BOOK OF ADMONITIONS

CHAPTER ONE

My Daughter, Hearken Unto My Words, And attend diligently¹ to my counsel; for the understanding of Man is the beginning of a good income, and a knowledge of his ways more profitable than a higher education.

Behold², a woman delighteth to travel the path of love slowly and through devious³ by-ways of flirtation⁴ and sentiment, but a man rusheth over it at the speed limit.

Unto a woman, the first kiss is but the start in the love chase, but unto a man it is ofttimes the finish.

Lo, when a woman weddeth a man, it is in order that she may get him; but when a man weddeth a woman, it is in order that he may prevent another from getting her.

Yea, verily, when a woman clingeth unto single blessedness, it is because she hath met no man with whom she could endure to live; but, when a man remaineth a bachelor, it is because he hath met no woman without whom he cannot live.

94 A man weddeth a woman in order to escape loneliness, and immediately thereafter joineth a club in order to escape the woman.

He marryeth a damsel because she appealeth to his “higher nature”, and spendeth all the rest of his days seeking after those who appeal to his lower nature.

A woman is cast down with doubts lest a man doth not love her; but a man never troubleth his soul, as to whether or not a woman loveth him, but as to whether or not he wanteth her to love him.

Behold, an honest woman may cheat at cards, but never at love; but he considereth himself an “honorable man” that never cheateth at a game of poker⁵ though he never playeth fair at the game of hearts.

Go to! Think no man in love while he flattereth thee and extolleth all thy ways; but, when he beginneth to moralise and to criticise⁶ thy hats, then mayest thou plan thy trousseau.

When he saveth thy life it may be for chivalry’s sake; but when he carryeth an umbrella to please thee it is for love’s sake.

95 Be not set up when a man giveth thee the key to his heart, for, peradventure, upon the following day, he may change the lock!

Then, how shall a woman understand a man, since they are all cut upon the bias⁷!

Verily, verily, by turning him around, my Daughter, and reading him backward, even as a Chinese laundry ticket!

96
CHAPTER TWO

How long, oh, ye Easy Ones, shall men continue to call ye “kitten” when they are sentimental⁸ and “cat” when they wax cynical⁹?

Verily, verily, I say unto thee, the ways of a man are the ways of Grimalkin; for doth not a cat, and likewise a man, prize his dignity above all things else in the heavens above, or in the earth beneath, or in the subways under the earth?

Moreover, doth not a cat, and likewise a man, seek out all the soft places upon the face of the earth, and all the most comfortable spots within the house, and all the easy chairs of the office?

Yea, doth not a man, even as a cat, wander abroad at night and return only at mealtimes?

Doth not a cat, and also a man, cling unto the woman that maketh him most comfortable and stroketh him the right way, but revile¹⁰ and despise her that disturbeth his meditations¹¹ and arouseth him from his slumbers¹²?

97 Doth not a cat flee in terror from one that flingeth cold water upon his coat, and a man from her that flingeth cold water upon his vanity?

Doth not a man, like unto a cat, struggle to escape when he is held tightly, yet remain cheerfully where he is not wanted?

Doth not a cat, and likewise a man, flee fearfully from that which is flung at his head—whether it be a bone, or a plate, or a woman?

And, being “dropped,” doth not a cat and likewise a man, land always upon his feet and depart in search of consolation¹³?

Lo, if thou pursuest a cat and a man with thine endearments¹⁴ will they not shrink from thee, with vexation?

But, if thou ignorest them, will they not sit devotedly¹⁵ at thy feet?

Go to! I say unto thee a woman is not as a tabby, but as a Faithful Fido which cannot be shaken off.

98 She followeth a man whithersoever he goeth, accepting gladly a pat upon the head and a kind word, and lying down at his feet to be stepped on.

Verily, verily, why doth a spinster console herself with a cat in her loneliness?

Even because this is the only thing which can be found to resemble a man!

