s sake, flee in search of a doctor, ’ere she turneth thine head also.

When she putteth perfume upon thy locks, oh beware of her! For she doeth this that she may mark thee for her own; and, until it be washed away, thou shalt be covered with shame in the eyes of the world.

But, when she coaxeth thee to be adorned²⁵, when she seeketh to manicure thy nails; when she patteth thy fingers and yearneth to bathe them with sweet ointments²⁶; when she weareth a cute apron and sitteth more near, I charge thee, clasp thine hands behind thee, crying:

86 “Nay! Thou mayest hold them, but thou shalt not manicure them!”

For by this strategy fell the Benedicts.

Go to, my Son! Ask me not how I have learned of Woman, concerning all her poses.

For lo, I am a woman, and I have tried them.

87
CHAPTER FOUR

The secret musings of thy Father Solomon, found in his diary, concealed²⁷ in the pocket of his smoking jacket and privily²⁸ copied by thy Mother.

Read now his libellous words, my Daughter, and ponder thereon; for he hath known much girl:

“Verily, verily, in all the world, there be but two things which have power to disconcert me.

“A Meerschaum Pipe is one of these.

“The other is a woman.

“And, so like is the first unto the second, that I doubt not the former is but a reincarnation of the latter.

“Lo, I have colored upward of twenty meerschaums, and have made love unto upward of seven hundred damsels. And I say unto thee, not one of them hath been worth the struggle nor repaid the toil²⁹ and travail³⁰.

“Behold, how a man purchaseth a meerschaum at great price.

88 “Behold, how he wooeth a woman at great expense.

“How joyfully³¹ he flingeth away his shekels that they may be covered with silver and fine gold!

“How tenderly he encaseth them in velvet!

“With what care and delicacy³² he wasteth his golden hours in the coloring of his pipe!

“With what pains and ingenuity³³ he wasteth golden years in winning the heart of a woman!

“How lovingly he burneth tobacco for the one!

“How patiently he burneth incense³⁴ before the other!

“Yet, lo, a sudden coldness—and the pipe hath snapped! A sudden chilliness—and the woman’s love is shattered!

“Or let the fire within the meerschaum’s bowl wax too hot, or the ardor³⁵ of his devotion unto the woman wax too intense—and behold the pipe is ruined and the woman is spoiled forever!

“And it is all up with him!

“The fool hath said in his heart, ‘All women are as trolley³⁶ cars, which having once been caught, need89 no longer be pursued.’ But I say unto thee, thy pursuing is never finished; thy task is never done!

“For, seven times seven weeks, mayest thou devote thyself unto a meerschaum, and seven times seven months, unto a damsel!

“Yet if thou layest them aside, and thinkest to cease from thy devotions for but a little while, lo, the pipe hath faded—and the woman hath forgotten thee.

“Verily, verily, there is no rest for a peaceful man! For, life with a pipe, or a woman, is all toil and travail and vexation.

“Yet life without them is all weariness and desolation!”

SELAH.

VERILY, VERILY, EVEN
THY FATHER SOLOMON,
HIMSELF, HAD NOT
MORE THAN ENOUGH
WIVES. FOR EVERY
MAN REQUIRETH AT
LEAST TWO SOUL-MATES.
ONE TO AMUSE HIM—AND
ONE TO WAIT UPON HIM

1 behold   

v.看，注视，看到

参考例句：

• The industry of these little ants is wonderful to behold.这些小蚂蚁辛勤劳动的样子看上去真令人惊叹。
• The sunrise at the seaside was quite a sight to behold.海滨日出真是个奇景。

2 apron   

n.围裙；工作裙

参考例句：

• We were waited on by a pretty girl in a pink apron.招待我们的是一位穿粉红色围裙的漂亮姑娘。
• She stitched a pocket on the new apron.她在新围裙上缝上一只口袋。

3 wiles   

n.（旨在欺骗或吸引人的）诡计，花招；欺骗，欺诈( wile的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• All her wiles were to persuade them to buy the goods. 她花言巧语想打动他们买这些货物。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The woman used all her wiles to tempt him into following her. 那女人用尽了自己的诱骗本领勾引着他尾随而去。 来自《用法词典》