99
CHAPTER THREE

Lo, while a man courteth a maiden¹⁶ he faith unto her:

“Beloved, I adore the waves and frivols of thy hair! The neatness of thy waistline is my delight; and what is that subtile sachet which maketh thee to remind me always of the rose of morning?”

But in his heart he saith:

“Yet, when we are married, then shall I teach her not to wear false ringlets, and the imported complexion¹⁷ which she now putteth on shall she abjure¹⁸.

“Verily from the using of that awful scent¹⁹ shall I break her, and from the wearing of corsets shall I rescue her! For we shall then be one, and I shall be that one!”

And while a damsel seeketh to allure²⁰ a man she saith unto him:

“Thou art so sensible. Yea, I pray thee, continue to wear a comfortable collar always; for why shalt thou suffer for style’s sake? Lo, thy beard and thy mustache, they are so characteristic; and in a soft hat thou hast real personality!”

100 But in her heart she muttereth:

“Go to! When I have him safe, then shall I entice²¹ him to put on a high collar, even unto four inches; and the shaving of his face will require but two weeks! Yea, and that quaint²² top-piece shall he exchange for a derby within the first month. For I know just what he needeth!”

Verily, verily, even in the hour of their courtship, do they prepare for war!

Even while she poureth his wine, doth she determine that he shall become a teetotaler! Even while he passeth her the sweetmeats doth he plan to put her on a diet, ’ere she acquire embonpoint.

As enemies before the battle, do they exchange civilities, saying “How congenial we are!”

For every woman thinketh to make a man over after a pattern, and every man thinketh to remodel²³ a woman according to a stock ideal.

Yea, after the honeymoon²⁴ each seeketh to trim the other down and to add all the modern improvements.

Then give them the fruit of their labors²⁵, which is a mutual²⁶ shock!

101
CHAPTER FOUR

My Daughter, she that heedeth my instructions shall find a man easier to play upon than a pianola.

Behold, she hath but to press the right key, and he shall repeat all his repertoire²⁷, even unto the confession²⁸ of his sins.

Yea, verily, a man rejoiceth in confessions²⁹; and nothing delighteth his soul so much as to repent³⁰. For, then can he return unto his follies³¹ with a clear conscience and renewed enthusiasm.

Go to! Who is so virtuous³² as an husband that hath but just received a cold bath and his wife’s forgiveness?

Lo, he goeth forth³³ feeling like unto an uncrowned saint.

He is puffed³⁴ up with righteousness.

Yet, before the night cometh, peradventure, he shall again have wobbled from the straight and narrow way.

102 How long, then, oh my Daughter, shalt thou encourage men to persecute³⁵ thee with their “I’m so-sorrys”, and their “Never-agains”? For, verily, verily, every man believeth that a woman’s patience is a thing of India rubber, which will stretch over a multitude of backslidings.

Yea, he hath not a doubt that a broken promise may be glued together with kisses, and a broken heart mended with softsoap.

Confessions are but the soothing³⁶ syrup³⁷ wherewith he stilleth his conscience. And his sins would lack much joy if he had not the pleasure of “regretting” them.

But I say unto thee, a woman’s faith is like unto a cobweb which cannot be patched up, once it hath been shattered; and a woman’s heart is not as a rubber ball, which reboundeth after it hath been cast down.

Nay³⁸, a bride sobbeth “Harold, tell me all!”

But after ten years, a wife saith, “Do whatsoever³⁹ thou pleasest, but come not unto me with thy tale of woe⁴⁰. Lo, I am aweary of holding onto Heaven103 with one hand and onto thee with the other. Therefore go thy ways and let me sleep!”

Verily, verily, in time, doth a man’s penitence⁴¹ pall⁴² upon a woman; and his kiss of remorse⁴³ is more to be dreaded⁴⁴ than his sins.

For, once love hath cooled, it may be warmed-over, yet it is flat and tasteless, even as a Monday luncheon⁴⁵.