4 velvet   

n.丝绒，天鹅绒；adj.丝绒制的，柔软的

参考例句：

• This material feels like velvet.这料子摸起来像丝绒。
• The new settlers wore the finest silk and velvet clothing.新来的移民穿着最华丽的丝绸和天鹅绒衣服。

5 nay   

adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者

参考例句：

• He was grateful for and proud of his son's remarkable,nay,unique performance.他为儿子出色的，不，应该是独一无二的表演心怀感激和骄傲。
• Long essays,nay,whole books have been written on this.许多长篇大论的文章，不，应该说是整部整部的书都是关于这件事的。

6 adamant   

adj.坚硬的，固执的

参考例句：

• We are adamant on the building of a well-off society.在建设小康社会这一点上，我们是坚定不移的。
• Veronica was quite adamant that they should stay on.维罗妮卡坚信他们必须继续留下去。

7 whatsoever   

adv.（用于否定句中以加强语气）任何；pron.无论什么

参考例句：

• There's no reason whatsoever to turn down this suggestion.没有任何理由拒绝这个建议。
• All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you,do ye even so to them.你想别人对你怎样，你就怎样对人。

8 wittily   

机智地，机敏地

参考例句：

• They have just been pulling our legs very wittily. 他们不过是跟我们开个非常诙谐的玩笑罢了。
• The tale wittily explores the interaction and tension between reality and imagination. 这篇故事机智地探讨了现实和想象之间的联系和对立。

9 discomforts   

n.不舒适( discomfort的名词复数 )；不愉快，苦恼

参考例句：

• Travellers in space have to endure many discomforts in their rockets. 宇宙旅行家不得不在火箭中忍受许多不舒适的东西 来自《用法词典》
• On that particular morning even these discomforts added to my pleasure. 在那样一个特定的早晨，即使是这种种的不舒适也仿佛给我增添了满足感。 来自辞典例句

10 judgment   

n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见

参考例句：

• The chairman flatters himself on his judgment of people.主席自认为他审视人比别人高明。
• He's a man of excellent judgment.他眼力过人。

11 frivolous   

adj.轻薄的；轻率的

参考例句：

• This is a frivolous way of attacking the problem.这是一种轻率敷衍的处理问题的方式。
• He spent a lot of his money on frivolous things.他在一些无聊的事上花了好多钱。

12 coax   

v.哄诱，劝诱，用诱哄得到，诱取

参考例句：

• I had to coax the information out of him.我得用好话套出他掌握的情况。
• He tried to coax the secret from me.他试图哄骗我说出秘方。

13 smoker   

n.吸烟者，吸烟车厢，吸烟室

参考例句：

• His wife dislikes him to be a smoker.他妻子不喜欢他当烟民。
• He is a moderate smoker.他是一个有节制的烟民。

14 heed   

v.注意，留意；n.注意，留心

参考例句：

• You must take heed of what he has told.你要注意他所告诉的事。
• For the first time he had to pay heed to his appearance.这是他第一次非得注意自己的外表不可了。

15 lure   

n.吸引人的东西，诱惑物；vt.引诱，吸引

参考例句：

• Life in big cities is a lure for many country boys.大城市的生活吸引着许多乡下小伙子。
• He couldn't resist the lure of money.他不能抵制金钱的诱惑。

16 artistic   

adj.艺术(家)的，美术(家)的；善于艺术创作的

参考例句：

• The picture on this screen is a good artistic work.这屏风上的画是件很好的艺术品。
• These artistic handicrafts are very popular with foreign friends.外国朋友很喜欢这些美术工艺品。

17 temperament   

n.气质，性格，性情

参考例句：

• The analysis of what kind of temperament you possess is vital.分析一下你有什么样的气质是十分重要的。
• Success often depends on temperament.成功常常取决于一个人的性格。

18 confidingly   

adv.信任地

参考例句：

• She watched him confidingly and without any fear, faintly wagging her tail. 木木信任地望着自己最新近的主人，不但没有畏惧，还轻轻地摇着尾巴。 来自互联网

19 alluring   

adj.吸引人的，迷人的

参考例句：

• The life in a big city is alluring for the young people. 大都市的生活对年轻人颇具诱惑力。
• Lisette's large red mouth broke into a most alluring smile. 莉莎特的鲜红的大嘴露出了一副极为诱人的微笑。