104
CHAPTER FIVE

My Daughter, observe my counsel, for the heart of a man is like unto a Broadway car, in which there is always room for one more.

Behold, in matters of love, a woman is a specialist, but a man is a general practitioner⁴⁶. Yea, a woman loveth but one type—even one man—but a man loveth anything which happeneth to be at hand.

Lo, he that weddeth a brunette shall ever after seek peroxide blondes; and he that marryeth a pink and yellow doll shall acquire a sudden interest in intellect and brunettes. For variety is the spice of love.

Moreover, a woman is an epicure⁴⁷ in love, but a man is a gourmand⁴⁸.

In the love-feast, a woman desireth but one course at a time; but a man relisheth them all served at once, like unto a dinner at a country inn.

Yea, he mixeth his flirtations, even as he mixeth his libations, and wondereth sadly why he awakeneth always with an headache.

105 Verily, verily, even thy Father, Solomon, had not more than enough wives. For every man requireth at least two soul-mates.

One for Sundays—and one for week days.

One to amuse him—and one to wait upon him.

One to save his soul—and one to save his pennies.

One to help him make a fortune—and one to help him spend it.

One for his lighter⁴⁹ side—and one for his darker side.

One for company, one for comfort, one for inspiration, one for pastime—and many others, for a change.

SELAH.

LO, MY BELOVED, THY
HAIR IS AS STUBBLE;
AND IN THE MORNING IT
STANDETH ALOFT AS A
SHORN WHEAT FIELD.
HOW FASCINATING ART
THOU IN PAJAMAS⁵⁰, WHEN
THY FACE IS COVERED
WITH SHAVING LATHER⁵¹!

1 diligently   

ad.industriously;carefully

参考例句：

• He applied himself diligently to learning French. 他孜孜不倦地学法语。
• He had studied diligently at college. 他在大学里勤奋学习。

2 behold   

v.看，注视，看到

参考例句：

• The industry of these little ants is wonderful to behold.这些小蚂蚁辛勤劳动的样子看上去真令人惊叹。
• The sunrise at the seaside was quite a sight to behold.海滨日出真是个奇景。

3 devious   

adj.不坦率的，狡猾的；迂回的，曲折的

参考例句：

• Susan is a devious person and we can't depend on her.苏姗是个狡猾的人，我们不能依赖她。
• He is a man who achieves success by devious means.他这个人通过不正当手段获取成功。

4 flirtation   

n.调情，调戏，挑逗

参考例句：

• a brief and unsuccessful flirtation with the property market 对房地产市场一时兴起、并不成功的介入
• At recess Tom continued his flirtation with Amy with jubilant self-satisfaction. 课间休息的时候，汤姆继续和艾美逗乐，一副得意洋洋、心满意足的样子。 来自英汉文学 - 汤姆历险

5 poker   

n.扑克；vt.烙制

参考例句：

• He was cleared out in the poker game.他打扑克牌，把钱都输光了。
• I'm old enough to play poker and do something with it.我打扑克是老手了，可以玩些花样。

6 criticise   

v.批评，评论；非难

参考例句：

• Right and left have much cause to criticise government.左翼和右翼有很多理由批评政府。
• It is not your place to criticise or suggest improvements!提出批评或给予改进建议并不是你的责任！

7 bias   

n.偏见，偏心，偏袒；vt.使有偏见

参考例句：

• They are accusing the teacher of political bias in his marking.他们在指控那名教师打分数有政治偏见。
• He had a bias toward the plan.他对这项计划有偏见。

8 sentimental   

adj.多愁善感的，感伤的

参考例句：

• She's a sentimental woman who believes marriage comes by destiny.她是多愁善感的人，她相信姻缘命中注定。
• We were deeply touched by the sentimental movie.我们深深被那感伤的电影所感动。

9 cynical   

adj.(对人性或动机)怀疑的，不信世道向善的

参考例句：

• The enormous difficulty makes him cynical about the feasibility of the idea.由于困难很大，他对这个主意是否可行持怀疑态度。
• He was cynical that any good could come of democracy.他不相信民主会带来什么好处。

10 revile   

v.辱骂，谩骂

参考例句：

• No man should reproach,revile,or slander another man.人们不应羞辱，辱骂或诽谤他人。|||Some Muslim communities in East Africa revile dogs because they believe that canines ate the body of the Prophet Muhammad.一些东非的穆斯林团体会辱骂狗，因为他们相信是它们吃了先知穆罕默德的尸体。

11 meditations   

默想( meditation的名词复数 )； 默念； 沉思； 冥想

参考例句：

• Each sentence seems a quarry of rich meditations. 每一句话似乎都给人以许多冥思默想。
• I'm sorry to interrupt your meditations. 我很抱歉，打断你思考问题了。

12 slumbers   

睡眠，安眠( slumber的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• His image traversed constantly her restless slumbers. 他的形象一再闯进她的脑海，弄得她不能安睡。
• My Titan brother slumbers deep inside his mountain prison. Go. 我的泰坦兄弟就被囚禁在山脉的深处。

13 consolation   

n.安慰，慰问

参考例句：

• The children were a great consolation to me at that time.那时孩子们成了我的莫大安慰。
• This news was of little consolation to us.这个消息对我们来说没有什么安慰。

14 endearments   

n.表示爱慕的话语，亲热的表示( endearment的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• They were whispering endearments to each other. 他们彼此低声倾吐着爱慕之情。
• He held me close to him, murmuring endearments. 他抱紧了我，喃喃述说着爱意。 来自辞典例句

15 devotedly   

专心地； 恩爱地； 忠实地； 一心一意地

参考例句：

• He loved his wife devotedly. 他真诚地爱他的妻子。
• Millions of fans follow the TV soap operas devotedly. 千百万观众非常着迷地收看这部电视连续剧。

16 maiden   

n.少女，处女；adj.未婚的，纯洁的，无经验的

参考例句：

• The prince fell in love with a fair young maiden.王子爱上了一位年轻美丽的少女。
• The aircraft makes its maiden flight tomorrow.这架飞机明天首航。

17 complexion   

n.肤色；情况，局面；气质，性格

参考例句：

• Red does not suit with her complexion.红色与她的肤色不协调。
• Her resignation puts a different complexion on things.她一辞职局面就全变了。

18 abjure   

v.发誓放弃

参考例句：

• The conqueror tried to make the natives abjure their religion.征服者试著让当地人宣誓放弃他们的宗教。
• Some of the Roman Emperors tried to make Christians abjure their religion.有些罗马皇帝试著使基督教徒宣誓放弃他们的宗教。

19 scent   

n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉

参考例句：

• The air was filled with the scent of lilac.空气中弥漫着丁香花的芬芳。
• The flowers give off a heady scent at night.这些花晚上散发出醉人的芳香。

20 allure   

n.诱惑力，魅力；vt.诱惑，引诱，吸引

参考例句：

• The window displays allure customers to buy goods.橱窗陈列品吸引顾客购买货物。
• The book has a certain allure for which it is hard to find a reason.这本书有一种难以解释的魅力。

21 entice   

v.诱骗，引诱，怂恿

参考例句：

• Nothing will entice the children from television.没有任何东西能把孩子们从电视机前诱开。
• I don't see why the English should want to entice us away from our native land.我不明白，为什英国人要引诱我们离开自己的国土。

22 quaint   

adj.古雅的，离奇有趣的，奇怪的

参考例句：

• There were many small lanes in the quaint village.在这古香古色的村庄里，有很多小巷。
• They still keep some quaint old customs.他们仍然保留着一些稀奇古怪的旧风俗。

23 remodel   

v.改造，改型，改变

参考例句：

• Workmen were hired to remodel and enlarge the farm buildings.雇用了工人来改造和扩建农场建筑。
• I'll remodel the downstairs bedroom first.我先要装修楼下那间房间。