20 shear   

n.修剪，剪下的东西，羊的一岁；vt.剪掉，割，剥夺；vi.修剪，切割，剥夺，穿越

参考例句：

• Every spring they shear off the sheep's wool and sell it.每年春天他们都要剪下羊毛去卖。
• In the Hebrides they shear their sheep later than anywhere else.在赫伯里兹，剪羊毛的时间比其他任何地方都要晚。

21 slaughter   

n.屠杀，屠宰；vt.屠杀，宰杀

参考例句：

• I couldn't stand to watch them slaughter the cattle.我不忍看他们宰牛。
• Wholesale slaughter was carried out in the name of progress.大规模的屠杀在维护进步的名义下进行。

22 untied   

松开，解开( untie的过去式和过去分词 )； 解除，使自由； 解决

参考例句：

• Once untied, we common people are able to conquer nature, too. 只要团结起来，我们老百姓也能移山倒海。
• He untied the ropes. 他解开了绳子。

23 undone   

a.未做完的，未完成的

参考例句：

• He left nothing undone that needed attention.所有需要注意的事他都注意到了。

24 naught   

n.无，零 [=nought]

参考例句：

• He sets at naught every convention of society.他轻视所有的社会习俗。
• I hope that all your efforts won't go for naught.我希望你的努力不会毫无结果。

25 adorned   

[计]被修饰的

参考例句：

• The walls were adorned with paintings. 墙上装饰了绘画。
• And his coat was adorned with a flamboyant bunch of flowers. 他的外套上面装饰着一束艳丽刺目的鲜花。

26 ointments   

n.软膏( ointment的名词复数 )；扫兴的人；煞风景的事物；药膏

参考例句：

• The firm has been dispensing ointments. 本公司配制药膏。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Antibiotic ointments are useful for concurrent bacterial infections. 抗菌素软膏对伴发的细菌感染是有用的。 来自辞典例句

27 concealed   

a.隐藏的，隐蔽的

参考例句：

• The paintings were concealed beneath a thick layer of plaster. 那些画被隐藏在厚厚的灰泥层下面。
• I think he had a gun concealed about his person. 我认为他当时身上藏有一支枪。

28 privily   

adv.暗中，秘密地

参考例句：

• But they privily examined his bunk. 但是他们常常暗暗检查他的床铺。 来自英汉文学 - 热爱生命
• And they lay wait for their own blood; they lurk privily for their own lives. 18这些人埋伏，是为自流己血。蹲伏是为自害己命。 来自互联网

29 toil   

vi.辛劳工作，艰难地行动；n.苦工，难事

参考例句：

• The wealth comes from the toil of the masses.财富来自大众的辛勤劳动。
• Every single grain is the result of toil.每一粒粮食都来之不易。

30 travail   

n.阵痛；努力

参考例句：

• Mothers know the travail of giving birth to a child.母亲们了解分娩时的痛苦。
• He gained the medal through his painful travail.他通过艰辛的努力获得了奖牌。

31 joyfully   

adv. 喜悦地, 高兴地

参考例句：

• She tripped along joyfully as if treading on air. 她高兴地走着，脚底下轻飘飘的。
• During these first weeks she slaved joyfully. 在最初的几周里，她干得很高兴。

32 delicacy   

n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴

参考例句：

• We admired the delicacy of the craftsmanship.我们佩服工艺师精巧的手艺。
• He sensed the delicacy of the situation.他感觉到了形势的微妙。

33 ingenuity   

n.别出心裁；善于发明创造

参考例句：

• The boy showed ingenuity in making toys.那个小男孩做玩具很有创造力。
• I admire your ingenuity and perseverance.我钦佩你的别出心裁和毅力。

34 incense   

v.激怒；n.香，焚香时的烟，香气

参考例句：

• This proposal will incense conservation campaigners.这项提议会激怒环保人士。
• In summer,they usually burn some coil incense to keep away the mosquitoes.夏天他们通常点香驱蚊。

35 ardor   

n.热情，狂热

参考例句：

• His political ardor led him into many arguments.他的政治狂热使他多次卷入争论中。
• He took up his pursuit with ardor.他满腔热忱地从事工作。

36 trolley   

n.手推车，台车；无轨电车；有轨电车

参考例句：

• The waiter had brought the sweet trolley.侍者已经推来了甜食推车。
• In a library,books are moved on a trolley.在图书馆，书籍是放在台车上搬动的。