24 honeymoon   

n.蜜月（假期）；vi.度蜜月

参考例句：

• While on honeymoon in Bali,she learned to scuba dive.她在巴厘岛度蜜月时学会了带水肺潜水。
• The happy pair are leaving for their honeymoon.这幸福的一对就要去度蜜月了。

25 labors   

v.努力争取(for)( labor的第三人称单数 )；苦干；详细分析；（指引擎）缓慢而困难地运转

参考例句：

• He was tiresome in contending for the value of his own labors. 他老为他自己劳动的价值而争强斗胜，令人生厌。 来自辞典例句
• Farm labors used to hire themselves out for the summer. 农业劳动者夏季常去当雇工。 来自辞典例句

26 mutual   

adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的

参考例句：

• We must pull together for mutual interest.我们必须为相互的利益而通力合作。
• Mutual interests tied us together.相互的利害关系把我们联系在一起。

27 repertoire   

n.(准备好演出的)节目，保留剧目；(计算机的)指令表，指令系统， <美>(某个人的)全部技能；清单，指令表

参考例句：

• There is an extensive repertoire of music written for the flute.有很多供长笛演奏的曲目。
• He has added considerably to his piano repertoire.他的钢琴演奏曲目大大增加了。

28 confession   

n.自白，供认，承认

参考例句：

• Her confession was simply tantamount to a casual explanation.她的自白简直等于一篇即席说明。
• The police used torture to extort a confession from him.警察对他用刑逼供。

29 confessions   

n.承认( confession的名词复数 )；自首；声明；（向神父的）忏悔

参考例句：

• It is strictly forbidden to obtain confessions and to give them credence. 严禁逼供信。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• Neither trickery nor coercion is used to secure confessions. 既不诱供也不逼供。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

30 repent   

v.悔悟，悔改，忏悔，后悔

参考例句：

• He has nothing to repent of.他没有什么要懊悔的。
• Remission of sins is promised to those who repent.悔罪者可得到赦免。

31 follies   

罪恶，时事讽刺剧； 愚蠢，蠢笨，愚蠢的行为、思想或做法( folly的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• He has given up youthful follies. 他不再做年轻人的荒唐事了。
• The writings of Swift mocked the follies of his age. 斯威夫特的作品嘲弄了他那个时代的愚人。

32 virtuous   

adj.有品德的，善良的，贞洁的，有效力的

参考例句：

• She was such a virtuous woman that everybody respected her.她是个有道德的女性，人人都尊敬她。
• My uncle is always proud of having a virtuous wife.叔叔一直为娶到一位贤德的妻子而骄傲。

33 forth   

adv.向前；向外，往外

参考例句：

• The wind moved the trees gently back and forth.风吹得树轻轻地来回摇晃。
• He gave forth a series of works in rapid succession.他很快连续发表了一系列的作品。

34 puffed   

adj.疏松的v.使喷出( puff的过去式和过去分词 )；喷着汽（或烟）移动；吹嘘；吹捧

参考例句：

• He lit a cigarette and puffed at it furiously. 他点燃了一支香烟，狂吸了几口。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He felt grown-up, puffed up with self-importance. 他觉得长大了，便自以为了不起。 来自《简明英汉词典》

35 persecute   

vt.迫害，虐待；纠缠，骚扰

参考例句：

• They persecute those who do not conform to their ideas.他们迫害那些不信奉他们思想的人。
• Hitler's undisguised effort to persecute the Jews met with worldwide condemnation.希特勒对犹太人的露骨迫害行为遭到世界人民的谴责。

36 soothing   

adj.慰藉的；使人宽心的；镇静的

参考例句：

• Put on some nice soothing music.播放一些柔和舒缓的音乐。
• His casual, relaxed manner was very soothing.他随意而放松的举动让人很快便平静下来。

37 syrup   

n.糖浆，糖水

参考例句：

• I skimmed the foam from the boiling syrup.我撇去了煮沸糖浆上的泡沫。
• Tinned fruit usually has a lot of syrup with it.罐头水果通常都有许多糖浆。

38 nay   

adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者

参考例句：

• He was grateful for and proud of his son's remarkable,nay,unique performance.他为儿子出色的，不，应该是独一无二的表演心怀感激和骄傲。
• Long essays,nay,whole books have been written on this.许多长篇大论的文章，不，应该说是整部整部的书都是关于这件事的。

39 whatsoever   

adv.（用于否定句中以加强语气）任何；pron.无论什么

参考例句：

• There's no reason whatsoever to turn down this suggestion.没有任何理由拒绝这个建议。
• All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you,do ye even so to them.你想别人对你怎样，你就怎样对人。

40 woe   

n.悲哀，苦痛，不幸，困难；int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌

参考例句：

• Our two peoples are brothers sharing weal and woe.我们两国人民是患难与共的兄弟。
• A man is well or woe as he thinks himself so.自认祸是祸，自认福是福。

41 penitence   

n.忏悔，赎罪；悔过

参考例句：

• The thief expressed penitence for all his past actions. 那盗贼对他犯过的一切罪恶表示忏悔。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• Of penitence, there has been none! 可是悔过呢，还一点没有！ 来自英汉文学 - 红字

42 pall   

v.覆盖，使平淡无味；n.柩衣，棺罩；棺材；帷幕

参考例句：

• Already the allure of meals in restaurants had begun to pall.饭店里的饭菜已经不像以前那样诱人。
• I find his books begin to pall on me after a while.我发觉他的书读过一阵子就开始对我失去吸引力。

43 remorse   

n.痛恨，悔恨，自责

参考例句：

• She had no remorse about what she had said.她对所说的话不后悔。
• He has shown no remorse for his actions.他对自己的行为没有任何悔恨之意。

44 dreaded   

adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词)

参考例句：

• The dreaded moment had finally arrived. 可怕的时刻终于来到了。
• He dreaded having to spend Christmas in hospital. 他害怕非得在医院过圣诞节不可。 来自《用法词典》

45 luncheon   

n.午宴，午餐，便宴

参考例句：

• We have luncheon at twelve o'clock.我们十二点钟用午餐。
• I have a luncheon engagement.我午饭有约。

46 practitioner   

n.实践者，从事者；(医生或律师等)开业者

参考例句：

• He is an unqualified practitioner of law.他是个无资格的律师。
• She was a medical practitioner before she entered politics.从政前她是个开业医生。

47 epicure   

n.行家，美食家

参考例句：

• This cookery book have being wrote by a real epicure.这本食谱是由一位真正的美食家写的。
• He researches diets carefully,and is a true epicure.他对于饮食非常有研究，可以算得上是名副其实的美食家了。

48 gourmand   

n.嗜食者

参考例句：

• He was long famed as a gourmand and heavy smoker and drinker.长期以来，他一直以嗜好美食和烟酒闻名。
• The food here satisfies gourmands rather than gourmets.这里的食物可以管饱却不讲究品质。

49 lighter   

n.打火机，点火器；驳船；v.用驳船运送；light的比较级

参考例句：

• The portrait was touched up so as to make it lighter.这张画经过润色，色调明朗了一些。
• The lighter works off the car battery.引燃器利用汽车蓄电池打火。

50 pajamas   

n.睡衣裤

参考例句：

• At bedtime,I take off my clothes and put on my pajamas.睡觉时，我脱去衣服，换上睡衣。
• He was wearing striped pajamas.他穿着带条纹的睡衣裤。

51 lather   

n.(肥皂水的)泡沫，激动

参考例句：

• Soap will not lather in sea-water.肥皂在海水里不起泡沫。
• He always gets in a lather when he has an argument with his wife.当他与妻子发生争论时他总是很激动。